Cancel Me Out
by Aristeia de Luca
Summary: When Hawke finds Anders' plans to ruin Kirkwall's Chantry for his ideas of mage liberation, she stops him and breaks up with him. But just stopping him won't be enough, especially when Hawke reconciles her past relationship with Fenris. Add a sadistic Danarius and a Cousland Queen to the picture, and everything's a mess. WARNING: Rated for smut, rape, and strong sexual elements.
1. Nightmares: Danarius x Fenris

**A/N: **I usually like to get straight to the juicy bits, but this first chapter is just to set the mood, really. Danarius is a jerk, Hadriana has been killed by Fenris, as what happened ib the game. I changed a little of the dialogue that Fenris says when he leaves Hawke after their first night, that's all. OH- Also, there might be a _little_ Fem!HawkexAnders too. ;P**  
**

_Cover image courtesy of Louvette at deviantart! IT IS NOT MINE!_

* * *

**Chapter 1: Nightmares**

_"Get up, you useless thing."_

Her voice resonated in the cellar and pierced his ears as if it were poison. He immediately found himself awake, drenched in cold water. He instinctively searched the floor for anything he could find useful, like a glass shard or something, but to his disappointment his arms were bound to the cuffs of the stone wall he laid against. He had forgotten about the previous nights' transgressions.

"Well, didn't you hear me? Get up!" Hadriana shrieked as she gave him a hard slap across the face. "Lord Danarius wants to see you immediately, so hurry up."

She motioned towards the two guards to let him loose of his bindings, and smirked as they forced him onto his knees. Fenris heard the faint footsteps outside get closer to his cell, and as the shadow coming down the cellar emerged into the light, he immediately knew what was coming, but still found himself trembling, partly in fear and partly in anger.

"So..." Danarius walked up to his favorite elven slave and grabbed Fenris roughly by the throat. "You thought humiliating me in front of my guests last night was funny, didn't you?"

"I... didn't mean to," Fenris managed to cough out just as Danarius tightened his grip.

"You didn't?" Danarius taunted, smirking. Fenris could see the delight in Hadriana's face from the corner of his eyes, and the hatred only elevated. Hatred for both her and Danarius. "And who do you think you are, my poor Fenris? Why, you haven't even paid your proper respects for me this morning."

"I'm sorry... Master." Fenris croaked under the pressure. His head felt like it was exploding, and he knew all the blood was being cut off from his brain. He felt cold and hot at the same time, and hoped it would be over soon.

And it was, because Danarius quickly let Fenris' throat go. The elvish slave immediately proceeded in coughing and taking in deep breaths until he felt his vision and heartbeats regain normality. His head still throbbed, but the guards behind him showed no sign of letting his wrists go, unless instructed otherwise.

"Now," Danarius spoke with his back turned to Fenris. "Let's talk about your behavior last night, Fenris. It was out of line."

Fenris remained silent and held his head down, waiting.

"I think a proper punishment would be in order, don't you Hadriana?" He asked his star pupil. They smirked to each other and Danarius turned towards his slave with a malicious intent that Fenris was all too familiar with. "Hadriana, take your guards and leave us."

'But, Lord Danarius-"

"Didn't you hear me? Or are you deaf?" Danarius snapped.

Fenris saw Hadriana scowl with jealousy and snap at her guards. They immediately let go of Fenris' wrists and walked with her out the cellar. She slammed the cellar door shut and stormed up to her own chambers.

Danarius paid little attention to her rage, as usual, and instead turned his attention over to Fenris, his lips curled into a dangerous smile that made Fenris shudder, for the elf knew exactly what was to come. Almost immediately, Fenris found himself bound by magical purple rings, and his master gleamed at his squirming little slave and reached towards Fenris to remove his clothing.

It did not take long for Danarius to get Fenris unclothed and on his knees. The magister grinned at the helplessness of his slave and bent down, catching Fenris by the chin and bringing him to eye level so that they could gaze into one another's eyes. One pair in contempt and the other in sadistic malice.

"Do you know why, my dear slave, why I like to torture you so much?" Danarius spoke softly into Fenris' elvish ears. "Do you understand why I like to keep you by my side so often?"

"I am your experiment and your entertainment for guests." Fenris replied. It was a reply that he had been instructed to say many times over. So many times, in fact, that he had long lost track of the number. All he knew was that as long as Danarius was in control of him, he, Fenris, was Danarius' loyal slave, and if Fenris chose to disobey any of his Masters' orders, his memories would be wiped clean and he would have to begin anew. It would be that easy for the loathsome magister.

"Good," Danarius smirked and let go of Fenris' chin. "Time for you punishment then, isn't it?"

"Yes, master." Fenris said begrudgingly. He gritted his teeth and tried to focus on something else, anything else. It would help him get this over with quicker.

"Oh, don't make this harder than it already is, my dear elf." Danarius said sarcastically. "After all, you have to set an example for all the rest of my slaves, am I right?"

"Yes, master." Fenris replied in a almost golem-like manner.

Danarius then opened the chest on the opposite side of the cell and took out a long, black whip. Fenris felt a shudder start down his spine the moment he saw it. So many memories lay with that torturous weapon, and he knew more was to come. He would often get 'punished' for speaking out of his place, disobeying orders, or making mistakes that would anger his master. He would then, like last night, get hauled into the cellar on orders of Danarius, and would not get out until Danarius felt better and saw it fit to let Fenris go, not without punishment, of course.

He watched as his master walked towards him as he knelt on the cold stone floor, chained by Danarius' abominable magic chains that simmered his skin, completely naked and vulnerable. He knew what was about to happen, and he knew Danarius certainly enjoyed punishing him, more than anything.

At first, Fenris felt obligated to this demeaning and painful experience because he was born into it and his master had told him all about his place in the world. But as fate would have it, Fenris would not always remain so gullible and naive towards his master. As the years went by, Fenris learned a great deal, so much, in fact, that his master had increasingly hard times dealing with Fenris' disobedient and rebellious attitude. This was one of the ways to deal with Fenris, however, and it had only started recently. And as Danarius found out, it was nonetheless effective.

"Be a good little pet now, Fenris." Danarius whispered into Fenris' ears from behind. "Let master have his fun and promise not to be such a disobedient slave."

"Yes, master." Fenris said quietly. "Understood."

"Good, then we shall begin." Danarius stepped back and raised his arm to bring the whip down on his slave's bare back. As usual, he intended to draw blood, and Fenris was well-aware.

Fenris bit his lip and felt the fiery sensation on his back instantaneously. It burned against the cold cellar atmosphere, from his shoulder to the bottom of his back, one lash seared throughout his body, and he closed his eyes, telling himself to endure it.

"What's this, now? Have you forgotten my terms, Fenris?" Danarius asked in a sneering manner. "Or have you forgotten how we do things around here? Shall I educate you some more?"

"No, master." Fenris shook his head immediately, feeling angry at himself for forgetting such an important thing. "I'm sorry. I will count the lashings you give starting now."

"Good," Danarius smirked, but Fenris could not see it.

The magister brought down another lash. This one was horizontal, from one side to the other. Fenris felt all of it, from impact to end.

"Two." Fenris tried to sound strong, but he had not eaten or had anything to drink since last night and his throat was getting parched. On top of that, his master's magic was draining him quickly. He felt weaker with each lash.

"Oh, you silly elf." Danarius clicked his tongue. "Do you see me as some sort of easy target? Am I stupid to you? Last I checked, we don't start counting at the number 'Two'."

Fenris burned with anger and desperation at the same time, cursing himself for another stupid mistake, but simultaneously wishing someone would come to whisk Danarius away on an important business just so he could be left alone.

"You really _are_ useless sometimes, Fenris." Danarius mocked as he instructed his pet. "We are going to start over, understand?"

Fenris could only nod. And with that, his master proceeded in giving him a proper lashing.

"One." Fenris counted as his master started once again. He hadn't even asked how many lashings he was to receive this time. He didn't dare ask.

"Two." The pain was great, and Fenris knew that his master was using some of his magic to inflict greater pain on his body. Danarius often enjoyed that. He knew his master would not be satisfied until Fenris cried out in pain and was bleeding in agony.

"Three." His wounds intersected with one another and it only made the pain greater. Fenris bit his lip and endured the pain, not wanting to give his master the satisfaction of hearing him in pain.

"Four." But he could not withstand his primal urges. As he recited the number, a quiet groan escaped his lips and he began to feel more humiliated by the second. All he wanted was for everything to be over as soon as possible. The burning sensation could be felt again, and he knew it would be a long while...

...

"Fifty-three." Fenris was breathing hard. He could barely hold himself up. The purple disks holding his arms in place amidst the air was draining his energy rapidly, and it would not be long before he would inevitably pass out. He had done so before, at an earlier stage in his life, and Danarius hadn't been any less merciful. In fact, passing out would give his master a bigger opportunity to take advantage of his poor elven slave.

But the lashing had stopped, and Fenris wonder if his master had finally tired himself out. After all, giving out lashings were not normally handled by Danarius, but rather Hadriana or another one of their guards. He had learned from experience, however, that being hopeful often had the opposite effect, and in this instance, he was correct.

"I think that's enough for you, dear Fenris." Danarius said in a slightly heavy tone. He too, was slightly out of breath, which was fine with his elven slave.

However, Danarius was not done yet. He threw the whip aside and faced Fenris directly, looking down at his slave in contempt, superiority, and perversion. And that was when Fenris understood that it was not over yet. There was just one more thing left for Danarius to force him to do.

Fenris glared at Danarius in a loathsome manner, but his master paid little attention as he undressed before his bound pet.

"You should be glad, Fenris." Danarius grinned. "That poor wretch Hadriana could never hold my attention as much as you, my pet. In the may years I've had you, I wouldn't think twice about taking you to my bed. Aren't you glad you get to service me instead of that worthless bitch?"

Fenris swallowed and prepared himself for the misdeed he was about to perform. But no matter what, he would not be prepared for anything like that. It was too atrocious – the thought of it disgusted him every time, but he had been forced to do this so many times that he thought he would be used to it by now. He wasn't.

"Come now, my slave." Danarius coaxed as he grabbed Fenris by his silky locks, smirking. "You know what to do, right?"

Fenris said nothing. He didn't even nod. He hesitated, and his master, frustrated, pulled Fenris' hair and inched him closer to his erect member. Fenris stubbornly refused to open his mouth, even though his lashing had already served as more than enough of a warning.

But his refusal did not last long. Danarius tugged on Fenris' hair once more and pinched the elf by his nose, forcing Fenris to open his mouth in order to breathe.

"If you bite, you know what will happen, Fenris." Danarius warned as Fenris took his master's erection down his throat. "Don't make me wipe your memory clean, _again."_

His threat was well-put, for Fenris quickly obeyed and allowed Danarius to force himself upon him, and the poor elf slave was forced to bend to his master's will. For the next few moments, Fenris knelt on the floor, choking on his master's member as Danarius thrust deeper and deeper down his throat. It felt disgusting and wrong, but Fenris could do very little; he was already fairly weak, and the pain on his back was more than enough for him to handle. All he tried to think about was the pain from his whipping as Danarius neared climax. Fenris closed his eyes and tried not to choke, but it was hard not to with Danarius forcing himself in and out.

Fenris knew that after he was done, Danarius would finally allow him to reside upstairs with all the regal and richly decor, as Danarius' bodyguard and slave once more. But his disobedience was not over. His punishment was harsh, and although it was not the first time, neither would it be the last.

* * *

The tortured elf awoke suddenly from his nightmare, only to find himself alone, in a cold and dusty room with the covers of his bed tangled around him – from his thrashing about, no doubt. His snowy locks got caught in his eyes and as he whisked it away from his face, it brought to his attention that he had been sweating. Not only that, but the lyrium markings on his half-naked body was scorching in a glow.

Perhaps it was because of the sweating that he had suddenly noticed the room temperature. Fenris got up slowly and swept his hands through his hair trying to tidy it up. He looked around at his surroundings. Spider webs and dust covered the mansion of his former master, Danarius, but no one was here anymore save for himself.

It took him a moment to regain his thoughts: He was temporarily taking refuge at the mansion, in hopes of having Danarius come back for him, giving him the perfect opportunity to murder his former master once and for all. He had already gotten rid of that bitch Hadriana. There was only one person left to fulfill his vengeful ploy.

But for the moment, he was alone and no one was there to assassinate him. He loosened the grip he had on the sword next to his bed and let our a sigh of relief. He got up and went to wash his face, only to come back to the bedroom, make his way towards the window and pull back the curtains enough to peek outside. It was still dark out.

"A few more hours until it's bright out." He murmured to himself.

His voice was oddly unsteady, no doubt still regaining his posture from the awful nightmare he just had, if could even be called as such. (It was more of a horrid memory he had tried many times to forget) He went back to bed and rested against the pillows with his arm over his head, thinking.

All his rage and desire for vengeance just made it harder. Harder to withstand. Harder to resist.

When he had finally caught up with Hadriana, she had begged him for mercy, and the look on her face was priceless. She was scared out of her wits, and he knew it. This woman had gotten the best of him so many times before. All of the things that she did to him were indescribable, unimaginable – torturous. She had made his life a living hell. She and Danarius both.

_But was she really worth killing?_

He told himself many times that he did the right thing. But even if he hadn't, it was too late to go back. Now, there was only one person, other than Danarius, that really mattered to him. And whereas he cared little for Danarius' well-being, this other person had surprisingly become the single, most precious thing he had ever come to care for – He wasn't about to lose her.

Fenris opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for the next few passing minutes. He still remembered the day he fled from that life. The life he had before he met _her_. It wouldn't be easy to forget all of that. Especially those daunting eyes – hurt, confused, and loving. Even after what he had done, she was still in love with him, and that just made him hurt more.

* * *

"Is it the markings? Do they hurt?"

"Yes, but..." Fenris stopped short, but then continued, explaining what dreams he had seen, if they could even he construed as such. What he also wondered, however, was how being with a woman like herself had affected him more than she could ever know. Sure, he had taken women to bed before, but Hawke was different. She gave him something more meaningful, more passionate.

"Last night..." He started, only to paused, thinking about how to start off. "Last night was the best I could have ever dreamed, but..."

"But?"

"I have to leave. This is all going along too fast. I can't... I cannot do this."

"You cannot be serious." She seemed surprised, and when Fenris didn't reply, she knew he was serious. He usually was.

"Hadriana was only just a peon under Danarius, you know that." Fenris said. "I can't... I can't let you get in harm's way. You mean too much to me."

"I can't handle myself, thank you." She stated in a matter-of-fact tone. Her voice was shaking a little, but he could tell that it took all she had to try to hide the fact. "Please Fenris, all that I ask is for you to come back to me. Don't end it just like this. I... haven't even told you how much I care for you, and how much I enjoy being with you...You don't have to leave. That is no answer for the situation."

He had always liked her resonance and determination. But this time was different. This time, he had something to do, something that he couldn't back away from. He had made up his mind this time, and he knew it had to be the best choice. But looking at her face as she tried to retain that strong posture and stubbornness was almost too hard. Almost.

He closed his eyes and turned away from her, taking a deep breath before he spoke. How many times had he gone through this speech in his head as she slept? How many times did he convince himself that this was the way things had to be? He had prepared for this. But he couldn't do it while looking at her. He had to turn away from those quivering rose lips and gleaming olive eyes in order to do what he planned. This was not easy, he knew.

"I can't." He started. "I … no matter what it takes, I have to leave. Hawke, don't try to stop me, you know I can't take it if you..."

He stopped for only a moment to think about all the times he spent with her. On those missions, on those long treks in the forest – their time spent together, even in bed. _Especially _in bed.

It took him too long of a pause to pick off where he started, and by that time Hawke had started to talk instead.

"Fenris," She said in a softer tone, a tone that made him want to burn with desire and melt away. "I'm not blind, you know. I can see that you care for me. So why act like this? Why act like there is nothing between us? I know this isn't what you really feel..."

Her hand touched his shoulder ever so slightly, and he could barely contain himself. He longed to take her in arms, hold her, kiss her feverishly and sweep her off her feet – maybe even throw her in bed and...

"Stop it," He wrung her hand off of him, and immediately regretted it. But it was too late for him to take back his actions. He had stopped himself before everything would get out of control. "I have to do this, I have to get away. I can't keep hurting you. I... I can't bare the idea of losing you. You know that, and you also know that I have little choice in the matter..."

"That is not true, Fenris." She argued. "You need me, I need you. Nothing should come between us, _unless_ you let it."

"You do not understand," Fenris replied. "Danarius has power – more power than we could handle together. If he comes after me, he'll come after you too. He knows how much I value you, and he intends to take advantage of that. You cannot be safe as long as you are associated with me."

"Be reasonable, Fenris." She started, but he cut her off. This was going to be a long conversation, one that he did not intend to stay in for long. He had to go, before he regretted it.

"I'm sorry." He turned his back to her and started walking. "Please understand."

Nothing pained him as much as that day, when he walked away from the woman he loved, all to protect her. He dared not look back, and he dared not say anything else to her. Not even a farewell.


	2. Dreams: Hawke x Fenris

**A/N: I find it easier to get into a story when a summary is given at the beginning of the chapter, so I'll be doing that from now on.**

**RECAP: It has been only 2 weeks since Fenris had his first night with Hawke. But he couldn't bring himself to put her in harm's way, so he broke their relationship off. Danarius would be furious once he finds out Fenris murdered Hadriana. On top of that, Fenris has yet to find his sister. Regardless whether he's trying to conceal his feelings or elaborate on them to Hawke, he's having a hard time dealing with her. They are both confused and hurting either way. This chapter is largely a flashback of what happened between them that led up to their fateful night together. (Juicy Stuff!)  
**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Dreams**

"I hear good things about you, Anders. Not what I expected."

"From a mage, you mean."

At this point, Hawke found it hard to prevent herself from rolling her eyes. In fact, she felt compelled to even place her hand on her forehead in an act of frustration just to let her two companions know that their quarreling was pointless, if not completely necessary.

"I didn't say that." Aveline answered the apostate, her shield clunking behind her as they ran through the Gallows to stop by the Herbalist's shop.

"How else would you judge me? What else am I a shining example of?" Anders retorted in his usual sarcastic tone. He looked at Aveline in a daring manner, almost as if he was trying to make her say something she did not exactly mean literally.

"I don't know... other Fereldans lurking in Darktown? Mage or not." Aveline had obviously missed his sarcasm. Either that, or she chose to ignore it. Knowing Aveline though, it was most likely the former. When it came to anything but business and knighthood, she was at a loss. In fact, Hawke had almost given up on wondering how such a oblivious woman like Aveline had ever managed to marry in the first place. Of course, she didn't want to ask Aveline and incur her wrath, so the subject mostly remained unspoken.

"You... have a fair point." Anders thought aloud, and then said nothing more.

They were on their way to gather some supplies for Anders and his clinic patients – all after a hard day's work, of course. The day was waning, and soon night would fall. Hawke had promised to see Anders at his clinic, so she would be walking back to Darktown with him.

They bought some droughts of lyrium, though Ander thought it more wise to buy his own alchemical reagents in order to make his salves more potent. He bought a large variety of elfroot in particular, and then some empty flasks. Meanwhile, the rest of the party stood around the shop, window shopping.

In the split moment Hawke spent to look at her elven companion, her face immediately turned red. Their eyes met and she had turned away so quickly her head spun a little. Her heart fluttered as if she was a seventeen-year-old adolescent, and she quickly yelled at herself in her head for being so stupid over a such a minute thing.

"Are you alright, Hawke?" Aveline asked. "You look a bit red in the face."

"I... I am fine, Aveline. Thank you."' Hawke answered, trying to gather her thoughts. It was hard to concentrate on anything, frankly speaking. Many thoughts were flying around in her head, she had many questions that could not be answered.

_Had he been looking at her the entire time? What was he thinking? Was she the only one feeling butterflies in her stomach? Did that night really mean nothing to him? Most importantly - what was he thinking about?_

None of the questions could be answered. If she were to asked Fenris later on in the night, she knew it would get her nowhere. Every time she tried talking to him, asking him why he 'felt like a fool' and left her that momentous night, he would shun her away and not want to talk about it. It had been only 2 weeks since that incident, and it was only a matter of time before the rift between them grew.

Fenris said nothing, but Anders walked over to her and looked at her intently.

"You _do _seem a bit red. Are you sure you didn't stay in the sun too long today?" He asked. A valid question, seeing how they spent most of the day running around the Wounded Coast.

"No, I'm fine. Really." She reassured, not wanting to see what Fenris was doing, or what his facial expression was. A part of her was scared and embarrassed, but the other half was screaming and angry at Fenris inside.

Anders took her word for it and reassured her that he could take a look at her if she needed it, but she felt inclined to refuse his offer. He had too many patients as it was, and hers was not even a real medical problem. She did, however, enjoy the fact that he did not make a big deal out of it. In fact, Anders was probably one of the nicest gentlemen she had ever chanced upon. A good friend indeed.

After Anders was done with his shopping, they passed through Lowtown and eventually parted ways in Hightown. Aveline went back to her post at the Viscount's place , explaining her duties for the following day, of which Hawke had little interest save for the fact that Aveline would not be able to accompany her tomorrow. It mattered little to her; she had planned to take Isabella with them tomorrow anyways.

They parted ways and Hawke suddenyl became aware of how awkward the situation was. Her, Anders, and Fenris. Were it not for Anders, it would have been even more awkward. She had no idea what to say, but they had started walking down the steps from the Viscount's place and were heading towards...

"We don't need to walk him home, do we?" Anders pleaded. "I mean, it's not like he's a child. Or a woman. Aveline was a woman at least. I felt compelled we walk her back - but Fenris can manage on his own, can't he? It's not as if he'll be grateful of us, anyways."

"Keep up your act, mage. I hope you do not plan on using that insincere demeanor to land yourself in bed with Hawke." Fenris replied back viciously. A statement that made Hawke blush, yet feel angry at the same time. _Did he think her an easy target to bed?_

"I am _genuine_ about my feelings. I'm not like you. I'm not angry at the the entire world." Anders retorted. "Besides, if Hawke was interested in anyone, it would be me, not you. Do you even know what 'love' is'? As far as I'm concerned, all you ever think about it revenge, killing Danarius, and imprisoning mages like me. I hadn't considered the thought that you would've left room for anything else."

"You best watch your tongue, mage." Fenris gnarled. "Before I rip it out from your skull."

Anders had been oblivious to the fact that Fenris had already slept with her. Under what circumstances would be had known anyways? It's not as if Fenris and Hawke had gone around parading their personal affairs to the public. No, Anders had little idea of what history Hawke and Fenris had after the whole ordeal with Hadriana, and Hawke intended to keep it that way.

"That's enough, you two." Hawke spoke up. "Let's go to the clinic, Anders. Didn't you say you needed my help?"

Anders shook his head sadly at Fenris, who scowled at them both and walked away from them in a dismissing manner.

Hawke started to walk down the steps from Hightown with Anders, but turned around just for a second to catch Fenris disappear around the corner.

_His back. The only vivid images I have of him are always of his back. Always turned away from me. Always leaving me. Never coming back. Not even a glance. _

* * *

Anders' clinic smelled of herbs, wound salves, bandages, and sickness. His helpers only amounted to a few, and none of them as skilled as he. He made some money off of them, perhaps enough to get by on meals, but Hawke knew that was not the reason Anders decided to work as a healer. She often wondered if he missed being a Warden, traveling with the Grey Warden, or Hero of Ferelden – Queen of Ferelden, whatever she was called nowadays.

Most of his clients were too poor to afford a legitimate healer, or were also apostate or illegal citizens. Tonight though, the patients waiting for Anders were fewer than normal, but he nevertheless went straight to work. Hawke took a seat on the chair next to his bed, offering to help but he declined her offer.

"Just stay here. I'll be right with you." He said with a smile as he went off to help his associate apply the bandages to the young boy lying in the cot on the ground.

As she sat there like a little girl, swinging her feet underneath the chair, Hawke looked at her feet, thinking of the usual things. She drifted off eventually, with the thoughts of a certain lyrium-marked elf on her mind.

* * *

The door slammed shut behind him as violently as he had pushed it, as if it were lashing back at him for his mistreatment of its hinges. The eerie portraits on the walls shock with the impact, and the pink vase on the dusty table toppled over, spilling out the withered flowers that had been there for ages. Dust and cobwebs flew in the air for a few seconds before settling down again – all at the behest of its new elvish master, who had slammed the door to his mansion so hard the building seemed to almost collapse.

The cobwebs were everywhere anyways, so it did not bother Fenris one bit.

What _did _bother him, however, was Anders – who had ruined everything.

The plan for that evening was that Fenris would walk Hawke back to her estate, and hopefully get to be with her alone. He would have enough time to apologize to her for what transpired 2 weeks ago. He had calmed down, thought to himself in the dark for several nights alone, and planned on what to say. He knew there was no way his speech would miraculously cure all the hurt that he had inflicted on her by leaving that night – but at least it was something.

He tolf himself many times already. They could not be together. As long as Danarius breathes, there was little room for them to have something beyond a relationship of leader and follower.

But if Danarius was dead... and Fenris found his sister, then what? Could he, a former slave, really aspire to spend the rest of his life with Hawke, a human noble? Not only was he a former slave, but he was also an Elf. The very basis of their relationship would be scorned upon, and it would only serve to hurt her reputation, her sphere of influence in Kirkwall, and not to mention her feelings.

Yet, he could not help himself to her. When she glanced at him at the market that evening, he had been staring at her the entire time – those swaying hips, long locks of hair, and those voluptuous curves. How could he not stare? But she had met his eyes and immediately turned away. Was she scared of him? Angry even? It only gave him more incentive to carry out what he had planned.

That is, until Anders butted in to ruin everything. Fenris had not known that they had planned to go to the clinic that night. He was probably not paying attention when the plan was made. But that mattered little to Fenris at that moment. His mind was only on one thing.

_What were they doing?_

In the clinic, with Anders no less - What was she doing with him? Hawke had made it certain that she did not like playing sides. She had always been the diplomatic leader of their group. But this time, something was different. Was it because she was with Anders? What about him was so attractive? He was a apostate mage. _An apostate. She did know that they were illegal, didn't she?_

In whichever case, Fenris paced around in the bedroom for a while. He could've gone to the Hanged Man to have a drink with Isabella or play a round of cards with Varric – but tonight he was not in the mood. He had a habit of talking too much when he got too much to drink, and he did not feel like sharing his personal drama with the rest of the crew. After all, Hawke never mentioned their night together to anyone, so he assumed it was a given agreement that they would keep their night a secret.

Finally, he let out a sigh and let himself fall onto the bed. He had plenty to worry about, such as Danarius and finding his sister. But why was this one woman making him think about everything he did twice? It didn't make sense.

He thought about the night he spent with her. That night he had talked to Hawke about his log-forgotten past... and the night he had gone over to her estate and confessed...

* * *

"The last bottle of Agreggio. I've been saving it for a special occasion." Fenris announced triumphantly as he saw Hawke come through the doorway. He was in a good mood that evening, and wanted to share all of it with someone, though strangely enough, he found himself tremendously overjoyed that it had been her that came to listen to him spout on.

'And, what's that?" She asked as he handed her the bottle. A sudden perverted idea came onto his head as he watched her sip from the same bottle he had just drank from. An indirect kiss. But he quickly pushed that idea into the back of his head and continued.

"The anniversary of my escape." He explained to her.

From there, he told her about the Seheron journey he had after Danarius was separated from him. He told her about his lovely experiences with the people who tried to protect him when his master came back to retrieve him. And all of a sudden, Fenris remembered the regret, the despair, and the loneliness he felt the moment he had realized what he had done.

Blood was all over his hands, his face, his arms... he had killed these innocent group of people, all at his master's command. And the moment he realized what had happened...

"I ran." He concluded to her.

Little did he know that it would not be the last time her ran away from something important.

* * *

He had been sitting in the lobby of the Hawke Estate for a few hours now. And not much had transpired since, save for Bodahn giving him a strange look every now and then. He nevertheless asked patiently to be allowed to wait for their master to return, and nervously sat down in the foyer bench.

It was going to be hard, and he had no idea what to say this time. He was acting on impulse. But as the time went by, his desires only grew stronger – until he was about to explode. How many times had he thought of this? Was it really going to happen? What would she think?

His elven ear quickly caught her nearing footsteps. They were light and delicate, but he could still hear them. His heart fluttered about, his body grew hot, and he knew _this was the moment_.

"Fenris?" Her voice indicated that she was feeling normal, not cautious, not annoyed, not tired – just a concerned, honest friend.

But he did not want that. Fenris walked up to her, brooding to himself because he knew he wanted _more. _

"I've been thinking about you." He looked her straight in the eyes as he said this. Those olive eyes stared back, and he was so close to sweeping her off her feet and carrying her into the bedroom, ready to ravish her – but he contained it.

"In fact, I've been able to think about little else. Command me to go, and I shall." He confessed, torn between which to hope for: her acceptance, or her rejection.

This was out of control. They could not be. This was not going to end well, and his desire for her was unhealthy for the both of them. Yet he had already gone this far, at least if she rejected him, he could now sleep well knowing that he tried, and that everything was done and over with. Maybe then he would stop feeling so utterly helpless and downright stupid.

"No need." She said gently, staring right back into his eyes.

That moment could not be captured by words. There was singing in the back of his head. Glorious lights. Fireworks. The whole ordeal. It was as if the growing chemistry between them had started to create sparks, and from there on they would connect in a way that neither of them could ever imagine. All Fenris knew to do at that time was to do exactly what he had wanted to for the past few weeks.

He grabbed her by the waist, pulled her close to him, and kissed those gentle lips of hers hungrily. He felt her hands in his hair, holding him equally with longing and desire. Immediately, he knew what he wanted to do. He didn't care about the tiny voice warning him in the back of his head.

The moment they pulled away from each other, he immediately wanted more. But everything happened so fast he had little time to prepare or fully comprehend what had even happened. One moment he was kissing her passionately, and the next moment she had pushed him up against the wall, and kissed him back in a savagely manner that surprised him beyond belief. He never imagined Hawke to be so straight-forward and dominating.

"Come with me." She whispered silently into his ears as she grabbed his hand.

From there, they walked into her mansion, Bodahn giving Fenris another strange look, and even Hawke's mother looking slightly confused, even appalled. But all he wanted to pay attention to was Hawke, and he did. He followed her, all the way up the stairs. To her bedroom – where she shut the door and proceeded to shower his neck with kisses again.

"Oh, Maker." He whispered into her neck as he felt her tug at the belt of his armor. He wanted this too much to let her go now. _He was going to do this._

As she undid his belt, he grabbed her juicy thighs and lifted her up, closer to him, and felt her plant lustful kisses down his neck as he did so. He moved backwards, being as careful as he could with what little balance he had. Slowly, they made it onto her bed, where she saddled on top of him, undressing him as he did her. Their skin hot with longing, and their breath heavy with desire.

She was beautiful beyond comparison. Even if he had any other woman before her, they would dull in comparison. She was a goddess, and he wanted to ravage her all night long. All of the fantasies he had the past week would finally come true. He desired to explore her body, and make her his. It was a desire that burned with a passion, and wanted her to know all about it.

He watched her strip before him as if it were a dream, and then took one moment to gaze at her naked body before he sat up, startling her before he caught from falling off the bed her by the small of her back, and turned her over so that now he was the one straddling her. She was not going to get away from him. He intended to have his way with her.

"You're mine." He whispered in her ear as he grabbed her supple breast, grinding against her as she let out a soft moan. He wanted to hear more of it. In fact, _he wanted to hear her scream_.

"Fenris..." She stammered, out of breath from his kisses.

Just as she tried to wrap her hands around his neck, he caught her wrists and forcefully pinned her down while he sucked softly at her neck. She groaned and raised her elegant legs up instead to wrap around his waist, drawing him closer to her so that his aroused member ground right against her wetness. _She wanted him. But he was not about to give her the satisfaction. At least, not yet._

She was powerless against him on the bed, and he knew it. Smirking, Fenris dove in to plant his own marks on her neck, her collarbone, all the way down to her chest. By the time he made it to her perky nipples, she was madly shifting around beneath him, rubbing her pussy against his hard length.

Too bad he was holding her down. As long as he remained on top, he was going to make her work for it. He had waited too long for this to stop now.

He carefully started licking her pink nipples, making her shudder ever so slightly. He teased her for a long time that way, and started sucking on them until her breaths fastened, her chest heaved uncontrollably, and her wrists struggled to get out of his grasp.

"Please..." She said, out of breath. "Fenris, please... let me..."

"Let you?" He asked, eyebrows raised. "Let you what? Say it."

Her face flushed pink, and she turned away, shy and afraid to speak her mind.

"OW!"

He bit her nipple, and he was sure that startled exclamation what partly due to the excitement and partly to the pain.

"Fenris...", she groaned. "Let me go, please..."

"No." He replied in a matter-of-fact tone. He had no intentions of letting her have her way. He wickedly smiled, watching her squirm and get frustrated, feeling how wet she got as he pressed against her more. She was enjoying this as much as he was, it seemed.

"Why?' She breathed. "Why not?"

He looked up at her from teasing her nipples and smirked once more. "Tell me what you want to do first, and then I _might _consider it."

She gritted her teeth, frustrated even further. She was not raised to say such crude things to others, so being forced to was both exciting and embarrassing for her. Nevertheless, he was surprised to find that she actually liked this style of bedroom play. It sure gave him an erection fast.

"I want you to..." She started, but was unable to finish her sentence.

"Yes?"

"I want you inside me," She pleaded, her face red in embarrassment. "Please, Fenris. I want you to make me yours."

He paused for a second, as if he had to contemplate the idea, but eventually let her wrists go and allowed her the freedom to touch him. She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him close, kissing him fiercely until he swore she had drawn blood from his lips. Meanwhile, her other hand traced his chest, down to his abdomen. He felt the hairs on his skin rise in anticipation.

Slowly, she lowered herself slightly, her hands still tracing over his body until they found his erect, hard cock. She held it with a firmness that made him close his eyes to try to gather himself once more. As she gently licked his ears and breathed, letting out soft moans that only he could hear, he suddenly felt weak to his knees, knowing he would be unable to take her teasing much longer.

Still, there was something about making her say such dirty sentences that made everything so much more enjoyable to him. He wanted her to plead to him, and to scream for him to pleasure her. It was only the past few days while he had fantasized about her nonstop that he realized what a sadist he had become for her. He enjoyed keeping her sexually frustrated and teasing her - it made his reward sweeter. But he was not sure how much more he could take of her stroking his member in her hands.

"Tell me what you want, exactly." He ordered, stopping her hands once more.

He bent over to squeeze her ample breasts, pulling at them. He pinched the hard nipples until they got harder; the twisting and pulling made his desires grow even stronger. Her moans got louder, and he moved against her until his cock was right at the opening of her cunt. He moved himself for a little while, torturing and teasing her as he saw fit. She squirmed uncomfortably, and longingly. He then moved his hand down, towards her visibly swollen clit. He had hungered to touch her body, to taste her, and do all of the things he had fantasized about. This was his chance.

"Oh, _Fenris!_" she cried out, desperately. "No, don't-"

His two fingers found touched her narrow entrance gently, while his thumb fondled her clit.

"Maker!"

He penetrated her easily, seeing how wet she already was. Her scent pervaded the air, and he licked his lips, as if tasting her very scent as he fucked her with his fingers.

"I want you," she replied breathlessly, rubbing her wet pussy against his fingers harder. It was hot and wet – more than ready for him. She started to pound against his fingers, but he did not want her having all the fun. Not yet, at least.

He pulled his fingers out of her pussy, revealing the sticky juices that followed. She blushed as he licked his fingers, tasting her sweet honey. He then lowered himself to her again, but made no advances to penetrate her still. He was _so close_ to sticking it inside her inviting sweet spot.

"But you already have me." He chuckled. "You have me right now."

He proceeded to grind up against her in return, grabbing his own member to nudge it against her clitoris. The smell of their arousal pervaded the room, and only fed his desire for her more.

"Why not be more specific?" He ordered as he listened to her breaths fasten again, her chest heaving, and her face longing for his touch.

"Please," she swallowed. "Please, Fenris, I want your cock inside me. Please give it to me."

Those words were just too much for him to take. At that moment, he plunged himself inside her in a split second. She gasped as he penetrated her, letting out a small scream. Her hands grabbed at the sheets on the bed erratically.

_Maker, she was tight._

He wondered for a second whether she was in pain or not. Though this wasn't her first time, he didn't want her to hurt. He wanted her to enjoy this as much as he did. He glanced her aroused face, searching for answers, but she spoke first.

"Don't hesitate," She whispered, as if she knew what he was thinking. "I'm enjoying it. Please, do what you wish, Fenris."

"Are you sure you want to tempt me with that offer?" He asked as he shifted inside of her little cunt slowly, in and out. This was too good to be true. He felt overjoyed, and it was driving him crazy.

She nodded.

He pulled her up by the arms and had her sit in his lap, gazing into her eyes as he grabbed her ass, letting her ride him to her heart's content. He clenched his teeth, loving the noises she made as she dove her pussy in and out of him.

"Oh, Maker... Hawke." He groaned for the first time in pure ecstasy. She felt so _good._

She grabbed his hands, twirling their fingers together as she rocked up and down steadily.

But he knew what was to come. He felt her pussy start to twitch, and knew that she was nearing her climax. _And he couldn't let that happen yet._

Suddenly, he slapped her gently on the ass, and flipped her over so that she was on all fours for him, showing him that voluptuous hind that he so often gazed at when they traveled.

"Fenris?" Her voice quivered, half disappointed because she had been so close to climax.

"I can't let you have all the fun by yourself, now can I?" He answered, grabbing her by the waist and plunging himself so deep inside her that she had to gasp for air.

He wanted her to need him, to long for him, to plead to him, and love him. He plunged deepr and deeper insider her, in and out, in and out. Each time, her moans got louder. She even set her head down into the pillows to stifle her moans, which made his view even more pleasant as he stared at her helplessness: grabbing at the pillows while he rammed into her pussy from behind, her ass jiggling every time.

"Oh Maker," he whispered as he near his own climax. "Come for me, Hawke."

She had been ready for these words for a while now. This did it for her, and she had been pounding against him even from her position, and came ramming down on him so frantically that it only took a split second afterward for him to fill her delicate body with his seed.

_But in that moment, something happened._ Hawke disappeared from his visions, and his burning sensation was no longer of a pleasant kind.

Images of a strangely familiar past came rushing towards him. A woman with red hair, a man with black hair. Elvish people, who lived in some sort of community – he couldn't tell where it was. All he knew what that his insides burned and his head was on fire. It was a feeling that he had only experienced one other time – when he had first gotten his lyrium markings tattooed onto his skin.

The images quickly faded, and so did the pain.

When he came back to his sense, he realized that he had been standing in front of Hawke still. But she was panting and did not notice his suddenly departure from reality. _What was that?_

He decided not to think about it for the moment. He waited for her insides to stop twitching before he pulled out of her. But even after he was finished, he couldn't resist gazing at the scene of her laying in bed, ass raised, their love juices dripping out from her pussy.

She took several deep breaths before she calmed down, and as did he. His heart was racing, his head pounding, and he felt so worn out. When they gained their strength, the two put their undergarments back on.

Fenris walked over to his love, and planted a kiss on her sweet lips before sitting down in bed with her, the both of them naked and still hot from their activities. She rolled over in the bed, made a soft moan of satisfaction and relaxation, and laid herself right beside him in bed.

"I love you." She confessed.

"I love you too."

They fell asleep after that, but Fenris could not stop thinking about the visions he had experienced. They were painful, both physically and mentally.

He had been SO CLOSE. So close to finding out about his past. A part of him wanted to know desperately what he was like before he became Danarius pet. But the other part of him was afraid to find out...

He looked over at Hawke, who laid on his shoulder, sleeping.

_"I can't do this..." _He thought.


	3. Runaway

**A/N: Sorry this is so short and I'm taking so long. I've been busy with Graphic Design jobs and preparing for GRADUATION FROM COLLEGE! (Yay!) This chapter is short, but basically sets up a new Fenris/Hawke/Anders triangle - with more to come. I'm hoping to add Isabella in there too along the way. So just FYI, in case that doesn't suit your facy. Also - PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I would love to have more comments! Thanks!**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Runaway**

When she awoke, the first thing she noticed was the smell. She was definitely in Darktown – in Anders' clinic. How long had she slept? Where was Anders?

It took Hawke a few minutes to gather herself and think back on what had happened.

She had been walking around Hightown with Aveline, Anders, and Fenris. They were doing their usual rounds, helping anyone who needed their aid. But Hawke had started to feel under the weather recently – especially after the whole ordeal with Fenris. No one knew, as far as she was concerned, about her one-night stand with the former elven slave. The exception, of course, was Varric. She had told the dwarf on one occasion, when they were drinking of course.

She looked around, and impulsively grabbed her daggers on the table beside the bed. Someone had removed them from her gear and set them neatly beside her. Not only that, but she was also laying in a warm bed with soft, faded lavender covers washed over her.

She got up slowly, and looked around the clinic for the culprit as she fixed the daggers on her back. It was getting late, she concluded. Anders' patients had either left, or were laying in their cots on the ground.

Walking out of the clinic slightly yielded successful results. She spotted Anders immediately a few feet from her from the clinic doorway. She approached him silently and watched as he knelt down, his back to her. She had no idea what he was doing, and was suddenly curious.

"What are you doing?" She asked, walking over.

He didn't seem to be too surprised she was behind him; he was well aware of her presence. Perhaps it was one of the side effects of having a powerful spirit lurking inside of him – it gave him a sixth sense of some sort.

"Putting out milk." He explained as he set the dish down and stood up to turn towards her. He was much taller than her, and it suddenly felt strange to have him so close to her – his height was almost overwhelming. Of course, that was probably because Fenris had been, well, shorter. Alas, Hawke scolded herself for thinking about the damned elf again, and put her attention into her soft-hearted friend for the moment. Kittens were a strange thing for a man of Anders' stature to be talking about. Yet somehow, she had a feeling it would be for the best if she didn't point this out though.

"I miss having a cat around, and think all the refugees have scared them all off." Anders said. Then, in a slightly lower tone, he added, "Or maybe eaten them."

He said this last statement with such a serious face, she didn't know whether to laugh because it was funny, or feel slightly awkward because it might've been true. Either way, she allowed herself to smile slightly.

"Do you feel better now?" He asked.

She nodded. "Yes, I do. Sorry for the inconvenience."

"Don't worry about that, friend." He replied with a warm smile. "You seemed like you needed some good rest is all. Have you not been sleeping well at the manor?"

"You could say that." She replied, not wanting to divulge her personal matters to him so easily. She was still unsure whether to tell the others or not.

"Well, if it is anything I can do to help you, please let me know." He offered, making her smile once again. He was always nicer to her, and more understanding. Even though there was something troubling her and he knew it, he would not force her to expose herself. There was a mutual respect – and she admired that between them.

Anders stood in front of her and looked into her eyes, looking as though there was something more he wanted to say. She studied him for a few seconds and though she couldn't fathom what he could possibly want to say to her, she gave him time to gather himself anyways.

"You know," he started. "I've been meaning to thank you. You don't need to stick your neck out for the mages here, but you have. You let all those apostates from Starkhaven start over. Maybe they can be an example for the world." His eyes gleamed at her in appreciation, and she was overwhelmed with a sense of pride for her work – a feeling that she seldom got these days.

"It would kill me to see the templars lock you up," she replied in a sincere way. It was true; Anders was a good friend of hers, and she did not want him in prison. The war between the templars and the mages was utterly ridiculous. Hawke had seen the troubles and hardships apostates such as her sister had to endure, and she considered herself an advocate of the freedom of mages. Of course, this did not mean that she thought all mages should not be a part of the Circle. The Circle had its purposes – however, it should be up to the mages themselves to choose to go or not. Unless, of course, they had a severe problem controlling their powers.

Hawke knew where Fenris stood when it came to apostates and mages. However, she was different and considered both side of the argument. She wanted to maintain a diplomatic stance in these political times because she did not desire an all-out war. It must be averted at all costs.

However, her thoughts on this issue were cut off when she heard Anders' reply.

"I've tried to hold back," Anders explained. "You _saw _what I almost did to that girl. You've seen what I am."

At this point, she wanted to reassure him that there was a way to separate him from Justice. She would try her hardest to free him from his 'curse', for it was ruining his life. She opened her mouth to speak, but Anders beat her to it. This was when she immediately realized that she had done something terrible – unintentionally no less.

"But I am still a man." He stated. "You can't tease me like this and expect me to resist forever."

_What?_

Her tongue caught her throat, and she found herself at a loss. Had she been leading him on all this time and not known it? Surely there was _some _part of her that was aware that she had subconsciously been flirting with him. Perhaps this was the root of Fenris' irritation. Perhaps her hostile relationship with the elf had been amplified because of her naivety, or stupidity. Had she seriously flirted with Anders so much yet not been aware of his feelings?

That seemed to be the case. At times, she had talked to him while living amongst clouds – clouds that consisted of her daydreams and nightmares – dreams that consisted of her and Fenris especially. But the elf had no idea, and she was not intent on telling him about any of it.

Maybe that was why she had little clue on her attitude and nonchalant flirting with others – especially Anders. Isabella had been another story – they had never been serious. However, it was different with Anders. Knowing his personality, Hawke immediately felt as if she had stumbled down a hole that she herself dug unknowingly.

And that was when she said it. Something that she instinctively went with. The words practically came out of her lips automatically. To be honest, there was little else she could say if she didn't want to hurt his feelings. She didn't want to be serious with Anders because she harbored little feelings for him of the romantic sort. But her personality allowed her to only joke around matters such as these, and perhaps that was why it only served to dig her into the hole deeper.

"How long will it be before I drive you mad?" She joked, smirking at the apostate.

But what happened next was not in her calculations, though there was little else that could've happened. Was she expecting more talk? What more was there to say?

To Anders, her words meant that she gave him permission. It meant that she was willing, and ready. She was aware of what her words meant, but she didn't know what else to say.

Anders' hands flew towards her face, and she closed her eyes because she thought he was about to shake her into consciousness, into seriousness. But instead, she felt a warmth in her mouth, and around her face. And then, a strange wetness on her lips, followed by a unfamiliar, musky scent of jasmine and herbs.

Anders proved to be a ferocious kisser. His lips ate at her hungrily, as if she had long denied him this pleasure. His hands cupped her face tightly, as if he was afraid she would disappear if he didn't hold on. His breaths were heavy and filled with desire, pleasure, and longing.

She didn't fight back. She didn't even flinch. Her eyes fluttered open, and then closed in a few seconds time. At first, she was surprised and didn't know what to do. But then she thought to herself and went along with it.

"_It's too late to go back,"_ She told herself. "_This has already started. It'd be wrong to send Anders away after all this... Perhaps this will even help me to forget... forget about... Fenris."_

But the idea of her former lover shook her in a painful way. And just as she was about to wring Anders' arm off of her neck, she felt him stop his hungry kisses and draw back from her.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, afraid of what to say. She knew that this was not was she wanted. Yet it had already gone too far. Could she go back, even if she wanted?

"This is going to be a disaster." Anders stated before she could muster any words out. This made her feel a lot better. At least Anders was not completely enamored with the idea... yet.

"But I can't live without it."

"_Okay, scratch that. Spoke too soon." _Hawke bit her lower lip.

Anders was looking at her as intensely as ever. "We could die tomorrow. I don't want it to be before I tell you how I feel."

This was getting _really _bad.

"I..." She didn't know how to say it. Even if she did, she couldn't right now.

"I thought with Justice, this part of me was over." Anders' eyes looked soft and confused, perhaps even hurt. "I can't give you a normal life. If you're with me, we'll be hunted, hated – the whole world will be against us."

At this point she suddenly felt the pain and torment of the apostate more than ever. All his hopes to have a normal life were gone the day he became a mage. Yet the moment his life was merged with the spirit of Justice, it got progressively worse. Hawke felt bad for him, and felt even worse for thinking that she was about to deny him one of the few desires he held.

But she didn't know what to say. It had been minutes before she would muster up the strength to reject him, but apparently, her silence meant something else to the confused Anders.

"If your door is open tomorrow night, I will come to you." He decided, making her heart drop and her temperature rise. This was a lot of pressure. What was she to do?

"If not, I'll know you took my warning at last."

At that point, all she could do was nod, and walked past him, out of the clinic, where the air was cooler – and was not suffocating.

* * *

The walk back towards the mansion was not an easy one. As she went through Darktown, through the docks, she watched the moon in the clear skies and tried to clear her thoughts.

Anders was kind and passionate at everything he stood for. But when it came to her, she did not find him inherently attractive. To be honest, she saw little of him past a good friend. Yet the kiss they just shared made her face hot, her heart pump like it was suffering from a shady lowtown market drug, and her head was spinning out of control as she tried to gather her thoughts.

What was she going to do? What _was _there to do? She really only had two options, but neither of them were choices she wanted to make.

She was unsure what to do, and she needed help.

"Varric," she muttered under her breath.

There was little she found attractive in divulging her drama to the dwarf, yet he was a good listener, and gave her adequate input that she needed in situations such as these.

The night was breezy and the air was refreshing. She inhaled slowly, telling herself to calm down as she made her way towards the Docks. She needed to pass through them to go to the Hanged Man, after all.

"_Well, what's this we have here?_"

She turned to find herself suddenly with unwanted company under the moonlight.

"Something tells me you already know of me..." She replied to her hostiles.

"Well met, Serah Hawke." The shadowy figures walked towards her confidently, into the light for her to examine.

_Carta Thugs._

She drew her blades and gazed at them with a smirk. "Well, what a pleasant surprise. And to whom do I owe this pleasure?"

The dwarf in the front lines took out his axe and held it firmly with his two hands, replying, "Cut the jokes, human. You are to accompany us to the slums of Darktown immediately, on behalf of our boss."

"And who is this 'boss' that you speak of?" She asked as she readied her blades, studying the moves of her enemies slowly. If she used a flask of miasma, it would surely give her enough time...

"Come with us, and you will find out." The dwarf replied, though his voice implied anything _but _amnesty. "Our boss is waiting."

"Then I suppose he can wait a while longer."

"Do not try to make this harder than it should be, serah. I would hate to spoil the face of a pretty woman such as yourself."

"Was that compliment? Or a threat? I couldn't tell." She replied in a sarcastic tone while she readied herself to grab at the miasmic flask she had concealed beneath her lightweight armor.

The dwarf made no further attempts to negotiate at that point, and in a few split seconds, Hawke had at least five of their thugs stumbling around from the effects of her poison.

She moved quickly in battle, using the musk and gas she concocted in her free time to mask her movements and whereabouts on the battlefield temporarily. It proved to be a excellent tactic, as usual. Her blades were not as sharp as she wanted, but they would be more than sufficient in this battle. The thugs were not usually a problem for her.

But they were also not usually this conformed and high in number. Had she been accompanied by Aveline and the other, it would've been a piece of cake. Yet, Hawke was still confident that she could take care of herself. She was doing a great job so far, at least.

Her blade sliced through the arm of a red-haired thug just as she kicked the leader against the dusty wall of the alleyway. The injured thug was no match and lay bleeding to death in the dirt. Hawke left him to suffer while she tread towards the leader, whom clutched the wall dearly with one hand, and used his other hand to cover up the gaping wound in this side. She placed her left blade back into its sheath behind her back, and pushed the injured dwarf against the wall, pointing her retracted blade against his throat.

He whimpered softly, barely loud enough for her to hear.

"Who sent you?" She demanded from him, her voice no longer joking as it was before the fight. "Who would have me killed? Speak now!"

"S-Sorry! We were only paid to do it! I don't know what grudge they have!"

"Just tell me who sent you." She emphasized through her teeth. This time angrily.

"I-It was-"

"_HAWKE! Look out!"_

She turned away just in time to hear a whizzing noise loud and clear, followed by a hot friction near her earlobe, and then blood followed, along with another, more distant, whizzing noise.

When she turned back, the dwarven leader was dead, an arrow impaled through his mouth in the most grotesque manner. She shuddered to think it was an arrow meant to kill her.

"Are you alright?" Varric hurried towards her, his crossbow clinking in his arms.

She nodded at him.

"That was a close call." Varric said. "Good thing I spotted you when I did. Too bad the assassin got away though. I hope I grazed him."

She shook her head. "I wouldn't worry about it for now," She assured him. "An assassin or two can be easily taken care of."

"Um, I think you're missing a few screws, kid." Varric answered. "Did you miss the fact that you almost just got killed?"

She chuckled. "I'm still here, aren't I?"

"If it weren't for me."

"And I thank you for that." She bowed. "Unfortunately, the assassin would be long gone by now, and I'm sure he's relieved that he prevented his accomplice from divulging any secrets."

"Which is unfortunate for us." Varric reminded. "I mean, with a person of your stature, my lady, I would understand a few assassins. But I don't know - this one feels shady, Hawke."

They started walking down the alley, disarming themselves from battle. She felt a lot safer now that she had a friend, to be honest. Perhaps this way, she no longer needed to meet Varric to talk at the Hanged Man.

"Why aren't you at least worried?" Varric asked, though his voice showed no more signs of nervousness or panic than hers did. Their nonchalant and cool attitude matched, and that was one of the reasons they had gotten along so well.

"There's little I can do now, Varric. You know that." She explained. "Besides, if I give them time, they'll come back for the completion of their mission. I'll find out what's going on then."

"Well, don't say we didn't warn you." Varric advised.

"'We'? Who is 'we'?"

She didn't need an answer though, because the moment she turned her face from Varric to her new line of sight straight ahead, she found the answer – and her hear nearly stopped.

"We."

From out of the dark, Fenris walked towards them, his blade at his back and his face in a usual scowl. However, this time, his scowl was particularly directed at her.


	4. Interrogation

**A/N:**So college is finally over, and my summer has begun! I'm watching my boyfriend play DAII right now, and it's so disappointing to see that he's not using Fenris (oh well). Honestly, I can't remember the last time I was so infatuated with a fantasy character... it's been a long time, but my fondest one that I ever wrote fanfiction for was Hiei from the Yu Yu Hakusho anime. God, what a stud. But Fenris is just as good, if not better... In any case, I have a feeling that the timeline in my story is confusing (mainly because I haven't played the game in such a long time), so I'll try to sort that out and get rid of inconsistencies as best as I can.

**Summary**: Fenris and Hawke share their one-night stand, and Hawke is left still longing for Fenris, even though he doesn't seem to care about her that much anymore. One day, Fenris decides to talk to Hawke to sort things out together, but before he gets the chance, Hawke agrees to spend an evening with Anders instead. While there at his clinic, Hawke gets a confession from Anders! She is not sure how she feels about it, but goes along with it and even gets a kiss from Anders! Surprised, she leaves his clinic, confused, and is attacked by carta assassins. Varric saves her from harm's way, and they start walking to the Hanged Man, only for Hawke to find that Fenris is with them too. But he doesn't seem too happy. _Could it be that he knows she kissed Anders? _*insert dramatic gasps here*

* * *

**Chapter 4: Fenris**

* * *

"_We."_

Every time she heard his voice, everything disappeared and all she saw was him. He was the one thing that made her doubt herself. All other moves and statements she made outside of Fenris' presence was calculated and completely diplomatic. But he was something she could not figure out, and this was partly due to the fact that every time she saw him, her chest plummeted to her stomach, her mind blurred, and her breath was held by her tongue.

He stepped out from the shadows, his face in a usual scowl, and his eyes focused completely on hers. She found herself unable to turn away, despite her situation with Anders minutes ago.

"Broody and I were about to head off to the usual spot 'til we spotted those suspicious thugs and thought it'd be better to follow them." Varric explained.

"'Suspicious', you say?" She turned away from Fenris' piercing gaze.

"Let's just say that we heard them talking about an attempted kidnapping of our good friend." Varric winked at her as he sheathed his crossbow behind him.

"And you thought it best to follow these men yet not join the fray?" She said in a fake dramatic tone, covering her mouth with her dainty hand.

"Hey, I think we all know that you're one of the best fighters out there. I was sure a few thugs would be nothing for you..." Varric smiled, and then sheepishly put one hand behind his head, his cheeks slightly flushed. "But... the truth of the matter is, we got held up."

"Held up? By what?"

"We were ambushed by more of these common thugs in Lowtown," Fenris did not hesitate to step into the conversation. His voice sounded so familiar to her, yet he himself seemed so far away from her. Nevertheless, her heart beat faster as he continued, "We arrived just in time to save you from the attempted assassination."

"What I don't understand," Varric inquired. "is why they would attempt to kill you – I mean, you've only been here a year, working as a mercenary to pay off that debt of yours. Other than that and Bartrand's expedition, you've little claim to fame."

"Thank you for that, Varric. So much." She said sarcastically, though not in a spiteful manner bur rather a teasing one.

Fenris took a few steps closer to her and the dwarf, and she felt herself drawing in a deeper breath as he neared. "Whatever the reason for their treachery, we should go to the Hanged Man to talk. There may be more of them lurking about. It will be much safer there, lest we be overheard. "

"Agreed." Varric started walking.

Hawke was frozen, however, and found herself incapable of walking until Fenris shifted his gaze from her. It was as if he had the power to hypnotize her at will. The moment his eyes locked with hers, she could not pull herself away. He looked at her in a mixture of emotions that she couldn't decipher. She didn't know if it was longing, anger, nerves, or just his normal scowl. It couldn't be lust, could it? No, that would be her useless daydreaming habits kicking in again.

His eyes shifted their glance slightly downward, releasing her from her imprisonment and allowing her to shuffle her feet up to Varric, her head lowered as she bit her bottom lip nervously.

The entire trek there was cushioned by a talkative Varric, who would've been informed of Hawke's current predicament with Anders had Fenris not been present. Nevertheless, Hawke found many subjects to talk about while in Varric's company, and in fact felt relieved he was there. Otherwise, a walk during the lonely night with Fenris would've been awkward, and even undesired, seeing how the brooding elf was now more broody than ever. When they made it to the Hanged Man, the three immediately got themselves a room, courtesy of Varric of course.

But Hawke did not stop thinking about Anders and what had transpired. Now that Fenris was present, it only made things harder. She felt like she had betrayed him – as if she had betrayed her heart. But then again, a voice in the back of her head had urged her to go along with it. After all, Fenris no longer wanted her. He had better things to do. Still, a part of her wanted to wait, but the other part of her was angry at the way he treated her that night. The fact that he didn't want to talk about it just made it worse.

"Maybe Isabella would know something about this," Varric was saying.

"Why not ask her then? She should be here..." Fenris replied, looking out the door and into the crowded bar down the stairs. "But it seems like we've missed her. She's undoubtedly already asleep. Or sleeping with someone." He muttered the last part quietly under his breath irritably.

Varric shrugged. "Whatever it is, I'll see what me and the Rivaini can dig up. With both of us at work, we should get this resolved in no time. Don't you worry, Hawke."

"I'm not worried." She replied. "I'm merely curious as to what they want with me."

"You've undoubtedly made enemies in your time as a mercenary." Fenris reminded.

She tried not to stare at him. "Well, the faster this gets resolved, the better. I don't want my family in the path of danger. Bethany's gotten herself in plenty of trouble already..."

"Such is the life of an apostate." Fenris spat, to which he was granted a vicious look from Hawke. He, however, disregarded her look of irritation.

Hawke had not been an advocate or adversary of the mages so to speak– however, she was fairly protective of her sister. She was not prepared to lose her family – her father and brother had been enough. In any case, Hawke did not bother to comment on Fenris' spite, and instead turned on her heels and opened the door all the way. Before leaving, she glanced back at Varric.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning. I have something to discuss with you."

Varric looked surprised, but nodded nonetheless. He was not the questioning type, and he had a feeling that this was not something for elf's ears. Otherwise, she would've told him already.

Fenris frowned and watched she left. He knew what was going on – the fact that Hawke shared her secrets with the dwarf was well-known in their party. But this time, he had a feeling that her troubles were specifically _not _for his elven ears. Though uneducated and raised under poor circumstances, Fenris was no fool. His face was contorted with confusion, hope, and also frustration.

But the dwarf seemed pleased at what was happening. Varris poured himself a drink and sat down on his chair, sloppily pulling off his boots in preparation to retire for the night. When he was done, he found Fenris still looking irritated, scratching his snowy locks. The elf was clearly disstressed, and was having a hard time sorting out his own feelings.

Varric sighed. He hated being 'referee', but for Hawke, he would most assuredly do anything, especially after the fiasco with Bartrand and the expedition.

"What are you standing there for, elf? Are you going to join me for a drink, or walk the lady home and be a gentleman?"

Fenris growled at Varric, but did not need a second reminder before he fled the pub. Varris shook his head and poured himself another drink before deciding to retire for the night, with Bianca sitting beside his bedpost, of course.

* * *

The night air was chilly as he ran. He felt the wind comb through his hair and smelled the sea breeze as he went up the chalky stairs towards Hightown. Hawke was a surprisingly fast walker because there was no signs of her anywhere in Lowtown anymore. It made him wonder fruitlessly on whether she had other plans for the evening that dictated her departing so hurriedly. If so, where and what were they? Who did they involve?

He found himself curious, especially after her spending so much time in Anders' clinic. Fenris could practically smell the medicinal herbs on her from a foot away. She had been there for a while, he assumed – and he wanted to know what they had been doing.

But he didn't want to confuse her or startle her. After all, if he paid too much attention, she would start to get her hopes up, and he didn't want that. It was best, he had decided, that she didn't involve herself with him further.

He had a feeling, and it was only a faint one, that the attack tonight had been due to his flight from his former master. If Danarius was hunting him, he would've done all his research before striking. That was his play style. And were Danarius to know how Fenris felt about Hawke – and the strong bond he shared with her – how deeply he felt – well, it was for the best that Hawke remained at a distance from him, and that he could protect her from his own past. He told himself many times already that he had done the right thing.

But this was bothering him. It was like an itch that he could not scratch. And it was not going away. He was frustrated at himself for being so worked up, and for thinking that he still was a part of her life. If Hawke wanted to move on, that was her decision. Why was he doing this?

When he reached Hightown for the night, the first thing he noticed was that the stars looked a lot brighter in the upper district, and the air was less musky. It was a lot more open and quiet - he liked it that way. The stone walls made the surrounding look regal. But Fenris also knew that Hightown was a perfect place for thieves and assassins to lurk in the dark, awaiting their prey. Since it was night time, he knew it would be all the better reason for thieves and thugs of the sort to make their move. Thinking in his head, Fenris paced himself and hoped Hawke was safe.

He started the run. Up the stairs, around the corner... down the alleyway, up another flight of stairs, onto the upper floors, past his home -

"_Fenris!"_

Her voice was alarmed and alert. Her blades were drawn out and her stance was ready for battle. The elf immediately threw one hand up to reassure her.

"It is just me, Hawke. I didn't mean to scare you."

"By the maker, I thought I was getting attacked!" She let out a heavy breath and unarmed herself. "Your footsteps caught me off guard. They were so sudden."

"I apologize, I was merely trying to find you."

"Find me?" Her face flushed slightly pink. "What for?"

He paused a second before replying, "To make sure you are safe. The nights of even Hightown can be dangerous at this time of night."

"Well, thank you for the concern." Her voice was regaining normality.

"Varric and I thought it best to play things safe until we get matters resolved." He walked towards her slowly until they were only a foot away.

Fenris cursed his strong sense of smell immediately, for they allowed him to not only savor her sweet aroma, but also the scent of wounded patrons for the abomination – the scent of his clinic, and _him_. At once, Fenris growled, and Hawke looked at him, startled.

"Hawke, we need to talk."

She stared at him with nervous eyes, and he immediately confirmed his ideas that she was hiding something from him – and that it had to do with Anders.

"About what?" She said that too quietly.

"You were with Anders today."

She was silent for a minute, as if thinking back on something. But she at once regained her headstrong attitude, showing to him that she was not scared.

"Yes, what of it? You were with him too."

"I meant after we departed."

"I went with Anders to his clinic." She stated in a matter-of-fact manner. "I thought that part of the plan was well-established, Fenris. Oh wait- you said you had something to discuss with me, didn't you?"

"I did," He suddenly remembered that too when she mentioned it. However, that was not what he wanted to discuss at the moment. "But that is the least of my worries right no-"

"What is it you wanted to talk about?"

Her tone was very business-like. She was trying a little too hard, and it was showing. She wanted to go to her mansion and be alone, he knew – but he had questions.

"Well?" She said in a demanding way. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm asking the questions tonight, Hawke." Fenris' face glowered and he saw Hawke step slightly back at the sight. His mind was building up man scenarios of her and Anders, and he would not be able to sleep until he got to the bottom of this.

Hawke nodded for him to go ahead, still trying to remain calm and nonchalant, despite his threatening and frustrated demeanor towards her.

"What did you and Anders do?"

"Nothing," She replied quickly, though he noticed her cheeks rising in color. "He bandaged me up, gave me some medicine and we talked for bit. That's all. Why? Did he steal your wallet?" She laughed quietly at this last part as it was a attempt at humor. But Fenris was not laughing.

"We split ways in the afternoon before sundown," He reminded her. "Yet you did not think to return home until a hour ago – you expect me to believe you were_ just talking_?"

"Yes, I do." She retorted. "Why is this interesting to you anyways?"

He was temporarily taken aback at this question, but quickly answered, "Because he is an abomination. I do not want you spending time with someone so dangerous. Who know what he is capable of!"

"He may be a mage, but Anders is no villain!" She argued. "Not every mage is as bad as you deem them to be! Anders is a good man!"

"Is that what he has you thinking?" Fenris said in disgust. "He has completely clouded your judgment. So what? Has he swept you off your feet now?"

"That's none of your business, Fenris." Hawke gritted through her teeth. Her nostrils suddenly flared up, and she glared at him angrily.

"Move on quickly, don't you?" He spat.

"_You left me!_" She raised her voice.

He stopped then, and looked at her. He remained silent, not knowing what to say. Hawe stared at him, still angry, and seconds later, stalked off. But Fenris knew better than to let her walk away. He went after her at once. He didn't want it to end this way. She walked fast, as if he was the devil at her feet.

"Hawke, slow down." He called out.

But she did not stop. She wanted to keep walking, keep running – just as he had years ago. She would give him a taste of his own medicine. She wanted to let herself be angry at him.

"Hawke!"

His voice grew louder and as she walked faster, almost breaking into a run back to her estate. But she felt a firm hand on her wrist, as well as a strong tug that made her turn around so fast that it made her head spin. Blurred images ensued.

His eyes were the first clear things she saw. Those sad, sad eyes that she had fallen for so long ago. They screamed at her, hungered for her, and once upon a time, she thought they _loved _her. Until Fenris abandoned her and made her feel used. She had tried to rationalize his departure so many times, but the truth of that matter was that she simply was heartbroken.

"What do you want from me?" She cried, wrenching herself out of his grasp. He let her go quite easily, and she felt surprised inside.

"The truth," Fenris stared at her fiercely, and she couldn't tell if he was angry, confused, or sad. Perhaps all of them at once. "I just wanted to know."

"I told you already – it's none of your business." She had hoped dreadfully that it was not about Anders, but she had been naive. Though there was just no conceivable way Fenris had known about the kiss she just had, _he knew something was up_.

"What were you doing tonight?' He demanded.

"You never answered me, so I don't have to answer you! Tell me why you even care first!" That came out more spiteful than she was hoping, but Fenris ignored her hostility. He instead stepped closer to her. She could feel his heat, his warmth, and longed to touch him...

"Do not tell me you did something with that... that monster."

She bit her lips and looked towards that ground. He knew about Anders. _But how?_

Fenris grabbed her by the shoulders, pushing her against the cold wall. Wind blew around them, messing up his snowy hair and making goosebumps crawl over her skin. She was at once glad that Fenris was warm, and secretly longed for his embrace even more.

_Why couldn't they just wipe everything away and make love right that moment?  
_She wanted to do so many unspeakable things to him. She wouldn't even mind if he wanted to tie her up, flog her, gag her, or whatever... _she wanted to be his. Desperately._

"Why else would you be with him for so long? You health couldn't possibly have been so dire." He almost hissed, his eyes glowing under the moonlight. His tone was not degrading or sarcastic but angry, which was confusing her terribly. Was he jealous? But why? He _dumped her. _

She inhaled and looked him in the eyes, her heart-rate undoubtedly rising. Her voice was shaking, in fear and anger. How could he accuse her of being such a slut? She had suffered at his expense. And she _still was _suffering. There are not a day since their night together where she did not stop thinking of him.

"I don't like it when you assume such promiscuous things of me. And for the last time, Anders is not an abomination, Fenris. He is my ally, and a good healer. Think what you will, but my relationship with Anders is not what you think." She paused. "Even if it was, who would you be to stop me? You stopped caring, last I checked."

Part of her wished at that moment he would deny her last claim and say he _did _care for her still, and that they could reconcile their past there and then. However, Fenris said no such thing. Instead, he released her from his grip and turned his back to her, and she was cruelly made aware how chilly the night was without Fenris' warmth next to her. She immediately missed his touch.

"Then you are denying your involvement with the mage tonight?" He restated. 'You didn't do anything... with him?"

"'Involvement'? What are you talking about?"

He turned to face her once more.

"Your involvement with the mage – that something happened between you and him today."

"What makes you think that exactly?" She tried to stand her ground. "What, are you having me followed now? Should I be worried? Like I said before, nothing-"

"I don't need to follow you, or hire anyone else to do so in order to know that something of significance has happened to you." He stated forcefully.

"We'll, you're wrong." She responded quickly.

She did not want him to think that she was with Anders. He suspected it, thought she could not possibly fathom how he knew, but he did. Nevertheless, a part of her – a _large_ part of her – wanted Fenris to know that she was still thinking of him, and waiting for his return to her.

"Nothing happened with Anders and I tonight." There was a tremble in her voice as she said this, and she knew her voice was quivering.

"Nothing?" He repeated.

She nodded, and then watched as the elf neared her again.

Maker, he was like a walking God. His snowy lock, handsome face, glimmering tattoos, and suave voice was enough to make her wild, and he didn't even know. The night they had spent together weeks ago was something she constantly relived in her mind. The way he ravaged her and made her his woman that night – it was magical.

Fenris gently placed his hand on her chin, and his thumb brushed her lips softly. Though she was chilly on the outside, she was on fire inside. She felt dreamy. Her heart was skipping, and she wanted desperately for him to kiss her, hold her tightly, and proclaim everlasting love to her, just as he had in her dreams.

But he was not thinking the same. His angry tone shook her back to reality.

"Then why are you constantly touching your lips?" He asked, though it sounded less like a query and more like an interrogation.

She hadn't noticed that she had been doing that all evening. She had done so subconsciously every time she thought about her kiss with Anders - a memory still fresh in her mind. As she dropped her hand from her jaw, her face flushed red, and Fenris' hand flew to her wrist , grabbing onto it tightly.

'Ow!"

"Tell me what happened." He growled under her.

"What do you mean?" She frowned, standing her ground. "What are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I mean, Hawke." He retorted, a long and heavy breath of his landed on her face, and she could feel his body heat on her. "Did you kiss him? Or did he make the first move and kiss you?" Fenris shouted these words, and the way he said them made her stomach churn. Again, he was accusing her of being promiscuous, as if she had resorted to becoming some whore. And she did not take too kindly to it.

"That a little too private to discuss with you, isn't it?" She whispered coldly at him. "What if we did kiss? What would you do then anyways?"

Fenris wore an expression of fury. His brows bent, his lips become thin, and his flesh flushed slightly red. A growl crept out from his lips, and for a moment Hawke felt his grip on her wrist tighten.

He released her though, quite suddenly, and turned way once again.

"Good night, Hawke." He bid her. His voice was cracking a little, she noted. "See you tomorrow." With that, he stalked off the other direction to his mansion, while Hawke stood there confused for a few seconds, and then wandered back home herself.

_What the hell._

* * *

_Hours later..._

* * *

_It's the middle of the damn night..._

But it had been hard for him to find the will to sleep, to think, to dream... In fact, it was getting hard to even breathe when he lay down on his bed. So the trouble elf got up instead and went to his bedroom fireplace.

It was soon lit and running. He sat down in front of it, his arm around his leg, his brows furrowed, and his hands still shaking. Millions of thoughts ran in his head, but only one mattered right now. Only one could not escape his mind that evening.

He was angry, furious even. Of all the people in the world, why Anders? He would not have minded had Hawke chosen to be with an aristocrat, a high-class socialite like herself. But why that lowly mage? She didn't even favor Mages, nor did she care about their circle and their civil rights. So why? What about Anders made him desirable to the woman?

The thought and images in his mind of Hawke kissing him was enough to make his stomach churn, but head throb, and his fist shake. He had half a mind to march into the clinic right then to wring Anders' neck. How dare he think himself worthy of her.

"_Why do you care?"_

When she asked him, he was speechless. It was true that he had little reason to care, seeing how he claimed their relationship was over. But truth be told, he missed her terribly. So terribly. Perhaps even sickening so. His heart cried out for her every night.

But he had to keep telling himself that it was the right thing to do, and that he did not need her as much as he needed a warm body beside him at night-times. What he did that night three weeks ago, he told himself, was the right choice. He had to protect her from his past, from himself. _So why did it feel otherwise?_

Looking at her made his heart beat faster. Being with her was torture. He wanted to grab her several times already to relive their previous experience together – perhaps even create new ones, better ones. He wanted her badly; he wanted to possess her, to take her, to make her his permanently – and show her how deep his love for her goes.

"_If only she could see what she's done to me."_ He thought as he took a seat near the fireplace, watching it's dancing flames. His mansion may've been dirty and unkept, but at least the fireplace still worked.

Fenris looked at the ribbon on his arm. The one he seldom took off. He still remembered the feeling he got that night: their lips touching, their cheeks brushing, watching her sleep next to him... He thought about it more often than he would ever admit, but he already knew, deep down, that he loved her. From the moment she touched him, the moment she walked over to him and whispered in his ears, _he knew_.

It occurred more and more often, where Fenris would sit by himself, attacking the coals of the fire while he thought to himself, unable to sleep. Then it would suddenly hit him like an arrow aimed at his heart: he missed her. So much. His heart ached for her.

Everything about her – he missed it. And that was when he realized the inevitable truth – he had fallen in love, in love with her so suddenly that the though had gone past him only for him to realize too late. He may have realized much sooner, but right now, it was all coming back to him, that feeling that she needed to be in his arms.

"Damn," He cursed himself quietly in the cold and abandoned mansion. "How did this happen?"

* * *

**Ending Notes: **

Sorry it wasn't filled with noms *wink*wink* But the good news is that I finally have all of this planned out! The bad news is that... I won't post anymore until I get more reviews! Hah! (;.; Actually, that's untrue, but the point is: **PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!**)

_Thanks for Reading! Cheers for Fenris fandom!_

-Aris


	5. Provocative

**A/N:** So this is like a game of cat/mouse. I'm trying to update frequently, especially since I've already planned the whole story to the end in my head. But the problem is - I don't want my boyfriend finding out that I'm writing Fenris fanfiction. (I'll be JUDGED!) And, I'm not too keen on the fact that he'll want to know what it's about/read it... Talk abotu embarrassing. But yeah, that's my excuse for slow updates. I don't get to write very often with him living with me...

**Summary**: Fenris and Hawke share their one-night stand, which Fenris breaks off because he doesn't want her endangered by Danarius. They still share feelings for each other, but neither of them are outwardly confessing to one another. Hawke starts to hang out with Anders one night, and their time together results in a kiss, which Fenris is furious at Hawke for. She is confused because she thinks he doesn't love her, and he is confused at himself because he DOES love her, but shouldn't let it happen. (Oh, let the problems ensue!)

* * *

**Chapter 5: Provocative**

* * *

The morning sun came washing in through the window as it always did, and the first thing Hawke thought to do was to curl up more into her covers. But after a few minutes of dozing on and off, she realized that the severe sunbeams were making her feel rather sweaty underneath the sheets. She had no choice but to get up.

Groggily dragging herself to the washroom, she barely made any notion of acknowledgment to Sandal and Bodahn. It was only after she had gotten dressed, washed her face, and cleaned herself up that she greeted them at the breakfast table, which her mother had already prepared.

"Everything alright, dear?" Leandra asked, watching her daughter eat silently.

She shook her head. "No, mother. Everything is fine. I've got a few bandits to pick at today, but nothing else is new..."

"Don't try to patronize me, dear." Her mother smiled at her. "I can tell when there's something troubling you. Why don't you tell me?"

"I don't want to trouble you."

"Nonsense. With Bethany gone, there's only one other child I have left to care for. You would be making me worry by _not _telling me."

"It's nothing, really." Hawke paused. "I'm just having... romantic issues."

"'Romantic'?" Her mother's eyebrows rose. "With whom, may I ask?"

"... … Anders." Then Hawke added silently. "And maybe Fenris too."

"My! I always thought Bethany would be the one with all the boy problems. No offense, of course dear." Her mother was genuinely surprised, and it did not bother Hawke one bit.

She had a point. Bethany was always the more womanly type, while Hawke herself had devoted much of her time working as the next in line as head of their household. Her years in Kirkwall as a mercenary only justified this more. She could be womanly at times, yes, but her sister had always been the more attractive type. In fact, Hawke distinctly remembered the times when she and Carver had to help Bethany fend off nasty boys that wouldn't leave her sister alone back when they where in Lothering.

Thinking about her sibling made her feel a little sad, and she could tell it was doing the same for her mother, so she changed the subject immediately. Her mother didn't need to think back on the past any more than she already did. However, talking about other matters didn't stop Hawke thinking in the back of her head about Fenris or Anders though, the latter of which was forcing her to answer to his desires for her tonight. She had not forgotten, even though she wanted to.

After getting geared up, Hawke left her mother to her daily duties around the house, and made her way through Hightown.

She stopped short as her foot landed on the top of the steps. She looked to her left and there it was – the door to Fenris' mansion. She had initially meant to seek out Aveline for the knight's company, but she somehow found herself standing in front of Fenris' door. Was he sleeping? She wondered.

She didn't know what to do, let alone why she had come here in the first place. She stood outside his home, analyzing herself. Perhaps this was just her subconsciously telling her that she should try to make amends. After all, how many days had it been since their night together? Three weeks? Maybe even more. Neither of them said anything about it, yet she was suffering. Perhaps this was her heart's way of saying that Anders was not the one for her.

But she didn't want to knock on the door – she didn't even know that to say.

_Hey Fenris, how about we talk about why you're being such an enormous ass?_

That wouldn't work. But she was angry at him. He had seemingly used her for a one-night stand, but then exemplified jealousy over her time spent with Anders. What was wrong with this elf? He was inevitably the hardest person she had ever had to understand. Yet she knew deep inside that she cared for him, loved him, and longed for him still. But did he feel the same way?

She turned around to leave for the Viscount's place when she heard the sound of a door creaking open behind her. She didn't even have the option to keep walking before the all too familiar voice behind her called out.

"Hawke?"

She had no choice. She had to turn around to talk to him. How was she going to explain this one? She was right outside his home, about to leave – just her luck.

"Fenris." She replied, staring into his eyes. "I was just about to... meet Aveline."

"Were you looking for me?"

She remained silent, and didn't know how to respond. Technically, she hadn't planned on inviting him today. But her walk had led her to him nevertheless. But if she had said that, she would seem more than a little crazy.

There was an awkward silence between them, and she shuffled her feet around. But Fenris spoke up before she could grant herself leave.

"I meant to explain myself... for last night." Fenris explained. He crossed his arms and placed one hand below his chin. "I was not myself, and I apologize for that."

"Apology accepted." She replied, though it was short and dismissive.

Fenris frowned at her. "Hawke, I think we need to talk."

She raised her eyebrows. "About?"

"I think you know." Fenris' face was stern and more serious than ever.

"Well, now would be a good time to do so, wouldn't you think?" She tried to smile, but it just came out to be a forced grimace. She didn't know what he wanted to talk about. Part of her wished he would just make up with her, but another part of her just wanted to run away from him.

"Would you like to come inside?" He asked politely, opening the mansion door for her. She was reluctant to do so, but she obliged anyways.

The inside of his mansion was so cold – both in temperature and in décor. The cobwebs were numerous and the dust was everywhere. Yet she was glad that little had changed about him. She appreciated the little things.

Fenris led her to the table in his wine cellar, where he first told her about his travels apart from Danarius, as well as his escape from his former master. The memories came rushing in, and she felt an uncontrollable smile come on.

She sat down in the chair opposite of him from the table, and watched as he poured a glass of sparkling water for her.

"What did you want to talk about?" Her voice was not as cold as it had been outside of the mansion. It was the aura of his presence, and of the memories together with him.

"I wanted to apologize... and to explain myself to you."

"Then explain away."

He paused, as if he had remembered his recitation beforehand. "Hawke, we both know that I'm a fugitive of Tevinter, and that my place as a former slave could jeopardize any of us at any time."

"This again?" Her heart dropped. She had sincerely hoped that he had wanted to talk to her about reconciliation, but she had a feeling that this was not where it was going to go. She had heard this speech before, and she had been heartbroken because of it.

"Please hear what I have to say first," He explained. "I know we have gone over this before, and I realize that I've been... irrational of late."

"Irrational?" Her tone was sarcastic. He had been utterly ridiculous.

"My actions have been erratic, but they are with purpose. I don't want you thinking that I am being uncaring. It is quite the opposite, in fact. However, I think we should talk about current events. Like last night."

"So you're saying that you care for me?" She wished she didn't sound so hopeful. "And yet last night you seemed confused."

"I... confess that my actions last night were unbecoming." He said slowly. "But I had good reasons for that."

"I know you do not share my similar sentiments on mages, but that does not mean you have to force your ideas on me." She said. "I am fine with Anders' presence."

He cringed a little when she said that, and looked straight into her eyes, in a most hypnotic way that made her want to dream with him.

"Anders is not who he seems to be, I assure you." Fenris started. "And believe me when I say that this does not only relate to his profession as a mage. It is much more than that. He is using you, Hawke."

"Using me? For what?" She exclaimed.

"I do not know."

"Then how do you know his intentions are ill?" She demanded.

"You are not the only one with sources in this city, Hawke." Fenris reminded. "It is not hard for me to use Danarius' name to obtain information around here."

"Then tell me what Anders is planning."

"I cannot say."

"Why not?"

"Because I do not know myself." Fenris explained. "All I've been told is to be weary of him, for his demeanor is merely an act. You would do well not to fall into his trap."

"You have no proof, Fenris." She started, glaring at him. "Anders is our friend! He has helped us a great many times."

"All mages are good actors." Fenris retorted.

"Not all mages are like Danarius." She argued. "You have been clouded by one event in your life. You let it rule your decisions without a second thought!"

"Is that what Anders told you to say?" Fenris snarled.

"No, it isn't." She replied shortly. This was going nowhere. "Anders has been good to us, but you won't consider that idea because believe all mages are like Danarius. We should be grateful for Anders in joining us. He has been a great help."

"Well you certainly show your gratefulness abundantly to him."

"What?" She was confused as to what he was trying to say for a moment. "What do you mean? What are you trying to say?"

Fenris stood up from his chair, looming above her. "I mean to say that you've certainly showed him a great amount of gratefulness, if it means you'll give yourself to him so quickly after you and I-"

"I did _not _give myself to him!" She yelled. "How dare you accuse me of promiscuity! I did no such deed with Anders, and I did not plan to kiss him! It was an accident, and I mean to clear things up with him today. Why would you even think that?"

"Your accident was no accident at all." Fenris mocked. "You led him on and are now suffering the consequences of your actions. You say you do not like him, yet you had no qualms leaving the issue to be resolved today, while you thought about it all last night."

"And? Why is that such a horrible thing?" She asked aggressively. "I wanted to give myself the night to think about his offer."

"His offer?" Fenris stepped closer to her. "And just what offer is this? Are you turning into Isabella, parading your body to the world and selling your wares to just about anyone? Is that your new lifestyle?"

At that moment, she stood up abruptly and slapped him square across that cheek.

"Anders and I have a mutual understanding!" She claimed. "I have never been interested in him in that way, but he seemed to have misunderstood me."

Fenris glared at her, his hand on his swollen cheek. "You brought this upon yourself." He reminded.

"If I did, I did so unknowingly." She explained. "However, my relationship with the others is of not concern to you, Fenris. I wanted to give myself another chance at love."

The elf looked at her, both angry and surprised.

"I'm tired, Fenris." She confessed. "What we had together... you claim is over. So I thought to give myself another chance. Is that so wrong?"

"I..." Fenris' voice trailed off, as if he could not find the right words to say.

"I know I'm going to die of embarrassment later on, but I'm going to tell you this now: After that night we shared together, I kept hoping that you would come back someday. I kept thinking that one morning I would wake up with you beside me, and that you were still in love with me, like you claimed to have been that night." She blushed as she said these words. "But it is not so. You told me that yourself. So I have no choice but to-"

Lavender.

That was the taste in her mouth as her sentence was cut off by the warmth of the lips she had longed for those past weeks. Fenris had grabbed her by the arm, pulled her around to face him, and smashed his lips against her to hungrily that you would think that he hadn't eaten for days.

She was surprised at first, but then went along with it. She too had desired this for such a long time. How many times had she dreamed that he would sweep her off her feet and just take her? The warmth from his lips was exactly as she had remembered.

But he broke from the kiss suddenly, and she found herself staring at a appalled pair of eyes. It was as if Fenris realized that he had made a horrible mistake.

"Fenris, what-"

"Hawke, we should not do this." He cut her off.

"What?" Her eyebrows curled and he face was almost equally as confused as it was irritated. "What are you talking about? _You _kissed _me_! What was that for?"

"I... I lost control of myself. I'm sorry."

"That's it? 'Sorry'?" She exclaimed. "What are you trying to do to me?"

"I..." He paused. "You said that I abandoned you, and that I no longer loved you. But I... I just wanted to tell you that those thoughts are not true."

"I don't understand."

Fenris looked straight into her eyes and said it.

"I'm in love with you, Hawke."

She thought she would melt right there and then. Her face grew red, and her heart thumped faster than ever. Did he really just tell her that?

"Fenris..."

"But this... cannot be."

"What are you talking about?" She paued. "Do you ever make any sense?"

"I... I have never felt this way before." He confessed. "And it is taking a toll on me, I'll admit. But I cannot have you endangered by my desire for vengeance."

"I thought I told you," She stepped closer to him. "That we would be in this together. I will take part in your quest, Fenris."

"I do not want you involved."

"I can take care of myself."

"It is best you keep out of this." Fenris turned away from her. "It is also best you keep away from me. I don't want you getting hurt. It would pain me so. I couldn't bear the idea of losing you..."

"I'm not child, Fenris." She argued. "This is the same conversation we had that night three weeks ago. Why not give it a rest? I will be involved regardless."

"Hawke, you do not understand. You underestimate Danarius' power. I don't want something horrible to happen to you." He tried again. "I think it is best for us to be merely allies and nothing more."

"What?" Her anger was increasing by the second. "Let me get this straight: You sleep with me, break it off with me the next morning, then get angry at me for a kiss with Anders that I did not even instigate, and now you apologize, proclaim your love for me, kiss me, and then tell me that we should just be friends?" Hearing the words come out of her mouth made it seem all the more ridiculous, for which she was glad. It sounded like something one would find in a theater script, and hopefully helped to prove her point.

"Hawke, you do not understand right now." Fenris maintained a calm attitude. "But you will someday. I... do not want you to be with me. It will only harm you."

"I do not care!"

"I do."

"Then what would you have me do?" She cried. "I have never been so confused in my life, Fenris. So tell me that you would have me do!"

"Be yourself... and forget about me."

"You say it as if it's so easy." She said bitterly. "But it is not."

"I know that better than anyone, Hawke." He replied gloomily.

"Then you would do well to know that there is an easy solution to this. It does not have to end like this. We can continue on together."

"We cannot, Hawke. This is my decision. I want you to be safe, first and foremost."

"You have no idea what you're saying." She proclaimed. "How can you be like this?"

"I am certain on my decision, Hawke."

She was silent for a moment and looked to the floor. When she looked up seconds later, she hoped that Fenris would be there, staring into her eyes. But his back remained to her, and she longed to reach out and touch him.

"I am alone, then." She concluded.

"You are not. I am still here."

"What will it take for you to come back to me?" She begged him, no longer caring that she looked like a fool. She ached for him, and wanted his embrace more than ever.

"Nothing. It is over."

"Even if I threaten you by using Anders?"

At this he turned around abruptly, his eyes glaring.

"You will not."

"Or will I?"

"Hawke, I'm being serious."

"Promise me you'll come back to me."

"I cannot do that. I've made my decision, I told you already."

"To hell with your decision. I don't want to be a part of it."

"You have no choice in the matter, Hawke."

"I do! You cannot imprison me with your words, Fenris."

"And so you conclude to threaten me by sleeping with your little mage pet?" He snarled in a disgusted way. "You do not even love him."

"I love you, it's true." She admitted. "But if you are so stubborn, then two can play at that game. Perhaps I'll even learn to like Anders."

"You must be joking."

"I am not, Fenris." She threatened. "I want to be with you, but you have denied me many times already. You leave me with little choice."

"Anders is using you." Fenris reminded her.

"Then I shall do the same to him."

"This is not that way. If you are not careful, he will-"

"Then what is the 'right way'?"

Fenris remained silent. He knew no answer for that. What would he have her do?

"Fine! Be with Anders!" He yelled at her angrily. "You cannot understand what I am going through. I've only ever tried to protect you!"

"I can protect myself, thank you!"

"Are you really that desperate for a man?"

"If I was, I wouldn't have waited this long to come begging for you to come back to me!" She shouted back. "I don't care about what you do anymore, Fenris. You lug me around like a toy, and you play with my heart as if it's a musical instrument to you. I'm tired of this."

"Then why not go run off to your little mage, Anders?" He mocked.

"Rest assured, Fenris." She threatened one last time. "I will."

And with that, she stomped out of his mansion, leaving the elf alone in his anger and despair as she tried to walk off the guilt and butterflies in her stomach.


	6. A Night to Remember: Hawke x Anders

**A/N:** No joke, but this was the hardest scene to write (the end scene I mean), because I'm trying to get Anders' character in shape for the progressing story, and contrast it with Fenris'. It is, in all honesty, the worst smut scenes I've ever written because it's so... unaggressive. Criticism is welcome, of course. Also - I like to put on music that suits the story mood! I only wish they allowed you to put up a playlist or something to go along with fanfics!

**Summary**: Fenris and Hawke share their one-night stand, which Fenris breaks off because he doesn't want her endangered by Danarius. They still share feelings for each other, but when Hawke starts to hang out with Anders one night and the two kiss, Fenris gets angry. He forbids Hawke to associate herself with the mage, but she refuses and claims she will do with Anders whatever she pleases until Fenris agrees to come back to her. However, tonight is also 'the night' for Hawke to decide on if she will reject Anders' love for her, or try to start something new...

* * *

**Chapter 6: A Night To Remember**

* * *

"What's the matter, Hawke? You seem a bit off today." Aveline said as they walked through Hightown with Varric and Anders.

"I've just got a lot to think about, Aveline. I'm fine."

She didn't want her knight friend to be worried for her. Worse yet, to try and solve her problems. If Aveline ever found out what happened between her and Fenris, it would go without saying that Aveline would most likely knock down the door to Fenris' mansion, and then proceed in pummeling him into a bloody pulp. No, it was best to leave that subject unspoken to her.

Varric, on the other hand, was too preoccupied with a conversation he had just started with Anders. He had been staring that Anders' dwelling facial expression for a while.

"Seriously, Blondie. If you've got something to say, just spit it out."

"Are you sure you want to encourage me? I might be about to confess my undying love." Anders joked.

Varric shrugged, a grin on his face. "I get that a lot." He maintained a humble tone, though there was pride in his voice too. "So what's on your mind?"

"Well, I just realized it's been a while since any of the gangs in the undercity came to my door..." Anders quickly moved his eyes to look at Varric, as if suggesting something.

Varric looked away and gave out a short whistle before replying, "They're busy people. Places to go, throats to cut. Maybe you've slipped their minds."

"Right. The apostate running the free clinic in the sewers. Easy to forget. You didn't have anything to do with this?"

Varric gave him a innocent look. "You must have me confused with someone else! I'm just a businessman and a storyteller."

Hawke laughed at her friend's attitude, partly because it was entertaining and partly because she didn't want Aveline badgering her about what was wrong.

They were making their way down to the Darktown slums to deliver a message to one of the citizens when Varric caught up with Hawke to talk to her.

"So I've got some important news for you, kid." Varric started. He rummaged through his belongings and brought out what looked like an arrowhead.

"What is this?" She asked as she look it from his palm. "An arrowhead? Looks finely crafted. What's the significance of this?"

"It was the arrow that almost killed you last night." Varric explained. "Me and Aveline here have been trying to get our sources together and find out where it came from, or rather, _who _it came from."

"And?" Hawke raised her eyebrows, eager to hear the result.

Aveline shook her head in a disappointed manner. "Nothing. No results. All we know is that the arrowhead is foreign. It does not come from Fereldan."

"Which means it came from somewhere else." Varric concluded. "You sure have made strange enemies, Hawke."

"But I know of no one outside of Fereldan!" Hawke proclaimed. "Have you tried asking the foreign merchants around Lowtown?"

"Apparently is custom-made. There's no way of knowing who was trying to kill you, unless we know exactly where this came from. And seeing as we killed the remaining thugs, and let some escape, I think we have a pretty slim chance to finding them, unless your murderers are still in town to finish the job."

"Do you think we should hire some people to guard her at her house?" Anders suggested, his staff clunking behind him as they walked.

"Heavens, no!" Hawke said. "My mother would have a heart attack!"

"Well, we should be more careful from now on." Aveline had her usual serious face on. "There's no telling where your assailants are, and when they'll strike. If you want, I'll send you guard to accompany you whenever you're alone."

Hawke shook her head vigorously. "And give up my privacy? No thanks."

"It is for your protection, Hawke." Aveline argued.

But Varric stepped in. "Hold on, Aveline. If Hawke doesn't want your protection, we'll just have to be all the more careful, as you've said. Who knows – maybe it won't happen again." Aveline gave him a hard look of disapproval, so Varric added, "But if it _does _happen again, I suppose Hawke will have no choice in the matter, Captain."

Aveline begrudgingly agreed, and Anders just nodded.

Hawke gave the arrow back to the dwarf and they continued their trek through Darktown, delivering messages and herbs for their clients. By the sundown, they had made a great sum of money, and split it up between themselves. Aveline went back to the barracks to check on her men, while Anders hurried back to the clinic, promising to meet them later at the Hanged Man pub for a night of games and ale.

Meanwhile, Varric and Hawke was left alone in the Darktown alleys.

"Well, shall we?" Varric asked.

"Are you inviting me to have a drink?"

"Why not? It'll be on me."

"I suppose I could use one..."

They walked together to the dusty Lowtown slums, all the while talking about trivial matters. Hawke enjoyed talking to Varric the most. He was very entertaining, and a great listener. She openly admitted, in fact, that she was very glad to have met him.

"The feeling's mutual, kid." Varric smiled as he opened the door to the bar.

The bartender there looked up at his new customers, but then smiled and waved at his regulars. Varric waved back as he led Hawke to the back of the pub at his usual spot. They sat down in his humble abode and the first thing he did was order two jugs of ale.

As the waitress walked off to complete his request, Varric turned to Hawke, who was taking off the heavy daggers resting on her back. She laid back on the chair and got comfortable.

"So anything new with you?" She asked, smiling and resting her arms on the table.

He shook his head and pointed at her. "Nope, but I guarantee that you _do _have something new. I can tell."

"Is it really that obvious?" She said, discouraged.

Varric shook his head again. "No, but when I've known someone long enough, I can just tell when something's up. Call it a gift, if you must."

"Well, it's just petty problems." She tried shying away from the topic. Her romance problems shouldn't involve Varric. He didn't need to know about those.

"Petty problems usually evolve into bigger ones, in my experience." He advised as he laid back on his chair. "But if you don't feel comfortable talking about it to me, then I suppose there's no point forcing you."

"Varric, you know that you're one of the only people I tell everything to."

"I know," He replied nonchalantly. He paused to wait for her to say something else, but after a few moments, he added, "I'm guessing this is a matter that you can't discuss with mother-dearest?"

"Well, it is." She started. "But it isn't as well."

Varric cocked an eyebrow at her.

She explained, "I tried telling her this morning, but it only served to make her depressed because she brought up Bethany."

"Oh." Varric leaned back and put his hands together. His tone was understanding. He immediately knew why Hawke had decided not to tell her mother about bwhatever it is she was about to bring up. Bethany would only make Lady Amell-Hawke more depressed.

The waitress came back with two jugs of ale and set them on the table. Varric winked at her as she walked off and then took a sip from his mug. Hawke rested her hand beneath her chin and drew a face with the condensation built up on the mug instead of drinking it.

"Is it the Fenris problem again?" He guessed. Always correct, of course.

She sighed.

"I knew it." He leaned forward. "That Broody always makes everyone broody with him. It's his gift, I'd say. So – what did he do this time? I thought you and him were no longer together. Didn't he say that to you?"

She nodded. "He did. But last night..." She trailed off because she didn't know if she should tell Varric about Anders. Would he think that she was being promiscuous?

"Drink," Varric motioned to her. "It'll help you get things off your chest."

"Is that what you do here?"

"Isn't that what everyone does here?" He corrected, grinning.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to get me drunk so I'd spill the beans." She retorted. "It's not going to work, by the way."

"Then I suppose it's a good thing that you _do '_know better', Hawke." Varric replied, grinning. "It's not getting you drunk – just getting you to loosen up is all."

She smiled back and they made a toast before drinking half of their mugs. If this really was a ploy of the dwarf's to get her drunk and spill the beans, it was not going to work that easily. She was not going to have more than his one mug, she promised herself.

Nevertheless, the great company of Varric always made her loosen up and relax, not just because of the alcohol. In fact, it had little to do with that. He was just pleasant to converse with. In fact, if Hawke did not feel that it would be strange to do so, she would've told him that she considered him her best mate.

"So continue," Varric was saying. "What happened last night?"

"I went back to Anders' clinic with him."

"Yeah, I remember. You weren't feeling well."

"I fell asleep there."

"Ugh, I can only imagine the nightmares you would have by smelling all those herbs and infections." Varric shuddered. "I don't know why Blondie insists on staying there instead of here for the night."

She chuckled and continued. "When I woke up, Anders and I talked." She paused for a second before adding quickly. "And that was when he told me that helovedmeandwekissed."

Varric stopped drinking and step his mug down. "Wait, slow down a sec – I can barely even decipher what you just said. He told you _what?"_

She blushed slightly, and said the last part again more slowly. "He said that he liked me... and kissed me."

Varric's brow rose significantly, and his expression immediately became intrigued and delighted. He made hand gestures in the air before him. "I can't wait to write this in my book: Hawke's love triangle is born."

She hung her head down. "Don't say that. I don't even think it's a Love triangle."

"Isn't it? You love Broody, and Blondie loves you! It's a perfect addition to my story and will be popular with the lady readers."

"Since when do you care about lady readers?" She joked, eyeing his crossbow.

"Bianca isn't the jealous type."

"Isn't she?"

"She's not like Broody, if that's what you're saying."

Hawke's eyebrows rose. "I haven't ev en mentioned that yet. How do you know about Fenris being jeal-"

"I could tell last night. I mean, I'm pretty sure we both could. When we saved you from certain death, The elf was particularly broody - _and grumpy._"

"He somehow found out that Anders kissed me. And cornered me while I was going back home last night to talk to me about it." She paused. "Or threaten me about it. Whichever you prefer to write in your book."

"Which do _you_ prefer?"

"I would say he was more on the threatening side." She pretended to think about it aloud, placing her hand on her chin as a thoughtful gesture. Then she rested her head in her hands and sighed for the umpteenth time. "I was so angry last night. He was being utterly ridiculous. I don't even know how he found out." She shook her head and took another sip from her mug.

"I'd wager than he didn't know at all." Varric said as he did the same. "He was just luring you into admitting what you did. To be honest, you _were _acting just as funny as Broody was last night."

"Well, he certainly got the job done right." She sighed. "I admitted what happened to Fenris last night, and all I could think about was what I would do about Anders tonight."

"What do you mean?"

"Anders confessed his love for me," She explained. "And wants to know my answer tonight. He said that if my door is open tonight, he will come to me."

"And what have you decided to do?" Varric inquired.

"Nothing as of yet." She admitted. "But after this morning, I don't even know..."

"This morning?"

She closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. "I accidentally met Fenris on my way to see Aveline. He … wanted to talk."

"About?"

"The same thing he told me that night three weeks ago. Except this time, he apologized for calling me an 'easy woman', and then told me he loved me."

"So what's the problem? I thought that was what you wanted." Varric said. "Don't tell me you've developed feelings for Blondie too?"

She shook her head. "I wanted to be with Fenris this entire time. I thought that when he told me he loved me this morning, everything would go back into place. But it didn't. Fenris did the same thing he did to me on our night together. He said he didn't want me around, and that I would be in danger if I were with him."

"A typical Broody response, of course."

"I've never tried so hard to get someone to stay with me. I was practically begging him to come back with me. But he's as stubborn as a mule, and was insistent that we break things off. After he kissed me and told me not to be with Anders..."

"He's the jealous type, I'll tell you." Varric replied. "So basically, he won't let you have a chance with Blondie, but he won't let you near him either..."

It felt a lot better for her to tell someone than she thought it would. Of course, she knew that Varric could not help resolve her problems, but it felt all the better knowing that she had someone to confide in – someone to share her problems. She even told him in detail about the conversation she had with Fenris that morning.

"I say do whatever you want, Hawke." Varric told her. "Which, it seems to me that you've already got it lined up for you."

She looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"You told Broody what you would do, right?" He explained. "So go along with it."

"But Varric," She protested. "I was just saying that to provoke him. I don't really mean to use Anders in that way. I don't want to hurt him."

"If you look at it this way, Blondie could use some loving." Varric said. "Besides, if Fenris doesn't let up, then at least you can finally have a chance at Blondie. He seems to really like you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh, you know." Varric shrugged. "He comes here every so often to play cards and I get him to slip up a few words here and there." Varric winked at her and she laughed.

"Seriously though," Hawke started. "What if Fenris decides he was wrong and that he _does_ want to be with me? What happens to Anders then? I can't just string them both along like that. It would be cruel. Besides, I don't even know how I feel about Anders yet."

"Which is a good incentive for you to find out tonight." Varric corrected.

"But I don't want to hurt him, Varric." She reminded him. "I really don't."

"I know you don't." Varric assured her. "But in a situation like this, when it comes down to it, it's all your call. What I say has no effect on your decisions, Hawke. Or at least, they _shouldn't_ impact them..."

"But if you were in my position," She asked. "What would you do?"

Varric just smirked. "If I were in your position? Hawke, you _must_ not know me. I'd most likely buy them both a mug of ale, swap stories with them, and-"

"Seriously, Varric!"

Varric stopped and looked disappointed, as if he was really enjoying his made-up tales. But Hawke wanted a straight-forward answer. Varric shrugged.

"Truthfully? I wouldn't know what to do, kid. In fact, if I were caught in a situation like that, I'd just take it as it goes. If one of them goes sour, then 'oh well'."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

Hawke was silent for a moment. She was not good at thinking on her feet, unless there was a fight involved. She was still unsure what she should do.

"You should take a note or two from Isabella's book." Varric smirked. "You know how she is with her... clients."

Hawke shook her head and sighed. "I'm not trying to parade myself around like that. I just... want _one _person. But it's not Anders."

"I know, I know." Varric took another swig of his ale. "But if there's anyone who can teach you the art of seduction – it's her."

"I don't know... I'm not too fond of divulging my personal drama to the party..."

"Understandable," Varric nodded. "Though I wonder why you've bothered telling me. Don't you think I have a big mouth as well? Me and the Rivaini get along quite well."

"I know that," Hawke paused. "But it's nice to talk to someone about these things. Even if you end up spilling the beans. Thank you, Varric."

"No problem," Varric smiled. "And don't forget to come here more often. Your company is always a pleasure to have, Hawke. Also- might I add that the only times I have at slipping up any of your secrets is that when I'm terribly intoxicated?" He smirked proudly. "And that's a pretty hard thing for someone to like me to do!"

"I would imagine so." She laughed and walked towards the door. "I suspect you're expecting company for the evening?" She asked, looking down the hall to the main lobby of the Hanged Man. "Is that why Anders is here?"

"Well, I asked Blondie for a round of cards. Rivaini and Broody should also be coming." He paused. "I don't suspect you see Captain Man-Hands out there?"

"Who?" She was confused for a minute until she put together who in their usual crowd was left. Then she laughed. She was not used to the nickname yet. "You mean Aveline?"

Varric nodded. "She and Donnic were invited, but I don't think she's the kind to play trivial card games with us."

"Well, she's here." Hawke pointed as she stood up abruptly against Varric's doorway. "And so is... Fenris?"

"Well, I just _told _you I invited Broody as well." He reminded. "It's not a party without him. Besides – Daisy couldn't make it because she has 'important matters' to attend to. It's always exciting when Aveline shows up though – she's got more for me to win."

"How come you never invite me to these things?" Hawke pretended to be mad, and Varric smirked again.

"Why, I thought it was unspoken that you are _always _invited."

She smiled and then looked nervously down the hall.

"I think I won't be joining you tonight..."

"Like I said, that's understandable." Varric said as they both walked out his room.

She followed him a few steps down and the first thing she did as she looked up was see Fenris, who was walking in her direction to take his seat. She immediately proceeded to stuff her hands in her pockets because of her nervous fidgeting (or angry shaking). Whatever the reason, her belly flopped, her face flushed red, and she looked down on the ground.

But the snow-haired elf did little that showed he had perceived her being there. In fact, he walked right past her and took his seat. He ordered a drink from the waitress first and made himself comfortable.

Was he giving her the silent treatment? Seriously?

Anders sat down, smiling at her, and pointed at the chair beside him. "Are you going to join us tonight?" He asked in his usual sophisticated voice. It was a lot gentler than usual, and his smile had more of a hidden meaning than it did before, she noticed.

"I'm not sure yet." She replied, trying not to gaze at Fenris. "There seems to be a lot of people here tonight."

"The more the merrier, Hawke." Varric added as he sat down at the end of the table with the cards in his hands. "Everyone, order up! It's on me, as usual!"

"Then I hope you won't mind if I get myself some nice bit of rum." Isabella chimed in as sat across from Aveline, winking at the guard captain in a flirtatious manner. Aveline replied to this with a pair of rolling eyes.

"A sailor's drink! Why not?" Varric exclaimed.

"You know, we used to have this interested mixture of rum and herbs for the sailors who worked the hardest in the crew." She explained as she took the drink from the waitress. "It looked like a nasty concoction of grog – but by the sea did it work wonders!"

"Is that what you had your sailors drink before you set out to sea?" Anders smirked. "Perhaps that's why your ship didn't make it back."

They laughed, even Isabella. Hawke joined in, of course, and took her seat in between Anders and Varric.

"I thought you weren't going to join?" Anders asked her.

"I changed my mind." She smiled. "I suppose I could try giving everyone a run for their money for the night. Just don't beat me up later, okay?."

"You can try, dear." Anders replied to her challenge.

"I wouldn't mind a run for your money," Isabella added and winked at her. "If you get what I'm saying."

"Ah! See? This is why I love you, Rivaini." The dwarf smiled and turned back to the party, now situated around the playing table. "So how about a quick round to warm up first? I'll go easy on you guys."

"Not tonight, Varric." Aveline challenged. "I _will _take back what you owe me."

Varric let out a long exhale. "My dear Aveline, I will accept your challenge, though may I remind you that I won those coins fair and square." He paused. "Unlike some other people present at the table."

Isabella snickered.

Hawke couldn't help but feel a smile creep across her face. Time spent with her companions outside of the everyday routine was always wonderful. Sure, they had separate lives outside of venturing the wilds with her, but their time off-duty with her seemed all the more enjoyable.

Varric dealt them in one by one. Hawke watched as Fenris received his cards like the others. But he remained glued to the game the entire session, and while a few minutes here and there allowed Hawke to sneak peeks at him during the game, not once did they meet eye contact. It seemed he was indeed treating her as if she was invisible. Not once did he even call on her in the game. In the end, she had lost – both metaphorically and literally.

"We should have Hawke over here more often." Varric smiled as he pulled in his profits at the game's end. "She has more money than the Guard Captain herself."

"You're a thief, Varric." Aveline sighed while Donnic placed his hand on his wife's shoulder to comfort her.

"I resent that remark." Isabella muttered, though this was a regular occurrence that everyone no longer bothered to comment on. Only a smirk here and there.

Meanwhile, Hawke was still fixated in her own world, debating what to do by the end of the night. She wanted to tell Anders her heart was with someone else, but at the moment that 'someone else' was making the fires in her heart rise up to her head. She was rather nervous at first, but as the duration of the game lengthened, she was steadily gaining a rising fury within herself.

She couldn't believe that Fenris was going to play this game with her. He was going to toy her around and then ignore her the entire evening. Inside her head, she realized that while he may've been trying to 'protect' her, it was no longer a personal matter of his. She was tired of his changing attitude and childish nature. He wanted to be the valiant one, sacrificing everything, and to suffer alone with his brooding past.

And she didn't care anymore. Who was he to decide for her? Who was he to pull her around in circles? Did she really need such a uninviting person to take up such a large role in her life? After all, what was wrong with Anders that made her favor Fenris more?

Her thoughts pervaded her, and the next game she had lost terribly due to a lack of concentration. Her loss in wealth for the night didn't both her though.

"Keep it coming, Hawke." Varric laughed. "Keep the gold flowing."

She smiled at him and stood up. Anders looked up at her from his chair inquisitively, to which she replied with a smile. This time, it was not forced.

"I'm afraid I'll have to take an early leave." She said as she placed a hand on Ander's shoulders. She didn't even dare look in Fenris' direction to see his expression. "No doubt my mother's worried sick that I might've fallen into the depth of the horrible Lowtown sewers by now."

"And here I was, thinking you were backing out because you didn't want to give me more money!" Varric grinned. "Have a good night, Hawke. Be careful out there. You know it's not the safest around these part late at night."

"Now that you mention it, it _is _getting late." Donnic nodded and then added in a reminiscent manner. "It must be nice to still have a mother's worry, Sera Hawke." His parents had been lost at sea when he was a small boy.

"Don't say that," Isabella warned him. "Or dear Aveline will make sure you never come playing cards with us again!"

They laughed and Aveline frowned. "What's that mean?"

Hawke chuckled. "I will see you all later."

"Be careful on the streets, Hawke." Aveline warned and looked at her husband. "Perhaps we should accompany her just in case there's another attempt on her life?"

That would've been a good suggestion, for it not for the fact that Hawke wished the make this walk alone so that she could think out in the fresh air. The Hanged Man had a bad stench of alcohol and smoke, and the air was stifling.

"Now Aveline," Varric interrupted. "Remember what we said earlier this afternoon? Let's just leave Hawke alone for now."

Aveline said nothing and Hawke nodded appreciatively at Varric.

"Take it easy now." Varric motioned his farewell as Isabella gave her a wink. Fenris just sat at the end of the table, seemingly engrossed in his cards. He didn't even as much as wave back to her. But no one seemed to notice.

"Later." Anders repeated and looked into her eyes. She knew what he meant, and vice versa. She let her hand slip away from Anders' shoulder and turned on her heel.

She had decided, more or less.

When she made it back, the first thing she did was go to her bedroom and open the large doors to the balcony for a cool breeze to take away some of her nerves. She was nervous, undoubtedly. But it wasn't the nervousness she felt when she was with Fenris – it was a different kind of nervousness – the kind you get when you're anticipating something awkward.

She changed her clothes from her battle gear. But instead changing into her usual set of house clothes, she donned a long, shimmering dress the color of pearls. The shoulders were pinched together and the layered fabric flew in midair with the breeze.

The stars were particularly bright that evening, and the moon beamed at her in approval. Yet all she could utter in reply was a hefty sigh. Fenris was so stubborn, and so childish. But besides being possessive and confusing, he was also caring.

But was Anders not caring of her either? There was nothing that Anders lacked which Fneris had. The only difference was Anders' gentle demeanor versus Fenris' more abrasive one. But what was it about the Tevinter fugitive that made her captivated?

His image drifted over her head. Every morning since that night, she would dream of waking up next to him, only to find him gone and herself thrust back into the reality where he had left. Yet only when she dreamt, only when she closed her eyes did he appear – in her dreams, in her thoughts, everywhere.

She shook her head to relieve herself of these images. They could not go on. She had to stop them if she was determined to do what she had to do. Forget Fenris.

_You're much better without him._

Sure, she had led Anders on and said quite a numeral amount of stupid things that obviously granted her unaccounted attention from him. But a part of her tried hard to persuade herself that subconsciously, maybe she really liked Anders. Maybe the idea of being with a possessive and rough guy such as Fenris sounded attractive to her, but when it boiled down to it, a caring and charismatic person like Anders was what she really needed.

_But Fenris can be caring and charismatic too. And Anders isn't always without troubles._

Again, her mind wandered off to argue amongst itself. She could barely keep her head from exploding when a light knock came on her door and startled her. When she turned around, Bodahn bowed humbly.

"Good Evening, Sera Hawke. My boy and I were just cleaning up to retire for the day when a friend of yours arrived. He said his name was Anders. Shall we send him away so you can rest for the night?" He asked.

She shook her head. She was going to do this. "No, send him up. I've been expecting him."

"As you wish, Sera. Have a good night."

"You as well, Bodahn."

The dwarf silently closed the door after him and after she heard his footsteps going down the stairs, she carefully looked around her room to see if there was anything out of place. Nope. Everything was clean.

She glanced at herself in her full-length mirror. She looked good. Of course, she wasn't planning on looking exceptional tonight, that would've been going overboard. But the least she could do was wear something a little prettier than her usual house clothes. It was a special night, after all. And if she was going to go through with it, she might as well give it her best.

She stoked the fire for a bit before leaning against her bedpost to admire the dancing flames. A few minutes later, she heard light footsteps behind her. She didn't even hear the door creak, but she knew who it was regardless.

"You came," She smiled. "I wasn't sure you would come."

"Justice does not approve of my obsession with you." Anders explained, admiring the way she looked that evening with a smile as he walked closer to her near the fireplace "He believes you are a distraction. It is one of the few things on which he and I disagree."

His speech was always so formal and suave. She could tell from the moment they met that he was an educated man, a quality she enjoyed most about him, and it made her wonder what type of person he was before he joined the Grey Wardens.

"If you hadn't come, I would be out looking for you." She confessed. It was, more or less, true. A part of her _knew _that he would come to her. If he hadn't, she would've suffered a huge blow to her esteem. Moreover, she probably would die of embarrassment. Thankfully, Anders was a man of his word.

"When I was in the Circle," Anders stared at the ground as he explained. "Love was only a game. It gave the Templars too much power if there was something you couldn't stand to lose." He turned away from her ever so slightly. "It would kill me to lose you."

She shook her head quickly and moved closer to him, grabbing his hands with hers. "This isn't going to fix that." She was not ready for him to give her the same speech Fenris had. Not ever. Not again. She was tired of playing this game with everyone. Anders sounded as if he were going to do the same, and she suddenly felt as if she had to get him closer to her. She didn't want him to leave – not in the same way, at least.

But his hands slipped out of her grasp, and she felt disappointed because of it. His calloused hands from working and holding his worn-out staff was still pleasant to hold. Instead, his palm brushed lightly against her cheek and pulled her closer.

"No mage I know has ever allowed himself to fall in love." He whispered, his lips drawing ever so nearer to hers. She could feel his breath on her. "This is the rule I will most cherish breaking." His voice was so quiet she could barely hear it.

She leaned in, unable to resist the closeness of his body, his warmth. Their lips touched and she felt his hand wrap around her waist. She too drew him closer by putting her arm around him. The kiss lasted for a few seconds before she broke it off, determined to still hold onto his hand.

She pulled him to her slowly, and he answered her beckoning, his eyes drawn to hers without hesitation. It wasn't rough and heated, but was still passionate and caring. It was …. romantic. In every sense of the word.

His kisses as he lay on top of her increased bit by bit. They trailed down her neck, her collarbone, and stopped at her cleavage, where Anders looked up and smiled, his hand running through her hair.

"Have I told you how lovely you look tonight?" He gazed upon her longingly.

"You have now." She smiled back and pull him in closer for a kiss. She didn't want him to stop. In fact, she was beginning to grow more fond of the mage as the seconds went by.

His kisses trailed down to her breasts, where his hands were eagerly groping. She slipped out of her dress and moved upwards to the pillows to lay down more comfortably as he took off his mantle and woven shirt. Maker, did his body look good.

He was a little bulkier than Fenris, but his muscular figure was nothing less of spectacular. She wanted to touch him, to hold him, and kiss his body everywhere. She was starting to wonder whether Varric had slipped something in her drink to make her feel this way, but then she realized that the dwarf would never do such a thing to her, and that perhaps she was beginning to admire Anders as a man, more so than she had before.

He slowly slipped her bra and panties off, tossing them on the floor as he started kissing her belly. She giggled reflexively and placed her hands in his hair, looking down at him.

"Hey," She said softly. "It's not fair if I'm the only one naked."

He looked up and smiled at her, his eyes twinkling like stars. She sat up and unfastened the buckled to his pants, working through the intricate leather that hid his emerging hard-on. She allowed herself to undress him, brushing her breasts against his length on purpose while doing so. Anders shuddered at her touch, and watched as Hawke ran her hand down him. He then placed his hands on her shoulders, pushing her gently onto her back as he loomed over her, the both of them naked and ready.

He slowly let himself slip in between her thighs, only to find her wet and eager already. He kissed her neck once more and entered her wet mound. She gasped and moaned at first, and then proceeded to spread her legs more for him, inviting him to explore further as his hands fumbled around her breasts. His heart began thumping harder in his chest as he reached for her butt and massaged them. Hawke groaned and arched her back to allow him more space.

"Mm, Maker..." she groaned, closing her eyes to savor his slow thrusts.

Still thrusting, Anders dove down on her right shoulder and lowered his head. He bit the back of her neck, sucking it hard as she gasped and moaned beneath him. He kissed along her shoulder, licking her skin and then opening his mouth wider to bite again. Hawke moaned something incoherent and he kissed her tenderly, moving back to nuzzle against her neck.

She lifted her hips to him and started to respond to his thrusts with her own. He took it upon himself that she wanted him to go faster, to which he gladly obliged and started to grind up against her slightly faster. Her moans increased and she had to stifle the sounds with a pillow beside her, in case she woke up her mother or servants.

Beneath him, she raised her legs and hugged his body with them, drawing him closer to her. He then leaned forward to kiss her succulent lips, their tongues twirling and dancing. When they parted, he grabbed her by the ankles and resumed pounding against her, watching as her body wiggled before him.

"Maker..." He said as he lifted him head towards the heavens. "It's been so long since I've... You feel so good, Hawke." He groaned a few more sentence, but all were too incomplete for her to decipher. Regardless, he was having a good time, and so was she.

He pushed himself deeper and she contracted around him, squeezing him inside her, massaging his length. She held him tightly with her legs once more, and he could feel himself throbbing inside her.

"Hawke..." He groaned.

He could feel his climax surging up, ready to gush as a torrent in to Hawke's body. She was still squeezing him, even as she came, her body continuing to spasm around him as he pushed himself up and over the edge on to the summit, erupting, sending a wave of his semen deep into her.

They stayed like that for a while to rest, neither of them moving – just waiting to catch their breath. Her body was quivering, and he had never felt his adrenaline pumping so fervently.

He slowly pulled out from her, instigating a light moan on her part, and turned over to lay on his back beside her in the large bed. They were both still panting when he turned to look at her.

"Was it... alright?" He asked, a little afraid of the answer.

She turned to smile at him. "It was the better than 'alright'. She answered as she tucked her feet into the covers and leaned over to place her arm around him.

He gazed into her eyes for a second more before he spoke.

"I love you." He confessed. "I've been holding back from saying that."

She smiled at him happily and nodded. Her hand reached out to fix his blonde locks.

Anders took the opportunity to grab her hand and place it on his cheek, his gaze unmoving. "You should have a normal life, and not be tied down to a fugitive with no future."

Her heart sank down and realized that her nightmares had come true. Another one to leave her side after using her. Was this just the way things were? Was she doomed to just become attracted to only men who would leave her after she gave herself to them? Maybe she _was _and easy woman after all, like Fenris had said.

"But I don't ever want to leave you."

She looked up, surprised at what Anders had just said.

"Don't..." She looked at him with desperate eyes and hugged him tightly. "Don't ever leave."

"Do you mean that?" He smiled and she nodded. He had no idea _how much _she meant that. "Would you have me here? Living with you? Would you tell the world – the knight-commander – that you love an apostate and will stand beside him?" He asked this as if he expected her to say no.

Silly Anders.

"I want you right here." She confessed firmly. "Until the day we die."

His grip on her only tightened more. "For three years since we first met, I have lain awake every night aching for you." He confessed. "I'm still terrified you'll wake up."

She couldn't help herself. She just wanted to kiss him. To kiss his worries away.

She knew exactly how he felt because she had felt the same way herself. But this was different. Anders was just as much afraid of her abandonment as she was afraid of his. Together, they might just be able to fill in the holes of each others' hearts. As long as he was with her, he would be her guiding light, and she would be able to feel him everyday with her. Never had she felt so warm inside. She was suddenly hit by a pang of realization – the realization and understanding of the beauty of what they were beginning.

She held him tightly with her legs once more, and he could feel himself throbbing inside her.


	7. Morning After

**A/N: **Replaying Awakening makes me like the Anders model for DAII a lot more. I mean, I liked the earrings and ponytail Anders had in DA:A, but most of his character I felt was placed in DAII more. (You can't compare Anders' quirkiness in Awakening with Alistair - Alistair is just too awesome!) Even though I hated Anders' look when I first started playing DAII, I actually like him a lot more now. Of course, he could never beat Fenris, who is honestly the single ONLY reason I played DAII. Were it not for Fenris (Gideon Emery has a voice that will make anyone attractive!), I would have never gotten past the first Act, let alone play DAII. Sorry DAII fans, but that game was just disappointing due to the reusing of dungeons OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I mean, how the hell did Bioware get away with that? I would've rated DAII a 5/10 at the most. (Maybe 6/10 - bonus points for Fenris) Anyhow, that's the end of my rant. Thanks for reading, please review, and sorry for lack of smut in this chapter!

**Summary: **Fenris broke Hawke's heart so that he can protect her from Danarius, leaving her devastated. She threatens him by moving on to Anders, who loves her but she shares little feelings for him. Fenris is seemingly unmoved by her threat and could care less. Hawke then tries hard to persuade herself that Anders may not be so bad, and that if Fenris does not want anything to do with her, she has little other choice than to move on. (We are now towards the end of Act II, chronologically speaking.)**  
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**Chapter 7: Morning After**

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When the sun rose that morning, it was the first thing that she felt underneath those heavy blankets. Her skin was suffocating under the cotton and demanded release. She lazily rubbed her eyes and combed the excess hair over her ear while snaking her arms out of her soft cave.

Her arm hit a rather sturdy, lengthy object as she set it down. Confused, she opened her eyes again to glance at the foreign arm on top of her. She turned over immediately and watched the blond mage breathe peacefully beside her, realizing what had happened in the past hours.

She didn't know how she felt, which could be construed as rather senseless, seeing how the 'deed' was already done. If she backed out on Anders now, she would seem no better than Fenris. It wasn't as if she didn't find herself having feelings for Anders – he was a sweet, caring man. Yet, her feelings were far from a straight arrow right now.

His eyelashes were so long. And his unshaved face showed how hard he had been working at the clinic – all for the people – all for the freedom of mages like himself.

She lifted her hand to brush away the hair from his face and to her surprise, his own arm rose from on top of her and grabbed her delicate hand. His eyes fluttered open and stared straight into hers, a smile emerging from his lips.

"Good morning," He greeted, his voice a little dry.

She smiled back, her heart resuming its normal pace. "Morning."

He groaned softly and placed her palm on his cheek, closing his eyes.

"Let's just call off all the events we have for today and stay here instead."

She giggled. "Isn't that a little irresponsible?"

"It is," He replied as he sat up a little, rubbing his eyes. The sheets dropped to his waist and she could see that he was not wearing a shirt. He reached out to grab her by the waist and pull her closer to him. He head rested on her shoulder.

"Something isn't right," Anders suddenly said.

She looked up from her position and stared at him, slightly alarmed.

"What? What's wrong?" She asked, looking around as if she expected someone peeping in on them, or enemies ready to lash out at them.

"It seems I can't bring myself to let you go." He smiled as she hit him playfully, and then brought her closer against his chest. "You should just stay in my arms like this forever."

"You mean that?"

"Of course I mean it," He said, appalled that she would even ask. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you were opposed to 'us'." She reminded him.

He sighed. "I still am."

She sat up and looked at him sternly. "Still?"

He shook his head. "I've been lecturing myself on how stupid I am. I let my desires get the best of me. And now you're going to suffer for it."

"I am not." She insisted. Her heart beat faster, as expected. Anders was not going to leave her, was he? Was he going to declare last night as a one-time thing as well? Just like Fenris had?

She found herself scared again. It was a feeling that she was tired of having, tired of being afraid of. What was wrong with her? Was she really an easy target, as Fenris claimed?

Anders saw the horrified thoughts and worries from her expression and sat up next to her, cupping her face with his hands so that she would look into his eyes and know that he was telling the truth.

"You're beautiful," He said softly, lifting a hand to comb the tuft of golden hair behind her ear. His gaze on her was bewitching, endearing, and caring. "There is nothing wrong with you. I _love you._ It's just..."

Her heart skipped a beat.

"You know... with Justice and all. I can't... This can't... I mean, I don't even know how to deal with this situation with Justice looming in the back of my head. You know?"

She trembled at the idea that Justice would come out at any second.

"But we can get rid of him." She reassured him, placing her hand on his back. "I can try to see how to get rid of him. We can get through this _together._"

"But Justice has been with me for so long now. We are basically one entity..."

"You are certainly not." She reminded him. "The Anders I know if kind and gentle, not filled with hatred and thirst for blood."

"What if you're mistaken?"

"I am not." She needed to be resolute and firm in order to win him over.

Anders remained silent for a while, and then turned to look at the red shades handing in front of the window. After a few seconds, he sighed and looked to his lap, then at her again. "Sometimes, I am unsure of just _who _I am. I think that slowly... Jutice and I are becoming one. Pretty soon, there will not be a Anders and a Justice. Only a amalgamation of both of us in this body."

"That will not happen."

"If it does, I do not mind." He confessed.

"Her eyes widened. "What? Why not?"

"I have come to terms with him, Hawke..." Anders said calmly. "Justice has been corrupted by _my _ideas and experiences... perhaps this is really what I am. Perhaps I just never had it in me to admit it. But sooner and later, it will happen. Justice and I... we're inseparable now."

"No you aren't!" She exclaimed. "We can fix this!"

"You can't, Hawke." He said sadly, shaking his head. "No one can save me... from myself."

"I _can_ save you. You just have to let me." She insisted. "That spirit inside you has haunted you for far too long – it is not who you really are. It will leave you feeling lonely inside, and ultimately destroy you. You know that, don't you?"

"He cannot destroy me." He reassured her. "He needs me to thrive."

She was silent. What more could she say? Words would not change Anders' views. He was insistent that Justice would bond with him permanently, and that the spirit would envelope him and his entire mind. The only way to solve this, of course, would be to get rid of Justice.

But how would she learn how to do that?

Her silence only served to make him nervous. He put an arm around her to snap her back into reality with him, and pull her to him.

"Don't worry," He hushed her. "I won't let my troubles bother you."

"But they _do _both me." She retorted. "I... I don't want you to leave me."'

He looked into her eyes for the umpteenth time that morning and smiled. "I would never go anywhere unless you tell me to." He kissed her on the forehead.

Hugging him tightly, she replied, "Good, because I can't bear the thought of you leaving. I don't like being... alone." She admitted this, quite truthfully. "Never again."

"Rest assured," He told her. "I would never be one of those men."

She smiled into his chest and squeezed him all the tighter.

"Though it does make one wonder," He started. _Uh-oh._ "What men _have _you been with? Should I know about them? Beat them up for you?"

She laughed. "No... he's..." She stopped and didn't know what to say. "It's just one man."

His curiosity got the better of him. "What? Do I know this mystery heart-breaker?"

She didn't reply. She didn't like where this was going.

"Hawke?" He tried to nudge her away from his chest to see her fact, but she remained glued to his chest, her breath heavy.

"I don't mean to upset you." He said. "I just wanted to talk to you about it. If it makes you feel any better, there aren't a lot of women I've been with before you either."

But it didn't make her feel better. She only kept thinking of the same time – of the same white hair and olive eyes. _His expression... _so serious all the time.

"I..." She spoke into his chest. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Anders asked. "For what?"

"I don't mean to be... illusive." She solemnly lifted her head up. "I just... don't want to be left alone again."

"Didn't I swear to you I wouldn't leave?"

She nodded. "It's just... hard. I don't mean to confuse you... I'm just still a little hurt."

"Well, that's what I'm here for." He said warmly, holding her hand in his.

"I suppose I owe you an explanation." She said sheepishly.

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

"But I do," She insisted. "I didn't mean to bring down the mood."

And with that, she explained, in short, what had transpired a month ago with Fenris. She felt embarrassed to tell Anders. She didn't want him thinking that she was sleeping around, but he had been nothing but honest with her, and she owed him this much for her emotional response to his innocent prying. Of course, she excluded the part where she met Fenris and used Anders to threaten the elf into submission. That last part was unneeded.

"I was just confused." She explained. "But perhaps it was for the best that I move on. He was giving me terrible headaches..."

_Or just aches in general_.

"Well, I am glad you told me, nonetheless." He replied.

"You're not concerned I told you about my history with Fenris _after _ourlittle affair happened?"

"Truthfully?" His eyebrows raised. "I already knew about your history."

She was taken aback. A sudden anger and embarrassment grew inside her. "What? How? Has Fenris told everyone?"

Anders shook his head and placed an arm around her.

"When Varric went over to his mansion to talk, he stumbled upon Fenris sleep-talking." He explained. "Fenris said something about you, and Varric gathered the rest from context, I suppose."

She didn't know what to say, and Anders paused for a second before placing is head on her shoulder, proceeding in nuzzling her neck.

"But it doesn't bother me, love." He replied. "You are mine now. The elf can dream all he wants of you, but I have something better than a mere dream."

She blushed and arched her head back, inviting him explore more of her neck if he desired. "You... are not angry with me?"

"We all have our history." Anders said, his voice muffled in her hair. "If we all worried about our past loves, how do you think Isabella would turn out?"

Hawke pretended to think about it for a second. "Very disappointed and depressed, I assume."

Anders laughed and kissed down her neck, making his way down to her bosom. She let out a soft moan as his hands gently massaged her breasts.

"Trust me, there's nothing wrong with you. If anything, it's me you should be worry about. I'm the apostate, remember? Which makes me wonder: why me? What if you decided that you hated all apostate mages later on?"

She exhaled. "Don't be ridiculous. I don't hate mages, Anders. My views just differ from your own sometimes. But that should not stop us from being friends with one another."

He looked up. "Just friends?"

"Maybe more." She smiled, pulling him close to her once more.

"Well, I suppose I owe you a word of thanks."

"For what?"

"For loving me – for accepting me, despite the whole apostate thing. Oh, and the whole Justice ordeal as well." His humor had always mirrored her own; she found it hard to resist a grin. "You know, there might've been a time long ago when I could find it within myself to willingly let you slip away from me, to tell you 'No, we cannot be'. But now... I wouldn't even try, or think about it." His eyes beamed with happiness.

Usually, her heart would skip a beat as she was forced to recollect the night she shared with Fenris again. Waking up and finding him absent from her side – it was painful and never ceased to create aching to her heart. But Anders had stayed. He didn't abandon her. She had slept with him, and he was in bed with her this very moment, showering her with affection still.

For that, she was grateful.

* * *

After getting dressed and explaining to her mother who this strange gentleman was, who had spent the night with her daughter in her home no less, and having a somewhat awkward breakfast, filled with her mother's endless questions and harassing on poor Anders, Hawke dragged Anders out of her mansion, the both of them geared up for work.

"I think she likes me." He concluded as they stepped out into Hightown, bustling with characters. "It feels nice to be accepted."

"You'll wish you hadn't said that, trust me." She warned as they walked.

Hawke stopped at the steps going up to Fenris' Mansion. She was going to get Aveline, of course. But her tracks stopped as she re-evaluated herself. Fenris was not needed. She was fine without him. And after last night, she was convincing even herself that she deserved a second chance at love – and that her relationship with Anders was blossoming beautifully. She pushed the elf into the back of her mind and continued her trek.

She didn't want Varric to be asking Anders strange questions while they walked, so she figured she would just join them for cards later that night. Instead, she grabbed Isabella and Aveline instead. Walking down the steps from the Viscount's Keep, she noted how strange it was to see Anders traveling with only women. She smiled to herself and ran to catch up with them.

"What are you talking about?" She asked them.

"Anders is being his usual self," Aveline replied irritably.

"What?"

Anders turned to her, a piece of paper in his hand. No doubt Aveline had brought him news.

"Ser Alrik's plan is going into effect We must stop him!"

"'What?" She grabbed the sheet from his hands, the letter determining the templar's authority over the issue of a young maiden, Ella, who had disappeared into the Gallows Dungeons. "What does this have to do with -"

"The Tranquil Solution." Anders reminded. "It will be the death of us all! He means to abuse his power and make all mages Tranquil!"

"But why?"

"Because Templars seek control over -"

Anders' speech only served to entice arguments between himself and the Knight herself. They were constantly bickering about the like, while Isabella turned her head, rolled her eyes, and showed more interest in her nails and shoes than anything else. Meanwhile, Hawke tried her best to break things up.

"We'll go to the Gallows Dungeons." She reassured Anders.

"I know of a secret way," He suggested. "They'll never know we're coming. Follow me."

* * *

It didn't take very long for them to make it through the caves unannounced and unwelcome. But they nevertheless trekked through the grassy cave that smelled of mold, the air moist and clammy. Even her grip on her daggers were slippery.

As they neared another opening, each tiptoeing quietly against the stone walls, voices could be heard.

"No, please! I haven't done anything wrong!" A young and frightened female pleaded.

"That's a lie." A male voice, undoubtedly Alrik's, bluntly stated. His voice slow and threatening as he paused for a second and added delightfully, "What do we do to mages who lie?"

This sounded bad. Before Hawke could issue any orders, however, Anders had walked past her and was already at the doorway.

"I just wanted to see my mum. No one ever told her where they were taking me." The girl, presumably Ella, pleaded once more.

Anders murmured something under his breath, which Hawke assumed he was talking to himself. Yet there was something off. She reached out to grab his wrist and he turned to her, his face pale. He didn't explain himself when she whispered her question to him though.

Ella was looking nervously at the floor, her face pale as snow and her fingers fidgeting.

"So, you admit your attempted escape? You know what happens to mage girls who don't toe the line around here, don't you?" Alrik said nastily.

She dropped to her knees immediately. "Please, no! Don't make me Tranquil! I'll do anything!"

This had gone on for long enough. Hawke got out of her position behind Anders and walked past him, prepared for the ensuing conflict.

"That's right," Alrik said to the poor mage. "Once you're Tranquil, you'll do anything I ask."

"The Chantry frowns on Templars who take personal advantage of their charges." Hawke reminded him as she made her presence known. Alrik immediately turned to see them. If he was surprised by them, his steady face did not show it.

"Who's this?" Alrik asked to no one in particular.

Before anyone could answer, however, Hawke felt a familiar heat emit from her right, and when she turned to look at Anders, she realized what a bad idea it was to bring him.

"YOU FIEND WILL NEVER TOUCH A MAGE AGAIN!" Justice's voice boomed out of Anders like thunder, resonating in the small cave. His anger was apparent.

The fighting ensued, led by the charging spirit from the Fade himself. Hawke had little time to react, but managed nevertheless to get back up on her feet after being knocked down. Alrik still had a few Templars left with him to pose a fight of their own. But alas, their power did not pose much challenged for the seasoned ex-mercenary and her accomplices.

When the fight was over, she turned immediately upon Anders, whose eyes were still glowing as he looked over his surroundings like a bloodthirsty hound.

"THEY WILL DIE," He vowed aloud. "I WILL HAVE EVRY LAST TEMPLAR FOR THESE ABUSES!"

"The Templars are gone." Hawke reassured him. "You can stop glowing."

"EVERY ONE OF THEM WILL FEEL JUSTICE'S BURN!" He proclaimed, thrashing his hand back at them as if they were his enemy.

"Get away from me, demon!" Ella cowered in fear against the mossy rock, her hands flew up, as if she was hoping they would make her invisible or protect her.

Justice snapped around at her, and she flinched. He stomped madly over to the cowering young mage and boomed above her head, "I AM NO DEMON! ARE YOU ONE OF THEM, THAT YOU WOULD CALL ME SUCH?"

Hawke could tell that he was scaring the poor girl. Ella's trembling was disregarded by Justice, who looked angry enough to kill the mistreated mage. She needed to stop this.

"Anders." She said firmly. "That girl is a mage. We rescued her from being made Tranquil."

"SHE IS THEIRS! I CAN FEEL THEIR HOLD ON HER!" He yelled.

"She is the reason you're fighting, Anders." She reminded him. Isabella and Aveline only looked on in hesitation, unsure of what to do or say. "Don't turn on her now." Hawke warned him.

"Please, messere..." Ella was on her knees again, tears filled her eyes and she looked to the ground and squeezed her eyes shut.

Justice, controlling Anders' body, turned away from Hawke, his whole body beginning to glow like Fenris, except his hand rose up, lightning snapping around his palm. Hawke immediately ran to Ella, standing right next to Anders, opposite of him and in front of Ella, shielding the girl from harm.

"Anders!" She cried. He needed to get a hold of himself, now!

His arm still raised, it looked at if Hawke was about to get a serious injury from his shocking spell. Aveline and Isabella tried desperately to hold the mage back, but at that split moment, Anders' blue light flickered on and off, and then was off completely. He was bent over, his hand on his head, trembling.

Hawke put down her arms and turned to Ella, making sure the girl was okay. But Ella ran away immediately after seeing Anders' vulnerability. She figured it was the best time to make a run for it. Hawke motioned Aveline not to follow the young mage, and instead turned her attention to Anders, whose eyes looked tired and gloomy.

"Maker, no... I almost... If you weren't here..." His voice was trembling as he looked at her. "I... I need to go. I need to get out of here." And with that, he ran past her without a second glance.

She was unaware of what you do – should she go after him? Was it alright for him to be alone? What was she to do?

"Hawke," Aveline's voice snapped her back into focus as she glanced at the paper the knight presented to her. In it, Alrik's plan for the Tranquil Solution was rejected by the Knight-Commander, for which Hawke found herself being extremely relieved of. If she brought this news to Anders, perhaps he would feel better. She pocketed the note and the three girls left the murky cave, with the Templar bodies around them.

When they had finally made their way back into Darktown, the girls agreed that their best plan of action was to visit Anders first, to make sure he was okay.

"That letter ought to cheer him up." Isabella said. Hawke was glad they were on the same page. It made her feel a lot better.

* * *

Upon stepping foot into the clinic, she saw Anders hunched over his table, sorting through papers and mumbling to himself.

"Trash. Trash. Keep. Traash. Trash." He was saying. "Won't be needing that anymore..."

She recognized some of those paper as one that Anders likely had salvaged from their fight minutes ago. "This all Alrik had." Hawke informed him. "It looks like the Tranquil Solution began _and ended _with him." She emphasized, hoping that she sounded less worried and more happy.

"Let me see that!" Anders stood up and snatched the papers from her, skimming through it with his quick eyes before exclaiming, "The Divine... rejected the idea. Meredith... rejected the idea. This was... not what I expected." He confessed. She was unsure whether he was disappointed, relieved, or both. "Perhaps I should try talking to the Grand Cleric. Maybe she's more reasonable than I thought." He admitted. "Thank you, I will think on what you've said."

She was relieved to hear him say that, though it still left questions unanswered. He was walking away from her when she caught up to him to speak.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"I am fine." He responded curtly, to which she was surprised. There was obviously something wrong. He was still not himself.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" She asked once more. "You know... about... what happened in there?"

He shook his head. "I will speak to you... on another occasion." He whispered to her, eyeing Isabella and Aveline, who were a few feet away. Hawke took this to mean that the conversation would be personal, and so she nodded and smiled.

"I will see you later tonight." He promised. "I just need a few minutes to myself, thank you."

She nodded once more and was out the clinic door with her two other companions. If Anders needed time alone, she was gong to give it to him. However, she _did _expect answers too.

* * *

As promised, Hawke came to the Hanged Man as usual to meet her companions. Varric was already there, and so was Merill. They two of them were enjoying themselves and Hawke walked over to join them when Varric waved to her.

"Hawke and Fenris! Where have you guys been?"

She paused as a cold arm, covered in metal, brushed past her. Fenris greeted the dwarf and fellow Dalish elf like usual, and when Hawke sat down, he looked at her for a split moment before uttering her name as well, an action which would've normally made her belly flop.

"Hawke."

"Fenris." She replied in a rather lady-like manner as she sat down.

"So I am to understand here that you and Blondie are together?" Varric asked. Not too smoothly, one may add. It was a blunt question, to which Hawke reacted by coughing and choking on her water.

"Varric!" She exclaimed. "What a question to ask a lady!"

"Hey, I'm a perfect gentleman." He grinned. "Just wanted to know is all."

She didn't even dare look at Fenris when she answered. Her heart was beating faster at just the thought of it, and she face was warming up, fast. She wanted to know his reaction, but at the same time was afraid to look.

"Where did you hear that from?" She asked, frowning.

"Rivaini, of course. Who else?" Varric confessed, pointing at the pirate near the bar.

She was drinking with a few men, one of which seemed rather grabby. When Isabella noticed them watching, she gave them a wink and mouthed "Don't start the game without me!"

"And just how would Isabella have known?" Hawke asked inquisitively.

Varric shrugged. "You know... we find these kinds of things out..."

"How?" She demanded.

"So it IS true!" Varric decided. "Isn't it?"

"I don't blame her," Merill chimed in. "Anders seems like a nice guy. A little angry and too serious. But a nice guy. What do you think, Fenris?"

Hawke wanted to say something to interrupt whatever he was about to say. She didn't want to hear what his reaction was. She was too embarrassed. Yet she found no words to speak of. Curiosity got the better of her, and she turned in the brooding elf's direction to hear him speak.

He was staring straight at her. But his expression was not angry, depressed, or anything. It was rather amused. His hand clasped around his glass, and he looked at her with his mesmerizing eyes. When he spoke, that suave and powerful voice filled her ears pleasantly.

"I think Hawke should do whatever she feels like," He answered. "It doesn't matter to any of us who she is with, least of all me." His eyes glimmered in the bar, and she could tell immediately that under his nonchalant facade, he was a little angry. It served him right, she told herself. She had told him exactly what her intentions were, and if he had doubted her before, now he'll know that she was serious at least.

The bar chimes rang again and Anders walked in, smiling at them. Hawke took one last look at Fenris before diverting her attention to the mage. She felt herself actually enjoying her time with Anders. Better yet, she was enjoying the fact that Fenris was angry. She secretly complimented herself and her scheme, though that didn't erase the problems that would ensue.

The game started as soon as Isabella sat down. Aveline and the others would just have to wait when they got here for the next round.

"You do have an opinion on mages, don't you?" Anders asked the Rivaini as he set a card down. Isabella looked at it and then set one of her own cards down.

"Of course I do." She replied. "I just don't feel a constant need to bring it up all the time." Her card had won this round and everyone began piling up their gold before her.

"Mages don't worry me." Isabella explained. "And I don't believe the templars when they say I should be worried. I'm more likely to be shanked in a bar than eaten by an abomination. You can hear those coming a mile away."

Anders raised his brows, about to ask a question that Isabella answered seconds before he could even get the words out of his mouth.

"'Grr. Argh!' Oh, is that an abomination coming to eat us? We should get out of here!" She made faces as she spoke, and Hawke swore to herself that Isabella wouldn't be so bad off if she made a career out of acting.

Everyone on the table laughed at her impressions. Merill giggled while Fenris covered his smile with his free hand.

Anders paused a second. "Abominations don't go, "'Grr. Argh.'"

"They don't? I should rethink the whole thing, then." She laughed with the others.

"Maybe you should take this as a warning to talk about something else?" Hawke suggested, giggling with Merill.

"I still don't get how you're doing that!" Merill exclaimed to the pirate. "How come I _always_ lose at this game?"

"It's because I _cheat_, silly kitten." Isabella winked. "Speaking of which, how about we play a round of the 'Dirty Orlesian' before Captain Man-Hands comes?"

"I have no idea what that is," Anders proclaimed. "And do not want to find out."

"Neither do I," came a voice from behind. Aveline had arrived, without her husband.

"Where's Ser Donnic?" Hawke asked.

"He's on night duty." She explained as she sat down. "And don't say anything about it – I already feel bad for making him work so much while I sit here playing cards with you guys. But he offered. I can't help it."

"Hey," Varric offered her cards. "I wasn't going to say a word about it."

Aveline sighed of relief and waited to be dealt in.

"So does that mean 'no' to 'Dirty Orlesian'?" Isabella asked, disappointed. Aveline glared at her and Isabella sighed, crossing her legs in her chair. "You're no fun at all."

As Hawke and her companions laughed, the time went by relatively fast, as did it usually when the gang was having fun. The next day, she reminded them would be free for them all, since she planned to spend time with her mother. It was a relief to her allies, she was sure. Besides, she needed time alone with Anders as well.

She felt like she was warming up to the mage, which made her feel strange and confused, because her feeling for Fenris was still clear as day for her. She loved him. She loved Fenris so much that she could barely stand it. But the situation she found herself in was troublesome. More than that, she had brought it on to herself willingly.

She liked Anders. He wasn't a bad person at all. But it was not Anders whom she dreamed of and fantasized about. Yet she kept reassuring herself that with time, she would learn to do the same with Anders.

Glancing at him beside her, she smiled as he met her gaze and underneath the table, she squeezed his hand. She was not too willing to show her affection to him in front of everyone, especially Fenris. But she was still glad that the empty hole in her heart had been filled, more or less.

At least, or so she thought.


	8. Clockwise

**A/N:** So this chapter is kind of long, and there's no particular reason why. I just felt like writing a lot... :P

**Summary:** Hawke and Fenris have had a fling, but they still love each other. Since Fenris doesn't want to get back together because he's afraid Hawke will get hurt, Hawke finds solace in Anders' love instead. However, shortly after she spends the night with Anders, the mage nearly loses control and kills a innocent girl. Wanting to help her new lover, Hawke tries to talk to Anders on how to rid him of the spirit inhabiting his body, Justice. She plans to do so tonight, however...

* * *

**Chapter 8: Clockwise**

* * *

"I quit!" Merill spilled out her cards on the table before her. "I quit I quit I quit!"

"Now what's the fun in that?" Isabella asked the frustrated elf, wrapping on arm around her.

"But I can't win anything..." Merill sighed.

"Don't feel bad about it," Hawke reassure her from across the table. "I've been doing nothing but feeding these two." She motioned to Varric and Isabella, of course.

"Hey, when you're filled up to your neck with gold, what do you do?" Varric grinned.

"I say we call it a night," Anders replied, sighing. "I'm getting tired myself."

Hawke glanced at the blonde mage, who laid back on his chair and had his hands in his lap. He seemed exhausted. She didn't notice it at first, but his eyes were also twinkling – but in a bad way – he looked like he didn't catch enough sleep, or that he had been worrying a lot.

"I feel like retiring myself." Hawke turned to the crowd.

"Not permanently, I hope." Aveline inquired.

"Aveline! Was that a joke you just made?" Isabella pretended to be appalled. "And here I thought you were all work and no play..."

"Shut up, wench." Aveline retorted. "I'm capable of much more than that..."

"Oh, _I know..._" Isabella winked, to which the ginger-haired swordmaiden stuck up her nose in the air and scoffed, disgusted.

Hawke stood up, laughing, and stretched. From the corner of her eye, she saw Fenris' gaze shift towards her, and her insides felt like melting. What was he thinking?

"Hawke."

His voice set off sparklers in her heart. She turned her gaze to meet his piercing eyes.

"Yes, Fenris?"

"Stay a minute. I need a word with you." He ordered in a business-like tone.

She immediately opened her mouth to make herself unavailable. After all, she still had Anders' Justice episode lingering in the back of her mind. Lover or not, she needed to talk to Anders soon. It wasn't about being in a relationship with Anders. As their leader, she had to make sure a member of her team was fine. Her duty came first.

"Tonight's not a good night." She excused herself. "I just remembered – I have something urgent to do tomorrow morning."

Fenris' dark eyebrows rose skeptically. He was about to insist her stay when Anders moved alarmingly close to Hawke's face and whispered something in her ear while his hand grabbed hers for a second and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"_Don't worry about me. Stay here and have fun. I'll see you later tonight. Promise."_

She immediately turned her head to object, but his hand had already left hers. Anders waved to everyone else as he exited the pub. Hawke's lips curled into a frown – she wanted to talk to him when they left together. She had assumed that he was staying over tonight, but perhaps he had to gather some things before going to her home. Still, a part of her was happy that Anders knew what she was thinking- at least he knew she was worried about him.

When she turned to the rest of the crowd, Isabella was looking at her, extremely intrigued, and Varric was grinning in a devious manner. If Merrill or Aveline had any idea of what was going on, they showed no sign of it. Fenris, however, wore a frown that never left her direction, making her face grow hot all of a sudden. She hoped sincerely that she would not fumble her words due to embarassment... or, by the looks of her other friends, particularly Isabella, harassment.

"What?" She exclaimed to them.

"What's this now, Hawke?" Isabella's eyes twinkled mischievously and the Rivaini made her way towards Hawke, closing in on her. Their noses almost touched, and Hawke swore that Isabella was about to kiss her. She was certainly drunk enough to do so, though Hawke doubted Isabella needed alcohol to do so. "Since when have you and Anders been so... _close_?" The Rivaini asked as she nudged Hawke with an elbow.

"Since no time!" Hawke quickly replied, but her words just sounded all the more suspicious. "I mean, it's nothing! I was just going to talk to him about what happened today. That's all!"

"That's not what it looked like to me!" Isabella leaned in closer, her mouth touching Hawke's ear. "What was with that whispering? He looked like he was telling you something awfully important!"

Hawke stood still, unsure of what to do, and Isabella giggled in her ear softly, licked the cartilage, and then pulled back, giggling at Hawke's reddening face. The pirate never ceased to stop her flirtatious demeanor. Hawke said nothing, and Aveline cleared her throat in the background.

"Then what was with the hand-grabbing?" Varric winked. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you and him were, how to you say, 'fraternizing'?"

"Oh, that's not the right word, Varric." Isabella's smile was as wide as his. "I'd say they're-"

"Hawke."

Fenris' raised voice made them all turn their gaze to the brooding elf that was no longer sitting at the other end of the table. Seconds later, Hawke found herself being dragged by the wrist out of the Hanged Man and out in the cold winds of Lowtown.

"Ow!" She exclaimed. "What is with you?"

"You tell me, Hawke." Fenris snarled through his teeth.

She frowned, rubbing her wrist where he had grabbed it, and glared at him. She didn't like that he had just made a scene in front of the entire pub. Now everyone probably thought she and Fenris were crazy - or something.

"They were just joking around with me. How is that my fault?" She demanded.

"You instigated it. You brought it on yourself." His eyebrows burrowed deep down into a most serious frown. "And I think you actually enjoyed it – letting everyone know that abomination has slept with you. Do you enjoy the attention that much?" He asked nastily.

"I didn't bring any of that up! In fact, it was Anders who -"

"And you would let him tower over you, like he was -"

"I never said anything of the sort!"

"It was implied." Fenris snapped. "You didn't exactly deny your... relationship...with Anders... to the others promptly in there. Do you think me a fool?"

"Do you even need to ask?" She yelled back, angry.

Fenris immediately let out a audible snarl under his breath and approached her with such swiftness that she wasn't even aware she had been cornered until her back had hit the wall and Fenris breaths were landing rhythmically on top of her head.

Their eyes met. Once again, she found herself in the same situation with the elf.

"I cannot believe... that you would do this to me."'

"What?" She asked rhetorically. "Sleep with Anders?" Crudeness was not her style, but with Fenris, she knew no better way to get around his troubling demeanor.

His arms towered over her and his face looked down at her in such angst that she swore he was about to shift to Lyrium Ghost form to squash her heart into a puddle against the wall. He could probably do it with ease too.

"You knew I disapproved of it."

"What would you have me do?" She asked. "Wait for you for an eternity? You already told me you would never be with me. So what would you have me do, Fenris? Because I'd _really _like to know your answer to this one." Her sarcastic tone was caught up by the elf instantaneously – he was no fool.

"I told you – _not _Anders."

"And I'm supposed to follow your every command, am I?"

She wanted to. She really did. Her mind had been taken over by daydreams of Fenris looming over her in a soft bed, issuing orders to make her his. She dreamed of a say where she could serve his every need, just so he would be happy, and that she could remain by his side forever. So many times had she been sidetracked in time by her fantasies. But now she realized that they were just dreams, and that she had been disillusioned.

She turned from him, swatted his arms away, much so his surprise, and started walking up the steps to Hightown immediately. She didn't need to deal with this – there were other important matters to attend to. Anders said that he would meet her tonight. She promised herself that she would be there when he did.

"Hurrying back to your pet mage already?"

She turned around, her nostrils flaring at him.

"Yes!" She blatantly replied. "I am going back to him. Is there a problem?"

Fenris walked closer to her up the step, his face still obviously pissed.

"I can't believe you would -"

"I would what?" She cut him off. "Do _exactly_ what I told you I would do?"

His figure loomed over her as he stood on equal platform as her. The wind almost knocked her down the stairs, but her gaze remained glued to his, and her frown never bent back. If only he would apologize, accept the way she felt for him, and agree that they would be perfect together... His eyes danced in the moonlight for her. Her lips quivered partly from the cold, and partly from being so close to him. She had little choice but to think of Fenris at that moment.

"You are -" He paused and then closed his mouth. Whatever he was going to say, he had a hard time getting it out. Either that, or he didn't know whether he should say it or not.

"What?" She challenged, a part of her angry at him for making such a ruckus, and another part of her urging him to make up (and possible make out) with her.

He didn't say a word for a few seconds, and his face looked anywhere else but her eyes. And then suddenly – he turned around and started walking back into the pub.

"Do whatever you want, Hawke." He said as he disappeared into the noisy bar.

She stood there, alone, and confused even more. It was only after a few minutes of crickets, wind, and moonlight in her face, that she told herself that Anders was waiting. She turned and hurried back to her mansion, telling herself not to think about Fenris until later.

* * *

When she arrived back at the Mansion, Bodahn and his son were already sleeping, as was her mother. She tiptoed around the house, making as little noise as possible as she retreated into her own bedchambers. After she had gotten undressed, she put on her nightgown and took it upon herself to open the balcony doors, gazing outside for Anders to arrive so that when time permitted, she could unlock the house door for him.

Her arms rested on the balcony rail, overlooking Kirkwall and its docks. The stars weren't particularly visible, and the moon even less so behind the smoky clouds. But the sea breeze was still strong, and the smell of Kirkwall's finery pervaded the air. She closed her arms in around her body as she tried to warm herself up, thinking about the past night's transgressions. Last night she had done this exact same thing – looked out from her balcony, deep in thought. Yet, she was unaware back then that it would be a night to remember.

Anders was a honest man, and a good one. She did not always follow his ideas, and she hadn't really put her entire effort into reading his manifesto, but he was thoughtful and kind, despite today's predicaments. His troubles had become hers, and it undoubtedly needed to be taken care of soon. He was dangerous when he changed into Justice.

It wasn't even that he was officially her lover now. No, it was mainly because she was genuinely concerned for him. She tried not to involve herself in her teammates' personal affairs (especially Isabella's), but when it came to a dangerous situation like today, she knew she _had _to do something about it.

Her thoughts became less fixated on the mage, however, the more she stood outside.

What was Fenris trying to say today? What was with him?

She knew the answer to this. He was jealous. She wasn't dumb. Still, it angered her to have her problems laid out in front of everyone at the bar. She, truthfully, was embarrassed by the way Fenris had grabbed her and pushed her outside of the bar for their 'private talk'. He was utterly tactless, she told herself. Anders wouldn't have done anything like that.

Speaking of which, where was he?

Had he not told her that she would see him tonight? It was getting late.

She rubbed her arms with her hands and looked around the vacant Hightown square...

* * *

He watched her from the trees, and felt like a fool.

What he wouldn't give to touch her. Deep down inside, he hoped that she would find out, or feel that he was nearby. She was the closest to paradise that he had ever tasted, and he longed to march to her doorstep, kiss her and never leave again. He wanted to love her – to feel her, to taste her – to breathe her life.

But at that time of night, in that hour, he found himself afraid. Was she thinking about Anders? Had she done exactly as she said she would? She seemed to have, based on what she said to him and their allies hours ago outside of the pub. Had she really bedded the abomination? What if Varric was right, and Hawke really _was _starting to fall for Anders?

_It's none of my business. _He thought. _It's better like this anyways._

Yet his heart defied his very thoughts. No matter how many times he tried persuading himself, it never seemed to work in the long run. It only hurt more as he looked up towards the smoky clouds, thinking only of one thing.

_You've got his heart and my heart in your hands, but you can't have both forever. When the time comes for you to make a choice, will you choose the one that will make you happier? Running to Anders … because of me. Was this my fault? I'll admit I was a coward. I still am. But you've given me little choice. You've left me with nothing, it seems._

* * *

She awoke in bed with cold sheets underneath and found herself in the presence of a shadowy figure, who was breathing on her as if he was out of breath. She was immediately alarmed and tried to sit up in bed, grabbing for her daggers, but a bulky arm suppressed her effort.

"Shhh." Anders shushed her. "Sleep, love."

"Anders?" She called out to him. "How long have you been here?"

"Just a short while." He answered in the dark. "You fell asleep out on the balcony. Are you trying to catch a cold?"

"I wasn't," she answered. "I was waiting for you."

"I'm sorry," He stroked her hair. "I didn't mean to keep you waiting."

"I wanted to talk," She said softly. "About today... about Justice."

"Don't worry about it..."

"How can I not?" She said. "You're not yourself when you're him. We need to do something about it. You're going to -"

"I'll deal with it on my own time." Anders reassured her. "Just sleep, darling."

"I can't." She argued. "I want to help you get rid of him."

All that lingered in the air after that was silence. She waited for him to reply, but then realized what he was thinking and spoke up.

"You mean to let him control you?"

"Not 'control'," He corrected immediately. "We'll become one."

"But-"

"He's a part of me." Anders reasoned. "I have no choice but to accept this fact."

"What if I can't accept it?"

"Then we have a problem." He said shortly.

"Please," She was starting to feel a uncomfortable twist in her stomach. What was he thinking, letting Justice control him in the future? "Why don't you want to rid yourself of him?"

"I've wanted to, believe me." Anders insisted. "But after a while, you start thinking... about everything in the long run. Justice has only become this way because he's seen the images of injustice in my mind. That means that inside me somewhere, his thoughts must have sprouted from my own. A part of me thinks that his views are valid. And with our forces combined, Justice and I may finally be able to create a more free and ethical way for all the mages of Thedas!"

"At the expense of your own freedom?"

"If it means freedom for all other mages, then it will be worth it."

"You're wrong though." She started. "I can't let you go through with this!"

"You must."

"I don't have to." She said stubbornly. "You're being silly. What about what happened today? Does that not serve as enough reason for you to fight against him?"

"What happened today... was a accident." He said slowly. She felt him tremble. "It will never happen again, I promise you."

"You can't just -"

"Please," Anders pleaded. "I don't want you to worry about me so much. I love you, and nothing will change that. Not even Justice."

She saw plenty of opportunity to argue still, but her sleepiness was catching up to her, and Anders' loving lines were making her thoughts fuzzy. She had plenty of time to talk to him about it later anyhow. What was one more night anyways?

"I will see you tomorrow." He replied. She saw his shadow slowly stand up as his hands left her face. She immediately snapped awake from her laziness and sprung up in bed.

He was leaving? But why? She needed him. She missed him. What would leaving do? She found herself suddenly hit by a longing, and not in the lustful sense. All she wanted was his warm body next to hers. Not just for sex.

"Why?"

"I have patients to tend to, remember?"

"This late at night?"

"Sorry, love." He leaned up against her to give her a kiss. He gently pushed her back into bed, his lips never leaving hers. His heavy breaths brushed against her face and when they broke away, they were both slightly out of breath. He tucked her in and softly kissed her on the cheek.

And then departed.

* * *

The next day, however, Hawke spent a majority of the time with her mother dearest, who wanted to spend their special day together shopping, reminiscing, and going through old things that the Amell family had left behind. Twice Hawke had to comfort her mother, who wouldn't stop crying at the thought of Bethany, who had gone off to the Circle, and of Hawke's deceased family members, even the ones whom she had never had the chance to meet. The day ended, thankfully, with her mother going to bed early and Hawke giving her mother a new dress that she knew Leandra had gazed upon days ago at the market. Despite the sad walk down memory lane, she and her mother spent a lovely day together.

But that left her little time to visit Anders, who was also on her mind that day. She didn't dare explain to her mother, however, of her lover's problems. It would only worry her. Hawke made sure to only say the positive things in their new-found relationship, to which her mother approved of greatly. Yet, during the afternoon, her mother had brought up another person, whom Hawke was not even aware her mother knew about.

"Whatever happened to that young elf?" She asked Hawke. "The one with the white hair. Fenris, his name was. He looked like the first capable elf I've ever met. And none too bad-looking. I thought you two were together until Anders came along? Was it filled with drama?"

Hawke blushed at this thought, but discussed it no further with her mother, whom was smiling eagerly, waiting for her daughter to spill the beans. But Hawke had no intention of discussing those matters with her mother.

It was at this time that Hawke suddenly missed her younger sister terribly. If Bethany had been there, Hawke would've told her everything, as she usually did. And Carver... Carver would listen in on them and tell their mother, as if they were still children. Hawke smiled at these thoughts, and tried not to let her mother's contagious mournfulness affect her much.

She tried to get in touch with Anders, but it was as if he was always busy – or absent from the clinic. She told herself not to worry, and that his patients were merely piling up due to his strong capabilities, but it nevertheless still haunted her. It was as if he was trying to avoid talking to her. Sometimes in the middle of night, however, she would wake up and find Anders tucked in bed right next to her, his arms cradling her and keeping her warm. He would use the open balcony she left for him to climb into her bedchambers when the main doors were closed. It became a system for them eventually.

Still, whenever she tried to talk to him about Justice, he would either shun her away, or get irritated at her for sticking up for the Chantry or Templars, as if she had never done anything for the mages. It made her slightly peeved, but she told herself that it was Justice talking to her, not Anders. Furthermore, she was researching quite a bit on how to help Anders, much without his knowledge, of course.

As for Fenris, the following week when she met with him became strained. Sometimes Hawke would call upon him if she needed him to help her on a particular mission, and he would come without a second's notice more. However, they seldom spoke leisurely, and when they did it was always formal. There was something of a cold war brewing between them, and it didn't take a genius to notice it. In fact, Hawke was sure her teammates were circulating rumors about the two back and forth with each other, especially Isabella and Varric.

Before the week was out, it was obvious everyone knew about their 'love triangle', which bothered Hawke to no end. However, Anders didn't seem to mind it at all. When she brought it up, he only told her not to worry or think about it, and that he was no bothered by it at all. In fact, he was pleased that she had chosen to be with him over Fenris. Whether the former half was a lie or not remained untold however.

It was only a week later that Hawke was hurried back to her own mansion to find her own Uncle and servant yelling at each other, one more than the other. Her uncle looks worried and frustrated, and her servant puzzled.

"What's going on?" She asked them as she stepped into her own home.

"It's your mother..." Her uncle replied, his face gaunt and eerily pale. "She's been missing."

Hawke gawked at her uncle, to whom her grudge had long dissipated. Yet she was dumbstruck by his words for a moment and had to ask again.

"What?"

"Your mother." Gamlen repeated. "She's gone. Missing."

"What do you mean?" She tried not to sound too worried.

"She was supposed to meet me... but..." His voice trailed off. "She never showed up for our weekly visit. Where could she be?"

"With her suitor, perhaps?" Bodahn suggested, causing Hawke and her uncle to raise their brows simultaneously.

"What? What suitor?"

"Well, those lilies arrived for her this morning." Bodahn informed.

Hawke took one look at her servants, who were equally as puzzled as she was. The only thing that could have explained what had happened was that her mother had gotten lost and was wandering the Lowtown area aimlessly. Hopefully, they could still catch up...

But then something clicked in her mind – something that she hoped was a lie, and that it was just her mind being far-fetched, too imaginative for her own good. But when she saw the lilies Bodahn pointed to, her heart plummeted down to her stomach.

"Wait -" She said weakly. "White lilies? I... I know something about that."

"Well, don't just leave me waiting!" Gamlen said impatiently. "What is it?"

"There's... There's a killer in Kirkwall who sends his victims lilies before he takes them." She paused, shuddering at the thought. "He's murdered several women already..."

"No, you're wrong." Gamlen's voice quivered. "Leandra is fine..." But there was worry and nervousness in his voice already – she knew.

"Don't worry, uncle." She said. "I'll get Aveline to get her guards and search the city. I'll find her as soon as possible."

Gamlen agreed, and started to reassure himself aloud, thinking up all the different routes her mother could have taken to his house, and the such. But Hawke knew better. Denial was not something she could afford right now. Not when the lilies sat on the desk in front of her bright as day. She had to do something, quick.

She immediately ran out the house door, warning her uncle not to leave, and for Bodahn to let her know of any news. She then slammed the door shut behind her. The first thing she had to do was get to Aveline – she needed her help more than anything in the world.

As she ran towards the Viscount's place, she couldn't help but think of just a week ago, when she had spent all her day with her mother, and even bought her that gown she had wanted to dearly. There was no way her mother would accept any offer from a suitor. Those lilies were not flower a suitor would send either way, not with all of Kirkwall knowing about the killer on the loose. Her mother, however, had not been keeping up with recent events, and Hawke cursed herself to death for not alerting her mother to such events.

Tears were bursting out of gleaming eyes as she flung open the doors to Aveline's office. She fought hard to hold them back as she explained to the surprised Aveline her situation. The guard knight immediately sent out her best troops to run around the city, to which Hawke was grateful. She sat down in the Captain's office for a bit before deciding to head out. Aveline offered to come with her, but Hawke thought it best to let Aveline do her work while she took the others around the city to look for themselves.

Merrill, Fenris, and Varric all came to her aid immediately. Isabella stayed around Gamlen's house in case Leandra showed up, though Hawke's pessimistic attitude prevented her from all hope that her mother would go there. Still, it was worth a try. As for Anders, he was no where to be found, which agitated her to no end. She had not seen him the day prior either. Where was he?

A whole day went by and there was still no sign of her mother. Bodahn had not sent her any word of her mother returning to the house. Her uncle was still worried. And when she and her party hurried back to Gamlen's shack in Lowtown, neither Merrill nor Isabella had heard of anything. The situation was becoming more dire by the second, and Hawke's heart would not stop it's incessant pounding. She was on the verge of going mad, hoping that it would all be a horrendous nightmare and nothing more.

Varric tried to comfort her, but it was all to no avail. Her mother was the last family she had left in Kirkwall, and everything seemed to be going blank. Her mind was twisting into a tornado of one bad thought after another. The worst possible outcome being that it was really the killer in Kirkwall whom they had become acquainted with indirectly. And at the time being – there was a high probability this was the case, especially when Hawke remembered the lilies sitting in the desk at her house. This was a nightmare.

"Hawke," Fenris' footsteps were hardly audible to her. "You uncle – Gamlen. He says he's found a clue on your mother. We're to meet him in Lowtown." This had been the most Fenris had said to her in days, but at the moment, it was irrelevant.

"Lowtown? This late at night?" Varric inquired. "Sure it's not a trap?"

"It's the best thing we've got right now." Hawke nodded, standing up from the rock she had been sitting on for the past hour. Her face was pale as the moon, and her eyes were glistening with tears that she did not dare to allow fall from her. She had to remain strong.

But her mind occasionally thought back to Anders. Fenris, Varric and Merrill trailed after her, their weapons clinging after them. She had not been able to get a hold of her healer mage at all, which further agitated her. They needed him, and she needed someone there to comfort her right now, and tell her not to worry – where was he?

When they got to the Lowtown slums, the first thing they spotted was her uncle, talking to a dark-haired young boy. Her stomach tumbled as the first thing she thought was that this was all for nothing – what could a child possibly know about her mother's whereabouts? But as she neared the two, her ears did not deceive her.

"Wait, wait!" Gamlen cried. "You said... you saw Leandra?" His voice was still panicking, but it was hopeful, and any glimmer of hope was better than none.

"I told you already!" The innocent boy insisted. "I saw her!"

"Did you see where she went?" Gamlen asked frantically.

The boy stared at Gamlen, and then Hawke and her allies. This was not something he understood at his age, of course.

"What do I get for telling you?"

Hawke's fist immediately shook beside her. Here she was, highly anxious with a headache – and this little kid was trying to con her for some money. He did not understand the gravity of the situation, and part of her wanted to smack him across the face. Had she not looked like she was going through hell? This was her mother they were talking about – she needed that information.

A cool hand snaked around her wrist to keep it from shaking suddenly. When she looked to her side, Fenris had a look of tranquility, even though he had been running through Kirkwall for her in the last ten hours. Her gaze met his and she immediately felt her heart regain normal rhythm. This was not the time to lose control, she thought to herself as Fenris' hand left her.

"Here's a few silver," She handed the boy ten silver coins, much to her uncle's dismay. "Buy yourself some food – and new shoes." She told him as she inspected his ragged clothes. Her mother would've wanted her to do just that – and Hawke felt good for her charitable demeanor – all thanks to Fenris. She never felt so grateful.

The young boy gasped in disbelief at the coins in his hands. "That's real silver, that is!" He exclaimed, looking up at her. "I'm your man, through and through! I'll tell you everything I know! That lady was 'ere. She looked like she was going to take the bridge over to Hightown, but then a man came up to her. He stumbled and fell right onto her feet like he was dead! His hands were all bloody, like he had been in a fight! The lady shook him, and I think he said, 'Help!' - She got him to his feet, and he was wobbly – it was funny. Anyways, they left and... that's all I remember."

That was not the ending she had hoped to get, but this was far better than anything they had been doing all day. This was a lot more helpful.

"What did the man look like?" Hawke asked him, trying not to sound too worried.

"He was a man." The boy said simply, scratching his head as if he didn't know how to answer. He was just a kid, after all. "He had hair and... a nose. And nice clothes. But they were all stained – from the blood."

Gamlen let out a groan.

"It's not too late." Hawke tried reassuring him. "She could still be alive."

"Why would anyone take her?" He asked. "It doesn't make sense!"

She had the same question – her mother was not a prominent person in Kirkwall, short from being Hawke's mother. Many knew her as such, but that wasn't enough to deem her any threat. Her mother was the last person she'd known to get on anyone's hit list.

"The man left some blood where he fell over." They boy pointed at a spot in the ground. "You could follow it." He suggested, shrugging his shoulders. No doubt he just wanted to hurry home and count his money.

"Why don't you do what the boy says?" Gamlen suggested, as if Hawke was about to do otherwise. "I'm going to go home in case Leandra shows up." He started walking.

She didn't even feel like getting angry at her uncle for running away again. He always had the easy way out – the way with the least work possible. No wonder he had all the Amell wealth taken from him. Hawke was still not too fond of her uncle, but he was right. It was best she follow the trail. Besides, Gamlen tagging along would only get them killed.

The young boy walked away as well, leaving Hawke and her teammates in the night.

"Let's go." She told them, walking towards the clearly visible puddle the boy had pointed to.

"Be careful, Hawke." Varric advised. "This could be a trap."

"Best be on our guard." Fenris added.

She nodded and started to follow the long red dashes in the ground.

"This blood is fresh." She informed as they started running along the red path.

"They are lingering traces of … something." Merrill informed her. "I think this was used for blood magic."

The thought clenched at her gut even more than before. Part of her wished that Merrill would just keep her mouth shut. But another part of her was glad she could be informed of all the possibilities of what they were dealing with. They had to hurry.

"More blood..." She panted as they continued. "Where is he taking her?" She wondered aloud, the nervousness gripping at her.

They found themselves going up the stairs to the Foundry. Upon entering, Merrill stopped and looked around, her face frowning.

"This place feels strange...wrong." She muttered.

"Mother must be here somewhere." Hawke said aloud, reassuring herself. "We need to look around" She ordered. This was their best chance yet. The place seemed largely vacant.

"There," She pointed. "Blood. He's nearby here somewhere." She remained hopeful and she and her allies ran up the stairs, as if they were children playing follow-the-leader.

They zigzagged through the facility, going around the balcony of the first floor until the trail led them into a room filled with wooden crates and bozes. In the corner of the room was where the blood stopped, and there was a trapdoor.

"It looks like your killer might be hiding under the Foundry." Fenris said.

There was little choice but to go down. One by one, she and her friends pursue the trail. However, the moment she spotted more blood to follow, what better surprise for her and her friends than a few nasty abominations to get rid of. They were seemingly ambushed by the creatures, and it took a few minutes of dirt and dust in the air for them to clear the room.

And from the corner of her eye, Hawke caught a glimpse of bright white hair. She immediately sheathed her weapons to run towards her mother, lying on a table.

"Mother!" She grabbed at the body, and the moment she touched the cold corpse, she knew it had been there for a while. Furthermore, her pushing it had turned the body around, revealing the woman's identity.

"Arlessa!" She exclaimed. She looked around for any suspicious items, but there was none. The only thing they found made her shudder at the thought:

_Used quicklime to preserve her feet. Unsure whether texture of the skin is to my liking. Will try other methods._

Perhaps Merrill was right – blood magic was at work. But that didn't explain why her mother was kidnapped for the purpose. Her mother did not easily make enemies in Kirkwall. Varric and the others tried to help find other clues, but to no avail. They had no choice but the continue.

"Maker's breath!" She gasped as they turned out of the room with the corpse. "That smell!"

It was the smell of decay, maggots, and other feces. The stench was incredibly nauseating. She was sure her teammates thought the same, but their journey was more important than their nostrils at the moment.

They found other note near the entrance to another large room. This one gave her similar chills, and made Fenris frown.

_Mharen... it's a pretty name. I saw her hands. Long, slender fingers. Fair skin – the hands of a lifelong scholar. Oh, to lock my own clumsy fingers in hers again..._

It was beginning to sound creepy. And Hawke was determined to get to the root of this. She might not be too late, she told herself as they walked into what looked like a old living room.

But the evidence piling up was beginning to make her think otherwise. A glitter in the ground before her made her kneel down to examine the dirst around her feet. She patted away the dust to reveal something that made tears start to stream down her face.

"I know this locket." Her lips trembled. "It belongs to mother."

She felt Varric's hand at her back and got up slowly, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Now was not the time for this. She had to continue forward, regardless of the outcome. Fenris lent a hand to help her up, and she took it. For the first time in weeks, he had shown compassion to her.

The living room area was scattered with notes. But what was the most creepy part of the entire assembled collection of furniture, was the painting hanging on the wall.

"What... is this?" She asked aloud.

Oh, that's a pretty picture..." Merrill exclaimed, her enthusiasm never lacking, but completely out of setting otherwise.

"The woman in the painting... she almost looks like... mother." She said slowly, examining the picture for any clues.

"Looks to me like a shrine dedicated to some guy's wife..." Varric examined.

"We need to find her," Hawke said with more confidence and leadership than she actually held at the moment. She had to be strong for herself – and her teammates.

They walked off in the opposite direction away from the large picture and she examined some notes on the floor. All of them equally as scary as the last ones.

"This is quite the collection of books..." Merrill added as they walked about. "Blood Magic.. Necromancy...Where would he get all of these? Why would he have these?" She read aloud some of the titles, and Fenris just cringed every time he heard one. Merrill neglected all of the glares he made towards her, and they moved on. Hawke wondered for a moment is Merrill was trying deliberately to make her feel worse, but then decided that it was merely because Merrill was not aware of the gravity of her situation. After all, life with the Dalish was filled with problems, many probably more grave than her own.

As they went down a the narrow corridors, they were greeted by an open space at the end. A room with a man, quite clearly a mage, who held his staff tightly as he saw them approach. He spoke to the figure sitting before him, a unmoving body in a chair.

"I was wondering when you would show up." The mage culprit informed them, looking down at his silent victim. "Leandra was so sure you'd come for her."

"What have you done with her?" She yelled immediately.

The mage grinned maliciously as he stepped closer to them. "You will never understand my purpose." He told them. "Your mother was chosen because she was special. And now, she is part of something... greater."

"Spare me the demented rambling!" Hawke cried impatiently. She just wanted to know her mother was safe. Anything else was irrelevant. "Where is she?" She knew he was behind her, but she needed to see more – and to know more.

"She is here." The mage replied calmly, looking back at the figure sitting in the chair behind him. "She is waiting for you. I have done.. the impossible. I have touched the face of the Maker, and lived!" His voice made her cringe, and she shook her head at his dementia.

"Do you know what the strongest force of the universe is?" He asked as she gazed upon her mother, whose back was still turned to them. Hawke didn't answer. Her mind was filled with angry fumes. "Love." The mage answered. "I pieced her together from memory. I found her eyes, her skin, her delicate figure... At last, her face. Oh, this beautiful face. I've search far and wide to find you again, beloved!" He lifted up Leandra's chin and gazed at her with a look that made Hawke reach towards the daggers on her back. This was beyond creepy. She needed to get her mother out of there. Her mother was in serious danger.

"Don't worry mother, I'm coming!" She yelled loudly enough for her mother to hear. But her mother did not even reply. She was probably too scared to even speak – her body was certainly trembling enough to show it.

Leandra stood up and wobbled a little, as if she had been so shaken she barely knew how to walk. Hawke hoped that what this mage had done, it would not be too permanent.

"No force shall ever part us!" The mage exclaimed.

And that was when she saw it.

Not her mother. _It._

Wobbling over to her, with her mother's face. In a white gown that looked like a wedding dress – her eyes sunken in and the seam around her neck clearly visible. A whiff of decaying air misted over her as the walking corpse neared Hawke and her friends.

No. This was. Impossible.

How could this happen?

She could only stare in awe and pure despair at her mother's face, now sewn together with the body of other women in this sick man's project. She must've been dreaming.

"Hawke!" Fenris' arm nearly chocked her as it snaked around her neck and pulled her back from an oncoming axe. "Snap out of it!"

They were surrounded by skeletons, abominations, and the like. Her friends needed her help. She had no time to dilly-dally. She could deal with the rest later. It would only take a few minutes to get rid of this rabble.

Or so she thought.

The spiteful mage had put up a barrier to protect him from all oncoming attacks while he summoned all the powers he had contained over time and unleashed them for her and her party to play with. The possessed demons of all the women he had desecrated after he kidnapped and killed, and of all the people he had gotten to in order to obtain his victims. It was a horrible sight, and the tormented creatures cried out, lashing out at Hawke, begging her for their release from his prison. She had no choice but to grant their final wish, and every kill she made only fueled to make her want to snap his neck even more. Luckily, she had that chance soon enough, for when all his demons were gone, he had no choice but to fight his own battle. Even though she was worn out by his previous conjurations, she needed little to plunge her dagger deep inside his heart, and to wrench it out witch such ferocity, she swore his screams of agony could've been heard from the sleeping Lowtown above their heads.

_Thunk._

She threw a dagger at the last remaining skeleton. It's mouth opened wide as if dropped it's sword onto the ground, making a clashing noise, the dagger buried deep within its skull vibrating with force. She pulled it out and put it back into its sheathe before hurrying back to her mother, or what was left of her.

"Mother!" She exclaimed as the decaying corpse fell into her arms. It obviously did not know how to walk very well. Hawke held Leandra in her arms, frantic and unsure.

"There's nothing we can do." Merrill said gloomily. "His magic was keeping her alive."

And Hawke had killed him. Why did it feel like she had just killed her own mother? Was this all her fault? What could she have done to avoid it?

Her mother stirred slowly in her arms, her vacant eyes were dimming with each moment – her life was fading. It was inevitable.

"It is... not your fault." Leandra croaked weakly. "I knew... you would come for me."

Leandra's voice was only hopeful and bright, but Hawke's could only fight back the tears so much. She quivered and spoke with immense regret: "I tried to find you. I really did. I'm sorry... I shouldn't have... if I didn't kill him so rashly..." Her tears dropped onto the white dress her mother worse, stained with blood and now her tears.

"Don't fret darling." Her mother reassured her. "That man would've kept me trapped in here. Now, I'm free. I get to see Carver again – and your father. But you'll be here alone."

She tried looking at her mother to reassure her, but the tears were not helping.

"I should have watched over you more closely." Hawke regretted, her heart dark and heavy. "I should've..."

"My little girl has become so strong..." Leandra smiled, her gaze never turned from Hawke's pale, wet face. "I love you - you're always made me so proud."

"No, mother!" Hawke cried. "Don't say those things like you're about to – like you're..."

But her mother was gone already. Her head dropped back in her arms, and Hawke could see the seams around her neck coming loose from the weight. This was like a nightmare. It couldn't be real. This was not really happening. Was it?

Her mother lay limp in her hands – at least, her mother's head did. And all Hawke had done was fail her. If only she had arrived faster – if only she had tried harder to find her mother that morning. This would not have happened.

* * *

The fires danced around and seemed to laugh at her. It laughed at her rashness, and her stupidity. And it her situation – all of it.

And all she could do was stare. She couldn't even move from her chair. It was haunting, and it mesmerizing. She only wished that she could stay like a statue – vacant and emotionless. That way, she would not have to feel so bitter, so mournful, and so regretful.

Was it my fault?

Steps behind her made her aware that she was not along anymore.

"Did you find her?" Gamlen asked frantically.

"I'm sorry, uncle. She's gone."

"You were right about the flowers and everything. I..." He stopped, pondering on what to say. She could tell that he was shaken by this news, despite his usual demeanor. "I can't believe shes gone."

I was too late." She said with sorrow. She felt like crying again – but she no longer had any more tears to spare. There was nothing she could do that could change reality anymore. She knew that if she went to sleep, tomorrow things would not be the same. Her mother would not be there, waiting for her to come downstairs with Bodahn and Sandal at the breakfast table. Nothing would be the same again.

"So you're to blame!" Her uncle exclaimed. His voice thundered above her and only fed her own regretful thoughts. "If you had been quicker or stronger, you could've – she could be -" His voice broke into soft sniffs and sobs. She had never imagined to see her uncle break down like this. Even though he had been a lying snake to her, he still loved Leandra as his sister. "Why her? Why Leandra?" He demanded.

Hawke stared at the fire again – her uncle did not need to know the grotesque things that she had just seen. It would not do well for him, or her.

"Mother's dead," she repeated softly, her voice gone from her previous crying. "Will knowing how ease the pain?" She asked as she stood up to the fireplace.

"No, it won't. It will always seem senseless, won't it?" He said with his head drooped down. "Where's the one who did this to her? Did you find the person who killed Leandra?" He spat.

She turned to him. His face was twisted in rage for the person responsible for killed his sister, and sorrow for their loss. Hawke could only nod.

"He's dead."

"It won't bring Leandra back," Gamlen stared at her blankly. "But I'll take comfort in knowing that." He turned and walked out the estate, his feet dragging and his hands drying his eyes. " will deal with breaking the news to Bethany. You've enough on your mind. Take care, my girl."

It was comforting to hear her uncle be pleasant to her for once. But given the circumstances, there was very little in the world right now that would make her feel any better.

* * *

She sat on her bed by herself. The fire in the living room had gone out. Bodahn and Sandal were asleep. She was alone, both literally and metaphorically. The air was cool and uneasy around her, and her heart was a mess. A piece of her had left this world, and she could only wonder who was next. She would've preferred it have been her to fall victim to the necromancer's evil ploy over her own mother.

She needed comfort. But she found little of it in her bed, or her pillow, or under her covers. Not even in the night sky or the scenery of the ocean and docks of Kirkwall could alleviate her from her deep and haunting thoughts. Sometimes, she told herself, she thought too much. But in this circumstance, what else was she to do? She couldn't sleep.

Where had Anders been? She desperately needed him beside her to comfort her. He had not shown himself in days. She wanted to find him at that moment – but that would only be inconsiderate. She was not about to bother him so late at night with her own worries. Besides, he was probably busy and tired from his own troubles.

She would get over it soon, she told herself.

"Anders is not with you?" A voice made her jump.

She turned around to find Fenris there. His feet shifted uncomfortably as he stood in her bedroom doorway. The last time he had been here, he had left her after their night together. She did not blame him for being a little edgy.

She shook her head and looked away from him. She had no desire to argue or get mad at himm. Her voice was not even strong enough for her to shout at him to get out. She was not angry at him, but herself.

"I don't know what to say but...I am here." He said.

"Just say something. Anything." She said softly. Her voice was coarse and broken, and her mind begged him to release her from torment, even though it was a power he did not have.

He walked towards her slowly. She only looked at the floor. All she saw were his feet.

"They say death is only a journey. Does that help?"

"It just raises questions. A journey where?"

"I don't know." Fenris answered as he took a seat next to her. The bed shifted with his weight, and she turned her head to look into his daunting eyes. "It's just something people say. To be honest, I don't think there is much purpose in filling these moments with empty talk."

"Then what else should I do?" She asked him, her eyes searching his for an answer. But all she found was more questions left unanswered in him. He had little answers himself.

Yet why did she seek solace and comfort in him? Why did her heart feel so much more at ease when he was present? What was it about him that made her feel this way?

Fenris left after a few moment of silence. For the few minutes he was there though, her mind trailed off to different things instead of her mother's death. He had filled them with longing and peace. But the moment he left, she realized once more the reality of her current disposition.


	9. Ignorance is Bliss

**A/N:** So there hasn't been much smut for a while, and I apologize, but trust me when I say the future will feature some indefinitely~

**Summary:  
**Hawke rebounds to Anders after Fenris breaks her heart, but the mage has problems of his own and cannot always be there for her. After Hawke's mother passes away, she is immediately consoled by Fenris, but not Anders. However, the wrenching depression gripping her heart cannot easily be healed.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Ignorance is Bliss**

* * *

When Fenris had sat next to her hours ago, she had stared at the floor vacant and absent of livelihood. Yet, now that he was gone, she did nothing but stare at the impression on the bedsheets he had made before departing. Her fingers touched the fading imprint where he sat; the warmth had long dissipated, and there was nothing but the cold air around her.

It made her all the more lonely. The death of her dearest mother left her all alone in this huge mansion. She was at a loss, and she did not even know how to cure it. Was there even a cure? Only time healed this kind of wound - but this was not what she needed at the moment. She only wanted this pain to go away as fast as possible. If only for a little while.

Prior to his leaving, she had asked Fenris a question - she had wondered what she should do to cope with her loss. But he didn't answer. Perhaps he didn't even know the answer himself. How could he? He didn't remember a thing before becoming a slave. But she was sure loss was something he understood. She only wished he had stayed longer.

The look in his eyes was quite apparent. He wanted to hold her tightly, and bring her life again. He wanted to make her smile, touch her face, run his fingers through her hair - just like the night they had spent together a month ago. Yes, he still had feelings for her, and she for him. But there was problems they needed to work out, and these were problems that could not be so easily solved anymore.

They had, more or less, gone their separate ways.

But the way he looked at her tonight, she swore she only needed a little more of it. His gaze into her eyes was daunting, and she swore to herself that he was about to kiss her. His face had been so close to hers that she could feel every breath of his hit her cheek. His hand was lifted ever so slightly towards her, and she longed all the more for his touch. But it never came.

He had self-control, she'll give him that much. They both thought of the same thing, and she desperately wanted to be consoled. She appreciated his efforts, but she really wanted his arms around her, caressing her and holding her tightly. But it was only a dream of hers now. He was gone. He had left without a second word - not even a farewell.

So there she was, hours later, still sitting in the same spot, with her feet swishing back and forth like a little girl as she sat there in a daze. It was only a soft knock on her door that startled her back into reality.

"I know nothing I say will change it... I'm just - I'm sorry."

Anders walked closer to her to take a seat, just as Fenris had hours ago. His hand combed through her hair. She looked up at Anders and tried to smile. His face was sweaty and his hair slightly messy. No doubt he had come here quickly after hearing the news of what happened. Part of her was grateful, but another part of her was angry at him for not coming sooner. Where had he been?

"You were lucky to have her for as long as you did. When the pain fades, that's all that will matter." He said gently.

She turned away from him. "You still think mages should be free?" She asked, her voice bitter as she was reminded of what happened.

"He was a madman." He reminded her gently. "That's what made him do this. Not magic. I know you want there to be someone for you to be angry at. If it helps, go ahead and take it out on me."

He was sweet. That idea was ridiculous. What a silly thing to say. But it was nonetheless nice of him to be so understanding and to offer that kind of service to her. But she was not irrational. Why would she take it out on him?

But then again, she _was_ in a irrational mood right now. Just thinking of mages in general made her angry - but she knew not all of them were to blame. She only wished ... for forgiveness and consolation.

"Where were you today?" She asked quietly. "I tried finding you..."

"I'm sorry, love." Anders put his arm around her. "I was busy."

"Doing what?" Her voice rose, and she was a little more hostile than she wanted to be, but it didn't matter. Even without hearing his response, she already knew how he would respond – with ambiguity. And she hated it.

"I had matters to tend to."

"Like what?"

Anders seemed to have flinched as her tone rose. He replied, "I was going to tell you about it sooner or later, but perhaps now isn't the best time?"

"What are you talking about?"

He shook his head. "Tonight is a night about you, love. Not me." He said. "Just tell me everything you want - how you feel, what you want to do..."

"I want to bring my mother back to life."

"Don't..." Anders paused. "You know we can't do that."

"I know..." She said solemnly. "I know.

And all she knew to do was sit her head upon his shoulder, feel his arms embrace her, and weep to her heart's content. It hurt to know that she was all alone – with none of her family members left. Friends were one thing, but family members were, more or less, permanent. You lived with them your entire life. She could not bear to imagine her sister's face when she knew. Would Bethany grieve and get angry at her for failing to protect their mother?

No, Bethany was better than that. Bethany would never have blamed Hawke. Her little sister was always understanding and mature. Bethany was always strong. Sure, the news would make her mournful, but Bethany always found a way to get past it. If only she, Hawke, had a little more strength...

When she was done crying on Anders, the mage slowly set her down in bed, took off their shoes, and laid on the soft pillows with her, keeping her company until the night was over. It was something that she desperately needed, and was grateful to have him for.

* * *

But when she awoke the next day, it seemed only like a nightmare. It had been raining since morning, and it did not seem to be letting up any. From the looks of it from outside her bedroom window, she could not even escape this haunting mansion of hers. It reminded her of her mother-dearest, and she did not want that.

_Where was Anders?_

In the cold and lonely mansion of hers, she found herself only in the company of Bodahn and his son. No one else. She hoped when she peeked into her mother's room, that she would find Leandra still asleep, and that everything had been merely a dream. But it was not. She was not waking up from this.

"Mistress?" Bodahn ask at the breakfast table. "Is there anything we can do for you? Anything else you'd like to eat? Just tell us, and we would gladly oblige..."

She appreciated him trying to make her feel better, but all she could do was smile back weakly. He was trying to comfort her, and to take care of her as any parent would. She didn't even know what to say. _What was there left to say?_

She barely ate a thing at breakfast. And when she returned to her bedroom to lock herself in her misery upstairs, he saw a note scrawled hastily on her bedside table. She had missed it when she had awoke.

_I've some matters to tend to at the clinic. I will meet you at the bridge at the marketplace this afternoon. I have a surprise for you. -Anders_

This took her mind off of her mother if only for a second. She wondered for a moment what this surprise could possibly be, and found herself at a loss for guessing.

She smiled to herself and found it in her heart to forgive Anders once more. He was outside gathering a surprise gift for her in _this _weather. He deserved more than her fury. Besides, had he not showed up last night to console her? He had gone out of his way to do so, and it was a very sweet thing to do.

Now, she only had to wait for a few hours before her surprise was at hand. It was the only thing that made her light up for a little while.

* * *

But he never came.

It was the afternoon now, and the rain poured all the harder. She stood on the bridge with her umbrella, overlooking Hightown and the vacant marketplace. It felt like an eternity, as if she was waiting from dawn to nightfall.

Where was he? He should've been there by now.

The air was cold, piercing her mind as she thought about everything, about life. She had been standing there for at least an hour now, and she didn't want to go back to her estate. It didn't feel like home anymore, not with her mother gone. She felt, for the first time, all alone. Even after her time with Fenris, she still had her mother to talk to. But now, there seemed to be no one. Certainly not Anders.

She had been outside for a long time now. Wasn't any of her friends worried or trying to find her? Wasn't there anyone left to take me home and stay with her? Never had she felt so desolate. All she wanted was someone to take her hand, take her somewhere, anywhere. At this point, it no longer mattered if it was a stranger, even. She wanted to be somewhere with _someone. _Anyone.

And that was when she saw _him_.

Walking towards her without an umbrella. So selfless. So hurried.

His face was red with rush and worry. He was worried about her?

"Hawke! What in the Andraste's blood are you doing here?"

His voice could barely be heard over the sound of rain, but it was like holy chanting in her ears – she felt warm inside, and no longer alone. She could barely talk, all she did as he walked towards her was look into his eyes.

"You're going to be sick out here!" Fenris told her, pulling her arm forcefully.

But she didn't budge. She did not want to move.

"Everyone's out looking for you. Come on, let's go!"

She shook her head and looked at him, her eyes watering – good thing it was raining. She didn't want him to see her so vulnerable.

"This is no way to deal with things," Fenris said desperately, trying to get her to move out of the rain. "Listen to me – Everything will be alright! But you're being stupid right now. You have to seek shelter! Stop being so stubborn!"

His voice was soothing, even if his voice was raised and his way of consoling her were through insults. And when she looked into his eyes, she saw a warmth and caring person that made her hopeful suddenly. All at once, she wanted to pour herself to him.

"_Nothing _is going right. _Everything_ is a mess." She cried. "I've never felt so alone. Everything is so confusing right now; I feel like... like I'm losing my mind."

All she wanted to do was cry. And she did.

And he let go of her arm, stopped tugging for her to seek shelter. Instead, he stood there with her until she calmed down, with her head leaned up against his shoulder, and his hand stroking her wet hair. Then, he took her to his home.

* * *

He had assumed that taking Hawke back to her own home would just have made things worse. There, she was left with no one but Bodahn and Sandal, as well as the memories of her mother. It was the only logical choice to take her somewhere else.

But now that she was in his mansion, using his towel to dry her hair, he suddenly felt as if this had been a bad idea. Surely, the two of them alone would make things somewhat awkward. His mind raced and he argued with himself furiously.

Hawke came out of the wash room with Fenris' black towel in her hand. She reach out and handed it to him. She could look better, especially her sunken eyes. He could tell that she was still trying to take control of herself. She was no longer shivering, which was a good thing, but her hair was still damp and her clothes clung on to her curvacious figure.

How long had she stood there in the rain?

He took her towel and turned away from her to dry his own hair. It was damp from her dripping hair, but nevertheless still smelled like her. The soft material on his skin soothed his nerves, and he tossed the towel aside on a chair, and then proceeded in taking off his soaked shirt, tossing that aside as well.

"What are you doing?" Hawke demanded, slightly appalled.

He turned to stare at her. "Hawke," He paused. "You're going to get sick if you plan on wearing those sopping wet clothes forever."

He went to his dresser and pulled out some of his own clothes, and then tossed them at her. The surprised look she had as she caught them were priceless.

"Put those on." He ordered, taking the towel they had just used and placing it on top of the pile of clothes now sitting in her arms. "I don't want to be blamed for not taking care of you." He added. A image of Aveline immediately crawled into his mind. Aveline and her hulking shield over his head. Ouch.

Hawke didn't move for a few seconds, but then nodded, and returned back into the bathroom with the items, closing the door tightly behind her.

Fenris sighed and turned around to stroke the fire. His pants were still wet, but until she was done, he would just have to endure it. As he stared at the crackling flames, he felt a smile creep upon his face.

How long had it been since they had spent time together alone? Perhaps this was the Maker's way of telling him that he had made the wrong decision? Perhaps this was the Maker's way of telling him that he needed Hawke? Perhaps this was meant to be.

He shook his head, droplets of water went flying in all directions. Still, he told himself that e was being far-fetched and too sentimental for his own good. All he had done was take her to his mansion – and he had a perfectly good reason to. Hawke needed a little time away from her own home. It was only reasonable. Any other friend would have done the same... right?

His heart sunk deep down within him as he thought that perhaps Hawke was thinking that he would try to make a move on her. He suddenly felt strangely nervous. If she was expecting anything, would he be obliged to give it to her? Oh, how he wanted to console her as a man would to his woman... but that was preposterous. She was someone else's woman, and besides, had he not so stubbornly refused her numerous times already?

The door to his bathroom creaked open and when he turned back, Hawke stood at the doorway, rubbing her arms over the white fabric that he had given her. She looked strange wearing his clothes, but it still made him happy.

He stood up.

"Here," He motioned for her to come closer. "The fire will keep you warm."

She nodded and did as he told her. However, the moment she got closer to him, his eyes betrayed him. He could not stop himself from staring as her slender fingertips held themselves out towards the flames. Her long hair darkened with the rain, and her long legs stretched themselves out as well. From the white shirt that he had given her, it flowed down to her thighs, and clung onto her body still. He could see her hard nipples bleeding through them...

He turned away and stood up, grabbing the towel and clothes on the chair beside him. He then proceeded into the bathroom himself, not daring to look her in the face, and closing the door behind him loudly. His face felt red, and his ears were tingling. He cursed at himself in his head as he took off his trousers.

He noticed that she had set her clothes in a pile on the floor. Before doing the same, he gazed at her silk undergarments laying on his bathroom floor.

Was she not wearing underwear under that shirt?

He reached out to feel her clothes, but then stopped himself, and plopped his own clothes on top of hers. He let out a angry growl. What was he thinking?

He quickly pulled a green shirt over his body and donned a new pair of trousers before re-entering his own living room. Hawke was still there by the fire, her legs crossed now and something laying in her hands. She turned around to look at him, smiling lightly.

"Look what I found." She held up the book in her hands to him.

"What is it?" He asked as he took a seat next to her. The fire warmed him up instantly. "Where did you get that?"

"From that bookshelf there." She pointed. "I'm not surprised you'd have this."

"Well, it is not mine." He reminded her.

"I know, but it is nice you have so many interesting books at your disposal. You can learn quite a lot from them. This one is on Shartan, do you know of him?"

"I know a little..." Fenris shifted his feet beneath him uneasily. "It's just... it's just that slaves are not allowed to read. So... I never learned." He confessed, his face growing a little red. Hawke had been a well-educated person, after all.

It was cute of him, she thought. "Perhaps I'll teach you then." She offered. "You should find plenty to read after you learn."

"Well, I've always wanted to learn more about Shartan." He confessed. "Perhaps this is my chance." He smiled to himself, and it only made her heart ache more.

She leaned it close to him for a split second, her lips pursued out slightly as if she longed to kiss him. His eyes gazing into hers called for her to come closer. And it wasn't as if he was rejecting her advances...

But an image of Anders in the back of her head flashed in her mind, and she immediately changed her course of action to extending her arm over the elf to grab his towel so that she could dry her hair some more. Of course, there was little left for her to dry, but it was a better cover-up than anything else she could think of at the moment.

Fenris turned away, clearing his throat. His cheeks flushed slightly, as did hers.

"We should put our clothes out to dry too." She suggested.

And Fenris nodded, getting up to gather their garments.

She sighed to herself as she stroked the fire.

* * *

She never asked Anders what had happened that night where she waited for him out on the bridge. When he had finally come around, Hawke was still at Fenris' place. It took him ages to find her at the mansion, and when he finally did, the look on Anders' face was the hardest face to decipher for her – it was anger, mized with confusion and surprise. She could not ell if he was angry at her or not, but if he was indeed, she knew she had every right to be angry back. After all, he had not showed up on time – again.

"Why were you with him?" Anders asked as the door to Fenris' mansion closed.

The rain was over, but puddles were still everywhere. The night air was chilling, and Hawke had put on her normal clothes, which were no longer sopping wet since she and Ferris had put them over the fire. When she had left, Fenris only gave a low grunt to her and Anders, and then shut the door to his home behind them without a second word.

"I met him at the bridge." She explained.

Anders opened his mouth to say more, but a look in her eyes told him that anything else he said would only serve to put him further in her disfavored books. He was certainly not happy when he found her sitting in Fenris' mansion, dressed in nothing but his tunic. However, he had to trust her when she said that nothing had happened between them.

They set off to her mansion, Anders explaining that his work had distracted him so much that he lost track of time. She nodded as if she didn't care, and continued her trek with him. However, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close to him in an embrace.

"I'm sorry," He whispered. "It seems I'm always letting you down."

"You aren't." She made no attempt to leave his arms, however, for which he was glad. He was certain that she was still slightly peeved at him.

He pulled away from her, smiling lightly. "I still have something for you."

"Was is it?" She asked, her eyes lighting up.

He brought out a string of shells and pearls. The creamy and shiny colors mixed well together, and the blue stones glimmered under the moonlight.

"It's beautiful," She touched each stone. The color reminded her of the ocean coast, where she and her friends often trekked during their missions. "It's magnificent. But how - where did you get it?"

He smiled as she looked at the trinket with such pleasure. He was glad to still be able to give her the thing, even after he had made it late. He had originally planned to take her out to eat as well. His salary may not be that great compared to hers, but he was still eager to please her. After all, she was very important to him.

"I made it."

"You made it?" She seemed more surprised that he expected her to be.

"You don't believe me?" He asked, his voice slightly depressed. "I made it from the shells at the Wounded Coast. I collected them... from every shell you ever walked on."

"What?"

"It's true..."

"You just..." She stopped, trying to say the right words. "Well, I suppose... you are a crafty one, aren't you?" She recalled the times he had mentioned his kitten, and realized that if anyone could be entitled as a crafty worker, it would be. Anders. He probably knitted for his cat, for all she knew. But still, the trinket was beautiful, and she stared at it in awe, studying Anders' wire and bead work.

"Don't stare at it for too long." He advised. "You might find all my mistakes."

"You should start a business." She joked.

"I didn't know you would like it so much." He chuckled. "You don't strike me as the type of girl to like jewelry."

"That's where you're wrong, Anders." She corrected. "_All girls _like jewelry."

"Yet I don't seem to see you wearing it that much."

"I don't because it would get in my way." She pouted. "I like to collect them."

He laughed and placed his hand on her head, brushing through her long locks.

"So you're not angry at me?" He asked her tenderly. "I wanted to take you out someplace tonight, so that we could perhaps have dinner. But... I'm sorry." His voice trailed off, and he knew no other excuses could suffice.

But instead, she shook her head. "I've received proper compensation, I suppose." She pocketed his gift.

Her eyes glistened brightly, and he was glad for their reconciliation. He told himself that this kind of excursion would happen less in the future, and promised that he would send more time with her.

"You're a healer." She reminded him. "People need your help. You've got people depending on you. I'm... I should be the one apologizing, for being so unrelenting and not understanding of your occupation."

"I told you that this would not be easy... but I still can't help but-"

She raised herself higher on her toes, and lightly kissed him. It certainly stunned him, and she smiled when she pulled away.

"Shall we go home?"

His eyes softened generously, and he held out his hand. She placed it within his, and they walked, hand in hand, back to her estate for the night.

* * *

The next morning, Hawke awoke in her bedroom, the sunlight creeping in on her face that woke her seemed to be laughing at her rude awakening. She flung her covers off and got out lazily.

The blue stones from the necklace that sat on her dresser gleamed in the light, and she stared at it, her face unchanging. She picked it up and studied it closer.

Sure, she had been angry yesterday when Anders had not shown up, and she felt alone and abandoned, but it was not all in vain. She was glad to have him still, even though he often did not make himself present when she needed him. She reminded herself, however, that she was not there for him many times in the past as well.

She felt silly for being won over by such a small thing – but the necklace was truly very beautiful, and her heart melted when Anders told her he had made it out of his collected shells. It was... romantic.


	10. Dirty Laundry

**A/N:** Two updates in one day? Oh boy. The only reason I have for this is the fact that I've had this written already. See, when I think of a scene I'd like to write, I write it there and then. As a result, I have random collections of scenes in this story that I'll use further along as I write. Hope you enjoy this one! Unfortunately, still no smut :P But perhaps in the next few chaps! *wink*

**Summary:  
**Hawke rebound from Fenris to Anders, whose work does not allow him to always be there for her, especially when she needed him during her mother's death. However, he sends his heartfelt apologies to her, and she forgives him. Additionally, Hawke seems to be reconciling with Fenris as a result of Anders' neglect, restoring their friendship. However, Fenris and Anders still maintain a air of hostility towards each other.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Dirty Laundry**

If Fenris had anything to say to Hawke the next day at all, he made no signs of it. If it was his desire to nod off and speak sparsely for the entire duration of the day, he was doing a good job. It almost seemed as if he was deep in thought, and that something was troubling him.

Hawke tried raising conversation with the brooding elf during their break in between tasks in front of the Viscount's place, but he spoke little of whatever it was that had invaded his thoughts. She wanted to press on, but she was afraid further pressure would only serve to incite his irritation, so she left him be.

She was glad, however, that after the night where he had taken her to his home in the rain, Fenris was being a little less aggressive, and more friendly towards her. Maybe little by little, they were working back to their old terms of friendship? She hoped that was the cased. She hoped desperately.

It was nice to have him in her party once more. Before, she had been too scared to ask him. But after seeing him fetch her from the rain, she found herself more relaxed around him. It had been roughly 2 months since she had bedded Fenris, and the two of them had, more or less, reconciled now. She was grateful for that.

As for Anders, he had spent the majority of the night whispering sweet nothings in her ear, and cradling her as they both fell asleep in her bedroom. Although Leandra was gone now, Hawke had slowly recuperated mentally. Bethany had written a lovely letter to her from the Circle, greatly boosting Hawke's morale and strength. Her younger sister, she was ashamed to admit, had remained stronger than her when dealing with their mother's swift death. What was more, Bethany assured Hawke that she did, in fact, blame her older sister for Leandra's tragic death. This made Hawke extremely glad, so much that she cried as she read the rest of her sister's words that morning.

Nevertheless, Hawke returned to her regular tasks, and regrouped with her allies as they would on any routine. Even Aveline, usually so strict and business-like, had called Hawke over to comfort her the day before. It was slightly awkward, and Hawke made sure to pick at Aveline for it, but she was ultimately glad to have such wonderful allies.

Slowly, she knew, she would get through much of hardships to come.

* * *

_This is horrible._

She stared at her cards, her elbows propped up on the table. She let out an audibly sigh in despair, for she knew she would lose again. She told herself, however, that it was the fun experience that she enjoyed so much – that was why she so often agreed to play.

Anders sat next to her, as usual. She stole a glance at his cards, but found nothing useful. He was just as hopeless as she was, unfortunately. The good thing was that she was starting to pick up some of Varric and Isabella's techniques. She might've been ashamed to admit it were it not have been for the fact that she was a rogue scout, _and _that her friends actually played fairly – which they didn't. Especially not Isabella.

Their game might as well have been a game of cheating and lying to each other. Not many outsiders ever joined their games, because they would lose so badly that Varric would declare their games as private to avoid conflict.

Anders put his card down and continued telling Merrill about the latest revision of his manifesto, to which she listened intently, though Hawke was not too sure that if the elf was actually interested, or just feigning support so that she could sneak a peek at his cards.

Fenris rolled his eyes visibly at the other end of the table. He muttered something under his breath, to which Anders turned to reply:

"Are you ever going to stop harping on the mages here?"

"No." Fenris replied shortly, setting a card down on the table. The rest of them thought long and hard on their next moves. Meanwhile, Hawke bit her lip and tried concentrating on the game instead.

"Are _you _ever going to stop harping on about freedom?"

"Mages aren't what you saw in Tevinter." Anders insisted.

Hawke wished he would drop it. But knowing Anders, he most likely would not. She saw Fenris frown from the corner of her eyes, and her heart starting beating faster instantly. This didn't seem like it would do down very well. Usually, when the two started bickering, it ended up as a yelling match, to which Hawke and Varric would have to split up for the sake of the other customers at the Hanged Man.

"The moment they are free, mages will make themselves magisters." Fenris stated.

"They're slaves! You should want to help them!" Anders argued.

"I don't."

"Honestly," Isabella set her cards down. A flush. She had won the round. Everyone flung their cards on the table in defeat. "Can't you two talk about something else?" She rolled her eyes as she pulled in all her winnings.

"Actually, as a matter of fact. We can." Fenris glared at Anders ferociously. "Perhaps regarding why you were absent from Hawke's side when she needed you the most yesterday night? That seems like a fair topic."

Hawke's heart skipped a beat. Was Fenris angry at Anders for that reason? He _did _seem particularly peeved at Anders today, and it was not of a jealous sort. She hadn't told Fenris that everything was fine between her and Anders. Even if she had, she doubted Fenris would have let things slide. His concern for her was very touching, despite their background history.

"I was busy." Anders only glared right back at the elf. "What I do is of no importance to you. I don't have to explain myself to the likes of you."

"Not to me, but perhaps to Hawke." Fenris corrected as he gathered the cards Varric dealt to them one by one. He pose unflinching. Hawke shuddered at the wrath in his eyes, and wished both of them would just cut it out.

"I was busy at the clinic and lost track of time." Anders said once more. "Besides, we've already sorted it out. It's none of your business. I had problems - my own matters to tend to before I could leave."

"Being an abomination is not a problem that can be so easily cured." Fenris retorted.

"I am _not _an abomination." Anders said through his teeth, his frown apparent.

"Tell that to the girl that ran away from you last week." Fenris replied.

"Stop it." Anders said uncomfortably. "That's not-"

"I seem to recall you saying something a while ago..."

"Shut up!" Anders' voice rose, and his hands curled up into fists on the table.

"'I can control it.' Wasn't that what you said?" Fenris said, a dangerous smile coming on his face.

"So help me..." Anders clenched his cards so hard they started to bend.

"It's past us now." Hawke tried. "Let's just move on, shall we?"

"Well said, Hawke." Varric agreed. "After all, we're just here to play a nice game of cards, right?" He grinned.

"I cannot." Anders laid down his cards. "This is impossible. He is going to get on my last nerve, and I can barely concentrate."

"You were going to lose anyways..." Isabella chimed as she looked over the hand he was dealt. "Definitely lose."

Anders had stood up and was gathering his fur mantle from the chair.

"Leave with your tail between your legs, mage." Fenris glared.

"That's enough, Fenris." Aveline added.

"Come on, Fenris. I can't believe you w-"

_Crack._

And that was when a flash of sparkling lightning erupted from Anders' hands, and the next thing Hawke remembered seeing what Fenris' arm reach for his greatsword, his tattoos vibrating and practically lighting the entire tavern up the brightest anyone had ever seen it. All the customers were staring at the two men, and everything was quiet.

"Calm down." Hawke tried to get in between the two of them, but Varric's arm stopped her from interfering. "Varric, this isn't something for others to see!" She hissed.

"You'd be better off sitting at the sidelines for this one, Hawke." He advised her. "These two have been at each other's throats for as long as anyone can remember. Perhaps a good, old-fashioned fight will knock some sense into them."

"They'll get hurt!" She argued, but Varric shook his head.

"_You'll _get hurt." He corrected. "Trust me, just let them be."

Still, she turned to watch the two, their weapons drawn glaring at each other in a fiery wrath. She could practically see the fire erupting in their eyes.

"I can't imagine what Hawke saw in you." Anders spat as his staff hit the edge of Fenri's blade. The two glared at each other ferociously.

"It is done. Leave it be." Fenris frowned as he heaved his sword upwards, pushing Anders into the wall. The mage did well to block Fenris' next blow, which would have crushed him. Instead, another crackle of lightning emerged from Anders' palms and narrowly missed Fenris' cheek. A little scratch of blood trickled down the elf's face.

"Well, good."Anders yelled at him. "I always knew she had some sense."

Hawke didn't know if this was a compliment or not, so she took it as the former. She felt embarrassed beyond measures. There was nothing worse than to have your dirty laundry washed in public. Now everyone in town would be hearing of her drama, and that was not an idea she was quite too fond of.

Fenris charged at Anders again. The bartender over the counter did not know what to do. Had it not been for Varric's advice, he would have called the authorities minutes ago, but the dwarf had offered to pay the costs for repairs, and more.

As Fenris and Anders clashed once more, the elf muttered low enough for only Anders to hear: "Do not make light of this. Leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done."

"You were an idiot to do so."

"And _you_ were fast enough to replace me." Fenris said spitefully. He did not mean it to be interpreted as Hawke being an easy woman to bed of course, but had Hawke heard him say this, she would've interpreted it as such.

"I love her. You can't even imagine what that is."

This only served to anger Fenris more. The mage sprouting off his usual nonsense now had the gall to proclaim his love for Hawke when he could not even tend to her when she needed him most?

In his eyes, Anders was filled with idea and no action. Fenris could feel his hatred growing for the mage by the second. His hands tingled in anticipation – how dare he claim his affection for Hawke when he, Anders, was not nearly good enough for her. Why, he was a mere apostate mage, set on thinking his ideals were right. He was self-righteous, naïve, and dangerous to those around him due to his indignant spirit. Fenris growled. He wanted to crush Anders with his blade. He wanted the mage to cry and beg for mercy.

"Do not bare your heart to me, mage, unless you would have me rip it out." Fenris snarled at him, raising his weapon.

Meanwhile, Isabella shook her head as she pocketed her earnings for the night. "You two are ridiculous. Put your weapons down. Don't you realize you're acting like two dogs around a bitch in heat? It's embarrassing to say the least. Especially for Hawke."

This was a rare moment where Hawke was glad that Isabella could be so understanding. That is to say, she was glad Isabella had put in a word on the matter. Otherwise, who knew how long this would've gone on.

Fenris grunted and glared at the mage. They had stopped in their tracks, and after a few moment, both sheathed their weapons. Hawke did not know which to tend to, but it only took a few seconds for her to realize that Anders had left the tavern. Fenris, on the other hand, had ordered himself another drink and was sitting at the table once more. The elf wiped the blood off of his face with his palm, his face frowning.

"You certainly got yourself quite a pet there, Hawke." Fenris said as he took his drink. "He fights like a rabid dog. You would do well to keep him on a tighter leash."

His spitefulness did not help her one bit. She glared at him, and then dashed out of the tavern to catch up with Anders.

* * *

"Here, let me do it."

Hawke took the cotton swab from Ander's hands and did his work for him. She dabbed a little of the medicinal mixture , letting the cotton soak it up, and then turned to press it against Anders' arm.

"Gently, gently..." Anders told her.

"Is this better?" She loosened her pressure, and he relaxed more.

The cut wasn't deep, but it was bleeding nevertheless, and needed attention. Anders was right handed, so dealing with the wound with his left hand was slightly awkward. Besides, this was not the only wound he had sustained from his, in meager terms, bar fight.

Hawke was thankful the fight did not go on longer than it did, for she was sure that Fenris had endured the same amount of injury, only the elf was too stubborn to show it. The two men had beaten each other pretty well, with their respective weapons no less.

"You don' have to do this..." Anders was telling her.

"Please, let me." Hawke insisted. "It was partially my fault anyways."

"No." Anders touched her hand gingerly and she looked up into his eyes as he stopped her movements. "It was also mine. I didn't mean to leave you out there in the rain by yourself. Especially after your mother..."

She smiled and shook her head. "I am fine. Don't worry about it. It is in the past, and I've gotten over those events. What matters is the present, Anders."

"You're right." His face suddenly lit up, as if he had just remembered something.

He stood up, limping slightly because she had just dressed a would on his ankle. He proceeded to gather papers on his desk, to which Hawke's eyebrows furrowed. Was he thinking of doing work at this time of night?

She stood to meet him as he turned around, finally finding what he needed from his piles of papers. He handed it to her and she read through the scrawny handwriting with difficulty.

"What's this?" She asked, bewildered. "It's a gibberish list."

"It isn't." He pointed out. "It's a cure."

"A cure?" Her eyes opened in alarm. "A cure for... for Justice?"

He nodded.

"I was going to tell you the night Leandra died... but..." His voice trailed off.

She suddenly felt horrible for being so peeved at him that night. He had bee wokring to sort out his own problems, while she was fuming at him for not consoling her because her dear mother had passed away. Anders didn't even have a mother anymore. She had acted like a spoiled child, and she felt ashamed for it.

"If it's okay with you," Anders was saying, "We could go to gather the needed items for the mixture. And when it's done..."

"You'll be free." She chimed gleefully.

"Free from Justice, at least." He corrected.

But she didn't care. As long as Justice was dealt with, she could go on to deal with the mage situation later. For now, she was just overjoyed thinking that Anders could finally be himself without hindrance. It was idea that she knew he desired for a long time.

* * *

Even though she had been angry at Fenris for instigating such a brawl at the Hanged Man, she felt responsible still for the injuries he sustained. Anders needed time alone to gather his work and would meet her at the estate.

Now that Leandra was gone, Anders was free to come and go from her home as he pleased, without her mother's incessant worrying and questioning. Hawke's estate was practically their home now. Hawke often wondered it perhaps she should think of marriage sometime soon, her mother would certainly have liked the idea.

Hawke opened the door open to the Hanged Man, only to find it half as full as it was before. She realized only then that it was fairly late in the night. Fenris had gone home, no doubt. Even Varric had retired for the evening.

The only person she recognized there was Isabella, and she was busy talking to a rather unattractive man, whose dress indicated that he was of upper class. Aside from his clothes though, Hawke could see that Isabella remained largely uninterested in him. She might've thought of robbing him, but he seemed to be after something of much more value from her.

"Isabella, my dusky goddess!" He exclaimed as Isabella ignored him. She motioned for another drink to the bartender. "You've buried yourself in my heart like a worm in a red, red apple. You heart worm, you!" He declared smugly. This certainly made Hawke snicker a little as she watched Isabella roll her eyes.

"Oh look, my friend is here. Excuse me." Isabella walked towards her as Hawke neared to save her pirate friend from the unwanted attention.

"But I haven't gotten to the part where I invite you to feast on my tender white flesh!" He argued, disappointed and loathing of Hawke's intervention.

"That's alright, I think I'll manage." She told him as he walked away unhappily. She turned her gaze to Hawke instead, shaking her head regrettably. But then her frown turned into a smug grin instead. Isabella winked at her. "Speaking of romance..."

Uh-oh.

"You and Fenris, eh?" She grinned, nudging Hawke as she put one arm over her. "That taut, uncontrolled body... the brooding demeanor and intense gaze..." Isabella licked her lips. "I hear he still wears the shackles from his life in bondage... under his clothes. You know what they say about men like that, don't you?" She winked.

"I'm going to regret asking, aren't I?" Hawke replied.

"He can't find a saw." Isabella said and then burst out laughing. Hawke shook her head and placed a hand over her head as if she had a headache. When she looked at Isabella again, she had stopped laughing, but was still smirking.

"I had you there! You thought I was going to say something dirty!" She accused Hawke. It was true, of course. But with Isabella, it was never easy.

"Of course I was thinking you'd say something dirty!" Hawke defended as Isabella's laughter continued.

"So is it true, then?" Isabella asked her, wiping away her tears and catching her breath. "You and Fenris were in love with each other?"

Hawke bit her lip. Isabella certainly knew how to get to the point. Hawke was not very sure on what to say, or whether she should even divulge that sort of information.

"Oh, come on." Isabella egged. "The entire team already know about your drama between Anders and Fenris. What about the rest of us?"

"Huh?"

"You know..." Isabella nudged her again. "You're with that darling mage now, aren't you? Oh~ I bet he's so romantic in bed..." The pirate moaned audibly, making Hawke blush because of the people who turned to look at the two.

"He's okay..." Hawke shrugged, even more embarrassed.

"But I bet he can be aggressive when he wants to..." Isabella continued thinking aloud. "Especially with that angry spirit inside him – it's kind of like a threesome, isn't it?"

Hawke shook her head. "Justice say nothing about Anders and I... at least, not in my presence. All Anders has said is that Justice does not approve of us."

"And since when does the opinion of that ruddy stick-in-the-mud matter?" Isabella laughed. "If Anders likes you, then there's nothing the spirit can do! Besides, Anders seems quite infatuated with you, and poor, old Fenris is getting so agitated seeing you two together..." Isabella giggled.

"Enjoying the show, Isabella?" Hawke smiled, though she secretly wished no one had found out about her romance troubles. "I can only hope we'll be able to sort through this. I don't want them at each other's throats."

"As long as you're with Anders, that elf won't ever smile in your presence." Isabella reminded her. "He'll wear that scowl to bed, I tell you!"

"Well, Fenris will just have to get over it." Hawke said firmly, turning to the bartender to order her own drink. She no longer cared about Fenris. At least, not after what he called her.

Isabella followed suit. She turned to Hawke and watched her closely. "But you _do _like Anders, don't you?"

Hawke took the drink from the bartender's hands and turned to look at Isabella. The two women looked at each other for a moment. Hawke sighed. "Anders needs me. I have to help him."

"That doesn't answer the question."

"Well, if you're trying to get me to go back to Fenris, don't." She said. "I've had enough of his tugging me around. It was only yesterday when I feel like we're finially reconciling. I want to at least be friends."

Isabella looked at her skeptically.

"Fenris is too unpredictable." Hawke tried to assure the Rivaini. "At least with Anders, I know everything will be somewhat constant."

"Are you sure?"

"Isabella-"

"Because I wouldn't mind bedding that elf myself, Hawke." Isabella winked again.

Hawke found herself speechless. At first, she was only concerned because she thought Isabella wanted Hawke to get back together with Fenris. After all, the pirate and the elf got along quite well. However, this changed the circumstances considerably.

_Isabella and Fenris... together?_

The idea was not only strange, but it also played at her heart strings. The idea of the two of them together, it was just... It hurt. It was painful to think of Fenris with another woman. Hawke had no qualms with Isabella, but the pirate had been straight forward with her, and Hawke now found herself at a loss.

"Hello? Hawke?" Isabella waved her hand in front of her face.

"Oh, sorry." Hawke turned to smile, but couldn't.

"It was just an idea, love. You don't need to get so concerned." Isabella chuckled. "You reaction was priceless, anyway. Don't worry about Fenris, I'll keep my hands off until you sort your womanly feelings out."

"No," Hawke told her, frowning. Isabella was just as much a woman as her, Hawke had no right to claim Fenris. He was no object. "I told you already – I don't care. Besides... perhaps this way, it'll be better, for the both of us. Both Fenris and I, I mean."

"That doesn't sound right." Isabella told her. "You're forcing yourself to say that."

"Anders is the one I'm with right now." Hawke said firmly. "I can't betray his trust. Not now. I don't want him to feel that same way I felt when Fenris and I..." Her voice trailed off, but Isabella got the point.

"What if you're wrong? What if Fenris is the one you love?"

Hawke shook her head. "Leave it alone. I've already decided. I need to stay with Anders; he needs me more than anyone. I can't bear to leave his side, not when he needs my help dealling with Justice. Besides, Fenris and I are just friends now." She said, her voice slightly crackling. " I would rather not get hurt by Fenris again. But you, Isabella, if you're interested in Fenris... don't let me stop you."

Isabella stared at Hawke for a long time, as if giving the rogue enough time to contemplate what she had just said, and to process it long enough to go back on her words. But Hawke only looked at the pirate and smiled.

"Seriously." Hawke got up out of her stool and gulped down the last of her drink. "I mean it. Go for it."

"You _do _realize that I'm not in love with your precious elf, right?" Isabella smirked.

"Oh no, how did I not notice?" Hawke dramatically acted flabbergasted, and Isabella laughed. "Oh dashing Isabella... you heart-worm, you." Hawke mimicked.

"Oh, stop it." Isabella shook her head.

Hawke giggled herself and the two rogues enjoyed another few rounds of beverages at a table, talking about silly girly things and past lives, as well as the people they now surrounded themselves with.

Although the pirate had expressed interest in her past lover, and Hawke had said that she would not mind, a part of her wanted to take back her words. But that part of her had lost to her other half: the half that wanted to move on with her life and forget about Fenris and his demeaning attitude. After all, she still had an important task she had to complete with Anders, and that came first.

_If Isabella wanted to bed Fenris and vice versa, who was she to stop them?_


	11. Proposition for Fenris

**A/N:** I almost decided to give up on writing, since I'm so busy with my schedule and everything... but I decided to spend a hour or two to type this up. Also - when I played DA:II, I favored the Rogue class the most. Unfortunately, that meant that the Arishok battle was super hard for me, especially on Hard difficulty. It took he a long time... he's the hardest boss in the game, I swear.

**Summary: **Hawke rebound from Fenris to Anders, but their relationship is far from perfect. During a bar brawl, all of her friends/companions find out about her love triangle between the two. And just as Hawke finds herself easing up on the idea of letting go of Fenris to be with Anders, Isabela comes up to her and expresses an interest to bed the elf. Hawke is taken aback, but gives her consent to Isabela, begrudgingly...

* * *

**Chapter 11: Proposition for Fenris  
**

Even if she was curious, she did not show it.

Hawke had trouble telling herself that she had made the right decision for the next few days. The back of her head always prompted her into wondering if Isabela had really made a move on Fenris after their conversation. She was afraid to find out herself, so she was left with only presumptions and daydreams that grew wilder each passing day.

If something _had _happened, neither the pirate nor elf showed it. The two were acting quite normally. At least, that was what Hawke gathered from the little time she had seen of Fenris. She had avoided speaking with him or going to the Hanged Man after his brawl with Anders. Her anger had died down within the two days following the event, but her conversation with Isabela, however, did not stop haunting her thoughts.

She told herself that she was only concerned with Fenris' well-being and mental health, because Isabela was known to break the hearts of even the strongest men. However, the more she thought of it, the more Hawke laughed to herself, knowing that Fenris had done the same to her. Perhaps they would be a great couple after all, if they decided to amount to anything beyond sex friends.

"Sera Hawke! Sera Hawke!"

A familiar voice made her turn from the Merchant stall in the Hightown Plaza to greet her butler. Bodahn had been rushing, no doubt. Sweat drops dripped from his face, and he had his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry..." He panted. "I could not find a courier. The situation is somewhat urgent to leave it to a courier I guess..."

"What is it?" She asked, setting down the leather bracer back onto it's shelf.

"The Guard Captain, and your friend – they require your presence over at the mansion immediately! It's a hopeless situation otherwise, I tell you!"

She let out a irritated breath of air, and ran back to the mansion with her servant.

_What now?_

She didn't even need to open the door to hear the booming voice of Aveline through her walls, burying the nonchalant Rivaini's jesting. The two of them were in her main lobby, Aveline flinging her arms around impatiently and yelling about something at Isabela, who was comfortably perched against the staircase railing, apparently very interested in her nails at the moment.

"This is important!'" Aveline told Isabela. "Don't interrupt with your selfish prattle!"

"Get off your high horse, I have problems too!"

Aveline scoffed. "'What drink should I order?' and 'Who's the father?'"

If Hawke was not indebted to Aveline and had not known the woman for a year now, things would have gotten horribly wrong at that point. Although Hawke was more civilized that the pirate, she shared many similar philosophies and ideas with Isabela that she knew the Guard Captain did not see eye to eye on. However, Hawke held a great deal of power and potential in Kirkwall as of the moment, which was why Aveline needed her help. However, Hawke did not appreciate Aveline making fun of Isabela in her home.

"Oh, you little..." Isabela raised her fist.

"What is it now, you two?" Hawke intervened.

Isabela stopped in her tracks when she spotted Hawke. The Rivaini immediately bolted up and ran towards Hawke. Aveline turned to do the same.

"We have a situation, Hawke." Aveline said first, cutting off Isabela. "The Arishok is sheltering two fugutives who have 'converted' to the Qun. He must be convinced to release them. If we-"

"I'm going to die!" Isabela exclaimed loudly over the sword maiden.

Hawke's brows furrowed and she shook her head, confused. She turned to Isabela.

"There. Got your attention. Real problem." Isabella smirked.

"One by one, ladies." She reminded them. "What's this about you dying?"

It wasn't as if she favored one over the other. Regardless of which she choose, she hoped that both women knew that she would try to get the situation under control and the problems fixed, as usual.

It only took her a few minutes to figure out what was going on. Isabela had finally located the relic she had so desired, but Aveline was urging Hawke to come with her to see the Arishok, something that Hawke did not want to tell Aveline that she dreaded. The Arishok and herself were not a pair that would get along – her diplomacy meant little to him, and she was at a loss for words every time they met.

"Well?" Isabela rushed towards the mansion door. "Let's go!"

Hawke nodded to Aveline, giving her the reassurance that she would be back before heading out with the pirate. The Guard Captain did not look angry. Perhaps a little irritated, but not furious. At least, Hawke hoped not.

* * *

**2 Days Later.**

* * *

Blood trickled down her arm, and sweat dripped down her face. She wiped it away with her hand. Saying she was tired would have been an understatement. Her fingers tingled and felt raw, her chest heaved, and her heart pumped furiously as she tried to catch her breath in the corner.

How long had she been here?

The adventures for the past two days were definitely _not _what she had expected. Isabela had certainly put on a show, for one.

It had only taken them a short while for Hawke to help her locate the relic which she claimed had been lost to her and was the key to releasing the pirate from imprisonment or impending death. However, the moment they had found out what exactly the relic was, everything had started to make sense, esepcially why Isabela would never set foot near the Arishok. Hawke had always assumed it to be because of the smell of their compound – it _was _quite putrid, after all.

But that had not been the right answer. Isabela had been the one responsible for taking the sacred text of the Qunari, the main reason that they had not been able to leave Kirkwall. Hawke had been angry, and right so. Isabela had kept the ordeal from her, and more still – she had planned to run off with it.

She came back, of course, and Hawke did not know whether to be glad or furious. However, more important matters had been thrust into her hands. The Arishok refused to leave without taking Isabela with them to convert into the Qun. Though Hawke was angry at her temporary betrayal, she knew better than to agree to the Arishok's terms.

Instead, a battle to the death ensued. She was no prepared for it, but it had been forced upon her. Not even her allies could help.

And now here she was – 5 hours into it.

The Arishok was hulking, brawny, and heavy compared to her miniature stature. So far, the only thing that she had over him was speed – even his blows were devastating. She could barely take two hits from him before having to use a potion to regain some of her strength, and even when she did that, she would still barely have enough time to dodge.

She could not believe she had been battling with him for hours now.

Her allies stood helplessly at the sidelines, next to Qunari soldiers, overlooking their death match. Isabela would cry out tactics for Hawke, but none of the had worked. Meanwhile, Anders kept trying to urge her to be more careful. Merill said little, but fidgeted with her fingers nervously next to Aveline. Her allies knew that they could take the Arishok down together, but this was Hawke's fight alone. They wanted to help, of course, but they were prohibited. Hakwe had been at it for hours now, even Fenris looked worried.

She rolled on the red carpet for the umpteenth time, and gazed past the columnades to see the rolling head of the viscount, who had been killed second before her arrival. She lunged around the column once more to dodge, and hit the bulky Qunari with a Miasmic flask. Once hit, the Arishok stumbled around long enough for her to get a few hits in.

He had been struck multiple times, much more than she had been struck by him. However, she seemed to be punching at a wall. Nothing she did affected him as much as she hoped, and he always regained his posture swiftly.

_When would this battle end?_

* * *

Fenris watched from the sidelines as Hawke drew her weapon above the Arishok's head. But her blade reverberated against his thick skin, sending her back a few feet. Thankfully, she landing expertly, and dodged the ramming Qunari.

He, along with the rest of Hawke's companions, had rushed to the Viscount's Keep, the moment everyone had heard about their death match that was ensuing. He was frantically running to see if it was true, and hoping for the best scenario.

He would have dived in to help her at any given second. All of them would have done the same. However, this was Hawke's fight, and she had given them that look that dared them to do otherwise to incur her fury.

Oh, but he had so desperately wanted to help her. He felt useless to her, and he hated it. He could not bear the sight of her, limping across the field with blood dripping down her arms. He did not dare look away from the fight. He wanted to see every minute of it, and as he did so, his fondness for her only grew. Her strength and courage only served to ignite his heart.

He said nothing the entire duration of the battle, unlike his allies. He did not want to distract her. He only hoped that she would emerge out of this in one piece. He swore to himself that the moment he saw Hawke about to come in harm's way, he would leap in to save her. He didn't care if the Arishok would be his end, and he didn't care if the Qunari would try to convert him. As long as Hawke would emerge safely, he would be happy.

The glare from her dagger flashed before his eyes, and for a minute his heart jumped up his throat as he could not see a thing. The next moment he was greeted by the sight of her drawing her weapon once more across the Arishok's throat, her expression vicious, her hands red, and her cheeks beyond flushed.

The blade she had brought down upon her enemy was the deciding factor. It was over. She had won. Those around him cheered in delight. He was caught off guard with the squealing Merill, who came up to him, jumping for joy, and attack-hugged him spontaneously. That was the first in a while that he had been caught off guard, surprised. It was not an expression of his seen by many people.

The crowds cheered loudly, the Kirkwall citizens drew a sigh of relief and wonder. The Qunari slowly exited, leaving their deceased leader on the ground, while the people behind them booed and shooed. They still carried the tome with them, and Fenris only hoped that this would finally be the end to their dealings with their people.

Fenris exited the room with his friends, and he watched Hawke, who had been sitting on the ground, exhausted, be lifted by a joyous crowd, grateful for her victory. Her expression turned from surprise to bashfulness, and then slowly to pride and relief. People thanked her, shook her hand, offered her a multitude of supplies and food.

Even the bartender from the Hanged an presented himself to her and promised Hawke and her companions a glorious feast. The people screamed, and carried her out of the Viscount's Keep. Fenris followed suit, a smile on his face, with his chest proudly roaring inside.

* * *

"I cannot believe it happened still!" Anders exclaimed to Merill as he sat across the long table from the elf.

"If it had taken any longer, I don't think it would have ended as fortunately." Merill nodded. "A whole five hours – that's amazing, isn't it?"

"Kept us on our toes the entire time, that Hawke..." Varric added as he raised his glass, the drink spilling a little on the table. "But we're all as happy as ever now that it's over. Hawke's something, isn't she?"

Anders smiled and turned to look at Kirkwall's new Champion.

Hawke had been bombarded with people she didn't even know all day. The Hanged Man was more crowded than usual because everyone knew the Champion had often spent her nights there. That, and the fact that the bartender had promised them a lovely feast, which he had not skimped out on one bit.

There was roasted turkey, ham, chicken soup, bountiful bowls of potatoes, leafy greens, and even sweet bread. The bartender's wife had even brought a few berry pies from her own home kitchen to treat them. There was plenty of ale and whiskey, and the crowd that roared in the small pub only served to make things more excited and celebratory.

Anders could barely eat one more spoonful of the delicious food. He, Merill, and Varric sat at the end of long table, discussing trivial matters. The rest of their crew had split from the table and were now mingling with others in the bar.

Anders scanned the room for a waiter. He needed another refill.

Hawke caught his eyes and shot him a desperate look. She wanted to spend more time with him, of course, but she was the special person of interest tonight, and he did not want to take away from her celebration. He nodded at her and smiled.

Isabela was sitting at the usual spot in the bar area, drinking shots by herself. He watched as the Rivaini gulped at her mug, and took it upon himself to join her, taking the empty seat beside her and ordered a cold cup of brandy. This was Hawke's party, after all. She would want him to have fun.

"You know, you're not nearly as selfish as you pretend." He started, smiling at the pirate. "I thought you were. But now I can gladly-"

"Hey! You take that back!" She blurted out; her breath smelled of alcohol.

He laughed. "You had your relic. You were gone. There was no reason for you to come back and face the Qunari. But you did anyways."

Her lips pouted a little. "I still don't have a ship. I thought I could get one." She muttered as she turned away from him and took another shot.

His eyebrows rose. "From a bunch of shipwrecked Qunari?" He said humorously.

"From the Viscount." She said in a matter-of-fact tone, and then mumbled silently under her breath, "I just got here late."

Her justification was obviously a lie. It made him smile.

"I always knew you had a heart of gold."

She put her fingers to her lips. "Shh! Don't tell anyone." She whispered.

"I won't."

"You know," She set her glass down. "I always thought that I would be here for at most a year or two. I figured once I got my hands on the book, it would all be done and I'd make off with all the riches a pirate could ever dream of. But … meeting Hawke has changed me."

"I think it's changed all of us."

"I think you're right." She winked at him.

Isabela stood up to join Varric in his corner. Shouting and applauding proceeded when she got there. Anders turned back to his drink, now half filled. He looked back up to stare at Hawke talking to a girl he had never seen before. Her eyes caught his from across the room once more as he looked at her longingly. He knew what they were both thinking.

There was a strange love and rivalry between them that existed outside of the normal realm. There was occasionally times when they did not see eye to eye and they clashed. At times like those, she made him tremble with anger (especially when she made judgments on mages he thought should be made free).

Yet as they traveled together more and more often, tending her wounds and fighting alongside her, he found himself growing fond of her, even if she did not always harbor his same ideals. He could not deny that she was an mighty woman, capable of holding her own in battle, in speech, and in honor.

He liked that about her. The little bit of rationality left within him always found itself arguing against his inner turmoil, inner emotions, and Justice. He wanted to take their new-found relationship slowly. Most of the time he was with her, time seemed to stop anyways. Everyone disappeared the moment he was together with her. Somehow, he had fallen in love with Hawke – he wanted to have her, to possess her, to feel her around him – and at the same time, he wanted to utterly crush and destroy her.

He waited for her to receive all the praise, speeches, and honor that she rightfully deserved. Toasts were made, and the feast ensued. Glancing at the wine that had poured into his glass, he swirled it around, thinking about the first night he shared with Hawke.

It was a night he never wanted to forget, no matter what the future led to. He was not one to force himself on her, or make her fasten the pace of their relationship. But he could not deny his desires for her. She was his now, and he had never been happier.

* * *

Fenris sat in the end of the bar, on the opposite end of Isabela and Anders. He paid little attention to either of them however. All he could get his mind on was Hawke.

Just her survival from the fight had been commendable. It was awe-inspiring and liberating – especially to the people of Kirkwall. Perhaps in time, Hawke would become the next Viscount. That idea was a little far-fetched for now though.

Fenris quickly stole a glance at her.

She seemed to be suffocating in a sea of people, half of which she did not even know. Truthfully, Fenris did not take well to heavily-populated areas and large parties such as these. It reminded him too much of all the parties that had taken place in Danarius' Tevinter mansion, where Fenris had served to 'entertain' his master's guests. It had been humiliating to say the least.

Thankfully, that was over now. Today was Hawke's day. Her victory was not only a momentuous event, but it had also granted everyone a sigh of relief, for Hawke was still in one piece. Tonight they celebrated Hawke – and there was not a single person at the pub that wanted to sweep her off her feet more than the brooding elf.

But she was not his to sweep, he reminded himself.

He knew that she still harbored harsh feelilngs towards him ever since his clash with Anders days ago. He had been angry and irritated, and lashed out at her once more. She had every right to be angry. However, today was not the day.

Fenris got up from the tall bar chair and weaved his way through the crowd to join Varric and Merill. Isabella had just joined them as well. Fenris sat himself next to the pirate and they started drinking once more.

He understood why Hawke was angry. After all, he had told her numerous times that he could not bring himself to be near her. He was a failure when it came to protecting her – he had too much baggage to be stringing her along with him. It was the best decision he had decided.

And at the point, Hawke had every reason to be irritated at him. Fenris realized now that he had been the irrational one. How could he have expected Hawke to stand there, waiting for him to come around for her? She had a young, beautiful woman, and was at the marrying age. It was only natural that she be interested in settling down. With all of his past troubles always lingering in the back of his mind, Fenris was no option for her.

Neither was Anders, Fenris thought to himself as the voices of his friends murmured over his thoughts. The mage had just as much, if not more, troubles than Fenris himself. Yet the difference, Fenris noted, was the Hawke had been accepted by Anders – and she seemed content with their relationship. If she was happy with him, what more could he say? Her happiness was all that mattered from the start, right?

But Anders was different. He was no ordinary man. He was a mage – a possessed mage – and a dangerous one. If only Hawke understood his feelings. If only she knew how much danger she put herself in when she starting dating that apostate. She had no idea how cunning mages could be, and Fenris knew all too well. He could tell from the way Anders looked at her on occasion – there was something more than love that the mage looked for in Hawke – something a lot more dark and sinister – not love.

Suddenly, Fenris' brooding thoughts were broken. He felt a heavy weight plop down onto his lap. Surprised, he saw a pair of fleshy, tanned thighs around him, long arms draped around his neck, and a pair of enormous breasts staring back at him alluringly.

The Rivaini giggled at his surprised expression. She was obviously drunk.

"Now, now, Isabela..." Varric warned. "Don't go scaring him off..."

"What are we doing?" Merill asked. "If this some sort of dance? I want to see!"

"You could call it that..." Isabela winked at Fenris.

"Get off." Fenris sighed, peeling her arms off his neck. "You're drunk."

But the pirate seemed especially lingering tonight. She wrapped her arms around his neck tighter, and her long legs rose up to lace themselves around his torso, squeezing her body tightly against his. She leaned over his shoulder, her lips touching his twitching elven ears, and softly, she whispered to him in a sultry, low and lustful voice:

"_Why don't you join me for some fun tonight, Fenris."_


	12. The Contract: Fenris x Isabela

**Summary: **After Hawke rebounds to Anders, Fenris disapproves. He does not like Anders' neglecting atitude towards Hawke, and suspects the mage is scheming something horrible. But Hawke is finally warming up to Anders, who has told her that he has found a way to rid himself of Justice. Hawke is delighted at the news. Meanwhile, Hawke is asked up front whether she will be okay with Isabela bedding Fenris. Hawke reluctantly says she is fine with it, and during the celebration of Hawke's new title as Champion of Kirkwall, Isabela asks Fenris to sleep with her!

* * *

**Chapter 12: The Contract**

* * *

He wasn't sure what he was thinking, quite honestly. All he knew was that he was, more or less, tipsy that night. What with all the celebration going on, he had half a mind to drink himself blind – it worked, haphazardly.

Isabela giggled as she tugged on him to walk faster. They were both intoxicated, without a doubt (Isabela more than him). Fenris did not struggle to keep up with the pirate as they neared her room in the Hanged Man.

It was not nearly as extravagant as Varric's of course, but it was better than nothing. Fenris would have preferred anything over letting Isabella have her way with him in public, an idea that she was more than willing to showcase for the large crowd tonight.

The pirate slammed the door behind them, pushing Fenris into the creaky bed before them. The first thing the pirate did was shed her blades from her back. He cleared his throat, watching her skip to the bathroom and disappear behind the door. He assumed that she was readying herself, and stared at the wall in front of him blankly as he thought about what he was about to do.

Isabela was an attractive, single woman. As far as he understood it, she had no baggage whatsoever, and he liked that about her. She was, so to speak, very simplistic. There would be no worries on who would get hurt, and there would be no clear commitment that he would have to tend to afterward. Perhaps this was what he needed.

His hands crossed and shifted to his knees as he sat there, wondering. Was he really going to do this? What about Hawke? How would she react to this? No – this was not right. Fenris knew, more than anyone, that he was still in love with Hawke. He could not devote himself to anyone else.

But then again, bedding Isabela did not mean committing himself to anything to say the least. In fact, he had a hunch that as soon as this was over, they would wake up the next day and speak as thought it had never happened. She was a simple woman.

Fenris stood up and went to the bathroom doorway. He couldn't see what the pirate was doing in front of the mirror, but paid little attention either way. He leaned himself against the doorway.

Being with Isabela may not change anything, he knew, but it was not Isabela he worried for. After all, their party was prone to chat – and throw in rumors to spread. Varric, of course, already knew what was going on. Merill might take some explaining.

"Isabela..." He started.

The door opened all the way, and Fenris was taken aback by the sight.

Isabela's hands played with the strings that kept her voluptuous breasts from jumping out of her blouse. She still wore her corset, of course, but the thought of her undressing in front of him was...

"Are you worried about Hawke?" She whispered in a low voice as she neared him.

He inhaled once and tried to stop himself from staring. He knew she was merely trying to seduce him – but it was working.

She pulled her blouse loose and her breasts bounced out of them, just as he suspected they would. Her tanned skin and supple nipples stared right back at him in an alluring manner. The rest of her white blouse merely slid down her shoulders.

His breath fastened, and he had to force himself to look into her eyes.

"Isabela, this is not a good idea-"

"Hawke has already talked to me about this though, darling." Isabela pouted.

Fenris blinked. Twice.

"What?"

Isabela used one finger to slowly traced a circle around his chest, while her other arm snaked its way around his neck. Her thighs brushed up against his, her right one attaching onto him like vines. He could almost feel her sex rubbing up against his. She was, as he and Varric discussed many times before, quite the temptress.

"Hawke told me she was perfectly fine with us doing this." Isabela was explaining. "I asked her about it the other day – after your fight with Anders here."

Fenris did not know how to respond. Had Hawke really told Isabela she was fine with him sleeping with the Rivaini? At what point in time did anyone need Hawke's permission to bed him anyways? How preposterous! He was hit by a sudden rage that proved insatiable.

"And you think that Hawke... has that sort of power over me?" He asked the pirate, his teeth gritted as he tried to remove her leg from his waist.

But she wouldn't budge.

"Oh, don't be so angry, Fenris." She smiled. "It'll only turn me on more."

He didn't know what to think. Had Hawke thought that he was simply her old toy, free to give away? He was no longer a slave. He was certainly not hers to give away.

Isabela took his hand and placed it on her plump ass. He was caught off guard and turned back to look at her. He caught her lustful eyes and, to his own surprise, did not remove his hand from her.

"I merely asked because I didn't want her getting angry at me." She pouted. "If it makes you feel better, I'd say she was more than reluctant to give you away. Not that it matters, of course. I would've gotten my way just as easily without her permission."

Fenris said nothing. He was feeling a little better because of that though. Hawke had _unwillingly _given him away. In which case, the waves of his rage died down slightly. They were still looming in the back of his mind though.

He stared down at the pirate, who was rubbing herself over him, and smirked. Hawke was not going to listen to him and take his advice and break things off with the abomination, so Fenris was going to do exactly what she did not want him doing. It had been a formality, to say the least, that Hawke would tell Isabela she was over him, and give the pirate permission to bed him. But even Fenris knew that Hawke had never given up on him. At least, now he was _almost_ sure.

"I know what you're thinking." Isabela wore his same smirk. "You want to incur Hawke's jealousy by sleeping with me, don't you?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"I only know because I've done things like that myself. And may I add that I like the way you think?" She winked at him and leaned closer to his, her lips touching his face.

"Is this a proposition?"

"Maybe... I'll help you with this scheme." She smiled. "So what say you and I honor our agreement with something hot and steamy here?" She said in a low voice that send chills down his spine.

All he could do was nod as his other hand went up to cup her breasts – something that he had thought of doing before while they played cards. Isabela instinctively hooked on to him, grabbing him with her legs by the waist.

She kissed him ferociously, and he tasted the whiskey she had been drinking that night. Both of his hands flew to her buttocks, and he stumbled back onto her bed as they bit at each others lips. Isabela's breasts rubbed up against his chest, and he felt her hands fumble around, trying to undress him as fast as possible, her short skirt riding up as she sat down on his lap. She undid all the buckles to his breastplate in an almost expert manner. He felt his erection coming on, fast.

"Damn! I knew it!" She giggled as his clothes came off. "Those tattoos _do _trace all the way down there!"

"You were wondering all this time?" He smirked as he nipped at her neck. "You could have just asked me."

She moaned slightly as Fenris groped her breast, while sucking on the other. Her head arched back to give him more space. For a pirate with no where permanent to stay, she sure smelled good. He bit her nipple lightly, and she gave out a tiny scream. Her nails scratched into his arm involuntarily. He didn't mind, however, and continued.

Soon, he was completely naked and Isabela had only her black lace panties left. He had seen her underwear on many occasions, but never had he dreamed that he would be taking them off.

Her hands traced his tattoos seductively. He closed his eyes to savor her touch.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

He opened his eyes to look at her, unsure of what she intended to gather from her inquiry. Did she want to hurt him in bed? Or was she asking out of genuine concern?

"No," He answered with a charming smile. "Are they truly _that _fascinating to you?"

Isabela smirked. "It's just nice to be able to touch and admire them while you _aren't _tearing someone inside out. I find them extremely... attractive on you."

Her breasts pressed against his chest once more and suddenly all self-control was thrown out the window as she placed her hands further down his body.

"Isabela..." He let out a desperate gasp. It had been so long since he had... release.

She leaned her head down to his for a searing kiss. His lips were almost addictive, and she could not get enough of them. She felt his hands possessively tangle in her hair, his teeth nipping at her exposed flesh of her neck, and her breath escaping her throat faster with each passing second. Every inch of her body quivered in desire as her senses took over and directed her actions.

She was used to being the driver in these cases, but things were different with Fenris, especially since she was aware that the elf was still emotionally raging. A large part of her desired this possessive Fenris, and felt jealous that Hawke had experienced it before her. Fenris' possessive and violent side in bed was indeed very, very hot.

She heard a low, throaty chuckle pass by his lips, and it sent shivers down her spine once more. She used her fingers nails to dig into his shoulders, hoping that he too would start to roughen up to her. A sudden pressure against her crotch told her that the fun was about to begin.

Fenris was too good with his hands, and he was quick too.

With her bare thighs grinding up against him, he let out a low growl and immediately flipped her onto the bed so that he loomed over her. It surprised her, especially since she found herself often to be on top. Fenris was already hard from their kissing and biting, and not to mention the groping. Both their mouths tasted like alcohol, no doubt due from their incessant drinking at the celebration upstairs.

His lips were on hers and her legs wrapped around his.

"Mmmmmm..." Isabela moaned as Fenris squeezed one naked breast, and then the other. She looked up at him again, a look of lust on her face.

"So we're really going to do this?"

Fenris looked down at her. Her lips were parted and she was breathing through her mouth. Her lips glistened in the flickering candlelight. What a silly question – of course they were going through with it. She had teased him all night long, and it had been a while since he...  
Fenris grinned at her foolish question. "I hardly think that question's necessary. You've already got the both of us unclothed, Isabela." He said sincerely as he gently pinched her nipple. "Was there something else were you hoping for?"

Isabela bit her lip and thought long and hard. She did, in the back of her mind, want to know what Fenris could do in bed – but a part of her knew that he would be holding back on her. The extremely intimate moments, she knew, would be given to the woman in Fenris' mind – Hawke.

Nevertheless, she smiled and tilted her head up to him. Fenris leaned over kissing her lightly, then harder as he felt her tongue brush his. Isabela moaned and turned towards him, pressing her chest against his.

Fenris was caught off guard and his face twisted in surprise as he felt Isabela's right hand move over to his thigh. She broke their kiss, leaning back and looking into his eyes as she slid her hand higher and higher up his thigh. She was grinning as she continued higher. Her hand cupped his full balls and then moved to cover his hard cock.

"My, Fenris..." She whispered with a sultry smirk. "You're hard as a rock..."

Her eyes closed as she wrapped her palm around him and began a rhythmic squeezing. Fenris groaned again and returned his lips to hers. Their tongues intertwined, dueling wetly with each other. Isabela was moaning as they kissed and her hand was working wonders on his cock, running up and down it's full length, squeezing and pawing.

Fenris knew she had experience – perhaps even more so than him. But the way she was sliding her palm up and down his length was driving him crazy. It had been far too long since he had last taken to a woman, and with his fury in Hawke's relationship with Anders, there was indeed a lot he had been bottling up. The only problem was that he felt ill-prepared to let it loose on Isabela.

Fenris gazed at her exposed tits. Her naked flesh felt wonderful under his hand, and he gently teased and stroked her breast, especially her nipples. Every time he touched them, he felt Isabela shiver beneath him. Though they were merely friends, he wanted to satisfy the pirate's needs for the night.

This was not his _only _thought, however. As the minutes ticked by, he suddenly grew aware of what Isabela was planning. His breath caught in his throat as he felt Isabela change her pace. He pulled back allowing her the space to work, and moaned slightly.

She sat up in the bed before him, her hands still making quick work of his cock, and her eyes staring deliciously at him still. She brought herself up to his lips and started kissing him fiercely. He groaned loudly as she continued jerking him off.

Fenris dropped his hand to her thigh. Isabela thrust her tongue deep into his mouth and spread her legs wider, inviting him higher. Fenris grinned into her mouth and slid his hand up until he felt her hot dampness under his palm. There was no more teasing now. Both of them were fully intent on exploring their lustful fantasies.

"Mmmm...it's so hard... " Isabela whispered.

She was indeed different from Hawke, with whom Fenris had only been with for a night. In that experience, Hawke had been a much more reserved and shy type of woman. Never would she have grabbed his length, referred to it as his 'cock' and been so straight forward with him. He had expected no less from Isabela. But in all honesty, Fenris preferred the shy and anxious types; he enjoyed the way they squirmed and were completely dishonest with their feelings in bed.

Isabela stroked him faster as Fenris found the wettest spot between her legs. She stiffened when his fingers found her naked pussy lips, then she let out a long "Aaahhhh..." as he worked his fingers between them. Fenris flicked his thumb lightly over her clitoris, stimulating her further as he slid his finger into her pussy.

She was wet enough to allow him effortless passage, and he pushed deeper until his entire middle finger was inside her. Isabela's hips began to move, and he followed her rhythm, fucking his finger in and out.

Isabela broke their kiss, pushing her face into Fenris's shoulder. Her hand maintained it's grip on his cock, but her stroking stopped, much to Fenris's relief. He certainly did not want to finish too soon and make a mess all over the two of them.

He looked down at the pirate, who head was situated on his shoulder. Her mouth was open, breathing hard. Her every breath was steamy and excited. She gazed at him with begging eyes.

He continued to slide his finger in and out of her pussy, as he gently pushed her back onto the bed. Isabela didn't resist at all, leaning back until her head was against the soft pillows. Her hips arched forward invitingly and her firm breasts heaved impatiently.

Fenris continued to finger her as she looked up at him with smoldering eyes. She brought both hands up to her tits, squeezing them as she spread her legs wider.

"Make me come, Fenris..." She panted, "Maker, your finger feels so good inside me...Please make me come...oh...yes..."

But before she could reach her peak, Fenris slid his fingers out from inside her. Her head snapped forward and she gazed at him quizzically. Fenris then grabbed a handful of her hair and leaned down, crushing her lips with his, claiming her mouth. She automatically put her hands up on his broad, strong chest, feeling his muscular figure. She was surprised that he had stopped touching her even disappointed. But it only served to feed her lust more.

"You're not allowed to come yet." It was a demand, rather than a request. She smiled, knowing that this was only the surface of Fenris' demanding nature – the one she had heard about from Hawke when the latter was drunk off her boots.

His arms tightened around her until she was so pressed into his body she could barely breathe. He lifted one leg over her and straddled her, took hold of both of her wrists and pressed them into the sheets above her head. Her chest was heaving. This was very exciting indeed and she could feel that her pussy twitching. Fenris had her at his mercy., and she certainly hoped he wouldn't show her any.

He gazed down at her, dark hair splayed out wildly against the white sheets. Her eyes were shining with sexual excitement, and her lips were red and full from all the rough kissing, perhaps even some blood. He could tell she liked being restrained in this way. Of course she did – she was Isabela. What did she _not _like?

His lower body slid down the length of Isabela's, grinding his crotch into hers. She could feel his erection very thoroughly now. She spread her legs as far as could, giving him better contact with the sensitive, moist place between her legs. He lifted his hips and released her hands so he could nudge her opening slowly with the tip of his erection. This proved to be tremendously arousing to both of them - the torture of holding off actual sex was heightening their passion to a feverish pitch.

Her wrists free, Isabela clawed at his arms, moaning and begging him to take her.

"Maker, Fenris... please!" Isabela gasped as he continued his teasing.

He felt so much passion rise up in him it was almost violent. Without thinking about the consequences or whether Isabela would be upset, he grabbed her wrists with one hand, and leaned over to her glistening breasts, biting down on her nipple as she gasped out loud.

"Maker, Fenris!" Was all she said, as she groaned with excitement.

"Do you want me to take you, Isabela?" His voice was nearly a growl in her left ear, as he caught her earlobe in his teeth.

"Yes!" She breathed, her chest heaving. "Please, please!"

His other hand worked on pinching her other nipple, never ceasing her moaning. She tried to struggle against him, but she was not in a position where she could. She was at his mercy now. And she liked it.

"Yes what? I want you to say it!" Fenris hissed in her ear.

"I want you to take me, Fenris. Please take me!"

The words that came out of her mouth were strange and foreign to her. She was never one to submit to men – not after her violent husband. She often found herself to be the driving force to every sexual excursion she had. However, this one was different – and she was enjoying it enough not to kick Fenris in the nuts and run out of the room, a tactic she used often when she found herself in those situations, most of which occurred out in sea, back when she had a crew of men, all of whom had not laid eyes on a woman for months. She often found herself the object of their affection, and made it clear to her underlings that those actions were entirely inappropriate unless desired.

Nevertheless, Fenris released her hands so he could grab hold of both her breasts. In comparison to most of the women he was around, the were indeed very large - even more so than Hawke's. Fenris grinned; he knew Isabela prided herself on this fact.

He began to kiss and bite his way down her body, all the while his length maintaining contact with her moist opening. She paused to look up at him, a look of near defiance on her face.

"Are you teasing me?" She demanded. "You knife-eared bastard - that is so cruel!"

"Yet there is little you can do about it." He corrected her. His voice was low and very sexy, and he didn't take his eyes off of her face. He leaned down to her once more and whispered, "Not even if I did this." At that, he grabbed hold of her body and flipped her over onto her stomach.

"Hey!" She exclaimed, surprised by the turn of events. She tried to push herself up with her hands, but he covered her with his body, pressing her down to the floor and again capturing her wrists. This time, he pulled them behind her back. He began to talk in her right ear, interspersing kisses with his words.

"What will you do? The same you do to all the other unwanted men that lust after you?"

She didn't answer. Sure, if this was an unwanted man, she would have long kicked him out. Game over. But Fenris was not unwanted to say the least.

"You are enjoying this." Fenris stated in between rushed breaths. "I bet you don't lose control very often, do you Isabela?" He taunted with a smirk that she could only imagine on his handsome face.

Her heart was pounding. She was not afraid, but rather excited. This was far more that she usually bargained for when she was with a man - what did he intend to do? He was right – she was enjoying this. Perhaps a bit too much.

"Fenris?" She pleaded softly.

"Be quiet." He commanded.

She struggled slightly within his grip, but his hold on her only got tighter. She only desired to touch his skin. The more he denied her, the more she wanted to do it. However, there was little strength in her when compared to Fenris. And Andraste forbid if he actually started glowing while they did it – the dangerous ideas that flowed into her mind gave her shivers.

"Are you enjoying this, Isabela?" He paused for a moment, and when she didn't respond, he ran kisses along the back of her neck. "It _is _making you wet, after all."

He moved down her body and sunk two of his fingers deep inside her wet cunt. She moaned in reply, her head was spinning and she was losing her ability to reason. His fingers trailed in and out of her wetness, and her wrists were still being held from behind, by only one of his hands.

Grasping her legs, Fenris flipped her over onto her back again so that she was directly under him, his body pressing her back into the soft sheets.

"Maker, yes - please..." Isabela didn't speak further, though sounds of pleasure seemed to be wrenched from her as she felt Fenris slide his hard penis into her. It didn't even take a couple of thrusts to get it all the way in, he slid in quite easily.

But then he began to slam into her with more velocity and rhythm. He groaned as he thrust himself into Isabela's wonderful tightness. She arched her back up toward him, taking him in even as he drove into her. Her fingernails raked passionately down his back - but she was scarcely aware of what she was doing. The sting of her scratches only served to excite him further.

"Maker, how long I've anted this, Fenris..." Isabela moaned. "You have no idea. I knew I was going to enjoy fucking you, you brooding elf."

He didn't even mind that she had called him 'brooding'. It felt good to finally be inside a warm body. It was like a fantasy come to life. He was so enamored with the good feelings that he had ignored the fact that the only thing he was missing... was his woman.

Fenris lifted her knees to be nearly even with her ears - and thrust into her, in an out, in and out, the power growing with each second.

"Ohhh..." he groaned.

"How do I feel to you?" She demanded. " Do you like fu-" He stopped her from talking here by covering her mouth with his. Isabela felt like they were breathing each other in.

Very suddenly he pulled up and yanked himself out of her. Before she could even question what he was doing, he roughly threw her over onto her stomach again, grabbing hold of her hips. Fenris tugged her upward and she gasped as he penetrated her from behind. Her back was arched like a cat, as Fenris knelt behind her and jabbed himself deeply inside. She crossed her arms and rested her head on her forearms as Fenris plunged into her over and over again - pulling almost all the way out before lunging back again. He was hitting her cervix and beginning to touch her g-spot. He leaned down and sank his teeth into her left shoulder blade. She cried out from the pleasure and pain he was inflicting. She felt like a cat in heat, balanced precariously on a hot surface. It was exhilarating.

Fenris, meanwhile, was nearing the peak of his own pleasure. He reached a hand under her and began to flick her clitoris with his fingers. She stretched against him even further and began to make a sound that was a moan and a desperate cry at the same time.

"Come for me." He told her between breaths. He began to talk into her right ear as he rammed himself into her and teased her clit. Her breathing became ragged, and she was on the verge of tears from the raw passion he was creating.

With his free hand, he pulled her hair and turned her head so that he could kiss her from behind. She moaned into his mouth as the floodgates opened inside her. Fenris felt her pussy clench and unclench in rapid-fire motions around his cock. She became even wetter, and as his penis moved in and out of her at a slower pace, the slick sounds that it made seemed very noisy in the now quiet room. Isabela's strength gave out as she collapsed forward on the floor. Fenris fell forward with her, adjusting himself so as not to crush her beneath him.

It took a while before the both of them regained the posture. Isabela got up first. This kind of thing, while the experience was different, was definitely more customary to her than the elf. But it was obvious that her future experiences would be dull in comparison to Fenris.

He sat up slowly and reach for his trousers first, much to her disappointment. The two of them began to dress themselves again, and an awkward silence ensured. They were both thinking of the same thing.

"I don't know why you don't want Hawke with Anders." She suddenly stated.

He turned to her, his expression bitter. "Why must you ask this of me? Isn't it obvious?"

"You're jealous he's had Hawke all to himself?"

He shook his head and replied, "He cannot be trusted. Everyone, including you, have fallen under his spell."

Isabela chuckled. "That's because he's a sexy apostate."

"You mean an abomination."

Isabela tsked. "Oh, don't be so close minded. Just imagine what it would be like if we were in a threesome." She giggled.

Fenris didn't laugh as she'd hoped he would. Instead, his gloomy expression only grew darker. She made a mental note never to suggest such things in front of broody again.

"So, was there anything else you wanted?" Fenris asked as he got up from the bed. He didn't need to ask 'other than sex' to his statement. He was still naked from the waist up. He walked to the bathroom, and began washing himself with water from the basin.

Isabela followed the lines of lyrium with her eyes. They twisted and curled over his olive skin in patterns that accentuated the play of muscles in his back and shoulders. It made her mouth water with desire all over again...

"Answer me this first – do you or do you not want to get back together with her?"

The question was straight-forward. But she didn't care.

Fenris did not turn back to look at her while answering. In fact, he remained silent for a while. It was obviously something that he was having a hard time coming to terms with. But Isabela already knew the answer, just from his silence alone.

"You're going to need my help." She told him as she neared him. She rested her body against the wall next to him. He had yet to put on his breastplate. She could still see the beads of sweat down his neck. It was so sexy. She felt proud of herself for having just gotten a piece of the attractive elf.

"If you want to help, go ahead." He answered without looking at her.

She smirked. "But... I'm going to have to request something in exchange."

"Sex?"

She laughed out loud. "My dear elf, I _do _like you." She gazed at him, her grin never leaving. "You know everything about me, don't you?"

"Is there any time when you don't think about sex?" He asked inquisitively. She didn't know if he was trying to make a joke or not, but she regarded it one anyway.

"Of course not," She answered. "You only live once. In fact, I think I have the hardest time _not _thinking about it." She declared proudly.

He grabbed the towel from the rack behind her and started wiping his neck. Water droplets left the tips of his hair and landed on the floor around them. His face rose to greet hers. "Well, I suppose I can safely say that I've finally witnessed that philosophy tonight."

With that, Isabela rose from the wall and grabbed Fenris' hand, shoving it forcefully down her blouse. "I'm thinking about it even now."

He snapped back his hand from her breast, though a smirk remained on his face.

They both moved back into the room with the bed – it's sheets now tangled in a mess and the smell different than what it was like when they first stumbled into it.

"So do we have a deal?" Isabela asked.

Fenris stared at her for a while before answering. "I don't think we will need to carry out any drastic measures." He said slowly. "Anders will show his ugly demeanor to her sooner or later."

Her eyebrows rose.

"But I suppose if you want to get together occasionally for the fun of it, I'll have to oblige. In a strictly professional matter, of course."

Isabela wanted to laugh out loud again and tell the elf that there was nothing 'professional' about the relationship they were about to start. But somehow, that idea did not seem to be one that would work in her favor, so she kept her mouth shut.

"Sounds good to me, broody." She answered.

"Then we're done here?" Fenris asked as he faced away from her, fixing his breastplate and adjusting the buckles. He stopped, however, when his hand reached for the red ribbon on the table, he paused.

He suddenly felt terrible. And disgusting. Mixed in with sad and depressed. How could he have agreed to bedding the Rivaini. Hawke was his lover – she was his woman. Isabela was nothing less than a desire demon that lured men into her chambers. Fenris had just been one of the many that Isabela had taken to her bed.

"What's wrong?"

Isabela's voice seemed so far away and distant from him. His thoughts were muddled and confusing. As he fixed the red ribbon on his wrist, he decided it would be a nice night to break open a bottle of his more aged wines in the mansion cellar when he got back. He reached for his belt buckle on the table.

The Amell/Hawke crest lay there in the palm of his hand, almost glaring at him with ferocity and screaming his betrayal. How could he have done this to Hawke? What would she think? That he was an easy target for Isabela? That he was desperate? What was he thinking exactly?

The gleaming crest stared back at him for what seemed like an eternity. His belt was on, and the main emblem of the Hawke family that completed his daily outfit was the only thing missing. He wanted to put it on, but he just couldn't stop staring at it. This was s symbol of Hawke – of her love for him – of his importance to her. How could he still wear this on his uniform when...

"You miss her."

Isabela's hand rested softly on his spauldron. Her warmth emanating towards him. She was not trying to seduce him this time, he didn't think. This time, as he looked into her eyes, she was genuinely concerned for him. Were it not for the fact that she had come back after taking off with the Qunari relic, he would not have thought much of her. But the fact that Isabela had come back was thought-provoking in itself. She had changed, no doubt. Everyone knew, more or less, that there was more to her than she let on.

"I'm fine." He grumbled as he fixed the crest on his belt one more.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The same question Hawke had asked him when he killed Hadriana.

"No," Fenris said firmly. "I'm not... I just don't want to think about it."

"Well, drinking yourself to death doesn't seem to be going anywhere for you either."

He sighed. "I'm not going to explain myself to you, Isabela."

"You don't need to." She answered. "I already know. You love her."

"That has nothing to do with this." He gritted his teeth.

"Then it's just Anders?" Isabela clarified out loud. "You would be fine with anyone being with Hawke, as long as it wasn't with Anders? Anyone else. Say, someone like me?"

"Definitely not."

"Then who?"

"I don't know!" He exclaimed, tired of her badgering. What was her point? She had already gotten what she wanted from him – sex. So what else needed to be said?

"Stop torturing yourself." Isabela said in a gentler tone. "You're bothered by her being with anyone else other than you. You're scared for her, and you don't want her to get hurt. But she'll never know that unless you tell her, you daft elf."

"That is not possible." He said quietly. "She is smitten."

"Not with Anders, she isn't." Isabela said blatantly. "Call it woman's intuition, but I just know that Hawke is not satisfied with Anders. "

"That is not true. And since when do you have a woman's intuition?"

"How dare you! I'm trying to help!" Isabela punched him playfully. "Not that it's any of my business, but if you have problems you want to discuss, I'm right here. You might as well take advantage of it." She winked as she said this.

Fenris sighed and fingered the crest on his belt.

"You don't have to be the only one suffering." Isabela said. "Don't you love her enough to let her know that you feel the same?"

"She doesn't need to know." Fenris snapped as he paced around the room. "She seems perfectly content with that abomination. Her pet mage." He spat.

"That isn't true." Isabella replied. "You know it isn't. He barely even pays attention to her on some days. She tells me about it on occasion."

Fenris let out a long sigh of frustration. " You don't understand. She seems content in every way with him." He explained.

"I'm telling you she isn't!" Isabela said irritably. "Why won't you just go talk to her?"

"Because we cannot be together."

"Why not?" Isabela demanded. "That's ridiculous! Hawke doesn't have a thing against elves!"

"I'm not going to offer her the protection she needs."

"I think she is perfectly capable of protecting herself."

"Not against Danarius." Fenris reminded. "Once I thought about it, I knew I had to back out. I can't let Danarius know that I've been in love with someone... it will only endanger the both of us."

"That's your reason?" Isabela asked, not impressed. "You're trying ot be the hero?"

"I'm not trying to be anything!" Fenris told her. "I know what I'm doing – and it's the right decision. I only... I only wish that it had not been Anders."

"Or anyone else." Isabela muttered under her breath.

"What would you have me do?"

"Easy. Be with her. The poor girl probably cries herself to sleep."

That idea was preposterous. Fenris knew himself because he had climbed up a tree in Hightown many times to stare at Hawke through her bedroom window. She never spotted him, of course, but he had a good idea what she and Anders did for long evening. He was not about to tell Isabella about this, however.

"Hawke does not need to be with Anders." Fenris claimed stubbornly. "But she cannot be with me either. I will only endanger her. I'm not trying to be a hero, I'm only trying to avoid pain and tragedy that could occur at my expense."

"You're being silly."

"You don't understand, Isabela. Every night I wake up, relieved that Danarius hasn't killed me in my sleep yet, only to feel as if I'm dead already, barely breathing." He said. "I'm terrified that something may have happened to Hawke. But while I'm wide awake every night, she has no trouble sleeping with that abomination. Yet somehow I always have this voice in the back of head whispering the best part of me is always with her, and only her. But what am I supposed to say to her when I stand there like an idiot? Meanwhile, she's perfectly fine, and with Anders, of all people!"

He was getting worked up, and Isabela watched, slightly amused. This was _good. _She couldn't wait to tell Varric about the progression of this love triangle tonight.

Fenris stopped pacing and sat down opposite of her in the crumbled room. He placed one hand on his forehead and took a few deep breaths.

"I... I'm falling to pieces." He said quietly. "Over _one _woman."

"That's because you love her."

He paused, and chose not to comment on that. What was there to say? He could not even deny his feelings – not when they were this obvious.

"It is to my understanding that bad things happen for a reason. The Makers deems it so. Yet no wise words I hear can help me. I am... bleeding."

"Sorry, love."

* * *

**A/N: **I've decided to place this at the end. There is a song on which I wrote a part of this chapter. Kudos if anyone can guess it, the lyrics are kind of jumbled up. It's towards the end of the chapter. Anyways~ the long-awaited Isabela and Fenris chapter, hope you enjoyed it. If not, please don't hate/flame me! Also - PLEASE REVIEW FOR ME! I love reading the comments, and it makes me a lot more motivated to write. Also, a quick question - does the summary thing up top help you get back into the story? Or is it annoying? Thanks again for reading! _-A_


	13. Savior

**Summary:** Fenris broke Hawke's heart, so she sleeps with Anders in attempt to bring Fenris back to her. From there, she starts dating Anders, which Fenris makes it clear that he does not approve of. However, Fenris does not want to start a serious relationship with Hawke because it might put her in danger. His reasoning is the raises arguements between himself and Hawke almost ritually. Hawke refuses to break up with Anders because she wants to forget about Fenris, and Fenris attempts to incur Hawke's jealousy by sleeping with Isabela at the party celebrating Hawke's victory over the Arishok.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Savior**

* * *

"You're an elf."

"Last I checked."

"You know the Qun."

"Fairly certain."

The morning was slowly gaining on the early birds. The sun crept up with a leering smile, blinding all that would dare look its way across the ocean. Even the bird flew in the opposite direction. The only beings that were awake at this hour were only an extremely dedicated few.

The horned Qunari creature stared blankly at the lyrium-marked Tevinter fugitive, his brow furrowed and his arms crossed as his bulking body leaned against the wooden ship. His expression was confusion mixed with disappointment, and a hint of resentment. Fenris maintained his free air about him nevertheless.

"Why are you not viddathari?" The Sten demanded.

Fenris sighed lightly. He knew this would have come up sooner or later. After all, what did he expect from the Qunari? He may have a better chance of getting along with them due to his exposure to them during his stay in the Seheron, but in their eyes, everyone outside of the Qun were abominable, including Fenris himself.

"I respect the ways of the Qun, but it is not for me." He said slowly and carefully.

"The Qun is the only way." Sten's frown never ceased.

"That remains to be seen." Fenris heaved irritably.

"Why are you here, little one?" Sten asked, his tone a little less aggressive now.

Fenris paused for a second before speaking, "I came to send my regards." The elf swallowed. "I do not know if you are aware, as I've never had the chance to explain it myself. But I would like to express my apologies to those living in the Seheron. I..."

He stopped himself and was suddenly caught off-guard. He felt an abrupt uncertainty creep up within him. Why was he apologizing? Did he think that his apology could ease his sense of betrayal, and guilt? What was he hoping to solve exactly? If anything, would this not make things worse? The Qunari would most likely engage him in battle for his misdemeanors. In his head, Fenris admitted he was a coward.

The Qunari of the Seheron had been his first stepping stone – the first time he had tasted freedom, the chance of a new life. They had given him something invaluable, and what had he done to repay them? Kill them – at the behest of Danarius.

"Never mind." Fenris mumbled as he turned away from the Qunari guard. The line of boarding Qunari had died down significantly and were almost gone. No doubt their tribe would be permanently gone from Kirkwall by noon.

Fenris looked up at the sky and sighed, trying to take in the salty breeze. Freedom never tasted so bitter. His freedom had been a constant run – a constant cycle. Perhaps one day he would even get tired of running and finally turn himself in.

Fenris waved casually to the Qunari he had been talking to, who was now boarded on the bulky wooden ship. The Qunari were sailing away from Kirkwall at last.

"Goodbye."

* * *

When Hawke awoke for the morning, the first thing she felt was a lingering pain in her head that was not going away. She immediately knew what was happening, and dared not get up hastily.

But when the door knocked lightly, she looked up despite her throbbing temples to greet Bodahm, who had opened the door to her chambers, and Anders, who was carrying a tray of fragrant tea, herbs, and breakfast.

"How thoughtful you are." She smiled at them sweetly.

"You drank to much last night, so I figured..." Anders set the tray down on her bedside table and sat on the bed next to her. His hand curled around herself gently.

"Take it easy today. You need rest." He urged. "Try not to leave for today, okay?"

But Hawke laughed lightly. "I'll be fine, Anders. It is not that horrible, I don't think. Do I honestly look so hung over to you?"

Anders smiled at her and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"I don't want to see you getting sick while I do nothing. I'm a healer, remember?" He reassured her. "Trust me. After that battle with the Arishok, you've earned more than enough to rest a while. Besides, I think Aveline would have my neck if I allowed you to parade yourself around after the hordes of people crushed you last night. Best lay low for a while, love."

She begrudgingly nodded and sipped her tea, which instantly soothed the pulsating pain in her head. Her stomach, thought she didn't recognize it immediately, was churning and felt as if it would jumped up her throat any minute. She was glad Anders was there to comfort her.

"Did I truly drink so much last night?" She thought aloud as she tried thinking back.

"Well, you can blame Isabella and Varric for that." Anders chuckled as he took her empty cup away. "They were trying to celebrate your victory the only way they knew how."

"Remind me next time that I cannot even _hope _to keep up with them." Hawke told him. "All I remember is how they were still drinking while I laid my head on the table."

"I remember that as well." Anders said. "That was when I carried you back here."

"Well then, I should thank you for that." She smiled.

"I accept your gratitude, and please _do _remember that the cut on your left leg will take a while before it closes back up. Partying last night was the last thing I wanted you to do, but I didn't want to be the mood killer."

Anders lifted up the blankets and Hawke gasped as she saw that her entire lower leg was bandaged up in white linens. Even so, the red blood was never so unappealing. It had seeped through the high layers throughout the night.

"I didn't even take notice." She said quietly.

"That's because you were busy mingling and partying. 'Witch's Brew' is quite a strong drink for a girl of your size. And you had eight by my count, perhaps even more. Your intoxication probably masked the pain. Or you just have a high tolerance for it.

She blushed, embarrassed as she thought back on last night's events. She barely even remember half of it.

Anders covered her up and smiled, leaning over to kiss her lightly on the lips.

"If you need anything, tell me. I'll be here."

She nodded, feeling better now that she was not alone. Hopefully, her companions were fine with her taking a day off. She seldom took leisure days when she knew there was work to be done. And now that she thought of it, there was indeed still work to be done. The Qunari might have left Kirkwall, but the city was now without a viscount. It was obvious that the rivalry between Knight-Commander Meredith and First Enchanter Orsino would escalate beyond heated debate if the issue was not resolved soon.

But for now, Hawke could only rest. She was in no shape to be running around Kirkwall today. She legitimately felt sick to her stomach, and wanted nothing more than to snuggle into her covers for the remainder of the day.

"Hey, Anders?"

"Yes, love?" The mage was sitting beside her still when she opened her eyes. She clasped her hand on his this time and squeezed.

"Thank you."  
**_**

Despite her being bedridden, the rest of her crew still came to see her, and took turns with Anders to watch over her so that the mage could get some rest.

"This will do well in the next chapter of my story, Hawke." Varric grinned as he came through the large doors. His crossbow clunked behind him and Bodahn eyed in cautiously as he left Hawke alone with her friends.

"Surely you would not add such an embarrassing tale about me to your readers!" Hawke exclaimed. "I thought we were friends, Varric!"

"We are, Hawke." Varric grinned as he sat on the stool beside her. "But your fan want to know about the _real _you, Hawke. Not some crazy hero with no weakness – it makes the characters more human!"

"So you would tell the readers about my hang overs and personal dilemmas even if it was my wish you did not?" Hawke asked. "I'm sick, Varric. How could you be so cruel, dear friend?"

"Ha! Those puppy eye sure won't work on me Hawke! I hear Blondie telling us that you didn't even notice the large gaping wound on your leg until this morning! If that ain't something that worries you, then a little extra over-dramatization of you in my story will be nothing!"

Hawke shook her head, admitting defeat.

"You should have seen yourself last night, it was surely crazy! I've never seen you drink so much in my life! It was certainly different. Me and Rivaini had a bet that you would throw up by morning!"

"Is that why you're here?"

Varric grinned. "Maybe."

She laughed. As she did so, she noticed a pulsating beat in her head was getting worse, as it did earlier that morning. She reached for the cup near her bedside table only to realize it was empty. She had emptied it of it's original contents a while ago, before Varric arrived even.

"Let me get that for you." Varric offered, jumping off his seat. His stout legs walked him out her bedroom, leaving the doors open for a cold gust that Hawke actually enjoyed. She was getting rather hot in her feverish state.

"Don't throw up without me there, Hawke!" Varric's voice echoed down the hall.

Hawke chuckled to herself. She knew that Varric's jest was all in good humor, and deep concern. They had a connection that made him essentially her best friend, and she enjoyed his companionship more than either of them would ever let on.

Footsteps neared her door again and Hawke looked up to expect the shadow of the dwarf once more. But instead, it was a tall figure, with a think frame, and as it passed through her doors, metal armor and black leather was followed by white hair and tanned skin.

"Fenris." She greeted, thought his name got caught in her throat for a split second.

"I heard from Isabella. How are you feeling?" He asked as he sat his sword down near the door and neared her. He didn't sit down though.

"Fine," She answered, sitting up a little more. "It's just a headache. Nothing to worry about."

But Fenris frowned and reached out to her instead.

She didn't know how to react as he did so, but the next second she found his hand leaving her forehead as if it were a dream.

"What?" She demanded after a few seconds of reaction time. "Why are you touching my head?"

"I would have thought it was obvious." Fenris said as he walked over to her bathroom. I've checking up on your fever. Are you aware that you're burning up?"

"Well, I _am _bedridden today." She said, though Fenris did not hear her. "How could I get a fever just from a hangover?"

"You didn't." Fenris answered as he walked back towards her, a wet washcloth in his hands. "It's probably from that wound on your leg. You just didn't know it."

"Honestly, did everyone know I was bleeding for the leg and just didn't bother stopping me last night? Then I wouldn't be in this predicament!" She huffed.

"Lay down and stay still." Fenris told her, his brow furrowing and his hands on her shoulders, pushing her slightly. "You need to rest. Where is your medicine?"

"Varric said he was fetching some downstairs when you came in." She explained.

Fenris gently laid the pale red cloth on her head. It felt cool and soothing, immediately making her head numb and simultaneously the pain. It didn't stop how horrible it though. She was not only hung over, but also having a fever because of the wound in her duel against the Arishok.

"This is terrible." She murmured.

"I told you that you only need rest and it will go away." Fenris told her.

"You smell of the sea." She said softly but suddenly. She had noticed it as he fixed the covers over her. "Have you been at the docks _this_ early in the morning?"

"The Qunari were leaving and I could not sleep." Fenris lied. "I thought if I could greet them off, I would be able to apol-"

Fenris stopped himself from finishing that sentence. After all, he had not done what he had sought out to do that morning. It had only served to make him feel more inadequate.

"You were about to apologize to them for the time you spent in Seheron." Hawke finished his sentence,m much to his surprise (or dismay).

Her eyes were staring right back at his, and neither of them could look away.

"How did you-"

"I just knew." She said quietly.

Silence filled the room for a while, and they both stared into each others' eyes. As Hawke shifted, she felt her fingertips brush against his calloused hands. She shuddered slightly from the initial contact, which she hoped he did not notice, and did not make a move to remove her fingers from touching his hand. She hoped that he would not move either.

And he did not. Fenris only stared at her with glazed eyes. She could tell that he had been awake for a while, and that he was currently thinking of something very deep. He was, as Isabella and Varric would have put it-

"Brooding as usual, I see."

Varric's voice broke the magical lining between the two former lovers. Fenris' hand slipped away from her fingertips in what seemed like half a millisecond. Yet she could still feel his touch.

"I was not brooding." Fenris started as he moved off of Hawke's bed to let Varric set down the medicine, which Hawke reached for almost immediately.

"So how did the Qunari seem?" She asked after her first gulp. It was hot, but not too much that she couldn't handle it. She also didn't want Fenris to leave so soon. He seemed to be in need of a deep conversation.

"They were... indifferent." Fenris replied.

"Of course they were, they're _Qunari_." Varric said.

"And you wanted to talk to them about the tribe you met in Seheron?" Hawke asked him.

"I do not wish to talk about that, Hawke." Fenris replied. "You need your rest."

"It's still morning, Fenris." Hawke urged. "I just woke up."

"Yes, please tell us, Broody!" Varric said as he grabbed a stool to sit on. "Hawke could use a little distraction, and it would be nice to hear someone else tell a story for once. Though let's be honest- my stories are probably far superior!" As Varric laughed, Hawke had an eerie feeling that he had never stopped drinking from last night, but decided not to comment on that thought.

The elf confessed after Varric's badgering (and bribe to reduce Fenris' debt at Wicked Grace by half the sovereigns). "I only wanted to see if they knew what had happened after I left." Fenris sighed. "But I could not bring myself to do it."

"Good thing too, because they would probably crush your head in another duel like the one Hawke had." Varric nodded.

"I feel like a coward for running again." Fenris shook his head.

Despite his guilt and emotional depression, however, Hawke found herself glad to be in the company of the two gentlemen. Fenris was opening up to them publicly and it was a nice change.

"I thought you were from Seheron." She asked.

"Perhaps."

"You do not remember?"

"Unfortunately, my first memories are of the ritual. What came before, I cannot be certain."

Hawke was silent for a moment, not knowing what to say in reply.

"It doesn't matter, as long as you stay with us for the present time." Varric said, patting the elf on the back a few times. "Besides, I could use a helping hand in my business. Like I told you the other week, you really ought to take that offer, elf. It would keep the Coterie off your back pretty much permanently."

"I don't need employment." Hawke saw a faint smirk emerge from the corner of Fenris' lips.

"But it wouldn't kill you to make some friends in this city. Three years, and you're still practically a ghost!" Varric exclaimed. "No wonder you can't pay off your debts!"

"I prefer it that way."

Varric sighed. "Healthy attitude there. Forget I said anything." He turned to Hawke instead. "Anything else you might need, Hawke? 'Cause me and Rivaini have got a few things to take care of. She said she'll be coming over later, so be prepared to hear more stories. We've been saving up our good ones for an occasion like this!"

Hawke chuckled. "I'll prepare myself then."

"Good! Meanwhile, I think Daisy wanted me to help her fix something in that old hut she calls a home. I'll see what I can do about it, but she should really just come live in a huge house like yours, or have her take a guest room in Broody's mansion."

"No." Fenris said firmly, frowning.

"Why not? You have plenty of space in there." Varric nudged the elf. "Besides, what do you do in that gigantic house all day anyways other than drink yourself dry?"

"Dance, of course." Fenris smirked.

"Really?"

"I run from room to room, choreographing routines."

Varric's expression turned into a large grin that he could hardly contain.

"You're actually joking. Alert the Chantry! They need to put this on the calendar!"

"And here you thought I was always serious." Fenris replied.

"And you've proved me wrong, elf." Varric laughed as he passed both Hawke and Fenris. "I'll have to tell everyone about this! I'll see you two later!"

He waved and Hawke watched as his hand disappeared through the door, and the large oak panels closed behind him.

Then everything changed.

Fenris turned to look at her, and smile slightly awkwardly and he turned to look at the little decorations in her room. As he did this, Hawke remembered something that she did not want to remember – which might have explained why she was suffering this headache.

Last night at the Hanged Man, when she saw out of the corner of her eye, Isabela leading Fenris upstairs, there was no doubt in her mind on what they were about to do. Isabela had that look in her eyes. Almost everyone knew what they were about to do.

But Hawke was the only one that it affected greatly, so much to the point that she felt obligated to leave the party. She felt bothered by it – no, that was an understatement – she resented Isabella for being so... inconsiderate.

But the part of her that was the leader of their party told herself to hold it together and enjoy the party that the Kirkwall city had put together for her. It would not be apt for her to simply leave. She had to stay for at least a certain amount of time. It was in her honor, after all. Yet the fact that her head was imagining all the things that Isabella and Fenris were doing upstairs made her heart ache.

She gazed across the bar to try finding Anders, but the crowd was pushing her along to receive their gratitude and congratulatory thanks. It was overwhelming, and she could do little. The only thing that she could do was accept their thanks – and their drinks.

And so she did just that. She accepted one drink after another. And another. And another.

Which brought her to her present predicament of being a head-churning, chest-burning, feverish patient in her own home. And it hit her like any other heart beat in her chest.

The only thing that was surprising about it was the fact that she didn't realize it before – this was the first time in a while that she had been with Fenris and they had not been bickering. And now that they were alone, she suddenly felt as if she was doing something wrong.

What was she doing earlier, touching his hand with her own?

What was she thinking, getting so intoxicated because of this elf?

Who he slept with was no longer her concern, after all.

She felt a pang of guilt – a heavy weight tying her down. It made her want to drown in the sea, carrying these feelings deep down into the ocean forever._ She hoped that she could just get slapped across the face, maybe that would wake her up from this foolishness._

Her feelings were a mess, as always. Anders was her lover now. Not Fenris. She kept telling herself that, but she could not get the ex-slave out of her head no matter how hard she tried. He was, after all, right in front of her.

Their casual conversation was fine up until they both realized their current predicament. But in her present condition, she didn't want to be left alone.

Fenris was... being kind of her. He had never been anything but jealous and resentful since her relationship with Anders started. However, this was the first time since they had slept together when she found herself in a tranquility with him.

_This isn't right._

She wanted to die. She really did. She wanted to admit that Anders was the better part of her, and that she could be happy with him. But it ached her to even utter those words to herself. She wanted to cry, fall on her knees, and admit her feelings to the heart she knew would never reciprocate.

But she knew it was far too late now. As long as Fenris was here, she would never be able to get over him. He kept crawling into the back of her mind, and she found herself admitting that she was only forcing herself to be serious with Anders.

She did not love him nearly as much as Fenris.

It made her heart break. It made her heart ache.

How stupid was she?

She loved Fenris. She loved him so much that she wanted to crush him - to suffocate him with her desire. There was no one else.

Anders was not it. Anders was not the one for her.

It was silly to think that her fever was actually making her be more sensible and honest – but that was how she felt at the time being, and it couldn't have been closer to the truth of how she felt. If only Fenris knew...

"How are you feeling now?" Fenris' voice seemed so distant.

She jerked slightly at his touch once more, and realized that he had replaced her wet towel with another. His fading image from her field of vision only made her want to get up and look for him more. But as soon as she heard him in the bathroom, running the water in the sink, her heart settled down more.

"Your fever is getting worse, it seems." Fenris said when he returned. "Perhaps I should go fetch someone more capable..."

"No." Hawke's hand lunged for his fleeting arm, and Fenris was taken aback by her sudden movement. "Don't... don't go yet."

Fenris said nothing. He didn't even peel away from her grasp, for which she was glad.

"I don't want to be alone... with no one to talk to." She explained. "So let's... let's talk."

Fenris nodded and sat down next to her on her bed. Her grasp loosened, but did not leave him, for she was still afraid that he would leave her side again.

He was right – her fever was indeed getting worse. She could barely see a thing, and her body felt clammy and cold all over. She only hoped that this was not contagious. If it was indeed from alcohol and a battle wound, then her companions ought to be fine hanging around her.

After a few minutes went by, Fenris finally spoke up.

"Was there anything you wanted me to do for you, Hawke?"

"No..."

The awkwardness and the tension of the situation was stifling. She wanted to ask him, even scream out at him, and figure out what he and Isabela had done last night, but a voice in the back of her mind held her back. Maybe it was best if she didn't know. Besides, how would it even help her? It was none of her business. Period.

Fenris sat there next to her, not looking anywhere in particular. She stared at his awkwardness, hoping that their eyes would not meet, for then she would have to avert her eyes from the contact, and probably blush. Most likely. Her hand was still curled around his arm, though the grip was quite loose.

"Did the Qunari seem angry at you for what happened in Seheron?" She asked.

"I didn't tell them about it." Fenris avoided looking into her eyes. "I was about to, but I didn't. Like I said – I ran again. Like a coward."

"Don't say things like that." She said softly. "You are no such thing. Perhaps confused and not used to the freedom you just found, but not cowardly." She smiled, hoping he would turn his head to see, but he did not.

"I was afraid they would try to convert me as well, and take me with them." Fenris explained. "I may have been in battle with them before, but they are still formidable opponents."

"Trust me, I know." Hawke let out a groan as she sat up a little more. She readjusted the towel on her head. "This headache isn't helping me forget about it either."

"But you are the Champion of Kirkwall now." Fenris turned to look at her, and she saw something gleam in his eyes – sadness, regret, and the desire to repent. He was shaken up from his memories of the Seheron – his first act of defiance against Danarius.

"The title of 'Champion' does not sound like me at all." She shook her head. "It doesn't suit me. And I would have rather not indulged myself so much at the party."

Fenris chuckled. "At least it was fun though, right?"

She smiled and nodded. A silence ensued that allowed both of them to sink themselves into their thoughts long enough to pull out another empty subject to chat about. Anything _but _what they wanted to talk about in reality.

For Fenris, he still wanted the same thing – for Hawke to stay away from Anders. For her to stay away from any other man, in fact. But the idea of the latter had him feeling selfish and incredibly irrational. Hawke was past the marriageable age, and now would be the time of her life to chose a proper suitor. Even without all his baggage, could Fenris truly be her equal? He was a Tevinter fugitive, a former slave, and an elf.

For Hawke, she was eager to know what Fenris had said to Isabela – had they really gotten together last night? She was torn over knowing the answer, and just letting it be. She kept telling herself that it was not her business, but curiosity was creeping on the surface like oil in water. Looking down at her lap, she thought back on something that she had completely forgotten until now, and corrected herself aloud.

"The last time we spent time alone..." She said suddenly. "That was the night you came to comfort me about my mother."

"That is correct. What of it?"

"I never got to thank you." She told him. "It made me feel much better."

"I did not think I helped you as much as you would have liked." Fenris told her, his voice sadder. "I do not have much experience with such events, as you know."

"Nevertheless, I appreciated it." She said sincerely. "I was happy to have so many concerned friends to look out for my well-being."

"You have more friends than you know, Hawke."

"And you are one of them."

The words came out too fast that she could not take them back. As soon as she said them, however, her face twisted into a mix of emotions – confusion, regret, longing, and irritation. She did not mean what she just spoke of – well, she _did _in a way - but both of them also knew that they wanted so much more from each other. They were just unable to speak of it.

"That... is good to know." Fenris said, his voice suddenly strained.

Hawke's face had turned red as a tomato and she turned away from him.

"I... I hope this is not awkward." She apologized. "I merely... wanted to thank you, and to tell you that I'm glad you have stayed with me... even though we've had our past... differences."

Fenris did not respond. Both of them did not know what to say. The silence that filled the room returned once more, and all they could heart was the pounding of their own hearts. Hawke's hand no longer gripped Fenris' arm, so he could have left just like that. But in the situation before them, running was the last option.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked quietly.

Fenris slowly exhaled. "What to do to make you feel better."

_Why not tell me what kind of 'fun' you and Isabela were having last night. _Hawke thought.

"I am feeling much better now, thank you." She felt her heart leap two paces at a time, as if the time was going by too quickly. "H-How about you? Are you not suffering as well? Or did you – oh, I'm being silly, aren't I. You weren't being bombarded by the guests!"

Fenris let out a smirk from the corner of his lips and turned to look at her. Their eyes caught one another immediately. She looked at him eagerly, as if expecting something. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her hair slightly ruffled and messy.

"You were the guest of honor." He said. "Everyone wanted to congratulate you."

"I would have preferred to do it in my own way." She muttered. "Rather than be mobbed. I can't believe I drank all that alcohol! Good thing Anders brought me home safely..."

Fenris twitched at the mention of the healer's name. He moved his arm from beside Hawke and swallowed, ruffling his own hair to cool off. The mention of the mage's name made his blood boil furiously, and he did not want to listen to another word from Hawke about her... _boyfriend_.

"He should have been looking out for you." Fenris muttered. "What was he thinking letting you drink all that? Why wasn't he taking care of you?"

"He was," Hawke protested. Uh-oh. Here it comes.

"He most certainly was _not_." Fenris fired back, muttering under his breath.

"Don't start with this again, Fenris." Hawke pleaded, her voice begging. "I thought we were past this – I know you don't want me with Anders, but you should not-"

"Why you would even hang around that abomination is beyond me." Fenris said through his teeth. "He leaves you to deal with his revolutionary ideas, he makes you wait out in the rain, and he did not take care of you last night. So as far as I see it, neither will he in the future."

"Anders is a busy man. I am not the only one he is responsible for." Hawke retorted.

"I cannot believe that you would so furiously defend him." Fenris spat.

"What would you have done then, Fenris?" Hawke frowned at him angrily. "You were not there either! Do not make insults at Anders when you are the same!"

Fenris' fist inclosed on the fabric of her bed, ruffling them tightly in his palm as he drew close enough for their noses to touch. He then said in a low, angry hiss:

"_Do-not-compare-me-to-him." _

"Then do not make the hasty assumption that my lover is beneath you!" Hawke snapped. "Anders is very caring towards me, can you say the same? You are not the one I'm trying to date!"

Her words wounded him and they both knew it did.

Fenris paused, but did not leave her room. Instead, he stood up. When he spoke again, a few minutes had passed. His voice was a lot gentler and softer.

"I did not see you leave. Otherwise, I would have gotten you out of the pub when I saw that you had had enough to drink. I must have missed it whe-"

"That's probably because you were too busy oogling Isabela." She said bitterly.

Fenris' eyes flickered wide open, as if he did not expect her to have said that. Surely, he _knew _that she had seen them? Everyone had, she thought. Isabella was quite popular with the men, and Fenris knew that, didn't he?

"I did no such thing."

"That's not what I saw last night."

Fenris closed his eyes for a moment, as if thinking deeply or in mediation. This situation was not hard to unravel, in Hawke's perspective. She only wanted to know what happened, and she was sure she already knew the answer before Fenris spoke. It hurt her more than anything, and she had a feeling that it would even make her more sick.

"What you do in your spare time is none of my business." She said coldly. "Forget I mentioned it. I'm overstepping my boundaries."

"Oh? I was under the impression you had little boundaries." Fenris shot back.

"Excuse me, but who was the one who bedded Isabela, of all people?" Hawke raised her voice. "That pirate would offer herself up in exchange for anything!"

"She did _not _offer you to the Arishok yesterday." Fenris reminded her. "She could have run away with the tome, but she did not."

"You would defend her now? You're absolutely smitten with her, aren't you?" Hawke's voice was filled with jealousy and anger, and confusion. She knew she would hate herself later for this.

"That has nothing to do with it. Isabela is your friend, as well as mine."

"So is Anders!"

"That remains to be seen."

"You are the-most-_abominable-_man I've ever met!" Hawke said, throwing books near her bedside table at Fenris. The elf expertly ducked out of the way of the obstacles, and it only angered Hawke more. "Do not speak ill of my relationship with Anders!"

"Isabela is not anything close to Anders." Fenris said calmly. "She may not have a hint of honor, but at the very least she is not as conniving as the mage. I think you are the one who is smitten, Hawke. And you don't even know it."

"Anders and I have something _real_!" Hawke argued. "You can't even begin to know how it feels. You can't..."

"Isabela and I are just friends." Fenris explained. "Sleeping together does not mean that you are a couple. Besides, I thought you said it was none of your business?"

"You _made _it my business when you compared her and Anders together."

"I was not the one to bring it up."

Hawke could not even think of how this conversation started – or how it spun out of control so fast. All she knew was that Fenris was hurting her more than he probably knew right now. Images of him and Isabela in a room having sex in the Hanged Man made her heart pound, her eyes swell, and her blood boil – at them both. And herself, for allowing it to happen.

She was so angry she swore she could just tear up all the sheet around her into pieces. She wanted to scream at the top of her lung in frustration. But she had already made a fool of herself for the day.

"She _would _be perfect for you, wouldn't she?" Hawke looked away from him, bitter.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You would suit each other just fine."

"Stop that, Hawke." Fenris demanded. "You're being ridiculous."

"Am I?" She glared at him, her eyes watering. "Am I wrong in assuming that you're used to having one-night stands with other women?"

"That's-"

"I suppose if you two are together, then you'd most definitely make the perfect match. After all, you wouldn't need to think about commitment or the other person's feelings, am I right?"

"My relationship with Isabela has nothing to do with you, Hawke." Fenris warned her in a dangerously dark tone. "Do not make me out to be a demon devoid of feeling."

"Am I wrong?" She asked. "_Do you _have feelings?"

"I have more of them than you seem to."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing!" Fenris snapped.

"Are you implying that being with Anders shows I am a heartless towards your feelings?" She said with a light laugh. "You left me, yet forbid me to be with anyone else. How am I supposed to sit here and wait for you to come around?

He turned towards the door and started walking away. He didn't answer her question.

"I hope that your relationship with the abomination brings you to faraway places, Hawke."

The door slammed behind him loudly, leaving Hawke alone in her room.

* * *

Fenris did not come to visit for the next few days. In fact, he seemed to be busying himself with outside work that her other companions had been kept in the dark about. Varric had a suspicion that Aveline knew where the elf had gone. After all, she _was _the Captain of the guard, and she had eyes everywhere (Varric was not the only one).

It didn't matter though. As far as Hawke was concerned, she would have preferred for Fenris not to return to her again. She was, as predicted, embarrassed for her actions. She had acted out of turn – the green monster of envy had sprouted out from her heart and leaped aggressively towards the man she loved so desperately.

The idea of Isabela and Fenris together made her rile up inside, and confused Anders terribly when he asked her why she spent many of her night tossing and turning. She could only lie about it and tell him that she had a horrible nightmare, which turned out to be half truth most of the time. Fenris and Isabela now haunted her sleep endlessly.

Her leg took nearly a week to heal because her partying the night of her victory had made it significantly worse. However, she was up and running in no time with the help of her darling healer, and found herself in even higher demand than before. Nearly everyone in town found her reliable enough to entrust with even the largest of jobs. She found herself grateful, filled with pride, but also exhausted on most days.

As for the coming weeks with her and Fenris, they did not speak much. To her dismay, he and Isabela made their casual 'relationship' rather obvious to the party, as if it meant nothing at all to either of them. Isabela tried asking once more if Hawke was fine with Fenris and her maintaining their relationship, of which Hawke darted from both of their eyes (especially the olive pair), and nodded in a preoccupied manner. Nevertheless, she was still unhappy about it.

Yet if there was anything that could make her feel better, it was the idea that through all of her heart-wrenching drama, Anders was still there to accompany her. It made her feel bad that he did not know that she was secretly still harboring feelings for the elf. She felt as if she was wronging him in doing so.

But she never found the time to speak to him seriously about anything. He was still busy as ever, and his manifesto desperately needed revising. On top of that, the claim he had of finally finding a formula to cure him of Justice was serving more problematic than they thought. Anders had to decipher the abnormally long codex of which he found useful. Needless to say, it was taking him more time than usual, much to Hawke's dismay.

Yet she waited patiently for Anders to finish his working, hoping that someday he would find his answer, and that she would be there to help him.

* * *

Ten months later, on a warm afternoon in Kirkwall, Hawke found herself walking down to Darktown at a fast pace, as if she was in a hurry to go somewhere. She stared blankly ahead, like a woman on a mission, and made her way past the crowds of lower-class civilians, some of which gazed on her regal clothes with disdain. She preferred often not to go the route she had gone through today, but it could not be helped.

Anders had a urgent business she needed to tend to, and her heart pounded with excitement as she suspected what he was about to tell her. His letter asking her to come meet him was scribbled hastily and expressed an excitement to which she could only hope was for his cure.

Hawke burst into his clinic and looked around for the mage, her face flushed and her chest heaving with her fast pace. She scanned the room to find Anders with a sickly child.

"You got my letter then!" Anders turned to her excitedly as the child ran off.

"Is this what I think it is about?" Her voice sounded overly hopeful but she didn't care.

Anders nodded, and Hawke beamed. She threw her arms around him, catching the mage off-guard, and found herself jumping for joy on his behalf (Maker knows Anders would have never done it). She was quite alone in meeting him at the clinic on that afternoon. She had dismissed her crew to their usual leisure activities in hopes of talking to Anders alone. Having someone see her jumping for joy was the last worry on her mind.

In the span of the past ten years, not much had changed. However, she had forced herself to spend more time with Anders in attempt to get her mind off of other matters. However, she had surprised herself when she found herself bonding with the mage on a different scale.

He was intelligent, a quality that she admired deeply, and he was very sensitive, a quality that she felt a man of his position would not have openly admitted. But Anders did, and she liked it. They would often spend long hours in the night revising his manifesto. With her knowledge and schooling from her father and teachers back in Lothering, she and Anders made the manifesto longer than the mage had anticipated it would be, and even had them delivered to a well-received audience on several occasions.

"So now we can finally get this done and over with!"

Anders smiled at her and kissed her lightly on the forehead. His arms pulled her closer to him as he buried his nose in her sweet hair. His breaths were long and savoring, and his embrace became all the warmer as the minutes ticked by.

"I am glad to have you by my side when I make this huge step." He confessed to her. "I don't think I would have gotten this far without you, Hawke."

"Don't say that," She pulled away so that she could gaze into his eyes. "You are more than capable of doing this yourself. I hardly helped, in fact."

"You have _no idea how much _you've helped me, my sweet. I would have never mustered the courage to do this. I would have just kept running. I'm so glad to have met you." He paused for a minute and searched her eyes. "I love you, you know what?"

She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. But before she could say anything, she knew that she had to tell him something very important that she had wanted to confess for a long time. In fact, she was fairly certain that now was a better time than ever.

"Anders..." She said slowly. "I have something to tell you."

"What is is, my love?"

"I... I have a confession."

"Well," He let out a little chuckle. "I was never a follower of the Chantry, but if you insist..."

She pushed him playfully and continued. "I... Well, I've been thinking about how to tell you this for a long time, and to be honest I still don't know how to say it – but it's about me and Fenris."

"Fenris? I thought you two were done." Anders' voice became suddenly alarmed and Hawke could only imagine why.

"Oh no, Anders – nothing like _that _happened." Hawke said, thought she suddenly thought of a few kisses she and Fenris had shared prior to her dating Anders. "I just... I just wanted to tell you that... I'm sorry."

"For what?" Anders asked cautiously. "You didn't... cheat on me... did you?"

She shook her head, and Anders heaved a sigh of relief.

"I... Well, when we first started dating... I told you that I had a fling with Fenris." She bit her lip. "But the truth is, we still harbored feeling for each other for a while afterward. But it never amounted to anything! Just arguments!"

She added the last two sentences quickly when she saw Anders about to speak, his face confused and a little hurt. She could not bear looking at his sad eyes like that.

"So you still... love the elf?" Anders asked cautiously, his voice a little cracking.

Hawke sighed and shook her head. "Fenris is with Isabela, and I am with you. There is nothing more that needs to be explained."

Anders let a few seconds of silence pervade the air.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "You're not just using me to get back at him?"

"I was afraid." She confessed, her eyes darting away from his. "Back then, I wanted to give myself away to anyone. I hurt every day. I could barely even look his way without my heart aching. I was so foolish to think that he cared."

"But now?"

"You _know _everything is different now, Anders." She insisted. "I - I just wanted tot tell you because it was making me feel guilty. I felt very hurt when I found out that Isabela and Fenris had started seeing each other, but I've gotten over all of that now."

"How can I know you're telling the truth?" Anders asked. "And that you won't decide that you love Fenris instead?"

She approached him. "Because I'm willing to help you do _this_. I'm willing to drop everything I had today to come see you – I knew you needed my help. If this bothers you, I'm willing to do anything to make it up to you, Anders. Just tell me what you need."

She brought her face close to his, their noses touching. For the first time in a long time, her heart pounded because she knew that her next statement would true. She found herself possessing admiration and care for the apostate now. It had been approximately a year since they had first started going out. Though it was a bumpy ride, she was now sure that she did, in fact, care for Anders, just as he did her.

"I love you." She whispered.

Anders' lips curled into a smiled, and as their foreheads touched, he moved it to kiss her lips gently as first, and then more aggressively. His hands gripped her waist and pulled her close to him, while the other hand flew behind her neck.

His face felt rough and he smelled of his clinic, as usual. He tasted like wild cherries and jasmine herbs. His tongue twirled around hers, dancing. His hands, far larger than her dainty ones, were quickly tangling themselves in hers, and as she moved her hand towards his wide shoulders, she was greeted by the soft feathers from his spauldron.

When they pulled back, both were slightly out of breath, and her face was slightly rosy. Anders' hand did not leave her waist, and instead guided her over to his desk, where a pile of papers lay unsorted. He was rather untidy with his work.

"I'm glad you were the one to come help me, Hawke." Anders told her.

"Relieved almost?"

"Definitely relieved." Anders laughed.

"Will this really be able to help you get rid of Justice?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm sure of it."

"And if you don't mind me asking," She took the papers from him and scanned them. "I always thought that you were very embracing towards Justice. You didn't seem to mind that he was inside you. But now you seem different, why the change of heart?" She asked, her voice humorously sounding suspicious.

Anders shrugged and pretended to think. "Well, I think it had something to do with me meeting this lovely lady who managed to sweep me off my feet and change my mind."

"Oh, but I think _you _were the one who did the sweeping, dear Anders." She giggled.

"Well, let's just say it was me who did the sweeping, for the sake of Varric's future story." He chuckled. "It sounds better that way."

"Agreed." Hawke nodded. "And if I may, can I just ask you one more question?"

"Yes?"

""Why?" Her voice lowered into a more serious tone as she gazed into his eyes. 'Why did you choose me to be with?"

"Because," Anders greeted her eyes. "I think you can save my life."

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks you guys so much for reading! I love the reviews, so lease keep them coming! So... you know how I told you guys a ways back that I only update this and write it when my boyfriend is gone? Well, he's apparently going to quit his job in pursuit of something greater, which means that I might not be able to write as much as I hope to on this. I still have a lot of ideas coming up for it though, so if I get the chance, I'll definitely try to squeeze in a few chapters. They might be shorter than this one though. In regards to the story - I'm really sorry nothing really spectacular happens and that it is pacing along quite slowly. There will be a time jump soon though, so be prepared. We are heading up to Act III in the next chapter, hopefully.

**SPOILER (Kind of.) **Just to make sure - this is a Hawke x Fenris fic, so obviously we all know who she will end up with Just in case you guys thought otherwise.


	14. Seed of Doubt

**Summary Thus Far:** Fenris and Hawke had a one-night stand, leading to Hawke's relationship with the Anders. But Anders is usually not there for her when she needs it. On top of that, Fenris does not like that she is going out with the mage since he suspects that Anders is just using Hawke for his own selfish reasons. Fenris sleeps with Isabela to incur Hawke's jealousy, which Hawke mistakes as merely part of Fenris' nature. She feels like a fool for thinking Fenris wanted a serious relationship, and Fenris only wants to get Hawke away from Anders (though his own feelings are murky as well). Fenris doesn't want Hawke getting hurt because of his fugitive status and thinks a relationship will only further endanger her, a fact that she continually denies. To top it off, because of Fenris being with Isabela, Hawke further distances herself from the elf and convinces herself that she loves Anders, who needs her help to regain his former self, devoid of the spirit of Justice.

_At this point, Hawke has defeated the Arishok, become Champion of Kirkwall, is the story is about to leap ahead 3 years, to Act III. ~_

* * *

**Chapter 14: The Seed of Doubt  
**

* * *

_You can save my life._

When Anders uttered those words, she truly believed them.

In fact, she prided herself in being the one able to help a friend in need. Yes - lover or not, Anders was still her friend. The curse that prohibited him from being himself was more than a nuisance, and she had to help him take care of it. There was no way he could get it done alone. She needed to be there to push him along the way, and to support him.

So she tried very hard to help him – to the best of her abilities. Perhaps it _did _have something to do with him having a special part of her heart. She told herself that even though she would never love him the same way she loved Fenris, she would at least know that she was with someone worth the time and effort. Anders was just as important to her as any of her other friends.

But his potion was taking far longer than either of them had anticipated. There were a few stumbles down the road where they fetched the wrong ingredients and had to start over again, or even times when they would spend hours just deciphering the codex page alone. It was definitely no walk in the park for the two.

Yet in the span of three years, they had made substantial progress. In fact, the both of them were quite excited because Anders was _almost sure_ that his potion would be bubbling and complete very soon. Upon telling the rest of the party, all of their friends congratulated them.

"Bethany wanted me to tell you that she hopes that this will be the _last_ time you let a strange spirit from the fade join you!" Hawke told Anders as they laughed and at the long table in Varric's suite with all their friends.

The dwarf had been living large, as one would say. The table was filled with pumpkin pie, ale, roasted meats and assorted fruits. It was a celebratory feast, for Hawke had been rather busy since becoming the Champion and work was heavier than ever for her. On top of that, she also had to look out for Anders' reagents to gather in her spare time. Everyone else was busy with their own lives as well. This was one of the rare times where her team could spend time together as a group, and they decided to make a celebration of it.

"I'll just be glad once all of this is over." Anders smiled peacefully.

They raised their glasses for a toast, even Fenris, who had not spoke in favor or in contempt at the idea of exorcizing Justice from Anders. Merrill and Isabela sat on the right side of the table with Fenris in between them at the very end; Anders and Hawke sat across the table from Aveline and Donnic, while Varric took his usual seat at the end of the table, opposite of Fenris.

However, their table had one additional guest this time – a brother from the Chantry, Sebastian Vael, who had, until weeks ago, been ritually visiting the Chanter's Board and insisting on revenge for his parents, who had been brutally murdered by a close family friend. Despite the Grand Cleric's opposition, Hawke, being on duty, found his listing and completed it in no time. As a formal thanks, Sebastian offered his services to the Champion, and formally introduced himself as the Prince of Starkhaven.

Hawke smiled at the Prince, who did not take part in drinking alcohol with them. Instead, he fancied a cup of pumpkin juice instead, the contents of which were quickly emptying. Hawke poured him another cup, and took it upon herself to sample some. She didn't want to drink too much, for there was still work to be done tomorrow. Responsibility was catching up to her, and it didn't matter if she liked it or not - she still had tasks to be completed.

Sebastian was fairly serious about his religion, Hawke found, so she could not deny her disappointment in the prince's inability to partake in their fanciful celebrations. Even more so, she had a feeling his claim that the Chantry had made him a better man was only due to his honor for his family's traditions. She did not think that Sebastian truly lived for the Chantry – his family had forced him there, and now he had been molded into thinking that it had been beneficial to him.

She, for one, did not think it was helping Sebastian at all.

As she drank with the rest of them, her eyes caught the disheveled look of Fenris. He looked tired, weary even. She wanted to ask him if he had gotten enough rest, but then she thought against it - especially when Isabela, who was sitting next to him, leaned over towards the elf to talk.

"Why are you staring at me like that? Is it my eyes again?" Fenris asked her, inching away slowly from Isabela's face, which was far too close to him. "Your expression is almost disturbing, and you're far too close for my taste, pirate."

She smirked. "You're very lanky, for an elf." She winked; _she was clearly drunk_. "I like that."

"From what I gather, you like a lot of things." Fenris replied, shaking his head. This was almost a standard procedure.

"Nonsense. But when I see something I like, I go after it."

"Is that so?"

He looked at her calmly, not phased my her mental state at all. None of them were. By this point, the only one not used to it was Sebastian, who had insisted Isabela wear more clothing just a few days ago – a request that made Fenris and Varric laugh for days.

"We need more food here." Varric insisted as he look around the table. "You guys want some fish? I hear the harbor's gotten better in their sea-faring ways. They're got this huge one just sitting in the kitchen. I saw it when I peeked through the back door. How about it, huh?"

"Please, no." Fenris said quickly. "I'd prefer you not order anything of that sort."

"What's the matter? Broody can't stand a little fish?"

"I _hate _seafood." Fenris said with a passionate look in his eyes. He meant it - Fenris looked as though he was going to hurl. "It makes me sick."

"Oh, but how about sailing?" Merrill asked. "Do you like sailing?"

"How does that have anything to do with – oh never mind." Fenris rubbed his forehead as if Merrill were giving him a headache. "You confuse me." He told the Dalish elf.

"Well, I just thought that maybe you didn't like the seafood, because you don't like the sea. Does sailing make you sick too?"

"That would be a real shame." Isabela purred.

"No, sailing doesn't make me sick." Fenris said irritably. "It's not as if I'm eating the sea, Merrill."

"What about walking at the docks? Sometimes I see it when your eyes get a little glassy when we're near the sea. Is that because you're getting sick?" Merrill inquired.

Fenris sighed and shook his head. "I'm fine with the sea and the docks. I just don't like seafood. Can we _please_ move on to a different topic here?"

"His eyes get glassy when he's near the sea?" Varric leaned in closer, with a grin on his face.

Fenris groaned and leaned back in his chair, giving up. Isabela giggled and took the chance to lean in closer to the elf and stroke his hair. Her face flushed red and her hands reached out to him. Fenris made no advance to stop her, but just shook his head in forfeit. He was no match, it seemed.

"Maybe it was just me." Merrill shrugged.

"Or maybe Fenris is so touched by his life as a free man that the his eyes are shimmering in sheer awe of the fact?" Varric grinned, sitting back to stare at the elf.

"Is that going to be another line for your story?" Fenris asked.

"You guessed right, Broody." Varric pressed his hands together, grinning. "I can't help but spice my tales up with lavish details. My readers _are _anticipating an epic novel, after all. I can't disappoint them."

"No, you apparently can not." Fenris said in a sarcastic tone.

"So," Varric slapped his hands together. "How about another order of pumpkin pie and a round of ale, guys? What about you, Hawke? Or you, Choir Boy?"

Hawke stared at Varric and asked. "You _are _paying for this, right Varric?"

"I don't know, Champion. I'm under the impression that _you're_ the one with the highest salary here." Varric winked.

"Actually, that is not true." Hawke replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "I think it would be wise to say that Aveline has the highest family income."

"You best think twice if you're suggesting I pay for all this, Hawke." Aveline said as she stared at Isabela, who was now climbing over top of Fenris, sitting in his lap and giggling into his hair. "Or for people to get drunk and be... indecent."

"Aveline has an unfair advantage – she's married." Varric argued. "She and Donnic make the more than you _combined. _But not Aveline herself."

"I'd prefer to be kept out of this topic." Donnic added shyly.

"Well, if you wanted me to pay for the feast, you only needed to ask, Varric." Hawke joked.

"No, no, no, no, no – Don't misunderstand Hawke." Varric waved his hand before her to tell her to stop. "I was only trying to make a point."

"You mean argue with me?" She smirked.

"_No_, I mean making a point to say that you've gone up in the world. You've built yourself out of nothing! Why, when I first met you, you were only a-"

"Oh, not this again, Varric." Hawke laughed. "Flattering me again? You glorify me too much. I don't even think I can live up to it anymore."

"Ah, but that's the best part of the story." He winked. "And now that we've got the Prince of Starkhaven with us, the tale will be even better!"

"Best keep that on the low end of the tale, friend." Sebastian laughed uneasily.

"Not to worry, my prince." Varric said. "You can stay with us and we'll help you regain your throne! Besides, what hardship are there left? We've avenged your family, right?"

"Indeed, and I am grateful for that." Sebastian smiled.

"I tell you, tracking down that woman of yours... It was not easy obtaining that kind of information, kid. " Varric told him. "Good thing I've got ears _everywhere._"

"Trust Varric to get things done." Hawke told Sebastian, though it sounded more like an insult than a compliment. "He's got all the connections you need."

"Befriending the Champion, for example." Anders added.

"Hey, hold on for a minute Blondie. I was friends with her way before you even knew her!"

"You mean to tell me that you hadn't a clue that she was destined for greatness when you met her? And that you were just looking for a partner in your expedition?" Anders demanded. "You're lying. I don't believe that."

Varric laughed. "Don't be ridiculous. When I met Hawke, she was just a newcomer in my business. I thought I could just get the job done and over with, and me and Bartrand would be sailing somewhere else with our share of the riches by now." He paused. "It obviously didn't go that way."

"At least you will be able to sleep easier now." Hawke patted the prince on his back, wanting to change the subject. Varric did not want to talk about Bartrand, she was aware.

Sebastian laughed. "Yes, that is true. Thank you." He said. "I still can't believe that traitorous woman gave that demon my parents! They were friends!"

"Not friendly enough, I'll say." Varric muttered.

"I am glad you helped me get rid of her. It makes me sad to think that my family was betrayed by those so close to them..."

Hawke gave Sebastian's hand a squeeze. "You will always have our support. Be strong."

Sebastian nodded. "It's been very exciting working with you, Hawke."

"Are you for real?"

Varric cocked one eyebrow at him, and Hawke shot the dwarf a 'hey, now' look.

The prince shrugged. "It seems like she's involved every time something goes wrong in Kirkwall. I've never had so many opportunities to help people!"

Varric shook his head. "All right. I thought I was getting tired of moody. I take it back. You're making my teeth ache."

They laughed and the chatter continued as such. It was entertaining because they had not gotten together for months now, and this marked the first time Sebastian had joined them for a banquet. He had been well-received by most of the party, and he welcomed their healthy attitudes – even Merrill strangeness or Fenris sarcasm.

Though the rest of the night was no different than the usual gatherings they had, Hawke found herself sitting by a empty seat within the next hour. While in the middle of a round of Wicked Grace, Anders had informed her that he had been called back to clinic on urgent business, and Hawke was not one to tell him not to go for the sake of his patients. He was a healer, and his job was very important. She tried to be as forgiving and understanding as possible, though that did not mean she enjoyed being left behind.

"Blondie seems to be quite busy nowadays.' Varric slapped a card down on the table and watched Anders' shadow disappear from the pub doorway. "You and him still doing well together?"

"Why, do you have a crush on me?" Hawke chuckled.

"Hardly." Varric grinned. "For one, Bianca would be furious with me. For two, may I add that you're starting to sound more like Isabela?"

"You may _not_." Hawke told him. She shuddered at the thought and looked to her right. Isabela had moved on to cuddle with Merrill in her seat instead. The look on Fenris' face indicated that he didn't care in the least, which lifted Hawke's heart slightly - maybe.

"Don't worry about the elf and Rivaini," Varric whispered to her.

Hawke turned to look at him in surprise.

"Don't give me that look, I've known you more than any of these guys. I know what you're feeling more than you do yourself." He told her. "Trust me, the Rivaini and elf are nothing more than friends – and the occasional sleeping buddy." He added quickly.

"If you wanted to know, Varric," Hawke cleared her throat, not wanting to discuss further. "I was merely interested in how Isabela is still winning when she's got so preoccupied in poor Merrill."

"Beats me." Varric shrugged.

"It's because I play dirty, Hawke!" Isabela's voice came so close to her ear and Hawke nearly jumped out of her seat and stumbled back into Sebastian. She apologized profusely to the prince and gave Isabela a 'knock-it-off' look that the pirate clearly neglected, for the next thing Isabela skipped to was the prince himself.

"Sebastian, you don't need to be so afraid of me." She coaxed. "I'm only having a little fun."

Sebastian looked down at his cards, trying to focus. "You've been watching me all day, and you're doing the same thing now. It's getting a little... distracting." He told her, avoiding her eye contact.

Isabela giggled as she placed her hands around his spauldrons. "You know, Merrill's right. Your armor is shiny. I can see myself in it. Look!" She nudged Hawke to see, but Hawke only shook her head in embarrassment and shot Sebastian an apologetic look.

"Shit. Oh, shit. Is that a wrinkle? Is that a wrinkle between my brows?" Isabela started making strange faces towards Sebastian's shoulder and chest area. If anyone had walked in on them, they would have been very confused.

"Um. I don't see— "

"Hold still!"

For the remainder of the night, Isabela spent her time chasing down the prince in her drunken state. Their game of Wicked Grace was played without Isabela, and to Fenris' pleasure, he actually won the round. They then got into a heated debate on whether it would be mutually beneficial to not have Isabela play with them at all, to which Varric wondered aloud what the fun in that would be.

When Isabela finally settled down, they were in their fifth round of the game. Most of them were getting pretty tired, except for Isabela and Merrill, who had been in a drinking contest that night – Isabela won, of course. She collected her winnings and opted out of their card game, much to Fenris' relief. Instead, the pirate just sat and watched. Hawke had a feeling Isabela was trying to sober up.

"That night...I can't stop thinking about it..." Isabela said dreamily, her hand propped up under her chin as she stared past Fenris in a delusional state of mind.

"Well, then I'll see you later." He replied nonchalantly, counting the cards he just received.

Isabela snapped her head up from her daydreaming, surprised. "That was … direct."

"I thought I'd get straight to the point." Fenris shrugged as he watched Varric deal their cards. "Were you expecting flowers or something?"

Isabela leaned back to look at the hand he was dealt. "Don't be absurd."

"Then I'll see you later." Fenris repeated dismissively.

Their conversation was not that quiet, but even with all the chatter downstairs, and the strange discussion Sebastian and Merrill were having over the table, Hawke could still make up the words clearly. She was merely looking over her cards with Varric at the moment, but overhearing Isabela and Fenris' conversation had indeed not sat right with her – she felt strange, and awkward.

Meanwhile, Sebastian had taken Anders' seat in replacement of his awkward one in the corner of the table next to Varric and Hawke. He and Merrill, who now sat next to him, were talking.

"I don't get it. If your city was stolen, why didn't you just call the guards?"

"I'm afraid the matter can't be handled by guards, Merrill." He answered with a deep sigh.

"Oh, I know! Aveline could help you! She's very good at making thieves give things back. I think it's because she's so tall." Merrill talked as if she had thought of something great.

"This is beyond even Aveline's power, I'm sorry to say." Sebastian chuckled lightly.

"Are you sure? Have you seen her hit people?" Merrill asked, her face flushed.

"I can hear every word you're saying." Aveline reminded them. She rolled her eyes as her husband gave out a hearty laugh.

"What, did I say something wrong?" Merrill asked innocently.

"I think you've gotten too much to drink, Merrill." Hawke told her as she watched the petite elf take a sizable swig from her mug. _Man, was Merrill drinking tonight._

"But I thought that we were celebrating for Sebastian. Aren't we?"

"Well, I suppose unofficially we are." Hawke shrugged.

"That's my girl!" Isabela laughed as she joined Merrill in drinking. "Look at her go!"

"Isabela, don't encourage her!" Hawke insisted. "You already beat her at the drinking game!"

"Maybe she's hoping a drunk Merrill in bed would be fun..." Varric suggested.

"Varric!" Hawke turned to give the dwarf a look and hissed, "Don't give her any more ideas!"

"The idea was already there, sweetie." Isabela smirked. "I just needed to put my plan in action. But you guys did all that for me, huh?" She winked.

"You certainly do _not_ need to put any plan like that into action. Ever." Hawke argued, frowning. "Especially not with poor Merrill – she probably doesn't even know what she's getting herself into. Besides, think about how she'll feel tomorrow morning!"

"Well, that's part of the experience, honey." Isabela explained. "You've got to do it sometime in your life. Beside, when did you become such a spoilsport, Hawke?"

Hawke huffed irritably and ignored Isabela's query. It was like she was with a bunch of teenage children. She enjoyed having fun just as much as the rest of them, but Merrill was making her rather uncomfortable – perhaps it was because the elf was so innocent and Hawke did not want to see Merrill get sick. She had always felt a certain parental responsibility toward the Dalish elf. Then again, perhaps this was a sign that Hawke was ready to move on with her life?

"Does your bow have a name?" Merrill was asking Sebastian, her face leaned incredibly close to his. "Varric's bow has a name."

"It certainly does, and don't wear it out, Daisy." Varric grinned.

Sebastian laughed uneasily. "I'm afraid I can't compete with our dear dwarf's... relationship to his weapon."

Merrill jumped up suddenly, alerting the whole table. "Oh!~ You could call it Philomela!" She said excitedly, still jumping.

Sebastian's eyes had widened due to Merrill's erratic motions. "W-why would I do that?"

"Because it reminds me of a woman in the alienage. Skinny, pointed, and always throwing things at people."

"I don't think naming his bow that would be mutually beneficial." Varric suggested.

Hawke sat down in surrender, shaking her head.

"Well, I say we're all set." Varric said loudly for all of them to hear as he put his cards down on the table once more in victory. "I wish Blondie hadn't left, or I would've made even more coin today."

Hawke seconded his statement, as she felt isolated at the moment. It was not fun without Anders near her, and she had a feeling it was because she had longed to be with him for many hours of the day. Her favorite times included spending her free hours with him at the her home, and at the clinic. She didn't even mind that it smelled of blood, herbs, and bandages anymore. To her surprise that year, she noticed that she and Anders were becoming more and more of a couple. It delighted her to think that, of course. She had wanted to move on with her life, and keep the drama to a minimum.

"No more for me." Isabela exclaimed as she set her cards down. "This pirate has a date."

Everyone turned to look at her.

"At the Blooming Rose of course."

And then a sigh of relief came from the rest of them. It was funny to think that it was natural for a woman to enter the Blooming Rose. But if anyone knew Isabela, that would be more than normal for her. A date, on the other hand...

"That's probably not a good idea." Hawke told the pirate. "You can't even walk straight."

"That's what will make it more fun, Hawke!" Isabela giggled.

"Can I come? I want to come along too!" Merrill got up.

"No, you don't." Hawke stopped the pouncing elf immediately. "Definitely not."

"Oh!" Merrill's eyes suddenly lit up. "That reminds me! I've got this new chair in my house that you've _absolutely_ got to see! And outside my home, there's this strange plant growing!_ Oh, you've absolutely have got to see it!_" She insisted, tugging on Hawke's sleeve.

Hawke rose and gave in to the bouncing elf. At least the subject had changed. Merrill's attention span was absolutely astonishing. Varric thought it was rather humorous, and told Hawke that they ought to have Merrill drink more often. But Hawke shot Varric a look that said 'never again', and then let herself be lead by the elf and Rivaini down the stairs.

"I think we should probably get going too. It's getting late." Aveline stood up with her husband.

"I suppose now that they girls are gone, it's no fun anymore." Varric sighed.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Aveline rose her eyebrows at him.

Meanwhile, Hawke was fumbling down the step of the Hanged Man because Merrill and Isabela were going far too fast for her interest. Fortunately, Isabela stopped at the bar to order one last drink to gulp, and started getting hit on by a rather gangly man at the bar, a delay for which Hawke was grateful for. She didn't want to be seen going to the Blooming Rose at this hour. Or Ever.

"Why do they call the Blooming Rose a brothel?" Merrill was wondering aloud. "Does it even have anything to do with Broth?"

Hawke sighed for the umpteenth time and as she turned, she saw the rest of the gang leaving Varric's suite as well. The dwarf waved at her goodbye and she could only smile, for Merrill's grip was prohibiting her from doing anything else with her hands.

"Let's go together!" Merrill said as she grabbed Fenris by the arm. "I have to show you how nice my home is! Please come with me! You must!" She begged him.

Fenris looked at her in disgust. "Me? Go to the place where elves are segregated and made slaves? No thank you."

But Merrill insisted on him coming along, and Fenris could not get out of her grip, especially after she leaned over him, waving goodbye to Sebastian, her cheeks flushed into a rosy pink color. She had him and Hawke in her tight grip, and they were being dragged out the door in no time.

"Remind me never to let Merrill get this drunk again." Hawke shook her head as Merrill leaned up on Fenris, giggling. "This is horrible."

Merrill tugged on her sleeve and away they went.

"Why Hawke, I thought you were the one who was glad to have been able to get all of us together! It was a celebration, wasn't it?" Isabela asked as they exited the Hanged Man.

The Pub was not as stifling as they thought when they were inside for a few hours, but once they exited the place, they became instantly reacquainted with the cool breeze and open air outdoors. Even in Lowtown, where the sand made the air dirty and there was an odor of old clothing all over, the air was crisp and cool.

"Off we go!" Isabela stumbled up the steps.

"Merrill needs to go home." Hawke insisted.

Isabela stopped her trek up the stairs and paused, then came down and tagged long in her drunken stupor. Fenris and Hawke each took Merrill by the arm and started dragging her down to her home. It was a particularly long trek, especially having Merrill becoming more and more limp as they walked. She was bordering on sleep, and her babbling made less sense by the minute. Hawke was only glad to be getting this done now instead of later in the night.

By the time they got to Merrill's home, the Dalish elf was already asleep in their arms, and Fenris had her on his back as Hawke opened the door to her alienage home. Merrill was set down carefully, and Isabella pulled the blanket over her. They quietly moved around her home.

"She's going to have such a headache tomorrow." Isabela shook her head and turned to the other two. "Well - Good thing I won't be here to see it."

Hawke sighed and walked with her. Fenris was already walking towards the door outside when the girls joined him. He wore his usual scowl, though it seemed plenty intensified with him being in the alienage. Being a former slave and a passionate supporter of the elven freedom, it went without saying that he did not like being here one bit.

"This was where we first met you!" Isabela exclaimed, giggling at him. 'You showed up right here-" She pointed. "And did that fisting thing for the first time! I'd never seen anything like it!"

"I'm glad you were amused." Fenris said with little enthusiasm. He only walked faster out of Lowtown, and Hawke followed behind him.

It made her think back on when she had first encountered the elf, and she was suddenly very nostalgic. It made a smile creep on her face to think back on their first meeting. In fact, her walk towards the Blooming Rose initiated a walk down memory lane where she recounted the first time she met each of her companions, the most recent of which was Sebastian.

"Good night, you two!" Isabela winked and waved as she disappeared behind the red door, leaving Fenris and Hawke in the night.

It was slightly awkward because in the span of the past three years, not much had changed between them. In fact, Fenris had talked to Hawke about her relationship and his own several times, but each time had led to an argument, or a awkward moment where they just left things unresolved and walked their separate ways. Nothing was ever solved between them.

However they had, more or less, started to be more comfortable around each other. They did not talk about their love lives often, but got along in public just fine. It was kind of a silent and mutual agreement, where both had realized that if they avoided the topic, no yelling would be involved. Hawke became more apathetic towards Fenris' 'relationship' with Isabela, and Fenris said little of her living with Anders. It was a 'agree to disagree' type thing.

But on this starry night back to Hightown, back to their respective homes, the two found little to talk about. Fenris especially seemed bothered about something, and was scowling quite often throughout their trek home.

"What is the matter?" Hawke demanded finally.

"Nothing."

"That is a lie." She almost laughed at him.

"You would not be interested in hearing about it."

"That depends. What is it about?"

"Your helping the mage obtain this antidote that might cure him." Fenris stated rather directly.

She froze. Again? The last time they talked about this was nearly two years ago, and she was under the impression that they were over talking about their respective lovers. If this was going to be another argument, she was _not_ in the mood.

"What about me helping him?" She said defensively, despite her desire not to argue with him.

"It is nice that you are helping him."

"Are you being sarcastic?" She didn't know whether to applaud or be offended.

"No."

"Am I supposed to believe that?"

"Believe what you want to, Hawke."

Their walk up the stairs to Hightown was silent. It did not bode well with Hawke that Fenris was unhappy with her – again. Most of the time it was for reasons unknown. She had become used to his fits of rage and her confusion – she just shrugged most of it off because it no longer mattered. But what gave him the right to be so pissy all the time? Did she, Hawke, not deserve to do the same?

"What is wrong with me helping Anders?" She demanded after a few minutes. "You would rather see him be cursed his entire life?"

"He does not seem cursed to me at all." Fenris answered. "And you know that I would like to see him as I would like to see any other mage – stripped of their powers because they're a danger to us all. Especially you, Hawke."

"Maker's mercy, Fenris! I thought we were over this!" She pleaded. "We haven't been talking about this for years! Why bring it up now?"

"Because your happiness is deluded, and because you think you are helping the mage, when he is plotting something far greater under your nose!"

"Why do you always insist on thinking ill of Anders? You have no proof!"

"The proof is there when you look at the big picture, Hawke." Fenris stopped to turn around and face her. She almost ran into him but stopped herself. "But you are too busy looking into his fake personality and shining eyes to see it."

"I'm looking into _your _eyes right now." She fired back. "And all I see is hatred and jealousy. You only say these things because Isabela and yourself do not have anything remotely similar."

"That is far from my worries, Hawke." Fenris frowned. "This has nothing to do with Isabela, though it has _everything _to do with you."

"Oh?'

"I'm just warning you to be careful."

"Aren't you always?" She asked bitterly.

"Do not talk to me as if I am the villain." He warned.

"Then what are you?"

Fenris looked into her eyes and remained silent. He exhaled deeply and turned away from her.

"I am merely a friend, who wishes for the safety of another friend."

"Is that so?"

Fenris looked down on the ground and stared at his toes, and the dirty floors of Hightown.

"You will not understand." He told her.

"Not understand what?"

"The reason why I am so sure Anders will betray you."

"Try me."

"You are just a pawn in his game." Fenris turned to look her straight in the eyes, his expression more serious than ever. "You are _nothing_ to him. He may say things to make you think otherwise, but he is using you for a fouler purpose. I am sure of it because I can see it in his eyes."

His words hit her like icicles, right in her heart. He was doing this on purpose to hurt her. "I've heard all of this before, many times." She reminded him, highly irritated. "You want to poison me with words so that I will run away from him. I understand that."

"No, that is not it."

"Am I wrong? This is all about getting me to leave Anders."

"You are wrong. That is not the reason. Granted, I prefer you do not tangle around with any mages, period – Anders is different. He is sinister, and I can tell from the way he sees you – not as a person, but as a tool. _He is not what he claims_."

"He is a healing mage, and I'm pretty sure of that." Hawke's brows furrowed. "There is nothing he wouldn't do to help any of us."

"That concoction he is telling you about may all be a lie." Fenris told her. "But do not bother wasting your time with me – do as he tells you and you will see."

"What I _see, _Fenris, is that you're being ridiculous!" Hawke snapped. "Just admit that you are jealous! My relationship Anders may have started out to be a game between us, but I have since apologized to him about it. You are just sulking because you _know_ that there is a very strong possibility that I am in love with him!" She yelled.

"_Do not -_" Fenris' face glowered in warning towards her, as if she had just spoke of the unspeakable. His tattoos started to glow, and his eyes turned into an unusual light blue against their light. "_Do not ever _speak of his name and a word of 'love' until you see what happens after he is done using you for his science experiment."

"Fine!" She hastily replied. "Since you seem so intent in thinking that this potion he is brewing is all a lie, then I will prove you wrong. After all of this is over, I expect a apology from you for being such an jealous ass."

She turned on her heel, determined to have the last word, and angry because she did not want to believe a word Fenris had just said. He had planted a seed of doubt against Anders within her, but she was determined not to let it sprout. Fenris was wrong – Anders may have wanted Justice to merge with him once upon a time, but after their relationship blossomed, Hawke was sure that the Anders of the past was no longer in existence. She had managed to change his ideas around, and Anders had informed her of her impact on him several times.

If Anders was playing around with her, he was certainly good at it.

She felt Fenris' metal claws snaked around her arm, and she turned to look him dead in the eye. His tattoos were no longer glowing. Her breathing stopped for a split second, and for the first time in years, she noticed that his hair had grown longer since they first met. Granted Fenris had gotten frequent haircuts, he suddenly looked different than she remembered. For one, his eyes were clouded in a sadness that she wished immediately she hadn't noticed. Her heart twisted so quickly it hurt her chest.

"Jealousy has nothing to do with what I just said, Hawke." Fenris stepped closer to her and his fingers flew up to touched her cheek. It sent chills down her spine. It had been a long time since he had laid his hands on her. She almost forgot how much of an effect he had on her. "Though I will deny how my heart feels about you and the mage. It tears me so - I've never felt so tortured in my life."

"W-what do you mean?" Her voice died down the yelling and returned to normal.

"Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever done." He told her quietly as she stared into her olive eyes. "I cannot tell you how much I regret it."

"_What?"_ She stared at him, her heart thumping, her chest leaping, and her eyes wide. "But you told me that you could never – that you and I would never be ..." Her voice trailed off, and her mind turned to mush. _This effect he had on her – she missed it._

"I'm no perfect person, Hawke. There are many things I wish I did not do, that I did not say. I have my regrets, as do you. But believe me when I say that I am continuing to learn how to live this life. I know it sounds strange to you, but I just need time... more time to get used to this... this freedom."

He let go of her arm gently. The pressure died down slowly.

"Fenris," She stared at him and whispered. "I told you years ago that we could work it out. But you denied my request and we have yet to solve what happened."

"I am aware."

_Don't say it like that. _She thought in her mind. _It will only give me hope. And I've had enough of that from you. I don't want it. Ever again. _Even through argument, or anger, she would have him deny her, because if he was saying what she thought he was saying, problems would arise. That was why they could not be together. Not now. Not ever. She had a perfect life awaiting with Anders. Why complicate things? No, she would not have Fenris creeping up to ruin things now.

"In fact, as I recall..." Her voice quivered. It seemed that she was trying to convince herself instead. "You sought out Isabela instead! If I had known you were just looking for a woman to bed I would have never offered you myself!"

"Hawke, you've misunderstood!" He sounded alarmed that she thought that. This had, indeed, gotten out of hand for him. "I.. I was angry at you. Desperate, even."

"Angry? For what purpose? _You _dumped _me_, remember?"

"You went out with that abomination – even when I had told you not to. What do you expect me to do? I needed to get you away, so I thought ..." He sighed deeply and shook his head, as though this was not what he was trying to say. "I was merely looking out for you... because I care." The last part fumbled out from his lips uneasily, as if he was trying to restrain himself.

"Anders _cares _for me too, Fenris, and Anders _never_ left me."

"That is not true. You will know about it soon enough. I am telling you right now, Hawke – I am sorry about that night years ago - you know I am. But trust me on this _one _thing, if nothing else."

His voice at the end turned to low and gentle. He was practically begging her - He was being sincere about this apology. But Hawke was confused. She did not know what it meant. Was Fenris trying to get back with her? Is this his way of telling her that he is serious about her? That he would try again? Wasn't it a little too late for that now? After all, it had be _three years._

"It's been three years, Fenris." She said firmly. "Whatever you are trying to do with my mind, it will not work. I do not like your mind games, and I don't appreciate you speaking ill of Anders."

"Hawke, you _know _that your relationship with the mage will never work." Fenris told her. "You know that, deep down, a part of me speaks the truth."

"Do I, now?"

Fenris paused for a second, thinking about what to say, and how to say it. There was no way to make it seem better, no matter how he said it, his heart would ache.

"... I understand," He said quietly, looking away. "If there is no other way to reconcile this, and if you no longer have feelings for me, or want to be with me, then I at least want… I just wanted you to know that I have never... I have never stopped caring for you, Hawke."

"We are beyond the point of reconciliation, Fenris."

"I see. Then I am sorry that I hurt you. If it is something I must live with everyday, so be it. I thought it would be best if I apologized for all the pain I put you through; I never wished that upon you. I hope that you will forgive me, and understand."

Hawke looked away from his gaze, unable to think straight while entranced. It had been a long time since any of this happened. She and Fenris had not had such a serious discussion for a long time. His speech touched her heart; she could not deny it. But the truth of it was - she was actually enjoying herself more because she had been getting along with him in between Isabela and her dating Anders. Now it was destroyed, and she felt a certain contempt for Fenris because he had ruined their 'friendship', which seemed very much like a lie now.

"I am sorry, Hawke." He told her once more. "I wish I could take it all away. I want to be th-"

Fenris let stopped and swallowed. He let out a breath of air from his lips and thought long and hard. Had he not prepared this all night? Had he not seen Hawke across the table and realized that she was lonely? And had he not seen Anders and shivered when he thought of the mage using Hawke for his own twisted purpose? Did he not resolve to himself that tonight would be _the _night?

"We are just friends now, Fenris."

Hawke trembled to say those words. She wanted to be _more _than friends, of course. Her ideas from three years ago came rushing back in, and her delusion with Anders seemed to be shattered. She wanted a lot more. She wanted Fenris. But her heart told her that she would be betraying the mage in doing so. But the look in Fenris' eyes was too genuine to distrust. Oh, how she longed for him to take a bite of her heart...

"As your friend then," He cleared his throat. His voice sounded terrible strained, and she knew he was forcing himself to utter the words: "I just wanted to warn you once more. And... and I hope you find the happiness you desire, whomever it will be with."

"Good night, Fenris."

She spoke in a confident tone, though she was still quivering. The thought of Fenris and his new confession alone was enough to make her sigh heavily as she turned on her heels towards her mansion. She knew she would not be able to sleep that night.

As she walked away, Fenris gazed at her hazel locks of hair that fell perfectly below her shoulders. He turned opposite direction of her, and started walking to his home, hoping that he could down at least one more bottle of Aggregio for the night. In his eyes, she had never been so beautiful; his desire for her was unquestionable. He felt empowered by it even. If he had the chance, he would tell her everyday. He would kiss her everyday, hold her everyday in his arms...

But he didn't have the chance. He never would. Not anymore, at least.

* * *

The house was empty when she returned. Bodahn and his son were asleep, and she tried doing so herself. But Anders did not return until late, and she was still awake when he did, startling the mage. When asking her why she was still awake, she lied and told him she was unable to sleep due to the lingering loud noises in her head from the pub. Only with Anders did she sleep peacefully that night.

But after waking up the next morning, she did not forget her and Fenris' discussion. It made her heart twist into a knot. It made her head hurt, and her knees weak. She was confused, sad, and angry.

It felt as if things had officially ended between Fenris and herself a long time ago – but last night she seemed to be the one who had made it official. She told herself that it was just another loose end that she had finally cut off – and that Fenris was just filling her mind with tricks that would make her distrust Anders.

"_You know that, deep down, a part of me speaks the truth."_

Fenris' voice constantly echoed within her head all day, and she tried hard to shake it off.

Little did she know that thing would soon be spinning out of her control.

* * *

A little bit into the afternoon, Hawke had stopped working in pursuit of helping Anders, whom she had promised she would lend a hand in his project. She walked briskly to his place, telling herself not to think of anything Fenris had told her the night before. She told herself that if she allowed herself to fall victim to his poisonous words, she would be betraying Anders.

Her fingers played with the wooden instruments on Anders' desk. Her thoughts, twisting around in her mind, served only to make her more confused, and her head ache. What she had with Fenris years ago... that was over. Officially now.  
She had thought it was over a long time ago, even before last night. But the fact that Fenris had mentioned it, after months of their mutual silence to disregard the topic, made the loose end she thought was tied up become loose once more. It gave her hope, and she didn't want that. She didn't _need _it. Not now.

"There is one more thing I need of you, my love." Anders was asking her, his gaze shifted away from her.

She came back into reality and smiled at him. He had been asking her for help all this time because he trusted her, and because he needed her help. There was nothing that Hawke wouldn't do to help relieve Anders of the pain he was suffering, all at the behest of Justice.

"I can't tell you why, but I must get inside the Chantry - without being seen. Will you talk to the Grand Cleric for me? Distract her long enough for me to do what must be done?"

What? No. This idea seemed crazy. What was he thinking? Where did this idea come from? She didn't sign up for this.

However he phrased this, it sounded bad to Hawke, and she was trying to be understanding. But she couldn't shake off the bad feeling she had about this. She was never one for the Chantry, and she certainly was not about to go prancing around suspiciously. She may be his lover, but not even for Anders would she go against the powerful Chantry.

It made her heart jump suddenly when she realized how fast she changed her mind, and her heart. It scared her, even.

_Curse you, Fenris._

"What exactly are you plotting?" She asked hesitantly.

"You would not thank me if I told you."

"Then why help you at all?" She said angrily. For one, she hated it when he became so secretive, and Anders knew it. She told him several times already, and each time she always knew it was something bad waiting to happen. The only times when Anders' secrets were any good happened to be when it dealt with her birthday gifts or surprise parties, to which she would hate herself for ruining the surprise. For two, she hoped desperately that Anders was not doing exactly what she had been warned of. _She hoped to the Maker, whom she didn't even follow._

"If you support the freedom of mages, then help me." Anders said firmly.

"You can't keep using that as incentive to force me into helping you." She told him. "You _know _I support the freedom of mages. But there are different circumstances for each case, and I need to know what you're doing _before_ I decide to help you!"

"I can't do that, Hawke."

"Anders, _do not_ keep me in the dark!" She raised her voice.

"Sorry, but that's all I can say."

Anders looked away again, refusing to speak another word on his plans. This irritated her to no end, and she felt like denying his request. If she knew any better, she would have. But if this had to do with Justice finally being dealt with, and it was something that Anders was certain of, then she would have to trust him on this. After all, he was probably just going to read some books at the Chantry that might help, perhaps take a few alchemical reagents from them. if that were the case, she wouldn't mind at all. After all, it wasn't as if it would hurt anyone, right?

She sighed irritably. "Fine. What do you want me to talk about?"

"Food? Weather? What does it matter?" Then Anders paused and his eyes lit up. "No – talk of mages. Give her one final chance to hear what we have suffered - to pick a side. Perhaps she'll be more inclined to hear what you have to say."

"Final chance?" She asked. "Is the Grand Cleric going to die? Are you plotting her death?"

She found the humor often made her feel a lot more relaxed when dealing with tense situations. But after a few seconds of silence, she lowered her eyes to his and made straight eye-contact with him. He was being serious.

"What is it that you don't want me to see?" She demanded. She wasn't stupid enough to blindly go in before squeezing every bit of information she could out of the mage. _Or was she?_

"Do you believe in me, love?" Anders evaded her question, she took note. "Do you believe that mages deserve to live free of the Templars' grasps?"

"Of course, but-"

"Then trust me."

"I thought this was about you getting rid of Justice from your body!" She exclaimed.

"It _is,_" he reassured. "I only need a little help from you. Why won't you trust me?"

"I just want to know what you're doing.' She argued. "I want mages to gain respect and freedom more than anyone, but-"

"Then trust me _now_." He pleaded. "I'm doing _only_ what is necessary."

Her thoughts weighed her down suddenly, and she felt as if a heavy weight had plummeted down to her stomach. She was hit by the revelation of a new idea behind what Anders was plotting – an idea that was not too glorious, and not at all what she thought. _Has Fenris been right in warning her?_

"Was this... ever about you and Justice?" She asked slowly, hoping that he would answer her truthfully. "Or … have you lied this entire time?"

"I lied." He said simply. "There is no potion."

A stinging slap landed across his face and she glared at him with tearing eyes. Her hand stung, but it didn't matter. She was crying because she couldn't believe her ears, and she was angry because she _let _herself be persuaded by this man. Sweat dropped down the sides of her face as she realized her greatest fear was right. She was helping Anders plot something sinister – and she had no idea what it was. Was it too late? Could she really even help him come back into reality? He was bordering on insanity.

It was never about separating himself from Justice. The Anders that she knew back in the past was still the same person now, standing before her. In fact, he was probably even more deluded, and insane. He was secretly planning something, and she found herself afraid to ask.

"I suppose I deserved that." Anders muttered as he massaged his cheek, now swollen into a light red. "I didn't mean to lie. I knew you would never agree to help me if I hadn't-"

"All I've got to say-" She heaved at him. "Is that this better be for a good purpose, Anders. You should be glad that I'm still on your side after this!"

She watched Anders swallow nervously, and then he turned to shuffle around some papers. By the time he turned around, she had wiped away her tears and was still glaring at him profusely.

"What we've gathered will bring freedom to more than just me and Justice. It will help free all the mages of Thedas." He explained. "In the face of that, one lie means little."

_It means a lot if I'm the one you're lying to. _She thought bitterly.

The fact that he had lied to her wounded her greatly. Moreover, she was beginning to feel her disillusioned surroundings fade away. She could see his inner self surfacing. Was this really the Anders she knew? He had lied to her and _used _her for something that he wasn't even going to explain. Had they not been together long enough for her to earn his trust? Or did he simply ever trust her to begin with?

"I'm not here to listen to your excuses." She hissed. "What do you need me to do?"

She was hesitant to know, or to even follow through with this. With his personality as it was, she was afraid that even without her help, he would find a way to get what he wanted. His passion for his goals were commendable, she noted, but this was not the way she wanted things to be.

"You surprise me again, Hawke. I'm glad these years spent ranting haven't been in vain."

"Don't get too used to it." She snapped back, making sure he knew of her wrath.

He only reacted to this with a weak smile. Even if she was angry, he knew there was little she could do to stop him. There was a mutual understanding.

_I will find out what this is all about. _She told herself. _I will not let anything bad happen._

"I promise whatever happens will be one my head. It will not come back to haunt you." He said, looking into her eyes. "Go to the Chantry. Talk to the Grand Cleric. I will join you when I'm done."

She nodded, determined to get to the bottom of this, and if possible, stop whatever Anders was planning. Nevertheless, she cursed at herself the entire way there. Once again, she found herself in a awkward position. She could not believe she was doing this – neither could she believe she was _letting _Anders do this. She had no idea what he was planning, but she knew that he was up to no good. She cursed at herself for walking all the way to the Chantry, she cursed at Anders for the person he was now, and she even cursed at Fenris, for planting such seeds that had sprouted in her heart. The elf's suspicions had all become true.

_How did she not notice until now? Did it always take such surprise and drama for her to realize how stupid she had been? And how disillusioned she was? _

She had finally taken a step back to realize it all.

Anders had changed in the years they had been together. He had changed drastically, in her experience. The once loving and caring Anders had become drained in work, rants, ploys to get mage recognition, and neglected to see her when she desired a companion the most. He had become unreliable, irritable, and beyond any help she could offer.

At this point, she would rather be a part of his dark plan than to let himself run rampant in Kirkwall trying to get inside the Chantry. At least she was still a part of his scheme. At least she still had a chance to save _something_. This way, she might be able to uncover more, she told herself. _And stop him._

"I'll come find you when I'm done." Anders whispered to her as soon as they stepped inside the empty Chantry building. His arm snaked around her for a split second, and she wanted to wriggle it away instantly. Ander smiled warmly, and this time her heart did _not _melt. "Thank you." He said with a lingering look, and then left in the opposite direction.

He left towards the East wing, and meanwhile Hawke found herself the Grand Cleric to talk to about nonsensical things, and mages. It was silly for her to even try, when she knew of the Chantry neutrality. She, for one, agreed that the Chantry should not be involved in any political rallies. She knew before she even tried, that the Grand Cleric would not be swayed to side with the mages. Hawke understood her eminence's point of view, and expressed her gratitude in knowing that the Chantry would stay out of Kirkwall's growing heated debates. Hawke knew she was supposed to help Anders persuade the Grand Cleric, but she knew that the elderly woman had long since made up her mind.

Anders would be slightly disappointed, had he not anticipated the Chantry's neutrality. At least, the old Anders would have been. This new Anders, the one she had not taken notice of until now, would not care – nothing could get in his way, and if there was anything that scared her the most – it was knowing that even Hawke herself could not stop him.

When Anders came back to find her, her majesty the Grand Cleric found it fit to tell Anders that he seemed troubled, and that she hoped that he had found solace and comfort in the chantry. Anders merely bowed his head, smiling, and Hawke left with him to his clinic once more.

It made Hawke shudder to suddenly think that perhaps Anders _was_ _indeed_ planning to kill the Grand Cleric. But this idea was quickly wiped off her mind. If Anders' purpose was to kill her, then he would not have waited so long to do so. No, it had to be something else. Something that the Cleric must not know about.

She was eager to hear what had happened.

Anders had been beaming for a while since they got out of the Chantry doors. They did not even talk to Sebastian as they left, though Hawke waved to him, hoping that Sebastian did not pick up on the fact that she was miserable.

* * *

"I cannot tell you how good it feels for a spirit to fulfill its function." Anders exclaimed as they burst into his clinic, his fists poised in victory.

She didn't know what to say. She had rarely ever seen Anders like this. He seemed carefree, and _happy_. Had her ideas been silly all along? Had he really rid himself of Justice after all? No, he had told her that this was _not _what it was about.

"The waiting is over." Anders beamed, looking down at the ground, immensely pleased with himself. "I am finally seeking Justice, and he is exalted! There is no ecstasy humankind can feel to match!"

"Are you going to tell me what you did?" Hawke asked, trying not to sound overly eager.

"You are Kirkwall's Champion. You can better aid our cause in that role than aligning yourself with me right here." He smiled at her.

And so she felt suddenly horrid again. He had done something that made him feel sure of the guarantee of mages. And the only thing she could think of him doing was something ... incredibly stupid. Whatever it was.

"Whatever you're doing. It's not worth your life." She reminded him.

"Oh it is." He corrected her, his gleeful voice oddly chilling. "One human life is a small price for freedom. Don't despair for me, love. This is what I was born to do. The war will happen. The clock is ticking down and the finale will come soon enough."

The idea made her shudder, and she wanted to shake him into telling her the truth. He was definitely making things sound far worse than they seemed. And this was not something she wanted to Anders trying to commit suicide? Had he become _this _insane down the line? Was there nothing she could do that couold stop him? What did she have to do in order to free him from himself?

The worst part was that she had never seen Anders so delighted. It was morbid, and it made her shudder at every thought.

Moreover, she had taken part in his scheme willingly.

_Damn it all. _She thought.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank everyone for reading all of this, and thank everyone for being so patient and supportive of me. I decided to roll out another chapter, and this one begins the deterioration of Hawke and Anders' relationship. (You know what that means *wink* - Fenris will be back in no time!)

To tell the truth, there is a reason why I add the 'Summary' and the Chapter titles denoting when there will be smut (if you hadn't noticed, SURPRISE!). It's because I have a hard time following up all on all the stories that I read myself, and because (let's be honest here), I enjoy reading smut perhaps even more than writing it - so don't blame me if I want to speed things up and run right to the juicy bits when reading other fanfics. I know I'm not the only one here! _So, you're welcome guys. XD_

Also, did any you notice the new image/cover? I got it from Louvette at DeviantArt! Please check out the artwork! Louvette has more awesome (and naked) Fenris/Anders/etc models, it's gorgeous! There's also one by Vakidzashi of DA that I liked as well!

Anyways, please R&R, it keeps all the writers going!

Just imagine how much work they put into writing these things! It means a lot to hear from the audience too!_  
_


	15. Deathbringer

**Summary:** Fenris and Hawke have broken up for years now and have never resolved their issues. Hawke has moved on to Anders and their bumpy relationship has lasted for three years. However, when Hawke finds that Anders lied to her about the Tevinter potion that would exorcise Justice from his body, she begrudgingly helps him through the end of his mysterious plan only to find that she may have just helped him do something terrible.

* * *

**Chapter 15: Deathbringer**

* * *

_I am stupid. I am the stupid person in all of Thedas. _

_No, I'm even worse than that._

Hawke trudged her way back to her mansion for the day's end, her teeth gritting and her head pounding due to all the curses she was inflicting on herself, both mentally and (she hoped) spiritually. The only thing she had managed so far was beat herself up. She didn't even manage to get a little inkling of Anders' plans. Only an idiot such as herself would have so easily given in to Anders and let him take control of the reins. There was no doubt in her mind that this would come back to bite her in the neck – no doubt at all.

Anders did not give her a straight answer when she asked what he had done, a fact that made her chest heave and her eyes narrow. He was not being honest to her, and for the first time she wondered if he had ever told her a single truth to begin with. This was all ridiculous. Not to mention a huge miscalculation on her part.

At the end of the day, there was only two things she knew: Firstly, that she didn't know who 'Anders' was, and secondly, that she was possibly the most naive person she had ever known. Hawke could already imagine Carver berating her, and Bethany shaking her head. Even her mother would have had something to say. And what would her father have told her if he were still alive?

The mansion was quiet, except for a flicker of light near the fireplace. Bodahn and his son waved to her as she entered. Hawke smiled and proceeded in going through the letters on her desk. There was a little dust in the air as she ruffled through the drawers, but she didn't care.

The mansion had died down significantly since her mother passed away – there was no one to greet her with open arms. Despite Bodahn trying to be very welcome, it just wasn't the same, and Anders living on and off at her home no longer seemed right. But she would have to deal with that issue on another day.

Carrying the letters upstairs as she read, she nonchalantly waved good night to the dwarves. They bid her farewell and resigned into their own chambers . She felt content with that fact that she didn't share this mansion to her lonely self - though the fact that Bodahn and his son would be leaving her sooner or ater was saddening.

Immediately upon entering her room, she kicked off her shoes and snaked herself into her pajamas. She then plopped herself onto the bed and read her letters in comfort.

The letters weren't anything spectacular, just some from her previous clients and some future endeavors that demanded her attention. The only one that struck her interest was an invitation from the Reinhardts, their longtime neighbor with whom Hawke's mother had often talked with. Hawke distinctly remembered her mother trying to arrange a meeting between the two families so that Hawke may meet their handsome nobleman son, Aldan Reinhardt, whom her mother clearly wanted as a son-in-law. But the meeting between the families turned out to be a somber one, as Hawke finally got to meet the Reinhardt during Leandra's funeral procession.

In any case, the letter, tucked inside a white envelope with fancy gold borders and swirly décor, invited Hawke to a Banquet that was due in a few weeks. Knight-Commander Meredith informed her through a separate letter that as Champion, Hawke was to attend on behalf of the Kirkwall city-state. There would undoubtedly be very important ambassadors and noblemen from all over Thedas joining in this get-together, and it would have been the first time the banquet was held in the Free Marches in a long time. Hawke's attendance was mandatory.

Though the idea of following Meredith's orders made her stomach twist, Hawke had little choice. Luckily, rubbing elbows with noble families was never a real chore or hardship she had to overcome – she was quite good at making an impression, it seemed.

Looking through the party list granted her a general idea of who was to come. She was happy to find that she could bring a friend with her. Additionally, Sebastian's name was also listed in the guest list, which made her feel a lot less alone in attendance. She would have allies already in the fray. Additionally, she was happy to find that Sebastian had decided to take a chance and try gaining back his place in Starkhaven. Among the list of names, there were also huge figures such as Gareth von Basch, Silas Adams, Eleanor and Rose Braden, Duke Prosper de Montfort, Iona Cousland, and Bhelen Aeducan. It was overwhelming, and she did not know whether to look forward to it, or dread it completely.

She placed the letters on her bedside table and laid back, thinking to sort it all out later. There was enough on her plate, and she knew that getting her head to stop thinking about Anders and his impending 'Doom' plan would be a hard task.

Thankfully, a knock on her door veered her off to divert her attention elsewhere.

"Yes?" She peeked between her arms, which she had laid on her head.

Bodahn's head peeked in slightly.

"Um... Mistress, sorry about it being so late and disturbing you, but I'm afraid we have a guest."

"This late at night?" She sat up, frowning. "Who is it?"

"She wouldn't say." Bodahn shrugged. "I dare say she seems a little afraid."

As soon as Hawke got out of her cover, she immediately regretted it. She exposed legs did not adapt well to the sudden cold temperature, and the hairs on her arms stood up, rising with the goosebumps.

"Let's see what this is all about." She said, trying not to sound so irritated.

She followed Bodahn down the stairs.

"I apologize, serah, but I was closing the main door for the night when a knock came and nearly scared me half to death!" He explained. "And then this elf comes over, claiming she knows you and needs you help. I couldn't just turn her away, she seems lost and homeless."

As they neared the thin figure, Hawke immediately recognized who the elvish maiden was.

"Orana?" She was surprised. "What on earth are you doing here? And at this hour, no less!"

The blonde elf flushed pink and shuffled her feet, looking at the ground.

"I'm really sorry, mistress! I just... I tried getting away from here, but..." Her voice trailed off and she looked at her own feet, twiddling her toes with her eyebrows curved into a nervous frown.

"What happened?" Hawke asked gently. "Why did you not use the money I gave you to leave to a safe place and start a new life? Are you hurt?"

Orana shook her head. "I am okay. But they... they took the money you gave me..." She mumbled. 'I couldn't fight back... they were … bigger than me."

Hawke gritted her teeth. So Fenris had predicted correctly.

"You got robbed?" She asked.

Orana nodded. "I'm sorry!" She covered her face with her hands, ashamed. 'I shouldn't have tr-troubled you. I just.. I didn't know where else to go. I saw you walking from Darktown, so I followed you. I-I should leave. I'm so sorry."

"Where to? You have nowhere else to go, Orana." Hawke told her. "And it's cold outside. You aren't sleeping in the streets!"

"In Darktown, no less." Bodahn added. "Most unsanitary."

"I don't want to trouble you, messere." Orana repeated. "I just wanted to thank you, and to apologize for letting you down. I'm really so-"

"You needn't apologize. It was not your fault; it was mine. I should have tried to help you find a place to live." Hawke paused. "Why don't you stay with me here, Orana?"

"What? Here? In your – in this mansion? Are you - are you are asking me to be your slave, mistress?" Orana asked eagerly. Perhaps a little _too_ eager. The little elf was desperate. At least in servitude, she would get meals and shelter.

Hawke shook her head.

"No, I'm not asking you to be my slave." She told her firmly.

For one, Fenris would kill her.

"If you're going to stay here, I'm going to pay you for it." She told Orana. "I could use a housekeeper. These two can't exactly reach all the places." She joked, pointing at Bodahn and his son.

"I beg your pardon, messere." Bodahn said indignantly. "I try my best."

"I was joking, Bodahn."

"Oh, I see." Bodahn gave out a hearty laugh. "Then I guess I should prepare a room for miss..."

"Orana, sir." Orana informed the dwarf. "Oh, thank you so much! I won't disappoint you, mistress! I'll clean, cook, and-"

"You don't need to work too hard, Orana." Hawke smiled. "Just enjoy yourself. Here." Hawke handed a few coins into the elf's thing hands. Orana's eyes widened in surprise, as if she had never seen so much coin in her hands before.

"But, mistress-"

"Consider it an advance." Hawke said. "And if you're hungry, you're free to use the kitchen whenever you wish. I gather you haven't eaten a quite a while. Please help yourself."

"A-Are you sure? That's allowed?" She asked timidly.

"It's either that or wait around to try Bodahn's cooking." Hawke smirked. "And trust me, you'd be better off eating in Darktown if it came to that."

Bodahn cleared his throat loudly for them to hear.

"Oh, thank you so much!" Orana exclaimed. "I'm never been so – well, thank you!"

"Just don't set the house on fire." Hawke chuckled. "I will see you all tomorrow then." She yawned, waving goodbye as she stretched her arms.

That was definitely different. Nor every night did she have to deal with a situation such as that one. In any case, she was glad for it because she slept a lot more happily than she had anticipated, If there was anything that had successfully lured her away from her troubling matters, it was the fact that she had saved the elf from servitude once more. Hopefully, things would proceed more interestingly at home from now on.

* * *

And they did.

The moment she exited her room the next morning, donning her armor and ready to set out, Hawke smelled something pleasing downstairs. It was coming from the kitchen and smelled sweet and delicious. The trail left by the aroma almost instantaneously made her hungry.

Following the smell like a bloodhound, she traced the scent to a pot steaming over the kitchen fireplace. Lifting the pot lid with caution, she looked at the bubbling orange stew with mouth-watering longing. In the lovely concoction were an assortment of potatoes, carrots, and meat, bubbling away into a tasty brew. The steam rose to her face and her stomach growled.

"Mistress?" Orana's voice came behind her, and Hawke almost dropped the pot lid in surprise.

"Orana!" She greeted. "When did you -never mind. Did you … make this?" She pointed.

The elf nodded. "Forgive me if you do not like it. I was informed that it would be-"

"It smells lovely." Hawke complimented.

Orana's eyes lit up. "I-I didn't know when you would wake, so I had it boiling to keep warm..." Her voice trailed off and the elf twiddled her fingers, her pasty face flushed once more.

'This... is for me?" Hawke blinked.

Orana nodded. "I thought that it would... be appropriate." She said nervously. "I didn't know what you liked eating, so asked the dwarves, and they helped."

"You didn't have to do that." Hawke told her, obviously touched.

"Well, I wanted to repay you however I could." Orana insisted. "I can't thank you enough, messere. After this, I have to clean up the upstairs. I didn't do it yet because I didn't want to disturb you while you're sleeping, but I'll make sure to get it done later this afternoon!"

"You work too hard, Orana." Hawke told her, putting the pot lid down. The elf came over to take it off the fire and placed it over a wet cloth on the table to cool.

"Relax a bit." Hawke told her. "This is partially your home too, Orana. I want you to relax too."

Orana nodded, though Hawke was not sure the elf understood the concept.

It would take time, she told herself.

And so, after enjoying a meal that was long past due, cooked by the new addition to her mansion crew, Hawke immediately felt better, and more at home. She hadn't felt so comfortable at the mansion for a long time, not since Leandra had passed away.

The fact that Varric visited early that morning to chance upon the new scoop of Hawke hiring Orana was even better, for Varric was the one to look for when celebrating. He and Isabela both covered that aspect of Hawke's life down to the core.

"Does Fenris know?" Isabela asked, her arms wrapped around Hawke's shoulder as she held a glass of rum on her other hand.

"No, just you two." Hawke told them. "I'm paying her, so it's not like it'll be a big deal. I told her that she is not my slave."

"Poor thing." Isabela shook her head. "Fenris was right when he told us Orana would get robbed." The pirate drank the shot in her hand and set it down on the table, following her comrades out the door.

"But at least now you've got someone to watch the house when Bodahn leaves." Varric suggested as they walked through Hightown. "Besides, the house seems more festive."

"I think that has more to do with you and Isabela being there at the same time, Varric." Hawke corrected. "Otherwise, it would be my happy, _quiet _sanctuary."

"It would _have to_ be with Anders there with you." Isabela grumbled. "We need a girl's night out to have fun!" She suggested, excited.

"Definitely not." Hawke said quickly. "Remember the last time that happened, Isabela?"

Varric laughed in reply. "Oh, my girls..." He shook his head, remembering the silly atrocities they had gotten into the past year. It was worth writing about, of course.

"What you need to do if tell Anders to stop being such a pain in the arse." Isabela told Hawke. "Tell him to just relax on the mage and templar ordeal. I mean, we've all got to live a little, right? Besides, you only live once."

"As far as we know." Varric added.

"Varric," Hawke looked at him, dramatically appalled. "Funny - I didn't know you were the superstitious type."

"I'm not." Varric grinned. "You just... you never know." He shrugged.

Hawke and Isabela looked at each other, giggling.

"I think Blondie's waiting for us over there." Varric pointed.

Hawke looked up and her giggling ceased almost immediately.

Anders waited for the three of them at the corner of the steps down towards Lowtown. He waved to them amicably, and Hawke did nothing in response. Whether this bothered the mage or not remained to be seen. If it did, he did not show it.

They walked down to the slums, their party banter argumentative between Isabela and Anders, with Varric adding in a few smart remarks here and there. But Hawke remained silent for the most part, mainly studying her boyfriend's facial expression and attitude.

She did not anticipate him being with them for today. But she had forgotten that they had made plans today – and breaking them would only alert everyone else to her troubles. She did not want to make a big deal out of things.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" Anders asked her suddenly as they reached Lowtown and stood near the warehouses. They were waiting patiently for Varric to get some of his business down. The dwarf insisted he only needed to stow away a second or two to get his business done, so none of them followed.

"Maybe she's so mesmerized by you," Isabela winked. "That she can't take her eyes off."

Anders laughed forcibly, and Hawke glared at him in an almost daring manner, making sure he knew that she was still angry at him – and that it was not over.

"Don't embarrass me like that, Isabela." She turned to the pirate, laughing lightly.

If there was anything that needed to be discussed between Anders and herself, it would have to wait until they were in a more private area. Hawke had no trouble waiting, but she told herself that she would make sure that Anders gave her the time of day today, no matter what. She didn't care if he had patients waiting, because if he was intentionally causing harm to other civilians in his grand scheme, he was no longer a healer in her eyes anyway. His patients would do better to see another healer.

The day wore on as any other, and Hawke even met a few troublesome mages in the caverns outside of town and had managed to save them from the Templars, much to her delight. However, sending them to the Circle only served to grant her some angry glares from Anders. Isabela and Varric remained largely unconcerned with this, and talked amongst themselves about their usual topics: money, sex, and odd jobs. This left Anders and Hawke with each other, awkwardly avoiding a screaming match that both of them knew would be happening soon.

* * *

"Uh-Uh." Varric was saying, his head shaking. "You keep the pillow, Blondie. And may you have many more dreams of killing Templars on it." Varric smiled as he walked away.

His footsteps echoed in the mansion as the dwarf went down the steps. He patted Sandal on the shoulder as he left and greeted both Orana and Bodahn farewell as the mansion door shut behind him.

Hawke smiled after him. She had seen the exasperated look Varric gave her as she passed him. She knew this would be the best moment for the two of them. Turning to her bedroom, she grabbed Anders by the arm, who seemed surprised by her sudden actions.

"I didn't realize you'd be home." He told her as they stumbled into her bedroom. Hawke locked the door behind them. She didn't care if her servants thought she and Anders were about to do something promiscuous. Better have them think that than have them find out she was sheltering a future criminal.

"It's still bright out, Hawke." Anders told her. "Are you feeling alright-"

"Shut up, Anders." She gritted her teeth. "You know what this is about!"

She opened her mouth to speak further., but he cut her off.

"It's about yesterday?"

"Figured that much out, have you?" She retorted sarcastically.

"You are overreacting." He said calmly.

"Am I?" She snapped. "From what I gathered last night, you're hoping to make some crazy mage rebellion happen here in Kirkwall! And you _used me _to do it! How is that overreacting?"

"You just don't know the full scope of it." Anders told her. "It will be worth it, I promise."

"Your promises mean little to me now, Anders." She warned him. "You already used me once before, and you lied to me on top of it. Now I hear you're going to make some crazy self-sacrifical ritual happen here in Kirkwall, all for the sake of your own ideals?"

"It is not my ideals only, Hawke." Anders argued, not even bothering to deny her claims. This only made her feel worse. Much worse.

"I am not the only one who wishes for the freedom of mages." He said. "You must be the same, somewhere deep in your heart. You _know _what I must do – you know my choice is the right one."

"I don't even _know _what you're planning!" She argued. "Besides, just because I think mages should be free does not mean everything you do I must agree with!"

Anders shook his head, as if disappointed by her.

"I know you don't understand why I must do what I do, but I thought maybe you'd support me." His head hung down. "In the face of freedom, no price is right. Only by loss shall we achieve what we strive for. Sacrificing one life is well worth the freedom of millions of lives in exchange."

"Your utilitarianism views are wasted on me." Hawke told him.

"You are an idealist, my dear." He told her. "You won't understand. What I'm doing will change the world. For everyone. For all the mages."

"You never even told me what you were 'doing'." She exclaimed, her eyebrows furrowing.

"I'm trying to protect you. There's no reason we both need to hang." Anders argued.

But this was not what she wanted to hear. In fact, she had grown tired of hearing that phrase. For one, it was just plain corny, as if it was taken out of a badly-written, old dialogue script for screenplay. Secondly, she had heard enough of these lines from Fenris, and she certainly didn't need them from Anders. Did no one think she was capable enough to protect herself? Either way, whatever the explanation, it was a horrible reason to betray her trust.

"I don't need you protection." She snapped.

"The more you remain in the dark about these things, the better." Anders told her. "I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Why don't you understand that?" He pleaded.

"Why don't _you _understand that it's already too late for that?" She told him angrily. "_You're_ the one who got me into this. _You're _the one who hurt me _already_. _You're _the one who lied to me _after dating me for three years _andjerked me around with that ridiculous story about the Tevinter potion." She reminded him, scowling.

Her heart was pumping fast, and she felt the adrenaline rush to her head. She was getting heated up for this argument, and to get to the bottom of this, even if she had to beat the crap out of Anders sin doing so. This was too much, even for her to handle.

When Anders didn't reply to her long-winded retort, she only got angrier. He looked away from her, his face sad and deep in thought. But she did not want his to be brooding. It did not fit him, and she was trying to get answers.

"Three years." She repeated. "You wait for three years to tell me that you have a potion ready to cleanse the spirit from you, and I _stupidly _agreed to help you with it!" She told him bitterly. "Then you tell me that it was a lie – how am I supposed to feel about that? I thought you trusted me, Anders. What's more, now you want to kill yourself for the freedom of all mages in a plan I have no say in? Tell me something – was I ever in your thoughts? Ever?"

Her voice died down to a lower volume as she asked him.

"I told you." Anders said through his teeth. "I'm a liar. I'm a monster. I never claimed I would do anything but hurt you. Should I have told you the truth?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Anders had a point – she suddenly wasn't sure if she wanted the truth or not.

"There's no one in Kirkwall I wouldn't kill to see mages free." He confessed. "There is no one I wouldn't hesitate to lie to or use. How would you have reacted to that?"

This, she felt, was the first confession he had ever made to her that seemed genuine – that seemed true. All the years she had spent with him was like a play – and she was his lead role. He had confessed there and then that he never planned to do anything but use her. That was enough for her to hear. Everything she had done for him was for nothing – it was all a wild goose chase that he had sent her on, so that she could help him do his dirty work. _He was right about one thing – he was a liar_.

"You're admitting it then." She said loud and clear. "You intentionally used me."

"Yes."

"So that you could bring your plan to fruition?"

"Yes."

"And your plan involves you killing yourself?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

"Why?' She asked him. Her voice was not gentle, but it was not as angry as it was before. Getting Anders to confess that he had used her and lied to her was enough for now. Thinking back on all the times they spent together the last three years hurt her now that she knew it was all a lie.

"I told you already, Hawke." Anders said. "In the face of freedom, one lie – one life – means little. The ends justify the-"

"There must be a peaceful solution." She begged him.

A part of her still wanted to believe. A part of her wanted to think that the more rational and moderate Anders was still there. She wanted to believe that this was all Justice's doing. The spirit was taking over Anders' mind. The real healer she met years ago would never do something so out-of-bounds – so dangerous and hurtful to his friends.

"We can find a peaceful, diplomatic way to solve th-"

"We can't."

"If you talk to the grand cleric again-"

"No."

"If Meredith stands down-"

"They see mages as monsters. They can't imagine a world with room for all of us." Anders said gloomily. He turned his head away from her and sighed. "Maybe they're right."

"So you want a world with room for mages – that does not seem like a goal that requires your life!" She told him. "Just tell me what you are planning!"

"I can't do that." He said sternly.

"Anders, if you want mages to be free, you need to convince people that you're _not_ dangerous." She tried again. "And right now, you aren't doing a very good job of it."

"Impossible!" Anders spat.

"What you're doing is proving the Templars right!" She cried. "Why can't you see that?"

"Do you know how long I've been telling them that?" He fired back. "Convincing everyone that mages aren't dangerous is impossible. Mage after Mage turning to blood magic because it's 'easy'! I always said they were their own worst enemies. But I never..."

He paused for a second, and then let out a laugh that made her stomach turn.

"Whatever you planned, there's still time to stop it!" She told him. "'You don't have to go through with anything."

"Yes.. Time."

He looked into her eyes, and she looked away. She couldn't gaze directly at him right now. Not unless she could stop herself from shaking, or punching him in the jaw. He was being difficult and it was getting on her nerves. She wanted straight answers.

"Maybe there's still time... time before it goes off. I can still go back... I can still disarm it. It doesn't have to go down like this." He murmured to himself.

Realization hit her like a chilling icicle at her backside. She knew what he was doing, she saw it all too clearly now. He had her going around in circles, thinking one thing while he wished for the other. He was going to sacrifice himself, alright. At the expense of other lives as well. His life in prison or on death sentence meant little of he succeeded.

Why didn't she think carefully? Why did she listen? The black holes that surrounded him were suddenly visible to her, and she could believe how she ate up all his stories of being torn and confused. She felt naïve, silly, and stupid, as if she had been born yesterday.

"Where is it?" She demanded promptly. "Tell me and I'll disarm it."

"No!" Anders turned to her suddenly, snapping. "What I did... I did for all the mages. I will not allow you to disrupt my plans. I've worked too hard for this. You will never-"

"You mean _I _worked hard for _you._" She corrected bitterly.

"Hawke, you may not understand now, but-"

"You're right. I don't understand. At all." She gritted through her teeth. "Tell me where the bomb is Anders, or I'll search the entire Chantry myself."

"You won't be able to find it." He said calmly. "It's cloaked in my magic, and the barrier will not break unless you blow it up."

WHAT? Hawke was furious. Her blood was boiling and her fist trembled beside her.

"It's too late now." Anders said regrettably.

She roughly grabbed him by the collar and pushed him against the wall. The paintings on the walls shuddered. Downstairs, both Orana and Bodahn looked up, bewildered. But Hawke did not care what the other residents of the mansion were thinking at the moment.

"Where. Is. It." She snarled.

"I cannot tell you." Anders replied, his eyes unflinching.

She stared at him ferociously for a minute, and pushed him aside. Anders stumbled for a bit before regaining posture.

Her head hurt. There was a ticking bomb in Kirkwall, an invisible one that only Anders knew the whereabouts to. She had a feeling it was at the Chantry. After all, what better idea to blow up the Chantry? It all made sense now. Once the Grand Cleric was gone, Meredith and Orsino would have to battle it out once and for all. It was perfect.

Anders would not tell her, even if she threatened him with his life. He was the only one that had the control to this threat, and he was the least cooperative person she had ever met. What could she do? What was he going to do now?

"I won't blow it up," Anders assured her. "Not unless something dire happens. I pr-"

"Leave." She demanded, looking sadly at the ground and pointing.

She shook her head to herself as she talked to Anders, her back facing him. She wasn't crying, of course, but a part of her wanted to hit herself. A part of her wanted to die. If all of Kirkwall was gone tomorrow, it would be her problem. If all hell broke loose, it would be her fault. How could Anders have been so selfish? So ignorant and unwitting? He didn't even think of her while he planned this, did he? She was, indeed, very stupid.

"I can't... I can't do this anymore." She said as she turned, looking into his eyes, searching for any strain of humanity left inside the mage. She didn't linger long enough to find it though.

Gloomily, she stared at him as he looked at her, speechless, and in one inhale, she told him: "I think this goes without saying, but in case you didn't get the picture: _we're splitting up._"

He looked at her, his face twisted with hurt and confusion. It tore her heart up to see his expression in such a manner, but she could not deny her anger, or her sense of betrayal and embarrassment. Not even all of their memories together could make this better.

He had no right to be confused. Or sad. He brought this on to himself.

"Why must this be the answer?" He asked her, heartbroken.

"You can't be serious." She looked at him, her tone irritated and angry. "Do you _really_ have to ask me why I'm doing this? Is it not _obvious_ to you?"

He closed his eyes, as if the situation was being more serious than he thought. Of course it was – what was he thinking? Did he think she would openly congratulate him? Oh yes, thank you for planting a bomb in the Chantry of Kirkwall, Anders, that was _such_ a great idea. Why hadn't we thought of that?

"I don't mean to be a-"

"A nuisance? A bother? A pain in my backside? A complete ass?" She cut him off once more. "You've _never once_ thought of me, have you? You've never even _stopped to think _that _maybe – just maybe _what you were doing was a _bad _idea?And that it might affect other innocents? And me?"

"Hawke-"

"You wonder why I'm leaving you? I'll tell you why – because I can't breathe with you around anymore. It's suffocating. After all these years, I don't know who I was kidding, imagining you cared for me while I stand here waiting like the little fool I am. All those nights when you stood me up - I can't believe I listened to you, that I believed you, and that I did every single little thing you told me to, thinking I was helping you and the mages! So many times, I hoped that I could help you, and you would change. But you aren't going to change, least of all for me. I just can't believe you would use me for this!" Her voice was shrill, a high shriek.

"I didn't use you, Hawke, I just-"

"Thought it was convenient to send me off on your errands, thinking that you were making a potion to exorcise the demon lurking inside you while you were really constructing some bomb to ruin the entire city?" She said sarcastically. 'Yes, Anders. Thanks you for that. So much. You _really _know how to show that you care."

He remained silent. There was little else he could say. She was right, after all. But the fact that he had nothing to argue back to her about meant that she was right – about all of it. And that only hurt her more, knowing that her suspicions were confirmed.

He didn't love her.

He probably never did.

Even their friendship was compromised.

Fury that had bottled up within her was erupting. Her fists shook uncontrollably. She was about to say more when Anders flashed blue.

"LEAVE! THIS SHALL NOT CONTINUE!" Justice boomed.

"This is Anders' decision, not yours!" She yelled back, irritated beyond measure. "Leave Anders alone or I swear on Andraste's head I will tear _yours_ off!"

"I _AM _ANDERS!" Justice said in a matter-of-fact tone. "YOU HAVE GIVEN IN TO SLOTH! YOU WOULD STAND BY WHILE MAGES ARE ABDUCTED AND TORTURED! NO! ANDERS HAS NO NEED OF YOU!"

"Leave him _now_!" She yelled, her hand reaching for her dagger. She was angry enough to fight an entire army, at this point. She didn't care if Anders was still there. She was so angry, in fact, that she was sure she could _kill _Anders. Stab him a few times, maybe.

But Anders' body flickered in blue for a second time, and Hawke stopped her movements, frowning as she put her hands back down at her sides.

"What... What was I saying?" Anders asked himself quietly as he clutched his head.

"You... don't know what just happened?" She asked, trying to remain calm. "Seriously?"

"No, what do-" He paused. "Oh, I'm having more... blanks in my memories."

"You reverted back to Justice and screamed at me." She told him crankily. "Just to clarify – what exactly do you remember? I want to make sure I haven't been talking to Justice this entire time."

"I... I don't know." Anders replied. "I can't... It's like the longer we go, the less of 'me' there is..."

She let out a deep breath and shook her head, placing her hands at her waists and looking around impatiently. What was her next move? What _could _she do?

Anders' face twisted in sorrow and regret suddenly. He looked at Hawke with the deepest ruefulness as he spoke: "You were right all along. I … I should have never done this. Being with you, loving you... I thought it would make a difference. But Justice... he's just too strong. I've tried my best – Really, I have. You believe me, don't you?"

"I _want _to, Anders." She said, though her voice was still shaking.

He had said he loved her.

Did this mean that there was a time when...?

"I don't blame you for leaving me." He told her solemnly. "I would do the same were I in your position... It's just …... I want you to know that I _do _love you. Really. I did. I just couldn't control him myself. I tried so hard, but..."

He remained silent for a while. He speeches were going in circles. She could tell he was having a troubling time gathering his thoughts, but she had nothing else to say. Anything that came out of her mouth would only tell Anders that she was pissed. Furious.

"You really aren't going to help me solve this?" She asked in a rather cold tone. "What can I say that will make you tell me where it's at?"

"Nothing." He shook his head and stood up straight, regaining his posture from the temporary Justice takeover.

"And if I were to alert the Chantry myself?" She asked. "If I were to have them search it?"

'You will die with them." Anders stared back at her, his face stern and obstinate. "I will blow it up the second you get any of the men in there. If Meredith is with you, then even better."

"You're really _that _determined?"

"I've used up three years to devise this plan."

"And a _bomb _was the best you could think of?" She raised her eyebrow.

"Do not make light of the matter." Anders told her. "I will not hesitate, should I feel the time is right. Or should I feel that my brethren are endangered. When the time comes-"

"And when will that be?"

"When all mages are free."

"Not all of them are carefree and innocent." She reminded him.

"When the templars and mages clash once more, the Chantry will not be able to resolve the matter. They will have to fight, and the matter will be resolved finally."

"What if I were to help them resolve it?"

"You cannot possibly-"

"A bargain then?" She asked. "If I resolve the issue between Meredith and Orsino, you will call off your bomb and disarm it."

"You cannot. The issue cannot so easily be resolved."

"Adding a bomb to the picture doesn't seem to be the biggest help either." She muttered.

"The clock is ticking. I'm afraid you haven't the time to do as you say."

"Try me." She snapped at him.

He let out an exhale and looked her dead in the eyes. "I can't help you with this. I only hope you will believe me when I say that I tried, Hawke. I really did." Anders repeated. "I'm sorry. There is little I can do now. I can only hope you don't hate me for failing."

And with that, he left. And she didn't didn't even get to say any last words.

The door shut behind him, and he did not return to her mansion again.

* * *

If she told anyone else, it would become too obvious.

She made it a goal of hers to keep the bomb a secret. In fact, she almost ritually visited the Chantry for clues – to which it seemed to confuse Sebastian a great deal, for he thought she was there to pray, or to ask him to join her party for the day.

She did, however, limit her contact with Anders. She made it a point to him that she was angry at him, and she did not want to deal with his troubles for the time being. In fact, everyone else around her seemed to think that the couple had experienced a rather horrible fight – to which Hawke was forced to tell them the truth – well, half of it, at least.

"You _broke up_?" Isabela asked, her eyebrows raised. "Why? What happened?"

"Tell us all the juicy secrets." Varric grinned. "Did you break his heart?"

Hawke smiled weakly and shook her head.

"We just decided that we needed to go separate ways for a while." She told them, avoiding Fenris' gaze on the opposite side of the table. "I needed some space."

"I always coined Anders to be a cuddly type!" Isabela smirked.

It was ironic that she said this, because in their relationship Anders had very often left Hawke alone, forgotten important dates they had arranged, or broken off events they had planned together. Thinking back on it now, it only made Hawke feel dumber for putting up with all his lies, not being able to see that she was being used, and she hated herself for not realizing it sooner. Hell, Fenris had noticed it before she had.

She looked up for a moment and their eyes met. His snowy hair almost beamed at her, and his olive eyes stared back at her and she felt like she was diving into an ocean for a split second. She looked away to avoid anything unnecessary, though she was well aware that her face had blushed slightly. He was her friend now – and a good one, she told herself.

"What's that you've got in your pack?" Merrill asked her, scooting close to Hawke on the bench.

"Oh, just some reading that I borrowed from the Chantry." Hawke lied, smiling.

"Is that why you've been there so often?" Sebastian asked. "For the books? And here I thought you were repenting for all the killing you've done."

"Not our Hawke." Varric snorted.

Hawke shot Varric a look and they laughed.

"I was just interested in some herbs and resources – you know, reading up on it."

"Why? Has Blondie's medicinal studies rubbed off on you, Hawke?" Varric asked. "Hope you don't plan on becoming a healer. You'd be horrible at it."

Hawke stuck her tongue out at him childishly and closed her pack, standing up.

"I just wanted to research some."

"Are you still trying to help Anders get that potion to exorcise the mean guy?" Isabela asked.

Hawke nodded, knowing she meant Justice. However, her nod was also a lie. There was no potion. She had tried numerous concoction recipes and none of them had worked. That was way back when she and Anders were still a couple. Now that they were no longer together, she found herself working even harder to maybe find a brew that would help him be.. well, his normal self. Before the spirit of Justice took over his life.

But so far, all she had found out was that the items she had been asked to get for him indeed constructed a powerful magic bomb, which could be detonated by the spell caster. If she doubted it when Anders suggest it, she had no doubt about it now. The books had everything, and so did some of the knowledgeable folks in Lowtown.

Her bad decision would take it's toll on Kirkwall, and she needed to do something about it without alerting everyone into a panic.

* * *

The night air was chilling as she walked. She felt her arm hairs rise and the goosebumps prickle her skin. Even the muscles in her jaws tensed and were on the verge of telling her how cold they were via chattering teeth. It was nearly winter, and she needed to wear more layers, it seemed. Kirkwall was not a very cold or hot place – it was rather temperate year round, though they suffered hotter summers than cold winters. In any case, the winter was catching up on the city, and Hawke only responded by walking faster.

Even Hightown looked spooky in the dark, and she could only imagine what Darktown must look like at this moment. The shadows danced around the walls and laughed at her when she nearly jumped due to their illusions. The trees blew softly in the direction of the cold wind, and her hair twisted around her face, as if it had a duty to blind her while she walked home.

It was certainly a step down from the lively chatter and warm temperature in the Hanged Man, of which she had just escaped. Her friends had been rather nosy about her recent break-up with Anders, who did not join them for Wicked Grace.

She was glad for it on one hand, because that meant she wouldn't have to deal with Isabela and Varric's jokes and awkward comments about their relationship and break-up. On the other hand, Anders' neglect and evasion from the rest of them only made things more awkward because Hawke did not know what to say as the premise of the breakup. For one, Anders planting a bomb in Kirkwall definitely would have done the trick.

But she didn't want anyone knowing, of course. But this made it difficult because she would, sooner or later, have to lie to them – and when the time came she had to at least make sure that her and Anders had a straight story – a believable one.

They hadn't talked for two days now. Anders had gotten most of his belongings out of her house in a timely fashion, though he had little there to begin with. Still, having all of his books and quills gone was odd – she had never seen her desk so organized because Anders had often used it to write pages of his manifesto, spread all of the place in a bloody mess.

She had rarely seen him in the two days after their breakup – she didn't bother talking to him. She was still angry with him, and if she wasn't – just seeing him would make her blood boil. She didn't know how to deal with the situation, and she knew that as time passed, she would only grow more desperate.

The first thing she did was try to ask the Grand Cleric to move out – to leave safely to another place. Her intentions were thankfully camouflaged pretty well under the pretense that Sebastian had to meet Sister Nightingale for a mission, which turned out quite surprising.

In any case, Hawke's mind was on many different things for those days.

Anders. His magical time bomb. Kirkwall. Her duty as Champion.

There was a lot on her mind, and her thoughts were very often muddled.

And that was the main reason why she didn't notice she was being followed.

Until it was too late.

* * *

"Good evening, mistress." Orana bowed as she entered the estate. "You look tired. Shall I ready the bath for you?"

Hawke nodded, taking her shoes off at the entrance.

"Where are Bodahn and Sandal?" She asked.

"Bodahn took his son to the doctor. He hasn't been feeling well lately, so they're checking it out." Orana informed as she took her mistress' boots and walked slowly up the stairs. "They will be back tomorrow, they said."

"Hope everything it okay." Hawke said as she looked over her letters. Runes and potions were laid out on the table before her, and she traced the stones with her long fingernails, thinking about what to do if Kirkwall blew up for the umpteenth time that evening.

"After this, Orana, you should really get some rest. You don't have to wait up for me all night. Really. I don't like keeping others up too late on my behalf."

"It is no issue, mistress. I was not sleepy." Orana insisted as she disappeared into Hawke's room to prepare the bath.

Hawke made a mental note to herself to give the elf a raise. It was definitely long overdue. Orana was very helpful to the house, and Hawke was grateful.

When Orana stepped out of her bathroom, Hawke was already in her room, still reading a letter than Bethany had sent to her. This one was dated pretty far back, but Hawke never had a chance to write back. But given the circumstances of the present day, Hawke was not sure _what _to write to Bethany about. She didn't want to trouble her sister and worry her over the Anders/bomb issue.

The door shut quietly behind her after Hawke bid Orana a good night.

She set the letters down and hung up her armor on the display mannequin while she unlatched the daggers from their leather strips, placing them in her bedside table. She smiled, remembering one of the daggers as the last gift she had receive from her mother. It was getting dull, but she still used it for sentimental purposes, of course.

She shuddered as she cold air around her swallowed her naked body.

Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around herself, Hawke sat on the edge of her bath, reaching down with her left hand to test the waters. It was still hotter than she wanted, though she did enjoy playing with the water for a bit.

_Creak._

What was that?

She looked up, alerted. Her instincts told her immediately to reach for her daggers, but then she realized that she was in her bathroom – in her home – and that it was most likely Orana getting to bed downstairs.

You're being silly, Hawke told herself.

_Creak._

Orana's just going to bed like you told her to, Hawke.

She shook her head at herself and stood up, ready to get into the steaming water.

_Creak._

This time, she made little assumption about it. That was the sound of someone opening her door. Followed by footsteps. Heavy ones. Her first thought was to think that it was Orana – but those steps were made by a heavy person – probably armored.

And they were snooping. She heard tiny scratching noises and scuffles.

Was it Anders?

She backed up against the wall next to the bathroom entrance and peeked over.

_Who the hell is that?_

He wore a set of gray armor, had jet black hair and a puffy mustache. Whoever he was, he was alone. And looking through Hawke's drawers.

"Strange," She alerted him to her presence as she stepped out from behind the bathroom wall. "Thieves usually don't wear heavy armor and make large creaking noises. Not very stealthy, are you?" She smirked.

The man, surprised at first, smiled back in a rather repulsive manner.

"Ah, Madam Hawke. I was looking for you." His voice hinted that he was of Fereldan descent. He grinned, pulling out his hand from one of her drawers to wave – that was her undergarments drawer. What was he trying to do? Whoever this was, she didn't like him already.

"What are you doing here in my home?' She demanded. "I don't take well to intruders."

"Forgive me, I did not mean to intrude while you were... indisposed." He eyed her legs and she pulled the towel closer to her skin. He was giving her the creeps. That strange twinkle in his eyes just served the further his alarming demeanor.

She had no way to dive for her daggers, which were on the other side of the bedroom. But she was sure that she'd be able to defeat him in hand-to-hand combat anyways.

"What do you want?" She asked with a frown.

"Now, now, don't get too upset, sera Hawke." He mocked her title, and she did not take well to it. "I was merely dropping in for a formal greeting."

"This is hardly formal." She snapped. "Why are you here? Who sent you?"

"I'm a mercenary, much like yourself." He smiled.

One of Meeran's? No, this man wasn't one of Meeran's. It didn't fit his style.

"I see. And tell me, what does a Mercenary want with me this late into the night while a lady is trying to bathe?" She asked. "Tell me and I might not have you killed."

He laughed. "You talk big for a woman barely clothed." He eyed her in a disgusting manner once more. "When I took this job, I didn't realize I would be entangling myself with a woman so beautiful like yourself."

"Flattering me won't get you anywhere. Answer my questions."

"You are in no position to question me, sera." He told her, leaving against her desk. "I'm here to fulfill a contract – whether you like it or not."

"And what contract is this?" She asked. "I'll have you know that's I've fought many bigger than you." She threatened, her hands clenched tightly. She felt like a fool, her naked body wrapped around a towel while this intruder eyed her in a most perverted fashion. Did she have to carry her weapons with her at all times? That idea did not sound do ridiculous now.

"Please, sera." The man chuckled, twirling his mustache in between his fingers. "I am not here to kill you. Everyone knows of your battle against the Arishok. After all, it was a splendid tale."

"Then what the hell do you want?" Hawke asked impatiently. If this turned out to be some prank of Isabela's, she would be very pissed. This man was giving her strange looks and she did not like him one bit.

"My employers are interested in a certain someone with whom you are very close to."

"And who would that be?"

"Your apostate friend." He grinned. "The healer."

Her mouth opened but no words came out. Shit. Anders?

"He was not in the clinic that so many know about." He informed Hawke. "So I dug up some information and everyone points to you. You and the mage are rather close, it seems." He smirked.

"I don't know where he is." Hawke frowned. "I don't keep tabs on him."

"You think I'm stupid, Hawke?" He asked, standing straight and walking towards her slowly. "You will tell me where he is – I know you are hiding the apostate somewhere. Shall I get the Templars to investigate you? I hear you have quite the circle of friends. What if I were to tell the slavers where that Tevinter fugitive of yours is hiding?"

She shuddered at the thought. Her heart plummeted to her stomach and it was almost made her sick. He was blackmailing her. She had to choose which of her friends she would betray. Or...

"No." She said defiantly.

"You will change your mind, sera Hawke."

He approached her slowly.

"You want to fight me?" She asked in a cocky manner. "You think you can take me on?"

"You may be a worthy fighter, but you are still a woman – and with no armor or weapons, no less." He said. "Don't try to talk your way out of this."

"I'm quick." She corrected him.

And as swiftly as she could, she dodged his bulky arm and ran for the bed. Above it lay her daggers and she was about to get on an even playing field. This perverted lunatic was asking for it. She only hoped that it would not stain her bedsheets. She was actually quite fond of those.

"Hrgggh!"

Her two daggers clinked with his great sword, the blades gleaming at them under the light. It almost blinded her, and she had to immediately jumped back to dodge his next blow. It made a dent on the floor and she was not too happy with that.

She lunged forward to meet his blade once more, and their faces were only millimeters apart.

"I've fought bigger." She told him through her teeth. "And stronger."

"I wonder," He started. "if that smart mouth of yours will stay the same when I cut through that disappointing towel wrapped around your bosom." He smirked, his mustache rising beyond his nostrils.

"You're a disgusting pig." She spat as she stumbled back.

His strength was commendable. If she had a few miasmic flasks and wore her armor, this would be a piece of cake. Of course he had no intention of fighting fair. She was predisposed in this fight, and she desperately tried to fight a weak spot in his stance...

But the brunt of his blade hit her in the stomach. She flew backwards against the wall and slid down in a burning trail. Her back hurt, and so did her front – her towel was loosening and she grabbed for it just in time.

"Haaah!"

She jumped aside from his silver blade, but a hot streak of pain crossed the small of her back. She felt her tender flesh stinging and cried out in pain. It was in a area that even her hands could not reach. She was on her knees and her daggers fell beside her.

She was in trouble.

"You only needed to comply with my demands, my dear." His voice loomed behind her.

His large meaty hands grabbed her jaw violently and pulled her back so that she leaned against him. Her wound hit his cold armor and scratch up against the surface in a fervent manner.

"If you had agreed to tell me what I needed to know, it may not have come to this." He whispered into her ears as he kicked away her daggers into the corner of the room. "I was even considering restraining myself from ravaging this body of yours."

She may a low cry for help, but it was useless and she did not know why she did it. It only served to peak her assailant's desire more.

"You will look nice with my-"

The door blew open at that point and the two of them were alarmed by the suddenly intrusion.

"_You will not touch one more inch of her!"_

A blast of blue lightning, followed with yellow flashes appeared before her eyes so fast it made her eyes blind. She felt the strong hand around her jaw whisk away, and a great wind that blew her onto the ground on her elbows.

By the time the white flashes were gone, she lowered her arms to meet her protector. Her assailant now lay in a crisp next to her bathroom entrance, and was obviously dead. She didn't even know his name to run by Varric tomorrow.

"Are you alright?" Anders asked, helping her up.

She nodded, visibly shaken as she slowly sat up from the floor. He reached his hand out for her and she grabbed it, pulling herself up and his wincing involuntarily because of the large wound on her back. The blood was running, and she knew because it was all over her hands. Her head was still spinning from the blood loss, and she was suddenly feeling very embarrassed.

Her head still hurt from the impact against the wall, and she was pretty sure it too was bleeding slightly. The pain in her elbow told her that sometime tomorrow morning, she would wake up to see a purple bruise somewhere within that area. Great.

And to top it off, her towel was slipping. Normally, that would be the last of her worries with Anders in the room – but things had changed drastically within the last few days.

She stood up, Anders helping, and as he sat her on the edge of her bed, he laid down his staff and his hands starting glowing blue. She closed her eyes as she felt the warmth of his spell, and the nurturing effect it had on her. She instantly felt the wound on the back of her head close up, and the festering flesh behind her warmed up, the pain fading away eventually.

It made her wonder how it was that such a warm, nurturing feeling could come from a man so haunted and disturbed. She didn't know what it took to be a healer – she assumed the knowledge of some spells were enough – but Bethany never trained in healing as much so it never came across her studies. It was strange to feel so warm around her at first – but you get used to it in battle.

"Hold on, just a little bit more." Anders told her. "Hold still, Hawke."

The ironic part was how caring one felt under his spell. She had been under more than one of his, so to speak. She almost wanted to laugh at herself because of it.

Anders. He had betrayed her. He had lied to her.

"What were you doing here?" She asked as she continued the healing process.

"The Templars came looking for me at the clinic tonight. I panicked. I had no other choice but to take the passage to your cellar." He explained. "When I got here, I saw heard some scuffling noises and eavesdropped enough to know you were in danger. There, that should be enough."

She opened her eyes and Anders was getting up to stretch his arms. The light in his palms slowly dimmed away, and as he turned around, Hawke reached instinctively at the dagger on her bedside table...

* * *

**A/N:** Choppy chapter. Still trying to hide this from the bf. Sorry for the short comment. Also - PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I also enjoy reading PMs :) Thanks for reading guys, I really appreciate it! Hawke getting back together with Fenris is taking a little longer than expected... sorry!


	16. Dealbreaker

**Summary:** Hawke and Fenris have broken up after their one night together, so Hawke starts a relationship with Anders instead. In retaliation, Fenris gets together with Isabela. But even after three years, both Hawke and Fenris never get back together because they constantly bicker. Fenris thinks that Anders is planning something horrible behind her back, which turns out to be true when Hawke recently discovers Anders had used her to plant a bomb inside the Chantry for the sake of his proclaimed 'mage equality'. Wanting to stop him at any cost, Hawke picks up a dagger one night when Anders' back in turned...

* * *

**Chapter 16: Dealbreaker**

* * *

It was ironic because it suddenly seemed a lot heavier in her hand than she had remembered. And a whole lot colder. Her entire hand was pulsating, and trembling with a feeling she had never felt before. Sure, she had killed a lot more people than she would admit, but this was another story.

This was different than any other job she had done. Yet in the end her mind raced and she realized that it had to be done. Drastic measures, right? Anders would know all about that one.

"Hawke-"

Anders turned and froze, his face twisted in surprise and horror.

Her blade glimmered in from the moonlight that showered her bedroom. She didn't even care if her towel was becoming undone. There was nothing Anders had not seen of her that she cared of.

_This was business._

She instinctively grabbed the wooden staff he had placed against her bedside table before he could reach it. The swiftness of her movements made her cringe a little. The insides of her wounds were still healing, of course. Anders' magic couldn't work miracles, unfortunately.

"What are you doing?" He asked cautiously, his hands up in guard of himself, though Hawke could tell he was feeling quite vulnerable at the moment. She had his staff, after all.

"Drastic measures, Anders." She told him.

"Was this... this intruder in your house a set-up?" He asked her suddenly.

"What?" It took her a while to understand his thoughts. "Wh- no! He was just a – I had never met him!" She explained herself, feeling silly for doing so when she clearly had the upper hand.

"What are you doing, then?" He demanded, his voice remaining calm. She hated it.

"I already told you." She repeated. "Drastic measures."

"For what? You've no need or a staff." He told her, laughing uneasily.

"You know what this is about, Anders." She advised.

He open his mouth at once to speak up, but then remained silent, his hands still and his gaze fixated on her, as if he was questioning what her next move would be.

This only served to further her irritation. She knew that even with his staff, he could still use magic against her – and to top it off, at any time Justice could unleash himself to be yet another worthy adversary for her. To be honest, she had no idea what she was doing, all she knew was that she had to do _something._

"Tell me how to disarm it." She instructed.

"Why?" He asked simply. "You're trying to threaten me with my own staff? You don't even know how to use magic, Hawke." He seemed to find her laughable.

"That doesn't matter." She heaved at him. "You need it in order to detonate your toy, don't you?" At least she would find some answers through passive and idle questions, though she didn't know for how long. Hell, she didn't even know if she would be alive tomorrow morning to find out. It made sense that she was scared – Anders was still her friend, and she had never struck out so seriously against one of them before.

"What makes you think that?"

"It's a guess." She grumbled unhappily.

"And you think that by confiscating it you can prevent me from doing what needs to be done?"

How was it that he could still be so smug when it was clear that she had every intention to harm him? What was it that made him so confident and sure?

"I don't know." She acknowledged in a humiliated but truthful manner.

"Give it back to me, Hawke." Anders coaxed. "You're going to get yourself hurt."

"I'm not a little girl, Anders!" She snapped, inching back from his grasp. "Stop trying to act as if you are in control. You are not going anywhere tonight without giving me answers!"

He looked at her, his calm expression turning into a frown.

"You would turn against me?"

"I am not against you, Anders." She explained. "I'm trying to _help_ you."

"You are trying to prevent me from taking the required actions that ma-"

"_Those _kinds of actions are _most_ _certainly not _necessary!" She hissed. "You are delusional – out of control! You need to understand that-"

"That I need to be controlled?" Anders' eyes shined brightly, flashing at her with intense flames. "Are you suggesting I be made tranquil? So that I could be another Templar's play-thing?"

"That is far from what I'm suggesting and you _know _it!" She snapped. "You're being ridiculous, and you're too blind to stop yourself from making this mistake – so as your _friend_, Anders, I'm going to stop you before you hurt yourself."

"You are not my friend." He told her, glaring.

"Fine." She breathed. "But you are going to tell me where in the Chantry you planted your mechanism – and how I can disarm it. Now."

"No."

"You are not in a position to be uncooperative, Anders."

"Why not?" He continued to glare at her. "You think having my staff makes you invulnerable to me? You think that you've got me on a leash?" He spat hateful words at her.

"That is not what I mean, Anders. I only-"

_Bzzzzt._

A hot flash of blue lightning hit her square in the stomach, making her topple backwards onto the floor. She kept her grip tight, however, and managed to keep her lone dagger in her right hand. The staff, however, had rolled away from her. It wasn't in her reach, but the good thing was that it wasn't within his reach either.

"_You will not hinder my plans, Hawke._" His raspy voice almost made her sure that she was no longer talking (or fighting) Anders, but it was Justice that had taken over.

"Justice?" She asked, hesitant.

"I am Justice." He confirmed. "And you will _not _make me change my plans because of your own malicious-"

"Go – the hell – away!"

She lunged at him, throwing punches and grazing Anders across the lower arm. Blood flew out of his wound, but she was sure it wasn't anything Anders couldn't heal later.

"You are not Anders!" She threatened. "Leave him alone – do not poison his mind with your own twisted ideals. Anders would never do anything like this!"

"I _am _Anders!_"_

"No, you are not!"

And with that, she punched him squarely in the jaw so hard that Anders fell onto the floor, hitting his head on the leg of her tea table, shaking the vase slightly. She immediately saw a redness swell up on his cheek area, and a part of her regretted it.

"Hawke..."

His voice at least regained normality.

But she was not in the mood for Anders and his whiny self at the moment. This was her chance. Her own mind told her that if she was a friend of Anders, she would let him rest and go home. But her duty came first – because she could not afford to let Kirkwall fall due to her own insubordination and inability to give Anders some tough love now and then. She needed to get the information out of him _now_ – it was the perfect moment.

She grabbed him by the collar as he was trying to get up and snapped at him.

"You _will _tell me what I need to know, or I will knock it out of you so hard that you will_ never be able to __even__ regret not making it to the Circle!"_

Hearing herself sound so ferocious and demanding triggered a certain feeling within her that made her feel much more confident – she was convincing, even to herself. For a moment, she didn't even know whether she should be afraid, or proud. Under the circumstances, pride won over.

"I'd rather be killed by you than go to the Circle, Hawke." Anders smiled weakly. "You know that. This is silly, you won't be able to get anywhere with th-"

Her grip still tight around his collar, she dragged him to his feet and shoved him against the wall, hard. Her teeth were clenched tightly as she spoke to him, and their noses almost touched as the two of them stared intensely into one another.

"I should've let him take you." She said suddenly.

"What?"

"That mercenary you killed." She told him. "I should have told him where you were – I should have let him have you." She told him harshly. She didn't mean any of it, of course – but she was so angry at Anders right now that all she wanted to do was hurt him – hurt him just as badly as he had done to her. But even then, they wouldn't be even.

"He was here to haul me off to the guard?" Anders blinked. The most humane action she had seen from him in weeks. Had that punch in the face gotten him off his high horse? Was this the _real _Anders, finally?

"Yes," She huffed. "He wanted to know where you were – and threatened to send Fenris back to Tevinter if I didn't comply. Just be glad I didn't chose either one of you over the other." She said.

Anders was silent. He looked away from her, as if embarassed.

"I'm sorry – I..." He stopped and took a deep breath. His collar was still being held by her, and she didn't want to let it go, yet. "I'm sorry – I havne't been myself lately."

"And here I thought you were just having fun." She replied sarcastically. "Thought it might be a good idea to wreck everyone out of home and loved ones?"

"I didn't mean to!" He uttered in defense. "I... I'm not …. I'm not who I used to be, Hawke."

"I know that." She said coldly.

"How can you blame me for something I have so little control over?" He asked her, his voice quivering slightly.

She could tell that she had hurt him – and immediately regretted it. Even after he had broken her heart – after he had betrayed her trust – she still harbored a soft spot for him. Flashes of memories appeared before her. In front of the fireplace, hugging Anders – kissing him lightly on the cheek... wrapping her arms around his neck... Even that time on his birthday when she found him waiting before the fireplace for her, reading, and she had covered his eyes from behind to hide his surprise gift, a lovely new silver quill that she had found on the market days prior.

She may not have had strong feelings for him – but that had changed because they were together for _three years_. In that span of time, anything could have happened – and she had gotten together with Anders. A part of her even knew that deep down, he cared for her as she did him. The truth of it all was that she _did _care for him, a whole lot. She loved him, even.

But perhaps that kind of love was different form what she had once told herself she had found in him. _That kind _of love was not one-sided, because she knew that he Anders cared for her. It might have been more fit to call it a love between friends – like the one she had for Varric.

Anders had left her more than once. Anders had not been there for her – he had been absent for a lot of the events she had planned. But the silliest part of her that she regretted was how naïve and compliant she had been to him. She had spoiled him; she had been his puppet; she had loved him.

"I'm sorry." Anders apologized.

Took him long enough.

She loosened her grip around his collar and stepped back.

"Don't think I'm letting you go." She threatened, her voice still cold. "I said that I wouldn't be letting you go unless you give me the information I need."

If she had to, she would beat him up again if it was needed.

"Why?" He asked defiantly, as if he was a child. "You will turn me into the Templars right afterward. There is no life for me there. I'd rather die. You know that."

She sighed, frowning.

"I'll make you a deal."

"What deal?"

"You take me to where it is, we disarm it, and then-" She looked at him and exhaled. "We tell no one about this – not even the others. It just stays between you and me."

"What is the catch?" He asked solemnly, as if he expected to be signing his life away.

"Stop being melodramatic, Anders." She said irritably. "I won't turn you in, and I won't tell anyone – just as long as you keep your end of our bargain."

"Which is?"

"_Never _do something like this _ever again._" She told him, looking him dead in the eye in the most serious manner possible. She made sure they had eye contact. "I don't want anymore of this foolish behavior. You're a grown man, and you best start acting like it. This solves _nothing_. You are never to construct such a harmful device anywhere _ever_ – especially not in Kirkwall."

"You ask too much of me." He shook his head.

"You should be happy I'm asking it at all!" She snapped. "Y_ou are going to take me there, Anders, whether you like it or not_ – unless you want me to tell the Chantry themselves. I'm sure the Templars would just _love _to hear about you wanting to blow up their precious Chantry!"

"You would take me to the Templars?" He asked once more.

"I would." She said with conviction. "And seeing how I have your staff – there's no way you could blow anything up without it."

Anders exhaled slowly and frowned. "How did you know about that?"

"Lucky guess." Hawke said shortly. "Not much of a mage without your staff, huh?"

"Don't threaten me, Hawke." He advised. "I can still do magic without it."

"Just try it." She glared at him. "I will punch you so hard that you'll fly."

Anders muttered something under his breath that she could hear. She ignored it and instead backed away towards her dresser.

"You're going to take me to the Chantry." She ordered.

Puling out her hair from her armor, she dressed herself appropriately, not even bothered by the fact that she had been naked before Anders. She no longer cared about such pleasantries. She was getting to the bottom of this.

Anders looked at her once more, his face twisted with regret and sadness, but not hate.

She turned around to grab his staff, but did not return it to him.

"Lead the way." She told him.

* * *

The night sky was clearer than usual. He could see every single star out tonight. The pale moon showered his room with a beautiful light that was near incomparable to anything he had ever experienced, even throughout all the years he had spent as a free man.

The glaring white moon stared back at him in a haunting manner. It was so beautiful, yet so chilling at the same time. It reminded him of his time in Tevinter. Danarius had thought of a name for his new pet...

_Little wolf._

Living in such haste – in such frantic times – it had made him unable to sleep once in a while. Dreams of Danarius, being held captive, running away – and being recaptured... they haunted his dreams, even now. And the only thing that soothed his brooding thoughts had long been gone.

It was times like these where he found himself wondering if she ever thought of him as he did her. But the images of her loving Anders... making love to him... it had destroyed the few precious memories he had left. A part of him was torn with regret, but the other half had urged him to move on. If Hawke had wanted to continue where they started off, she would not have waited three years to do so – and she would not have stuck around Anders as often as she did.

It was painfully obvious to Fenris, despite what he had said in the years prior – that Hawke was not going to leave him, and even more so – she had developed feelings for the abomination.

Hate and jealousy did not even begin to capture his thoughts and emotions.

He wanted to strangle Anders, and crush him under his foot.

The wine glass in his hand snapped and pieces of the glass went flying. The red wine that had sat in the glass now streaked down his arm, around the window sill, and even outside on the Hightown courtyard.

Fenris looked at the red liquid on this fingertips and tasted it.

So sweet.

His eyes closed and Hawke appeared before him in a haze. Everything seemed like a dream – and he liked it there. In his dreams, she was entangled in the bedsheets with him. In his dreams, she was laughing gently into his ear. In his dreams, his arms were around her and he was smelling her hair. In his dreams, she was his, and he was hers.

But that was all it was. A dream.

When he opened his eyes – he was alone. It was only in his dreams that she existed.

He sighed and hung his head low, smiling sadly to himself, then he looked out the window once more, admiring the brightness of the moon again.

"I would give anything..." He whispered into the air. "Anything just to see you tonight..."

* * *

And so, the deal was complete.

The transaction had been done.

Hawke hesitantly gave Anders back his wooden staff, half expected him to whack her with it, or even detonate another bomb he had hidden up his sleeve. After all, she had learned that he, after all these years, was quite the crafty person.

"I'm not going to kill you, Hawke." Anders told her, smiling weakly as he took the staff from her. "You needn't be so cautious. It's not like I'm going to hurt you."

"I can't be too careful." She clicked her tongue, still looking at him, ready to defend herself.

"You sound like Fenris now."

"No," She glared at him as they walked down the red Chantry halls. "I am just being responsible and careful."

"But my spell is broken."

"You mean, your curse in the Chantry?" She corrected him as they exited the holy halls.

"It is gone, yes." He told her, ignoring her insult. "In any case, I am a bit weak from disarming it. You don't need to be so quick to take a defensive stance."

"I can't be too sure."

"How can you be like this?"

"Like what?"

"Does our past together mean nothing to you?" He asked her. "Are you really _so much _in fury with me that you would act so cold to me? I thought you loved me!"

"I thought _you _loved _me_!" She snapped. "And look how far that's taken me."

"Three years was a long time." He told her. "Yet you don't seem to even _remember_ all the time we've spent together. Does it mean _nothing_ to you? Why are you being so hostile towards me? I have kept my end of the bargain, and I have done nothing to harm you!"

She sighed, and sheathed her blades.

"You have harmed me enough, Anders." She told him.

The Hightown air was stuffy as they exited the Chantry building.

"I have never intentionally harmed you." He assured her. "I have _never _meant to hurt you."

"But it happened anyway." Her eyes flashed dangerously at him. She didn't want to have this conversation. She knew where it was going, and she knew she wasn't going to like it.

"I am sorry." Anders tried. "I am. I just... Is there nothing I can do that would-"

"Anders." She cut him off. "Our deal is done. I'll keep my end of the bargain if you keep yours. That is the one and _only _promise I ask you to keep."

"Hawke, what are you saying?"

"To everyone else, we'll just be friends." She told him.

"But?" He looked at her. "But between you and I...?"

"I was under the impression that you never wanted this relationship to begin with, Anders." She reminded him. "You're regretting it now, all of sudden?"

"Hawke-" He stepped closer. "I told you that I would break your heart, but that does not mean I don't have feelings for you. I warned you, but I am still human being. You cannot -"

"Need I remind you that a few days ago you wanted to _kill _several innocent people in order to have your way?" She told him. "You did much more than break my heart, Anders."

"I can change." Anders pleaded. "I'll... I'll try harder, even."

His pleading only made things worse.

She didn't know if she should take him back, or just stop talking to him altogether. Either of those options seemed bad somehow. She needed time to think -alone.

"I don't know, Anders." She stopped in front of her mansion door. "I don't know right now, Anders. I don't even think I can be friends with you right now."

He looked at the ground contemplatively. His lips curled into a horribly forced smile.

"I... see."

He turned to walk back to his own clinic, which hopefully would be safe now.

Meanwhile, Hawke had returned to her own mansion, careful not to wake any of her servants. Tiptoeing into her room, she took care of the rotting body in her bedroom and quickly changed her back into comfortable clothes before snuggling into bed.

It felt really good to have Kirkwall safe again. The idea that she had prevented such a travesty from occurring made her feel so relieved and proud of herself. She had shown Anders that she was a force to be reckoned with, and also gotten her clouded thoughts released.

Dealing with Anders would have to come later. The only thing that was left in her mind was whether or not Anders would honor their deal.

* * *

**A/N:** So the much-awaited Fenris/Hawke reunion is coming up - so be prepared for thee gazillion chapters of much-too-long delayed smut and sexy stuff! I went through the last few chapters and realized that I really hadn't added him in any recent chapters, so I had to for this one! (Fenris still exists!) I'm excited to write the upcoming smutty chapters, you guys have no idea!~ As usual, please read and review - and if you have any insights, please let me know. OH! I also have a question I wanted to ask you guys for a long time:

_Should I reveal the first name of Hawke?_

I've kept the first name undisclosed because I want everyone to picture their own Hawkes. However, if you think that having the characters knowing her on a first name basis is much more informal and casual, please say so in the reviews below! (or by PM) I already have a name for her, in case you were wondering.

In a few chapters, I'll be taking other polls to figure out how to end the series. But for now, that is the only question I have to ask. Thanks for reading!~


	17. The Definite Truth: Danarius x Hawke

**Summary:** When Hawke has a one-night stand with Fenris, she desperately tries to get him back. But her plans backfire and ultimately results in her rebounding to Anders (much to Fenris' dismay). Her relationship with Anders is rocky, however. After 3 years, she finds out that he was using her to build a bomb big enough to blow up the Chantry. Upon finding this out, Hawke demands that he disarm it and promise never to do anything similar to that again. At the end of the last chapter, she breaks up with him, hoping that he would keep this promise.

* * *

**Chapter 17: The Definite Truth**

* * *

Danarius grabbed her hands firmly and dragged her inside the room with such force, locking the door behind them. She struggled against him as he got behind her, pushing her down on the bed.

She looked up at him, pleading to let her go, to which he proceed to grin, calling her a whore, and other various nasty names.

"Don't touch me!" She shrieked.

He ignored her and reached down with one hand, grabbing the crotch of her panties and ripping them off. She wrestled with him all the while, but it was useless.

"Take my cock and make it feel good, whore." He commanded.

She shuddered, tears rolling down her face. So instead, he proceeded in holding her hands down next to her head, twirling his thin fingers in the air until the glowing purple restraints materialized in the air around her wrists, tying her to the bed frame.

She fought against him still, and whimpered as she fought the bonds.

He stood up and removed the rest of his robes, and then reached down to between her legs...

She tried to kick him, and the blow landed. However, it was not enough to stop him at all. Instead, he grabbed her by the ankles and did the same thing to restrain her further, clicking his tongue at her naughtiness...

Grabbing her by the throat, his voice sounded raspy and delighted at her torture: "Be a good little bitch - we can do this the easy way or the hard way. It _is _your fault for teasing me, you know."

And as he proceeded to lick her cunt, he was surprised to find her soaking wet. Not in a million years would he had guessed she was a woman being taken against their will to do such deeds. Though she struggled, her expression showed the signs of a woman being pleased, not a woman being taken.

"You little whore, you're liking this, aren't you?" He grinned.

"No, I want you to stop! Please..."

But he didn't stop; in fact, he shoved two fingers up her pussy and pushed them in as deeply as he could. She whimpered and wigged her body around. Bending down next to her wetness, he continued to fuck her with his hand as he licked her to taste the sweet nectar.

She fought hard not to cum but it was inevitable.

"Please..." She begged as her chest heaved after it was done. "Let me go."

"I'm afraid I can't do that." He told her. "I'm going to have much more fun with you, sera Hawke. See, you're going to be my little whore from now on."

Her expression turned to horror and utter desperation. Her struggles were useless, but she still tried until she was tired. Yet she could not stop him from crawling up between her legs and rubbing the head of his swollen cock against her dripping cunt.

"Please don't..." She begged.

He rubbed the head on her a bit more and pushed into her quivering hole.

She shrieked a bit, tears falling from her cheeks as she looked away from him.

He started rhythmically thrusting into her, placing his hand on her throat and threatening her viciously. She screamed and begged for his to stop, but he ignored her. He then picked up the pace and pounded her pussy harder and harder.

His hand tightened on her throat and he asked her with a disgusting grin how his cock felt in her pussy. She shook her head back and forth and gagged a few times from the grip he had on her neck. He then released his grip on her and bit her nipple hard. She yelped and then her eyes closed...

Fenris woke up, snapping up in shock with his chest heaving, heart pounding, and sweat dripping. His sheets were tangled and a mess. It took him a while for him to realize where he was, what had happened, what had _not _happened, and what he was supposed to be doing today.

The first thing he did was take a deep breath.

It was just a nightmare, after all.

* * *

_Promise me to never do this sort of thing ever again._

Would he honor that deal?

The answer to her internal debate was left largely unanswered in the following days.

Anders was making himself quite scarce. He seldom left his clinic, and was only seen wandering the Hightown Marketplace once every so often. His face was disgruntled, his hair tangled, and his face unshaven. Visually, he looked shaken up, perhaps even more so than Hawke.

A part of her felt depressed and heartbroken. For the next few days, even as she slept, she would dream of all the times she had spent with Anders – flirting at picnics... dancing in her bedroom with the window open, her head rested on his shoulder, with the nice night breeze in her hair... kissing his cheek when she left his clinic... that necklace he had made for her once upon a time... all the times she had sneaked up behind him, wrapped her arms around his neck to surprise him... the way he laughed at all her jokes... and the way he moaned quietly as her kisses trailed down his neck...

But seeing Andes so distraught in the aftermath of their relationship made her feel pained and guilty. Yet she was ashamed to admit that the other half of her was relieved to have been freed from a man of such heavy burdens, and such dark thoughts.

The idea that he had wanted to blow up the Chantry and commit mass genocide still made her shudder – it was the only thing that kept her back from apologizing to Anders. Every time she felt as if everything had been her fault, she forced herself to think about how his actions could have led to a full-on war between the mages and templars. His actions would have sparked something much greater, and it was her duty as Champion to see that it had been put to a halt – for good.

The next thing that she had to do, following directly after she had broken up with Anders, was something that she had been dreading terribly – to break the news to everyone else that she and Anders were 'over'. Of course, she didn't really think that any of her friends had been keeping tabs on her relationship with the mage (except Varric, perhaps). Nevertheless, she had strolled over to the Hanged Man and decided that it would be a good thing to break the news. Hopefully, perhaps she would find a nice drinking buddy to wallow her depression with – most likely Isabella.

Anders was nowhere in sight, of course. She hadn't been within a mile of him for the past few days. However, she was _always _correct in assuming that at the very least, Isabella and Varric would be at the pub, which they were. With the addition of mostly everyone, except Sebastian.

_Fuck. I didn't even remember..._

Today was their usual Game Night. The realization hit her when she saw the elf sitting at his usual spot, with his chin resting on his armored hands, looking at his cards in a aggravated manner.

"Not a very good poker face, Broody." Varric smirked as he placed his ace in the pile.

Fenris growled but said nothing. His game was over.

Isabella smirked and looked up as Hawke made her way towards the table.

Fenris' eyes darted over to the shadowy figure before him, and when he realized it was her, his eyes quickly darted back to his hands. His expression, however, became less scowling.

"You're here." Aveline looked surprised. "I thought you were too tired today."

"I was," Hawke nodded, remembering her excuse to turn in early from work today. "I just... I was tired and needed a nap. I've been having trouble sleeping lately."

Isabella snickered but Hawke ignored her.

In truth, she had gone home because she could hardly stand the idea of going to Darktown today – which was required for the job Aveline had set them up for that afternoon. But Hawke was not too keen on meeting Anders, and instead told her friends she was feeling awfully tired. As a result, she had gone back to the Hawke estate, collapsed in bed, looked out the window in her bedroom, and started reminiscing about her recently-diminished relationship until she found the strength to wipe away her tears and get a hold of herself.

"Is Anders not coming today, again?" Isabella asked. It was a completely innocent question, of course. (Ironic because Isabella was asking it.)

"Um... no." Hawke shuffled her feet a little. "I ...ah... I actually have some bad news..." She looked down, unsure of what to do. She didn't want to sit down with everyone – not with all the eyes staring and all the faces so close to hers. This was slightly embarrassing – and if anything, she was beginning to regret even bringing it up. Maybe she should just... not mention it.

"What? Did you finally kill him because of his incessant sermons?"

"Partially," Hawke grinned weakly. "Anders and I won't be … that is – actually Anders won't be joining us today." She added the last part quickly, hoping it sounded pretty casual.

"Is he sick?" Varric raised his eyebrow. "Did you beat him up? Maker, was he being _that _annoying, Hawke?"

"Oh, he'll be fine. He can heal his own wounds, after all." Isabella snickered. "Gives you more room to... explore."

Hawke shook her head and still smiled, though half of it was genuine this time. She found their humor, though slightly ill-placed, to be soothing to her mood.

Isabella smiled back, leaning over to Varric and whispering (quite loudly). "Anders probably can't join because he's exhausted, from... you know."

"Oh, is that so?" Aveline frowned. "I suppose _that's_ why Hawke was tired today."

"Oh-ho! Did you just take part in _my _joke?" Isabella's eyes lit up. "Perhaps you've still got some spark left in you, Aveline! And here I thought you were all frowns and no smiles."

"Don't think too much on it." Aveline advised, though she still wore the smirk.

"Why aren't you sitting down, Hawke?" Varric asked, motioning to the empty seat next to him.

Hawke opened her mouth to oblige, but then her thoughts wandered off.

If her friends were going to keep thinking she and Anders were still dating, she would be harboring a secret from them. They would also keep bringing it up, ignorant of the fact. Of course she didn't want to divulge her personal life every time something happened, and this was _definitely _not something she wanted to talk about to them – but it needed to be done, and even though she thought about just letting her friends think as they wished, she owed them a lot – enough to tell them the truth.

"I broke up with Anders." She announced with one large breath.

The chattering at their table stopped. The room became silent. Even more so, they were in Varric's room, and the door was closed. Some privacy was ideal, but now that it was silent, all the eyes were directed at her and she felt embarrassed, ashamed even.

The first questions that exploded on her were 'Maker, what happened?" and 'Why?". But Hawke had already thought of what to tell them – she and Anders had discussed it already – well, with mainly her doing the 'discussing'.

"Is that why we haven't seen him around for the past few days?"

"How did it happen?"

"Did you break up with him, or did he?"

"Do you need me to introduce you to a new friend of mine?"

"Hold on, hold on, everybody." Varric put his hands up to silence the team. "If Hawke doesn't feel up to talking about it, let's just let it be."

Hawke was very appreciative of this gesture. But alas, perhaps talking about it would make her feel slightly better. Of course, her promise to Anders never to divulge the underlying reason to their break up was to be kept. But that didn't stop her from talking about everything else.

"It was just not working out." She shrugged, trying to be casual about it.

"But you were together for three years!" Merrill exclaimed. "If you need a friend, you know you can always visit me at my home – though it's not much of a home, I suppose. I'm still trying to fix all the holes in the roof. And recently, I think I've gotten a small infestation of mice, and – oh, I'm ranting again, aren't I?""

Isabella put a hand on the elf mage's shoulder and turned to Hawke. Her face was not as sympathetic as the others, but instead she had her usual grin on – classic Isabella.

"Sooooo... that means you're single now, aren't you?"

"Of course."

"So we can have nice girl-time without silly boys interfering!"Isabella giggled.

"It depends on what you mean by 'girl-time'," Hawke smirked.

"Oh, I think you know..." Isabella purred and winked.

Aveline scoffed in disgust and turned to Hawk instead.

"Are you sure you're alright?" She asked. "Need me to help you take your mind off things?"

"If by 'taking my mind off things' you mean finding me more jobs to do, then I'll pass." Hawke smiled, understanding that this was the way the knight offered her condolences.

"Well, I give you my apologies, Hawke." Varric told her. "But hey – if you look on the bright side, there will be no more of his endless routine on mages and all that other shit."

Hawke nodded, laughing lightly.

_She liked 'his endless routine on mages and all that other shit'. She had learned over time to enjoy them._

Yet all of her friends were trying hard to make her feel tons better. She had never felt so grateful and relieved to have them. Their cheer and light-hearted humor had made things go very well. Every time her mind started drifting off to her depressing memories, one of her buddies would start off another topic, to which her mind would become so distracted and busy that she had absolutely no time thinking of anything else. The alcohol, of course, also helped.

With time, she knew that she would get over this – she had the best friends in Thedas to help her over it. Even Fenris, who had said few words of comfort, had made eye contact with her and, in that split moment, smiled in compassion across the table.

* * *

Nothing could explain the roaring feeling he had within him when he heard her utter those words. Was this real? Did it really happen as she had said? Why would she even bother telling the rest of them about something so personal? In the end, it didn't matter – because it was good news to him.

She had decided that he was right – the abomination wasn't what he seemed. Furthermore, Hawke was not with Anders. The idea was so... exhilarating.

Fenris could not even explain to himself how good he felt knowing that Hawke had finally broken up with Anders. Normally, he would feel bad for her – but this was different. He had waited for this for too long. And now that it had happened, he dared to say that he was the happiest at that table for her news.

But then he felt a fool.

He was rejoicing at the fact that the woman he loved, but would never be his, was a single woman. But she was not _his _woman. No, she was not _ever _going to be his woman. It wasn't even that she was above him – it was the fact that for _three years, _he had done nothing but try to forget about her, and he imagined that she had done the same. But this left loose ends once more.

The possibilities were endless. And it scared him, just as it had years ago.

What was he to do?

He didn't want to be with her.

Oh, but he _did. _He wanted to very badly.

But he couldn't even protect her. Once his past caught up with him, she would be in danger. He would become a burden to her – he would sully her title as Champion. He, by right, had no place by her side. It was ridiculous for him to even think that he had such entitlement.

But he loved her. _He never stopped loving her_. Even after taking numerous women to bed over the years, he had never stopped to forget about her. Seeing her nearly every day broke his heart when he thought about it. He loved her so much, even from a distance – his desires to have her ate at him frequently – his need to pursue her, to possess her... to _crush_ her with desire.

No, he shouldn't' be having such powerful feelings – they were unhealthy. How many times did he had to alert himself? How many times did he had to talk himself out of it? Particularly on this night, he was having a hard time controlling himself.

Besides him, he felt a sharp jab that interrupted his thoughts.

Isabella winked at him and nudged her head slightly towards his object of affection.

"She's working up quite a bill." She told him. "Why not walk her home when the time comes?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about, daft elf." Isabella rolled her eyes. "Stop playing with me."

"I thought you liked playing." He smirked at the pirate.

"Not with things that are out of bounds."

"Out of bounds?" His eyebrows rose.

"You're no longer mine to woo." Isabella said unhappily. "Call it woman's intuition."

"I wasn't aware I was yours to begin with." Fenris muttered.

"Oh, everyone is." She purred. "They just don't know it."

Fenris shook his head, a curl still on his lips. When he looked up, however, he watched Hawke spill a tiny but of her drink onto the table. She and Varric were chatting about something rather silly, and they were laughing quite loudly.

Yet it seemed to him that her eyes were merely glazed over... with a weariness that could not be blamed on exhaustion. He immediately was guilty for feeling glad at her heartbroken disposition. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to feel sad for her break up. Regardless of how he went about it, he was happy for her relationship – or lack thereof.

"Come on now, Hawke. Let's get you home." Isabella got up and started reaching for Hawke's arms. "Before you become too drunk. Trust me."

"You're _looking out for_ Hawke?" Aveline said, surprised.

"Bite me." Isabella made a face at the Guard-Captain as she helped Hawke up on her feet.

"You're right." Hawke said, clutching her head and shaking it as if to get herself more alert. "I think I've had enough. I don't want to say anything stupid..."

"Good girl." Isabella looked over at Fenris and motioned for him to come over to help.

Fenris paused for a second, but when Varric also gave him a similar look, the elf had little choice. He stood up and grabbed a hold of Hawke, swinging one of her arms around his neck and placing his hand around her waist.

"Come on." He said quietly under his breath.

"What? Why you? Why not Isabella?"

"Sorry love, I've made plans already." Isabella winked.

As the pair wandered out of the bar, Varric tapped on Isabella's leg.

"I think that was too fast, don't you Rivaini?" He asked. "I mean, Hawke _just _got out of a relationship with Blondie. They were pretty close, after all. You might be breaking ol' Broody's chances by setting them up so soon."

"Trust me, Varric." Isabella smirked. "I know what I'm doing."

* * *

The walk back to her home was not as difficult physically, mainly because Hawke was fully capable of walking on her own (though not in a very straight line, Fenris noted). In any case, the ease of her walking alone did not match the level of awkwardness between the two.

Fenris watched over her as she paced herself back to the mansion. She seemed to have difficulty adjusting herself to walk properly, but at least she was trying. That meant she wasn't completely shit-faced yet. It made him wonder what she was thinking, but he didn't want to ask.

"You didn't have to walk me." She told him quietly, her eyes closed as she stopped in the middle of the vacant street. Her brows were furrowed into a frown, as if she was trying to wake herself up from her half-drunken demeanor. They both knew that it would not work, but at least she was trying.

"You are not in a state to protect yourself." He told her, helping her keep balance.

Touching her brought back memories...

"I an perfectly capable of protecting myself." She insisted, snapping away. "I don't need you to follow me."

He sighed. "Must you be so stubborn, Hawke? I just don't want you getting hurt."

"Too late for that." She snapped.

He was taken aback my her lashing words. It had clearly been direct in spite towards him. And he suddenly realized that she was angry at him, because she knew that he had been the single most-relieved person at the table who had been rooting for her break-up to happen.

"Hawke, I'm sorry about the pain you're going through." He started. "But I'm not going to apologize for Anders and whatever happened between the two of you."

"I wasn't asking you to!" She told him, glaring.

"Then why must you be so hostile?"

"Because I didn't want to let you know what happened." She told him. "Because I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing that you were right."

Fenris exhaled.

He was right, she said.

So why did it pain him to see her like this? Was he actually having second thoughts? Perhaps the abomination and Hawke would have been happier together? Was that what this meant?

"I knew he would hurt you, Hawke." He said in a gentler tone.

But it didn't help make her feel any better. Her voice only rose.

"You said you would hurt me." Her eyes glistened. "That was why we couldn't be together. But in the end, it happened anyways – I got hurt. And it wasn't even with you."

"I _told _you." He warned. "I told you from the very start, Hawke."

"I suppose you're really happy about this then." She told him indignantly.

"Of course I am."

"That's _exactly _how you always are." She spat. "Enjoying others' depression and downfall. You're nothing but a brooding, demented elf. You're actually happy about me being like this, aren't you? You _actually enjoy it _when I'm miserable, don't you?"

"That's not what I meant-"

"Shut up, Fenris." She snapped. "You've never done anything but say hurtful things to me. Even when I'm hurt already, you'll stop at nothing to make me feel like I'm the worst person in the world!"

"I do not mean to do that-"

"Of course you don't!" She snapped sarcastically. "You just enjoy telling me that I was wrong, and you were right. Go ahead – rub it in my face and then leave. It's what you're the best at, isn't it?"

"You're drunk, Hawke."

"I'M NOT!" She yelled.

Fenris tried to help her from slipping, which further indicated her sobriety, and once she was up on her feet again, he sighed.

"What is that?" He asked suddenly.

"What? What's what?"

"That scar." He said. "Turn around."

She did so, and then realized what he was referring to.

"It's nothing!" She said quickly. "Just a battle wound."

"None that I have seem are that bad – what have you been fighting?" He demanded. "It seems newly acquired for you, Hawke."

"What do you care?" She lashed back. "I... I don't need to explain my everyday life to you, do I? You're not my guardian."

"You're being ridiculous, Hawke. Let me see it."

"It's just a scar!" She exclaimed. "Anders was there to help me heal it up."

"The abomination?" Fenris fumed, outraged. "I thought you said you were broken up."

"We are." She said in a quieter tone. "But I was grateful he was there to save me – otherwise who know what would have happened at home..."

"What?" Fenris' eyebrows rose. "What happened? Why wasn't I told of this?"

"I don't need to tell you everything, Fenris! Besides, I haven't had the time to. It only happened a few days ago... but I'm fine now – Anders saved me."

Fenris growled again.

"Stop that! You should be glad he came in to help!"

"Why?" He spat.

"Because if he hadn't, you would be in Tevinter serving wine to Danarius by now!" She lashed back. "They were looking for you too, you know!"

"_What?"_

His eyes lit up dangerously, and his stance became suddenly more alert.

"Who were they? Did you kill them? Were they slavers?" He asked her a stream of questioned suddenly. "How did they know to go to you? Were they aware of my whereabouts?"

"Calm your ass down, Fenris." She shrugged his claws off of her shoulders. "They're taken care of. We killed them."

"What did they tell you?" He demanded. "What happened exactly?

But then she thought about her encounter with the man who almost raped and killed her – and almost got away with taking both Fenris and Anders away from Kirkwall. The aftermath of that, of course, was her walking to the Chantry with Anders, but she wasn't about to divulge that. In fact, she didn't feel like talking about that night at all. It only made her want to cry.

"Nothing!" She insisted. "They were looking for Anders, and threatened to catch you too if I didn't tell them where he was hiding."

"How did they know to find you directly?" He asked quietly. "And so easily... this is... troubling. Tell me the details, Hawke."

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"I don't want to." She told him. "It was not... pleasant."

His face turned almost ashen when she said this. Whatever he was imagining in his mind, it made him think something horrible had happened, and she was confused at his sudden change in demeanor.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing – just tell me what happened exactly." He asked urgently.

"I told you, Fenris – I don't want to talk about it." She said firmly. "They weren't after you, so you don't need to worry about it."

"But they still knew who I was."

"I don't know if they were bluffing or not. They didn't even mention Danarius' name." She told him. "Why are you so worked up? It was a bluff, Fenris!"

"I _told you _you'd be in danger." He snarled. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Where are they?"

"They're dead, Fenris." She said again, slightly irritated.

"Then the bodies – let me see the bodies."

"I don't want to."

Hawke, I need you t-"

"It was the night I broke up with Anders." She said quietly, looking away. "I don't want to think about it, okay? I just don't. You wouldn't understand."

He let out a deep breath and glared at her.

"You're right." He said. "I don't understand. Breaking up with the abomination was the best idea you've had so far. Being depressed about it is pointless."

"How can you say that to me?" She cried.

"Why? Because you are crying and acting pathetic over a abomination." He told her. "He is not worth it."

"And I suppose you think that _you _are?" She asked him, glaring.

"That's not what I meant."

"I should have let the slavers have you." She said hatefully. "Just as I should have let the Templars have Anders."

It pierced his heart like a thousand spears – her words made his stomach churn and twist, gurgle and bubble up like a volcano. His head hurt and his heart pounded – the adrenaline pumped furiously and sweat dripped down the side of his face.

He was angry.

Was she really _that _angry at him for saying something so obvious that she would once against compare his to Anders? He was beginning to believe her, even. Perhaps he _was _just as bad. Yet, even in her drunken stupor, was saying all this not 'going too far'?

Perhaps he was a dense elf, but even he had boundaries.

His brows arched downwards into a heavy frown and he immediately let out a deep breath and started stalking away from her. She could walk the rest of her way home just fine, he decided.

_Screw this._

* * *

_No. No, don't go. I don't want to be alone. Don't go. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it._

_Come back._

_Come back._

_I'm sorry._

_I'm so sorry._

_It was my fault._

_I'm sorry..._

Her feet carried her as fast as they could towards the white blur before her. The wind blew through her hair, and the cold air only served the wake her more from her buzzed status. She didn't even realize that she was tearing up until now.

The moment she gained up to him, he was still walking from her, and as she ran, she stretched out her arms and grabbed him from behind.

She wrapped her arms around his waist.

She stopped him from leaving this time.

She didn't want to lose him. Not this time, at least.

"Don't go..." She let out a tiny sob. "Don't go... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

And slowly, she felt Fenris' arms lift up and a pair of warm hands, calloused and rough (oh, but so familiar), cradled her own hands warmly.

When he turned to face her, she dropped her head down to look at the floor. She counted to herself all the buckled that were on his armor – and gazed at the Amell crest that he still wore, to this very day. It lifted her heart to see it – and it made her feel incredibly stupid for saying such hurtful things to him.

She didn't want to gaze into his face. She was afraid what he might say next.

Her hands, still wrapped within his, were placed lightly against his chest. She could feel his every heartbeat. Her breaths quivered, and the streaks of tears on her face became cold due to the windy night breeze.

"I didn't mean to..." She said quietly. "I was just angry. I haven't... I haven't been in the best moods lately. I … I'm sorry."

And then a wonderful thing happened.

Fenris pulled her closer, and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

She could feel him place his chin on top of her head as they stood at the end of the Hightown staircase towards his mansion – just standing there in each other's arms.

This embrace had been long delayed.

She closed her eyes and realized that it was everything she had been dreaming about in the past few years. This was... liberating.

"I know you didn't mean it." He said in a soft voice, quite uncharacteristic of him if it weren't for the fact that once upon a time, she had heard him speak in this manner to her before. "I'm sorry – I should not have taken my anger out on you."

"I didn't mean to... tell you that I would turn you over to the slavers." She told him. "I... I care about you too much to do that. Believe me."

"I know." He answered simply. "I know..."

He cupped her face and pulled her close.

And that was when he did it. Without a thought.

Even if he died tomorrow, he would be happy.

He kissed her.

He wanted to let her know that he cared. But words could not describe what he felt for her. She was the meaning to his life, his light in the dark – his world. He did not want to let her go, ever again.

"What are you doing?" She asked, her voice quiet and quivering. If she was drunk at all that night, she wouldn't know it. She felt quite sober right now. Her eyes blinked once, twice – Fenris still remained in her vision. Was she not dreaming this?

"I love you, Eden." He whispered when he pulled away. "More than anything in this world. That is the definite truth."

* * *

**A/N:**Unfortunately, I don't want to jump into the Fenris x Hawke smut that quickly, otherwise it would seem like Hawke barely got to have a little break to herself. This chapter in itself did not go as planned, and seemed rushed. Sorry about that!

Also, this update was slightly delayed because I got sidetracked with DnD stuff, and installing a new OS for my computer because Windows finally crapped out on me (Yay, Linux!) In other news though, my boyfriend thinks it's perfectly fine for me to write fanfiction, and said it was silly for me to hide it from him. Daaawwww... :D

Anyways, next update will be in a few days, thanks for staying with me!~


	18. The Banquet Inception

**Summary:** After Fenris breaks her heart, Hawke decides to start a new relationship with Anders. After a few years of their serious relationship, however, Hawke finds out that the mage was using her all along to gather alchemical ingredients, not a potion to help cleanse him of Justice, but a bomb capable of blowing up the Chantry, in hopes of making a political statement for the freedom of Mages. Angry at him for using her and lying, Hawke forces him to get rid of his dangerous device, and also breaks up with him. Days later, while still trying to get over her recent break-up, Hawke and Fenris walk home together, where the two finally reconcile and profess their love!

* * *

**Chapter 18 - The Banquet (Inception)**

* * *

What this meant for them, she had little to no clue. She didn't want to be falling into another relationship too soon – she knew that _for sure_.

Yet the way that night had made things, she felt immediately allured. If she had indeed been trapped into a bottomless pit because of Anders, her spiraling journey was now reversed because Fenris had given her the wings to fly upwards.

She didn't even know what to say. It was all very new, and sudden.

With his hands cupping her face, she gazed into that ocean of gleaming olive colors and lost herself. There was nothing she wanted to do more than spend her nights with this elf, no matter what past they had together. No matter how long they had spent apart – theirs was a bond that could not easily be broken. It was not even because of the incredible sex – she and Fenris had had a connection from the very beginning. It was a connection that she tried hard to find for weeks when she was with Anders.

Yes, both she and Fenris had both been temperamental and hasty in judgment in the past, but perhaps this was their second chance.

But if so, was this really such a good idea?

For the past few days, she had been mourning her long-term relationship with Anders – one that had lasted for _three whole years_. She had finally admitted to herself that she shared more of a brotherly love for the mage. But another half of her was convinced that deep down she had desperately wished (and tried) to love Anders the way a man and woman loved one another. This latter part of her, more or less, told herself that it had succeeded in the past 3 years – even if it had been an illusion.

Had she loved Anders, or was she fooling herself? She hadn't forgotten how their relationship started – it was merely a 'bet' of sorts she had with Fenris to begin with. However, she couldn't deny that a part of her at that time desired to have a meaningful relationship with a man that _didn't_ twist her heart in all four directions of the winds. That man had been Anders.

But was Anders not a rebound to begin with? Fenris had left her, and to spite the elf for his hurtful words, she turned to Anders instead. Even though she had told Anders about her past with Fenris, she never told the mage about her 'threat'. Towards the end of that year – the little voice in the back of her mind had told her that it no longer mattered, because by that time Fenris had long been avoiding her, and the silence between the two of them only tore the gapping rift wider.

That was when Hawke decided to stay with Anders – more and more often. It was to this point that she convinced herself that she cared for him – which she did. She even loved him, very dearly. Just not in the way she imagined.

That was all before she realized that she was not the one for him.

She could not help him in the way he needed her to.

And he was not going to change because of her.

To Anders, who she was convinced loved her at least in the beginning of their blossoming relationship, Hawke was expendable. To Anders, who had decided to use her for his destructive ploy for gaining freedom for the mages, a political standpoint which she _didn't even oppose_, Hawke was unimportant. To Anders, she had just been a stepping stone that helped him reach greater distances that he had otherwise never have imagined. To Anders, it was perfectly fine to lie to her about freeing him from Justice's curse in order to obtain what he wanted – to make a statement by killing thousands of people.

Somewhere along the line, she had lost him in that black sea – Anders had swam far away from her, and she was almost sure that her voice could not reach him anymore. She didn't even know what to say to him anymore, because she felt as if she had long-since lost him, she just didn't know it until it was too late.

If she had tried harder, would this have happened?

If she had tried harder to understand him, and been there for him, would she and Anders be laughing happily together, rolling around in her bedsheets? Would be be sneaking into her room late at night? Would she still have the opportunity to surprise him during his lunchtime with homemade sandwiches?

Regret and sadness were tugging at her sleeve again.

By the time she pulled herself back into present time, she was crying again and it was already too late to conceal.

Fenris still had his hands on her cheeks, gently wiping away her rolling tears with his thumbs and staring intently at her blushed face. He pulled her closer to him, embracing her with his warmth. She could feel his breathing brush against her hair, and the metal claw of his armor rest around the back of her head.

"I'm sorry," He softened his voice to a quiet murmur. "Was it what I said?"

She shook her head against his neck and sniffled, embarrassed.

It wasn't that she didn't love Fenris anymore. No, it was far from that. The opposite, in fact. From the moment she took off running after him a few minutes ago, she realized the truth: She loved him _too much - Far too much._

He was so warm against her skin... His eyes were so beautiful, gleaming under the moonlight, staring right through her and sending shivers down her spine. The way he looked at her was enough to make her melt. His gaze was filled with compassion and the desire that nearly mirrored her own.

"Hawke?"

His voice echoed in her ears, millions of times.

When he was standing this close, talking to her in the low voice near her ear, she felt a immediate walk down memory lane – and a instant reminder of his most seductive qualities – his daunting voice.

From the moment she met him, she remembered, his voice had been most distinctive and alluring trait for her, and she felt as if she _had to_ help this strange elf track down his former master. His voice was so suave and refined for a elven slave. In the early years of their friendship, her childish crush on Fenris had granted her mind limitless records of his voice from their adventures together – and she had thoughts about all the things she wanted him to say to her in that voice, even the naughty lines, of course.

Yes, she had felt an immediate attraction, an immediate bond. From there on, she tried to spend as much time with him as possible, and that was when their relationship reached new heights – because she learned that he had felt the same about her.

"Hawke," Fenris was still staring at her intently. Her tears were gone now. "Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head.

"No, I just..." She paused. "I just... I'm thinking about... about us."

His hand lowered from her face, and she couldn't tell if the smile on his face was one of sad nostalgia, or joyful relief.

"Well, perhaps we can discuss 'us' somewhere else." He suggested. "It's getting cold out here, and it's not wise for us to stay out so late for too long. These streets are not safe, you of all people should know."

She bit her lip, unsure of what to do.

But Fenris gently tugged on her hand, and she suddenly realized that he had been holding it. Together, they started walking towards her Hightown manor. It was just a few steps away, after all. Her heart beat slightly faster, and she felt a blush come across her face. She was glad it was dark out.

She opened the door gently, and Fenris followed, closing it quietly behind him.

"I won't stay for long." He assured her as he noted her nervous expression. He stood close to the entrance door and smiled, though it was a somewhat sad smile.

"It's okay." She swallowed. "I'm just.. I just need some time."

"You want to think things over?" He asked.

She hung up the small sashes from her armor, laying it on the coat rack. She then sat down to take off her leather boots to place underneath the rack. When she was done, she walked over to him and grabbed both of his calloused hand, flipping them over to admire his overworked hands.

"I... I'm not..." She avoided looking at his face – she was afraid how this would go, and she didn't want to see what expression he'd make. "Fenris, I... I love you, but..." Her voice became weak and trailed off.

"But?" His voice whispered quietly above her.

"I need some time..." She swallowed.

"You don't feel the same way."

She didn't even need to see his face to know what he was feeling. His voice, filled with hurt and sadness, pierced her heart like a cold icicle. She hated hearing him sound so pained. She immediately looked up and stared into those gloomy eyes. She slid her hand up and down his arm to comfort him and reassure him.

"I _do _want to be with you, Fenris. Believe me." She said quickly. "I... I love you, and I want to be with you. Trust me. I want to be..."

She took a deep breath.

"... more than friends." She finished.

"But you need time." He repeated.

She nodded.

Did she really need to explain? Did he not understand that she had just gotten out of a really long relationship and didn't want to move in on things too fast? Oh wait – he never liked Anders to begin with, why would he care? Besides, Hawke half suspected that Fenris never considered her relationship with Anders 'real'.

"I need time." She repeated again. "I just want to get over... Anders."

She immediately saw the scowl appear on Fenris' face at the mention of her past lover's name. Of course – what else kind of reaction did she expect from him?

"You need to get over... Anders." His eye twitched slightly at the mere utterance of Anders' name, but Hawke was glad that Fenris hadn't called Anders an 'abomination' this time.

"Please understand." She begged. "Fenris, you _know _that I mean what I say. I've loved you... in the past _and_ the present. Nothing has changed about that. I just want some space. It … It doesn't mean I don't want this relationship. I do, I want to start over again, with you. I just... I'd like to be ... casual about it."

"But you don't want to be serious." He pointed out.

She could tell that he was trying to figure out what exactly she meant by saying that she needed 'time'. To be honest, she didn't know herself.

"I just... I don't want to rush into things too fast." She admitted. "I don't know how well this will work out with me being like this right now. But I want to be with you, I do. I just don't want to ruin this – I don't want to screw it up. It means... a lot to me."

It was strange, she thought, that she was being so truthful and straight-forward. She even felt proud of herself, having gone this far. She remembered back in the earlier years, when she was unsure about how she felt, she would stick with the first thing that sounded nice in her head. But now, she wanted this relationship to be the right one – and if she had learned anything from her relationship with Anders, it was that _honesty was key_.

Fenris looked at her intently, his right hand clutching hers tightly.

"You don't have to worry." He reassured her. "I'm not going anywhere."

She smiled. When did he become so understanding?

"You... aren't mad?" She asked meekly in a voice she could barely recognize as her own.

He smirked, in that way that made her lips trembled and made her knees go weak to the bone. It was a mysterious smirk that often made her wonder what exactly he was thinking. How could he do that to her so easily? Damn this elf!

"I'm not angry with you, no." He reassured her. "Though if I hear anything else that has to do with that damned abomination, I can't guarantee that I won't wring his neck with my bare hands."

He said that last with such conviction it made her tremble – and it turned her on at the same time, she was embarrassed to think. It was that fierce determination and possessiveness that she lusted for the most, and she hoped desperately that Fenris didn't notice her blush slightly.

"Don't be like that..." She said quietly.

It was strange to be feeling turned on by him, but reminded by the mentioning of Anders at the same time. It was strange to be happy and sad at the same time; this was a first for her. But she reminded herself that the feelings of wanting to 'quickly move on' from one lover to the next only led to a slow and deteriorating relationship. She didn't want that to happen with Fenris – at all.

"Then," He paused, diverting the conversation topic from Anders. "You want to take things slowly." It was less of a question and more a statement.

She nodded.

"Please understand." She told him. "It's my fault, Fenris. I just - I think I just need to take a break from any serious relationships for a while. I don't want to hurt you by diving right into another one."

Her voice was quiet and slow, as if she was afraid of what he would say next.

All she could hear was a long exhale from him, and she closed her eyes to await his words of disappointment and disapproval. Her chest was pounding, and she grew hot with anticipation.

"You don't want... to have a serious relationship." He said slowly. Was it _that _hard for him to understand, honestly?

She looked up, and their eyes met.

"Not so soon." She told him. "I just want to... be more relaxed and casual."

Fenris' face told her everything she needed to know – he was hurt, yet trying to be as understanding as he could. But at the same time, the angry side of him was still visible, loathing Anders for hindering Hawke's decision to take a break from intimate relationships, and irritation at Hawke herself for being so sensitive over the man who Fenris hated with a passion.

Still, she appreciated his self-restraint, and understood that this was a huge step from his usual, hot-headed self. A part of her was glad to see that she had not been the only one to change. Could it be that this time, things might work out?

"We can take things slow." She assured him again, squeezing the hand that held hers. She didn't want him to look so pained, and she certainly didn't want him thinking she wasn't interested. She hoped that he understood as much as he led on – and that he wasn't too angry with her, or Anders (or maybe just her).

"Take things... slow." He said those words as if he was testing them.

She knew that he had waited for this. Hell, she had technically been waiting for three years for them to come back together. This was not the way she had planned it, of course. But under the circumstances, she didn't want to make things worse by jumping into another relationship so quick – she didn't want to ruin her chances of having the future she had once imagined with Fenris years ago.

No, she told herself, she had to play her cards carefully this time.

"I promise." She leaned close to him, smiling. "I promise I won't be long."

His breath quickened as she neared him, and she felt her cheeks flush before him. Their chests touched, and Fenris, backed against her entrance door, opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him for a hugs.

"I don't want you to think I don't care." She said again. "I don't want you to think that you haven't crossed my mind at all in these past few years, because I _have_ thought of you – numerous times. I just... am glad that you're still here, and that you understand me."

"Hawke..."

She felt him exhale, his heart beating against her, and then she felt his arms wrapping themselves around the small of her back. The warmth of their bodies together was enough to draw her in – she felt like a magnet – attracted only to him.

"I've always understood." He said quietly in her ear.

With their arms around each other, she hung on to him tightly, savoring the moment. She smiled as she stared at his point ears, and restrained herself from tracing the markings on his neck with her tongue...

She pulled herself away from him. If they stayed together like that any longer, she would have to put a restraining order on... well, herself.

"I'm sorry." She apologized, curling her messy hair behind her ear. "I... I shouldn't have. I meant it when I wanted to be casual..."

"Did you?"

She couldn't tell if he was teasing.

"For now." She corrected, smiling.

She leaned over, and kissed him on the cheek.

But his arm managed to snake around her waist so swiftly she let out a little yelp in surprise as he pulled her close against him once more. Their chests touched once more, and her heart started racing.

When she turned to look at him, he kissed her lips for the second time that night. The sweet taste immediately invaded her lips, her mouth, and her thoughts – her fantasies and memories of the past started to resurface once more.

She wanted to grab him, drag him to her bedroom, and make him hers for all of eternity, and beyond. She so strongly desired the night of her dreams, where Fenris would be looming over her in bed, just as he had in her dreams. She wanted that animal inside of him – the animal that she knew he only released while in her presence. After that night three years ago, he had left her wanting so much more.

So what were they waiting for? She wanted him, heart and soul. She wanted to take that bite of his heart he so willingly offered – she _desired _him with such intensity it was making her burn inside. She grew hotter by the minute...

But then they pulled away, almost as if they simultaneously realized that it would go against all the words they had just spoken – if this continued, she would be doing something she might regret later, and Fenris was not about to force Hawke into their relationship too quickly. It was clear he wanted to have a serious relationship with her, and vice versa – but the timing would have to be another time.

"I missed you." She confessed. "I missed this... so much."

"Still want to take things slow?" He smirked again, reaching for the doorknob.

She laughed, half wanting to say 'no' just to bed the damn elf.

"_You_ are a tease." She told him.

"No more than you." He said as he stepped outside into the cool night.

She leaned against the doorway, looking at him with dreamy eyes. She didn't even care if she looked stupid doing it. She had forgotten how good Fenris made her feel – how much she missed him.

"So, just to make sure-" She charmed. "You're truly fine with this?"

"Of course not." He told her, as if he found the entire ordeal ridiculous. "But... I don't want to force you into anything you don't want again."

She assumed by saying 'again', he was referring to the way he had indirectly forced her into a relationship with Anders. She smiled sadly.

"I appreciate your understanding, Fenris."

He looked at her, amused. "I hope you know I want more than a 'casual friendship', Eden." He practically breathed her first name, making the smile on her face wider and wider.

"Well, perhaps in a little while..." She looked away from him shyly. "Perhaps after a little while... we can get to the fun stuff."

He smirked – her favorite expression from him.

"I can't wait."

"I'll see you tomorrow?" She smiled, a little sad that he was leaving.

He nodded.

"_Valla kelares_." He smiled.

"I'm sorry?"

He chuckled. "It is the closest thing to 'good night' in Arcanum." He explained.

"I see I'll be needing to brush up on my Arcanum." She smiled.

"Only if you wish."

She smiled. "Well, good night to you, Fenris."

He nodded and started walking.

"Hawke?"

"Yes?"

"I expect to see some of Aveline's men outside your home starting tomorrow." He said as he walked off into the night.

She opened her mouth but didn't even have enough time to disapprove. Fenris was gone up the steps towards his home.

* * *

That night, her thoughts were filled with mixed emotions.

One moment, she was immensely pleased and giddy with the thought of Fenris. Just believing that all of that was _real _in itself was amazing. She didn't even think that it was possible because half of her was still convinced it was a dream.

She had ran after him, put down all her pride and ran after him, the result of which had been grand. But then the next moment she suddenly felt as if she was betraying herself, and everything she had told herself. She had made the right decision, right? She had decided, for the sake of its potential, that taking a little break from a serious relationship would be most wise.

Then why did she feel so guilty?

Had she always been thinking about Fenris, even when she was with Anders? No, she didn't recall ever doing such a thing to the mage, except for the first time they had gotten together. But after that, she had tried hard not to compare to two.

Jumping right into a relationship after the one she had just recently gotten out of made this decision harder for more than one reason. She didn't want to seem promiscuous, for one, but she also didn't want to jump into a new relationship too soon, especially if it dealt with Fenris, whom she harbored the deepest (and darkest) feelings for. Furthermore, as much as she wished it wasn't true, a part of her was still not done mourning her past relationship with Anders. Occasionally, she would still be reminded of the good times the two of them had spent together.

She sighed and tucked herself under the covers.

Going to sleep wasn't going to be easy, after all.

* * *

"Psst. Hey – pssst."

Hawke frowned and looked quizzically towards Isabela.

What did she want _now?_

She slowed her pace so that she and her pirate friend were walking behind Fenris and Varric. They talked in hushed voices, Isabella smirking the entire time.

"So..." She started. "What happened last night with Fenris? Come on – spill it!"

"My, Isabela! You're a nosy one, aren't you?" Hawke smirked. "Why, I have _no idea_ what you're talking about!" She giggled.

"Oh, boo." Isabela crossed her arms as they walked. "It's no fun keeping secrets to yourself!"

"I never said I was keeping anything to myself."

"Tell me then!" Isabela demanded. "Or I won't be paying you back the 5 coppers I borrowed last week! I mean it!"

"Does that _really _count as a threat, Isabella?" Hawke humored. "5 coppers is nothing. I'm offended that you think my secrets are worth so little."

"But you're going to tell me eventually, so I figured, 'why waste the coin'!" Isabella shrugged.

Honestly, the pirate had little shame – but at least her honesty could be appreciated. Hawke had noticed, for one, that ever since the Arishok was gone, Isabela had become a lot more open. Even though the pirate was glum and depressed for a few weeks after giving up the Tome of Koslun, the aftermath actually proved beneficial. There was another side of Isabela that was rarely seen - a friendly persona that didn't care only for coin and personal gain.

"If you must know, we-" Hawke paused as she noticed Varric looking back at them, his eyebrows cocked in curiosity.

"Girl talk." Isabela suggested, shooing him to look the other direction.

Varric shrugged and turned back, shaking his head. He then continued his conversation with the elf; they were most likely talking about one of the Varric's latest chapters in his story. Fenris, for one, didn't seem the slightest bit interested. The only times he chimed in was to tell Varric _not _to include him in those ridiculously over-dramatic narratives.

"So?" Isabella turned back to Hawke, her voice lowered once more.

"Well..." Hawke shrugged uncomfortably. She didn't want Isabela to think her a fool for delaying her and Fenris' refreshed relationship – if that was what they were calling it.

"Don't tell me nothing became of it!" Isabela groaned, rolling her eyes. "I taught you better than that, Hawke!"

Hawke chuckled. "No, no... we did... reconcile. Ahem."

"Oh?" Isabela turned to her, smirking. "Well, don't keep a girl waiting. The suspense is killing me, Hawke."

"Let's just say we're on... good terms."

"Must you always be so ambiguous?" Isabela shook her head. "What about all the juicy details? And the sex? I tell you all of _my _stories!" The pirate licked her lips.

"Isabela, you tell those stories to me even when I _don't _want to hear about them!"

"Oh, right." Isabela paused. "But still, you can't just say that you 'reconciled' and expect to have it over with! Come on now – out with the details! Did he sweep you off your feet? Did you go up and do the nasty? Oh, what am I saying? With a body _that _delicious, who could resist? What position was it in? Orana didn't see, did she? My, I wonder what her reaction would be!"

The pirate was getting giddy over the details and Hawke hadn't even begun her story yet. To be honest, Hawke wished that she could fill Isabela in with all the juicy details the pirate desired, but there was little to be said because... well, none of that happened. Isabela would have to wait for _that _tale. But Hawke was still happy, because something _magical _had occurred last night; there was no denying it..

"You just want to know about the sex, don't you?" Hawke asked.

"Of course!" Isabela exclaimed. "Skip the boring parts and tell me those later."

By 'later', of course Isabela meant 'when they were drunk off their asses'.

"Well, there was none."

"_What?_" Isabela yelled loudly. "What do you mean?!"

Both men before them turned in alarm at Isabela's suddenly volume, and Hawke had to awkwardly shake her head and convince the two that they had been talking about some other trivial matter for Fenris and Varric to turn the other way again.

The group made their way up to the Kirkwall docks. Fenris immediately stopped by the trading tents to see what he could pawn off, assuring the rest of them he would rejoin them later. Meanwhile, Varric had been expecting some special equipment shipped to the city via his trusted shady merchant down the alley, so he walked off to the opposite direction.

As soon as the dwarf turned the corner the girls were out of earshot once more. Isabela had her hands on her hips and she was leaning against the sandstone walls. Seagulls could be heard from a distance, and the wind was particularly cooling that afternoon.

"What are you playing at, Hawke?" Isabela demanded. "I gave you a good chance, didn't I?"

"You did, Isabela." Hawke smiled appreciatively. "And I'm really glad."

"Oh, save me the speech." Isabela snorted. "I can't say I'm not disappointed in you, Hawke." The pirate said in disdain, though her lips were curled into a jesting smile.

"Well, at least we're patched up now." Hawke told her. "Besides, who knows how long it'll be before Fenris and I get back together? I told him that I wanted to take things slow at first. I didn't want to ruin things with my... well, you know, my-"

"Brooding?"

"Have I really been _that _bad?" Hawke's eyebrows rose. Had she been brooding lately?

Isabela gave her a look that read, 'are you seriously asking that?'.

Hawke sighed. "I didn't mean to bring everyone down."

"You didn't, sweetling." Isabela swung one arm around Hawke's neck and pulled her close. "We were all just worried about you, that's all."

"Well, I'm trying to get over it." Hawke smiled weakly.

"You still hurting over the silly mage?" Isabela asked. "You want me to go and hit him a few times over the head with a empty wine bottle?"

"I think you do that just fine without me requesting for it, thanks." Hawke joked.

"Oh, you give me too much credit!" Isabela said in her fake noble voice impression, laughing. "Besides, I only do that to the real sleazy ones, Hawke!"

Hawke smiled. Oh, if only Isabela knew.

Anders wasn't sleazy, of course. He was just... different. In a bad way. At least, right now, he was. But Hawke wasn't about to tell Isabela anything about _that._ She wasn't even planning on telling Fenris. For now.

"So how is 'taking it slow' going to work with him eying you all the time?" Isabela asked.

"What do you mean?" Hawke asked, surprised.

"You honestly didn't notice? My word, Hawke, you're almost as dense as – oh, nevermind." Isabella sighed. "That elf was staring at you the entire time – I almost felt like giving him a hard time for it, but I was feeling a little more generous today than usual, so I didn't."

"Lucky for him." Hawke said sarcastically.

"And don't think I didn't catch you sneaking a peek or two at his ass." Isabela smirked. "You sure know how to go for what you like, huh?"

"Look who's talking." Hawke retorted. "As I recall – before Fenris and I even had the chance to be together – you were the one who was all like 'Oh, look at those muscles' and 'I wonder how far those markings go'!"

"But it gave you ideas, didn't it?" The pirate winked. "Besides, we both found out about that, didn't we?" She giggled.

For a moment, Hawke was stunned that this was brought up.

Of course she had been angry with Isabela a while back – a year ago when Isabela and Fenris had made it known to the rest of the crew that the two had slept together. Hawke was furious inside when she found out, but expressed little of her concerns to anyone (Varric might have had a clue though). However, as the year passed, she realized that Isabela and Fenris' relationship revolved around little else other than sex, and for that she found herself strangely relived.

Fenris and Isabela had not spoken of this 'beneficial' relationship of theirs often, aside from casual remarks about it here and there. Now that Hawke thought about it, she hadn't been hearing about it nearly as much lately, though she _did _have her mind on other things so it was possible she missed something...

"Fenris and I... we were never in 'that' kind of relationship..." Isabela said quietly after a few minutes of Hawke's awkward silence. "You know that, right?"

Hawke blinked once, then twice.

"Oh – yes, I know." She shook her head slightly to regain posture and bring herself back to reality. "I know that, Isabela. Of course I know that."

"Truly?" Isabela inquired, suspicious. "Because in the _many, many _years you've known me Hawke, I would assume that you would _at the very least _know that I'm not one whose big on the whole 'relationships' deal."

"I know." Hawke laughed. "Trust me, I think _that _much is clear to all of us by now."

"Well then, no hard feelings?" Isabela asked Hawke, somewhat nervously. The pirate then added quickly - "Not that it matters, he was free game back then. I even asked you for permission, didn't I?"

Hawke smiled, nodding.

It didn't matter anymore – that was in the past. She and Isabela had never had any huge fights – and she liked it that way. In the back of her head, Hawke told herself that having a girlfriend like Isabela made things a lot easier for her – she could practically confide in the pirate about anything – even when she wanted to brag about sex – _especially _if she wanted to brag about it.

"You don't need to worry." Hawke reassured her.

"I wasn't worried." Isabela replied stubbornly. "I was just reminding you – the elf was free back then. I could have just done the deed without asking you, but I asked anyway."

"My, what a good friend you are!"

Hawke laughed, and the two girls giggled about silly things until Varric had come back with a few leather belts on his coat, and new lining on the edges. He took a moment to show off the additional secret pockets as well, to which Isabela made a rather sexual remark about (a passerby woman looked at them in scorn when this happened).

When they were done laughing and browsing through the streets, they met up with Fenris again, who was receiving the proper compensation for his loot from the elvish vendor before him.

"All done?" Hawke asked him as they approached.

"More or less," He nodded, pocketing his money. Half of which, Hawke suspected, would be going to Isabela or Varric tonight during their Wicked Grace game.

He then looked at her and smiled, which made her blush slightly and look away, embarrassed. Of course, when she did this she saw his hand, casually dangling at his side. Oh, how she wanted to reach out to hold it...

But had been the one that said they should take it 'slow', and that she needed time. It was true that she wanted to take things slow, but she also wanted to be with Fenris now more than ever. But that part of her had lost over the looming voice in the back of her head that told her to wait a while longer. It would be worthwhile, it told her.

Plus, no one except Isabela knew that she had gotten back together with Fenris – and she wanted to keep it that way, for now. She didn't want word getting out that she was so easily swayed to the opposite end – especially not to Anders.

She hadn't even seen the mage in four days – it was so _strange_. Yet somewhat liberating. The only time he had come back to her home was to collect some of his personal belongings – and she wasn't even in the house when that happened.

She felt as if she could breathe now, and that she wasn't constantly worrying about Templars coming to lock Anders up, or Justice being the death of him. Since their relationship was over (Hell, their friendship was just about done as well), Anders was no longer a primary concern of hers. All she had to do was make sure he had listened to her and kept his promise. It seemed like he was, at least for now.

* * *

It was still early in the afternoon when Hawke, Isabela, Fenris, and Varric entered the warm stone floors of the Hightown Markeplace. The people were bustling as usual, and the yelling adverts were as prominent as usual. Up the steps were a plethora of civilians, here to do their chores and get their work done. Ah, home sweet home...

Isabela groaned as they climbed the stairs up to the Chantry.

"Must we come here today?" She whined. "I was in a _good _mood."

"Really?" Varris asked. "I've always kind of liked this place. It's like a building full of sweet, old grandmothers." He said sarcastically.

Isabela snorted.

"The Chantry is the only place here that remains neutral." Hawke sighed heavily. "Let's hope it lasts." _Hopefully without any 'help' from Anders_, she added in her thoughts.

"The Chantry hasn't been swayed be either sides yet." Fenris said. "It's always been this way. In the grand scheme of things, they would be much better off if they just sided with one group to finally extinguish all this pointless debate."

"By 'one group', you mean the Templars?" Hawke asked.

"Hopefully."

Hawke wasn't about to argue. Even though she hated Anders' guts right now, she wasn't about to hold his actions accountable for the entirety of mages. She was not _that _dense.

Still, talking to Fenris about these political matters made her realize one of the few differences she and the elf shared. She suddenly felt inadequate in her knowledge about Fenris.

"I wasn't aware there even were Chantries in Tevinter." She asked as she opened the doors to the Chantry. The misty light showered the large building, which bathed in its beauty.

"Technically, Tevinter follows the Chantry." Fenris explained. "But since they broke away from the Divine, the old ways have crept back. The magisters consider blood magic a sacrifice to power their spells. They figure other, lesser sacrifices can do the same. "

Hawke nodded, understanding a bit more, happy to learn from Fenris. Were it not for the huge mage hierarchy in Tevinter, she would have been interested in touring the area sometime in the far future. She knew Bethany would be interested in it as well.

"Why is this place so bloody huge?" Isabela was muttering. "There's only ten people here all day – why do they need so much space? All this walking is pointless..."

Hawke shook her head, smiling sadly at the irritated pirate. Meanwhile, she and Fenris walked up the stairs towards the Grand Cleric, with the two other rogues following behind. Varric's weaopns clunked heavily behind his back, and Hawke swore up and down that the jingling from Isabela's coin-filled pockets could be heard from miles away.

The Grand Cleric expressed no displeasure or pleasure in seeing the Champion. Even though Hawke had openly sided with the mages on several occasions, the Grand Cleric never expressed any opinion on either, and Hawke wasn't about to make her choose. Remaining neutral, she figured, would be for the best... for now.

"Hawke!"

Sebastian turned from the altar to greet them.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know. The usual: bothering her lady Grand Cleric for some invaluable information." She smiled. "And I presume you've come to pray?"

"The usual." He smiled. "I've been thinking about what we've been talking about, and I think I've come to terms with it. What I have to do, I mean."

Hawke nodded understandably.

Sebastian had been with them for a while now. Yet the only thing Hawke had gathered from the Prince was that he desperately needed guidance. She wasn't too sure the Chantry was the place for an answer, however. Hawke had told Sebastian many times, after he had asked for her help and opinon, what she thought he ought to do as Prince of Starkhaven.

For one, Hawke was under the impression that Sebastian had been running from his responsibilities as Prince. He was the only surviving member of his noble family, and the current Starkhaven lord was rather... irrational. She thought it was not only his right, but also his duty to honor his deceased family, to set things straight. Granted he may not need to rise up and become ruler, but at the least she had told Sebastian that he ought to restore his family's honor and place in Starkhaven.

"I have no doubt that you would make a good ruler." She was reassuring him. "But that choice is up to you."

"I know," Sebastian nodded. "And I think that I've come to terms with my decision. It's time everyone knew that there is one Prince left for Starkhaven."

"Don't forget you've also got the Harriman family to back you up." Hawke pointed out. "Flora seems very eager for your return. I'd say you have as good a shot as anyone else, if not better."

Sebastian nodded. "I hope you are right." He pasued. "You know... I never got to thank you for your help, Hawke. I know I was rather hasty and angry at you for forcing me back into think about it, but I think... I think I'll find out if this is the right thing to do at the Banquet."

"Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out." She smiled, growing tired of his indecision (though she didn't show it). "At least you're going to be at banquet when you break the news. There will be plenty of food to stuff yourself with later." She smirked.

"You _are _going to it, aren't you?" He asked cautiously.

"What?" She stopped. "Me?"

"Did you forget?" He gave her a 'you're hopeless' look and pulled out a piece of parchment from his pocket. "I was sure I saw your name on the guest list. The invitations were given out a while ago. Ah – here it is: Eden Hawke. It says you're invited. Did you not receive your letter?"

It took her a while to figure out what he was talking about. At first, she was sure that all the candle fumes from the Chantry had gotten to his head (finally), but then she remembered receiving a rather intricate and ornate letter the night she was assaulted in her bedroom... oh yeah, _that _banquet.

"I remember now!" She snapped her fingers.

"What? You never told us!" Isabela chimed. "What sort of banquet? Will there be lots of food? And drinks?"

"There will, but I'm afraid it's by invitations only." Sebastian shook his head sadly. "I wish I could take you, my friends. To be honest, I'm not too good with speeches. I'm nervous enough as it is."

"Well, I'll be there to back you up." Hawke told him. "And don't worry, Isabela. I'll sneak some food back for you."

"Bah!" The pirate scowled. "I just wanted a little sampling of that pumpkin pie by the Duke's chef. He's a renowned cook, you know! And may I add that his taste in booze is impeccable? I mean, when I raided it I saw the man had a whole cellar filled with-"

The Grand Cleric gave a slight cough and Isabela quickly covered her mouth with her hand to prevent herself from letting out anymore... illegal past events of hers.

"Well, I didn't want to go anyways. A bunch of women serving drinks to their husbands and all that pointless talk. I don't miss that." Isabela muttered quietly. "Would've reminded me of my dear, poor husband."

"I keep forgetting you were married." Sebastian told her.

"It just doesn't seem right, does it?" Varric chuckled.

Sebastian smiled and then turned back to Hawke.

"It's nice to have you behind my back, Hawke. My mother always said the Amells were the best family in Kirkwall." He told her. "It's a shame they were absent from Kirkwall for so long."

"I agree." Hawke said sadly. "And now I am the only one left. Well, except Gamlen I suppose..."

"I'm surprised you never took the Amell name." Sebastian said.

Hawke shrugged. "I _did _think about it. Mother also asked me the same... but I suppose it just didn't feel right. My father was Malcolm Hawke, and I want to carry his name in honor of his fall in Lothering in the Blight."

"Understandable," Sebastian nodded. "I was merely asking because I got to thinking: once the viscount accepted you as your grandparents' heir, you could have been Lady Amell, a most powerful figure in Kirkwall."

Hawke laughed. "What, you think I don't have enough people trying to kill me already? Should I tack on some more for fun?"

Sebastian smiled, reminding her: "This isn't Antiva, Hawke. Not all nobles are targets for assassination." He said.

"And just _how_ sheltered are you?" Varric cut in. "This is Hawke we're talking about. When you've dabbled in as much shit as we have, there is no doubt she's made enemies everywhere. Why, if I were her I'd sleep with one eye open. But that's just me."

"Thanks, Varric... for that." Hawke said sarcastically.

"Still, a helpful alliance with the Champion of Kirkwall would certainly look better for my campaign." Sebastian added. "You think perhaps we should go together tomorrow?"

"Oh, sounds like a date!" Isabela nudged Hawke's side.

"Oh no! Not like that!" Sebastian waved his hands. "Don't misunderstand, I was merely suggesting that-"

"Oh? You weren't?" Isabela giggled.

"Yes, please explain." Fenris' voice could be heard from behind them, and Hawke immediately looked around to see the elf look at the prince with a certain... intensity. Was he jealous?

"It's not a date." Sebastian reassured Hawke. "I may have intentions to reclaim my throne, but I still consider myself a member of the Chantry, and I shall obey their commandments as I have so far."

The Grand Cleric sighed from the corner as he said this.

"I mean no... intentions... like those." Sebastian continued. "I was merely suggesting-"

"That you go together to the banquet!" Isabela gave the prince a suggestive look, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

"Isabela, stop teasing him." Hawke commanded.

The pirate pouted.

Hawke turned to Sebastian, who was looking at her with a rather nervous smile. She could tell that this banquet meant a lot to him, and she suddenly felt uneasy and uncomfortable.

"I mean... I suppose we'll have to go and meet there eventually... I'm sorry, I completely forgot about it! Thank you for reminding me..."

The pirate looked behind her to give Fenris a look that read 'what are you going to do about this? Your girl's going on a date with someone else'. Hawke caught on to this, however, and pulled Isabela by the arm, mouthing to the pirate to 'knock it off'.

"Well, we need not go together. It was just a suggestion." Sebastian laughed uneasily. "I didn't mean to make things awkward." He said sincerely.

"Don't be silly, Sebastian." Hawke replied. "It's only awkward because Isabela makes everything out to be so dramatic. If you would like, we could go together."

"I would very much like that." Sebastian sighed in relief. "I'm really quite anxious about this. You know, I've never been much of a prince, even if it _is _my title, so I've never really had to give any speeches. All my older siblings had to do that though. I never had to because I wasn't expected to have those kinds of duties. I was mainly concerned with... you know, hooligan antics... like drinking, sleeping with women..."

Isabela groaned. "Why couldn't I have met you _then_?"

"Well, I am sure it will be fine." Hawke reassured him, ignoring the pirate. "If it helps, we can even get Anders to-" She paused. Saying his name was strange now. "Get Anders to help you.. with your speech."

"Perhaps." Sebastian smiled, though it was more of a sad smile. Even the prince of Starkhaven had been told of Hawke's recent romantic plight. Hawke was sure Sebastian was trying to be friendly to her because of her break up with the mage.

Isabela rested her elbow on Hawke's shoulder and told Sebastian that Anders was still in Darktown should the prince need assistance, but otherwise Hawke and their team would have to be departing the Chantry soon.

"Well, we should _really _be off. Personally, I've never been much of a hymn-enthusiast, sermon-listening type." She explained. She quickly looked at the Grand Cleric and then added, "No offense."

"The Chantry takes in everyone, child." The Grand Cleric bowed to Isabela. A strange scene for Hawke to see, of course. "Whether you are aware of it or not, the Maker is everywhere around us. I will pray for you."

"Right." Isabela made a face as they walked down the stairs. Sebastian waved farewell to him, his face much more relaxed.

As they descended, Hawke bit her lip and looked towards Fenris.

It was hard to read his facial expression. She couldn't tell if he was angry or not – but she really wanted to know. He had expressed certain concern for her when Sebastian suggested she go with him to the banquet, but it was nothing to worry about. They were in a 'casual' relationship, were they not? Besides, Fenris ought to know that Hawke was not interested in anyone else, least of all Sebastian...

Still, it _did _make her slightly nervous.

* * *

**A/N: **Sooo... I have a confession to make. Well, rather - and excuse. See, I normally try to update this once per week, but with the boyfriend back and whatnot, I've been hindered. After talking to him about it, I was excited to write again... that is, until I got distracted by another rising idea in my head. See, I'm starting a D&D Campaigns, and I've been putting all sorts of crazy information in it. So instead of typing up this story, I've been typing up... well, D&D stuff. Sorry!~

But on the bright side, I'm glad to finally have gotten Fenris and Hawke together! And I know a lot of you are going to tell me that Hawke is being silly for 'taking things slow' and then being her usual indecisive self (I thought she had gotten rid of that habit!). But come on now, guys, I'm only delaying the smut for two reasons - to tease you guys, and for the sake of Hawke, who just got out of a serious relationship. (But more of the former, of course). It makes sense though, right?

I have a feeling my personification of Hawke and Fenris are getting worse and worse every time I write the dialogue (by worse, I suppose I mean 'inaccurate')... hmmm. Is that true, I wonder?

ANYWAYS:  
Bottom Line - we all know this 'taking things casual' thing isn't going to work out for long. lol

So thanks for reading and I would love it if you reviewed!

-A


	19. The Banquet Reception

**Summary:** Fenris and Hawke have had their past differences, leading to their break-up and the latter pursuing a relationship with Anders. However, after 3 years, Hawke's relationship with Anders falls apart when she discovers he had been harboring a dark plot to essentially tear Kirkwall apart. She manages to thwart Anders' plan to blow up the Chantry, breaks up with him, and then days later, she reconciles with Fenris. Despite being apart for years, she decides to take things casually with the elf because she is still reconvering from Anders' betrayal. However, a Banquet is now coming up, and when Sebastian (prince of Starkhaven) asks to go with her, Hawke suddenly grows nervous...

**Additional Info:** This chapter grabs a few aesthetic ideas from the two images below: (remove the 'DOT' and replace with period)

- High-Elf ensemble from TERA (terafansDOTcom/uploads/1276640586/gallery_24_4_3973220DOTpng)  
- The Fenris Black Jacket mod from DragonAge Nexus (dragonageDOTnexusmodsDOTcom/mods/images/3038-1-1318383385DOTjpg)

* * *

**Chapter 19: The Banquet Reception**

* * *

She had every reason to be nervous, of course.

First off, she normally attended these things with her mother, who carried such idle conversation with far more grace than Hawke ever could (though that isn't to say Hawke was hopeless in social situations, it was quite the opposite, in fact). Still, the idea of mingling with such well-known people throughout Thedas _without _her mother was still not an idea Hawke was too fond of. To top it off, she had a growing suspicion in the back of her mind that she had pissed Fenris off by accepting Sebastian's invitation to go to the Banquet together.

Pacing in her own bedroom, her mind was littered with a plethora of problems, racing through her head like a long list of chores. She had a lot of things to think about. For one, she wasn't too sure having this 'cold war' between her and Anders was a good idea – she knew she had to start talking to the mage again if she wanted to see to it that Anders was doing well (and if he had kept his promise), but she just didn't feel quite up to it yet and was thus keeping it on the back-burner. Secondly, she was glad that the Prince of Starkhaven was going back for his throne, and she wanted to help him. But she also had a feeling that her rekindled relationship with Fenris was already tied in a knot – she didn't want the elf thinking that she was going on a date with Sebastian, and she certainly didn't want Sebastian to be getting the wrong idea.

And thirdly, she had _no idea _what to wear to the banquet.

"The invitation says 'formal wear'." She noted to herself aloud as she pulled open her wardrobe. Glancing through it, she could only shake her head and frown. There was little that she owned that could be construed as extremely formal. Most of her rich clothes had been left in Lothering, and ever since their arrival to Kirkwall, Hawke had been far too busy to clothing shopping. She usually had her mother pick up clothes for her.

_Oh, mother..._

She smiled sadly as she sifted through the numeral blouses she had received from her mother. Her mind raced through all her childhood memories once more, and thought about her brother and sister. Oh, how she missed them...

Carver had always had a mean streak, but Hawke was also the one that could bring him back to his place. Her younger brother may have been stubborn and radical in opinion, but Hawke still loved him, despite the lack of tranquility he exemplified compared to his twin.

"Bethany..." She whispered under her breath.

If her sister was there, she would definitely have something suitable to wear.

It wasn't that Hawke was not interested in trivial clothing shopping and beauty supplies – it was just that she no longer had anyone to divulge such interests in with. Merril was far too air-headed and could barely understand the material world as it was, and Isabela's choice in clothing was far from appropriate, though Hawke had to agree that the pirate knew how to dress a woman in the most sexy way possible when a girl needed it. And Aveline... well, enough said about _that _hell of awoman.

Hawke sighed aloud and closed the wardrobe, picking nothing out of it.

"Time to do a little shopping, I suppose..." She said to no one in particular.

Thankfully, she lived in Hightown - so to the marketplace, it was.

* * *

Finding something so extravagant had not been an easy task for the head of the Hawke family. Of course, everyone in Kirkwall knew her name, and one of the advantages of such notoriety was the fact that every merchant wanted her to buy something from them, and was eager to show her even the most richest of their wares. She was literally bombarded with millions of shopkeepers, waiting to shove something in her face.

However, she was looking for something in particular. It needed to be a formal dress, something appropriate for such an occasion. It didn't need to be anything too extravagant and expensive. After all, it wasn't as if Hawke was attending a wedding - certainly not her own.

Yet, things never seemed to be as easy as she thought.

By the end of the evening, after two hours of browsing along the market, Hawke had only learned one thing – she had been far too sheltered from the world of noble trinkets and expensive jewelry since her becoming of the Champion. She had fallen out of fashion, and was no longer aware of what was 'fashionable' these days. Furthermore, her tastes in fashionable clothing was rather... selective.

Of the millions of dresses she had seen, they were either too colorful or not colorful enough, too revealing or too conservative and old-fashioned, too puffy or too clingy – nothing seemed right to her. She was starting to worry that perhaps her tastes were just too intricate. Yet in the back of her head, she reminded herself that she was, after all, a woman. She told herself there were times (outside of battle and away from all the leather armor) where she was allowed to at least _try _and look her best – not just in her armor.

This banquet, for instance, was one of them. Not only was Sebastian going to be there, but so were some of the most influential people of Thedas – dukes, princes, princesses, queens, King Alistair – and perhaps even the Hero of Fereldan!

Those were the type of people she was going to be mingling with, and so she had to, under those circumstances, wear something appropriate. Hawke was the last remaining Amell in Kirkwall, one of the most prominent houses in the city once upon a time, and she had a family duty and honor to uphold. This was about a little more than looking pretty, though it too had to do with her selectivity.

She sighed heavily and turned the corner. Her head immediately hit the oddly-placed sign that stuck out from the wall. It waved back and forth from their collision, as if laughing at her in jest. She rubbed her forehead gently and frowned, hoping no one saw her embarrassing run-in, and when she knew the coast was clear, she sighed in relief. She had enough paparazzi exposure as it was.

Glancing at the waving sign, she read: ''The Bare Fox: Special Finery Tailoring'.

She paused for a moment and looked around the shop exterior. It was draped with green vines and white marble columns. Had this always been here? Did she just never notice it's existence? Of course not – she had been far too busy in the past few years with her job. This shop was obviously new.

As she squinted to see a little better through the shop window, the doors to The Bare Fox swung open, alarming her as she snapped her neck back to keep from looking like a suspicious thief. She did not do this often, of course, but it was still an awkward position to be caught in.

Three soft-skinned ladies walked out the doors, barely noticing her and giggling to each other as they passed. They each carried lavender bags of finery, and Hawke caught a glimpse of the white ruffles and gold trinkets as they walked away, ignoring the Champion as they went on their merry way.

Well, it couldn't hurt to browse a little, she told herself.

At this point, she didn't know whether to hate herself or be proud. The fact that she could not be so easily swayed to the snooty and materialistic side of the upper class made her feel proud to be where she was – but then again, perhaps she just had exquisite tastes that could only be sated by the spending of huge sums of coin, which was never a problem for her.

Yet...

When she first set foot into the mysterious store, she immediately felt entranced. The air was smooth and cool, and the scenery was rather delightful. The air was sweet and smelled of berries. The place was filled with long rolls of silks and fabrics, along with beads, shining threads, and mannequins with gleaming trinkets and long gowns – some of which, to Hawke's awe, looked quite stunning.

In the corner of the cramped store was a elven servant, playing on her lute.

The place seemed like a place out of a fairytale. The only thing missing was a gigantic water fountain with fairies. Hawke could hardly believe she wasn't dreaming. It was a wonderful place, and she wondered why she hadn't heard of it sooner.

She turned to take in more of her surroundings, but bumped into a set of beads on the counter. The clatter of the jewel on the hard, wood floor was enough to stop the elven bard in the middle of her melodious tune. Looking up at Hawke, the elf, with her long and disheveled curls flowing past her shoulders, quickly stood up and bowed gracefully to her customer.

"Hello, messere." She said in a soft tone. "Welcome to the Bare Fox. How may we be of assistance today?"

The sophisticated air that the shop carried was tremendous, and the Hawke could feel her heart pound with a sudden excitement that she hadn't felt in years, since she first turned into the giggling teenage girl who had received her first set of pearls.

"I'm just looking." She cleared her throat, quite flustered all of a sudden.

The elven maiden smiled. "Looking for anything in particular?"

"A dress, preferably." Hawke shifted her feet, and looked around the shop, quite awkwardly.

This was not her usual scene, and she was suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of beautiful things in the store – there were so many to choose from. She was beginning to feel out of place, and somewhat foreign. There was little doubt in her mind that much of this fabric and intricate design came from Orlais.

"Well, let me get the shopkeeper to help you." The elf offered.

Before Hawke could protest, the elf had proceeded to turn around and disappear behind the green drapery past the counter, leaving Hawke alone to explore the depths of their shop. Moments later, Hawke was greeted once more by the elven bard with golden locks, as well as a rather tall, lean man with curly locks. He looked as though he was in his late forties. He was rather clean and shaven, though his blond hair was graying, and he wore a monocle in his right eye.

"Sera Hawke!" He spoke in a Fereldan accent, much to her surprise. "Why, I would have never expected to see you here! What brings you to my shop? Out for a little shopping, I presume?"

"Well, I suppose you could say that." Hawke laughed nervously.

"Oh, how silly of me." He cleared his throat. "I haven't introduced myself. Ahem – my name is Caelin Paine, and this is my assistant, Verity." He bowed until the tip of his nose almost hit his knee, and the elf Verity followed suit.

Hawke greeted them the same, feeling strange for having forgotten such a Fereldan noble custom. It was a pinch of the past that she had not retained since moving to Kirkwall, and a strange sense of nostalgia washed over her as she continued conversing with the two.

"You are Fereldan, aren't you?" She asked, hoping she wasn't being too intrusive.

"Ah, yes. The same as yourself." Caelin nodded. "However, I found myself traveling at a young age, so it is more accurate to say that I hail from nowhere in particular. I'm merely a traveling merchant, here to help your fanciful fashioning needs. As I understand, you are in need of a dress?" Caelin asked.

"I am." She admitted in a heavy sigh. "I can't seem to find anything... suitable. I was afraid I might have to go in drab clothing for this upcoming Banquet..."

"Banquet? I presume you mean the event taking place this evening, at Fort Arda off the coast of Hercinia?" Caelin asked. He was rather knowledgeable. "I've had a few customers asking me about custom orders for weeks now."

"Truly?" Hawke bit her lip. Apparently this was a bigger deal than she thought, if there were people getting their dresses custom-made at this rich store week prior from it occurring. Hawke was rather late coming into this event, but she couldn't help it, she had been rather ... preoccupied.

"There is nothing to worry about, dear." Caelin assured her, noting the worried expression on her face. "You are the Champion, and I _insist _that you browse my store to your heart's content! I will do my utmost to help you!"

"You certainly seem eager to sell me something." Hawke joked. "Should I be suspicious?"

"Well, it's not everyday you see a Fereldan such as yourself who has made such a name for herself outside of our country!" Caelin smiled. "I've heard many great things about you, in fact."

"Hopefully, _just _the great things." Hawke smirked as she looked around. "You've got very beautiful merchandise, I'm afraid I might _have to _buy something before I leave today. They almost seem Orlesian... it's hard to believe these are Fereldan goods."

"They are hardly such." He laughed, quite charmingly. "I've gotten most of my supplies from Jader, in Orlais. You are right. Unfortunately, I too am guilty of complying to the idle aesthetics of the Orlesians. But the business is good, especially in a city such as Kirkwall."

As Hawke understood it, Jader was a city in Orlais that was pretty close to Fereldan – many Orlesians in Fereldan had traveled from Jader to her homeland, back when she still lived in Lothering. Ah, how she missed those days...

"Let's see..." Caelin looked around in his shop, as if scanning his own supply for something invaluable. "I think I know _just _the dress for a person of your stature... and might I add – _those _legs."

Hawke blushed slightly, feeling self-conscious as she shifted her legs. She then watched as Caelin disappeared behind a wall of rolled-up fabric, humming a merry tune as he went. Verity reached behind the counter and started to scribble notes down on a clipboard.

When Caelin returned, he carried a string of clothes with him, hanging on a rolling cart that trailed behind him across the shop's shiny white floors. The wheels squeaked as they turned, and the many colors of clothing swayed, though Hawke could only see the bottom on the dresses. There was a large brown blanket thrown over the collection.

"What does our inventory say, Verity?" Caelin asked, leaning over the elf's shoulder to read off the list. His nose twitched and his eyes squinted as he did so, his monocle gleaming as he adjusted it.

Suddenly it occurred to Hawke as she watched the pair that Verity was no mere servant of Caelin's. They seemed rather close... almost intimately close.

"Well, let's see what we have that you like, sera!" Caelin smiled as he reached over to pull the brown blanket away. "Many of our customers favor these for such events – and these are the only ones I think are suitable for you. These have no duplicates, and you wouldn't have to worry about the pricing – it is all negotiable."

Hawke's eyes fluttered with silver dust and glitter. Her jaw dropped as she gaped at the clothing before her. Never in her life would she ever had seen such beautiful dresses. She was almost mesmerized by the amount of choices she had before her.

She may not have seen anything worthwhile in the market outside, but at this particular shop, decorated with white pillars, rich green vines and glass windows, she had found a rather delectable scenery change. Never had she felt so … well, girly.

* * *

When the afternoon sun came seeping through the long curtains of his bedroom window, Fenris had finally decided to get up groggily out of bed. Of course, he had little choice in the matter with the warm rays hitting his eyes irritably. Nevertheless, he stumbled out of his warm bed, looked into the mirror, ruffled his hair until it looked right, and then proceeded to light a fire to illuminate the darkness of his rather spacious mansion.

Cobwebs littered the corners of his home, and dust scattered into the air when he wiped the brown stone mantle above the dancing flames. Statues and little oddities lined up on the mantelpiece, most of which did not even belong to him. Vases sat near the tables next to his deep red couch. No flowers rested within, though perhaps a little water left over from ages ago still remained.

It was not an unknown fact that Fenris did not make it his priority to clean his home. His friends certainly were aware of it. Even after their insistent badgering for him to clean it out, he did nothing about it. After all, the house was hardly his. If the merchant who had given up on the place ever came back for it, Fenris was pretty sure that he could pay off everything himself. With the coin he made in the span of the past years working with Hawke, Fenris could probably afford this mansion if he were willing to invest most of his saving in it. But alas, he cared little for the house, certainly not enough to bother cleaning it.

There were only two complications to Fenris living here. One, that the city guard and townsfolk were rather suspicious of the elf, slipping in and out of the abandoned home day and night. This issue had been resolved time and time again by Aveline, though the solution never seemed to last and Aveline kept badgering Fenris to fill in the paperwork and coin to purchase the damn place to get things over with. However, each time he would have to remind her that he did not want to own the property on two premises – one, an elf owning land would only causes unwanted suspicion, and two, because Fenris did not care enough about his home that he would willingly spend a huge sum of gold to maintain it. Not yet, at least.

The second complication to living here, in addition to Aveline's badgering, was all the paperwork that had been left over for the merchant. Fenris gathered from numerous documents that the merchant went by the name of Piersym Emery – a strange name, and a name Fenris was not familiar with, certainly not one of Danarius' close allies.

In any case, piles of assorted notes, letters, and regal documents lined up on the front desk right next to the main entrance door to the mansion. Fenris often disregarded the mail and just threw them aside next to another useless vase. It rattled as the envelopes hit it, and Fenris saw a few spiders crawl out of it. In fact, he suspected some spiders lived in half of his furniture, but never bothered to exterminate them.

However, on this groggy morning (or afternoon), Fenris was venturing through his manor to scavenge for food when he nearly jumped out of skin when his entrance doors vibrated with a deep pounding, hurried and urgent. Suspicious, Fenris immediately proceeded to pull back an inch of his curtains cautiously, his heart thumping loudly in preparation for a long-awaited assault from his former master. After all, it had been years since he had seen Danarius, though there were still slavers willing to come catch him – nothing he couldn't handle. To top it off, Fenris had not yet received any valuable news about his long, lost sister.

But the man that stood on his doorstep was none other than the mailman.

Fenris would have been suspicious were it not for the fact that this particular man had stopped by his doorstep numerous times to drop by parcels meant for 'Messere Emery'. Mistaking him for a slave from the absent merchant, the mailman had met Fenris several times already, and in his absent-mindedness for getting work done, the mailman had thrust most of the packages into Fenris' hands and left to complete his mission of delivering the other parcels in his pack.

This time was no different. Opening the door, thrust into Fenris' hands was a rather large parcel, covered with soft brown cloth adorned with white ribbons – pretty extravagant, Fenris noted with no care in particular. He watched the mailman disappear around the corner, and then retreated back into his own home, shutting the door behind him tightly.

He squinted, as if doing so would help him read better.

_Piersym Emery._

That was all he could manage to decipher. In truth, they were the only words he could read because he had seen the name so many times already.

The parcel for the actual owner of the mansion, of course. What did he expect?

But still, curiosity got to the elf, and Fenris fumbled through the parcel's ribbons, ripping the package open as if it were a present given out during Satinalia. He often opened Emery's parcels just to see if there were valuable information on Danarius, or anything useful. Occasionally, he would find small sums of coin. At times, Fenris found himself wondering if Danarius, in fact, had killed Piersym Emery and no one had any clue the murder ever occurred. Fenris wouldn't put it past his former master.

The elf had hoped that it would be another bottle of wine, or perhaps even a box of chocolates. Sometimes he would get such extravagances and be glad that he was not the one serving them at one of Danarius' horrendous parties. Instead, Fenris would keep them for himself, sometimes even offering a few to his friends. Little things like sharing and the freedom of choosing who to associate with seemed like a huge change for him, even now.

He sat down on his couch, setting aside the brown wrapping and shimmering bows. Feeling like a child, he lifted the white box open, looking at it in anticipation. He fixed his hands over the top lid and lifted the box with care.

Inside were a strange assortment of black fabrics and a white note-card, with illustrated images of pink roses with green vines. The swirly lettering glittered and the whole box introduced him to a musky scent, making Fenris wrinkle his nose a little.

What was this?

He opened the glittery card, half expecting his hands to turn to diamonds out of contagion. Inside, more illustrations of flowers and intricate letters scrawled across as his eyes scanned the note. He frowned, his mouth curling to try and sound out what was written across the stupid thing.

But he couldn't read it. For the life of him, he had no clue what this was. All he knew was that it was another useless package for Piersym Emery, whom Fenris was not.

He was about to chuck the box into a corner when he was annoyed by yet another knock on his door. This time, the door opened itself, alarming the elf enough for Fenris to grab his greatsword, which was lying right beside him near the fireplace. He dropped the card back into the box and hurried over beside the archway before the foyer.

He paused, holding his breath and clenching the handle to his weapon tightly.

Who was it?

There was no 'hello', no 'anyone there' being asked, but Fenris heard footsteps drawing closer...

He watched as the shadow approached him behind the wall. He couldn't tell if it was male or female, armed or unarmed, hostile or friendly. All he could do was ready his blade...

It got closer... and closer... Until finally -

Fenris jumped out, his blade against his intruder's throat against the entrance door. The walls shook slightly and his vase toppled down the table, rolled over, and fell onto the floor into pieces with a ringing crash.

"Well, I didn't know you were into _this _kind of foreplay."

He frowned at Isabela and withdrew his blade.

She readjusted herself, dusting her white dress and twisting her back to regain comfort.

"Why are you so uptight in the middle of the day? What crawled up your ass this morning, huh?"

"Nothing," He grumbled. "I thought you were …. never mind. What are you doing here?" He demanded, determining that his was his house and he was asking the questions.

"I'm bored." The pirate put simply, walking past him and venturing into his living room. "I'm looking for company."

"Then perhaps you should try finding it elsewhere." Fenris grumbled quietly under his breath.

He followed Isabella into his living room, and watched as the pirate made herself comfortable, laying on his large couch with the whole of her body, laying on her back with her arms behind her head.

"Want to join me?" She purred with a wink.

He frowned. "Can I help you with something?" He asked with no pleasure whatsoever.

"Oh, boo." Isabella scoffed. "No need for you to be so unfriendly. What's wrong with you? Wait – do I want to know? Never mind. Forget I asked. Hey- what's this?"

Her head had turned and seen his bright white box, sitting on the coffee table before the fireplace. Her hands immediately reached out to grab the note as she got up and readjusted herself to sit on the couch. Fenris walked closer to her but didn't sit.

"To Messere Piersym Emery." Isabella read aloud.

Fenris let out a loud exhale and rolled his eyes. He forgot that she knew how to read. But it didn't matter to him – when was she going to leave? He was in no mood for her games today.

"In honor of your services to the Duke, we would like to extend our invitation to you on account of the Val Royeaux Order. You are hereby invited to the Royal Banquet at Fort Arda on the eve of the 5th day of Bloodfire. We have provided you with an appropriate attire, courtesy of the Order, and hope to see you at the ceremony. May the Maker bless you."

Isabela let out a loud whistle.

"Sounds like your day just got a whole lot better." She smirked at him.

"How so?" He frowned, still scowling. He failed to see what she getting at.

Isabella rolled her eyes, her smile fading. She got up and hit Fenris upside the head with the flimsy letter, and then set the parchment down on the table. She placed her hands at her hips and shifted her weight to one leg.

"You can go to the Banquet that Hawke is going to! With Sebastian! Remember?" She asked him as if he was stupid, or had no memory whatsoever of the previous day's event – which was not true. He just chose not to think about it firs thing when he woke up. That, and the fact that he was still slightly groggy was enough to make his mind a tiny bit foggy at the moment. It certainly explained his foul mood.

"You want _me _to go to a Banquet?" He snorted, nearly laughing aloud.

"Why not?" Isabela shrugged, shifted her weight to one foot.

"Do I _look _like a Piersym Emery to you?" He scowled. "I'm an _elf, _not some traveling human merchant with pockets full of coin piling up from who-knows-where."

"Now, now, no need to get nervous."

"I'm _not _nervous." He huffed irritably. "I don't even know what you're talking about."

"You're so daft sometimes, Fenris." She told him. "We're going to get you all cleaned up, and you're going to go to this Banquet to see Hawke. You _do _want to see her, don't you?"

"Why? I see her almost every day." He frowned once more. "Why are you so eager to get me to that banquet? Why don't you go instead, if you're so interested?"

"Because," Isabella sighed in a frustrating manner. "I've had my share of those parties. You sit there, look pretty, and your husband gets to brag about all the stupid little things he's done. There's no fun in it for me, but this might be different for you if you show up as some higher-up noble. You want to see Hawke all dressed up, don't you? Maybe even knock her off her feet?"

"You must be forgetting something," Fenris stopped her. "_I'm an elf._"

"Oh please," Isabela rolled her eyes. "Piersym Emery is a _traveling _Merchant. He's gone all over Thedas. Anyone would believe that he had picked up a elf or two as his representative in business. You just have to play your part right."

"What part?"

He scowled once more. But he couldn't deny that a part of this plan was very intriguing to him. He didn't like the idea that Hawke was going to some high-class party, but being at one of those himself... not as a slave, but as a actual guest... Well, a part of that _did _seem to peak his interest. He was not comfortable seeing other elves serving guests of their masters, but...the idea of seeing Hawke dressed up in finery...

Isabela could see the wheels turning inside the elf's head, and she smirked.

"Why don't you try this on?" She said, pushing the black bundle of fabric into his hands.

It was all that was left in the box, and Fenris unfolded the clothing to see all of it's intricate glory. This looks ridiculous. There was no way he could wear it...

"What?" Isabela asked. "It looks nice. And how fortunate you seem to be roughly the same height as this Piersym Emery!" She noted, giggling.

He shot her a look, but Isabela shook her head and shoved him back into his own bedroom.

"Change into it, and let me have a look at it when you're done."

No amount of grumbling or complaining on his part would have changed her mind. He was given the clothes, and now he had to change into them.

_Andraste help me..._

* * *

At the end of the day, Hawke had left The Bare Fox with her pockets a little lighter, and a bag of newly-acquired jewelry and sparkling clothes. It had only taken her a few minutes to decide which dress she wanted from the store, and after getting Verity to make a few quick changes to it, and spending some more coin to get some small trinkets, Hawke had finally gotten herself away from the store. She had a growing suspicion that if she had stayed there any longer, she would have brought herself out of food and home.

It was late noon by the time she had gotten back to the manor. This left her with only a few hours to get ready. She and Sebastian had arranged to meet at her home later on to ride to Fort Arda together. She would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous.

Bodahn and Sandal greeted her in the downstairs living room as Hawke rushed up the stairs to her bedroom. Orana was dusting the mantelpiece when she walked in, setting her bags down on the carpet and shaking off her coat to lay over her chair.

"Mistress?" Orana turned to greet her. "You've gone shopping. Would you like me to help you unpack?" The elf set down her duster.

Hawke shook her head. "I'm fine on my own, Orana." She told the elf. "I _do _need your help getting into my dress though. I have that banquet to attend this evening, you see.."

And then Hawke proceeded to explain all the strange allure of her recent store discovery, all the while peeling away her clothes as Orana closed the door to her bedroom. Orana took the clothes and carried them away as Hawke pulled the black and white silk dress out of the lavender bag. The fabric still felt smooth and cool – and the black felt was fuzzy against her skin.

She crawled into the dress, with less difficulty than she had anticipated, and then looked in the mirror. When Orana came back, she heard the elf stop to catch her breath, and in the mirror Hawke saw Orana's surprised expression.

She couldn't believe it herself. Though she had tried the dress on before at the store, seeing it once again while at her own home, in front of her own mirror, still felt great. As Hawke snuck a glance at herself in the mirror again, she couldn't help but grin a little.

She was rather muscular compared to other women because of her training. Her shoulders were rather broad, and she felt that her hair was not quite as stylish as other women. Finding a dress had not been easy, but she had to admit – in this dress, _she looked good_.

At first, she was concerned that the long slit trailing up her her thigh was a little provocative, but when she had tried the white fabric on, she couldn't help herself. She wanted to splurge, and she did. The sleek white dress clung to her curves in a comfortable way, giving her that feminine appeal – not to mention it was bareback, her favorite style. Caelin had suggested, for the sake of a more sophisticated look, that Hawke add a special black bolero, designed with golden swirls and jewels down her arms, to go along with her ensemble.

The collar behind her neck flipped upwards, and she felt indeed like a noble. Golden trim lined the edges of the black cloth and ran down her exposed backside. On her neck rested a black, leather choker with a flowered cabochon resting between her collarbones. She had even bought heeled shoes with checkered designs to match.

She suddenly felt really embarrassed, looking at herself in the mirror like some pubescent young girl. The event wasn't even central to her, and it wasn't as if her teenage crush was going to be there. It was silly, she told herself a million times. But she just couldn't help but admire her appearance for the night. The only thing that would make it better was seeing a certain someone there... or being with a certain someone at that banquet.

Sighing, she turned to Orana, gesturing to the elf and asking her opinion of the ensemble. The elven maiden nodded in approval, her cheeks glowing as she stood behind Hawke to fix her hair. Hawke hasn't even thought of what to do with her hair, but she was thankful that Orana _did _know what to do. The swirling designs on the sleeves were elven, Orana explained.

As she adorned herself with the last pair of earrings, covering the rest of her ear piercings with her hair, a knock came at her bedroom door, and it made her heart skip a beat.

"Madame?" Bodahn's voice came muffled from the other side. "A messere Vael has arrived for you. The carriage is waiting outside, he says."

"I'll be right out." Hawke told him.

She looked at the mirror once more, feeling terribly nervous. What if she was over-dressed? What if her dress was unfashionable and she made a fool out of herself? There were so many things that could go wrong...

Orana opened her bedroom door, waiting to escort Hawke out of the room. The elf smiled slightly, with her hands placed on in front of the other.

"Wish me luck." Hawke said quietly under her breath as she passed her servant. "Hope that I won't trip and fall or something..."

"Good luck, mistress." Orana said quietly. Hawke was not so sure whether the elf meant it or not, but it still made her feel slightly better. Thankfully, her leaving the manor late this evening meant that her servants could rest early. She didn't quite like them staying up too late on her behalf, and she made a note of it to Bodahn already.

"Hawke!"

Sebastian's eyes widened as she carefully descended the steps of her home, one by one. She hadn't walked in heels for a long time, and she was suddenly not so sure this was such a great idea. Her mind never ceased to show her all the limitless, messy accidents that could occur should she miss a step.

"What do you think?" She turned to the prince, looking at him nervously. "Do I look alright?"

"Look alright?" Sebastian's brows furrowed. "Hawke, you're making me blush. I should ask you the same thing. I'm afraid I don't have nearly as much charisma as yourself."

She chuckled slightly at his words, feeling like a little girl again.

"May I say that you don't look too shabby yourself, messere Prince?"

Sebastian's usual white and gold armor and furry hood had been replaced with a white collared shirt, tucked underneath a pair of black trousers and a accompanying black vest. He carried a long coat in his hand, and his hair had been well-groomed for the night.

He smiled, and then extended his arm out for her. "Shall we?"

She nodded, taking his arm and exiting through her mansion door. She noted to Bodahn that they had the rest of the day off, and did not need to wait for her return tonight. She certainly didn't want them working while she attended some extravagant banquet.

The carriage outside was waiting for them, led by brown horses and a aged driver, his head balding. It was decorated by light orange colors and lit at the sides by lanterns. Hawke saw many other carriages that looked the same. It was a well-known event, after all, and this _was_ Hightown.

She entered into the carriage with Sebastian behind her. The seats were soft and made of rich crimson velvet, and the entire inside smelled of potpourri. Orlesian designs littered the interior, flowers and swirling fronds here and there, not to mention the rather audacious symbol of Orlais painted on the wall in front of their seat.

"Compliments of Duke Prosper." Sebastian explained as he saw her glance at it. "Nobles certainly like to flaunt their riches."

"Oh, I know all about that." Hawke told him. "Mother used to tell me all the silly things her family used to do – hosting parties, attending parties, buying the latest dress in fashion, all of it."

"Yes, the Amells were well-known for their wealth," Sebastian nodded. "But they were also known for their kind hearts and intelligence. I daresay you live up to the name, Hawke."

"Are you flattering me?" She smiled.

Sebastian looked out the window at his side, and she noticed his hands fumbling and trembling slightly. His eyes darted as the carriage started moving, and he took a deep breath.

"Nervous?" She asked. He looked more than nervous, she'd wager. "Or are you blushing because a pretty girl is accompanying you?" She joked, trying to lighten the mood.

His laugh at her jab was uneasy still. "It's not easy, Hawke." He said quietly. "Sometimes I wish I had never been born into the family that I had. But the moment I start to think that, my sense of family duty... and honor... well, it betrays me in the end. I don't know what I need to do exactly, and I don't want the people think I'm... well, inadequate."

"You wish I had not pushed you to reclaim your place in Starkhaven?" She asked.

"Sometimes, yes." He admitted. "At first I thought you were being ridiculous and overstepping your boundaries, but when I thought about it I knew a part of what you said rang true. I was just running away... and now that I've come to terms with my heritage, my duty to Starkhaven and its people comes first. I will try, no matter what, to earn my place."

"That's very good to hear." She told him. "Though I doubt your people would be so quick to judge. You are the heir to the throne, after all, and you _have _done great things."

"Your words are kind, Lady Hawke." He told her. "I only hope that tonight will go well."

For the rest of the ride, they spoke of little regarding his speech. Hawke didn't want to talk too much about it, because she knew he was rather nervous about it. In truth, she had never been big on speeches herself, and when it came to public speaking, she would also get jittery.

Instead, she insisted on turning the topic of discussion to something else, such as the food they would be served at this banquet, and people that were going to the event, perhaps even dabble in a few obnoxious rumors or two. Nobles from all over the Free Marches, and even Orlais and Fereldan, would be arriving to attend the Banquet. The main objective of such an event was, of course, mindless mingling with the high-class.

The ride was not as far as one would assume. After all, they would still be in the Free Marches, just a little further off the coast of Kirkwall. It seemed strange because on a normal day, walking to the Wounded Coast seemed like just a normal trip for Hawke and her crew. Being carried past the coast on a glowing carriage seemed silly, especially given the slow speed at which it was traveling. Were it just them, Hawke would have put all her money down that they would've arrived at Fort Arda already.

But she was forced to bite back those thoughts when she looked out her carriage window, pulling back the shear curtains to see the glowing torches hanging from the large fort. Knights and soldiers walked along the path, and she instantly knew they were getting close to their destination.

It was still bright outside, though the evening was nearing.

The huge brown gates creaked as they opened, letting the flood of orange carriages into its front garden, complete with a pond and nice water works in the center. The ground was covered with an abundance of grass, which she suspected looked lovely in the mornings. Little marble fountains lines the path to the huge doors, which were gladly receiving its guests. Several suited servants were scattered across the premise.

Hawke's heart suddenly skipped a beat as she was helped out of the carriage by the suited young man that held her hand. Being in such a vehicle almost made her feel like a princess from a fairytale, getting out to meet her prince for a ball. Thankfully, she had no huge dress to pull along with her as she walked, and felt relieved because of it.

A light breeze hit her face as she exited, and she looked towards the pale pink sky to appreciate its beauty. She had not noticed how stuffy the carriage had been until she had gotten out of it. Nevertheless, she was on her feet again, and the young man who had held her hand was now directing them through the large wooden doors, where several more servants came up to both her and Sebastian to take their coats as needed.

Seeing all the other women walk alongside her and Sebastian made her feel at ease a whole lot more. Some of them were dressed more finely than she, yes. But there were others that wore ensembles on the same line as she, and Hawke's primary worry was instantly put at ease. Some of the gowns she was seeing even had such vibrant colors that it hurt her eyes. At least now she could enjoy the banquet to the best of her abilities, though she doubted there was much she would accomplish on this night other than idle talk.

She held Sebastian's arm as they walked into the main lobby, littered with several thousands of people. The chattering voices pervaded the room, and there was a live orchestra in the background. It was quite a suitable tune for such a luxurious setting.

Chandeliers hung high above their head, dangling with rich glass droplets and gold beads. The hallway walls were decorated with framed portraits, hazy landscapes, cream-colored wallpaper with gold trim, and little bowls of fire that lit the way. Servants walked around with trays of champagne, offering pamphlets for tonight's program and seating arrangements.

"This is too much," Sebastian said as he closed the pamphlet.

She could feel him tensing up, and there was sweat starting to drip from his face. My, he really was quite nervous, wasn't he?

"Don't be silly," She reassured him. "You will do fine."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just know, Sebastian." She told him. "Would you prefer I stay out of the room when you present your speech?" She asked, trying to help.

He shook his head. "I'd rather you be there to help me off the stage." He laughed uneasily.

"You are honestly too worried about all this." She tried. "It will only make things worse. Once you get on the stage, everything will come together. The people will love you. And when you're done, it'll all be over and we can enjoy ourselves."

He nodded weakly.

"Did you at least bring your speech? Oh, please tell me you brought it." She dreaded, her eyes widening at the thought of him losing the parchment.

"I did, I did..." Sebastian looked around his pockets, fishing for his papers. His fingers were trembling, but at least his papers weren't crumpled and disheveled. She was even proud of him for having them placed in the right order.

"Maybe you aren't too ill-prepared for this as you may think." She encouraged. "You're just not used to giving speeches. You'll do fine once you get the hang of it."

"Easy for you to say..." He sighed.

"You don't see me giving many speeches, do you?" She cocked her brow at him. "I get just as nervous as you do. But I don't let it get to me. I just keep telling myself, once it's over – you're done. It's over and you no longer have to think about it."

"But everyone will be talking about it later." He told her, grimacing. "And this... this is about my future ruling. It carries a lot of weight."

"Of course it does," She rested a hand on his shoulder. "But worrying about it will not make things better, trust me. Let's just... get in there and sit down for a bit." She offered.

The prince nodded and they walked towards the large open doors, where the silver-armored guards were checking for their invitation letters. Hawke and Sebastian presented their own, and their names were ticked off on the long list at the tables. She found herself glad to have come here with Sebastian. He may have been nervous for the entire duration so far, but she would rather have gone to this crowded event with someone she knew rather than by herself.

"The Prince of Starkhaven, finally ready to take back what is yours?" The guard winked at Sebastian, who laughed uneasily. "Oh, and what's this? Who's this beautiful lady you've got on your arm? Why, sera Hawke! The Champion of Kirkwall! What a pair!"

Hawke opened her mouth to protest and explain that she and Sebastian were not a couple, but the rather large lady behind her was pushing forward relentlessly, and Hawke had to squirm in order to get out of the crowd. It was rather stuffy in the entrance room, and she was glad when they finally got out of there with their invitation check over with.

"Drink, madame?" A servant asked them, presenting them a tray with glasses of bubbling drink.

Hawke nodded, taking one, while Sebastian declined politely.

"This isn't too bad." Sebastian told her, exhaling. "People know me. They know I'm here."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?" She asked, wondering what he was getting at. He was honestly getting too worked up, and she was beginning to regret ever egging him on to take back his throne. However, Hawke had a very good idea that she knew Sebastian better than he knew himself – she was sure he would make an excellent ruler given the chance.

"It'll be much better once I see that there will be people I know that support my cause." He reassured himself. "I'll feel a lot better."

She understood his ideas and nodded, sipping her drink.

Looking around, there were many guests floundering the floors now, all of them talking idly and laughing. She recognized little of the people, and made sure to keep herself close to Sebastian at all times, lest she get lost in this crowd. Her head spun with all the people around her, wearing sparkling dresses, rich suits made of velvet and silk, red bows and ribbon, intricate jewelry and gems... it was most astounding.

The announcing guard with his huge horn came to tell their guests that the seating would not occur for a few moments. The kitchens were not done displaying their awaited meal, which had been greatly prepared hours ahead of time, perhaps even days. But even as the doors to the dining hall remained closed, Hawke swore she could smell the food from a mile away, and suddenly realized the severity of her hunger.

She groaned in disappointment as the guard disappeared behind the large doors and turned.

_And then she saw it._

From the back, it was just another noble with a long dark coat.

But _that hair_. That snowy hair... it looked familiar anywhere. To top it off, those pointy edges coming out from the sides of the head... were unmistakably elven ears. Could it be...?

Hawke's eyes did not betray her. When the figure turned, she almost let out a loud gasp.

_Fenris._

But he didn't look like the Fenris she knew.

Instead of his usual black armor, comprised of buckles, leather straps, and metal claws, Fenris now wore a long, deep blue coat with a black vest and white shirt. A thin, silver pendant dangled from his neck, and soft, white feathers draped down his shoulders, swaying to his movements. His usual claw gauntlets were now replaced with fingerless black gloves, matching his coat, and he wore long silver leg and arm guards, weaved with silver thread and black lining. And the most astounding part (the part that was enough to make Hawke doubt it was Fenris standing before her) was the fact that this doppleganger – this Fenris - was wearing shoes: shiny black shoes, in fact.

She couldn't stop gawking. She didn't even know how to react.

Was the Fenris? Truly? If it was, what was he doing here?

Where did he get those clothes?

She could barely even talk. Her mouth was just gaping open stupidly, and now words were coming out. A few people around her looked at her expression, laughing at her dumbfounded expression, not know to what she was reacting to. Did no one notice the elf in the back of the room?

Fenris (or whomever it was) had not recognized her yet, and seemed to be busy talking to a rather tall man with a cane and black hat. A rich merchant, from the looks of it. To top it off, as Hawke got closer to the Fenris doppleganger, she realized that he matched the same height as the Fenris she knew. That couldn't be a coincidence, could it?

She had lost Sebastian in the crowd, and she didn't even notice it. She was merely trying to swim past the countless guests at the party, making her way closer to have a better look. What on earth...

As she neared him, Fenris stole a glance at her idly at first, just as a scan of the room. But then his gaze returned to her, as if he hadn't recognized who she was at first. His eyes lit up slightly in surprise, but then he regained his posture.

This was, indeed, Fenris.

"Oh, this is an acquaintance of yours?" The man with the top hat pointed at her, the jewel from his cane gleaming under the light. He spoke in a rich Antivan accent, and his mustache moved slightly as he spoke. Rich man, indeed...

Fenris cleared his throat and spoke, one arm behind his back.

"Sir Marcus, this is Eden Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall." He introduced.

How did he – There was no doubt about it. That voice... that face... it was Fenris.

"Um-" She didn't know what to say.

"Ah, what a honor to meet you, Champion!" Marcus said, holding out his hand to shake hers and tipping his hat. "We've heard many great things about you in Antiva! You are a great warrior, and a magnificent woman, to be able to restore all that you lost during the Blight in a mere nine years!"

"Oh, um..." She laughed, embarrassed. "I've been given too much credit here..."

"Nonsense, we were just speaking of you. Quite highly, I might add! It must be exciting to do business with one such as yourself, am I right messere Selduzar?"

She turned to Fenris, her eyebrows arched. Selduzar? Where in the world of Thedas did he come up with a name like that? Forget that – what was he even doing here? Was it not dangerous for him?

"It is not a experience I would regret, no." Fenris answered.

"Well, I dare say I am experiencing a small bit of jealousy for your employer. Though I _do _enjoy talking with you, messere, please tell Emery that he would do well to show up next time he is beckoned." Marcus informed Fenris. "I would like to see Piersym personally. It has been too long since we last spoke, and I could have sworn that his trading business had been over since the incident."

"I shall tell him." Fenris assured him, bowing gracefully.

Hawke watched as Marcus left them both and turned.

Who was this man beside her?

"So Hawke," Fenris smirked. "It's been a while. Lovely party."

She lips thinned and she stared at him intensely.

"What are you doing here?" She demanded, keeping her voice down and pulling him by the sleeve. He wrenched his arm away and smiled.

"Enjoying myself." He said simply. "I was invited."

"You were not," She insisted through her teeth. "Why would you be invited?"

"I'm wounded to think me beneath you." He smirked deviously. "Who would be so stupid as to _not _invite Sir Selduzar, the business representative of renowned trader Piersym Emery?"

"You mean the man whose mansion you are currently residing in _illegally_!" She hissed, looking around to see that no one was paying close attention to him. "Isn't it dangerous for you to be here? Your markings are showing, you know."

"For Fenris, perhaps." He told her in a whisper. "But not for me."

"Quit fooling around." She demanded as she watched him walk past her.

There was a balcony with far less occupancy near them, and Fenris freely walked over, looking up at the sky and enjoying the scenery. Hawke followed and bit her lip nervously. The pink and orange evening sky was fading into darkness, and the twinkling stars were appearing one by one before them. The air was cooler out here, less stuffy and humid.

"Tell me, what are you doing here exactly?" She asked once more.

"Would it ease your mind a little more if I told you I had come to keep an eye out for you?"

"On me? What for?" She asked. "I'm capable of handling myself. You know that."

He let out a disapproving hum and did not reply with any words.

"What could possibly harm me here?" Hawke asked.

"Nothing will harm you." He corrected her. "I was just watching."

She frowned and stared at him, expecting more answered, but he gave none. Then, after a while, a huge smile came across her face and she folded her arms, looking at the elf with her weight shifted to one leg as if she held the upper hand at Wicked Grace.

"You're jealous." She declared.

"_You're_ ridiculous." He said calmly, turning to her with a content expression.

"You aren't fooling me, Fenris." She said. "You are worried I came here on a date with Sebastian. So you're here to spy on us. I never thought you would have such little trust in me." Her voice was playful, and her smirk unfading.

"Trust is not the issue here." He told her. "I would just rather not have my woman walking around dressed like _that _with another man who, from what I've gathered, has not been with any women in years. Is that not allowed?"

"Sounds like jealousy to me." She smirked, though inside her heart had skipped a beat when he referenced her as 'his woman'. She paused for a short while, thinking, and then asked cautiously: "And what's wrong with what I've got on?"

He looked at her, his frowning expression wondering if she really needed to even ask him that.

Sighing, he looked away. "You are enjoying yourself a little too much."

"Am I?" She said playfully.

"I thought you wanted to take things slowly." He breathed heavily. "Teasing me isn't helping that idea. You know that, don't you?"

"You're the one that stalked me all the way over here." She pointed out. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I would have... I would have liked to come together."

"Together? With Sebastian? No thanks." He decline in a not-so-polite manner.

"You don't have to be like that." She frowned.

"I _do _when you're dressed like _that_." He said, nodding towards her ensemble.

"What's wrong with it?" She demanded again, looking at herself. "Tell me! I had a hard time picking out what to wear. This took me ages to find today. It was last minute too."

"Isn't that slit a little too high for a party?" He said, his eyes scanning her legs up and down, and then looking away towards the horizon, his expression uncomfortable.

She blushed. "What are you, my mother? Besides, have you not seen what the other women are wearing in there? Mine is hardly inappropriate for the occasion." She told him.

"It is when I'm involved."

"No on involved you." Her eyes gleamed dangerously. "You involved yourself in this, Fenris."

"I was forced."

"Not by me."

"Not directly." He corrected.

"This is not my fault. I'm not letting you pin this one me." She insisted, shaking her head. "Besides, you don't have to be here if you don't want to be. There's no point getting angry at me for something I didn't even ask you to do!"

"Who said I was angry?" He leaned back on the balcony railing, a bemused face emerging. "What if I just wanted to come to see you because I wanted to see what you had decided to wear?"

"Now you sound like an old man." She laughed. "I hope you aren't turning into those old lechers, Fenris. And are you serious about my dress? Are you trying to start a fight with me? Right here?"

"Hardly."

"Then _please _tell me what you are doing here." She asked once more. "Because I _really _want to know, _Messere Selduzar._"

"I just told you – I wanted to see you." He paused, his eyes narrowing towards the white puffs in the sky. "And I also wanted to see what it was like, attending a party like this without being one of the servants... without being the one ridiculed by my master and without being forced to serve other guests."

Hawke walked next to him to stand against the balcony. There was a moment of silence in the air. Her thoughts suddenly grew deep, and she pondered what it must have been like for Fenris before he had broke free of the chains of his servitude. Having all those guests take him for granted, being used for laughs... how horrible...

Hawke herself had never grown up with slaves around. In Lothering, their home had not been too large – it was a simple and humble place, really. Of course, they were well-known in the little town, but there were no such 'nobles' to look to in the place. In fact, her family kept mostly to themselves because they didn't need any unwanted attention, what with her father and little sister being mages. The only thing that had kept them uneasy was the fact that either of the two could be dragged off to the circle any day. Hawke knew her mother worried relentlessly because of it.

Of course, her family had not owned any slaves throughout her life. Her father had not been brought up with such customs, and her mother – well, back in her days in Kirkwall, Leandra Amell had indeed been in a large house with a few slaves here and there, but times have since changed. Hawke herself did not live with slaves and servants, because having them work for her while _not _getting paid seemed... inhumane. Even before she met Fenris, she would never even have considered the idea of owning slaves.

"And?" She asked Fenris after a few moments. "What is your impression? Being at a party, for the first time, as a guest – and not a slave?"

"Honestly?" He breathed. "Not that much different. Just a bunch of rich, snobbish bastards rubbing noses together while they tell their servants to fetch them more wine. Nothing is different. Servitude is the same anywhere in Thedas. I should have learned that by now."

"But you are no slave." She reminded him.

"That does not mean I pity those in there who are unable to break free."

"Not all of us are like that." She said. "My family has never done such things to the elves."

"Then you are one of the few."

A small curl formed at the end of his lips, and at the moment a small breeze flew in their direction. Hawke's curls followed the direction of the wind naturally, and gazed at the faint stars. The pink sky would not last forever tonight, so it was best to take it in as much as possible before it left.

Fenris watched at she leaned her head back to appreciate the cooling effect, her neck exposed and the earrings glistening in the sunset. This woman... she was beautiful. He instantly felt like swooping her off her feet. Oh, of all the days... He wanted to do unspeakable things with her.

"Messere!"

A voice behind them made them turned from the scenery to see a rather round, elderly guard approach them, carrying a spear in one hand. He carried no refreshments, but instead was rather rushed and nervous. He wiped the sweat off his head with a white handkerchief that he pulled from his pockets.

"The dining hall is open. You should all file in as soon as possible." The man stopped, looking at Fenris up and down with a certain disdain. "Of course, servants will be given their own quarters to dine."

With that, the guard left in a hurry to tell the thousands of other guests at the party.

Fenris growled, his voice vibrating viciously.

"Servant." He repeated in a low snarl.

"Calm down, I'm sure he didn't mean any harm." She said nervously. "He didn't even direct it towards you in particularly."

"Clearly." Fenris said sarcastically, clicking his tongue.

"Just remember – you're Piersym Emery's business partner or whomever – Selduzar. That's your cover." She reminded him.

"I'd like to cover him in six feet." Fenris grumbled.

"Don't be like that." She told him. "He just didn't know any better."

"I'll see to it that he does _next time_." Fenris said, his hand twitching still

"Oh hush, you don't even have your weapon on you – at least, I hope not. They took them when we first arrived in the mansion, remember?"

He scowled, as if he had not remembered, making Hawke wonder how Fenris could possibly _not _notice the absence of that big, hulking blade across his back. She didn't say anything about it though.

"Where is Sebastian?" He asked.

Her eyes suddenly widened. She had completely forgotten about her 'date', and was now scanning the halls in search for the prince. He was giving his speech today, and Hawke knew that Sebastian would have preferred for her to be there and help him in the case of any... mishap.

"We have to find him." She told Fenris, tugging on his sleeve.

"Eager to go back to him, are you?" His eyes narrowed on her.

"You jealous ass." She said with a smile. "You know that he is giving a speech out tonight. Don't you want to be there to show your support?"

Fenris' grumble suggested that he wasn't interested in the slightest bit. But he nevertheless let himself be guided by Hawke, who held him by the arm as they traveled around the pool of guests in the claustrophobic halls. Many guests turned to stare at the elf, and Fenris was not sure if he liked the vibes he was getting from them. Hawke's hand held on to him all the tighter though.

"Ah!" Her cry was muffled with all the noise around them. "There he is!"

They waddled their way around like ducks until they reach the round table where Sebastian sat. There were numeral chairs around the table, decorated with gold and white tassels and rich silky cloth that matched the tablecloth. Silverware was displayed neatly, and there was a large platform in the middle to host their oncoming dishes as soon as everyone was seated.

"Hawke!" Sebastian's worried expression was washed over with relief. But then his eyes bolted to the left, and his eyes grew wider. "Fenr-"

"Sebastian!" Hawke cut him off, her voice abnormally loud. "This is... Selduzar, a trading partner of Ser Piersym Emery. I'm afraid Ser Emery wasn't able to come to the banquet this time around, but Ser Selduzar has come a long way to represent his employer." She said, shooting Sebastian a look.

Sebastian's brows arched up, but he didn't comment on anything. Instead, he motioned for the two to sit down at the round table. They were joined only by another family of three – a couple and their son. All of them had auburn hair, and wore the most colorful attire Hawke had ever seen. In fact, she half suspected that her vision would be permanently scarred from the bright pink and purple colors before her.

Of course, they were already acquainted, much to Hawke's dismay.

"Messere Reinhardt." Hawke bowed in courtesy of her mother's family friends. "It's been a while, hasn't it? Charlise, as I recall correctly?"

"Indeed!" The woman's eyes gleamed as Hawke sat down. "And should I call you Champion from now on instead of sera Hawke?"

"I prefer not to go by the title of Champion. Just 'Hawke' would be fine." Hawke said with an uncomfortable laugh. "And these would be your husband and son, I presume?"

"You know these people?" Sebastian asked in surprise as their conversation continued.

Hawke nodded. "The Reinhardts have been close friends to my mother."

"What a coincidence." Sebastian turned to the Reinhardt, bowing as well.

Fenris merely grumbled, though his head tilted slightly.

"Such a tragedy, what happened to the poor woman..." Charlise said, raising a hand to her chest in sorrow. "Leandra had been my close friend since childhood. I just can't believe that she was killed by a crazed murderer! You poor child! And with Bethany in the circle, you must be quite lonely!"

"I get by." Hawke said, smiling. "I've got my hands too full to be mourning. Mother would not have wanted me to be upset about what happened to her forever."

"That is true," Charlise nodded. "Leandra _was _always level-headed... Oh! Where are my manners? You asked already, but I nearly forgot to introduce them! Here is my husband, Alexander Reinhardt, and our son – Aidan. As I recall, you have not met either before? Aidan is only a year older than you, as I recall..."

Her husband was a timid fellow, resting his arms on the table and only waving lightly at them across the table when Hawke extended her hand. Their son, Aidan, however, was a lot more friendly, particularly to Hawke. Her hand was barely out of her lap before she felt Aidan's palms over her fingertips. He looked at her eagerly, with a charming smile on his face.

They all soon retreated into their seats.

Hawke looked over to Fenris, or 'Selduzar', and their eyes met.

Fenris' gaze was burning into her intensely, and she was not so sure what he was trying to communicate to her, if that was what he was even trying to do. Regardless, Hawke frowned and make a face, trying to tell Fenris she had no idea what he was trying to tell her, and Fenris looked away, a scowl emerging. What was his deal?

Hawke turned back to the Reinhardt family and smiled.

"Thank you for the letter informing me about this event." She told them. "It gave me a lot more incentive to come. To be truthful, the Knight-commander had already issued an ultimatum, making it mandatory for me to attend." She lied.

"Oh, that Meredith is such a powerful woman!" Charlise frowned. "The way she had the entire city earing out of the palm of her hands, I'm not too sure I like it." The woman then gasped, smiling in an embarrassed manner. "Oh, but you won't tell her I said, will you? I don't mean it in ill will."

"Of course not." Hawke replied politely.

She could really care less, to be honest. Instead, she turned to her other side to whisper to Sebastian, who had been reading over his speech notes, murmuring to himself.

"Are you ready?" She asked. "How are you feeling?"

Sebastian nodded. "Fine, thank you. I just want to get this over with."

"I'll buy you a pint at the tavern once we get back." She offered. "And I'll even buy you two if this goes well." She joked.

"You say it as if you expect me to do unwell." Sebastian smiled weakly.

"I say it _because _I expect you to do _great_." She corrected. "And I know everyone will like you."

Sebastian sighed as the crowd in the large dining hall started to clap. The chandeliers dimmed and the stage before them was lit up with various spotlights. Guests of honor and speakers clamored up the steps to join under the sparkles in the satin dresses, clean suits, and shiny shoes.

"I'm not too sure going under those bright lights will be so great of an idea." Sebastian said softly under his breath so that only Hawke could hear him.

She put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "You are worrying too much. Relax. Everything will go according to plan if you'd only let it, Sebastian."

"This is not what I expected. What if it does not go well at all?"

"Your plan for avenging your parents' murder did not exactly go according to your plans either, but look how fortunate it turned out – you've finally understood what it is you were meant to do, you gained valuable friends, and you managed to do what was right in the end." She reminded him.

He swallowed understandably and nodded as her hand left his shoulder.

Hawke then turned her gaze to the stage as well, unaware that Fenris, sitting right beside her, had been watching her and Sebastian whisper the entire time, not entirely sure on what they were talking about. She reached down casually to adjust the straps to her heels, and then tried hard to focus on the speeches being given, trying not to be bored before the night ended.

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**A/N:** So this update was loooong overdue, mainly because it was just so damned long! Hey, you guys wanted longer chapters, didn't you? Seriously, the chapter was bordering on nearly 20 pages, so HAD to tone it down and post half of what I've written up on, regarding the 'banquet'. Reading it myself, I was definitely getting some Cinderella vibes... and I drew a lot of my aesthetic idea on the clothing from mods that I've been looking at (Fenris had so many good ones!). Of course, I played Dragon Age via PS3 because my computer would NEVER be able to run games like Dragon Age or Skyrim (BOO!), so I never used these mods. But a girl can dream right?  
As for the Banquet, the next chapter will pick off where this leaves off, and I can almost guarantee that it will be EXCITING. *wink*

As usual, Reviews would be VERY VERY welcome! I love reading those, even if it's just one sentence! I also enjoy getting PMs as well! IF you have any ideas, please tell me! And in case you are wondering, I will clarify ONE fact for the story - No, Sebastian WILL NOT become Hawke's potential future love interest, mainly because I didn't find him half as attractive XD

The next chapter is right over the horizon! See you all soon!~


	20. The Banquet Aftermath: Fenris x Hawke

**Summary: **Fenris and Hawke had their fling and Hawke ends up rebounding to Anders. But after 3 years, she realizes Anders was using her and breaks up with him. Days later, she finds herself finally reconciling with Fenris, whom she had a strained relationship with ever since their initial breakup. But Hawke tells Fenris she wants to take it slow because she is still recovering from her breakup from Anders. However, Hawke soon finds herself attending a luxurious Banquet with the Prince of Starkhaven instead. Bored at this party initially, Hawke suddenly spots Fenris, all dressed up in noble garb! To her surprise, he had managed to slip in under a alias, Selduzar. What next?!

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**Chapter 20: The Banquet (Aftermath)**

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Of course, he didn't immediately jump into wild conclusions about Hawke and her past with _this Aidan Reinhardt _snob, but that wasn't the point. A part of Fenris had wanted Hawke to pay attention to him, and _only_ him. But so far, it didn't even seem like Hawke had noticed his significant wardrobe change. If she did, she hadn't expressed any thoughts on it.

It made him feel a little silly to think about it, and quite the fool, actually - sitting there with such strange clothes, pretending to be someone he was not. It didn't suit him well, but damn if this wasn't the girl he loved so much, he would never have gone to such lengths! And now that she was right before him, wearing the long, lengthy dress with that slit that showed off those remarkably slender legs... he wasn't too sure he was glad he had come.

There were many guests her, men and women, and they were all interested in idle talk and mingling. Fenris had performed remarkably so far, much to his surprise, and proved that he could hold his own in an acting career. But still, with all the varied guests here, he was worried about two things: getting noticed (which was a pretty hard to avoid when you're an elf), and – more importantly – Hawke.

She was right about one thing so far: there were plenty of other women dressed even more scantily that she. But this was also a party welcoming citizens of all other countries, with various cultures and customs. Scanty dresses in some places might have been fashionable (much to Isabela's pleasure, he might add).

Fenris had mostly been afraid he would see someone he knew from Tevinter. Yet so far no one seemed to have a clue on who he was, other than the obvious fact that he was an elf. Now that he thought of it, he was pretty sure the mages of Tevinter would never have even been invited to such an event. After all, any sane province would know it would be foolish to let a bunch of unrestrained magisters into their party. It would have been a sure way to get everyone killed.

By the time Fenris had regained his concentration to the stage before him, there was another speaker he did not recognize in the spotlight. In truth , he cared little of what was going on, and only wished that this night would be over. So far, the only rewarding thing that had happened was that he got to see Hawke in a different light, which was something he always delighted in, this dress especially caught his attention from the moment he saw her down the crowded hall. Of course, that was before he had been brought to the attention of Ser Marcus, with whom Fenris had quickly made up a story for cover (with the help of Marcus' half-drunken state of mind, of course).

Still, Fenris could not concentrate.

This was boring.

He could not stop himself from yawning. In fact, he was pretty sure being a servant serving drinks and moving around rather than sitting there and listening to nobles drab on about pointless nonsense would have been preferred over this. Even Sebastian's political speech was giving him a headache. Even the self-proclaimed scholars talking about the diversity of elves weren't enough to peak his interest. Fenris did not know what it was about this event, but it simply was not enough of a diversion to turn his eyes away from Hawke... and her legs.

The upper class was _exactly_ what he had thought they would be. Fenris would have been much happier if he had stayed in his mansion with a bottle of wine and a plate of leftovers from the Hanged Man, as he spent most of his nights. However, being at this party gave him better food than anything he would have found down in Lowtown, and at least he could now say that he had experienced a nobles' customary event for once in his life as a guest, and not some cup-bearer cowering in a corner.

Sebastian had been on stage for quite some time now, and Fenris had not heard a single word of the prince's speech, mainly because the elf was too distracted by the cleanly shaved, blond-haired pervert with his hair combed in obnoxious curls sitting across the round table, staring at Hawke's... chest area.

Hawke didn't seem to notice, however. She was too intent on hearing Sebastian's speech (or at least, trying to). Fenris frowned, and bit down on his lip, restraining himself from kicking the flirtatious playboy from under the table. This was not the place for _that _sort of thing, and Fenris certainly didn't need to garner any more unwanted attention. He had had enough for one night.

Seconds later, a loud erruption of clapping and shouting startled the elf, and he looked around, trying to do the same to blend in and suggest to everyone around him that he had been paying attention (which he obviously wasn't). Frankly speaking, the amplified voice of the ambassador over their heads was starting to hurt Fenris' ears.

"Thank you for that wonderful speech, Prince Vael." The ambassador, with his gold tassels and blue uniform, announced to the crowd. "We here at Fort Arda will _most definitely_ welcome your return to Starkhaven!"

A few cheers (and some grunts) came from the crowd, and Sebastian's uneasy facial expression told Fenris that the prince was anything _but _comfortable on that stage, in front of everyone's judging eyes. Seriously what was Hawke thinking? In Fenris' opnion, letting Sebastian try to reclaim his rule was a horrible idea. The exiled feather-head was not ready to be a ruler right now and (to Fenris) he never would be.

"Now, before you leave messere Vael, tell me if I'm incorrect in hearing this – but is it true that you've come to here tonight with the Champion of Kirkwall herself, _personally_? There have been sights of the two of you exiting the carriage together."

_What the hell? What kind of question was that? How was that relevant to..._

"Umm... yes, that's true, but-"

"So you and the Champion are close friends?"

"She has helped me a great deal, yes." Sebastian answered uneasily before the crowd. Some of the girls who sat in the front rows of the dining halls groaned in a disappointing fashion. Fenris rolled his eyes. This was stupid.

"And where is she tonight?" The announcer asked.

_What?_

Hawke's eyes grew wide as thousands of pairs of eyes fixated on their round table. Fenris couldn't speak for Hawke herself, but _he_ certainly grew nervous. They couldn't even turn away – there were people all around them. Great. Just his luck. What _more_ attention did he need for the evening?

Spotting the sense of alarm rising on his face, Hawke stood up quickly, her dress flowing behind her in sparkles. Shielding him from view, she smiled, waving to the crowd in a diplomatic gesture. Her heels made her seem a lot taller than she actually was, and the curls of her hair bounced lightly on her shoulders.

"There she is!" The ambassador beamed. "And my, what a sight for sore eyes!"

Fenris wasn't sure what was worse, getting attention near his vicinity, or having Hawke get the attention – as if she needed any more of it. He certainly didn't feel comfortable with this, no matter which way it had ended up.

But it was all over in no time.

After all, it wasn't as if Hawke was getting married in front of the whole crowd.

Of course, he understood exactly what had just happened. Hawke, seeing Fenris frantic with worry over the fact that he might be spotted by some Tevinter guest who may've known Fenris was a fugitive, had immediately took it upon herself to cover for him by shielding him from the spotlight. It was a kind gesture, one that he was greatful for. However...

As her hand lowered to her sides and she sat back down, Fenris could already feel the stares of a few … interested individuals. He didn't know whether to stare them down, or look away. Considering the fact that he was an escaped ex-slave with murderous tattoos (which most guests had assumed thus far were some sort of Dalish Inking), he chose the latter decision to avoid further attention. The less he stayed out of matters, the better. This may not have been the best idea for someone in his predicament, but he had chosen to be here tonight and it was too late to go back on that decision.

At this point, the announcer on the stage had asked everyone in the hall to give a nice round of applause to the Prince of Starkhaven, and wished the everyone would give young Sebastian Vael the welcome and support he needed. There were a few people, Fenris noted, that made scowling faces when they had seen the heir to Starkhaven walk near their tables. But these power-hungry diplomats could do little to Sebastian in a place so public, especially if they knew Hawke was in support of Vael. Nevertheless, Fenris saw Hawke's brain churning, making several mental notes on who was who as she watched the performances, and eyed the people who looked at the Prince in disdain. She was more like Sebastian's nanny than she was his political advisor, and suddenly Fenris did not feel the need to be so hostile towards the prince.

Most of the speeches were on the current political situation of the Free Marches, since that was where the Fort Arda was situated. However, the Orlesian 'Duke' Prosper de Montfort took the liberty to talk about his own fortress home, Chateau Haine, which no longer functioned as a fortress. His was the only speech that seemed unique compared to the others, mainly because of his overwhelming sense of self-confidence, which Fenris felt had been bordering on arrogance.

After his retelling of an old Orlesian myth, the 'duke' also took the liberty of bragging and inviting half of the guests there to his own Chateau, where he promised an 'exciting' and very 'Orlesian' welcome to his guests, comprised of wyvern hunting, feasting and riches. This was clearly Monfort's way of boasting about his own wealth, and Fenris immediately did not get a good impression of the man (not that it mattered, Fenris did not get good impressions of any of the people here).

Afterward, swarms of ladies, dancing with light blue veils and golden jewels on their crowns, came flocking to the stage, swirling and dancing as the elven maidens in the background played their light instruments. The orchestra beside them rang out one melodious tune after the next, and the closing performance consisted of additional women dancing provocatively, more elves on lutes and harps, and well-dressed men performing beside them.

The announcer then told the guests that there would be fireworks displayed later in the courtyard, which garnered a lot of giggles and joyous chanting around them. For now though, the feast ensued, and they were given a hefty amount of roasted meats, colorful salads and fruits, as well as a nice glass of their finest wine.

Sebastian had returned to their table and was partaking in the celebration, asking how he had done on stage. Hawke told him that he did excellently, to which the prince apologized for giving her any unwanted attention tonight on his part. Fenris glared at the prince anyway but Hawke shook her head, telling Sebastian everything was fine. Even the Reinhardts were surprised at Sebastian's speech. Of course, they were not aware that he was the heir to the Starkhaven throne until he had presented himself on stage.

"Sebastian didn't do nearly as bad as he thought he would!" Hawke beamed, leaning over to whisper in Fenris' ear. "I told him he would be welcomed!"

Fenris grumbled, his fingers entwined with the stem of his empty wine glass. If only they had given out bottle of wine instead of a glass, then he could pour his own drinks without all this formality. Hell, it wasn't as if he could drink them out of house and home even if he tried.

* * *

Meanwhile, smug Aidan Reinhardt was still staring at Hawke from the other side of the table. He had done so when Hawke had uncomfortably received the spotlight in the middle of the ceremony, and to say 'something about him did not sit well with Fenris' would have been an understatement.

Now that the formal talk was over, everyone had dug into the food placed before them. Hawke herself was cutting open a baked potato on her plate. However, Fenris – not used to using kitchen utensils – chose not to get anything too 'complicated' to eat and instead drank his wine, which was now refilled, much to his relief.

"So.. is it true what they say?" Charlise asked, looking between Sebastian and Hawke. "You two are... in a relationship?"

"What?" Sebastian's eyes grew wide. "Oh no! That is a mistake!"

"We're just friends." Hawke said quickly, her face alarmed.

"Oh," Charlise let out a sigh of relief, flipping her auburn curls behind her shoulders as they ate. "Because I could have _sworn_ that they were trying to play it off as the two of you being together..."

"They were." Fenris growled unhappily.

Aidan Reinhardt's frowned a little at Fenris' off-putting attitude and turned, asking in his noticeably Fereldan accent: "So Ser Selduzar – if you would indulge me, what is it that you do, again?"

Fenris swallowed his food, grimacing as he lied once again through his teeth. It was humiliating, to say the least. Furthermore, he couldn't even lie straight because Aidan had been incessant on talking to Hawke so far, and the topic of their discussion had been rather... unwarranted. All Fenris wanted to do was punch this gaping, snobby idiot in the face. Why he hadn't already remained a mystery to the elf.

"You know, your mother had planned on inviting us over so that you and Aidan could get to know each other better." Charlise was saying, nudging her son in the rib. She smiled at her son and then turned to Hawke, her smile fading. "But that was before you were became Champion, I suppose."

"Yes, my mother was a rather exotic woman, especially after Lothering." Hawke said, smiling a rather lonely smile that made Fenris ache inside for her. "She was filled with wonderful ideas and did everything she could to make our family happy after we arrived in Kirkwall."

"Then perhaps we should honor your mother's decisions?" Aidan suggested hopefully. "You know... and get to know each other better?"

The tone of his voice told Fenris that Aidan wanted to do much more than just 'get to know' Hawke better. He fought hard to hold himself back from kicking the man in the groin under the table.

"We'll see." Hawke laughed uneasily.

Fenris glanced at her, hoping to catch Hawke's eyes. The Reinhardts had been trying to talk to 'Selduzar' as if they were trying to extort every single lie he was feeding them. But their conversations were going nowhere, and they had more or less been put on the back-burner for now. What did it matter? Fenris didn't care about any of this.

Hawke finally turned to see him staring at her intensely.

"What?" She hissed, frowning as she leaned over towards him. "Stop staring at me like that. The least you could do is try a little harder to blend in!"

"I will, once you stop flirting with the man across the table, making googly eyes at each other!"

"I'm am not." She protested. "You're over-exaggerating. This is just idle chatter. It's what usually happens at these events!" She reassured him.

"I doubt it. Trust me, that's _not_ all this is." He whispered. "Need I gouge his eyes out before he stops staring at your chest like that?"

Fenris' voice sounded ferocious, but his mouth was curled into a smile, and it made her tremble slightly. He muttered something in Arcanum under his breath as he drank his wine. He wasn't quite sipping it either, she noticed.

"You're being stupid." She said stubbornly under her breath. "Aidan's just being friendly. Our families were close in the past. The Reinhardts were mother's friends. Besides, are you _really_ going to get jealous over this? It is just a friendly meal. I swear, you are so quick to judge and get angry over small things, daft elf!"

"When it comes to you, nothing is small."

"Enough, Fenris." She warned. "This is _not_ an appropriate time to discuss these things. I will _not_ let you blow your cover, and get us both in trouble."

He leaned over, his eyes never blinking to break his stare into her.

"You're playing with fire, Hawke." He warned in a low, rasp whisper.

Unknown to Hawke or Fenris, Charlise was looking suspiciously at the whispering pair. To her, it was obvious that they were planning something – or up to no good. In fact, she almost had a feeling that Hawke and this measly elf were...

Sebastian poked Hawke's side to gather her attention.

"Ser Selduzar, was it?" Charlise cleared her throat, her hands crossing under her chin. "You said you were a business partner of – who was it? Evett? Why, I've never heard of a man by that name."

"He's a traveling merchant." Fenris said in a most irritated manner. "He doesn't have the time to attend... parties."

Fenris kept eye contact with Charlise, as if they were trying to win each other in a staring contest. What was up with them? This wasn't a competition. If it was, Hawke wasn't even sure who would win...

"And you are acquainted with Hawke... how?" She obviously didn't believe him.

"We're traveling companions." Fenris replied dully.

This was like an interrogation of Fenris on behalf of Leandra Amell. Was that what this was? Hawke felt like this would be a conversation between her mother and Fenris, were Hawke to ever have invited Fenris over to their home for dinner in the past.

"You? You're a travel companion with Hawke?" Charlise laughed most indignantly. "I suppose explains why Hawke would know someone of your... stature." A twinkle in her eye made it obvious that Charlise wasn't referring to Selduzar's employment status.

"He's quite the capable of holding his own when needed." Hawke spoke up nervously, twiddling her fingers under the tablecloth. Where was this conversation going? She certainly wasn't liking it.

"Oh? And where does a merchant learn _those_ types of skills?" Charlise asked with an incredibly smile. "Did they teach you when you lived among the Dalish, messere Selduzar? Am I correct in assuming that you are one of the Dalish?"

"Those tattoos look too funny for him to be a house elf." Aidan snorted.

His father, Alexander, turned to his son and slapped Aidan lightly on the arm, but Aidan only scowled and continued to look at Fenris with a rather smug look. Poor, old Alexander Reinhardt didn't seem to have nearly as much power in their family as his wife did. It was apparent to Fenris which wore the pants in their household relationship. Regardless, Fenris' eyes narrowed towards the son of the Reinhardts, as if he was about to jump over the table and reach for Aidan's throat.

"A Dalish elf who's become a merchant's business partner?" Charlise leaned forward, so close that she was practically breathing on Fenris' nose. By now, it was quite obvious that she found much of Fenris' fake background to be fishy, her eyes scrunched as if she knew a secret he didn't.

"That sounds like quite the story." Charlise said quietly. "Mind telling it to us, Ser Selduzar? We have plenty of time to spare, after all."

"There is nothing to say." Fenris glared at her. "I was given an opportunity and took it."

"And you live near here, I presume?" Charlise insisted. "Near Kirkwall?"

"No." Fenris answered stiffly. "I was just traveling here to attend this party on Piersym's behalf."

"You call your employer by his first name?"

"What of it?"

Before Charlise could say anything more, Aidan cut his mother off to address Fenris in a rather rude manner that Hawke did not like one bit:

"Are you a _paid_ elf?"

It was a perfectly reasonable question, given the circumstances of elves in the human society. However, Aidan's tone in asking this question was completely uncalled for and obnoxious. He spat it out like the very idea appalled him – as if it were a plague and made him want to vomit.

At this point, Hawke could see every vein popping out from Fenris' neck. His fists were clenched tightly, and she knew ot would only be a matter of time before there would be an explosion of... guts. Of course she wasn't happy with the tone Charlise was talking to Fenris, but she had to prevent any... unpleasantries. If Fenris' cover was blown, she did not want any Tevinter Imperium mages to hear about it. The idea of losing Fenris, or having him run into trouble from his past... it was enough to make her shudder. But what could she do?

"You make enough money to afford such rich dress clothes?" Charlise was saying, her voice clearly judgmental and her charming tone increased two octaves higher. "Why, this Piersym Evett _must_ like you very much!"

"Why does this surprise you?" Hawke chimed in, looking right into Charlise's eyes to draw her attention. "Is paying your workers so unheard of? Selduzar has proven himself quite the business partner, and a worthy ally." She said, almost snapping.

"Oh? And how do you two know each other, sera Hawke?" Charlise asked with a twinkle in her eye, almost as if she were challenging Hawke. "I didn't catch that part of your story."

"He's..." Hawke stopped. She didn't even know what to say. What could she make up that would make sense to the Reinhardts? She swallowed, trying to maintain her smile: "He's a merchant that we've chanced upon numerous times. I figure it would be useful to have someone so knowledgeable to help."

"Is that so?" Charlise narrowed her eyes to a very smug expression. "You are friends with this merchant then? Because I seem to remember seeing Ser Selduzar in Kirkwall several times in the past... going through the Gallows with you. Those markings are hard to forget, you know..."

Shit.

Hawke hated that snobbish smirk on Charlise's face, but did not know what to do to respond to Charlise's unraveling remarks. What could she say that would help their lie? Her mind was drawing blanks, damn it!

She gritted her teeth and looked at Fenris, who was still staring at the Reinhardts in fury.

A sense of guilt and regret washed over her as she gazed at him. As if being a ex-slave wasn't hard enough, now Fenris had come to such a strange event on her behalf, and was sitting next to her, being ridiculed because he looked out of place. This was her fault, wasn't it?

She couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand the remarks that the Reinhardts were throwing at him. Fenris, sitting there and taking it with a grain of salt, knowing that he could not strike back at them in such a place. Hawke was the entire reason he was here, and she was the reason why he was being ridiculed, being dressed up in such an outfit. She had no doubt that Fenris found it all ridiculous, but he had attended anyway, all dressed up for Hawke's sake. He must have felt like such a fool – and Hawke did not even realize it until now.

She placed a hand on his thigh under the table.

Fenris' steady gaze towards the Reinhardt's broke in that instant, and he looked down to find her slender hands resting in near him. His fist uncurled itself, the color returning to his flesh, and he grabbed her trembling hand with his warm one. She felt cold.

"Actually-" Sebastian's voice finally spoke up beside her. She had nearly forgotten the prince was there. "Actually, Selduzar works for Hawke too!"

_What?_ (Well, at least that was partly true.)

"What?" Aidan looked at Hawke, as if expecting her to reject the idea.

Hawke looked at Sebastian, and so did Fenris. Both stared at the prince in surprise, with their expressions screaming, 'WHAT?'. The prince's eyes shrugged uncomfortable and motioned them back towards the Reinhardt family, who were still looking at them with growing suspicion.

"You... work for sera Hawke?"

"No, I'm no-"

"He works as my bodyguard, actually!" Hawke quickly cut in, squeezing Fenris' hand under the table. She laughed uneasily, faking her embarrassment. "I guess … I guess there's no way around it! I'll have to tell you now, since you've practically got it all figured out! The truth is... being the Champion is great and all, but you wouldn't _believe _all the danger I run into! So I have... Selduzar accompany me discreetly for protection. Obviously, telling everyone who he _really_ is would be troublesome, so we have him working for Ser Evett as a cover-up. Oh, you won't tell anyone, will you?"

Charlise opened her mouth, unable to process what she was just told.

"So... he's _not _a merchant's trading partner?" Aidan asked, his eyes glaring back at Fenris. "He's... your body guard." He breathed slowly.

"Um.. yes." Hawke smiled. "And he _is _a trading partner of Ser Evett. It's just... We're paying him for his services as well." She explained as she felt Fenris hand shift under her own.

"Is that so?" Charlise did not seem eager to believe a word of it. "Though I suppose... it explains why I see you together so often with your... friends."

Charlise's words spat out like poison, as if she did not think Hawke's friends worthy of the Amell association. Thankfully, Charlise clearly never saw the Amell crest Fenris often carried with him as a symbol of his loyalty to Hawke. Frankly speaking, Hawke was beginning to get peeved, and did not give a damn whether Charlise approved of her social ordeals or not.

"That's how it _really_ is, honest!" Hawke smiled at the lady. She pulled her hand from Fenris' and stood up. Fenris looked up at her, puzzled. "Now, if you'll kindly excuse me. I think I need some air outside. Care to join me Fe- um, Selduzar?" She asked, giving him a look.

Fenris grunted and stood up with her.

"Why don't I accompany you instead?" Aidan offered, standing as well. His eager demeanor was a complete change from his spiteful attitude towards Fenris, who looked at him in disdain. Even Sebastian, being far less judgmental than Fenris – was clearly not welcoming to the Reinhardt's son.

"Oh, that won't be necessary." Hawke told Aidan, barely looking at her suitor in all his blonde-haired, dashing smiles, and rich dimpled glory. In fact, she was sure some of the feather-headed ladies at this party were much more interested in Aidan than she would ever be.

She didn't care if her mother had seen something extraordinary in Aidan Reinhardt (which she was beginning to doubt). Hawke could care less. She just wanted to be out of the feasting hall, and away from the Reinhardt family. And she certainly didn't want Fenris alone at the table with them.

Sebastian looked over at the pair of them, nudging his head understandingly. He pointed towards the open archway to the left, leading outdoors. Many people were already flocking outside in preparation for the fireworks.

"I'll stay behind here." Sebastian told them. "There are a few people I'd like to meet tonight still. They told me I should try to mingle with the other political figures here to get a better perspective of things, so I'm going to stay around for a bit."

Hawke nodded, moving towards the archway. Fenris followed her, with Aidan and his family scowling after them. Sebastian could fend for them at the table if he preferred, Hawke thought, but she had had enough of that snobbish family for one evening. They had certainly done a good job in ruining dinner for her so far.

* * *

The air outside was much cooler, and the evening sky had long been replaced by a clear, dark blue color with sparkling stars and a bright full moon. The fireworks would not be for a while but there was still a small crowd outside, and the orchestra played one lovely song after another.

The archway had led to the backyard, where Fenris and Hawke emerged into a white balcony, with stairs leading from the center down into the stone paths of the luxurious gardens and water fountains. The orchestra was seated to the right, and there were little gazebos littered across the expanse, garden trellises trailing along the leafy walls, and from where they stood the place seemed like its own mini-town.

After taking in their new surroundings, Hawke turned to Fenris, unaware that their hands were touching slightly. When she came to senses, she reached out to grab it while Fenris was looking up at the night skies. His face had been so enraged earlier that she swore he was about to burst out and reach over the dining table to pull out Aidan's voicebox – the look on his face certainly suggested something to that nature. However, Fenris was now a lot calmer. His gaze was focused up towards the night skies, as if the stars had soothed his boiling rage.

He turned to her the moment he felt her warm hand around his own, surprised.

"Holding my hand already? You aren't worried more rumors might start?" He asked, though his voice was no longer sarcastic or impatient. "Especially in a place like this? Haven't you had enough?"

"Since when have I ever cared about that?" She told him, smiling. "You _know_ I don't care about those things. Besides, I don't see you moving my hand away."

His eyes met hers. "Are you forgetting? I'm an elf."

"You don't think I know that already?" She said sarcastically. "As I recall, we've had this conversation once before already."

"But that was before Aidan Reinhardt was decidedly betrothed to you." He said quietly, averting his eyes. Usually, this meant something was bothering him.

"Betrothed?" Hawke leaned back, frowning. "What are you talking about?"

"Was that not obvious to you?" Fenris eyebrows rose. "Or were you too busy making 'idle conversation' with him?"

"I was _just _trying to be friendly." She defended. "And that was before I realized how much of an old-fashioned, prudish family they were! Mother seemed to be under a different impression... Besides, this was the first time we had ever met formally!"

"Your mother obviously tried to sell you to them." Fenris looked away with a frown. "You could be a part of their family. Instead, here you are with me."

Hawke snorted. "You think I'd _want _to be a part of _that_? You must not know me very well, Fenris." She told him, walking closer to the railing beside him.

He turned to her, his hand over his forehead as if he was experiencing a minor headache. When his hand lowered to his chin, he was staring at her with gleaming, soft eyes. It was strange seeing his bare hands without the claws, Hawke noted. Not only that, but his entire ensemble for the evening – it just seemed so different, and she likedit. In fact, she was _loving_ this look on him. It was rather exotic... and exciting.

"Forgive me." He said. "I simply cannot fathom the purpose of such useless events. What is this celebrating, even?"

"I have no idea." She laughed, shrugging. "The rich never cease to hold pointless events like these. I had no choice coming here – Meredith's dictation beckoned me here. So far, I can only say that I'm glad that you are here with me."

Fenris smiled at her words appreciatively and leaned against the railing as well. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful, being at such a rich place..."

"You aren't the one being ungrateful, Fenris." She lifted her hand to touch his face, looking into his olive eyes – so beautiful. "It was the Reinhardts who owe you an apology."

"Yet I have a feeling I could be getting anything _but _an apology from them." He sighed heavily, irritated still from their words. Hawke didn't blame him.

"At least we resisted the urge to throw them off the balcony." She joked.

But Fenris didn't smile. Instead, he removed his hand from hers and placed it on her waist instead. They were both resting on one side against the white marble railing, so that no one could see their intimacy easily. Still, Hawke blushed.

"With the way their son was looking at you, I'm not too sure if I would have been able to restrain myself any longer." He said in a low whisper. "He was practically undressing you with his eyes."

"But can't I say that you were doing the same earlier?" She smiled in a charming fashion, a part of her voice sounding hopeful.

"Hawke," He looked at her with a strong conviction. "I wouldn't use my eyes to undress you. You should know that by now." He smirked deviously.

She giggled, holding her hands to her face in slight embarrassment. She was flirting with him. With Fenris. After how the party had ended up, she half-suspected that he would be furious. So far, he had shown far more restraint that she would have given him credit for in the past.

She leaned closer to him, desiring strongly for the moment where he would embrace her in his arms. She didn't even care that they were around a large crowd of people who probably thought that her associating with an elf was strange. There was very few elves at the party so far, the only ones she had seen were servants in the manor, or accompanying their masters, neither of which applied to Fenris.

"I thought you wanted to take things slow." Fenris said quietly as their noses touched. "Aren't you afraid someone might... see us?"

"Would you prefer to go somewhere more... private?" She whispered back, breathing heavily.

His hand slid down her waist, touching the bare skin of her thighs gently. She immediately trembled with the touch of his rough fingers on her flesh. Her eyes fluttered and she swallowed, feeling the air between them suddenly growing hot. A smirk on Fenris' face told her that he was aware of how he was making her feel. This elf drove her mad sometimes.

She licked her lips and looked up at him in a longing manner. She wanted his lips over hers, and his hands on her body. She wanted to smell his scent, and run her hands over his snowy, soft hair. The air around them cooled down with the night breeze, making the hairs on her skin stand up. His body heat only attracted her to him further.

"Kiss me."

He shot her a bemused look. "Is that an order?"

"Yes." She demanded. "You're driving me nuts. It's the least you could do."

"We're in public, Hawke." He reminded her, though he shot her a rather amused look.

"That hasn't stopped you from grabbing my ass so far." She grinned, feeling his hand under her dress, and savoring his touch as he gave her a light squeeze. "Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

"I was hoping you would, actually." He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh? And where are you hoping to take this exactly, messere Selduzar?" She smiled suggestively. "You just said so yourself: we're in public."

Unless he wanted to have her right now, in public somehow.

It sounded like a horrible idea, but the thought of it was enough to make her intake a long breath to cool herself off. My, was it getting hot in here? Her breath quickened and she gazed back at him. Damn, his charming smirk was not helping her decipher his thoughts either.

"Fenris, we sh-"

_"Hawke!"_

A voice from behind them made them snap back impulsively, as if they were two horny teenagers who had just been caught by a concerned mother at home. Fenris' warm hand left her thigh so quickly that she felt a chill crawl up her leg almost instantaneously, making her frown.

"Aidan." She dully greeted with no interest or excitement whatsoever.

"This man isn't Selduzar, and I know it." He pointed, his hands at his hips.

"Well, aren't you the smart one." Fenris replied sarcastically, his glare never leaving Aidan's, and his body unflinching as both stared ferociously at one another.

"Aidan, I already told you." Hawke huffed irritably. "He's my bodyguard, and we-"

"You _must_ be aware that your mother and mine have long discussed this prior to you becoming Champion, are you not?" He cut her off, turning his gaze towards her instead.

His arms held out towards her in a welcoming fashion. It was as if he had turned a complete 180 degrees when addressing her. Hawke wondered if it was because of their supposed unofficial 'betrothal, or because the Reinhardts merely had a huge ego and were a bunch of ill-mannered, snot-nosed racists. These were qualities not surprising for a noble family of course, but Hawke would not have any of it near her vicinity, nor her friends'.

The worst part about it was the fact that Aidan himself did not even seem faintly aware of how much of an deluded ass he was being – and how he could change so completely before her in personality. He was not very good at being subtle, at the very least. At least his pretty hair and eyes were enough to swoon the ladies that were stupid enough to become infatuated with him.

"I'm aware," Hawke's nostrils flared. "That my mother had only informed me that we should meet and know each other, Aidan. There was no official betrothal mentioned, and even if there _was_ in the past, I'm sure my mother would prefer I make my own decisions."

"Yet you would spend you time with a meager Dalish elf." Aidan snarled.

"What of it? I chose who I associate with. It is none of your business who I befriend."

"He seems awfully close for being a bodyguard of yours." Aidan pointed out with a smug look. "Do you usually allow your bodyguards to touch your ass? Should I test th -"

Something about this complete stranger referring to Hawke's ass made Fenris infuriated.

The short-tempered elf felt his entire body twitch with an urge to pummel Aidan to the ground into a bloody pulp. His head throbbed, his eyebrows lowered into a frown. He felt his own lips thin. His fists clenched up until they turned red.

Screw it.

Fenris was about to step up to teach young Aidan a lesson when...

Hawke slapped Aidan squarely across the face, her eyes glittering with the sparks of a thousand suns. Her assault left a rather red streak across the young man's face, and he turned to her, utterly dumbstruck and completely in disbelief that a woman had just hit him.

Even Fenris was surprised, his eyes wide in shock. He himself also knew how painful one of Hawke's slaps to the face could be, but seeing it happen before him was... a change in scenery, so to speak.

"You!" Aidan, his hand holding his precious face with both his hands, glared at Hawke for the first time that night.

Fenris could have sworn that he saw gleaming tears rising in the young man's eyes. But no part of him felt sorry for what happened. Truthfully, Hawke never ceased to amaze him. She had not only defended herself, but she had also defended him, even though he was just an elf to the rest of the people at this party.

Many of the guests near them were now looking at the scene in a mixture of excitement, curiosity, and disdain. Fenris was growing weary of the attention they were garnering throughout the night. This was the second time this evening, and it was making him rather annoyed. Varric was right; Fenris stood out in a crowd – and if it weren't for his pirated ensemble tonight, he would have stuck out even more.

The only other guest-elves he had seen at the party were ambassadors from Dalish camps, and there were only one or two – they were present for the speech ceremony, but left immediately afterward. Much like them, Fenris was not too keen on staying around nobles to rub noses and bump elbows – whichever figure of speech was correct.

"You would rather be with a knife-eared, brute?" Aidan asked Hawke, scowling.

"How dare you! He is no such thing!" Hawke hissed, her eyes growing larger in shock and anger.

"Your mother would not have approved of-"

"What do you know of my mother?" Hawke snapped back at the airhead. She was furious at how this little shit would even dare bringing up her deceased mother. "_Do not_ speak of her as if you knew her, you selfish, stuck-up little ass!"

Fenris could literally see the fires in her eyes as she spoke to Aidan, and liked what he saw. Even in her spark of anger, defending Fenris and his kind, Hawke looked beautiful to him. He told himself many times that night that it was just because of the lengthy dress she was wearing, but then he suddenly realized that it was much more than that – he was embracing of every part of her, even the parts that would become angry at Fenris himself when the elf had done something incredibly stupid, or when he was being overly-cautious.

Was this love?

Hell, it wasn't as if he would know the answer to that. He had never experienced anything of that kind in the ten years he had been around her. All of the simple pleasures he had taken were... well, simple. He got what he asked for, and never asked for anything too great. That was why he never had great qualms with Isabela, because the two of them were so simple when it came to desires.

But with Hawke, it was so much greater, so much more – it was different.

One moment, she would make him want to smash the wall in anger, but other times she would make him want to embrace her with his entire being, and shower her with his love. He would be overcome with such great waves of emotion that his brain could barely function. His desires were so strong for her that his passion would drive him mad, and he would know of nothing else but her.

By now, the only thing he wanted to do was spoil her with anything she wanted.. to spoil her until she melted. But at the same time, he also wanted to possess her, to be one with her, to make her _really_ feel his love for her, to _really_ understand the depths of his new-found passion – the dark feelings he had never felt before prior to meeting Hawke. _He wanted to show his love for her so badly he wanted to just crush her underfoot._

Fenris frowned and walked swiftly past Hawke, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her down the stairs to the garden as he walked. She was still arguing and glaring at Aidan Reinhardt when he did this, but Fenris didn't care. Her protests were ignored by him as they proceed through the courtyard, past the fountain, and past the numerous people looking at them in bewilderment. Fenris didn't even think about anything else. Sebastian could take care of himself, and curse the Reinhardts to damnation - Fenris could care less about them.

Yes, he had been angry when they started to act bigheaded and turned their noses at him for being an elf, but the fact that Hawke had stood up for him, and his kind, had made his feel a lot better. It was worth it to restrain himself, because he had seen a side of her that he felt was glorious. Furthermore, seeing her in that dress... it made his night a lot better – better than she probably would've imagined.

* * *

"Fenris!" She was yelling as they exited the garden. "Slow down, Fenris!" She pleaded.

He slowed down, finally realizing that her face was flustered, her hair messy, and that she was struggling to keep up. Nevertheless, she still looked amazing under the light. And they were alone now, more or less.

Hawke and Fenris had exited through the back end. A few coaches were drawn at the entrance, yards away from their location, readily serving guests who were leaving. There were scarcely any guards out on their end however, and it was dark out, with the exception of a lamp or two. If they started walking, they would get to the carriages in no time.

"Are you alright?" She asked, bending forwards to look at his darkened face. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean for this to turn into a mess. I know what I did was stupid, drawing even more attention to you than you wanted. After all, you went through the trouble of coming out here where people would obviously take notice you. You even had to make up another identity just to be here – and I … I screwed it all up. But it's just that Aidan was really bothering me, and the Reinhardts really had no right t-"

"Shh, Hawke."

He stepped forward, his hands rose up to catch her face as it was busy blubbering out the explanation for her unorthodox behavior at the party, of which he could care less. His gaze fixated on hers with a soft, passionate fervor. His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her so close against him it hurt. Her hands rested against his chest lightly, and her eyes, initially open in surprise, closed to enjoy the moment.

Neither of them said anything for a few seconds. Under the dimly-lit lamps, with a clear night skies where the stars showing, and the a light breeze passing through their hair as they stood there, both of them were perfectly content with each other.

"Thank you," He whispered softly into her ear, kissing her earlobe. "You didn't have to speak up for me, or make a scene to raise suspicion or attention to yourself – but you did."

"You aren't mad at me?"

"I would not have preferred the attention, but it couldn't be avoided." He said, smiling into her hair. "If you had not done what you did, I guarantee I would have had a punch or two coming Aidan's way regardless, And trust me when I say it would've made your slap across his face seem like an Orlesian boat ride near Lake Celestine." He told her.

"Don't turn this into a competition." She smirked. "Because I don't think poor Aidan could take another hit from either of us."

"He _did _seem to be on the verge of tears." Fenris snickered. "Regardless, in all seriousness I am grateful for your support for... my kind. You didn't have to go to such lengths..."

"Better me than you. I could deal with the attention." Hawke's hand ran along his back. He liked it when she did that. "But I don't want you getting into any more trouble than you have to."

He pulled away, looking at her with a sad expression.

"Being with me..." He started. "You will most undoubtedly be thrust into trouble often. Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"I don't know if it's a good idea." She shrugged, though her smile did not fade. "But who says I have to know whether everything is a good idea or not before doing it? I'm no more concerned about facing your dark past than you are concerned with facing mine."

She had a point.

His eyebrows rose. "Oh? And what deep, dark past are you harboring, Hawke?"

"It's a secret."

She giggled. Then, her eyes widened as she stared past his shoulder. She grabbed his arm, linking their arms together, and dragged him along.

"How beautiful!" She exclaimed as she led him near a springing fountain.

It was three-tiered, with a gray stone statue of a nymph pouring a jar of water out from her slender hands. She wore little, with her breasts exposed and her privates covered with a sculpted sheet of cloth. Her hair was long and flowing down her back in the most elegant manner. The endless water poured out from her jug and down all three tiers of the fountain, with a few coins littered at the bottom.

There seemed to only be this one fountain outside of the main manor premise, and there was no one outside for the time being. Only a few bushes and trees surrounded them, and a guard or two looked over to see both Hawke and Fenris before it. None made any motions to bother them, however. From their distance, it most likely looked like a couple coming out of the main party so that they could enjoy some time alone. After all, no one would want to interrupt a couple amidst their romantic encounter.

It was strange how she found such simple things attractive. In Tevinter, magisters could conjure those extravagant illusions up like candy. Still, Fenris looked over at Hawke, watching as she reached down her bust to pull out a small pouch, much to his surprise. Opening her tiny bag, she took out a single bronze coin, holding it tightly in her palm with her eyes squeezed shut.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Making a wish." She explained.

With that, she tossed the coin in the water. It landed with a gentle 'plop' sound, and flowed to the bottom of the fountain with all the other coins.

"Is your wish a secret?" He asked.

"It is until it comes true." She winked.

Then she pressed a coin into his palm as well.

"Want to give it a try?"

He smirked, looking at her compassionately. He appreciated the gesture.

"Hawke," He reached up to twist one of the curls of her hair behind her ear. "I don't need to make a wish for what I want to come true."

And with that, he leaned over... and kissed her.

His lips were soft against hers, and their tremblings lips immediately warmed up, parting for each other to taste. Their tongues danced slowly against each other, enjoying the sweetness. Their breaths grew hot and heated, and Fenris only pulled her closer to him. Hawke's arms rose against his silky suit and slid around his neck as one of her legs rose up as if to personify the pure happiness she was experiencing at the moment.

When they finally pulled away, both their faces were flushed, and their breaths heavy.

"I suppose my wish just came true." She smiled at him.

"Was that all you wished for?" He looked at her inquisitively, smirking, and marveled at the arousing combination of strength, vulnerability and lust that he saw in her eyes.

"Well, it seemed greedy for me to ask for any more." She looked at him with daunting eyes.

Yet no wish he could've made would've made him any less greedy the night.

She stood before him, her thighs half-exposed and cold from the wind swirling around them. She pulled her arms closer together in attempt to warm herself up, furthering the cleavage her dress so humbly showcased to him.

It was hard not to stare. His desires for her were escalating to new heights, and the fact that she had wanted to slow down only made him want her more. Her opinion were well-acknowledged, but if Hawke were going to lead him into such heated moments, he knew he would have a hard time restraining himself.

She knew the moment he started touching her. She knew he was the only one who had that kind of power over her – the power to control her completely, whenever he wanted. She felt like his puppet, but in a good way – she wanted to be his, and only his. She wanted him to control her.

Just looking at him was enough to make her wet instantly. Her legs began to go weak, and her mouth seemed suddenly dry. She found herself unable to speak probably, and all that came out was a soft croak. She lowered her eyes to regain her posture, and smiled shyly.

But he reached forward to grab her chin gently, pulling her towards him. She loved his touch, and the course texture of his hand over her smooth skin. A small kiss landed on her cheek, and she felt his hand below her chin, carefully tipping her head back so that they were looking into each others eyes.

"Fenris." She couldn't help but breath out his name as if she were a swooning teenager. She didn't even care if it sounded stupid and over-dramatic. She couldn't control herself.

"I want to make you mine, Hawke." He declared. "Tonight."

She drew in a deep breath at his words, which he said with such conviction and power that it made her tremble. His charming yet dominating voice... it was just so attractive. She couldn't refuse him anything as long as he held that above her.

"O-Out here?" Her voice quivered as the idea of doing such things with him outside crossed her mind a second time. At least this place was somewhat private.

He chuckled at her as she looked at him in alarm.

"What?" She demanded.

"I never pegged you to be so... adventurous." He smiled deviously at her.

"No! That's not what I meant!" She stated quickly. "I was just – you know, making sure."

But his smile did not fade.

"Why not?"

Before she could try to protest, his hands tightened around her waist, and she felt her chest push up against his like before. He leaned forward until his lips touched her neck, kissing and sucking on her flesh. She could hardly suppress a moan. What were they doing? They were right outside the luxurious mansion – in the backyard where the party was still taking place! There were guards around, and it wasn't as though the dim lights obscured them from vision.

But a part of her was sparked with excitement, experiencing such passions under the lamp light around strangers. He had backed her against a gray stone wall, the wall that went around the entire fortress. It felt cold against her skin, but she didn't care – not when she could feel Fenris' hands reach down, caressing her thigh with such aggression that it made her tremble between the legs.

"Someone might see us!" Her hand stopped his from traveling any further up her thigh, despite her body's heated desires. "I don't want them to think we're not... well, _sophisticated_ people."

"Who cares what anyone else here thinks." Fenris breathed heavily.

"Well, you may not." She started. "But I can't afford to have Meredith hearing about the Champion's rather promiscuous outing with a completely strange man."

"You mean, your marvelous excursion with a nice gentlemen from out of the country." Fenris corrected her, smirking.

"My dear elf, _you _are no gentleman," She pointed out, giggling. "I can tell you _that_ much."

"Oh, but I _am _a gentleman." Fenris smirked, grabbing her by the jaw suddenly and tilting her head upwards to bite at her neck, taking in her sweet aroma. Was that perfume she was wearing? Why hadn't he noticed it before? It smelled so good.

"You don't have to be _gentle_ to be a gentleman, Hawke."

"Don't you think you're missing the point?" Hawke breathed heavily.

With his hands on her thigh and ass in the backyard where guards stood about, she could hardly contain herself. She felt him lift up her leg slowly, and she grabbed his shoulder for immediate balance and turning to look at him with such lust and passion. She felt almost too drunk to do anything else.

She felt his kisses trail down her neck and to her collarbone, almost reaching the top of her breasts when he stopped, pulling away to lick his lips and gaze at her lovingly.

He stepped back, obscured in the shadows. Hawke stood against the wall, feeling the cool air around her legs as Fenris continued caressing her.

One of his hands disappeared under her white dress, moving slowly around to her ass and giving it a soft squeeze. She gave out a small moan against his chest, her hand resting on his shoulder.

His other hand inched closer to her sex, touching her inner thighs tenderly.

She instinctively grabbed his wrist to stop him.

Was he really going to try doing _that _here? In public?

Her sense of duty and responsible quickly overshadowed her dark desires for him to take her right then and there. A part of her immediately cursed at her inner self for being such a goody-goody. Yes, she found it extremely kinky and dangerous, but the consequences weren't something she would look forward to if they were caught.

Fenris didn't seem to care one bit, however.

Her hand was gripped firmly over his wrist, but he easily overpowered her.

"Fenris..." Her voice rose dangerously, telling him to stop.

But he didn't stop. Instead, he shushed her lips with his own mouth, tasting her once more. She couldn't even deny him the ability to kiss her – she was captured by such conflicting thoughts that she didn't know what to do. Her grip on his wrist loosened, and her desire for him won over.

His hand proceeded up her dress, and she raised her leg up against him, grinding. Trying to suppress her moans was getting harder and harder. Her breaths quickened and she couldn't think straight. He was driving her mad!

"Please..." She begged into his ear. "Not here, Fenris."

But her body reacted differently from her voice. She just couldn't stop moving against him.

His fingers slowly rubbed against her wetness; her panties drenched and her pussy aching for his touch. Against her thighs, she could feel his cock beginning to stir in his pants. His hands reached further, tugging at her panties.

"No, don't-"

But she was helplessly clinging to him as they rubbed against one another, and his hands ripped the soft fabric of her panties off completely in a split second's notice, making her gasp. The white cloth dropped down near their feet onto the floor. Cold air flew behind her and through the long slits of her dress. Beneath, she felt the chilly wind brush against her exposed ass, and between her legs.

She shivered.

Fenris smirked at her shocked expression, and then suddenly inserted one of his fingers into her wet core. She gasped once more, trying to keep the sound to a minimum. She felt herself clench up around his finger as it slipped further inside her, and shuddered as she felt herself getting wetter.

"I thought we agreed on taking it slow." She trembled.

"We _are_ taking itslow." He smirked again, reaching in with another digit. Slowly.

"S-stop..." She begged, closing her eyes tightly. She could hardly stand. This was making her legs wobble and her lips quiver. She hissed between long and drawn out breaths. "This isn't the sort of place for _this_! Quit teasing me you stupid, knife-eared monster!"

Her palms beat against his chest weakly, her energy drained from his two fingers slowly going in and out of her dripping entrance. It felt do good she was pretty sure she had gone to the Maker's side.

At least no one could see under her dress...

"Funny. I never pegged you for the type to think elves beneath you." He hissed into her ear.

"I'm not. I don't think..." She gasped as she felt another finger enter. She swallowed desperately.

"Then apologize." He ordered, thrusting his fingers up to her core so quickly that she couldn't help but moan loudly into the night sky. She prayed for no one to hear her as her hands clenched onto Fenris' jacket tightly.

"Please, Fenris..." She begged, hoping to the Maker that no one would spot them.

"Apologize." He growled once more, leaning his head forward to bite at her neck. She let out a tiny cry from the pain, and soon felt him sucking on her tender flesh.

"I'm sorry." She cried as she felt his fingers begin thrusting at a faster pace in and out of her wet pussy. She had to grab on to him to keep balance. "I'm sorry!"

With that, he moved his thumb gently against her clit slowly and then a little faster and faster, pushing his other fingers in and out as she moaned louder and louder, hardly able to restrain her own voice anymore. Dear Maker, he was driving her crazy!

With one hand lifting her leg up even higher, his fingers were able to freely pleasure her, digging into her flesh with each thrust. His thumb fumbled over her clit, massaging it in circles as he increased the tempo. In her heels, Hawke moved her legs slightly, wrapping it around his waist, pulling him closer as she arched her back, exposing her lovely neck to him.

He then proceeded to move deeper inside her, with his thumb applying gentle pressure on her clit. Moving thumb and finger in unison while rubbing, circling slowly, he watched as Hawke arched her back even further. He wasn't sure how easily her orgasms came, but he had every intention to draw them out, and be the one in control of her sensations. Judging from her vigorous grinding against him and loud moans, he was on the verge of tipping her over the edge.

Gentle circles... slow gentle circles that bring gasps and moans … a slow rhythm to her hips as he attempted to increase the speed and pressure. Her moans quickened, telling him to slow down his pace as she bucked against his hand.

"Fenris, please..." She begged. "I'm so close... please don't stop!"

Her face was flustered, her cheeks flushed red and her hair becoming increasingly disheveled. She stared at him with pleading eyes, and a look of complete submission and longing.

He leaned forward to kiss her, stroking his finger in and out of her pussy slowly, but avoiding her sensitive nub. As he slipped another finger inside, she gasped again. Moving all three digits against her, he pushed firmly and began rubbing in hard circles again.

Hawke cried out, and Fenris curled his fingers, pulling rapidly against her to increase her gasps with every thrust. He felt her knees give way, and her legs wobble. Her eyes clenched shut, and he felt her pussy tighten as her orgasm approached. Slowing his movements, he used the opportunity of her weakness to stop rubbing against her clit to thrust deeper into her pussy.

Her eyes flashed open, pleading for him to bring her over the edge.

His fourth finger slipped inside, oh so slowly, and her eyes widened with the increased fullness. He pushed into her, letting his fingers slip into her gaping wet pussy. Stroking in and out, he moved once more, bringing his thumb over her clit again to rub in unison with his probing. Her pussy clenched tightly around his hand again.

Pushing deep inside of her, past his knuckles, her moans became deeper, the wetness pouring from her pussy with every stroke of his hand. She felt his thumb circling her sensitive clit again, and shuddered. Her clit was swollen, and he continued to rub in circles, now more vigorously. He thrust harder, making her moan, gasp, and tell him in a raspy, rushed voice not to stop. He felt her fingernails dig into him.

Her moans soon turned to deep, long, slow breaths, and she gasped slightly on each stroke into her pussy, moaning as he pulled out.

"Please..." She begged, her face desperate and hot. Sweat started forming at the sides of her face, and she leaned close to him, whispering against his ear, "Fuck me, fuck me hard. Please, Fenris..."

He wasn't even sure if he could take much more of her panting and begging. His own bulge in his pants was about ready to burst. But looking at her immensely satisfied face, on the verge of ecstasy, he was not so sure how he wanted to finish her.

Slowly, he started to fuck her with his fingers again, in and out, deeper than she had ever felt before. She bucked against his hand, biting her lips to suppress her moans.

"Oh..." She purred softly.

Fenris smirked to himself, noting that these had become not moans or gasps, but deep grunts.

"Please, Fenris..." She whispered into the air. "Please, make me come."

He slowly pushed harder as she leaned into his hand, moving her body back and forth to mirror his rhythm. Her moans became quick and shallow, and Fenris knew that she was close. He felt her exhale, whispering softly into her ear and letting it ride a little longer.

"Come now." He ordered.

With that, he quickened his pace suddenly to the maximum speed, making her cry loudly. He then felt her pussy tighten around his hand as she bucked her hips against him and her orgasm came rushing. His strokes slowed as he felt her pussy pulsate rigorously.

But he didn't stop; he merely slowed down. And when he felt her relax a little, he started up again, thrusting into her in and out furiously, fucking her again, deep inside. Hawke was on the verge of screaming as her body lost control and a second orgasm overtook her.

She leaned against him as he pulled his fingers from her core. His other hand let go of her thigh, letting her stand on both feet finally. It trembled and ached with being in the same position for so long, her muscles tensing up. Still, her breaths were uncontrolled and her body felt as hot as ever. She put her head on his shoulder, trying to calm down and regain her posture.

"Did you enjoy that?" He asked, smiling.

"Oh, I think you know the answer to that." She told him, exhausted between breaths.

He stroked her hair gently with his cleaner hand, rubbing her back softly as he held on to her tightly against his chest. He could feel her heart beating rapidly, her body pulsating still, and slowing down as the moments passed. She carefully wrapped her arms around his neck as she regained her posture. Her breaths eventually became much more stable.

"You know," A slight frown came across her face as she looked up at him. "Was it really necessary for you to tear my undergarments off?"

"Of course." He said in a low voice and smirked, looking down at the ground to see the white fabric laying there. He then pulled away from her to bend down and pick them up.

"Well, now I have no underwear on underneath this dress." She told him.

Using her panties as a handkerchief to wipe his wet fingers, Fenris' eyebrows rose and a devious grin appeared on his face.

_Uh-oh._

"Fenris, whatever you're plotting isn't a good idea..." She warned him, backing away.

"Hey!"

Bolting back, the two of them immediately turned their heads to see a silver-plated, armed guard walking towards them, spear in hand. Fenris cleared his throat and stuffed his hand (along with Hawke's ripped panties) into his pocket. Meanwhile, Hawke tensed up as the guard approached them, trying to sort out the mess in her hair with her fumbling hands.

"What are you two doing out here?" The guard asked in a rather loud voice.

"We were just taking a walk!" Hawke replied, her hands behind her back. "Getting some fresh air, you know – the usual."

"What usual?" The guard asked her, frowning. "Guests should be in the courtyard or inside the mansion, enjoying the music and getting ready for the fireworks display. Who are you two anyway? Are you even guests?" He asked suspciously.

"I'm Eden Hawke, from Kirkwall." She introduced herself, extending her hand. "Champion of Kirkwall. And this is my bodyguard, Fen – erm, Selduzar." She managed to catch herself.

"Eden Hawke?" He looked at her, surprised and looking as though he was about to laugh because he thought she was lying. "And do you have any proof of your identity, sera Hawke?" He spoke almost as if he were mocking her.

"I do, in fact."

The sneer on his face disappeared almost instantly as she took out her small pouch once more and pulled out a white invitation paper, proving who she was. The guard looked most dumbfounded, and started mumbling an apology.

"Then, might I ask you to head back into the mansion, sera Hawke?" He said, changing his voice to a rather polite tone. "Unless you and your guard are ready to leave the premises?" He extended his arm out to point towards the orange carriages.

Hawke looked at Fenris for a split second, and then turned to the guard to nod.

She had had enough of this place anyways, and it was getting late. She could see fireworks wherever she wanted, and she doubted Fenris wanted to stay here another minute. They had better things to do, she smiled to herself.

"We were just on our way out." She told the guard. "Shall we, Selduzar?"

She motioned him closer, and he nodded, walking up to her and extending out his arm, as any gentleman would. (Oh, but she knew he was anything but!) The guard seemed somewhat shocked that her bodyguard was a elf, but said nothing.

The orange carriages before them got bigger as they approached. The horses neighed and stomped the ground restlessly. As they neared, the valet kindly asked to see their invitation papers, as well as a small fee from them. Thankfully, Hawke's little coin purse had enough for their ride home.

After receiving his fee, the valet ran off to get them a carriage closer to the curb.

"You think Sebastian will be alright with a carriage to himself?" She asked as she slid her slender hand into his arm.

"He's a prince." Fenris grunted. "Besides, don't you have more important things to do?"

She smiled deviously as they walked towards the carriages.

"Sort of." She leaned over and whispered into his ear in a deeply sensual and sultry voice that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. _"Why don't you come find out?"_

He chuckled, finding her seduction techniques fairly influential.

When the valet returned with a carriage slowly approaching them, Hawke beamed in excitement. Fenris watched as she stuffed her purse back into her prominent bosom, and when she caught him looking at her chest, she grinned. He looked away, unable to wipe the grin off his face.

"The only thing I'm interested in finding out is what else you're hiding in there." Fenris said in a low voice, smirking.

* * *

**A/N:** AWWWWWW YEEEAAAAH. Fenris and Hawke gettin' IT ON! *does a little dance*.

Okay. Now that _that's _out of my system, I have a few things to say. First of all, this chapter was basically done when I posted Ch. 19... except that last bit of smut. I actually intended there to be TWO smut sections in this chapter, but it would have been rather long... and I hadn't written the last part of what happens when they get _inside the carriage_. *snickers* I suppose that will be up for you readers to dream about until I post the next chapter.

Also, I have a feeling that I've been more elaborate with descriptions of feelings and settings, and my ability to write smut has inversely gone down as a result. Is that true? I can't tell because I'm the one writing this stuff.

Another thing- the other day while stumbling around FenrisxHawke fic on here, I found someone with my same cover pic for this story (the cover is by Louvette on Deviantart, if you guys are interested). Anyways, I found this other fanfic using the same cover art as 'Cancel Me Out', and it made me really, really bummed out. Okay, I realize I sound kind of like a snob/jerk, but I don't mean to be. I mean, I know it isn't my picture/artwork being used, but I made sure to chose a pic that was a bit more rare and original. Oh well, I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Two facts though, before I sign off:

-Be prepared for more Fenris x Hawke because there will be more in the next chapters.

-there is only one more arc/tale in my story before CMO is complete. (Hint: It has to do with Fenris' companion quest)

_**As usual, Read & Review, because that's what keeps bums (I mean, writers! *ahem*) like me motivated.**_


	21. REWIND

**Summary: **Hawke and Fenris had a fling together, where Fenris pushes her away at the end for fear of endangering her, despite her trying to get back together with him. As a last-ditch effort to get back together with him, Hawke uses Anders as a attempt to get Fenris jealous. But this backfires because Fenris believes she actually likes Anders, and the two never talk about their romantic liaison ever again. Years later, Hawke and Anders' relationship have deteriorated to the point of no repair. Hawke finds out that Anders was using her all along for his apostate agenda, and breaks up with him. One night, Fenris declares to Hawke that despite them having taken other people to bed, he has never stopped caring about her and that he loves her. She has felt the same way about him, but because of her recent heartache, tells Fenris that they should take it slow if they want a relationship again. The following day, Hawke and Sebastian, and Champion of Kirkwall and Prince of Starkhaven respectively, attend a banquet together, and find that Fenris is also attending, under a disguise. Hawke and Fenris then share a beautiful night together but...

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**Chapter 21: REWIND**

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The night air was chilling, and she had to cross her arms to maintain what little warmth she had left in her petite figure. Of course, with all that had happened in the course of the past hour, one would think that Hawke was burning with intense fervor, especially after lashing out so fiercely at Aidan Reinhardt. However, even her boiling rage was not enough to keep her inner fire. In fact, she might have even felt relieved and glad, for she had now found an excuse to be outside, away from all the chatter. Now she could finally have some peace.

She found Fenris walking ahead of her, under the street lamp.

She had to apologize. It was her fault, after all. He had a good cover for himself at the party, and was perhaps even enjoying himself, but because of her notorious background, she had given him unwanted attention, something a Tevinter fugitive did not need. To top it off, once she was outside, Hawke was suddenly washed over with a sense of realization: Had she been flirting with Fenris all night? She definitely drank too much.

_Especially too much_ for her to be daydreaming as he pulled her out of the party.

Especially when she had been daydreaming about... _those _kinds of things.

She stumbled to him, fixing her hair, which she was sure looked horrendous. How embarrassing! She didn't want Fenris thinking of her as a slob... or a completely mental aristocrat, like the rest of the people there. Oh, but who was she kidding? With the way she had been acting - flirting, egging him on to kiss her and whatnot that night, Fenris probably thought she was either extremely desperate, drunk – or both.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean for this to turn into a mess. I know what I did was stupid, drawing even more attention to you than you wanted." She mumbled quickly, not looking at his eyes directly. "After all, you went through the trouble of coming out here where people would obviously take notice you. You even had to make up another identity just to be here – and I … I screwed it all up. But it's just that Aidan was really bothering me, and the Reinhardts really had no right t-"

"Shh, Hawke."

He stepped forward, his hands rose up to catch her face as it was busy blubbering out the explanation for her unorthodox behavior at the party, of which he could care less. His gaze fixated on hers with a soft, passionate fervor. His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her so close against him while the other hand rose to hold her head lovingly. Her hands rested against his chest lightly, and her eyes, initially open in surprise, closed to enjoy the moment.

Neither of them said anything for a few seconds. Under the dimly-lit lamps, with a clear night skies where the stars showing, and the a light breeze passing through their hair as they stood there, both of them were perfectly content with each other.

"Thank you," He whispered softly into her ear, kissing her earlobe. "You didn't have to speak up for me, or make a scene to raise suspicion or attention to yourself – but you did."

"You aren't mad at me?" She looked up at him timidly.

"I would not have preferred the attention, but it couldn't be avoided." He said, smiling into her hair. "If you had not done what you did, I guarantee I would have had a punch or two coming Aidan's way regardless. And trust me when I say it would've made your slap across his face seem like an Orlesian boat ride near Lake Celestine." He told her.

"Don't turn this into a competition." She smirked, regaining her posture. She was glad that he was not mad. Hopefully, he wasn't just saying this because he was trying to be nice. "I don't think poor Aidan could take another hit from either of us."

"He _did _seem to be on the verge of tears." Fenris snickered. "Regardless, in all seriousness I am grateful for your support for... my kind. You didn't have to go to such lengths..."

"Better me than you. I could deal with the attention." Hawke's hand ran along his back. He liked it when she did that. "But I don't want you getting into any more trouble than you have to."

He pulled away, looking at her with a sad expression.

"Being with me..." He started. "You will most undoubtedly be thrust into trouble often. Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"I don't know if it's a good idea." She shrugged, though her smile did not fade. "But who says I have to know whether everything is a good idea or not before doing it? I'm no more concerned about facing your dark past than you are concerned with facing mine."

She had a point.

His eyebrows rose. "Oh? And what deep, dark past are you harboring, Hawke?"

"It's a secret." She giggled.

Then, her eyes widened as she stared past his shoulder. She grabbed his arm, linking their arms together, and dragged him along.

"How beautiful!" She exclaimed as she led him near a springing fountain.

It was three-tiered, with a gray stone statue of a nymph pouring a jar of water out from her slender hands. She wore little, with her breasts exposed and her privates covered with a sculpted sheet of cloth. Her hair was long and flowing down her back in the most elegant manner. The endless water poured out from her jug and down all three tiers of the fountain, with a few coins littered at the bottom.

There seemed to only be this one fountain outside of the main manor premise, and there was no one outside for the time being. Only a few bushes and trees surrounded them, and a guard or two looked over to see both Hawke and Fenris before it. None made any motions to bother them, however. From their distance, it most likely looked like a couple coming out of the main party so that they could enjoy some time alone. After all, no one would want to interrupt a couple amidst their romantic encounter.

It was strange how she found such simple things attractive. In Tevinter, magisters could conjure those extravagant illusions up like candy. That was how they normally seduced willing initiates. Fenris knew all too well – he had seen it happen time and time again. He himself had even been victim to such promises of wealth, power, and freedom. It was all an illusion, of course, until Fenris had taken his life in his own hands and ran away from that lifestyle.

Still, he looked over at Hawke, watching as she reached down her bust to pull out a small pouch, much to his surprise. Opening her tiny bag, she took out a single bronze coin, holding it tightly in her palm with her eyes squeezed shut.

"What are you doing?" He asked inquisitively.

"Making a wish." She explained.

With that, she tossed the coin in the water. It landed with a gentle 'plop' sound, and flowed to the bottom of the fountain with all the other coins.

"Is your wish a secret?" He asked.

"It is until it comes true." She winked.

Then she pressed a coin into his palm as well.

"Want to give it a try?"

He smirked, looking at her compassionately. He appreciated the gesture.

"Hawke," He reached up to twist one of the curls of her hair behind her ear. "I don't need to make a wish for what I want to come true."

And with that, he leaned over... and kissed her.

His lips were soft against hers, and their tremblings lips immediately warmed up, parting for each other to taste. Their tongues danced slowly against each other, enjoying the sweetness. Their breaths grew hot and heated, and Fenris only pulled her closer to him. Hawke's arms rose against his silky suit and slid around his neck as one of her legs rose up as if to personify the pure happiness she was experiencing at the moment.

When they finally pulled away, both their faces were flushed, and their breaths heavy.

"I suppose my wish just came true." She smiled at him.

"Was that all you wished for?" He looked at her inquisitively, smirking, and marveled at the arousing combination of strength, vulnerability and lust that he saw in her eyes.

She blushed immediately and turned away.

"Sorry about earlier." She said softly. "I've gotten my head cleared a little out here. I didn't mean to be so... well, you know."

Fenris looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"Oh you know what I mean!" She huffed, her cheeks flushed. Did she really have to explain it to him? "I didn't mean to egg you on earlier... and to... I guess 'lead you on' would be the correct words to use! I didn't mean it."

Fenris frowned. "I thought you were being genuine, Hawke." His lips thinned. "You were joking this entire time?"

"No!" She said quickly. "I wasn't! That's not what I meant! I mean – I _did _mean it when I said I wanted you to be with me, but..."

But Fenris' frown did not subside. He just looked at her, hurt and confused. It literally made her heart melt and turn to mush. She couldn't bear see him look at her like that. He was like a lost puppy, and it made her want to hug him close.

"I had a little too much to drink." Hawke explained. "I wasn't in my right mind. I just... I didn't want to give you the wrong impression – I mean, I _did _want you to know that I was interested in you, of course, but _that_ wasn't how I planned to do it... I mean, I meant what I said earlier in the balcony. I meant half of it at least – Oh crap, this is terrible! I can't even remember all the embarrassing things I said to you now! Oh Andraste's blood, I sound like some babbling idiot!"

The frown subsided from Fenris' face, and was suddenly replaced with a light smile. He looked amused at her flustered state, and crossed his arms, staring at her intently. Hawke stared at him and waited for him to say something, but he didn't. All he did was stand there, smiling at her as if he found her current disposition funny, or cute.

"Well? Aren't you going to say anything?" She demanded, her cheeks flushed. "You're not even going to _refute_ that I sound like a babbling idiot?"

Fenris shrugged, his mile growing wider. "Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Hawke. You _are _babbling. And none of this makes sense to me either."

"I was just trying to explain myself!" She stomped her foot. "I was trying to tell you that I didn't mean to be so forthcoming and outgoing towards you about... well, you know." She shifted uncomfortably.

Fenris chuckled, his hand under his chin. "I suppose I am to blame too. After all, you made it clear last time that you desired to take things slow. I should not have been so up-front and... touchy."

She blushed, aware that he was talking about when he had grabbed her ass while they were standing outside at the balcony. That was before Aidan had rushed in to ruin the night, of course. Still, Fenris was not to blame for the situation.

She shook her head.

"I initiated it. I mean, I gave you the 'go ahead' for it. I was being silly." She said, shifting uncomfortably again. "I just... I know what I said before, and I meant it. I'm just... I was just being stupid and... well, how do I explain this?" She sighed loudly, her eyes closed shut as she felt her head pulsate. It was as if she was about to explode.

Truthfully, there was no way she could explain anything without sounding like a complete idiot, or giving Fenris a wrong impression. After all, _she _had started to flirt with him, _she _had given him plenty of incentive that evening, knowing how he felt about her and his intentions. Furthermore, _she _had been the one who had asked Fenris to kiss her – which had happened, just as she had wished. But now that she thought of it – it probably was not a great idea.

He must have thought that she was such a indecisive fool. One moment she had told him that she needed time to recuperate, and to get over Anders – but another moment she was all over him, flirting and requesting kisses (and let's not mention that far-fetched daydream she had in her mind as they ran towards the garden!) What was the poor elf to do? Hawke was well aware of how foolish she had acted tonight, and how embarrassing it was for the both of them.

"Hawke."

His voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She opened her eyes to see the hem of his long black coat, and his shiny shoes. She looked up to meet his eyes, and immediately felt better.

He did not look irritated at her, and he didn't look at her as he thought her a fool. The smile was still present in his face, and it was very gentle. His hand rose to curl her hair behind her ear.

"You're cold." He said, pulling his had away as he scanned her face, as if looking for something.

"What?" She asked, confused. "I'm fine, really." Of course, being cold was the least of her worries at the moment. But now that he had brought it up, she suddenly became aware that it _was _indeed chilly out, and she had goosebumps.

Fenris took his coat off, peeling the long fabric off his long arms to pull over her head. He looked good in all white even. Without the coat, his white collared shirt was just as charming. It was... different.

"You don't have to do that." She told him, attempting to stop him. "I'm fine, really!"

"Then why are the hairs on your skin standing?" He asked, adjusting the coat over her shoulders and ignoring her protests. "Don't worry about me Hawke. I'm used to far worse that a little breeze."

She looked down at the ground, blushing, and pressed her lips together.

This almost felt... like something that would happen in a drama. It was like a fairytale, and she wasn't too sure if that was a bad thing. It was fantastical, in every sense. It was a side of Fenris she had never seen before – a Fenris that she suddenly seen in a different light.

Had he not been born an elf, would he be the same person he is now?

Somehow, she doubted it.

But still, she felt a strange love for the Tevinter fugitive.

_This must be... This must be love. I love him so much that... I can accept anything about him, even his past. I can accept his faults, his flaws – his everything. I... I love him. So much._

She heard herself take in a sharp inhale as she looked up at him once more.

"I'm sorry." She said once again. "For tonight."

"Not all of it was bad, Hawke." Fenris told her, his hands on her shoulders. "There's nothing better than kissing a beautiful woman."

"You're making me blush again." She protested, though she was grinning. "Besides, we're going off topic! I wanted to explain myself, remember? I don't want any misunderstanding..."

"You don't need to explain further." Fenris pulled her close. "I told you before that I would accept your decisions. I plan on keeping that promise. And all the others that come after."

She looked up at him, still wrapped around his arms.

"I just didn't want you to think that I _wasn't_ interested in you." She told him. "Because I... I love you, Fenris. I don't want you thinking otherwise."

"I know, Hawke." He said softly. "I know."

They stayed like that for minutes...maybe even half an hour. Neither of them said anything more. They were just content with spending time with each other, staring at the evening stars and listening to the party music from a distance. If Sebastian or the Reinhardt family were looking for them that night, neither parties found the couple.

* * *

"Hey!"

The two immediately bolted back from one another, turning their heads to see a silver-plated, armed guard walking towards them, spear in hand. Fenris looked startled, but a second later, grabbed Hawke's hand, which surprised her, but she did not slip away from him.

"What are you two doing out here?" The guard asked in a rather loud voice.

"We were just taking a walk." Hawke replied, smiling. "Getting some fresh air, ser."

The guard hummed at them, frowning. "Guests should be in the courtyard or inside the mansion, enjoying the music and getting ready for the fireworks display. Who are you two anyway? Are you even guests?" He asked suspiciously, eyeing their linked hands with disdain. Hawke didn't care though, and neither (she hoped) should Fenris.

"I'm Eden Hawke, from Kirkwall." She introduced herself, extending her hand. "Champion of Kirkwall. And this is my bodyguard – erm, Selduzar." She managed to catch herself.

"Eden Hawke?" He looked at her, sneering and looking as though he was about to laugh because he thought she was lying. "And do you have any proof of your identity, _sera Hawke_?" He spoke in a mocking tone.

"I do, in fact."

The smirk on his face disappeared almost instantly as she took out her small pouch once more and pulled out a white invitation paper, proving who she was. The guard looked most dumbfounded, and started mumbling an apology.

"Then, might I ask you to head back into the mansion, sera Hawke?" He said, changing his voice to a rather polite tone. "Unless you and your bodyguard are ready to leave the premises?" He extended his arm out to point towards the orange carriages.

Hawke looked at Fenris for a split second, and then turned to the guard to nod.

She had had enough of this place anyways, and it was getting late. She could see fireworks wherever she wanted, and she doubted Fenris wanted to stay here another minute. They had better things to do, she smiled to herself.

"We were just on our way out." She told the guard. "Shall we, Selduzar?"

She motioned him closer and he nodded, walking up to her and extending out his arm, as any gentleman would. (How charming!) Of course, the guard seemed somewhat shocked that her bodyguard was a elf, but said nothing.

As she held Fenris' hand in hers, she looked down to admires a rare sight – his hands. Usually they were covered in his metallic claws of death, but now they were quite exposed, and for the first time in years she had gotten a glimpse of his palms again. His gloves were in the coat that she was now wearing over her shoulders.

His tanned skin was still etched with glowing lyrium of course, but she just couldn't stop staring, because she had been thinking about holding his hand for such a long time (such a petty thing, really), and it made her heart skip a beat. Veins protruded out from the back of his hand up his wrist... and disappeared under his sleeve. His white shirt contrasted nicely with his skin tone, and she could feel his warmth in her hands.

The orange carriages that were in the distance got bigger as they approached. The horses neighed and stomped the ground restlessly, eager to stretch their legs. As Fenris and Hawke neared, the valet kindly asked to see their invitation papers, as well as a small fee from them. Thankfully, Hawke's little coin purse had enough for their ride home.

After receiving his fee, the valet ran off to get them a carriage closer to the curb.

"You think Sebastian will be alright with a carriage to himself?" She asked as she slid her slender hand into his arm.

"He's a prince." Fenris grunted. "I highly doubt he's incapable of getting his own carriage. Honestly Hawke, don't you have better things to worry about?"

She shook her head at him rolling her eyes as they walked towards the carriages.

"Be careful now," She advised, raising her hands to the back of her head to make two little horns with her fingers. "I see the little green monster is emerging from your eyes again."

He smirked at her adorable gesture and ushered her towards the sidewalk.

"There is no green monster." He assured her.

"Liar." She said under her breath, and then turned to explain to him: "I didn't bring a bag or anything, and I thought it might be more convenient to just do what my mother always told me. Besides, no one would think to reach towards my chest to rob me. Genius, isn't it?"

"Unless the one robbing you goes by the name of Aidan Reinhardt." Fenris said in a low voice.

"Are you still brooding about that ass?" Hawke said in a disapproving manner. "Just let it go, why don't you? I assure you we won't be seeing him again anyways. Why not just enjoy the ride home with me?" She asked.

He turned to look at her once more, a smile once again lighting up. He took her hand and massaged it gently.

When the valet returned with a carriage slowly approaching them, Hawke beamed in excitement. Fenris watched as she stuffed her purse back into her prominent bosom, and when she caught him looking at her chest, she gave him a playful slap.

"Stop staring!" She hissed. "You're making me feel uncomfortable!"

"I've just never seen any woman carry her purse... there." He explained as they entered the rich carriage. He sat beside her. "It must be a normal thing from where you're from."

"Do women not do that in Tevinter?" She asked, somewhat hesitantly. Her voice was lowered so that only Fenris could hear her, but she was still afraid – not because someone might figure out that he was a Tevinter fugitive, but because she didn't want to be delving into a matter of his past that he was not yet ready to discuss with her.

"The women in Tevinter mostly wore robes like all the other magisters, and hid their belongings under their long sleeves." Fenris explained as he closed the carriage door. "Some of the other women would even give their trinkets to their slaves to hold."

"Really? From what I've heard, they treated slaves horribly. I can't imagine them willingly giving their own slaves their valuables?"

"The slaves they knew were completely under their control, yes." Fenris replied. His tone was no longer gentle, but it was not angry either. "The slaves were marked by order. Those who were more controlled, or 'loyal' as the magisters called it, were given better priviledges."

"Like you?"

"Occasionally Danarius and Hadrianna would take me to their social events and make me carry their belongings, yes. But they always did it out of ridicule and spite more than anything else."

"Danarius kept you close to him, then." Hawke muttered. "Even though you said that slaves with those kinds of privileges were the ones most loyal to their masters."

"I used to be... quite loyal, actually." Fenris sighed as the carriage started moving. He looked down at his lap and shook his head. "But I just didn't know any better back then."

"But you are here now." She reached over to take his hand. "And I will always be here."

Fenris smirked, squeezing her hand with his own. "If you become Viscount of Kirkwall, I can only imagine that you'll be here for quite some time."

She looked down solemnly. "I … I don't think I want that."

"You are revered in high regard in Kirkwall as Champion." Fenris told her. "The people think of you almost on the same plane as the Grand Cleric now. They say the Champion is one of the few level-headed figures in Kirkwall."

"Don't remind me." She groaned. "I don't think I would become a great leader of a city. I can barely manage a party on my own. Besides, I'm getting awfully tired of playing leader, you know..."

"Then what do you want to do?" He asked. "If I may ask, pertaining to your future?"

She looked over to him and smiled. "I don't know, honestly. I just want to have a family of my own, and to settle down soon. I think mother would have been happy if I did that. She always told me that I was getting old..."

Fenris smiled back to her, his hand not lifting from hers, and said nothing.

"Does..." She stopped, swallowing. "Does that idea... make you nervous?"

"A little." He answered simply.

"I'm sorry." She looked down. "I didn't mean to put more pressure on you. It was just an idea, and I wasn't being totally serious."

"You're making it hard for me to stop thinking about that night... years ago." Fenris sighed.

Her heart skipped a beat. They had never _really _talked about that night, not formally at least. She had always wanted to straighten things out, and now her chance had come – maybe.

"You are still worried?" She asked, hesitant.

Fenris wasn't thinking of leaving her again, was he?

There was nothing to leave, really. After all, He had not even gone all the way with Hawke tonight. Only a kiss was initiated, and nothing more (except that which she had imagined). Yet, they were practically 'dating' now, as one would call it.

"I'm not worried," Fenris corrected her. "I just... I have never given the future much though. Other than running away and dealing with Danarius, there is little else I ever considered."

"I'm not trying to tie me down." She quickly told him. "The future is always hazy, and we never know what might happen. It was just an idea, though I might as well take everything as we go."

Fenris shook his head.

"I've thought about it before, Hawke. Years ago, when we were together... I has a vision of us, in the future. I had a vision that we would be together, as a family, and that I would finally be able to have some consistency, some sense of permanence, in this world. You were there in my thoughts. I've just never told you about it." He frowned, his other hand raised up to his forehead as if he had a migraine. "But then... that night, those flashes came into my mind... visions of the past, and I got scared."

"What did you see?" She asked timidly. "If you don't mind me asking..."

"I'm not sure." He said. "I saw a memory of myself, before I was branded with these cursed markings. I was so close to the truth, to my history before Danarius, before magic. But then in one moment, it all slipped away. To have been that close and not been able to grasp that which I desperately wanted to knowledge of... I couldn't stand it."

"I understand." She told him tenderly. "I know a little of that feeling."

"I ran away from you because I didn't want it to happen again. I was frustrated with myself, with you, and I was depressed. I went straight home to drink. I didn't want to talk about it, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Being with you... it was the best thing that ever happened, but also the worst."

Somehow, his words made her heart heavy with fear and sadness. It was as if she carried a weight in her chest, and she could not get rid of it. Was he regretting being with her, again?

"What can I do to help?" She asked softly. "There is not much I can do to help you, Fenris. I'm sorry. I don't even know how to get back your memories..."

"If I were to meet Danarius again, perhaps I would know a little more." Fenris explained. "I could interrogate him before I crushed hi to a powdery pile of dust. But then again... I'm not sure if I _want _to know." His voice fluctuated with anger.

"They say the past is best left where it is." Hawke told him. "But if you want to solve the mystery of your past, you could always pursue it. I will be there with you when you need it."

"I can't let you do that." He said. "I can't put you in that kind of danger."

"I can handle myself." She pouted. "You know that."

"I _do _know that," He smiled weakly. "But Danarius has various methods of dealing with me. He has ways of getting to me that you would not even think of. He is a stubborn fool who will do anything to get what he wants, even these markings on my skin. He would not hesitate to use you to lure me out, especially if he finds how much you mean to me."

"You were afraid of endangering me?" She asked. "Back then... when you told me we could not be together..."

"I meant what I said." He told her firmly. "I told you that being with me would endanger you. It was true. Danarius has unlimited sources for information. Who is to say that he doesn't already know how much you and I are involved? I don't care about my well-being, Hawke, but I couldn't bear to see you hurt because of me."

At that moment, he looked away, his eyes alert and surprised, as if he had just realized something that he hadn't before, and then a smile crept up on his face.

"I... I never dreamed of meeting someone like you, Hawke. I never dreamed of being with someone like you, let alone... let alone losing them." He said quietly.

At that moment, Hawke was renewed with the thoughts of how much it had pained Fenris when she had started dating Anders. She suddenly realized that he had not been the only one hurting because of their break-up. He had never been able to get her out of his head, just as she had not been able to forget about him. There was a certain attraction they had felt towards each other, and now she knew for certain that it was not one-sided after all.

"You will not lose me." She assured him. "Trust me, Fenris. Please."

"I've never dreamed of being with such a beautiful, strong-willed woman." He told her as he stroked her cheek. "The thought of losing someone hurt me, for the first time. It was a new feeling for me, and I was a coward who ran away from that because I felt responsibility burdening."

"I am not blaming you." She told him truthfully. "You are not used to freedom, and taking your time to experience it is entirely understandable."

"I told myself that I was being a fool." He admitted. "I told myself that it was a one-time thing, and that it would not happened again. I didn't want to become a burden, and I didn't want to hurt you. I knew I had to stay away from you, because I would only bring you in harm's way. But... it's strange what desire can make foolish people do." He smiled a sad smile.

"You are no fool." She told him, squeezing his hand once more.

"I told you that I would hurt you, Hawke. I told you that you would be endangers, and that I would break your heart." He told her. "But... But I can't stay away from you, Hawke. You _must _know that by now. I've... I've never experienced anything like _this. _I'm afraid of losing you, just as much as I'm afraid... that I'm falling in love with you."

Tears started to formed along the ridges of her eyes.

This was the reason she didn't want to go too far with Fenris yet.

This was the reason she knew she wasn't ready yet.

This was why her decision to take things slow was the correct decision.

"_I told you that I would only break your heart._" Anders had said the same thing.

And it had become the truth.

That mage had broken her heart – he had left her crushed and devastated.

Anders had been right; he had left her a mess. She was alone, trying to pick up the pieces. She could not even believe, to this day, that he had ended it in such a manner. She had not even given him the time of day to speak to her, both because she was angry at him, and because she was heartbroken.

How long had it been? A week? Maybe even more than that. She had long lost sense of time in her days of wallowing in misery and loss. Throwing away all of Anders' belongings which he had left at her place, and all the things he did not bother to bring with him... each and every item had a meaning deep in her heart, and brought back memories of when they were together – of happier times.

She remembered, while digging out one of his manifestos from her trunk, that there was this one time, late in the afternoon when he had been sitting at her home in the library, that she had snuck up on him, placed her arms around his neck, feeling the feathers from his clothes, smelling the lavender from his clinic, and snuggled her cheek against his scruffy, unshaven skin. It felt kind of like sandpaper, and she had learned to like it. From there on, Anders had recited yet another revision of his manifesto to her as she laid her head in his lap.

Memories like these made her cry. Even the slightest mention of something that was reminiscent of Anders made her heart ache. She didn't know how to deal with it, and she wasn't even sure if she could ever get over the apostate.

There was a time during the beginning of their break-up where Hawke had told herself that she never loved him, when she was still fuming with irritation because he had used her and lied to her. That was when she told herself that her feelings had been a illusion to begin with – she never loved Anders the way she wanted. She never felt so passionately and over the top, head over heels, in love with him. That was not something that she had experienced with Anders before.

But there was no denying that she felt some kind of love towards Anders.

In their time spent together, she had grown fond of him.

She liked his knowledge and sense of intelligence the most. His ideas and his philosophy – his ability to think outside of the box, and his naivety at times – She liked all of that about Anders. Even his fondness of kittens, which she found adorable. There was plenty that she had found captivating about him, but all of this had not been realized until it was too late.

You never realized how important someone is to you until you lose them.

* * *

**A/N:** TROLLFACE.

Okay, seriously - that was what my A/N was supposed to be IF I had posted this chapter a week after my last one. Which I didn't. So now I have to actually write a long-ass response for HUGE time lapse between chapters.

So... I apologize for the delay in this chapter. I've hit writer's block and my enthusiasm meter for this story went down a little bit. I blame Dungeons & Dragons, anime, and my artwork for bothering me. Seriously though, I AM very sorry for the delay!  
The next chapter will come sooner, I promise!

SOOOO...I had two ideas for how this chapter goes based on your reactions to the previous one. And the reason for this is because I was waiting for someone to think, "Wow, Hawke and Fenris got back together way too fast! I mean, isn't she still depressed because she just got out of a year-long relationship with whats-his-face?" Which I did. Thanks to NoMadKa for pointing it out. I was waiting for someone to say that because if they did, I could go ahead with my plan (this chapter's huge troll), OR... I could make Fenris/Hawke's get-together cannon from last chapter.

I don't know if any of that made sense, but I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter (despite it's rehashed length), and I would really appreciate Reviews, because despite what you may think, audience opinions help mold the story too~


	22. Never Again

**Summary:** After having a one-night stand with Fenris, a broken-hearted Hawke pursues a long-term relationship with Anders instead. But after years of being together, Hawke is slowly drained and exhausted from Anders' neglect and inability to trust her completely. When she finds out Anders was planning to blow up the Chantry she not only destroys his plans, but also breaks up with him. From there, she tries to mend her broken heart. When she is invited to a ball at Fort Arda, she is accompanied by Sebastian, and the two of them meet Fenris there, who is in disguise and completely infuriated when Hawke is being flirted with by another man. Hawke and Fenris then step out of the party room and get on a carriage, making idle conversation. Although she is still trying to take things slow, Hawke's interest in Fenris never subsided, and she soon finds out that the feeling was mutual all these years...

* * *

**Chapter 22: Never Again  
**

* * *

"Hawke?"

Fenris' voice brought her back to reality for the umpteenth time, and she quickly looked away to wipe away at the watery ridges of her eyes. She sniffed slightly, wiping her nose with a handkerchief. She wasn't as embarrassed about it as she was ashamed. Here she was, with Fenris, loving him with all her heart as she used to years ago... but at the same time, trying to mend her heart as quickly as possible, trying to get on with her love life without rushing things.

"Have I upset you?" Fenris asked. "I do not mean to do so. I merely wanted to tell you... that you mean very much to me, and that could endanger you severely. I don't wish for anything horrid to happen to you. You understand me, do you not?"

She turned back to him, hoping her face was not as flushed as it felt, and nodded.

"I understand." She told him. "In fact, I think I understand even better than before now. I just... I just wish you had clarified the fact to me earlier."

"I didn't want you to worry," His eyes shifted to look at her directly. "Or go looking for trouble."

Her lips pouted and her eyebrows furrowed. "What? Me – looking for trouble?"

"It always finds you, doesn't it?" He chuckled.

"That doesn't mean I go around looking for it!" She protested. "I can't help that I always chance upon others in need!"

"And just how is it that you can find it in yourself to help everyone in need?" He asked. "Are you planning on doing the grocery shopping for every old lady in Kirkwall?"

"Hey!" She cut in. "I haven't done any grocery shopping for anyone except my own mother!"

"Yet." Fenris corrected, smiling at her flushed expression, glad that she was finally over Leandra's death. It have been a while since he had spent time one-on-one with Hawke, and one of the more lucid memories of her that he possessed included that image of her sobbing, eyes swollen and cheeks red, over the death of Leandra Hawke. At that time, he did not know what to say to her, but stayed with her all the same.

"You of all people should know that my aid comes with a price." She was telling him. "I need money to live, and if the situation calls for it, I call the shots." She said with pride.

"Like killing the templar last week for hounding that mage?" Fenris asked, his voice slightly irritated as he thought back about it. "She probably deserved it. You have no idea-"

"'What mages are capable of'. I know, I know." She finished for him. "You tell me every single time, Fenris. But that doesn't change the fact that all mages are not all evil and power-hungry."

"You'll understand one day when you get stabbed in the back by a mage." Fenris told her. "That'll be the day I get to say, 'I told you so'."

Hawke looked down at her lap as he said these words, closing her eyes to fight back the tears once more. Fenris' statement was true, after all. She _had indeed _been stabbed in the back by a mage, one that she loved no less. How could she be so blind?

She let out a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.

"Hawke?" Fenris asked. "Are you alright?"

She didn't answer. She knew that if she spoke, her voice would crack, and she would end up telling Fenris everything. It would only make the elf angrier, and probably endanger Anders because Fenris would end up having to march all the way to Darktown just to pummel the apostate.

After a steady silence, however, Fenris spoke up.

"I know that you and I differ in our view of the mages." He said softly. "I'm sorry if I offended you, Hawke. But I stand by my opinions."

She shook her head.

"It's not that." She told him. "I am not offended. I just... You just reminded me of some horrible memories. That's all."

"Oh? And what memories are those?" Fenris asked.

She looked up, sniffing and shaking her head again.

"Something of the past." She told him. "I'm just feeling nostalgic tonight. That's all. Why don't we talk about something else? The past is something neither of us can change, right?"

"Agreed." He nodded, though he still looked concerned for her. "A change of topic, then."

* * *

By the time they had arrived back in Kirkwall, it was long past dark, and the lanterns on the streets were the only things that provide them with light. The stones on the ground that marked the pathway made things slightly easier, but they still had to navigate their way back to their homes. Thankfully, Hawke and Fenris lived within a block away from one another.

Hawke jumped out of the carriage, her hand reaching out to Fenris for support as she landed on the ground in her heels. The warmth of his hand made her blush slightly. Acting like a teenager almost made her feel embarrassed, were it not for the fact that she was having a marvelous time.

"So," She turned to him, their hands still linked together as the carriage behind them trotted away. "Are you saying that you came up with the name Selduzar all by yourself? It isn't some Tevinter name you've heard of before?"

Fenris shook his head. "It's not of Tevinter origin, no." He told her. "I just thought of it off the top of my head. Obviously it was a good thing Piersym decided not to go."

"_Or_ he just never got the invitation to begin with." She reminded him, giggling. "What did the invitation say anyway?"

Fenris shrugged. "Ask the pirate wench, perhaps she remembers."

Hawke frowned. "Isabela? Why would she know?"

"She was at my mansion earlier. I have no idea what she wanted, but she practically pushed me to get in his ridiculous costume and follow after you and Sebastian. If she's still sleeping on my couch when I get back, I'll kill her." He muttered under his breath, then glanced at Hawke for a second. "There's no need for you to be concerned, Hawke. Isabela only stays over when she's bored and there's no one to drink with her. So you can tell the green monster lurking behind you to leave now."

She quickly blushed. "It's not like that! I was just wondering why you needed Isabela's help to get ready in the first place. Though, I suppose the costume is strange and different from what you usually wear... It _does _look awfully nice on you." She said quickly, trying to divert his attention.

"Hawke," He looked at her. "Remember? I can't read."

She blinked once, then twice.

"Oh!" She realized, even more embarrassed now. "I completely forgot!"

She felt somewhat ashamed that she would forget something so important. But then again, when she had found out that little fact, it was almost a year ago, and she was still dating Anders. Yes, that was the day Fenris had found her, drenching in rain water, waiting for Anders to hurry back from his clinic, and their date had been ruined. Luckily for her, Fenris was there to take care of her.

For now, she wasn't sure if she could consider that day a precious memory or not. Seeing how she had so easily forgotten little details that occurred that day, such as Fenris' inability to read, it was currently the latter.

"I'm sorry." She said, hanging her head down in shame. "I didn't remember."

"I do not blame you. It is not something one could remember so easily." Fenris told her. "After all, most people learn to read when they're young. Like I said before, slaves were not permitted to read. If I were taught to read at an early age like you, or in have been taught how to read in the past, that kind of knowledge is likely lost to me now."

"That shouldn't stop you." Hawke told him, squeezing his hand tightly. "I can still teach you, Fenris. You can learn – or relearn - how to read and write. I promised I would teach you, wouldn't I? What about tomorrow afternoon? We can make it a date!"

"A date?" He looked at her skeptically, causing her to blush almost automatically.

"Well, I mean..." She didn't know what to say. What was with him and putting her on the spot tonight? He was making it hard for her to answer.

She didn't want to be direct. Hell, she _never _liked being direct when it came to romance. Playing the leader in everything else in Kirkwall seemed to turn around and kick her in the ass half the time. That was why when it came to things like love and dating, she really just wanted to be led – to be the one that followed instead of leading – and Fenris was the perfect leader – the perfect dominant. Half of her often wondered if she should try to make the Tevinter elf jealous and pissed off on purpose so that he would … well, get rough with her.

She couldn't stop fidgeting her foot as she talked: "I know we're not supposed to be 'dating', so to speak – what with me saying we should take it slow and all – but that doesn't mean we can't go on a date now and then, right? We can make it a friendly event. Am I right?"

"If you were to ask me, it sounds more as though you were trying to convince yourself, Hawke." He smirked – Maker, that smirk was just so smug.. and so dashing. Fenris' voice entered her ears every time like bells in the winter: "You don't need to persuade me, Hawke. I have no qualms with the context of this 'date' you are planning."

"Fenris." Hawke frowned, and put her hands to her hips. "Are you putting me on the spot to make me nervous on purpose today? How very ignoble of you!"

He chuckled. "Perhaps we should consult Ser Selduzar on this matter then. He was quite the gentleman, last I checked."

"Yes," Hawke looked at him with a smug look. "Up until he grabbed my ass, that is."

"Then perhaps you should reconsider your wardrobe selections." Fenris' eyes flashed dangerously at her. "You wouldn't want to attract any more unwanted attention, do you?"

"Is that a hint of jealousy I detect, dear elf?" She retorted.

"I'm merely stating facts." Fenris' eyes scanned her up and down once more. It sent her shivers down her spine – the exciting kind. "You shouldn't be wearing such revealing clothes, Champion."

"_Now _you sound like my mother." Hawke said, giggling. "It's not as though I was showing a lot of skin. You honestly mean to tell me you didn't find _any_ of those outfits the other women were wearing to be more revealing than mine? You must be blind, Fenris!"

"I do not care about other women, Hawke." He told her quite simply, making her blush again. "You were my only concern tonight. It's the whole reason I came all the way to that damned party."

"To spy on me and Sebastian, you mean." She pointed out. "Because you were jealous."

"If you can call me blind, Hawke, then I reserve the right to call you 'deaf'." He told her, his brows furrowing. "Especially if you haven't heard all the celebrity talk surrounding you and the so-called Prince." Fenris talked of Sebastian like he was the plague from the Age of the Lost Crown.

Hawke crossed her arms. "I'm not deaf, Fenris. I know - possibly more than you - of all the rumors going around town. I just choose to ignore them. Besides, if they want to talk – let them. There are only a select few people that I care about letting know the truth." She looked him straight in the eyes. "You _know _that I was _asked_ to help him get his future together. I don't care about Sebastian _that _way, and I _never_ will. Besides, he may have decided to restore his family name to the throne, but that doesn't mean he is giving up his Chantry duties. He intends to still follow the way of a Chantry brother, even when he becomes the ruler."

"Let's see how long that lasts." Fenris replied sarcastically. "A ruler is no ruler to his people if he can't provide offspring for the next generation. His people will undoubtedly count his desire for abstinence against him."

"We don't know that." Hawke said.

"You sound mighty defensive about Sebastian." Fenris pointed out, his hand under his chin. "Have I made you upset?" He joked, his dashing smirk reappearing.

Hawke frowned, blushing furiously. "I'm not upset, Fenris. I just don't want you getting the wrong idea. I told you that I only care about explaining myself to a few select people. Everyone else can talk and chatter about me all they want." She paused, looking at the floor and fidgeting with her feet. "You know... I don't want you to get the wrong impression. Years ago, that was what made us fall a further apa-"

Fenris pressed his fingers against her lush lips and smiled warmly. Her eyes widened in surprise, but then softened as their eyes met. Fenris pulled her close, tugging on her wrist, and wrapped his arms around her. She instantly felt safe, reassured, and warm. His body heat engulfed her, and it felt strange to lay her head against such soft clothes when she expected his usual metal armor scraping lightly against her. Resting against his chest in the cold night air, she gently twirled the feathers dangling from his shoulders with her fingers, smiling to herself.

"Do not talk about out past misconceptions any further. They were misunderstandings, and failure on both our parts. But now, everything will be different. I lost you once before, and that was enough." Fenris pulled away, his hands clutching her shoulders firmly. "Never again, Hawke."

And he kissed her on the forehead.

She glowered with affection and longing, her cheeks warming up nearly instantaneously. As his hands left her shoulder, her left hand clutched on to his and squeezed. She smiled at him dreamily.

"So does this mean …" She paused because she had no idea what to call whatever it is they were starting. Saying a 'relationship' seemed too formal and too soon. Instead, Hawke smiled warmly at Fenris and reworded herself: "Will I be seeing you tomorrow then? At noon? Your place?"

Fenris paused for a moment, and then smiled. "Sounds like a plan, Hawke."

"Great!"

They reached the door to her mansion, and she hopped away from him to stand in front of him, taking a moment to look at Fenris again, taking a mental picture of the elf, dressed in such an extravagant black suit, wearing something completely out of his element. It made her giggle and blush.

"What is it, Hawke?" He demanded. "You think I look funny in these clothes?"

She shook her head. "It's not that. I'm just... I'm just happy. It's just nice... to have you by my side again." She confessed, smiling. "I know it sounds cheesy and completely cliché, but I just wanted to tell you that."

"Hawke," He leaned over to give her a parting hug, whispering lightly into her ear: "I am yours, always."

* * *

**A/N:** I know, I know... all these weeks of no update, and when I FINALLY DO update, it's short as crap. I'm sorry. I'm trying! Being a jobless graduate is just making me depressed. :( Also, Warden from DAO might make an appearance or cameo via dialogue. Anyways, please review, I would like a lot more of those, because frankly speaking, I'm hitting the bottom of the hole and would love it if you guys sent some niceness up my alley!


	23. Only You

**SUMMARY THUS FAR:** Hawke loves Fenris, but when he walks out on her she starts a new relationship with Anders. Over the next three years, she becomes Champion of Kirkwall and her relationship with Anders fails when she finds out that he had been using her to scheme up blowing up the Chantry. Hawke manages to thwart Anders' plans and breaks up with him as well. The two are now in a stalemate, with Hawke refusing to talk or visit Anders at his clinic. Fenris tells her that he wants to be with her once more, but even though Hawke wants to be with her former lover, her broken heart is not easily healed. She tells Fenris she wants to take things slow...

* * *

**Chapter 23: Only You**

* * *

It was strange what love and desire could make foolish people do, and it was no lie that Hawke herself had been a fool. Once upon a time, her world had been set on fire, and she had not known what to do at the time. Fenris had left her, and she had - in her loveless depression – given in to desperation and ran to Anders in attempt to remedy her broken heart. Fenris had never been so infuriated and difficult to deal with since then. Hawke had no idea what she could do to get the elf back.

Never in a million years had she ever dreamed she would be with an apostate or an elven Tevinter slave. Never in a million years had she ever dreamed that she would lose either. With Anders no longer hers and Fenris now willing to come back to her, she didn't know whether she should be happy or ashamed. What price must she pay to love again? At what expense? To be honest, she was still afraid of falling in love again. But at the same time, she found the idea riveting and exciting - she had always felt that way when she was near Fenris.

A voice in the back of her told her that she already knew the answers to all her questions. She loved Fenris, just as she loved Anders. Both were vastly different in terms of personality and moral high-ground. Both of them broke her heart once before in their wicked games of love spells and deception. Yes, she had been made to feel a certain way- loving both men, and dreaming of them in her deep slumber. She had loved them tenderly and affectionately, eating at the words they told her and believing their words of happiness and fulfillment with her, only to leave her alone in the end.

Could she really trust their words again?

* * *

_Fuck if I know._

Hawke tossed around under her sheets, feeling the silky texture against her skin and shivering from its coolness. She closed her eyes, only to open them again to gaze out at the moon lurking beyond her large windows. The stars were particularly bright tonight. To be honest, she could hardly believe what had happened tonight.

Fenris looked extremely handsome today. She didn't even know how else to describe it, but nevertheless felt extremely shallow for being so attracted to a simple costume change. Of course, she liked his usual dark armor with the spiky pauldrons as well – but a change in scenery was always welcome. She wasn't even sure whether Fenris himself knew how dashing he presented himself. Hawke was surprised Isabela could control herself from pouncing on the elf when he had first changed into the ensemble. She was glad the pirate didn't though.

Hawke had not only been in awe of Fenris' sudden change in appearance, but also found herself surprised to see how well Fenris had actually fared in blending in at such an event. Even Hawke had to admit that she had been saved in conversation by him many times this evening. It made her giggle a little when she thought about it. Perhaps if Fenris ever got tired of the mercenary work they did, Hawke could suggest to him a career in the theater arts. For an ex-slave that had been trained only to serve, he certainly had a broad range of skills. She would have to ask Fenris about it later.

Laying on her bed in the dead of night, unable to sleep without wiping that smile off her face, Hawke felt her jaw muscles start to tense up and hurt from her uncontrollable, stupid grinning under the covers. Her hand rose above her head as she shifted her position to get more comfortable. She tried once more to settle down and get a good nights' rest.

_Sweet Andraste, what have I gotten myself into?_

Fenris was so lovely to her tonight – the way he hugged her, squeezed her hand and kept her warm and feeling safe all night – it could only be described as 'magical' (much to Fenris' dismay). She blushed every time he stared at her and she, unable to turn away, stared back. She had to take in a deep breath every time he smiled to her to keep her heart from popping out of her chest. And she had to resist every urge she had to lay her lips against his skin tonight.

She told herself that until she had a better picture of everything and figured out _what _exactly she was trying to do with her life, she would not be delving into anything serious or official. She also told herself not to be too spontaneous – not now, at least. She knew that just because she wanted to be with Fenris, having a plan that took into consideration her future and exactly what she wanted out of a relationship should come first.

It was silly now that she was actually lying down and thinking about it. Years ago, she had never really considered her own future in her relationships. In fact, her own mother seemed far more concerned than Hawke's love life than Hawke herself. But perhaps it was because she was now in her early thirties and this was a natural reaction to that time in her life. Whatever the reason, on this particularly starry night, Hawke found herself asking exactly what she desired out of a relationship, and how she was planning to live out the rest of her life in Thedas. It was almost inevitable that her thoughts would eventually get more philosophical and existential as the night went on.

Regardless, with her heartache for Anders only starting to fade, Hawke knew she needed at least a at least a month, perhaps even a year, before letting herself slip back in on the dating scene. The memories of what had happened between her and Anders still gave her a plethora of different emotions – regret and anger being the most prominent.

She wondered … if she had made a stronger effort to connect with Anders, would any of this had happened? Would she still be with Anders right now? Perhaps he would even had accompanied her to the ball tonight, and be sleeping next to her right now.

But he wasn't – and it made her feel extremely lonely all of a sudden.

Even when they were dating, Anders sometimes would not come back to her mansion to sleep until late. By then, she would not have had any time to speak with him because she had long gone to bed hours before. Still, waking up with Anders beside her brought her _some_ comfort in the mornings – and now that he was gone, it just made her heart twist into a terrible knot every morning.

Not that it mattered. Hawke knew that it would come to this – every time. Each time she began to think about Anders, her cycle of feelings would _always _take a turn to the other side. She would start to feel angry. First at herself, but then at Anders himself. It was bad enough that he had stood her up several times in the past, but she had _endured it _because she thought it was all because Anders had important work at his clinic, _helping other people_ – not _plotting to kill _them. Additionally, the fact that he hadn't even thought of telling her – or even dropping a hint of what he had done – it just made her so infuriated. She had done his dirty work, and almost helped him get away with his plans. One would think that after three years of being together, trust would be the last of their issues.

Apparently, Hawke thought wrong.

Nevertheless, her thoughts on the matter took its toll on her every time. It made her want to drink herself into oblivion, partly because she blamed herself for what Anders' thought process had turned into, and partly because she felt as though she had played the part of the fool and Fenris had been right all along. Her stubborn side refused to admit the latter though. Whichever the case, it just made her exhilarating night turn sour.

Groaning from the unhappy thoughts, Hawke turned to lay on her side, pulling on the thick blankets to cover herself more. Bundled in a warm lump, she shut her eyes tightly, trying to get some uneasy rest.

* * *

When the morning sun came up through her curtains for the millionth time in her life, Hawke was greeted by a knock on her bedroom door. All she heard behind it was the muffled voice of her servant. Groggily sitting up from her bed, she squinted her eyes in attempt to get mildly adjusted to the light, thinking 'I should _really _get some thicker curtains in here'. It got pretty hot in the summer in Kirkwall – much more than it was back in Lothering.

"Come in." She said, rubbing her eyes with her hands.

"M'lady?" Bodahn's stubby little fingers curled around her door as it cracked open, and the dwarf poked his head inside her bedchamber. "Pardon the intrusion, messere, but it's nearly noon. I wasn't sure if you had made any plans that needed to be done today."

"It's nearly _what?_"

Hawke got out of her bed with such intensity and swiftness that it made the dwarf look on with confusion and surprise. She quickly scrambled onto her feet and disappeared from his sight behind the dressing screen in her room. Throwing off her night dress, she slipped into some comfortable underwear and a breastband before putting on a pair of trousers and a ruffled shirt she had grabbed from her dresser, with her comb in her mouth as she buckled her pants.

"Did you have something important today?" Bodahn asked.

"I suppose you could call it that." She replied, scrabbling around her room.

She then proceeded to explain herself to him, though obviously not in detail. Bodahn had long gone to bed when she returned last night. She didn't want the dwarves and her maid to worry about her. After all, they were the only ones left to accompany her in this old, empty home – the thought of which made Hawke feel grateful that she still had them, because she was seldom ever in the mansion and usually never had free time to spend with them.

Now that she thought about it, there was a lot that Bodahn, Orana, and Sandal had helped her with over the years. Without them, Hawke didn't know where she would be at the moment. When she was sick, they took care of her; they made dinner for her when she came home; they delivered her messages for her; they cleaned her home and made sure it didn't go to the dogs; Sandal had even rescued her once or twice with his gifted talents.

Hawke quickly reappeared from behind the screen, fully dressed and with a smile on her face. In all honestly, she was actually into an extremely jolly mood – the reason behind this was obviously because she was meeting Fenris at his mansion to teach the elf how to read. Even thinking about it made her giggle. A merry mood indeed.

"Will you be coming home for supper then?" Bodahn asked, accompanying her down the stairs. "Shall I tell Orana to hold off buying the cooking ingredients for tonight?"

Hawke shook her head as they entered the main halls. "Cook and eat whatever you want – put it on my tab. I want you to enjoy yourselves – you've certainly deserved it. Especially so for taking care of Orana for me. I know it should have been my responsibility, but you know how being a famous is like in a rather... _peaceful _city like Kirkwall." Hawke grinned.

"In good spirits today, are we?" Badahn let out a hearty laugh as he resumed his usual position in the hall, near the entrance. "I must say, it is nice to see you smiling and making jokes again, my lady." He admitted, looking at Sandal.

"Well," Hawke flushed. "I am feel much better now. Sorry for worrying you all this time."

Orana came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her white apron. She looked at Hawke with an inquisitive look, her posture still as timid as ever. Yet compared to when Hawke first saw her again on her Hawke mansion doorstep, Orana was looking a lot better – more flesh on her bones and more color in her skin.

"You are going out today, mistress?" Orana asked. "What shall I prepare for supper?"

Hawke shook her head. "Nothing today, Orana. Come here. I have something to give you. I want you to take this." Hawke motioned for the elf to come closer, and then handed the young elven maiden a few dozen silvers and gold into her tiny hands.

"What's this?" Orana said in surprise - as if her eyes couldn't get any bigger. "Mistress, 'tis too much! I received the pay you gave me but a week ago! Th-this is-"

"Consider it a raise, an advance- preferably even a present. It is for all of you." Hawke told her, winking and looking at Bodahn and Sandal as well.

"A … a present? But - But we can't accept this, it's not ri-"

"It is fine, Orana." Hawke shook her head. "Come on now. You keep staring like that, and your eyes might just pop out." She smirked as Orana's hands immediately went to clutch her face. "That was a joke, silly."

Orana nodded, relieved. Bodahn, however, still looked at her in question, and Hawke sighed.

"Bodahn, you're giving me that _look_ again."

"I can't help it, messere. I just want to know what is going on." He explained. "If I'm being sacked, you might as well tell me to my face. We dwarves are prideful creatures, you know."

"Now, now... you _know_ that's not what I meant." Hawke replied, her hands on her hips. She shook her head. "You all know... I'm not very good at these things when I'm in front of friends – Honestly, I was hoping to just laugh it off casually."

"But messere, that is over a hundred gold pieces-"

"I know, Bodahn." Hawke smiled. "You see... I woke up this morning in a good mood. And I realized something important that I rarely get to say to you – something that I _should have _said a long time ago. And I know I like to make jokes and sarcastic remarks a lot, so it will sound strange coming from me..." Her voice trailed off for a second as everyone in the mansion had their eyes on her. She tried to ignore it. Hawke's voice was slightly quivering, but not because she was feeling nervous or anything. "But, well, seeing how mother is no longer here to express these things, it's my responsibility to do this also on her behalf."

Truthfully, she had never mentioned her mother before since Leandra's death, and everyone avoided talking about her in front of Hawke as if it were the plague. She wanted the avoidance to end, because Hawke knew that it was time to move on– and because it no longer bothered her.

"I just wanted you all to know," Hawke smiled appreciatively. "I don't think I could ever repay you all for what you've done these past years. With mother gone and the house so quiet, you all have been so kind to me. Without you, I don't know if I could even live in this home anymore. Not with all the things that have happened recently... I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate it a lot. Even you, Orana." Hawke shot a look at the elf, who looked as though she was about to object again.

"Well I assure you that the feeling is mutual, messere." Bodahn nodded after a moment of silence. "It makes me almost teary in the eyes."

"Almost?" Hawke raised an eyebrow. "Bodahn, you wound me." She laughed.

"Wound you? Oh, no. Not as much as that ogre did to you last month."

"Your jokes are terrible, Bodahn!"

The dwarf cleared his throat as Hawke giggled, his face slightly flushed behind his facial hair. "Jokes aside, messere. It will make me slightly sad when the time comes from me and my boy here to leave." He smiled somberly.

"Well, we'll make sure to throw you a party when the time comes." Hawke patted him on the back. "Now, how about you all have a night to yourselves, huh? A night of rest and merriment! After all, I can't be allowed to have all fun, can I?" She laughed, her hand placed lightly on Orana's shoulder.

"Yes, you are going to Ser Fenris' place, aren't you?" Bodahn inquired.

Hawke nodded.

"Messere Fenris?" Orana's voice was quiet. "You are going to be…. with him?"

"Well..." Hawke looked at Orana, trying to decide how to answer to that. It was a somewhat direct statement. She didn't know what to say yet, so she went with her gut feeling. "Well, I was going to teach him how to read. I sort of promised."

Hawke tried to shrug it off as a casual thing. Yes, she was interested in Fenris as more than a friend – and it was very obvious. But at the moment, she was just a friend, and the same went for Fenris. Yes, Fenris was just a friend of hers.

_An extremely sexy friend, that is._

She heaved deeply with naughty thoughts, and the quickly shook her head to rid herself of the voices and scenarios in her head. _Stop that, Hawke!_

"Wonderful!" Orana clapped her hands together. "I've been learning to read a little myself."

"I've been teaching her." Bodahn added in. "Catches on fast, she does. She even bought a new cookbook last week. Reading doesn't seem too hard for her. Perhaps messere Fenris can pick it up the same way."

"Yes. We're hoping that it will even jog his memory a little of his past." Hawke said. Then she thought about it, and decided that Fenris probably hadn't really thought that far - that was more of a thought on her part. "Well, at least I'm hoping it will." She added quickly.

Orana's head dropped. "Oh… his memories. They gone, aren't they? It's all because... because of Magister Danarius, isn't it? Ser Fenris has no memories because of his previous master."

Hawke nodded. "Danarius wants to wipe his memories against his will once he gets his hands on Fenris again." The thought made Hawke's blood boil, and her eyes glowered. "Fenris says Danarius will likely strike again, but I'd like to see him try."

"But Magister Danarius... he's just like... like my former mistress." Orana said meekly. She was still unable to utter Hadriana's name. "Aren't you scared? They're powerful, messere. "

"So am I." Hawke reassured the elf, boasting slightly. Her eyes with danger, mixed with hate for the Tevinter magisters like Danarius and Hadriana. "Do you not believe me, Orana? Danarius may be strong, but if it were up to me, I'd like to see which of us is stronger."

"You... you _did _get rid of my mistress." Orana said it in a way that made Hawke feel bad – kind of like Hawke had taken Orana's mother way from her. "You... you avenged my mama and papa." At least _that _made Hawke feel tons better.

"Hadriana deserved it." Hawke said in a nonchalant tone. It was the truth, after all. "She did horrible things... to you, your family, and many others."

"I... I know that now, mistress." Orana nodded meekly, though Hawke recalled that it had taken Orana quite some time to learn that it was _not right _to kill others for your enjoyment. It had been a strange concept to teach an elf that had been born into servitude like Orana. Nevertheless, the elven maid talked with a timid voice: "I only wish... I only wish that we could get rid of that life... for ser Fenris – so that he won't have to run away anymore. But we can't, can we? I mean... what if – what if they come back for him? Danarius knew me and my mama and papa. What if they come for me too?"

At this point, she started babbling and droning on about how scared she was that Fenris would be dragged back to Tevinter, along with Orana herself. Occasionally, the elf maid would have a few fits about her previous life, and how scared she was about being found out. It made Hawke feel terrible for the life of all the slaves in Tevinter – if it were in her power, she would march over there with an army of her own if it were allowed.

"Orana." Hawke took Orana by the shoulders. "Calm down. Listen to me: they will _never_ take you _or _Fenris away from here. _Never_. They will _never_ drag you back. I won't let them – not you, not Fenris. Neither of you will ever be going back to Tevinter. _Ever again_. If anything, I will promise you that. If they want you, they'd have to claim you over my dead body."

"_My, my, Hawke... aren't you forgetting that Tevinter is a whole ocean away?"_

"Isabela?!"

Hawke turned just in time to see the doors to her home close and a certain pirate wench strutting her way towards them, hips swaying, hoop earrings dangling, and boots clinking on the marble floors. Isabela winked and put her arm over Hawke as she joined the party, smirking.

"Even if they manage to land a ship here, don't be too surprised if they all miraculously drop dead before you even manage to arrive on the scene." Isabela continued, leaning towards Hawke. "I can't wait to see the look on your upset face when you find out that The Queen's Pearl, running at full-speed and power by then, has stolen your little battle glory away."

"The Queen's Pearl?" Hawke looked at her inquisitively. "Did you _really_ name it _that_?"

"You bet." Isabela snickered.

"Are you the 'Queen', then?" Hawke teased. "Why do I get the feeling that you named it that in reference to something I _don't _want to know about?"

Isabela whistled innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about, Hawke."

"You liar." Hawke couldn't help but giggle. "I assume Castillion's boat has been going through a few paint jobs?"

"More than a few." Isabela smiled, shaking her head a bit. "That man's taste in color and interior design was awful! Seriously, the inside of it was painted in purple and yellow! Can you believe it, Hawke?! _Purple and yellow. _Blech. Andraste's mighty tits on the mast would have looked better." At this point, Hawke chuckled a little. Isabela winked. "Anyway - I just wanted to drop in and talk about a certain lady's night yesterday."

"Can't it wait?" Hawke asked in a impatient manner, checking the clock. "I have... a date."

"A date?" Isabela leaned in closer. Hawke was surprised that she didn't smell the liquor from the pirate wench earlier. Drinking _this _early in the day was Isabela's specialty though. "What's this date, Hawke? Tell us all the juicy details!"

Bodahn held both his hands up in polite refusal. "Not me, thank you. I would prefer not to know... _too much _detail. I try to stay away from the personal affairs of the mistress." He coughed and ushered his son to the corner where they usually stayed at.

Orana giggled for the first time.

"I'd better get to work too, mistress." She said, curtsying. "I thank you graciously for treating me so well. I am forever in your debt. Please don't hesitate to ask for my help in anything. If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen." And with that, Orana strode away from the two women, leaving the two women to talk excited among each other.

"You _can't _just _not _tell me, I put in a lot of effort for you, you know!" Isabela demanded. "_Please _tell me what happened. Oh, Hawke... _please _don't tell me you didn't even see my wonderful present last night! I'm talking about Fenris – _not Sebastion -_just so we're clear."

"I know, I know! I know you're not talking about Sebastian." Hawke tried telling the pirate before she continued drabbling on. "I know who you're talking about, and yes – I _did _see Fenris last night! Are you happy now?"

"Not quite!" Isabela licked her lips. "What did you think? He cleans up pretty nicely, doesn't he? I prefer my men to look a little dirtier, of course... but didn't he just look delicious? Were you surprised? Did I surprise you with my... _gift_?"

Hawke blushed instantly at the thought of last night. Fenris did look good. _Really_ good. She couldn't even bring herself to deny it. After all, she had spent an entire night with the man, and was sure that she had fallen head over heels for him... again.

"You look as though you're hiding something, Hawke – tell me what happened!" Isabela ushered at her. "I want to know _every_ detail!"

"Can't I tell you later, Isabela?" Hawke whined. "I was just about to go meet him!"

"A date?" Isabela smirked again, withdrawing her arm from Hawke's shoulders. "So I take it this means you and the elf are back together? What happened to a little lag time between the two boys, hmm? Couldn't resist him in that get-up, huh?"

"Oh, shut up Isabela." Hawke blushed harder. "You know, if I hadn't found out from Fenris that you were behind it all, I would've assumed Fenris had been dressed by the tailors from The Bare Fox-"

"Oh, I love that place! Did you know they have a whole section in the back for those of us girls who are... let's just say, more _adventurous _in the bedroom?" Isabela said this as if she were proud of the fact, and Hawke almost laughed.

"What? I didn't know that! I didn't even see a back section!"

"You want to go there sometime together?" Isabela suggested. "We haven't gone shopping for a while – perhaps even ask Merril to join? Have a little girl time?"

"Sounds like a date for another day." Hawke smiled. "Although, I'm surprised. I had no idea you went shopping in Hightown, Isabela!"

"I don't." Isabela shook her head. "I _do _frequent the Blooming Rose though."

"_That,_ I know." Hawke reminded her. "What was that young elf's name again? Helann? Gelath?"

"Jethann." Isabela corrected. "And he's the _best _in bed.. . My, my, does he know how to lic-"

"Isabela, I don't need _those _kinds of details!" Hawke said, waving her hands. "Besides, what does the Blooming Rose have to do with The Bare Fox?"

"I met that girl there... what was her name? Oh! Verity."

"You know Verity?" Hawke's eyebrows twisted in confusion. "From the Blooming Rose?"

"You seem to be the only one with no interest in that place, Hawke. Honestly, there _is _fun to be had in Kirkwall, you know. And I'm not just talking about running around the Viscount's Keep with Captain-Man-Hands."

"Please, Isabela. "You talk as though I've no fun anymore." Hawke pouted.

"Well, I suppose you've proved me wrong if what I think happened last night at that banquet _really_ happened."

"I don't want to know what you think happened." Hawke told her. "Please don't tell me."

"Are you sure? It's quite lovely and romantic though!"

"From my experience, your idea of 'romantic' and mine are totally different."

"Oh, for maker's sake Hawke, I'm just trying to weasel out the details from you! Why don't you just tell me what position you took it in last night?"

"Isabela!" Hawke shushed at the pirate. "Honestly, must you be _so bold _with your asking? Besides, I have questions of my own too, you know!" She said, trying to change the subject.

"Like what?"

"Why are you trying so hard to get me back together with Fenris?" Hawke asked, her tone a little more hushed. "Don't think that I haven't noticed, Isabela. It seems out of character."

"Uh... Because I _want_ to?" Isabela laughed uneasily.

"That's another lie you've told me, Isabela." Hawke crossed her arms. "Why the secrets today?"

Isabela let out a deep huff in desperation and impatient. "Well, I didn't want to tell you about this part of my story last week since I thought you were still mad at me. It's about Fenris and I." She said quietly, shifting her weight to one foot.

"What are you talking about?" Hawke's heart skipped a beat, and there were many unhappy scenarios that her pessimistic mind instantly went though. "What is it?"

"Well, Fenris and I... when we were 'together' that night..."

Hawke remember when she would shudder at that idea again. Now that curdling feeling rose once more in her stomach and she knew it wouldn't sit well with her. But she stomached her way through it and listened to Isabela, whom she no longer looked at with as much animosity as she used to when she first learned the pirate had bedded Fenris.

"Well," Isabela looked at Hawke like a small child who had done something horrible would to her parents. "When we 'did it', Fenris felt terrible later on and it didn't quite feel right with me either."

"Was he _that _bad compared to the other men?" Hawke looked at her, amused.

"No wise-cracks this time, Hawke." Isabela said sternly, which caught Hawke in surprise. Isabela was _never _serious when it came to these things. "I'm trying to tell you something that I should have said to you weeks ago when we were discussing this on the coast."

"Okay..." Hawke lowered her arms and gave Isabela her undivided attention. "Well, what is it?" She hoped that it was not something terrible. Right now, a million horrible ideas were swimming around in her head.

"It was more of my idea to begin with, Fenris didn't really care but went along with it anyways." Isabela said first before continuing: "But after we did 'the deed', neither of us felt right about it but decided that we should continue to make things seem as if they were fine, and that Fenris and I were still getting together occasionally. It was my stupid idea, because I knew that broody stick-in-the-mud still had feelings for you. And I'm talking about _really really strong feelings _for you, Hawke. Even back then – I swear I even saw him tearing up a little at the end."

"What?" Hawke blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"Fenris and I decided to try and make you think that we were getting together in an effort to get you jealous. It was stupid and childish, I'll admit – but it worked, didn't it? Kind of?" Isabela scratched her head sheepishly, looking at Hawke hopefully.

Hawke didn't know what to say.

Who would have thought – Isabela, trying to be the matchmaker.

The first thing Hawke felt was a sense of relief. Suddenly, everything felt a little bit lighter. All of the horrible ideas in her head went away in an instance.

"Are you saying that you and Fenris... didn't have sex..."

"More than one time, no." Isabela shook her head. "Just that once. And I'm pretty sure he was still thinking of you, dear girl."

Isabela didn't look particularly shaken or sad by this fact, which reinforced Hawke's idea that the pirate indeed didn't have feeling for her favorite elf, ever. Everything with Isabela was purely physically, of course. She should've known better.

"Why are you telling me this?" Hawke asked.

Isabela shrugged. "I don't know. I just thought you might want to know. You know, since it seems like you're courting the elf again." She winked.

Hawke blushed but ignored Isabela's statement. "You still haven't answered my question though, Isabela. Why did you send Fenris to that Banquet last night? What if he had met some Tevinter magisters there who recognized him? Or what if he hadn't been allowed to enter at all and was detained for being a elf who everyone thought had run away? Wouldn't it be dangerous?"

"Well, that's why I told him to be on the lookout." Isabela said casually. "I told him to study the way others talked and walked... and to be on the lookout for you. He's not an idiot, Hawke. Give the elf _some _credit, at least. He _did _make it back here in one piece, didn't he?"

Hawke nodded. "He actually did extremely well at the party. He even talked me out of a few confusing situations. It was actually really surprising to see that side of him." She explained.

"Maybe his time serving the Tevinter magisters at their parties helped provide him with some insight." Isabela shrugged. "But aside from that... to answer your question – to put it simply, I'm helping you get back together because I feel guilty. Oh, and because you seem to have strong feelings for each other. But mostly the first reason."

Hawke knew that was another lie, but did not call her out on it. Instead, she smiled at the pirate, knowing that Isabela had actually been concerned about her and Fenris, and in reality had known all along that Fenris and Hawke had very strong feelings for each other. In truth, Isabela might have felt bad about bedding Fenris, but that time had long since passed and Hawke had forgiven her for it (though that didn't mean thinking about it made her feel too good).

"So did you kiss, even?" Isabela asked, snorting. "Don't tell me you didn't even kiss the charming man?!"

"We did." Hawke beamed. "Perhaps once or twice."

"Anything else?" Isabela leaned forward once more. "Anything more... juicy?"

"Must you always be in my business, Isabela?" Hawke said, her face growing hot. "Nothing like 'that' happened last night."

"Then why the blushing, hot cheeks?" Isabela smirked. "Come one, you've got to at least tell me a _little bit _of the sweet details!"

"Well, he grabbed my ass a little during the party..." Hawke said quietly. "Other than that... I hate to disappoint you, Isabela, but other than that everything else happened entirely all in my mind."

"Oh, but I want to know about that too!"

"Honestly, woman, do you know no boundaries?" Hawke exclaimed.

"I'm a _pirate_, Hawke." Isabela reminded her. "I sail past boundaries of all sorts, darling. Knowing that, do you _really _have to ask?"

"You have a fair point." Hawke laughed. "Perhaps later tonight I'll tell you all about the juicy details in my mind – I'm afraid my mind might even be dirtier than yours!"

"Doubt it." Isabela snickered. "But I _do _enjoy trading dirty fantasies with a fe-"

"_AHEM."_

Hawke and Isabela both turned to Bodahn, who had been coughing into his fist. When their eyes met, the dwarf immediately signaled with a nudge of his head towards the front foyer of Hawke's mansion. There stood another visitor for the day.

Fenris. In the flesh.

"Fenris!" Hawke exclaimed first. "I'm sorry! I was just about to head over to your place! I just got side-tracked slightly!" She shot Isabela an irritated look, but the pirate pretended not to notice and instead walked past Hawke and towards the elf first.

"You weren't eavesdropping on us ladies, were you?' She asked him suspiciously. "'Cause that would be mighty rude of you, you know."

"Talk for yourself, pirate." Fenris replied. "Of all the _ladies_ I have met in my lifetime, you hardly fit the description."

"You would know, wouldn't you?" Isabela winked. Both at Hawke and Fenris.

He rolled his eyes at her and walked towards Hawke instead. Behind him, Isabela waved goodbye. Hawke nodded in acknowledgment and lifted a hand in reply. Isabela then disappeared behind the mansion door, venturing to where Hawke would assume to be the Blooming Rose, or the Hanged Man.

"I didn't know if you wanted to come over to my place, or whether I was supposed to come over to yours. I couldn't remember." He explained. "I brought this though."

He held up a black book that looked vaguely familiar to her.

Oh... the Book of Shartan. Hawke almost didn't recognize it. That was the book she had found a year ago when she had stayed at Fenris' place on that rainy day. She had found it hidden among the many books he had on his dusty bookshelf. Fenris himself didn't even know he had it – of course, he couldn't read so of course he wouldn't know it existed.

It was still dusty, and Hawke could see where Fenris had tried to wipe the aged dust off in an attempt to make it look more presentable to her. How cute.

"It's a good read for you." She told him, smiling. "You'll like it."

"From what I hear, it certainly sounds intriguing." He admitted.

"I'm sorry about being late. Isabela came over just as I was heading out and practically latched on to me, asking what happened last night."

"So I heard." Fenris smirked.

Her heart skipped a beat. What did he hear? He didn't hear the part where Hawke said she had fantasized about him last night, did he? That would be so embarrassing!

She coughed, motioning with her hand for him to follow. "Should we go to my library then? It would serve as a good setting. I can start the fire too, if you're cold." She told him.

He shook his head. "I'm fine, Hawke."

"I'm sorry, I'll be on time nex-"

"It's fine." Fenris cut her off, his tone telling her to calm down. "I would have preferred to learn here instead of my place anyways. There's not enough light, and you wouldn't have liked the dust and spiders anyways."

What he said was true, of course. Hawke had always found his mansion to be rather gloomy because Fenris never tried to maintain it. Then again, Fenris didn't have three servants under his roof to help him take care of it like she did.

They entered her library and to Hawke's surprise, the fire was already lit. Orana stood before it, stroking the flame with a metal rod to get it going further.

"Oh, mistress!" She greeted Hawke. "I thought you would come here with messere Fenris for the lesson, so I started the fire and..." Her voice trailed off and Hawke smiled.

"Honestly Orana, is there anything you _can't _do?' Hawke asked. "Thank you, Orana. I could have done it myself, you know."

"I know, but I had nothing else to do anyway." Orana explained.

"Why not buy yourself something nice on the market? Some jewelry or a new dress, perhaps? Have Bodahn accompany you, of course." Hawke suggested as she took a seat on the velvet sofa before the dancing flames. Fenris joined her.

She didn't want Orana walking by herself in Kirkwall because she was afraid the poor girl would get herself robbed again – Hawke was quite paranoid of someone taking advantage of Orana. In fact, as time wore on Hawke realized that she had started to look at Orana as a little sister, perhaps even a child of her own – though that last one might've been a stretch.

"I'll leave you alone, then." Orana was saying, bowing and disappearing behind the oak doors, which closed with a clicking noise.

The library was silent, with only Fenris and Hawke alone. Together.

"Shall we start?" She asked him merrily, turning to meet his eyes for the first time today.

"Hawke," He paused. "I'm not even sure _how _to start off."

He sat on the sofa, hunched over with his arms on his knees, flipping through the pages of his book. His face was scowling in frustration. He couldn't read a single thing.

"I was trying to look over some pages myself this morning, but I can only distinguish these symbols apart." He said, pointing at the letters. "I don't know what they are, or what they even do."

"Well..." Hawke leaned over, stopping his fingers from flipping hopelessly through the book. Instead, she stopped him at page one of the Book of Shartan, and then started pointing out the various characters and what they meant.

Oh _Maker. _

Even when explaining these things to him, Hawke tried hard not to stare at the incredibly sexy man just a few inches away. He was not wearing his long coat and white shirt from last night, of course. But the spiky armor he usually wore still looked good on him. He also smelled nice. Fenris must have just taken a shower: she noticed his hair was slightly damp.

As she explained the meaning of letters and the sounds they made, Fenris' eyes traced the form of her lips, trying to mimic the sounds she made and making a mental note of it each time he learned a new letter. Even if it was under the pretense of teaching him, Hawke was finding the entire beginning of this lesson incredibly... sensual. She couldn't stop staring at his lips!

"So then... the first word of this is... 'at'?" Fenris tried, sounding out the letters slowly. "... 'At ta-he'-"

She frowning, leaning over his shoulder to read what he was reading aloud.

"The." She corrected. "The 'th' together makes the 'th' noise in words, like the words: they, them, with, and so on."

She then proceed to explain the other combination letters and their different sounds. She even got up to grab a piece of parchment to write all the vowels and consonants out for him as she explained, trying to distract herself. To be honest, she wasn't quite sure if this was a good idea anymore. This elf was driving her a little nuts.

"'At the … be-jin-neng..."

"Beginning." She corrected. "The 'g' is different from the 'j' sometimes, remember?"

She then continued to walk him through the first sentence until he got through all of it with perfection. It was tedious at first, and she was almost sure that Fenris had gotten irritated at her more than a few times in the process, but they never quarreled over it, much to her relief. She hoped that she was a good teacher for him, and that he was enjoying his time with her as much as she was with him.

It was kind of adorable, actually. Even when he mispronounced words, she found it cute. Teaching him how to read had been nerve-racking at first, but Hawke found herself easing up hours later. Eventually they became quite casual around each other, and Hawke became less rigid and formal. To say that she had been nervous when they first started would've been an understatement.

Fenris was rereading the notes that she had wrote, and trying to mimic her handwriting. Seeing his fingers fumble over the small pen and ink was kind of funny, Hawke had to admit. Fenris had probably never held anything but his sword. Seeing him hold something so brittle and tiny in his coarse, overworked fingers seemed strange-funny even. Nevertheless, he had to try hard to keep the pen in his hands, and eventually managed to write all his letters out by mimicking what Hawke wrote. Whether he knew each letter he wrote, however, remained to be seen.

As she watched Fenris go through his hastily-written letters and explain what each one of them meant and sounded like, a cold breeze rushed in and blew a few of their papers off the coffee table slightly. Fenris quickly grabbed them off the floor, not seeming to mind the wind. He sat on the floor in front of her sofa, looking at the papers and book with his hand in his hair.

Hawke turned to see the window to her left open. Who opened the window? Was it Orana?

Fenris was still looking at the other books littered around them in the library, opening each slowly to squint at the letters, as though squinting would help him know how to read them. It certainly made him look funny. For one, Hawke knew Fenris didn't need glasses – in fact, his eyesight was far better than hers.

Smiling, she turned towards the window and started to rise from her seat, wanting to close the window to prevent the cold chill from creeping in again. However, as she rose her wrist was suddenly grabbed by something firm and exceptionally warm. She squeaked in surprise, being tugged back down to her warm seat and feeling a familiar warm breath on the back of her neck that sent chills up her spine.

_"Where do you think you're going?"_

Fenris breathed into her, his lips brushing over her hair and onto her neck.

She inhaled quickly, swallowing, and felt herself tense up almost immediately. Fenris had moved so quickly and so quietly that she hadn't even the time to react. Her knees felt wobbly and weak at his touch, and the book in her hand slipped, falling onto the floor with a soft thud.

Hawke turned to face Fenris, their noses touching as they gazed into each other's eyes. In the distance, she heard the cracking of the fire, and the whispers of the draft coming in from the window. Fenris' features were shadowed in the contrasting light from the fires, but she could still make out his brilliant olive eyes that once again captivated her in the darkness.

He leaned in closer, his lips parted.

Hawke held her breath, her mind going blank. She felt herself shrink back a little as he neared. Her back hit her crimson sofa, and she could go no further. His mouth was a mere centimeter away from hers, and she felt it almost obligatory to shut her eyes, waiting and anticipating the collision... that soft, wet feeling. She could almost smell the sweet wine on his breath, and imagined the taste of his kiss.

She couldn't control herself.

She parted her lips for him...

Only to feel nothing.

Instead of his lips on hers, she felt something brush past her arm. She instantly opened her eyes to find Fenris pulling his arm back, his white hair retreating from her. He had reached past her to grab the book that she had dropped next to the sofa.

Fenris smirked, leaning close once more as he whispered: "I need help with this one word, Hawke. Explain this to me first."

Fenris pulled away from her and returned his gaze to the pages in the book. Meanwhile, Hawke felt her burning cheeks and her heart pounding. She was well aware of the fact that she was blushing like crazy before him, and swore to herself that this elf would be the death of her! She felt very, very embarrassed. Maker, what a tease Fenris was!

* * *

After hours of going through the same things, Fenris seemed to get the hang of it, more or less. It turned out Bodahn was right about the learning capabilities of these Tevinter elves – Fenris was progressing faster than Hawke had anticipated. At the beginning of the day, he could barely distinguish a 'w' from two 'v's.

Now Fenris seemed to be reading somewhat smoothly. Granted he was rereading the four or five pages he had been practicing on all day, he was getting pretty good at it. Hawke couldn't help but feel proud of him, and herself. Still, she sat near him, helping him when necessary.

Hawke had never really read the Book of Shartan herself. All she knew was the general idea of who and what the main figurehead did. In all honesty, she was never really interested in any such religious or fantastic history rabble, but when she first chanced upon the book in Fenris' mansion, she immediately thought of him. She couldn't tell if the elf was enjoying the read or not, but at least he was reading it fine on his own for now.

Fenris' voice echoed the library room as he paced about, book in hand. He had grown tired of being hunched over before the flames to read. His back needed readjusting, so he had started to walk around the library instead, reading off lines of the thick book for Hawke.

She moved herself to the soft sofa for a more relaxing position, tilting her head back to rest and closing her eyes. Fenris' voice and the cracking of the fires were all she heard, and it soothed her mind. She instantly wished that she could always experience this every day. How nice it would be!

Fenris' voice. Oh, that deep and completely refined voice.

Despite being a Tevinter slave and elf, his voice was nothing like she had anticipated when Hawke first met him. The first words Fenris ever spoke to her made her blink twice. It was a shame Fenris tended to remain silent on their travels most of the time, unless he was making some snide remark about mages or whatever. With a voice like his, Hawke thought it was almost a crime for him to use it so sparingly.

That was why she was enjoying this so much.

Listening to him speak, even if it was just lines from a history book, made her smile. It reminded her of the first time she had met him, and how she had been immediately captivated by that rich, deep, hoarse baritone that was utterly _to die for_. In fact, just listening to him speak could make her feel unspeakable things. It was a good thing her eyes were closed and her head leaned back. She felt as if she could spend all day and night listening to him read the stupidest things and _still _feel attracted to him.

Hell, Fenris could be reading the commandments of the Chantry and she wouldn't mind.

She couldn't stop the smile from emerging on her face as she thought about it: Fenris whispering sweet nothings into her ears... nipping at her ears and talking dirty to her as he loomed over her in their messy bed, biting and kissing her neck... Fenris, in all his naked glory, glistening with sweat as he overtook her with his passion, making demands of her with that husky voice...

While enveloped in her steamy fantasies, Hawke didn't realize Fenris had been done reading until she was alerted to a sudden touch on the shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her seat on contact. Snapping her eyes open and turning, her eyes met with his.

"Shh," Fenris hushed in his soothing voice that sounded almost dangerously sexy.

It was like gravel... but in a good way. It was almost like a husky growl, dipped in chocolate syrup. Each note he spoke sang in her ears, and when he growled she felt her heart tremble – not from terror, but from excitement and dripping anticipation.

Hawke swallowed, hard. And then turned back around, uneasily.

"Lean your head back again." He instructed.

She obeyed.

"Relax." He told her.

She nodded and tried to do as he said, all the while feeling both his hands on each of her shoulders. Fenris' firm hands gently massaged the tense knots around her, and she could barely contain a soft moan from passing her lips as Fenris moved, his fingers fluid and strong.

His hands were firm, and though he wasn't touching her bare skin, she was very familiar with the texture of his rough, coarse hands. Nevertheless, he definitely knew what he was doing. She found herself oddly relaxed as the minutes ticked by, and she was very relaxed in no time.

Her eyes closed once more.

A little voice in the back of her head was whispering that this was wrong, and that she should not feel too relaxed. Was she going to allow herself to fall prey to this lovely, olive-eyed elf so quickly? Didn't she tell herself that she still needed time? Yet the deft hands of the handsome elf behind her rubbed her muscles like a professional masseuse, making her wonder just what kind of work Fenris would do for his master, aside from protecting Danarius from harm.

Regardless, she soon began to feel conflicted once more. A part of her felt guilty for letting herself enjoy this moment, while the other could care less and urged her to allow herself to become aroused by this ….touching. Nice foreplay, indeed. It wouldn't take long for her mind to wander.

She couldn't help herself.

She let out a soft, low moan, and heard him chuckle softly.

She didn't care if this embarrassed her.

"Say something to me, Fenris." She whispered into the air.

"Like what?"

"Anything."

"I would offer to read you something else, but I'm afraid I don't have the skills required." He said in an equally low voice. His fingers continued to dig down into her flesh, making circles and loosening the tension in her arms.

"You don't need to read from a book." She said, now completely relaxed under his hands. "I just like hearing you speak."

If she were actually self-aware, she would have kicked herself for saying that.

Thankfully, she was under Fenris hypnotic touch. She could say a wild plethora of strange and stupid things, and not care a single bit.

"I wasn't aware you enjoyed hearing me speak." He said, sounding surprised. "Perhaps I should speak up in battle then."

"Yes." She agreed. "I would like that a lot."

"Oh? And what is it about me talking that you like so much?" He asked, intrigued.

"Your voice..." She said quite openly. "I like your voice."

He chuckled again. "That's not a compliment I get often." His hands started moving slower and he leaned down, his lips pressed against her ear as he whispered in his raspy voice: "And what is it about my voice that captivates you so, I wonder?"

"It's just... so... sexy." She confessed.

She didn't care anymore.

This elf drove her crazy. To the void with being modest, Hawke decided. If having a voice like his should be a crime. Fenris ought to be in jail. The only reason he wasn't was because she would miss him too much if he were to leave her side again.

She felt him smile against her skin, and then slip away.

She opened her eyes upon noticing that he had stopped moving his hands, snapping back into reality in a cold flash. Her cheeks flushed again and she could feel herself tense up again.

She had spoken too much.  
But then she noticed the sadness in his face, and grew immediately concerned.

"Is everything alright?" She asked, alerted by sad smile. "I just... I didn't know you were so skilled in massaging. And when you started reading, I just wanted to relax and enjoy the time I was spending today with you. I don't mean to embarrass you or anyt-"

"It's not that, Hawke." Fenris said, shaking his head.

"Its not?" She asked, confused. "But you seem upset. Tell me what's wrong, Fenris."

"It's just that..." He looked at her with sad puppy eyes. "Slaves in Tevinter were not allowed to speak out of turn."

"You speak perfectly fine on your own now." She encouraged him. "Besides, you seem perfectly versed in dealing with people at parties. And you seem more than skilled at countering arguments on mages."

"I did not say I can't speak unless spoken to." He explained. "I've learned to change that habit of mine when I ran away. I was merely... taken aback by your words. I thought you were joking when you said you found my voice attractive."

"I was not." She said firmly.

"It just feels strange... to be complimented on something that I was denied the use of." Fenris said. He smiled at her. "Thank you for the compliment."

"My pleasure." She beamed. "And thank _you _for the lovely massage."

"You looked tired, so I thought you were in need of some loosening up."

"I definitely feel better," She admitted, twisting her arm for a test. "Thank you for that, Fenris. It felt incredible. You were very good at it."

"Protecting Danarius was not the only thing I was tasked in doing." Fenris said glumly.

Somehow, Hawke had a feeling she didn't want to know what Fenris had gone through in his years of servitude. The tone in Fenris' voice turned dark and tortured, and she was not about to go delving into his past again. Fenris didn't need to relive those memories. She was pretty sure he had enough nightmares as it was.

"Well, the next time you touch Danarius will be his last." She told him with such fervor and spite that it seemed to surprise Fenris. "I told Orana that neither of you will be harmed as long as we are together." Hawke explained.

"That is... reassuring of you." Fenris nodded, not knowing how else to respond.

She had a feeling that he didn't know how else to respond to that. She smiled to herself, looking at the cute, moody elf before her. Never had she been so glad to be with him and see him.

"Just promise me one thing, Fenris." She asked in a low whisper.

"Hmm?"

"Never massage anyone like that except me."

Fenris' gaze met hers at that point, and he flashed her a rather charming smile. She was looking up at him from her sofa, and he leaned in, perching his elbows on the rim. His hands stretched out to touch her soft, pale cheek.

"I promise."

She closed her eyes, raising her hands to cup his. She felt his rough fingers once more, savoring his touch until she felt his thumb on her chin, tilting her face upward. Her eyes opened slowly to gaze into the hypnotic, alluring olive color. He smelled of metal and herbs, a smell she had become reacquainted with a past few weeks.

He leaned forward, and kissed her.

She had seen it coming – seen the desire in his eyes – and allowed herself to press her lips against his. Fenris tasted sweet, and his hand now clutched the back of her neck. He parted his mouth slightly, his tongue brushing lightly over her wet lips, and she felt both their breaths become heavy. The only thing that could make it better was her parting her lips a little more, inviting his tongue to explore and tango with her own.

Unfortunately, neither wanted to delve too far. It was as if they were both thinking the same time: that it was too soon for this, and that if they wanted to respect each other, and themselves, then they would have to wait a little further before they could be wholly together again. Regardless, when they broke away from their passionate kiss, Hawke was still red in the face and could not turn to see Fenris' expression. Her heart was beating faster, and she was definitely no longer cold.

"Thank you for our lesson today." Fenris told her. "I found it useful."

"You have a strange way of expressing your thanks." She joked, touching her lips to savor the warmth. "I hope you don't go around kissing _everyone_ that helps you, Fenris. I imagine that would hurt my feelings a little bit."

"Only you, Hawke." He said with his charming smile that made her heart melt.

"Ahem. Well then, since today's lesson is over," She said, clearing her throat and standing up. "How about we reward our efforts with a well-deserved pint tonight?"

"Make that three." Fenris smirked. "For each of us."

"Are you paying then?" She teased.

"Hawke." He looked at her, "You live in a mansion with crystal chandeliers, silk sheets, and three paid servants. I live in a dusty, stolen manor crawling with spiders. But if you insist, I suppose I could let you pay for my drinks."

She opened her mouth to protest, but then thought about what he had just said, and laughed.

"Well played, elf. Trying to trick me, huh?" She asked him, her smile unfading. "Hanged Man tonight then?"

"Hanged Man." Fenris nodded, smirking. "See you in a few hours. And perhaps you and Isabela can indulge me over a few drinks on just what sort of fantasies swim around in your head. I'm particularly interested in the ones you had in your head last night."

He then walked to her front door, smiling to himself as he passed Hawke, who could only stare into space with her eyes widened and cheeks flushed to a tomato red.

* * *

**A/N:** FLUFF. FLUFF EVERYWHERE. O.O

Firstly, a big thanks to Progenitus, my first-ever beta reader! :) Sorry for the delay, but at least this chapter wasn't so short, right? It's about 10k in words. I normally have 8k or 7k (the last one was 2k only though).

Anyways, I'm planning on skipping a few weeks time soon, perhaps even a month, so that I can start on that much-await smut ;) I think I enjoy the idea of having Fenris read aloud some ... rather dangerously romantic books in the next few chapters.

Anyways, I'm open to ideas, so please pour in all your thoughts! Whether it's a threesome, a event, or some kind of funny things that ought to happen, please let me know! I like reading the various takes on the story so far. One thing is sure though - Anders will be returning in the next chapter. And I'm thinking about adding in a cameo of my DAO character as well... is that a good idea? She's a Cousland though, so I'm still not too sure about it. In my story, she became queen with Alistair.

Anyways, reviews are appreciated, even those of you who favorite my fic! If you have the time to click 'favorite story' and save', then you have enough time to review as well! It encourages me to write better, and to also write according to your interests. I love you all, and please let me know what you think!


	24. Anders Again

**Summary: **Fenris and Hawke had a one night stand that let Hawke wanting more. So she gets with Anders and the two of them develop a long-term relationship that last three years, until Hawke finds out Anders used her to gather ingredients to plant a bomb in the Chantry, intending to prove his point on mage liberation by committing genocide. She is furious with him, manages to thwart his plans and breaks up with him tearfully. Meanwhile, Fenris comes back to tell her that he never stopped caring for her. It has been a month since Hawke and Anders broke up, and Hawke is taking things very slowly with Fenris by teaching him how to read little by little. Still, she is heartbroken and Anders has since been kicked out of all group activities with Hawke and her friends. However, none of her companions know the exact reason why Hawke broke up with Anders, as Hawke promised Anders she wouldn't say a word to them about in exchange for him never trying to kill innocents again.

* * *

**Chapter 24: Anders Again**

* * *

When Fenris left, Hawke found herself having very little to do, save for waiting for the hours to pass by. It was until later that the crew would convene at the Hanged Man, and Hawke knew that everyone had personal affairs to deal with. For one, Varric had gone off to see Bartrand, and Isabela had a 'date' with Jethan at the Blooming Rose.

Orana came into her study late that evening to offer tea and snacks before her departure, to which Hawke greatly accepted, despite telling Orana that she and dwarves had the day off. Hawke had given up explaining things like this to Orana for the most part. Nevertheless, Orana seemed glad to know that Hawke would be dealing with Danarius for her, and seemed extra warm towards her mistress that evening. Unfortunately - little did Hawke know, the promise she made to Orana that morning could not be kept as well as she thought. But that would be a little down the line.

* * *

"The Queen of Ferelden?!"

"Yes."

"You're joking."

"Nope."

"Explain how you're even related!"

"She's my grandfather's brother's child's daughter." She explained with a deep breath.

"What?"

"Don't make me repeat it again." She groaned. "Alethea's my distant relative. And her mother was Revka Amell, _my_ mother's cousin."

"You're making this up."

"I'm not!" Hawke protested. "We haven't seen each other for a while now. Last I recall she was still in Ferelden! Then she got turned into the Templars and went to the Circle, so it's not as if I could see her whenever I wanted to!"

"So, wait - what you're saying is... you have a cousin-"

"Distant cousin." Hawke corrected. "But yes."

"You have a cousin... who is a mage... and also the Queen of Ferelden."

"That's right."

"... And you _didn't _tell this to us before, _why_?"

"I suppose the thought never occurred to me." Hawke shrugged. "I don't think about her often. We've been out of touch. But I guess being queen gives you certain advantages, and she was able to look my family up. Unfortunately, I had to be the bringer of bad news and tell her my mother and father are now gone, as are Bethany and Carver."

"I'm sure she's glad you're still here though."

"She is." Hawke nodded. "She'll be coming to visit in a week."

"Seriously?" Isabela wrinkled her brow. "You think she'll bring goodies with her? Like gifts?"

"Why? So you can take them away for yourself?" Hawke smirked.

"It's not as if you need them." Isabela muttered under her breath.

"I don't, but neither do you." Hawke pointed out.

"Whatever." Isabela sighed. "Will the king be with her?"

"I don't think so."

"Oh, that's a shame."

"Isabela, I don't want to know to what you were referring to."

"Don't you though? Ah, I remember back in his day, when Alistair came to the Pearl I was always there to offer my-"

"Isabela!"

"Oh, why must you be such a prude, Hawke?"

"I'm not." Hawke frowned. "I just want a _little less _detail about which parts of your body you offer other men! Honestly, isn't there anything you like talking about other than sex and drinking?"

"Hmmm... how about _big boats_?"

"Oh shush, Isabela." Hawke giggled, her face flushed.

From the other end of the table, Fenris stared at her delighted face, admiring her beauty and strength, thinking about all the fights they've been in together, and how he would watch Hawke as she handled her daggers with expert precision. He often wondered why he had never found someone to love as much as he did her in his years prior to Kirkwall. Elves were far too skinny for his taste, and reminded him too much of the awful women he had come across in their years of slavery. Perhaps that was the reason he liked Hawke - she had a curvaceous frame, fine swerves, long, thick hair, and a healthy figure to boot - nothing like the girls he had seen before. And to top it off, she was a firm leader of their party. Fenris himself knew that his temper and attitude did not make him fit to lead, not that he had any desire to lead, but he would have preferred Hawke over anyone else in their crew; especially over Anders and Merrill.

"So have you seen Anders lately?"

_Speak of the devil._

Hawke shook her head, although the smile on her face was wiped off almost instantly.

"Well, I went over to the clinic the other day on patrol, and his place is an utter mess." Aveline continued. "Now, I'm not telling you what to do, but it seems that he could use the company. Perhaps it's time we tell him that he's welcome to come join us? It feels strange sometimes without him around."

"Aveline, have a heart, won't you?" Isabela came to Hawke's defense. "They just broke up a month ago! Are you honestly going to ask Hawke to do something so stupid?"

"Stupid?" Aveline frowned. "Hawke has always been the leader of our group. But shunning someone from our group just because of personal issue seems wrong and uncalled for. Hawke- you agree, right?

Hawke opened her mouth but didn't say anything.

If Aveline and the others knew about what Anders had planned before their breakup, they would look at things far more differently. But Hawke didn't have the heart to tell them, and part of her wanted to believe that Anders had since turned a new leaf. From what Aveline had just told her, Anders may need some companionship. He sounded as though he was a wreck.

"And since when have you become the abomination's babysitter?" Fenris scowled. He did not want Anders near Hawke. He didn't like that idea one bit.

"I have a _job, _Fenris." Aveline frowned again. "Perhaps you would do well to remember that?"

"And perhaps _you _would to better to stay out of the personal affairs of others. Why are you trying so hard to play the matchmaker? I thought that was the pirate's job."

"What in Andraste's name are you talking about?" Aveline's frown was replaced with a look of utter confusion. "Who said I am trying to get them back together?"

"Aren't you?" Fenris growled again.

"Oh, calm yourself Fenris." Isabela chimed in. "Aveline wouldn't even know where to start if she were to get them back together."

"Thanks, for that." Aveline said dully as she stared at Isabela. Her husband chuckled a little beside her. "Besides, what do you care, Fenris?"

"Let's just say Hawke has moved on to... better things." Isabela smirked.

'Isabela!" Hawke decided to stop her companions from talking anymore of her personal affairs. "How about we talk about something else? Please?" She pleaded, her face blushing slightly.

"You can't go on avoiding the problem forever, Hawke." Aveline advised. "And he _is _part of the team. Be a little more professional, at least."

"I _am _professional." Hawke muttered, wishing she could go ahead and just tell everyone what had happened, but her sense of pride and secrecy disallowed her to do such. "Fine! I'll go talk to Anders tomorrow!"

"Thank you." Aveline nodded. "You know, you're supposed to be the next in line for the title of viscount. The city of Kirkwall needs you-"

"The city of Kirkwall is _fine _without me being the viscount. I've done a lot for the city without having a huge, obnoxious crown on my head, thank you." Hawke cut Aveline off, knowing what the guard captain was suggesting. "I just don't think I'm fit to rule."

"_That_, my wonderful Hawke, is _exactly _what makes you a wonderful candidate for the position." Varric said, smirking and raising a glass for a toast.

Aveline nodded, but then turned back to Hawke. "But back on the subject - are you _really _going to talk to Anders tomorrow? You won't forget? Will I have to drag you there myself?"

"No, Aveline." Hawke replied dully. She sighed, feeling a heavy weight on her heart once more.

How long had it been since she last saw Anders? A month?

Normally not much about a person could change in a mere month. But little things about Anders kept popping up in Hawke's mind. In a mere two weeks, Anders' facial hair would need to be shaved if he wanted to keep it at that certain length he liked it. In the month they had split up, Hawke hadn't seen him at all. Did he change that much since then? Were his face disheveled and his hair a mess? From what Aveline told her, Anders was not in the best of moods. While Hawke did not feel as remorseful about this as she did during the first few days of their breakup, even the Amell heir had to admit that Aveline had a point - shunning Anders was a bad idea. Hawke's personal affairs had to be kept under the table if she wanted to continue leading the group. After all, she was their leader before she was a woman.

She knew she _had to _go see Anders again.

_"Are you alright, Fenris?"_

Merrill's voice came to the elf from a distance, but he still heard it - unfortunately.

"Yes," He replied in a less irritated manner than usual. "I am fine. Perhaps a little too much to drink..." He lied.

"You're never going to out drink me with _that _attitude, broody." Varric grinned.

"Perhaps another time then," Fenris smiled as he stood up from his seat. He saw Hawke direct her attention to him in his peripheral vision, but didn't look her way directly. "I should get going - I'm tired today." He stood up, pushing his chair out of his way. But when his eyes caught Hawke's and she shot him a glance, he smiled back at her.

"You're leaving so soon?" She asked.

"Learning to read has been helpful." He told her. "But it hurts my eyes, and I think it might take some time getting used to. I had no idea it would be so taxing, to be honest."

"At least you're learning." Varric said. "A toast, To broody learning his letters!"

Fenris managed to hide his smile, a little.

"I will see you later." He told them, and turned towards the door, out of the Hanged Man.

Hawke turned back to the rest of them as Fenris disappeared around the corner, feeling a little sad that he had left so early. Perhaps talking about Anders in his presence had angered him a little. Should she have said something? Maybe she would go see Fenris tomorrow as well.

"Oh! Fenris' winnings!" Merrill grabbed the coins from the table. "Should we give them to him before he gets too far?"

Varric shrugged, shuffling the cards again. "We _could _just keep them. It's not as though he's worried about the coin - he earns enough of them."

"Here, give it here." Isabela reached across the table and Merrill dropped the pieces into her palm. "I'll give it to him."

"I thought you were going to pocket it yourself." Varric smiled.

Isabela smirked. "I thought about it. But this is pocket change, compared to what I've got. Besides, there's something I wanted to tell Fenris. I'll be right back."

Hawke shot her a confused glance, and Isabela just smiled back mischievously, disappearing around the corner as well.

"Not afraid she'll make a move on Fenris?" Varric grinned.

"I used to be." Hawke said quite truthfully, "but not anymore."

Varric shook his head as he dealt everyone still remaining in, muttering under his breath: "Women."

* * *

The air was cold and the night sky was quite murky. The clouds obscured most of the clouds and the wind carried a salty smell that could only be what Fenris feared most – fish, from the docks. He shuddered from both the cold and the idea of eating fish, and started pacing himself back to his manor quickly. His stomach gurgled in a most unsettling way and he tried hard to think of something else.

He knew that Varric would not have let it go if Fenris had told the dwarf that he actually wanted to hurry home to read more of the book he had there waiting for him. No, the dwarf would have made fun of the elf for weeks to come if he were to ever find out. That was why Fenris did not tell anyone his plans for the evening. Nevertheless, he wanted to prove to Hawke that he was somewhat intelligent - not just some temperamental elf who was more often than not found brooding in a dark corner. Fenris might have come from a lowly background, but he still had untapped potential - he could still learn. In fact, there was a deep, seeded desire within him - an inspired soul, in fact - that told him that he _had _to learn. It was just something he _had _to do.

Of course, Fenris knew that Hawke was never one to look down on him, regardless if he were literate or not. She had never made fun of him for it, or belittled him. She knew he was a Tevinter fugitive - a slave - and still accepted him. In fact, she was all for the freedom and liberation of his kind - perhaps even more so than Fenris himself. Often times, he would find that when his attitude towards the enslaved became pessimistic and sour, Hawke would still find it within herself to remain hopeful that the slaves would be able to change themselves and become free - and understand what it meant to be liberated. Fenris himself, having spent so much time with his kind, had lost all hope that elves would be free, or even considered equal to humans. He tried to be as hopeful and optimistic as Hawke, but could not find it within himself to think so positively.

Hawke was the only one he ever chanced upon that spoke up for elves so fervently. In replacement of his hopeless attitude toward slaves, Hawke had become the one carrying both their torches in the hopes of liberating his people. For that, he was more than glad. Perhaps that was why he had fallen for her...

_"I'm surprised. Hurrying back isn't exactly part of your personality."_

Fenris nearly jumped and fell down the steps towards Hightown.

Isabela walked towards him from behind, her hips swaying as usual.

"What is it?" He asked in a rather irritated manner. He wasn't too keen on being surprised like that, especially when he was deep in thought.

"You forgot your coins." Isabela tossed the pouch with gold pieces to him. He caught it, stared at the tan pouch, and then clipped it to his belt. "The dwarf almost took it."

"You came all the way out here just to give me these?" He raised his eyebrows, looking at her questionably and folding his arms. "I would have assumed you and Varric split them up amongst yourselves."

"Normally, people would say 'thank you' for such kindness, Fenris." She told him.

"_Normally_, people would not befriend a pirate thief as a companion." He retorted.

"Well, let's just called Hawke an 'eccentric' being, then." Isabela smiled. "Besides, I had something to tell you. It's important."

Fenris looked up from pocketing him coin, thinking Isabela was about to say something completely stupid and uninteresting in an attempt to flirt with him, as she usually did. He replied dully, "what is it?"

"It's about Hawke."

That got him full attention, of course. Fenris' eyes snapped up to stare at the Rivaini, awaiting the news she brought him.

"It's about Anders too."

Fenris' frown came as quick as lightning, "what about Anders and Hawke?" He growled, as if he was about to bite her head off for the mere mention of the mage. He knew Hawke was going to see the abomination tomorrow, and he would have offered to go with her, but thought against it as it might have put her in an awkward position.

"I think Hawke is hiding something from us." Isabela said. "There's no way she would ignore Anders for a mere break up. It _has _to be more than that. She's hiding something - I'm sure of it."

"And why does this concern me?" He asked irritably. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Try to find out?" Isabela asked hopefully.

"You want me to be your spy." He breathed slowly. "What the hell would I want to do that?"

"I didn't say 'spy'." Isabela snorted. "I was just giving you a heads up."

"Heads up for what?"

"Fenris, if you want a relationship to work, you've got to get everything out in the open. No secrets, just plain honesty - nice and easy."

"This comes from a woman who had her husband killed and became a pirate?" Fenris looked at her skeptically.

"Oh, shut up." Isabela smiled. "All I'm saying is that Hawke and Anders have something wedged between them that goes far beyond romance. Something _bad _happened between them - enough for her to want to completely break things off with him, not just her relationship with Anders, but also her friendship with him too. And by shunning him from the rest of us, she also hoped to break the friendship between Anders and the rest of us-"

Fenris snorted.

Isabela ignored him and kept going: "You know Hawke - she's the type who will keep things to herself and let it eat her inside out. She's not going to tell us the truth herself. She hasn't even mentioned it to Varric, who we all know she talks to regularly about... well, everything. I mean, the dwarf is basically her run-to ventilation for ranting. But she's barely said a single word to him about the details to her and Anders' breakup."

"Have you ever considered that it's because a relationship is different, and far more personal?" Fenris breathed, his voice dull and trying not to think over what the pirate was saying too much. Isabela had a point, but Fenris did not think it was wise for him to delve into Hawke's relationship with Anders. For one, it'll just serve to make the elf's blood boil into a full on rage. "Hawke may not want us to know every, single, detailed facet of her life."

"She did when she did it with you." Isabela smirked.

Fenris' mouth opened, but he was at a loss for words. Hawke had done what?

"You didn't know? She was quite enamored with you, Fenris." Isabela chuckled at his surprised face. "But _anyways,_ as I was saying - Anders must have done something so terrible that warranted her to break off his entire existence from her life, and ours. You know what I mean?"

"I do, but I must be missing the part where I'm involved in this scheme?" Fenris said still sounding irritated. It's more than obvious that Anders was a mage, and also Fenris' rival. One would have to be an idiot to be blind to the hostility between the two. "How exactly does Hawke and Anders' past relationship have anything to do with me? If you're trying to warn me not to make the same mistake, then you can be rest assured. To start off, I'm no abomination."

Isabela shook her head. "This isn't about you only, Fenris. If you'd only listen to what I'm saying." She told him impatiently. "It isn't about Anders as much as it is about _what he did_. If it involves the whole group, then we deserve to know. But you know Hawke. She's the type of person-"

"Who wouldn't tell anyone and just suffer it alone." He finished for the pirate, understanding the Rivaini's message all of a sudden. What if Anders had tried to do something dangerous? What if the cursed mage had tried to hurt her? Hawke, for one, would not tell anyone if something to that nature happened. Even though she had broken up with the mage, Fenris was no fool - he could see how hard it was for her to get over the abomination, and he knew she still cared for the mage to a certain degree. Although, exactly _how _Hawke could ever harbor feelings for such a fiend alluded Fenris, but the elf tried not to think about that.

Isabela nodded, staring at him hopefully. "So just in case it's something bad, maybe you could try finding out?"

"I can try." He agreed. "But I make no promises, pirate."

"If it's bad, tell us." Isabela told him. "Varric told me we should wait for Hawke to tell us herself, but I have a feeling she won't say a word until it's far too late."

'You're probably right." Fenris agreed. "I'll keep this in mind, then."

With that, Fenris turned to walk back to his mansion, his mind filled with even more thoughts than when he had first started his trek back home with for the evening.

"That's it? No 'thank you' or 'good night'?" Isabela teased her hands on her hips.

"Thank you and good night." He told her dully.

"Really, must you be _so enthusiastic _about everything?" She said sarcastically.

"Consider it a part of my charm." He replied.

"Oh, I do." Isabela purred and she reached up to grab his arm.

"What are you doing?' He frowned.

"Having a little fun," Isabela smirked.

And then, she had him pinned against the cold, stone wall.

Thankfully, there was no one around at this time of night. He felt her breast squish up against him chest, and her cleavage in clear view. Her breath smelled of ale and rum, as usual. He hadn't noticed before, but her cheeks were slightly rosy as well.

"Isabela!" He glared at her angrily, pushing against her. He didn't want to hurt her, but he had grown tired of her... advances. He was tired of her teasing; while Isabela was quite attractive physically, Fenris never found it within himself to find her enticing on any deeper level. To him, she was mischievous, sometimes cunning, and had a unique personality. Though he found it flattering that she found him attractive, it had not taken long for him to find her mannerisms and flirtatious behavior annoying. It didn't help that the idea stuck to him once he realized what a mistake he had made by sleeping with the pirate in the first place.

"How about it, elf boy?" She purred. "Just once more, for old times' sake?"

"Stop it." He warned her, frowning. "Your jokes are getting old."

"Whatever," She pouted, leaning back away from him. "Teasing here and there never hurt anyone. Stop being so serious, Fenris; I was just having a little fun." She told him.

"You know I have no interest in you in _that _way. I'm only interested in one woman, so I'd suggest you keep your distance." He said firmly.

"Now you're just making it challenging." Isabela smirked.

"I wouldn't recommend you try anything like that again." He told her as he started walking up the stairs again. "Or I won't be the only one peeved at you."

Isabela said nothing and just smirked, walking in the opposite direction back to the pub and her friends.

* * *

I remember it like yesterday.

That cold morning, being rudely awoken by my mother, crying and pulling me up from bed...

My father dared not look me in the eyes as mother pulled me to the coast... I had said sorry numerous times to him since that week I had set the barn on fire. Mother tried speaking up for me, but father would have none of it. It was as though he was afraid - of me.

I was only a child of twelve, and on that particular morning the first thing I saw was the looming, dark helmet of the Templar before me. I remember everything so vividly it was as though it happened yesterday... I remember everything, even down to the intricate designs on that Templar's armor... even the smell of my mother's hair as I clung on to her.

She held me, crying softly into my air.

Her last words to me: _Forgive me._

I had no idea what was happening.

My father didn't say a word to me. When I glanced at him, he turned away and never looked back. The Templars took me in their boat. I was too groggy to understand.

...Understand that I would never be seeing my family again.

And that my life had been changed forever.

From there on, I lived in the Circle, ready to be monitored and chastised by Templars at their every whim, just like every other mage. We were rounded up and taken to the Circle like cattle... never had I been so fearful. I was barely a teen when I first arrived in the Tower. I told myself that my parents would visit soon - but they never did. It didn't take long for me to realize I was alone.

I wanted to be positive during my stay there. I tried to. It was all I could do, after all. There was still enough for me to learn there - a whole school with children and people who were just like me. Slowly, I began to construct a new family for myself - a group of people to surround myself in order to fill that empty void within. At first, I was shy and felt lonely, but I began to make friends in the tower. Some I would even consider family to this day. While mingling with mages like myself, my powers became harnessed and unlocked slowly. I learned a great deal... I made friends and enemies alike. Heck, I even slept around for the hell of it.

But even that wasn't enough.

In the Circle, everything was just a game; for us, and the Templars. It was like hide and seek.

I had numerous flings, I slept around with women because it made me feel more alive - it gave me more emotion than anything else. Yet when the time came for me to settle down and get serious with a girl, I refused. Love was just a game, after all. In the Circle, being in love and having a loved one meant weakness - a weakness that the Templars could exploit. I never wanted to be hurt again, so I never let anyone too close to me. It wasn't until I escaped the Circle that I first gained an understanding of what it means to be free.

Yet still, I never learned what true liberation was...

_Until the day I meet her. _

* * *

In the beginning, I had no idea what to do.

She was just some girl, too slender to be a warrior, who insisted on taking my maps that lead to the Deep Roads. I could've cared less for her expedition. All I could think of at that time was freeing Karl... I knew I needed the help, so I bargained with her to help save him. She didn't seem the type, but still I hoped to the Maker Hawke wouldn't sell me out to the Templars. I would have never imagined how far she would have gone to help me in my meager task.

Just as I never would've imagined... the Templars made Karl Tranquil.

It broke my heart to see him like that. I lost my head and felt so vulnerable afterwards. I was forced to kill the best friend I had ever had, and then I proceeded to break down. I don't know what it was, but I felt compelled to tell Hawke everything. I felt compelled to tell her because she was a stranger, intent on being my acquaintance, and a part of me was sick of all this pain. I had hoped that once I told her about my powers and Justice, she would look upon me in disgust, and turn away from me. I thought: the further away others were from me, the better.

But that never happened.

What was it about her?

Something about her captivated me. Was it her eyes and the way they gleamed? Was it the way she spoke of mages in such a humane manner? She told me she didn't think all mages deserved being locked up. She told me that she believed... she had always believed that there would be a way for all mages to control their powers, if only they would not resort to blood magic or harm others... If only the rest of the world thought the same. She had such high ideals, and the way she spoke of them in such an invigorating and hopeful manner... It almost made me believe the same thing.

It was so strange being around someone who thought some of my actions were justified.

But she would often bring me food and invite me to hang out with her friends. When I was in a bad mood, she would try harder to distract me from it all. Day after day, I found myself looking forward to seeing her, looking forward to her company. She made me feel good, and took care of me as she would any member of her crew. But I desired more - I wanted to be irreplaceable to her. I started wishing that she needed me as much as I did her. I knew it was dangerous to get too close, and I knew I shouldn't have flirted with her, but I couldn't help it. She treated me like a normal person, and perhaps that is why I fell for her.

I told her from the beginning that I would hurt her.

I tried pushing her away. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Yet every time I reminded her that I was a beast, prone to break her heart sooner or later, all I could remember is the pained expression on her face, as though my words were like ice shards plunged into her flesh. I was just telling her the hard truth - it would have been harder if I hadn't warned her from the beginning. I only wanted her to know... because I cared. I truly loved her. I have never felt so strongly about anyone else...

When the taint wasn't disturbing my sleep as much, all I could see was her. Maybe it was the whole Fade thing, but Eden looked just like the day they first met, and she was so happy. In my dreams, I am with her. In my dreams, we look happy together again. In my dreams, we had a family together with little worry of Templars and magic. In my dreams, we were in love and would be together forever... even if it was only for a fraction of moment.

If only.

* * *

Hawke breathed slowly in and out.

Her chest was thumping and her face was heating up.

She stood outside Anders' clinic in Darktown, alone.

She would have preferred to be alone; of course, seeing how she didn't want to have any of her friends overhear something she wasn't ready for them to hear. Isabela seemed particularly insistent that she go with her to visit Anders, but she had made it clear that she wanted a private conversation with Anders alone, so the pirate backed off. Just as a precaution though, Hawke made sure she was not followed as she came to Darktown. She had an uneasy feeling that Isabela suspected something - the pirate was quite perceptive, after all.

So here Hawke stood, her legs trembling slightly, before Anders' clinic.

She walked one step closer to the open doorway.

Immediately, the smell of herbs and flowers cleansed her senses as she looked around.

There he was.

His back was turned, just as it was the first day she saw him.

Memories flooded her mind, and a part of her wished that time would rewind. A part of her wanted to be with Anders and live in that happy dream that had ended a month ago. She wanted to be in that relationship she had always dreamed about - the relationship with a future she thought she had with Anders.

But it was not meant to be. Hawke was not one for the Chantry, but if there could have been anything she had ever prayed and wished to get, it was the wish that Anders would find peace and happiness, and that he would no longer be haunted. If she could find a way to rid him of Justice… everything would be fine. Everything would be normal.

Hawke stepped through the door and immediately smiled in a bittersweet manner.

There were little bowls of milk near the doorway, just as there always had been ever since she met Anders. Although he did not seem to have many patients today, Hawke understood the mage's personality was that of a workaholic's. In order to keep himself busy, there was not much he wouldn't do. That was why Anders loved the cats in Darktown and busied himself taking care of them.

Anders stood before her, his back to her still, and an elderly woman next to him, giving him payment in an envelope. Anders nodded and the elderly lady smiled at him. Her eyes caught Hawke's and opened in surprise. She then nudged Anders, who turned to gaze at Hawke.

Her heart froze. She didn't know what to say: Somehow, saying 'Hello' or 'how are you' didn't seem like the appropriate greeting to make.

Aveline was right though; Anders looked pretty bad.

His face was unshaven and his hair was unkempt. He looked weak and his cheeks were gaunt and sunken. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked as though he had not slept in a while. He was not wearing his usual feathery mantelpiece, and only had on his sleeveless shirt. Despite having a miserable time, his arms were still well-toned and were as muscular as she had last remembered. But this only served to make her sadder.

Still, Anders' eyes opened wider as he saw Hawke appear on his doorstep. He stared at her as if she were an angelic Goddess the Maker had sent for him (or a ghost that haunted him). The elderly lady next to Anders scurried off, as if knowing the two had important matters to discuss. Anders and Hawke were then left alone.

"Hawke..." His voice was dry and weak as he took a step closer to her. "I didn't know you were coming today... what - uh, what brings you here?"

"Nothing," she replied at first, but then shook her head and retried: "I mean - Look Anders, we need to talk."

"About what?" He laughed uneasily and tried to be calm and casual, but it didn't work. All that came out of his voice was a nervous, uneven tone that only started to suggest how much of a wreck he was.

"About us," She said, egging herself on in her head. She tried to remain level-headed and calm, for the sake of this conversation. "About us and about everything else."

"What more is there to say?" There was bitterness in his voice. "You have my promise, and I've been doing fine, haven't I? You can tell Aveline to stop keeping tabs on me now."

"What? I haven't told Aveline to keep any tabs on you." Hawke frowned. "If you're talking about how she keeps coming here to talk, it's because she's often on patrol here and-"

"Don't lie to me!"

"Anders, calm down." Hawke held up her hands towards him in warning; she was afraid Justice might come out. This would have been the perfect time for it, after all. "Trust me. No one knows about... you know."

Anders' frown softened at her words. "You mean, you didn't...?"

"I didn't tell anyone about... your situation." Hawke said nervously. "I promised you, didn't I?" She muttered this last part in frustration, but Anders did not catch that tone.

"You expect me to believe that?' Anders retorted. "You expect me to believe that you didn't tell her, or everyone else, about anything? She comes here at least once a week!"

"It's because she's _worried _about you." Hawke explained. "Everyone is."

Anders paused, gazing at Hawke as if he were trying to detect whether she was telling the truth; he then looked at her in a rather serious manner and said in a hopeful voice: "You too?"

Hawke looked away from him almost immediately. She didn't know what to say, and remained silent. How was she to respond? Was telling the truth to Anders a good decision? Yes. She _did _miss him. But that was not what she came here for. She did not forget what he had done to her, and she didn't plan on forgiving him.

"Be honest." Anders leaned closer to her, his hand rising to touch her lightly on the arm. "Hawke, please..."

"Anders, stop." Hawke pulled away. "I know what you're going to suggest… but ... we can't. Not anymore." Her speech was broken into segments and she realized that she probably sounded like a blabbering idiot again, and immediately proceeded to beat herself up for it mentally.

"We were together for _three years_, Hawke." He reminded her.

Did he think she didn't know that?

She closed her eyes shut, trying to think clearly. He was clouding her judgment; just being near him was intoxicating. She didn't know what to say or think. Her feelings were a mess and she was at odds with herself again. Part of her wanted to take him back and forgive him, but the better part of her was trying to persuade her otherwise.

"Three years, Hawke." Anders told her. "Don't tell me it meant nothing! I... I've missed you. So damn much." He pulled her close, embracing her tightly.

"Anders..."

"Don't do this to me... I can't bear the punishment any longer." His broken voice sang to her weakly. "I can't ... I can't go on without you."

Hawke wanted to give in.

Anders had a point.

Was she really going to pour three years down the drain like this?

She was not the only on suffering. Anders looked like shit, and it had only been a month.

Hawke furrowed her head deep into his shoulder, feeling her eyes swell up and water as she smelled his essence on his clothing. Still, her arms lay limp at her sides and she did not hug him back. She didn't know what to do. Maker, she knew this had been a bad idea...

"Please..." Anders begged her softly, his voice still trembling as she felt his throat throb and his tone crack. "Tell me you feel the same, Hawke. Please."

"Anders..."

"Look at me, Hawke." Anders pulled away from her, his hands on her shoulders as he gazed deep into her eyes. "I'm a mess. I'm a wreck. I can't go on a day without thinking of you... of us. I want to be with you... I want to be together..."

"Anders, we can't." She struggled to get the words out of her mouth. "I... I can't do this. I made a promise to myself."

"What promise?" Anders asked. "Did you promise yourself to make me miserable? Is that it?"

"Don't talk to me like that!" She snapped back. "I _never_ wanted you hurt you, Anders. Never; But you forced me to anyway! You gave me no choice!"

"I _promised _that I'd never do this again, haven't I?" He said. "Don't you believe me?"

"I want to, Anders." She told him, her eyes looking at him tearfully. "I really do. I want to be friends again, more than you know."

Anders looked as though she had slapped him.

"Just friends?" He asked weakly.

"Don't push you luck, Anders." She said, her voice trembling less now. "I don't want trouble, and I don't want to delve into anything I can't handle."

"Whatever happened to us being together forever?" He begged, her eyes basically pleading at her. It tore her heart to pieces to see him like this...

"You should have thought of that _before _you planned on blowing up the Chantry and dooming us all to the Void." She replied harshly. "I was lucky to have stopped you, and make you promise that you'd never attempt it again. But trusting you is another thing. I don't even know if I can hold you to that promise."

"Is that what you think of me now?" Anders asked, his voice regaining its normal tone as he stared at her darkly. His expression seemed different now, as if Hawke had just broken up with him a second time. "Do you think me so low that I would not keep my promise to you?"

"I want to trust you, Anders. I really do." She told him. "But I can't bring myself to let my guard down like that again. Not after what you did to me. Not after you used me like that."

"You talk as if you think I never loved you." Anders said. "It hurts to hear that, Hawke. Please, tell me you don't mean it like that."

"I don't know _what _to think of you, Anders, or your feelings. With you, I never know if anything is real. I thought I knew, but as it turned out, I didn't. With you, there's no knowing if anything is ever what I think it is." She said bitterly.

"What do you mean, 'with me'?" He frowned. "You mean to tell me; in the span of one month you've found someone else to replace me already?"

"Don't talk to me as if I were some cheap bimbo or floozy!" She snapped at him, angry that he would even suggest something like that. "I am trying hard to get over you! You are not the only one suffering! Do not pretend to know how I feel!"

"So it is true then." He breathed. "You have moved on."

"Have you not heard a single thing I just said? I'm _trying to _get over you. It's not easy, Anders. Believe it or not, I loved you."

"But not anymore?"

"Do not try to twist my words, Anders." She warned him. "I'm not here for games. I'm here to ask you to rejoin us at your own leisure. But do not expect anything too happened between us again. I'm through with you, and I don't want you thinking me an easy target again. I'm not here for you to use in your... experiments."

"You are talking to me as if I am a monster." He told her. "Do you see me as such now?"

"I never saw you as a monster, Anders." She said irritably. "I never saw you as a monster. Not even when you used me. I never saw you as a monster _until _you decided to try committing genocide."

"It was for the mages!"

"For Maker's sake, Anders, I'm tired of having this argument!" She yelled. "You know perfectly well where I stand on this issue! Stop bringing me back into it!"

"I am _not _a monster." Anders said firmly. "How could you call me a beast when you hang around with Fenris? He's just as much a cynical and foul creature!"

"Why are you bringing up Fenris? He has nothing to do with this!"

"I am not a fool, Hawke. I knew you harbored feelings for that elf for ages, but I never said anything about it. I wanted to believe you loved me -"

"I did!"

"It seems I was wrong. Maybe the one who did the 'using' wasn't me. Maybe it was y-"

_SMACK._

Her palm hit him squarely on the cheek and the loud smacking noise could be heard echoing through his entire clinic. Anders stumbled from the impact, and Hawke could feel her hand burning seconds after. It hurt like shit, but she ignored it. Her nostrils flared up, her fists curled until her hands turned white, and her eyes glared intensely at Anders with such fury that she looked as though she was about to combust.

"_Do not ever even mention to me that I might have used you, Anders._" She snarled. "I have done _nothing _but help you. I _let you use me _for the sake of helping you because I _thought _you wanted to change. I have _never _been unfaithful or untrusting towards you. _Never, ever, ever _tell me otherwise or I _will_ sever any and all connections with you. That, I can promise you."

He looked at her in surprise, his cheek slightly red. Hawke was not that strong; she was no fighter, but she still packed a punch for such a diminutive woman.

"I will not apologize for attempting to do what I did." He told her. "I will never."

She stared at him, appalled, and looked as though he had just slapped her back. She then swallowed, looked down on the floor, then looked back at him, frowning.

"Whatever you want to do, it's your decision. Don't expect me not to stop you if it endangers the rest of us. You want to make an enemy out of me? Fine."

"That is the last thing I want to do, Hawke." He grabbed her by the arm.

"Don't touch me!" Hawke snapped it away. "I thought earlier this week that I was missing you, and that I should maybe try to patch things up. But this - this meeting - it just serves to prove to me that the voice in my head was right all along - you're dangerous, Anders. You never loved me; you used me for you own plots. You wanted to sacrifice what we had for the sake of your radical ideals. But you went about it the wrong way, and you will _never _even understand that. No matter what I say, you won't be able to see that what you're doing is wrong."

"That is your opinion!" He argued back. "How can you end everything just because my opinion differs from yours? I c-"

"Your _opinion_?" She gritted her teeth in frustration. "You think it's _your opinion _that broke us up? Don't you think the fact that you tried _killing other people _had at least _a little _to do with that fact?"

"If I had explained my plans to you, you would have never understood." He told her. "And you _still _don't."

"You're right." She said sarcastically. "Normally, I would not_ condone _others to kill innocents in order to get what they thought was liberation for mages, but hey - since I slept with you and all, let's just go with it and let you do something stupid! That's a _great_ idea!"

"Don't mock me, Hawke." He warned her.

"What do you expect me to do, Anders?" She cried. "Welcome you with open arms? Tell you 'it's okay you wanted to kill a bunch of people to get what you want'? Well, I'm _so sorry_ to have disappointed you. Will you not _even try _to rid yourself of that monster within? You've given up on yourself and let Justice take the reins! The Anders I knew would have _never _let that happen!"

"The Anders you knew was never there in the first place!" He retorted.

"Yes he was, and I loved him!" She said, stamping her foot on the ground, on the verge of tears. "I can't believe you let him take control of you - I can't believe you used me in order to help him! You _chose Justice _over me, Anders. You didn't even try!"

"You have _no idea _what it's like to have him inside you!" Anders glared at her angrily. "Sooner or later, this was bound to happen. I warned you, but I couldn't control myself. If I died tomorrow, I would be happy knowing that you were by my side. But this is not how I thought it would be!"

"I was willing to help you, Anders. I _always was. _You just never gave me the chance." She said solemnly. "And now your judgment has been clouded by him. You've let him control you."

"I can't help it…" He said weakly. "I couldn't… It was too late."

"No, it wasn't." She shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks. "You were just unwilling to let me in - You were unwilling to let me help you."

"No one can help me."

"You don't know that."

"You do." She pleaded. "The Anders I know would have trusted me and helped me. He would have let me in. He would have let me help him and he would have _never _followed through this ridiculous ploy. The Anders I knew was logical, reasonable, and wouldn't have thought it was a good idea at all."

"That is what you think." Anders said bitterly.

"It's not what I think." She said with conviction, wiping away her tears. "It's what I _know_."

"You are too naïve and idealistic to see it, Hawke. That was the only way."

"Then I'm sorry to say that you've lost this battle, mage." She said bitterly.

"Compared to losing the war, losing one battle is nothing."

"There is _no _war to be had, Anders! What do I have to say to get this through to you?!"

"You used to be supportive of mages! What happened to all that? Has that elf wrapped you so tightly around his finger that you would now convert o his ideas?!"

"Fenris has nothing to do with this! Stop bringing him up!" She shouted. "I _do _support the mages. For Maker's sake, my own sister was one! I know _very_ _well_ how terrible the Circle can be! But genocide is no answer for this! It will only make people hate mages more! _Think_ about what you're trying to prove! You want everyone to like the mages?! Then do something about it that _doesn't _involve more bloodshed!"

"You think I haven't thought of that?" Anders replied quicker than she anticipated. "I have! I used to be like you! I used to write those long manifestos and try to make things better for us! But all it did was create confusion, anger, and more mages being locked up! I ran like a coward every time the Templars caught one of us! I hid while others were taken to the Gallows! I can't stand this... this cowardice. I've had enough of it."

Hawke paused, watching Anders turn away from her and take a seat on the clinical bed his patients laid down on.

"I can help." She said in a softer tone. "If only you'd let me."

"You want to help me? Then be with me once more, Hawke. I'm begging you." Anders looked at her with the saddest eyes had had ever seen. "I know I'm losing more and more of myself every day to him… and I don't know how much longer I have… but I can make you see that what I've done will be great! It will bring about a new era for mages! It will not be for nothing! Just let me be happy before I let go…"

"You're wrong." Hawke shook her head. "That is not the answer."

"Even if you can't understand, shouldn't our love be stronger than this? Should we have to split up just because of our differences in political views?"

"You know far better than to say that to me, Anders." Hawke felt her blood boiling again. "You know that a 'difference in political views' is _not _the reason why we broke up. You betrayed my trust, Anders. You _used me_."

"But that doesn't change my love for you!" Anders told her. "Our love was strong! What happened to it? I refuse to believe you threw it all away-"

"No, _I _didn't throw it all away. _You _did." She told him, frowning. "You threw everything away - even me - when you lied and tried to commit murder."

"You kill people all the time! What makes me killing them so different?!"

"I kill bandits, thieves, and wolves! _You _tried to kill _innocent people_!" She roared.

"I will _not _let you do this to me." Anders glared at her angrily.

His eyes glowed a blue hue and he flung himself from the patient's bed towards her. Hawke's heart thumped loudly and she barely had any time to react before Anders made his way back to her, grabbed her by the wrist and flung her against the wall so hard that her head hurt from the impact. She barely had second to gather her thoughts before talking.

She was beyond scared.

It didn't take an expert to know that Anders was far stronger than her, especially Justice-inhabited Anders.

"Anders..." She breathed hard, her heart thumping and her brain frantic. She could feel the blood from her hands drain from his tight clutches. "Let me go, right now!" She tried to maintain that diplomatic, stern voice.

_"I am not Anders."_

"What do you want, Justice?" She asked angrily. "Don't make me do anything we'll both regret."

_"You will not get in my way again."_

"Get in _your _way?" She scoffed. "Leave Anders alone; go infest your own rotten body. Anders has been haunted enough by you."

_"Ander shares me same beliefs, meddlesome girl."_

"Anders most certainly does _not_." She snarled. "_You _turned him into this! You did this, and you're going to pay! I'll make sure of it."

And for the first time, she heard what she assumed to be a laugh from the deranged spirit. It sent chills down her spine and she didn't know whether or not she should be afraid. She tried to remain strong regardless.

_"You are not in the position to threaten me." _He told her in his raspy voice. _"I have you right where I want you, girl. It would be so easy for me to crush you… right here and now."_

With that, the spirit, holding her wrists with his glowing hands, slid her arms across the brick wall, causing her to cringe from the abrasion, and held her arms high above her head with one hand. His other hand grabbed her by the neck. She trembled from how cold he was, and felt his grip tighten.

"Anders would _never _let this happen." She said fiercely, trying to maintain her voice.

_"Anders is gone."_

"Not yet." She told him, coughing as his grip tightened. "I _will _find a way to extinguish you from him. Mark my words, Justice."

_"I'm afraid you won't be able to live up to your words then." _Justice responded coldly as he started choking her harder. She tried to kick, but his legs were placed between her legs and she could not kick him anywhere hard enough to 'wake' Anders up.

_"Did you think I could hold back on killing you after what you've done to foil my plans?"_ Justice's voice boomed throughout the clinic at her. She felt her surroundings start to fade, and tried harder to kick and thrash. _"Anders and I have agreed on our own terms. Stop trying to distract him and dissuade him. You do not understand our cause."_

"Anders… please…" Hawke's voice came out as a low croak. "Please… don't do this. I know you're still in there."

_"He can't hear you, girl. He is too weak."_

"You're wrong." Hawke whispered in a raspy voice. "Anders, please… if you still love me. Stop him. Anders… please…. I believe in you."

_"You silly girl, he will nev - ugh!"_

The blue flashed of light from Ander's eyes flickered. Hawke instantly felt his grip on her throat loosen. Anders' head drooped down for a moment and rest on her bosom, his breathed regaining normality and his flesh regaining its color and warmth. Never had Hawke been so relieved, and hopeful. She knew that Anders was not completely gone, and she had hope that she could still find a way to help him rid himself of the spirit.

"See? I told you I could do it."

"Hawke…" He breathed into her skin, and she tried to grab on to his shoulder in comfort, only to realize that his hand had not loosen around her wrists. His other hand slid away from her thin neck and rests against the wall as Anders tried to regain his own mind. "Hawke, I'm so sorry. I didn't… I didn't mean for that…"

"I know." She told him. "I know you didn't mean that to happen."

He laughed a little. "At least I now know that you still understand me a little."

"I've always understood you." She told him. "At least, until recently I've always understood."

"I can _still_ make you understand, Hawke." He looked up to gaze into her eyes. "I can still make you understand that what I'm doing will help in the long run -"

"Stop Anders," she cut him off. "I've had enough of this conversation. It's going nowhere. I just came to see how you were and tell you that you should come back to us, to avoid making thing anymore awkward. That's all."

"You think things are awkward between us?" He sounded hurt.

"Aren't they?"

"They won't be if you don't think like that." He suggested.

"I can't." She told him. "The only thing I can promise you is that I will try my utmost, whether you like it or not, to try to exterminate that spirit from you. I want you to be yourself. I want you to understand everything that is going on. I _will _make you Anders again."

"You can't do that."

"You may have given up, but I won't. For both our sakes; just wait and see." She told him with fire in her eyes. "Now let me go." She struggled against him.

"I can't." He told her, and she looked at him in surprise. "Not until you take me back."

"That's not going to happen." Hawke said, trying to retain her heart rate; saying that she felt scared would have been an understatement.

"I won't let you go until you promise me."

"Please... don't make me hurt you, Anders."

"Then don't do this to me... please." He looked at her with eyes of a child. "I will make you see, I promise. Just let me-"

"No."

"Hawke..."

"Let go of me."

"I won't!"

His voice reverberated around her so much it made her jump a little. He pushed himself against her on the wall, their bodies smashing together, and started to kiss her neck and earlobes. She could feel him smelling her essence. His hand didn't loosen around her wrist, and in fact tightened when she started fumbling out of his grasp. His other hand cupped her face lovingly, just as he used to when…

"Maker, don't resist me anymore." Anders mumbled into her ears. "Fuck the consequences. Please… I know you want to be with me, Hawke. Just let go and lose yourself with me…"

"No, Anders." She breathed, turning away from him. "This is not right. I don't want this... we're not going down this road. Please, don't make me…"

"Everything's already gone to shit anyways. I never wanted to give up. You had given me so much hope, but... it's too late. Now the least I can do is make you understand... what you mean to me, and how good you make me feel. Once upon a time, you loved me too. Don't you remember that? I'll do anything in my power to make sure you'll never forget me. Please..."

"Anders, don't do this." Hawke begged him. "If you really love me, then you wouldn't…"

Had the spirit been so strong that it had turned Anders into such a monster? Into such a deranged man that he would try forcing himself upon her? This was not like Anders at all. This was not right. She had always known him to be level-headed and reasonable… but this was going too far.

"The old Anders I knew would have been disgusted if he could see what he was doing right now." She whispered in a weak, low voice. "He would have been ashamed."

And then Anders stopped his kisses.

His hands loosened and he stepped back.

He gazed at her red, swollen face, pushing back the tears of fright that she had been fighting so hard to control the entire time. He was the terror and sadness in her eyes. He saw the red marks he had left on her wrists, and then stepped back from Hawke altogether.

His face looked horrified.

As Hawke rubbed her wrists and sniffed, she turned to see how appalled Anders was with himself. He was at a loss for words, and it was written all over his face. He knew Hawke had a point - he had made a turn for the worse. His actions only furthered Hawke's argument.

Ander felt weak. What had he done? What was he thinking?

He fell onto his knees; his head drooped down as he gazed at his own shadow on the floor.

He wanted to hurt Justice. He wished he could. He wished he could grab Justice by the throat and hurt him as much as he did Hawke just now. But he knew that was not possible. He couldn't. And what was worse? Anders knew it was partially his fault.

"I'm going to go." Hawke brushed past him in a hurried manner.

His heart sank as her footsteps faded from him. What could he say to persuade her that he wasn't a monster? Apologizing could not have atoned for what he had just done. Maker, he had just tried to force himself on the woman he loved! Hawke was right; he had changed. Back in the day, he would have known better than to make stupid move like that. Back in the day, he would not have been so… solemn and passive…. so hopeless.

He heard her steps stop abruptly, and he could still hear her breathing lightly. He dared not turn around. Looking at her would break his heart, seeing the marks he had made and knowing that he had gone to such violent lengths to keep her. She was right - it disgusted him.

"The team would still like it if you rejoined us." She told him. "I … I think it will do you some good."

Anders said nothing. What good could possibly come out of that? He had already hurt Hawke. What was stopping him from hurting others? He was so helplessly drowning in his own fears and pain that he didn't think anything could save him now.

"I… I meant what I said." Her voice came to him like a warm light. "I'll find a way, even if you think it's hopeless."

How was it that she always managed to remain so hopeful, even when he had just about given up? How did she do that?

"And what then?" He asked softly. "What happens when Justice is gone and I'm finally free? What happens then? … What will it mean for us?" He trembled, not wanting to know the answer yet wanting to know at the same time.

"I don't know." She replied. "I suppose… it means we'll still be friends. That's all we can hope for right now." She said in a hushed tone.

"… I see."

Hawke stood there for a few seconds, staring at the back of a man that had lost his way. Her tears were gone, but she still felt that salty residue on her face that showed her misery. She had tried to sound hopeful, but she didn't know what else to say. Half of her was still in shock.

"I'll see you later then." She told him.

'Yeah…" He replied in a barely audible whisper.

She had one last look at him, and opened the door to his clinic and slipped out.

Meanwhile, Anders looked sadly at the ground at his knees for a few seconds. His heart was pumping slowly, his head hurt, and he felt himself trembling. Slowly, he got up and waited by the crack of his door for Hawke's footsteps to go down the planks of stairs, and then fade completely from earshot. When they did, he closed the doors to his clinic and flipped the 'open' sign over.

He rested his back against the door of his facility, letting out a deep breath in his privacy.

Finally, a single tear dropped onto the dirt at his feet.

* * *

Hawke left Darktown, her thoughts muddled and a mess; she tried to smudge the teary residue from her cheeks as she walked with her lonesome self. She knew she had made plans to hang out with others and get other things done, but she was no longer in the mood for anything spectacular for the rest of the day; especially not after what just happened.

Unfortunately, neither was Fenris, who had been tailing her through her entire trek to Darktown.

He stood in the shadows next to Anders' Clinic, his face twisted in a mixture of fury, confusion, and pain.

* * *

**A/N:** Holy crap! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE I LAST UPDATED THIS THING?! HAPPY NEW YEARS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS FOR MAKER'S SAKE!

I am so so so sorry for the long wait for the update. The writing muse has left me, sadly enough, and I lost motivation to write this. But the other day, I received a notification that I had gotten a review for this story (and it had been a while since I had gotten one since I posted the last chap so long ago), but for some reason it really got me started on writing this next chapter.

So thank you JenniferHawke, and everyone else, for your reviews! It really got me back into writing this thing! Sometimes, all you need is a little spark from your readers. And, of course, listening to some of Gideon's sexy voice acting as Balthier/Fenris on Youtube. XD

Another thank you goes to both Greenleaf1075 and Progenitus, my beta readers! Hopefully, this means my chapters will have far less spelling errors, etc. from now on! (How's that for being serious? TWO beta readers! Whaaaaat!) Anyways, thank you both very, very much!

Now, about writing this last part... at first, I wanted to ask you guys if I should have either Isabela or Fenris eavesdropping at the end, but as the chapter neared a close, I thought it would be better for the plot if I added Fenris to the confusion anyway.

What did you think of the chapter? Did you sympathize with Anders? What do you think of his personality? Please let me know! I know I told you guy I knew where this story was going, but I still need the motivation to keep this going. lol

Cheers! -ADL


	25. The Weight of My Words

**Summary:** Hawke rebounded to Anders years ago in attempt to get back at Fenris. But she later starts to have a serious relationship with the mage. Unfortunately, years later she finds that Anders used her to get into the chantry and build a bomb for his plans of mage liberation. She thwarts his plans and breaks up with him. Weeks after their breakup, Hawke is ushered by Aveline to go see Anders because she had banned him from joining the rest of her friends like normal. Hawke agrees to invite Anders back and make amends with him for the sake of her friends. However, when she goes to the clinic Anders tries to get back together with her, accidentally unleashes Justice, and almost rapes her. Hawke tells Anders she will try her hardest to procure a cure for Anders, but is not sure if things will ever go back to the way they were. She leaves, slightly shaken by what just happened. Meanwhile, unknown to both her and Anders, Fenris had been outside the clinic and witnessed the whole ordeal.

* * *

**Chapter 25: The Weight of my Words**

* * *

It went without saying that the first thing Fenris thought to do - after seeing Hawke leave Anders' clinic with her face ashen and pale as a ghost - was to walk into the clinic right there and then… and smash Anders' face into the cold, brick wall was hard as he could.

He would smash Anders' skull into the wall numerous times until it cracked open.

He would cut Anders limb from limb and watch the pitiful mage crawl like a dog before him.

He would even rip out his tongue and make it impossible for Anders to ever recite his poisonous spells, or even worse - his never-ending tirade of sermons on mage liberation. All it had ever been was a pile of useless bullshit anyway.

Fenris had waited long enough for this moment, and he couldn't give a nug's ass if he would get in trouble for it. Maker help him, if he could just go in there and…

He was out for blood. No, even more than that.

He not only wanted to kill the abomination, but he also wanted to make him suffer. He wanted Anders to suffer more so than Hawke did when her mother died. More so than that time Hawke was injured by the Arishok. More so than Fenris did when he thought Hawke was dying from the aftermath of that fight. More so than Fenris did when he received his markings, and more than Hawke was suffering at the current moment.

He wanted to make Anders bleed out and feed him to a hungry pack of mabari hounds.

Oh, how he yearned to grab Anders by the neck, throw the abomination into the ground, punch his face with his spiky gauntlets until it was a bloody mess, and then proceed to kill Anders by impaling the mage through the heart with his own staff!

It would all be _so easy_ for Fenris.

He was sure he could take on Anders alone if needed. Maker, he thought at some point during his eavesdropping that he would _have to_. He even had his fingers curled around the handle of his broadsword, about to kick down the door, burst into the clinic, and pierce Anders right in the stomach…. but Hawke had managed to save herself from Anders' fierce advances, much to Fenris' relief (and dismay, now that he thought about it).

Of course after she had left, Fenris was still stuck in his own fury. He stood there, his sweaty, white fists trembling against the wall, clenched around his blade, which was shaking out of its sheathe, and his brows so furrowed into an anguished, angry demeanor that if he continued on as he was, Fenris thought he'd have a permanent frown for the rest of his life.

Fucking mages!

There was nothing he could do that was within reason and logic. There was nothing he could do to help Hawke feel better, and it only hurt more to know that she still wanted to help Anders. It hurt him to know that there was a part of her that still harbored feelings for a man who, minutes ago, tried to force himself upon her, and who wanted to kill innocent people in order to free mages.

Never in his life - including that of his life in Tevinter - had Fenris felt so angry, so agonized, and so besieged by his own thoughts. Maker, he knew once he had escaped from Danarius that he had never really shared the meek and submissive mentality of most slaves in Tevinter. For one, he could barely control himself when it came to strong, intense emotions. Maker, how he managed to ever stay a slave under Danarius for so long surprised him.

But Fenris wanted to scream as hard as he could.

Fucking mages!

Fucking mages!

_Fucking mages!_

Fenris took a long, deep breath in order to try calming himself down. But no matter what he did, his heart would not stop thumping, his head would not stop aching, and his fists would not stop shaking. Beads of sweat dripped down his face. He was beyond furious.

He needed to get out of here, quick.

Before he did something he knew he might regret.

Managing to pull himself away from the clinic, he felt his heart twist in pain, knowing Anders was just on the other side… he could end it all right now. He could end that miserable abomination's life right there and then. Only then would Hawke not have to worry, and Fenris would not have to suffer looking at the atrocious face of that self-righteous mage.

Maker, he wanted to… so badly.

But instead, Fenris stalked away from the clinic, making sure Hawke was nowhere in sight, and then slowly stomped his way up towards Lowtown.

_Venhedis!_

Every fiber of his lyrium-dowsed being begged him to finally follow through with his long, burning desire to wring Anders' neck. But the thought of Hawke, what she would think if Fenris did so, and the words of conviction and determination she had just spoken to the mage before she left, forced Fenris to step away. Although he couldn't fathom exactly why he chose to deny himself the pleasure of delivering Anders' well-deserved death-sentence, something deep in his heart told him that he would regret it if he followed through with his gut instinct. For Hawke's sake, the abomination had to be spared.

Yet as Fenris stalked away from that clinic in Darktown, he found himself trudging through the dirt slowly like an ox. His feelings were clouded and muddled. A voice in the back of his head continually praised him for being 'the better man' in the situation, a concept Aveline had tried instilling in him several times in the past. Fortunately, Fenris was beginning to attempt grasping at the idea and it made him feel a little bit better. In fact, as he walked up the stairs and traveled through the dark slums, his pace quickened to a normal state and he made his way to the Hanged Man.

However, his fury was far from spent. The idea of Anders rejoining them made him angry still, if not more - as if that were even possible! Why, the mage had tried to kill everyone with his cursed magic! When Fenris heard what Anders had done, he had considered punching Anders despite Hawke managing to pry his hands off of her. How could Hawke have invited such a horrible, despicable man after what he had just tried to do to her?

No… Anders was not even a man anymore. He was a monster.

What was Hawke thinking, inviting him to join them still?

Fenris frowned as he entered the Hanged Man, scanning the crowded pub for a certain comrade. The usual mid-noon crowd hung around, yet Fenris could not find who he was looking for. This was surprising, as he knew assumed that Isabela would be the first he would see.

"Varric's not in right now, elf." The bartender told him as he approached.

"The wench." Fenris said hotly. "Where is she?"

"She's not here anymore." The bartender replied quite nonchalantly, used to Fenris' angry demeanor. He wiped some of the soap off one of his mugs and set it down on its rack. "She was here an hour ago, but I think she went to Hightown after a few drinks. No doubt where that one's headed!" He grinned.

Fenris let out a frustrated groan, pushing himself away from the countertop and marching out the pub door immediately. _Venhedis!_

At least the bartender was right; there was no doubt where that whore of a pirate was headed. If both Fenris and Hawke were out and Varric was not at the Hanged Man, there was only one place Isabela would ever bother up in Hightown - The Blooming Rose. Of course, it didn't take a genius to figure that one out.

He climbed up yet another flight of stairs, at this point growing tired and annoyed of walking and stomping around Kirkwall. Although his marching had allowed him to let off some steam, constantly thinking about what just happened only seemed to counter that improvement.

But Fenris didn't care; he _wanted_ to be angry. He had every right. If the ground broke through to the center of the world due to his heavy stomping and marching, then to the void they would all go! Fenris didn't give a damn. He was not going to lie to himself; half of him was angry at Hawke for not telling anyone. As much as Fenris hated worrisome, overly-responsible paragons, he hated seeing Hawke keep everything inside even more. She was usually only open to certain people - namely, Varric. But as he knew already, Hawke had not told a soul of this grand plot.

Perhaps if he hadn't abandoned her after their first night together, Fenris and Hawke might have actually become close friends - maybe Fenris would have even rivaled Varric for the title of being Hawke's 'best mate'. But the growing rift between Hawke and Fenris was inevitable and appeared as quick as the dawn that morning when he left her, half-naked in bed. After that, Hawke seldom spoke to Fenris at all about herself. Maybe if she _did _have someone like him to talk to, Fenris would have known about this terrorism sooner?

No… that theory was not plausible. After all, Hawke told Varric everything for the past five years but had neglected to tell the dwarf the details to one of the most important events of her life - her break-up with Anders, was a big deal in itself. Fenris had to admit that the pirate wench had a point last night: The fact that Hawke had not consoled Varric about Anders was the very reason why Fenris knew this was a _big_ dilemma. And now he knew what this 'big dilemma' was.

_Bam._

Fenris kicked down the door before him as if he were back in the clinic and he was imagining Anders behind it, cowering in fear as the glowing Tevinter fugitive approached.

"You were right!"

"Fenris!" Isabela exclaimed, turning as the door to her room at the Blooming Rose flung open. "A little privacy here?! I'm sort of busy, you daft elf!"

The pirate sat, half-naked from the waist up, on top of a rather burly-looking male companion, obviously a worker at the brothel. Lying beside her quite nonchalantly was Jethann, Isabela's favorite elven worker at the brothel. Jethann's chin rested on his relaxed palm, watching Isabela grind herself on top of his co-worker in bed. From the way it looked in the room, the floor, and the bed - it was obvious both men were unclothed under those rather thin sheets, and that they were ...

Fenris frowned. If this was under different circumstances, he would've rolled his eyes at her and then closed the door immediately to wait for her to finish her business, but he was far too angry and impatient for that right now. After all, they were at the Blooming Rose. What did he expect?

"Get out." He motioned to the two men, his tattoos flashing still.

"What? Hey! You can't tell them to leave! I paid good coin for them!" Isabela whined. "What's gotten up your ass today anyway?" She asked. The man she was on top of snickered as she said this, and she playfully shoved him, smirking.

Fenris growled and stomped towards Isabela, pulling her halfway off the bed, away from her boys. He forced her to look at him as he spoke. He gripped her forearm tightly as he spoke: "We need to talk. It's about Hawke." He told her. "Remember what you mentioned to me last night? It's about that. Now get your prostitutes out of here before I do so myself."

Isabela paused, her face stern suddenly. She sighed dejectedly, nodded and then turned to the two men lying on her bed.

"Well boys, looks like you'll owe me." She told them, throwing them their shirts and pants from the floor. "It seems I've got other plans today."

"Aw, no fair." They said as they clamored to get their clothes on. Jethann opened his mouth to say more, but immediately closed it as Fenris made it a point to glare at the two men until they left, barely dressed as they clamored out the door.

The door closed behind them. Isabela shook her head in regret.

"So?" Isabela sat near her now empty bed, grabbing her own blouse. "What's going on? I take it everything went well and Hawke didn't see you?"

"No, she didn't." Fenris replied, his flashing tattoos fading away. "But she _did_ know something was up. I think she was expecting _you _to follow her, not me. Otherwise, I would have been spotted even easier."

"How in the Void could she have missed your white hair in a crowd? Oh Hawke, you're getting rusty… Anyway, good thing we threw her off then." Isabela grinned mischievously. "So what did you find out? What situation is _so dire _that you needed to interrupt my midday feast?"

"I need your help. Anders needs to be dealt with." Fenris said in a hasty, dark tone, ignoring her last remark. "_Now_."

"What do you mean, 'dealt with'?" Her eyebrows rose as she pulled the white cloth over her breasts. She didn't even wear a breast band. Her hardened nipples bled through the thin fabric easily. Yet Fenris remained unfazed and uninterested. After all, there was nothing he hadn't seen already.

"I'm going to kill him. Tonight." Fenris told her. "I'm going to need your help in case he-"

"What?! Wait a minute, Fenris. Do you hear yourself? Look at this! Why, you're shaking! Calm down, you fool…."

"No! You didn't see… or hear… what I heard just now."

"Well? What did you hear?"

"They were talking."

"Well yes." Isabela rolled her eyes. "That's why Hawke went to Anders in the first place - to talk. They need to straighten things out, remember?"

"No, that's not it." Fenris grimaced, not sure if he could even utter the words.

"You'll have to be more specific than that, I'm afraid." Isabela rolled her eyes again. "People talk all the time. We're 'talking' right now. Ugh, and this better be good, Fenris."

"Anders forced himself on her."

"WHAT?!" Isabela jumped out of her seat immediately. "What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean?" Fenris asked angrily.

Isabela blinked once - twice. "I just… I just never pegged Anders for the aggressive type. Are you sure? Maybe you heard wrong!"

"I heard _just fine._" Fenris said bitterly through his teeth. "He's _a mage. _What did you expect? I knew that he was a-"

"Oh, stop harping on mages for a second, will you?"

"This is different!"

"You don't like Anders; we get it." Isabela sighed. "So? What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"What? You just let it happen?! Was Hawke….?"

"It was over before I unsheathed my blade and was about to barge in." Fenris explained. "At first it was Justice threatening her, but she managed to talk Anders back to his senses. But then he just kept being pathetic and begging her to take him back. When she told him she couldn't he just grabbed her and she was almost…." Fenris let out a deep breath, not wanting to say the words. "…By him…"

"Well, Andraste's flaming ass, at least nothing happened!"

"No." Fenris said shortly. "Something _did _happen. And now I know why Hawke doesn't want us to know about it."

"What? What is it?"

"You were right." Fenris told Isabela. "Hawke was hiding something… something big. I'm not sure how to phrase it because they didn't say specifically what he was planning but…"

"Well? Spit it out then!"

"The mage wanted to get us all killed." Fenris told her, the spite and contempt fuming in his eyes. He had started stomping about the room in circles, trying to calm himself down but finding it uncontrollably hard not to punch something.

"Killed? What for? Has he gone completely mad? What was he trying to do?"

"I couldn't hear all of it, so not everything is clear." Fenris told her, frustrated beyond belief. "But from what I understand, Anders was using Hawke and the Chantry for some sort of experiment that might jeopardize the whole city by killing a lot of innocent people in Kirkwall. She's in danger - and so are we."

"_We're _in danger? Not just the Templars?"

"No. Not just the Templars." Fenris repeated through his teeth.

"Because if it were just Templars I would understand his vendetta."

"There is no reasonable excuse for his malicious intent." Fenris told her, frowning. "He wanted to kill all the people here; you, me, and everyone in the Chantry."

"But why the Chantry?"

"How should I know? That's where his maleficar blood magic was centered though, I think."

"Nonsense, Anders wouldn't do blood magic. He's not _that _stupid."

"He was stupid enough to try raping Hawke." Fenris muttered. "Maybe he's stupid enough to go hang around Merril too. They ought to be best friends now." He said in a vicious, sarcastic voice.

"Well, what do we do if Anders' is trying to kill us? Maker, I knew he had a few screws loose, but murder? That's not something I would have ever imagined him to do." Isabela shook her head. "Well - good thing is: if we know anything about Hawke, it's that she would never allow anything like this to happen."

"Hawke put a stop on it apparently, but who knows for sure."

"I'm sure Hawke would know." Isabela replied. "Should we ask her face to face?"

Fenris was silent and let out a long, deep breath.

"Do you think she'll talk to us about it?"

"No." Fenris replied in a more calming manner. He was trying to let out the fire still burning in his chest, slowly. "She's too hurt about him to talk about it. And she promised him she wouldn't."

"Oh, but promises are meant to be broken, Fenris." Isabela winked.

"Not for Hawke." Fenris said. "And not for me either. She hasn't broken this one she made to Anders, and I don't think it'll be easy to convince her into doing so. As much as I hate to say this, I understand her predicament even though I don't support her secrecy about this to us."

"She still cares for him." Isabela nodded.

Fenris scowled. "She wants to help him extinguish that Fade spirit, Justice! As if doing so would cure him of being an abomination!" He scoffed. "It doesn't matter; Anders still has the upper hand. We'll never know what he's up to… the conniving bastard! Do not make light of this, pirate - this is a real problem."

"I suppose it's time to get our hands dirty then." Isabela said, shaking her head again and jumping off the bed. Her boots landed on the hard wood floor with a tap. "It's time we saved Hawke and helped her out instead of it being the opposite."

"What do you mean?" Fenris eyed her questionably. "You are always trying to mix me into your outrageous schemes, pirate wench, as if I were your toy. While I agree it helped this time, if this next one sounds stupid, I'm going to -"

"Oh Fenris, you can't back down now! After all, _you_ are going to have to be the main lead again, my handsome elf." Isabela said, placing one hand on Fenris' shoulder, giving him a friendly pat and winking. "Besides, it's simple: _You're_ going to have to _make _Hawke tell you herself."

Isabela opened the door to the room and stepped out. Fenris followed her and the two made their way down the Blooming Rose steps. Lots of heads turned to see this couple leave - most of Kirkwall knew they were frequently seen with Hawke, their Champion, but still Fenris did not feel particularly happy about being seen at the Blooming Rose with Isabela. If word got out about this and Hawke heard… he would have some explaining to do.

"I knew it. I knew you had something stupid in mind." Fenris said angrily at Isabela. "How is that even a plan? You say it as though it is so easy, but it is not! Hawke is not going to tell me anything about Anders, or what happened between them. For one, she needs time. She is clearly not over him completely. Even a blind mabari can tell."

"Exactly," Isabela replied. "All you need to do is wait patiently."

"We don't have the time for that." Fenris frowned. "For all we know, the bloody mage could already have been performing another ritual to re-enact what Hawke prevented. Worse, he might try to hurt her again and I won't let that happen a second time! Anders used her once already to try his filthy magic on the city. What if he tries to mix her deeper into his schemes this time? What if he tries a blood ritual and needs Hawke as his sacrifice? Maker, just thinking about it is making me nauseous…"

"Then stop thinking about it!"

Fenris ignored her, and continued: "He's a liability. He's a monster! I don't give a damn about your stupid schemes, Isabela. To the void with waiting on Hawke to come clean - who knows how long that will take! Unless you plan on leaving town in the next month, we _need _to get rid of the mage. _Now_."

Isabela and Fenris stepped out of the Rose, the sunlight hitting the ground before them. Fenris found the sunlit ground to be warm on his toes, and much more comfortable to walk in. The carpet on the Rose was soft, but lacked the warmth of more natural substances.

"Why can't you be patient and trust me? Don't be too hasty." Isabela told him as they walked and Fenris explained what he heard more to her. "Hawke will come around on her own terms, but doing something rash like beating Anders to a bloody pulp - I know you want to do that, sweetling - but you're going to have to resist. It'll be hard, I know, but-"

"You are not making any sense." Fenris said furiously at her. "You would rather have a man like that run free? This is the exact reason I ran from Tevinter! Andraste help me, I don't even know why I came to speak with you! You are not my master, and I can do as I please!"

"I never said I was anything like that, Fenris!" Isabela hushed him. Well, perhaps in her fantasy bedroom, she might have been his master, indeed...

"How many times do I have to tell you? He is a threat." Fenris repeated, not noticing her eying him up and down (if he _did_ notice, he chose to ignore it). "He's a threat. He's dangerous; not only to me, but to you as well, to everyone here - everyone around us. As long as he remains, Kirkwall is _not _safe. Hawke is not safe."

"You've over exaggerating." Isabela said. "Anders loves Hawke just as much as you do."

Fenris cringed and turned to Isabela, glaring at her ferociously. How could she say those words directly to his face? How could she declare such things before him, especially after what Fenris had just heard and experienced? His rage had yet to die down, and his dark thoughts only multiplied by the second.

"_Do not - ever - say that again._" He hissed at her through his teeth.

"No need to be hostile, Fenris." Isabela frowned. "From what you told me, Anders had kept a promise to Hawke too. It's been what - a few weeks since they broke up? If Anders were to re-enact his ritual, he could have easily done so already. _But it's been a whole month_: The fact that he hasn't done anything means that he values what Hawke and he had - he still has feelings for her. He values the promise they made. She is his soft spot. She is what's holding him back from sabotaging the city. _She is his only hope_. I think Hawke sees that too."

"Do not try to appeal to romantic ideas, Isabela. I'm in no mood. Why are you so insistent on his side anyway? Do you secretly harbor some deep connection with him? Do you plan on plotting against us with him?" Fenris argued angrily.

"I'm not siding with him _or _corroborating with him! You're being ridiculous!" Isabela protested. "Let's just be rational about this -"

"Rational? This coming from a pirate?"

"Now is not the time to mock me, Fenris." She warned him, her fuse growing short.

"You are being stupid."Fenris insisted curtly. "Are you mad? If we don't deal with him ourselves, I say we should send him to the Gallows! You would let the mage walk around, knowing all about his malicious intents?"

"Yes, I would." Isabela told him, staring right back at him. "You know why? Because Anders still has a chance to regain his sanity, and Hawke wants to help him. She believes in him - you heard it yourself, did you? Why are you so eager to ignore her words? Do they mean nothing to you? I thought you loved Hawke - then why not respect her words? Honestly you foolish elf, do you think that by killing Anders she'll be happy?"

"More so than she is now, I assure you."

"No. _You _don't be stupid, Fenris." Isabela told him, glowering. "What are you going to do afterwards then, hmm? After you hypothetically destroy the mage and get rid of him, what do you expect of Hawke? Do you think she'll be overjoyed or relieved? Do you expect her to thank you for doing her a service? Do you even know what she's going through right now, Fenris? You think she'll just turn to you afterwards and everything will be okay?"

"No, I-"

"You think that by getting rid of Anders, she'll magically forget about all the pain between the two of them and turn to you instead? And you'll be able to settle down and start a new life together?" Isabela said this with immense sarcasm, her eyes flashing at Fenris in a most daring manner.

"I never said that." Fenris said in a lower tone.

"Of course you didn't." Isabela replied, turning away.

They walked down some steps, the sun still bathing them in its warmth. Fenris had a lot to mull over, it seemed. He would have never thought in a billion years that Isabela would have to be the one to talk some sense into him. Why, she was a pirate wench! She had once abandoned then and carried the Tome of Koslun all the way out to sea before deciding on a whim to return to help!

He swallowed and looked down at his feet.

Still, Isabela had a point.

Half of him felt glad she had talked some sense into him, but the other half was still brimming with anger to wring Anders' neck and tear the healer inside out. Fenris knew Hawke had gone to Anders for comfort once before because of Fenris' own lack of confidence and trust. He, Fenris, had been the one to drive Hawke her off to the mage. Every time he thought about it, he made his heart sink and he felt terrible.

Once upon a time, for a split second, Fenris had thought that Anders may have _really _been the one for Hawke, despite Fenris' blatant disapproval. Anders had a way with words that Fenris struggled to achieve. Anders could tell Hawke right from the start what she wanted to hear. The mage was direct and honest with his honeyed words. He was also kind and friendly. It made sense then, for Anders the healer, to be the one Hawke ran to for mending her broken heart.

Isabela had more than one fair point.

Killing Anders would only make Hawke more depressed… and angry at Fenris. It was what Fenris longed to do… but it would only make things worse. If Fenris really trusted Hawke… respected her… _loved _her… then he would value her wishes and not do a thing… yet.

"What do you want me to do then?!" Fenris asked her in anguish.

It was as if there was no way out. Nothing could make it feel better. There was nothing anyone or anything could do to make the twist in his stomach untangle, nothing in the world could make his head stop hurting, and no one could make his burning, heated, anger in his heart melt away. He wasn't sure how much longer he could take this. At that moment, Fenris felt as though the spirit of Justice had inhabited him as well.

"I told you already: Stand still and let Hawke come to you." Isabela instructed. "I know the woman more than she probably knows herself. She'll come to you when the time is right. All you have to do is _be patient and wait, _Fenris. Can't you do that…? For her sake?"

Fenris let out a loud exhale, his chest still roaring and his heartbeat still trying to decrease slowly. Begrudgingly, like a child, he nodded at her, looking away.

"That's better." Isabela smiled. "Trust me on this one. Hawke won't let Anders just-"

"Well, if it isn't my favorite brooding elf and Rivain beauty!"

A loud voice cut Isabela off and she immediately shut up in alarm, afraid that it might have been someone they didn't know, eavesdropping. Of course, when the dwarf came walking towards them, Bianca clanging behind him on his back, both their faces were washed over with a sense of relief.

"What's the matter?" Varric raised an eyebrow to them, staring at their faces. "You two look like you've seen a ghost. What were you talking so heatedly about?" He grinned.

"Something you need to know about. Urgently," Fenris told the dwarf. "It's about Hawke."

"Well, you know I'm _always _ready to write another chapter, Broody." Varric winked. "If it's about your 'reading and writing' date with Hawke, count me in on the retelling tonight. You never told me the full story last time. Don't think I forgot about it!"

"No. You won't be writing _this_ chapter." Fenris said firmly, to which Varric responded with a raised brow.

"This is a private matter," Isabela explained. "It's about what I said I suspected last night. Do you remember, or were you too drunk?"

"Actually, you know what? I might not want to know." Varric said quickly.

"Why not?" Fenris raised an eyebrow. "You _should _want to know. It's a dangerous situation and we need everyone to-"

"Oh no." Varric held up his hands and started backing away. "No, no, no. Not me, Broody. I know that look - it's something classified and unpleasant, isn't it? I'll admit, I wanted to know about their break-up as much as you and Rivaini here did, but I don't want to know about anything _unless_ it's from Hawke's mouth. I don't want to know anything that might make things… awkward."

"What? That's insane! Why are you so reluctant on hearing this?" Fenris frowned.

"This _is _rather unusual for you, Varric." Isabela shifted her weight. "You're telling me that you're willing to give up a nice, juicy detail for your story? What will your readers think?"

"He's _not _writing this part down, Isabela." Fenris insisted crossly.

"I know I know… my readers will be disappointed." Varric agreed. "And while I admit that you've got me intrigued, if it's one thing I've continually boasted about in Kirkwall over the years, it's the huge amount of respect I have for our leader and Champion. I'm not about to go back on my words and hear something I'd rather not want to know about."

"Well, I respect her just as much as you, but that doesn't-"

"Broody, listen to me here," Varric held up his hand to stop Fenris. "Hawke has come to me on several occasions and we've shared many a drink. What she tells me, she knows for certain that she wouldn't mind me sharing to the world. She trusts me, and she goes to me whenever she's in a bind. Yes, I still don't know why she and Blondie had to seclude themselves from each others' lives. You know me: I have eyes all over the city, but I haven't figured this one out. But even though I don't know what happened between them… unless Hawke comes to me first I'm not about to open a can of worms that the woman can't handle."

"But this situation involves all of us, dwarf," Fenris snarled. "You can't possibly ignore such dire circumstances! Its consequences are beyond heavy. I assure you, you'll want to know."

"I'm sure," Varric replied with conviction. "I don't want to know about it _unless_ Hawke is ready to tell us herself. I trust her judgment, even if it's a terrible catastrophe and may be a bad decision to not tell us on her part."

"Then you are a fool, dwarf," Fenris said angrily.

"You can call me what you want, but Hawke's privacy deserves all of our respect." Varric said. "I don't want to know what you two did to get whatever knowledge it is you have, but I'm not going to go around prying in Hawke's business. That woman can be scary when angered. You should know." Varric pointed out, raising his brow.

"You write stories about her," Fenris rolled his eyes. "Yet you claim that you don't want to pry around in her business? Does that make _any_ sense to you?"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Broody." Varric told Fenris. "Hawke's love life is her business. While I like to write about it, I only record what she's told me, although give or take I add in a few story-enhancing details, I nevertheless keep it as authentic as possible."

"You should want to know about this!"

"No. I already explained myself to you two. I have boundaries, you know. I mean, call me a blighted, nug-humping fool if you want, but Hawke's privacy about her personal life is the limit for me. I don't want to be a part of it unless she tells me herself. She's always come to me to talk, and that's the way I'd rather keep it."

"Don't joke around; it's a serious matter," Isabela replied. "Are you sure you don't want to know? It might change your mind about Anders and-"

"That's _exactly _why I _don't _want to know." Varric smiled. "I'll wait until Hawke tells me herself and then be the judge on Blondie."

"There is not much to judge," Fenris muttered.

"Varric, I have to agree with Fenris," Isabela started.

"Clearly, I guessed as much." Varric nodded.

"But… I suppose Varric also has a point." Isabela turned to Fenris.

"_What_?" Fenris eyed her furiously.

Isabela sighed. "Let's not make rash decisions, Fenris."

"Rash decisions? What exactly does Broody want to do with Blondie _this time_?"

"I thought you didn't want to know," Fenris muttered again.

Varric ignored him.

"He wants to kill him." Isabela told the dwarf. "Pretty badly, I might add."

"Eh, what's new?" Varric shrugged. "Doesn't Broody always want to kill Blondie?"

"Not like this time." Isabela shook her head.

"I'm not all talk, dwarf." Fenris said, his tattoos flashing in bright daylight. A few civilians turned and Isabela nudged Fenris. The tattoos stopped glowing, but the elf was still visibly angry. "I'm going to tear out his insides, wring his thin little neck, and-"

"Andraste's sweet flaming ass! You want to what?" Varric scratched his head. "I thought you'd want to just… you know, deliver a few punches here and there…"

"Still sure you don't want to know?" Fenris smirked darkly.

Varric frowned. "No. No, no, no. I don't want to know. Don't tell me." The dwarf paused, clearing his throat. "In any case, you two have to be at the Hanged Man today. Hawke mandates it. And as you know, Anders will be rejoining us tonight so I suggest the both of you prepare your 'let's all be nice and friendly' speeches," Varric eyed Fenris before continuing. "And keep your other ideas... to yourselves."

"I will not welcome an m-'

"Fine," Isabela shot Fenris a look. She then exhaled. "Fenris, come on. Let's just … let's just wait and see how tonight goes."

"I already know how well it will go." Fenris said sarcastically as he started stalking off the opposite direction of the dwarf and pirate. "Horribly."

"See you there then!" Varric called after him.

* * *

If it had been raining and dreary out, the mood would have been perfect for Hawke.

It would have reflected how her day was progressing so far, as well as her current mood.

Tears had started rolling down Hawke's cheeks as she lay in her bed, sprawled on her stomach with her arms curled around her softest pillow. She sniffled a little, and tried to make the knot in her chest dissolve. She hugged the pillow tighter, telling herself that at least she was doing _a lot _better than she had been four weeks ago when she first broke up with Anders. At least this wasn't as bad as she had been after Anders left the mansion officially, taking all of his stuff with him. That had perhaps felt the worst - because Hawke no longer had any memorabilia from the mage. She had even given Anders his necklace back. She was only left with memories in her mind now, and seeing Anders today only made those flash before her eyes.

Countless memories continued to haunt her like the plague, and she was not doing well in terms of trying to distract herself from it.

In particular, Hawke was thinking back on a certain memory that she remembered when she spotted one of Anders' unsorted boxes sitting on his desk. It was the single box of things that he had carried from her home back to his clinic, and it seemed like he never bothered to unpack it. Her seashell necklace sat at the top of the pile, shining at her as she stared back at it.

It hurt to see all his things laying alone in a box… All of those things she had grown familiar with over the years, and had touched each one at some point. All of those things she would never see in her home again, just like Anders. That necklace in particular, held a special memory for her, and it only broke her heart to see it again.

Long ago, on that one rainy day when Hawke stood at that bridge waiting for Anders to come meet her near the marketplace, he had forgotten and didn't remember until hours later; by that time, Hawke had been rescued from a potential cold by Fenris, and spent a lovely yet slightly awkward evening with the elf. She felt incredibly sad and disappointed when Anders never showed up, especially since her mother had just passed away. But at the end of the night, Anders had remembered and came knocking on the door of Fenris' mansion, taking Hawke away and desperately showering her with kisses in apology when they got back to the mansion. He even gave her a necklace he had made himself as an apology… using every seashell she had walked on from the Wounded Coast. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her.

Yet even without the necklace, Hawke could already tell that Anders had really meant it when he'd apologized… That was just the way he was, and it made her smile.

* * *

_"I'm so sorry about today. I ruined everything, didn't I?"_

_"A little."_

_"Listen Hawke… I know a pretty necklace could never win your heart, but I just wanted you to know that I do think about you, and I'm terribly sorry for leaving you out there like that. I… I'm so embarrassed and angry at myself for doing that…"_

_"It's alright, Fenris kept me company."_

_"I don't care. I wanted to be the one to keep you company. I… I love you, Hawke."_

_".. Anders…"_

_"Do you… still love me?"_

_"I don't know Anders. You left me again… this time, out in the rain. You know I'm easy to appease in terms of forgiveness, but this __is__ happens just too often. You barely come home and I practically never get to see you. I mean, we live together, for Maker's sake!"_

_"Hawke…"_

_"Perhaps it's best you left me alone for a while. That way, you won't have to trouble yourself with me and my needs…"_

_"Please don't say that to me. I love you. Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore?"_

_"Of course it does, but-"_

_"Hawke, I'm sorry. I know you're angry…"_

_"I am not as angry as I am disappointed and sad, Anders. I know you're busy and I try to be an understanding girlfriend, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me and expect to make everything alright. It doesn't work that way."_

"_Well, how does it work then?"_

_"I… I don't know; but not this way!"_

"_Well how about this: I love that you hate the cold and like to sleep in on rainy days. I love that you think my ideas on mage liberation can work for our cause. I love how cute you are when you're confused. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell you on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. I know I hurt you today, but I promise to make it up to you. Hawke, if I want to spend the rest of my life with somebody; it would undoubtedly be you. I love you Eden Averia Hawke, with all my heart. Please - I know I probably don't deserve it, but can you ever find it within yourself to forgive me?"_

_"Anders…"_

_"I love you…"_

_"… Anders… ugh! You see? This is what you do to me every, single time! I can't believe I'm letting you get away with this again! I can't believe I let you do this to me every damn time! How? How can you make it so hard for me to love you, yet make it impossible for me to hate you at the same time? I hate you, Anders. I really do sometimes…"_

_"But…?"_

_"…."_

_"I love you, Hawke. You know that. Please forgive me."_

_"Fine! But you'll have to give me a million kisses to make up for it!"_

_"I will! A million kisses it is! You know what? Let's make that two million! Now tell me you'll forgive me and that you'll love me, or else!"_

_"Or else, what?"_

_"Or else you'll have to watch me cry like a little girl. I'll do it, you know! You think I'm joking? I'm not! I'll have you know that I'm a very sensitive man! I'm more than capable of such! Watch me! I'll do it, you know!"_

* * *

As Hawke laid in her bedroom, the door closed and her servants downstairs minding their own businesses, she sat up slowly, wiping away her salty tears, trying to tell herself to knock it off.

But she couldn't help thinking about what happened just an hour ago.

What was she going to say to Anders in front of everyone else?

No one knew what had happened between her and Anders. In fact, she didn't even have a bogus story about what had happened in order to cover up for the truth. She and Anders never really talked about that. She had planned to talk about it when they met again, but after what happened today, she wasn't quite too keen on visiting him again at the clinic; at least, not alone.

Maker, what was she going to say?!

Her friends had been nice enough not to poke her with incessant questioning and prodding, so she never really thought about making up a story on her break-up with Anders. In fact, she preferred not to talk or think about it at all. But as Anders was rejoining the group, Hawke had a feeling that it was only a matter of time before the questions came. After all, Hawke only had _so much time _before it became obvious that she was through grieving about the mage. By then, she would have to have worked on her story-making skills quite a bit.

What was Anders going to say?

She found herself scared of knowing.

In fact she found herself scared, period.

Never in the years they had been together, had Hawke been scared of Anders. Of course, she had plenty of experience when it came to being scared _for _Anders (like the time he got bit by a drake youngling in the Bone Pit cavern, or when she heard Templars were scavenging the Darktown slums for apostates). Yet, Hawke had never really thought Anders a threat to her, or thought he would ever try to hurt her. He was usually so gentle. Justice rarely came out to talk to her, let alone hurt her. Even when Justice _did _say hurtful things to her, Anders always managed to hold him back.

But that was precisely why she had perfectly good reasons to be scared out of her wits when it came to Anders _now_. He had never been forceful to her in the entire span of their relationship, even when they had sex. Sure, Anders became a little heated and passionate when it came to mage liberation, his time in Fereldan, and Templars… but he had never really threatened her, or presented himself in such a violent manner.

It almost made Hawke sure that this was all Justice's doing. And it only served to motivate her more on finding a cure for Anders. Of course, she hadn't thought of what would happen if she managed to cure Anders. When he asked her today, she replied that she 'didn't know'.

That was partially true. She didn't know what she would do. If Anders came back to her, normal and Justice free from his body could she truly go back to him? How much of Anders did she ever date in the first place? How much of Anders had she fallen in love with? Where was that fine line she longed for? Where was that clean-cut definition? Even Anders probably didn't know.

How much of what they had was real?

Was anything real in the first place?

Hawke suddenly found herself in a mental state of philosophical dilemma - she found herself unsure of exactly how much of the _real _Anders she had fallen in love with. What if she never truly met him at all? What if he had started fading even before they had met? _Who _was this man she had fallen in love and lived with for three years?

Hawke didn't have an answer. Even in their time together, Ander's proved to be somewhat secretive and mysterious. His enigmatic personality sometimes intrigued her, but as the years wore on it only frustrated her more and more. For one, she never truly decided whether Anders' constantly changing mind was friend or foe. He came and went, leaving her at dawn and returning at dusk. She found herself more and more alone as their relationship progressed; she just didn't know it. If she did notice, she chose to ignore it. Hawke was well aware that her affections for Anders had made her blind. It made her heart rise above the clouds to be with him, only to sink back down again when he left.

How many times did this pattern continue? How many times did she try begging him not to go about in this manner? He would apologize profusely, showering her with chocolates, flowers, and kisses until she - like a weak, infatuated child - forgave him like the stupid, wretched fool she was. Often times, she had wished desperately that he would give her a more legitimate reason to change her mind and stay with him, but that was all just her own illusion. He had never told her that he wanted her help with Justice. In fact, towards the later years it didn't seem like he was remotely interested in extinguishing Justice from his body at all. That should have been the starting point for her suspicion, but Hawke was too twisted around the mage's finger to care.

Now that she was out of his clutches, she began to realize how stupid she had been not to notice Anders' strange and inappropriate behavior. Not only did he frequently leave her in the dark, always abandoning her for his own plots, but she had been fooled enough to believe that he was working, and that he loved her. When she had fallen and found herself at a loss for getting back up, Anders had indeed been there at times, but his mind had been elsewhere. How had it taken her so long to figure this out?

She had once wanted desperately to find more of a reason within Anders than that which she had made up on her own. But the truth was all coming to her now: Anders didn't need her - Anders never needed her, at least not in the way she would have preferred. Hawke had been his ace in the deck, his trump card - she was his ticket to get whatever he needed done, and that was that. He could fare pretty well by himself. After all, he had gotten this far already, escaping from the wardens and all. She had just been a stepping stool in his plans.

She was too yielding, she told herself.

The voice in the back of her head told her that Anders _did _love her, in his own way. Hawke shook her head viciously to block it out, but… the way Anders begged her today when she visited him... it all seemed to genuine, too passionate for it to have been fake. Anders was no con man; Hawke was just too weak before him to have notice that she had been duped. A part of her wanted to believe that the Anders she met at the beginning was the real person. Yet now that she thought of it, she was suddenly not quite sure.

Had Anders ever really been there?

All this time, had he been himself? Or had he always been a little out of it?

Was she always somewhat scared of what Anders was capable of and just didn't know it? Whatever the answers to her questions were, Hawke found herself certain of only a few things at the moment.

For one, she _had _to try getting Anders back to himself. After everything that happened today, she was sure of this the most. Yet something was different now. Suddenly, she knew that helping Anders would not be for the sake of their deteriorated relationship, but for the sake of something greater: Kirkwall. She no longer had to fulfill her obligations as Anders' lover. She had a different duty, as Aveline would say.

Secondly, Hawke understood there was no longer anything she could say to Anders that would change his mind. While she wasn't going to give up necessarily, this meant that she no longer felt that burning desire to be with him again. It was as if the tears she had just shed were the last remnants of her pain from Anders - that little fool inside her head had been destroyed and she felt as though she was back on her feet again.

It was amazing what a good cry might do to you.

Her head hurt like shit, but at the end it was worth it.

She knew what she had to do, and stood up.

Cleaning up her face a bit to make sure no one could tell of her lament, she slowly opened the door to her bedroom and slipped down the stairs to the library. Near the window was her writing desk. As she sat down before it, she grabbed some parchment, ink, and her quill, and then began writing:

* * *

_Anders, _

_To start off, I'd like to tell you that I don't feel contempt for you. Not even after what you tried doing to me at the clinic. I thought about it for a long time, and I know deep inside that the person who tried to hurt me was not you, and that you weren't in your right mind. I understand that. _

_I've always understood that._

_But still, there are some things that need to be said, some of which I didn't get to say today._

_I want to help you. I did in the past, and I still do. But in order to do so, you'll have to understand that I'm doing this for you because I don't want to lose you as my friend, and I don't want to see you, or see anyone else get hurt again._

_I know you won't let me help you. In fact, you never did, and I'm almost sure that you've already given up. I told you several times before that I would be the hope that shines for the both of us, carrying us to a bright future. But you destroyed that future when you lied to me, used me, and then did what you did when we met today. You scared me, and even made me furious with you. But as much as I wanted to scream at you, I still want to help. _

_However, I do it now for different reasons. _

_I'll tell you right now that I'll be damned if I let you attempt what you done again. I will stop Justice by exorcising him from you. I've learned first-hand what atrocities he can commit. No matter what, I'm going to find a way to stop him, and I don't care what you say to try and stop me._

_I know there are very many things you would like to tell me, the most important of which you told me today: "I'm sorry." _

_There are also many things that I would like to say to you as well. But as dramatic and poetic as this sounds, I feel as though I've lost my way, and I've lost my words. No matter what I say, my words can't reach you anymore. I don't even know why I'm writing this. _

_I've tried numerous times to try to convince you and help you. I want you to know that my feelings for you haven't changed. I want to help because I care for you deeply. Even if I wanted to, there is no way I could go back on all the fun times we've shared together. There are very many places I would like to go to forget everything that has happened here, but it's as though I can't find the key to open the doors. There are very many ways I would like to break the spell you've cast upon me; because all this time I sacrificed myself to try making you happy has made you haunt me._

_I care for you, perhaps more than you'll ever know. But in the end of the day, I've found that no matter what I say, it no longer matters. You can't feel the weight of my words anymore._

_I can't tell you if I forgive you or not, but I can say that this goes far beyond us. All I can say right now is that I'm going to continue trying._

_When you asked about the possibility of us getting back together again back at the clinic, I said I 'didn't know' because at the time that was my honest reply, but I've thought it out some more and have made a decision: Even if you return to the way you were before, without Justice, there are just some memories I don't want to revisit. Some things cannot be erased so easily. That's why I don't think things can continue as they were before, even if we solve our issues. _

_I know you won't want to see me face to face for a few days, and I don't want to make things awkward. But I didn't want the thought to linger in your mind, and I wanted to settle things and make them clearer. So these are my decisions, and I thought it best if I informed you._

_Please try to understand and know that I will always care about you, and that I will try my best._

_Always, _

_-Eden_

* * *

Some might have thought that writing was not the brightest of ideas, but to Hawke she knew that Anders would have appreciated it more than if she had gone to see him again face to face. As scared as she was when Anders and Justice tried to hurt her, the look of horror that swept across his face when he realized what he had almost done was too painful for her to look at. That was part of the reason why Hawke felt the need to carry out her thoughts with words.

Still, a part of her felt proud to have written a letter, concluding her thoughts and decisions. It almost felt as if a chapter of her life had been sealed away, and that she was already on the track of healing herself from the pain of her old relationship. Perhaps this was what Varric felt like every time he finished a chapter to his book.

For the first time, Hawke felt as though she wouldn't be crying for a while.


	26. Kill Me Now

**Summary:** Hawke's serious relationship with Anders turns sour when she finds that Anders used her to get into the chantry and build a bomb for his plans of mage liberation. She thwarts his plans and breaks up with him. Weeks later, Hawke starts to rekindle her relationship with Fenris and they agree to take things slow. She then goes to see Anders to invite him to rejoin their group after their split. However, things do not go according to plan because Anders tries to get back together with her, accidentally unleashes Justice, and almost rapes her. Fenris witnesses this, and finds out that Anders tried to unleash some sort of catastrophe onto Kirkwall. He is infuriated that Anders is rejoining them but can't tell Hawke that he eavesdropped on them, so he has no choice but to join everyone else at the Hanged Man for Anders' 're-initiation'.

* * *

**Chapter 26: Kill Me Now**

* * *

Fenris scowled for the umpteenth time that day.

"Don't look so down, Fenris," Aveline said as the guard captain approached the table.

"If you think I'm going to recite some poem or long-winded speech for an abomination, then you thought wrong." He glared as the guard captain sat down.

"Oh, shut up." Aveline rolled her eyes, turning to Varric. The dwarf shrugged and then gave Fenris a look of forewarning.

"You know Fenris, if you have something on your mind, perhaps coming to the Chantry might relieve you of your worries." Sebastian suggested as he laid his bow out on the table, pulling out his chair to sit and join.

"Don't be silly, Sebastian," Isabela giggled at him. "Fenris would never go there."

Fenris rolled his eyes at Isabela, who immediately scooted over towards the Prince. Honestly, did none of the things Fenris had told her about Anders today faze her at all? Could that pirate wench think of nothing else but sex? Ironically, a week ago Fenris himself had bet Varric that Isabela would have Sebastian in her bed in under a month. The pirate had been flirting and trying pretty hard to get under that pretty boy's armor lately, and everyone knew it, even Sebastian. (If he didn't, then Fenris would say that the Starkhaven Prince was a blind bigot.)

Of course, that was before Fenris had become involved in the greater scheme of things. While Isabela's flirting served as entertaining for most the crew (Aveline would never admit such), Fenris was not in the mood. In fact, the brooding elf was pretty much willing to be pissed off at just about anything tonight.

"I brought something for Anders! Do you think he'll like it? It's an amulet, sort of like the one Hawke gave him years ago!" Merril showed her odd trinket to Varric.

"You mean that lovely Tevinter Chantry Amulet?"

Hawke's voice, slowly getting louder as she approached the table, alerted Fenris to turn his head towards her direction. Although he had stalked her and followed her in Darktown, eavesdropping on her conversation with Anders, he had no really spent time or 'seen' her officially today. His scowling stopped immediately at the sight of her.

She carried two mugs of ale, one of which she promptly gave to Varric before setting down her own mug in front of her chair next to the dwarf. She turned, grabbed the two scimitars from her back and placed them on the back table for safekeeping. Yet a look on her face told Fenris that she hesitated slightly - and he knew she had every reason to be cautious this evening.

She blinked twice before setting down her weapons.

For Fenris, thinking about Hawke feeling insecure and scared was far different from actually seeing it. In his thoughts, it was enough to make his blood boil for Anders' blood as his heart twisted into a uncomfortable knot. But seeing Hawke acting so apprehensive in person seemed out of character for her and suddenly Fenris felt the urge to draw the woman before him in for a tight embrace. Not a fervent, lustful embrace - but rather a compassionate and caring one. He felt a sudden need for her to be close to him.

He wanted Hawke to know that he was there.

As much as it hurt to know that she still wanted to help Anders and stick up for him, Fenris loved her and wanted her to be safe. He wanted to tell her that as long as he was at her side, nothing harmful would ever happen to her again. Fenris would not allow it. And by Andraste's blood, if Anders tried to force himself onto Hawke again, Fenris wouldn't think twice before ripping the mage's body apart with his claws.

"Hawke," Fenris stood up, his chair scooting across the wooden floorboards.

"Yes, Fenris?" Hawke looked at him, smiling pleasantly.

Was that a genuine smile? Of course not; that was the smile he had seen often before, when Hawke was suffering but would try her hardest to retain normality. He had seen it several times because Hawke had smiled that same way years ago when she was still trying to get over Fenris by going out with Anders. It was not a smile Fenris would easily forget, and he certainly didn't like seeing her smiling like that to him.

"I have something to tell you." He told her. "Come here for a moment."

"Fenris," Isabela, out of her half-drunken state, turned to shoot Fenris a look that read: _"What are you doing? Don't be hasty!" _Varric also looked up at Fenris and gave him a similar look. Frankly speaking, Fenris was amazed that Isabela was still aware of her surroundings when she had her arms snaked around Sebastian like a snake, and seldom took her eyes off him, eagerly anticipating the poor prince like a tiger.

But Fenris could care less about either of them. Besides, what he wanted to do with his knowledge was not their business. He was tired of their meddling. He had done his part and found out more than Isabela and Varric had regarding Hawke. No, he didn't care about what those two wanted, and he didn't like their cunning, sneaky tactics. If he was to confront Hawke about what he had heard today, he could do so whenever and wherever he chose.

"What is it?" Hawke asked as Fenris whisked her away around the corner, out of earshot. "What is the matter? I - Oh!"

As soon as they were out of view down the hall, Fenris pulled her close for a warm embrace. His arms cradled her as if she was a tender blossom. One hand rested on the back of her head gently while the other wrapped around her body in a perfect shell. He brought her close to him, smelling the sweet scent of almond and honey in her light curls. He held on to her as if she was a precious child to him, as though she was a fragile flower.

"Fenris?" She asked in a hushed, gentle tone. At first she seemed surprised, but she eventually leaned into him and hugged him back, for which he was glad. After hearing that she would still help Anders, her rejection would have crushed him more so than anything else. "What is the matter?" She whispered into his ear, enough to send chills down his spine.

He pulled away, both his hands on her shoulders as he stared back at her emerald eyes.

He wanted to apologize.

He wanted her to know that he knew she was scared.

He wanted to reassure her and tell her that nothing of that sort would happen again.

He wanted to tell her that he could, if she desired, make everything better to the best of his abilities. He would provide for her if she needed. He would stay with her if she wanted, wherever she wanted. He could protect her, if she only she'd let him be by her side again… permanently. If she wanted him to change, he would do so in a heartbeat. He was willing to do anything to make her happy again.

Was this love?

Fenris didn't know. He had never really experienced it. But seeing Hawke as she was now made his heart ache and his stomach flop. Did she know that? Was she aware? He had no idea what she was thinking. Maker, if he could have _one _magical ability…

"I…" He wanted to tell her that he knew about her and Anders - and that he wanted to avenge her for what the mage tried to do today. He wanted to protect her dignity and honor. He wanted her to know that he was there for her. "I just wanted to tell you that I missed you today," he said instead, biting his tongue. "I know it's strange with what is happening today, but… I mean it."

"Oh, well aren't you being unusually sweet," She smiled. "Don't think that by sucking up to me I'll be any easier on you on our next reading session though! Your handwriting is horrible!"

He laughed.

How he managed to laugh at a time like this, with half his heart on fire, was a miracle that only Hawke could cause. How was she doing this to him? He had every intent to make her spill the beans to him and admit everything to the rest of the team, but now that he was actually with her Varric and Isabela's words on respecting Hawke's words came back to haunt him all of a sudden.

"I wasn't trying to flatter you, Hawke." Fenris told her. _"Believe me; I did enough of that in Tevinter."_ He thought to himself.

"Well then, what _are _you trying to do?" Hawke asked, flashing him a much more delightful beam. It immediately warmed his heart to see her genuine smile again. He longed to tell her, but a voice inside his head reminded him not to be too direct. After all, Hawke was still in a delicate state, especially today.

"Nothing, I just…"

He looked down, thinking for a second, and then looked back at her.

He was still unsure of what to say. He wanted to tell the truth, but he just couldn't tell Hawke that he had overheard her talking with Anders. Varric was right - if he wanted to respect Hawke's wishes, he would wait and see what she does. Besides, what would Hawke think of him if she knew he had followed her and snuck behind her back, cooperating with Isabela? No, Fenris knew he would have to wait for Hawke to come to him as Isabela predicted, and tell him the story herself.

He let out a slow, low sigh. It was silly how he had intended to pry the knowledge out of her lips, but at this last second, just by seeing her wonderful smile again, he abandoned all his wishes to make Hawke confess to him… all for her sake. All for Hawke, the woman he never wanted to leave ever again.

Was this really love? Fenris didn't know; he wished to the Maker he did. He wished he had a perfect concept of the idea. Maybe then he would know for sure.

True, Fenris had plenty of experience when it came to making his partners pleased. He had been trained to do such things before. But love was never involved back then so Fenris never really experienced it… until years ago when we had met Hawke. Yet even back then, Fenris was unsure of how to react or what to do. It wasn't as if he had been surrounded by notions of 'love' in Tevinter… or been able to read romance novels like the rest of the world. The pain of having his memories all rush back from the thrill of their heated sex didn't quite help him out either.

Fenris glanced at Hawke, twisting a curl of her hair behind her ear affectionately.

"It just seemed as though you weren't feeling that great tonight, so I thought I might try to make you know that I'm still here for you, and not to feel too pressured and… uneasy."

"Well I must confess that having Anders come back _is_ a little awkward for me…" She looked down, as if ashamed. "But Aveline was right; I needed to do what was right and keep the team together. Besides, I don't think I'll be having any trouble with Anders. I'll be on my best behavior."

"But -"

"And Anders will too." She told him. "So please, Fenris… try not to bring up bad memories, okay? I know you two don't get along, but please leave him alone tonight… for me?"

"Hawke…" He paused. "Fine," Fenris' mutter was barely audible for Hawke to hear.

"To be honest," She laughed, much to his astonishment. "I wasn't feeling that great about it earlier this evening… but the more I thought about it, the more I started to understand. I think this was for the best - and I think I'm actually feeling better today than I have for years, ironically enough." She said truthfully.

He was surprised at her words. He hadn't anticipated her to talk to him about her current feelings about Anders so quickly. It made him wonder if she was really relieved and feeling better about Anders rejoining them. Was she saying so because she wanted a better way to keep tabs on the mage, or did she want Anders to rejoin them because she still harbored feelings for him? Fenris wanted it to be the former, of course. But he couldn't tell which Hawke referred to.

"You were having a bad day earlier? Why did you not come to me about it? Or Varric even? Did something bad happen when you visited him today?" Fenris tried to keep a straight face, but considering that Hawke was not even looking, he got lucky. His poker face was terrible.

"Nothing happened, but I was just thinking…"

But Hawke's poker face was certainly winning.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Fenris urged, trying to push her to confess to him one last time, hoping to get this secret out in the open soon.

"It's very kind of you, Fenris. But I'd rather save that topic for another day." Hawke told him. "I mean, I'm better now, but it's still a rather sensitive topic."

"Hawke," Despite what he knew was the right thing to do, he wanted to push her more. After all, it never hurt to try, right? "If you want to talk about it at any time, feel free to come to me. I don't want you to have no one around for you. I am at your side, always."

"You are being very polite to me today. I don't remember you being so attentive and kind in the past, Fenris. What is going on?" Hawke asked, giggling slightly.

"I find that offensive, Hawke." He told her. "I've always been attentive. You just never knew."

"Apparently not," she smiled. "So for what reason did you have to whisk me away so secretly? Did you want to talk about something?"

"It is nothing." He told her. "I just wanted you to know that I cared."

"I know you care, Fenris." She laughed.

"I also wanted to tell you that I missed you today… and that I very much desired to embrace you once I saw you come through that doorway." He said in a more hushed tone.

"We saw each other just the other day." She reminded him, blushing red. "You act as though it has been forever! Just remember, Fenris: We may be 'together', but we're still taking it slow. Very slow, as I recall."

"I am aware," Fenris nodded. "But that does not mean I can't try cheering you up on a bad day, or give you a hug when you look as though you've had a tough day."

"Well, thank you." She smiled again. "I _did _like your hug, Fenris."

"I'm here when you need me." Fenris told her, walking past her.

"Good to know." Hawke nodded as she followed him, her face flushed slightly.

* * *

Talking to Hawke before Anders arrived certainly made things a little better for Fenris. Isabela and Varric shared the same relieved faces when they found out that Fenris had not tried forcing Hawke to confess to the rest of them about Anders. Fenris regretted it partially, but seeing Hawke smile from across the table made him feel a little lighter every time.

At least, that was what Fenris thought before Anders arrived on the scene.

At first, Fenris managed to swallow his pride and anger, keeping to himself for the most part. But as the night progressed, Fenris' burning desire to tear off the mages' head only grew more intensely. How Isabela and Varric could sit at a table making merry and laughing while Anders sat before them was a mystery beyond Fenris' imagination.

When Hawke and the others were finally joined by Anders, they had taken it upon themselves to give out speeches and dice out fancy dishes on their table as if there was a celebration to be had. Merril was the only one that had a gift for Anders, and Varric's speech was the only one that toppled Hawke's. Fenris said nothing during either event at the table, preferring instead to progressively sip at his wine.

Effective immediately upon his arrival were the compliments and benevolent comments. Everyone noticed that Anders had shaved and cut his hair for the occasion. Aveline commented on it first thing when the mage came walking through the doorway. Even Hawke had looked up in surprise when he walked through the doorway, though Fenris hoped that half of that look was in fear. Either way, Fenris rolled his eyes and turned the other way, looking down at the trembling fist sitting in his lap and trying to contain his irritation.

It made him mad to be sitting at the same table as a monster who just recently tried forcing himself on the woman he loved. Even worse, nobody except him and Isabela knew about it. He couldn't stand having Hawke live in fear of a mage, and the thought only served to make Fenris more pissed off. Every time he stared at the mage from across the table, Fenris saw a rapist, a self-righteous murderer, and a despicable monster. He had half a mind to march over to Anders' seat and toss the mage out the back door of the tavern for an old-fashioned Tevinter brawling.

To make matters worse, Anders was acting rather inappropriately himself.

He kept touching Hawke whenever he caught Fenris looking, as if challenging the elf. And Hawke herself didn't even seem to mind, which irritated Fenris to the Void and back. He had to look away every time he saw Anders wipe away a strand of hair from Hawke's face, or subtly touch her arm at the table. No one else seemed to care about it though, or if they _did _notice no one commented. After all, this was all on Hawke - if she had a problem with Anders, she would have to deal with it. No one liked getting in between lovers… or ex-lovers.

Fenris scowled and looked away.

Varric gave him a bemused grin from the other end of the table.

That damned dwarf.

If Fenris didn't know any better, he would say that Varric was enjoying this.

Did the dwarf seriously not even care about the danger the abomination posed? Why did he insist on being blinded from the truth? Fenris suddenly found himself regretting _not _telling Hawke that he knew about her past situation with the abomination.

Of course, it wasn't too late to announce it to the world. But Varric and Isabela's ideas bounced back to him every time he tried convincing himself to come clean and tell his companions. One look at Hawke, and Fenris knew that he just couldn't risk ruining her life and hope. He knew she wanted things the way they were now - he knew she wanted to try saving Anders (though he had no idea why).

_What a stupid notion. _Fenris thought to himself. _But if that's what Hawke wants…_

He looked up. Anders and Hawke were conversing about something in Fereldan with Isabela, who took it upon herself to start leaning up against Sebastian's shoulder as she spoke. Sebastian looked embarrassed but didn't push her away, and Hawke was having a nice, warm bowl of soup as they talked about the 'glory days'.

"Not all brothels are like the Blooming Rose. They're not all composed of pretty, fresh flowers and rich drapery. I mean, have you seen the one in Lowtown? Or even worse-that one in the corner of Darktown? That place gives me the shivers!" Hawke said, shuddering.

"Well, I can't say I've been to all of them," Isabela shrugged, earning a surprised look from both Anders and Hawke. "Oh, I mean, I've been to _a lot _of fun places, of course. But the brothels in Kirkwall are just not as good as some of the ones I've been in."

"Not even the Rose?" Hawke smirked.

Isabella shook her head, "Nope. You know, now that I think about it - _nothing_ can beat the Pearl! It's pretty much ruined all other brothels for me. Ah, I've never quite been in a place like it…"

"You mean that brothel back in Fereldan?" Hawke asked.

Fenris watched as Hawke laughed, her dainty fingers balancing the spoon perfectly.

He often wondered what Hawke's life would have been like if the Blight had never happened and if her home hadn't been destroyed. Of course, he knew that Hawke tried not to think about those imaginary scenarios anymore. He had asked her once about her life in Kirkwall compared to Fereldan and she had replied, 'I'd rather not think about it. I see Kirkwall as my new home now. After all, things are constantly changing, aren't they? Might as well accept it.' While the present Hawke seemed to have changed a little over the years, that was one of the first heart-to-heart conversations he had with her when they first met, and to this day it was a sentiment that he knew Hawke still lived by.

Perhaps that was when Fenris had started developing a fondness for Hawke.

He looked up from his flashback to gaze at her again. Her lips were pressed together as she twisted that annoying strand of hair back behind her ear for the billionth time that evening. Fenris never noticed that her fingers were so slender and thin. How could such a small woman possibly hold such heavy scimitars? Why, she was barely as tall as Fenris himself, and the average elf was pretty short compared to the average human…

Isabela's laughter and snorting dragged Fenris back into their conversation.

"Ask Anders. He can answer your question. Remember the night we met?" Isabela smirked.

"Certainly," Anders smiled. "I was a young Warden back then…and you… why, you were completely drunk… yet still managed to beat me at a mere game of cards!"

"Tell me something new." Isabela laughed.

"Oh Isabela, stop talking about it," Hawke nudged her a little. "You're making Sebastian uncomfortable."

Isabela's smirked and sat up, facing the Starkhaven prince with another smile. Sebastian stared back at her. Though his face was calm and collected, it was clear that he was not sure of what to do. For the past few weeks, the prince had managed to slip away from the pirate when she wasn't looking in order to avoid her rather … honest proposals and advances.

Fenris sincerely felt bad for the desperately pious man.

"Am I making you nervous?" Isabela purred, drawing close to him.

Sebastian said nothing and Hawke shook her head, chuckling.

Isabela grinned and started getting on top of the poor prince. He struggled at first but didn't want to hurt her, so he allowed her to straddle him as he sat on his chair. Poor prince!

"I'll stop if you want." Isabella said to him in a lowered voice, leaning down near his ear while simultaneously giving him a nice view of her cleavage. Sebastian swallowed and turned to look up at the ceiling instead. Isabela leaned closer to his ear: "All you have to do is give me one nice, big… let's just say… a nice big boat."

Fenris coughed, trying to stifle the laugh he had coming up his throat. He sometimes hated the fact that his elven ears enhanced his hearing abilities. But Isabela was so ridiculous he found it humorous at times. Her attempts at courting the prince were so overplayed and dramatic that it seemed more of a poorly-written play than it was an actual courting.

"Do you not have your ship already?" Sebastian said, trying to steer the conversation.

"Hmm?"

"Yes Isabela, you keep talking about boats and ships. Have you even tried your new ship yet? The one you chose to name after your favorite brothel in Fereldan?" Hawke asked.

Fenris shook his head quietly to himself, knowing that Hawke was trying to save Sebastian from the pirate's torment. But he knew that it was not going to work. After all, this was Isabela they were talking about.

"I'm still curious about that myself." Anders asked, leaning closer to Hawke. "What's still keeping you here?"

"Mostly the sex." Isabela winked. "Especially with you, Hawke; Last night was amazing, babe. You're an absolute tiger between the sheets. We should try it again sometime… or maybe even make it an all night, every night affair." She teased, winking.

Sebastian coughed and Hawke blushed, shaking her head. Anders joined the laughter, but Hawke turned away from the mage when their eyes caught one another. To say that this was slightly awkward would have been an understatement.

"What?" Isabela looked at Sebastian, grinning as he turned red. "You think a woman can't find another woman attractive?"

"Isabela!" Hawke shook her head. "She's joking, Sebastian, obviously. Isabela and I have never done anything of the sort."

"Oh, how cute! You're blushing." Isabela smiled at Sebastian, who promptly turned away. Yet still, he made no move to remove Isabela from his lap. "And here I thought you were all talk and not enough imagination…"

Fenris frowned.

He knew the prince had once been a rather adventurous lad in his more audacious days because Sebastian often talked about it. But the fact that Sebastian found the idea of Isabela and Hawke together did not sit right with the elf. The Starkhaven prince finding his woman attractive just made everything even worse (as if it were possible!). Anders leaning closer to Hawke despite the latter's disregard didn't exactly help ease the elf's mind either. The only thing that had made him feel better was when Hawke turned away from Anders.

"You _do _attract the strangest types." Isabela noted to Hawke.

"Yes, like lust addled pirates." Hawke replied with a smirk.

"Oooh, touché. You've got me there." Isabela giggled.

Why did Isabela have to talk about sex and anything remotely romantic or love-related, knowing that Hawke's ex-lover was right beside her? She was so tactless, Fenris thought. Was the pirate too drunk to care, or did she think she was helping Hawke get over Anders by saying these things? Whatever it was, Fenris was pretty sure that Anders leaning over near Hawke with his arm behind her chair was _not _a sign that the two were over each other… at least on one side.

The mages' insistent touching by patting her hair or touching her shoulder lightly was making Fenris flinch every time. Hawke didn't say anything about it, but she was clearly uncomfortable with it. Varric had tried to get Anders to sit near him and Merril in the beginning, but that hadn't worked. Anders continued being pathetic and pitiful, just as he had in the clinic, and Fenris almost felt sorry for him. It was almost as though Anders was parading himself with Hawke before Fenris, as if Anders thought he was still winning and that Hawke would eventually come back to him. Pitiful!

Every touch he made on Hawke only made Fenris think back on what could have happened earlier today to Hawke. It made the veins on his neck and forearms strain and pulsate as Fenris imagined Anders forcing Hawke to -

"Will you stop that scowling?" Aveline sighed at Fenris.

"That depends if you're going to stop badgering me to do so." Fenris said through his teeth.

"Maker Fenris, you're such a child." Aveline shook her head, rolling her eyes. "If you're jealous about it, why not just tell Hawke?"

'That is unnecessary," Fenris looked away. "And it is not Hawke I am worried about."

"It's about Anders, then?" Aveline said quietly as she bit into her bread. "You always think he's up to something, but he's not!"

"You have no idea." Fenris muttered.

"Come on, are you honestly going to sulk all night long? Maker, how did Hawke ever put up with this? How about we talk about something else for once?"

"I'm in no mood for talk." Fenris said as he took a huge gulp of his drink.

"Well, I'm not one for talking either, but this is supposed to be a happy event, so let's not be downers. Hawke wouldn't like that." Aveline smiled and then tried to start a new topic with him. "So I was surprised when I heard Donnic say he had a fun time with you the other day. I wonder, since when do you talk with my husband?"

"He comes to the mansion once a week; we play diamondback." Fenris explained dully.

"What? Why am I not invited to these games?" Aveline frowned.

"Is it not obvious?" Fenris looked up at her. "He says you get angry when you lose."

"I do not! I never…." Aveline stopped to think about it for a few seconds and Fenris looked on in amusement. "Well… All right, perhaps I do. Still, that's no reason not to tell me!"

At this point, Isabela, who had been eavesdropping unintentionally, poked her head closer to Aveline and chuckled, saying: "Perhaps your dearest husband longed for less masculine companionship?"

"… Less masculine?" Fenris frowned at Isabela.

"Shut up, whore." Aveline said hotly, and then turned back to Fenris. "Fine, fine. You two have your 'man time', then."

"Perhaps you ought to take this as a sign, Aveline," Hawke added, turning towards Fenris and flashing him a more light smile. It instantly melted his heart. "Maybe it's time for you to have some girl time," Hawke suggested to Aveline.

"I… I don't think that's a good idea." The guard-captain said, shuffling uncomfortably in her armor. "I am not one for… frilly things."

Hawke chuckled. "You are being presumptuous, oh dear Guard Captain. We don't have to go shopping. It could just be a few quick sparring matches. Just the three of us girls; doesn't that sound like fun, Isabela?"

"Unless your matches involve some fun wrestling in the mud and rain, count me out." Isabela shook her head, turning back to Sebastian. "Oh, do you like that idea, prince?" She smirked.

"Isabela, get off him." Aveline protested. "Sebastian, you don't have to just sit there. You can push her off you anytime, you know. Would you like me to do it for you?"

"Oh, but he _doesn't want that, now does he?_" Isabela purred. "He wants to hear more about us girls … wrestling outside… in the mud… getting all our clothes dirty and wet…"

"Isabela!"

"I most certainly am _not _wrestling you in the mud," Hawke told her.

Even Fenris had to admit, a part of him wanted to second Isabela's idea.

"A shame, then," Isabela winked. "Hey, what happened to all the booze?"

"You drank it all…" Aveline rolled her eyes.

"I'll go get more." Hawke stood up from the table, carrying the empty mugs in her hands. "Now wait patiently and don't turn all bloody crazy on me, everyone. It'll just be a moment."

As Hawke stood, Fenris caught her taking in a long, deep breath. He knew she had felt cornered and stuck all evening, with Anders touching and rubbing her pointlessly. It came without saying that she probably needed some time to breathe. Fenris was certainly thankful to see her get away from Anders.

Meanwhile, Varric thanked Hawke and told her to put it on his tab as usual. As Hawke nodded and turned around to start down the stairs, the dwarf turned to Fenris and gave him a look, his head nudging towards Hawke as she walked away. Fenris hesitated a little, and then stood.

At the same moment, Anders also got out of his seat in attempt to follow Hawke.

But Fenris beat him to it.

In an instant, Fenris swiftly paced himself towards the doorway before Anders even managed to get near. Fenris held up his hand near Anders' chest, stopping the mage in place.

Fenris had enough of Anders blatant, shameless touching and flirting in attempt to get Hawke to pay attention to him all night. He was tired of having to feel that green rage monster within chew him inside out, and he was tired of having to look at Anders' pathetic, sniveling face. If he wasn't allowed to confess to Hawke _or _kill Anders, then he would at least allow himself _this_.

"Back off, mage." Fenris said in a low voice, his palm directly on Anders' chest. He was not afraid to let his lyrium markings glow a little.

"What is your problem?" Anders asked irritably, far too used to seeing Fenris light up. "Are you drunk already? Hawke can't possibly bring us all those mugs herself, she'll need help."

"I'll do it." Fenris said firmly.

"What does it matter?" Anders tried to ask casually.

"It matters to me." Fenris insisted angrily.

"Honestly, why are you trying so hard to compete with me? I'm just trying to help. Please move and turn your resentment towards me elsewhere. You're being childish."

"Look who's talking," Fenris snarled.

"I don't know what your problem is, and frankly I don't give a damn. I'm going to go help Hawke." Anders told him. "Move."

"You are not going to help her." Fenris growled. "I am. I don't want you near her for another moment, mage."

"You do not own her, Fenris." Anders said angrily. "Don't be stupid. Just because Hawke and I are on the rocks does not mean she is yours. I can still be friends with her."

"You are no friend of Hawke's," Fenris retorted. "You're going to stay here and _I'm_ going to go help her. I'm not going to let you hurt her again, not after-"

"Or what?" Anders' eyes flashed like lightning at Fenris, daring the elf to make his move. "Will you pull out my heart like you've done to all the others, you monster?"

"I am not the monster." Fenris said, pressing his palm against Anders more firmly. "I did not hurt Hawke or make her cry as much as you did."

"_She _broke up with _me,_" Anders said angrily. "But I still love her. We share a mutual feeling that you can't ever understand. Now get out of my way!"

For a moment, Fenris wondered what would happen if Anders found out that Fenris knew about his insane plot. Would the mage hurt because he would assume Hawke had broken her promise to him? Yes, that would shatter him…

Yet, at the same time that would only serve to give Anders the incentive he needed to kill everyone. Maker, why couldn't Varric and Isabela just let him kill the bloody mage and be done with it? Just one plunge through his heart could solve everything! The idea was flawless, and so simple!

"I don't need to understand." Fenris replied, frowning. "Your feelings are as fake as a desire demon's."

Anders glared at Fenris. "Who are you to tell me-"

"Hold on, hold on, boys." Varric told them from the table. "Let's settle down. Blondie, why not just let Broody go help Hawke? I think she and you need a break if you are to… patch things up. I'd suggest you take things slow and give her time."

Fenris turned to Varric, still frowning.

Was the dwarf giving advice to the mage, or was he helping Fenris protect Hawke? Or was he merely trying to break up this potential fight? Whichever it was, Fenris felt naturally unhappy about this. He longed to crush Anders' heart….

_But Hawke - Hawke wouldn't want that._

Fenris grimaced at the idea of holding back his burning desire to end the life before him, all for the sake of the woman he loved. The mage was lucky.

Anders didn't move, but Fenris lowered his hand from his chest as his markings returned to normal. The mage let out a long exhale. He didn't say anything, but after a few moments he chose to sit back down with the rest of the gang in defeat.

A part of Fenris' heart sank in disappointment while the other half roared triumphantly as he turned to go down to the bar, where he found Hawke trying to juggle the mugs by herself.

"Let me help." Fenris told her, grabbing a tipping mug from her left hand. "You could have asked for help if you couldn't handle it."

"I could've done it," She muttered.

"Must you be so stubborn?"

"Who are you to call me stubborn?" She smirked, flashing him a heart-warming smile.

As they weaved their way through the crowds, a few Kirkwall citizens stopped Hawke in attempt to gain some favor with their Champion and make merry, making her and Fenris linger a little before returning up the stairs to their friends. At least their mugs of ale remained untouched.

She sighed as they reached the top stair.

"Are you feeling alright, Hawke?"

"Yes, Fenris. I just…" She paused, stopping in her tracks, and let out a deep sigh. "This is just really hard for me. Everything seems really awkward and I wanted to get away for a second. Just to breathe, you know?"

"Is it Anders?" Fenris asked, frowning. "If he is bothering you, I can-"

"Don't, Fenris." Hawke pleaded. "I don't… I don't want the trouble, or the drama. I've had enough of it as it is."

"Hawke," Fenris stopped walking and Hawke nearly bumped into him. He turned around to face her. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"It's nothing to worry about, Fenris. It's… perfectly normal to be like this when you break up. I mean, remember us?" She laughed nervously. "I just… I just don't think Anders is going to be over me for a while. He's pretty shaken up by it, especially when I visited him today…"

"And you?" He had to ask, just to hear the words from Hawke herself.

"I…" She smiled to herself suddenly, as if something good that Fenris was unaware of had happened today. "I actually think I'm moving on faster than he is."

Was she being genuine? It seemed so. This was the first he had heard of it though. Perhaps after she had returned from the clinic, Hawke had done some deep thinking? Had she finally started moving forward? That would have made Fenris heart soar.

"That is good to hear," He nodded.

"Good for you, perhaps," She giggled. "Don't get too hopeful, now!"

"I make no promises," Fenris chuckled.

It felt strange to be laughing away when minutes ago Fenris had almost ripped out Anders' intestines in front of their comrades. But he could not help but feel more relaxed in Hawke's presence, even more so when they were alone. Of course, her telling him that she was moving on from Anders made her heart flutter and his stomach twist. He wanted to believe that she was saying this to make him feel better. The look on her face as she stared blankly at the ground told him that she was reminiscing about the past, but strangely enough it was in a good way. Perhaps Hawke _really had_ finally seen the light and decided that the abomination was not worth her time at all.

"I suppose it'll be good for us, then." Hawke said as they stood before the top of the stairs, both holding mugs for their waiting friends. Yet neither of them were ready to go back. "I thought that I would never be ready for anything too serious after Anders, but I think today was the first day I actually feel better than I have in the past month, ironically enough."

"Why is that?" Fenris asked.

For Maker's sake, she almost got raped by that monster this afternoon. How in the world did she find the time to feel better than she had in the past month? Was this just something she was telling herself to ease the trauma? Should Fenris be worried?

"I don't know," she shrugged. "But trust me, Fenris. I'm not just saying this. I just… I had a sudden realization is all."

"About?"

She smiled. "I'll tell you another time." She winked. "For now, I can just tell you that… it's been a tough month. But after today, I think I'll feel a lot better."

"Even with Anders here today?" Fenris asked. Just thinking about Anders sliding his hand up her arm was making his twitch. He had to struggle not to spill the drinks.

"I'll admit that he _is _acting strange…" She looked up and saw the fuming face Fenris was making. "Please Fenris, don't be like that. I know you mean well, but Anders is just confused and needs consoling. I'm not saying that I'm going to go back to him if he asks, so you don't need to worry about that. But I _do _want to make sure he is in the right mind. Can't you at least try to understand?"

Fenris frowned.

Firstly, Anders had already tried to get back together with Hawke today. Secondly, Anders was certainly _not _in the right mind…

"I still want to help Anders. He needs my help and I'm the closest person he's had since… well, since he came to Kirkwall." Hawke continued. "I know you're peeved at him, Fenris. I see you shooting him angry glares from the end of the table. Granted, I'll admit that Anders is being a bit too touchy-feely, but… " She stopped, and then looked at Fenris, pausing. "… It's really bothering you, isn't it?"

"Are you asking me to be honest with you, Hawke?" Fenris asked.

"Yes?" She looked at him hopefully.

"I ..." He looked at her big, round, leafy eyes. Just her caring stare was enough to make him confess: "I… I don't want him near you. I don't like him sitting next to you, and I don't like seeing him touch you when it is unwanted. It is uncomfortable to see you like this. I don't think you know how awkward this feels, not just for you."

"I'm sorry." She looked down at the ground in embarrassment. "I don't mean for this to happen…"

Fenris shook his head. "It is not your fault. Granted, I realize that you and he are working things out, I will not allow it for a second time. Next time, I will tear his arms from their sockets."

"No need for that, Fenris." She replied frantically. He couldn't tell if she was holding back a smile or not. "I promise it won't be like this again."

"It won't be like this _ever _again if only you'd allow me to tear his-"

"How about this then?" She smiled, cutting him off before he could finish. She probably knew what he was about to suggest anyway. "After this, every time we come here to drink or hang out, I'll sit near you instead. Deal?"

"Do not proceed to treat me like a child, Hawke." Fenris frowned. "I'm not-"

"No deal then?" She asked. "I guess I'll just continue sitting near-"

"No!" Fenris exclaimed before he could stop himself from sounding like a fool. "We have a deal! I agree! I agree!" He said hastily.

Hawke smirked, and Fenris let out a deep exhale.

"I win."

"_Festis__ bei umo canavarum_." He muttered as they continued down the corridor to their friends. "You will be the death of me, woman."

"Please try to be nice." She said as they neared the doorway.

"If he tries anything funny with you…"

"I've been ignoring him all night, haven't I?" She told Fenris. "Don't worry so much."

And then she leaned over quickly… and pecked Fenris on the cheek.

It was just a split second, and was over in a flash. It even took Fenris a few seconds to register what had even happened. By that time, Hawke was already in the room, chatting with Varric and setting down their drinks.

Damn… that woman!

With just that one peck on the cheek… Fenris' heart was instantly filled with a burning desire and passion, and his head filled with thoughts that ought not to be there at a time like this. His stomach filled with unneeded butterflies, and he longed to pull Hawke in for a second embrace for tonight. Damn that woman!

He trailed in after her, placing their mugs on the table. Although he and Anders stared at each other coldly as he rejoined the rest of their friends, the happiness Fenris just felt seconds ago was enough to contain his angry and diminish the number of frowns and scowls he would dish out for the rest of that evening.

The mage ignored Fenris' cold stare and instead greeted Hawke with a touch on the arm. As he did this, Fenris sat down, his lips biting back another growl. But he caught Hawke's gaze from across the table and decided to try his best to keep his angry looks and glares to himself for the remainder of the evening.

They played Wicked Grace and Diamondback like usual, and Fenris could tell that a part of Hawke was glad to have things return to semi-normal. Anders coming back was a welcome change, and everyone was having more fun than usual. Fenris was the only one that didn't care for the mage, of course. Even Isabela, who Fenris told the truth, was acting in her usual character (the alcohol must have helped a great deal though).

* * *

Hours later, the pirate wench and Sebastian had became entangled with each other on one chair beside Fenris, which he welcomed beside him by rolling his eyes. All throughout their fifth game, Varric and Fenris tossed each other glances and smirks in anticipation for who would win their bet on how long it would take Isabela to bed Sebastian. The prince had started to touch the pirate back, unable to ward off her advances. He would place his hand on her hip and thighs occasionally, a little shy for being a Chantry boy who had given up promiscuity for so long. But still, Sebastian did not touch anywhere inappropriate, which Fenris knew disappointed Isabela.

Surprisingly enough, Anders had remained relatively quiet for this latter half of the night. In fact, he had also ceased his touching at Hawke's arms and legs. This might have had something to do with the fact that Anders had tried to massage her shoulders gently an hour ago, and Hawke had slowly brushed off his hands in attempt to get him to stop without actually telling him to do so. The mage then looked on towards Hawke like a lost puppy who had just experienced the ultimate rejection.

When this happened, Fenris couldn't help holding back on smiling like a fool for a few seconds, and Hawke seemed more than pleased to have Anders off of her for the most part. With his incessant touching stopped, she even started to talk to Anders as any normal friend would instead of ignoring his remarks as she had for the past four hours. But ultimately Anders would remain to himself, and if Fenris didn't know any better he would have to say that the mage was sulking… or perhaps even brooding.

After about the seventh round of cards, most of the party was tired, bored, or half asleep. When they yawned in unison, they all knew it was time to turn in for the night. Isabela was the only one who was still up for some late partying. Even Sebastian, who she had hung around all evening, was tired. Varric smirked at Fenris as Sebastian got up to leave the pub.

All except Varric and Isabella made their way to the lower bar. Sebastian was feeling slightly woozy, so Hawke stopped him before they reached the door and sat him down at one of the unoccupied tables, asking the barmaid to fetch him some water. Fenris, tying his sword on his back, turned to see Anders talking to Hawke as they waited for Sebastian to sober up.

"Are you sure?" Hawke was saying. "We could all go together, if you preferred."

Her voice seemed genuine, but her eyes said otherwise.

Anders shook his head, probably catching the reluctance in her eyes. "I need to get going anyway." He smiled sadly, turning to the door which promptly opened, letting in a rush of cold air over half the customers at the bar.

Meanwhile, Hawke was still trying to get Sebastian on his feet. Fenris had no idea what he could do to help - The Chantry man ought to have known his limits. Fenris certainly wasn't keen on the idea of letting Sebastian puke his guts out all over him. He had shared in that experience one too many times, and did not care much for Sebastian's intoxicated state on bit. In addition, Isabela had stumbled down to try helping the prince as well.

Of course, Isabela was suggesting that instead of taking Sebastian to his room at the inn in Hightown Hawke should just leave the Starkhaven prince in the pirate's private room upstairs instead. Hawke frowned when Isabela said this and refused to let Isabela take advantage of the prince. The two women argued over which to do, for Hawke had more a responsibility for the prince than the pirate.

Fenris shook his head at them, not bothering to join the argument between the women, although in all honesty Sebastian looked like he might just have to stay at the Hanged Man tonight. If he _did _stay at the pub tonight though, Sebastian would have no chance against Isabela, and Fenris would have won his bet. Smirking, the elf just stood against the wall, waiting for the girls to decide.

But then a sudden thought came to him as he observed the rest of the pub. He found himself delighted in the thought that just occurred to him. It was something he should have done, something he felt he needed to do that he should have done minutes ago before Anders left.

Fenris paused, watching other customers leave the pub, the door swinging behind them. He looked back at the girls again and watched as they bickered at the table. Fenris hesitated, but seconds later slipped out the same door, pacing himself through Lowtown until he trailed closely behind a certain mage.

* * *

For being in the spring season, the night air was unusually cold. Kirkwall certainly did well in terms of trying to hold onto the tiniest remnants of winter.

Anders trudged slowly through the dirt alone, deep in thought.

_She no longer needs you. She doesn't care anymore._

_What did you expect, after what you tried today? Quit fooling yourself._

He knew that he had made a mistake. A part of him wished he hadn't tried anything so stupid. If he hadn't tried to force Hawke into being with him again, would she have acted differently tonight? Perhaps he would still have stood a chance. But not anymore.

Hawke ignored his every caress; his every touch to her was like a plague. The realization that she was not going to give him another chance came to him slowly and painfully that evening. A part of him died with this repeated denial and rejection, especially when Hawke had brushed his hands away like they were a nuisance. Little by little, Anders faded away into his own thoughts, leaving only an empty shell to play cards with his friends.

He wanted to be alone. He wanted to think. He longed to be alone with Hawke again to correct all that he had done wrong that afternoon. He wanted to tell Hawke that-

"We need to talk."

The sudden voice interrupting his thoughts was enough to make him jump.

Anders turned and instantly frowned.

His fist curled up and he held onto his staff all the more tightly.

Fenris.

What the fuck did the elf want?

Hadn't he ruined the evening for him already by spouting off poisonous words to Hawke? Hadn't he tried to create a scene when Anders was trying to help? This jealous ass now had the guts to come looking for him? The mage was already devastated and depressed enough. If he was going to get any more shit from Fenris, he might just be stupid enough to fight the elf.

"What do you want?" Anders replied dully.

"I want you to leave Hawke alone." Fenris said darkly. "She's made a decision, so unless you want to see your heart in my palm, I suggest you leave her alone."

"We already talked about this; I associate with whom I please," Anders gritted his teeth. "Who are you to tell me to stay away from her anyway?"

"I know what's best for her right now, and it's definitely _not you_," Fenris said in a low, dangerous tone. "I'm warning you - stay away from her."

"What are you, her lap dog?" Anders scoffed, walking the opposite direction.

"I will not let you hurt her again!"

"And who are you to stop me?" Anders glared at him. "I _love _Hawke. You have no idea what love even feels like. You've never experienced it."

"You keep saying that, but I don't see your relationship going anywhere."

"Oh, and I suppose yours will be all rainbows and sunshine then." Anders remarked sarcastically. "Not all relationships are perfect. Hawke and I will work out our differences, so don't interfere. I'm warning you. You have no right to talk about Hawke like you love her when you don't even know what you're talking about."

"Do not talk as if you know me," Fenris snarled. "I care more about Hawke than you ever could. I've been protecting her before you ever laid hands on her."

"Oh, then I guess that's why she came running to me, huh?" Anders smirked.

"Don't be a fool. She came to you because I-"

"Threw her away like she was a rag doll?" Anders laughed. "You never loved her! You don't even know what love is. You're a beast, you'll never change you-"

_Thud._

Anders hit the dirt so fast that his head spun and everything around him turned bright red and fogged up in an instant. His head hit the brick wall behind him like a heavy weight. In fact, he could have sworn his head hit the rough facade with a loud _crack_ noise. All he could think of the second he regained consciousness was how thankfully he was for there to have been grass nearby. That, and how painful his jaw hurt. Because of the damned elf's spiky armor, his lip was bleeding.

Anders sat up, rubbing his hand over the back of his skull, thankful that there was no blood gushing out from the back of his head.

He glared at Fenris. So … the elf wanted to play.

* * *

Fenris looked back at Anders in fury. He had been holding back on that one.

It was true; Hawke came running to Anders because Fenris pushed her away. In a sense, Fenris himself was responsible for her pain indirectly. Yet somehow having the words come out from Anders' mouth just didn't seem right. That was why the elf couldn't contain himself and smashed Anders' jaw as hard as he could. Maker knows he could have done far worse. Fenris was only disappointed that he hadn't punched Anders hard enough to dislocate his jaw.

"Still the temperamental brute, I see." Anders said as he stood up, dusting his sleeves. "You just proved me right, Fenris. You haven't changed a bit."

"I'd be careful if I were you, abomination." Fenris warned his frown ever so heavy.

"Stop calling me that."

"Was it not you yourself who coined that term?" Fenris asked. "I find it funny that you would be so quick to withdraw your words now, mage. Being spontaneous and retreating like cowards at the last minute seemed very much a characteristic of all abominations."

"Shut up." Anders scowled. "And why don't you just go ahead and call me an 'abomination' in a louder tone? I don't think everyone in their beds heard you. You're angry at me for breaking her heart, I take it? Then go ahead - hit me more. Just get it over with."

Yes, Fenris wanted to beat the living shit out of Anders, but he also knew better than to lose control. Fenris didn't want to put Hawke at risk, or divulge what he knew about the circumstances of Hawke's break-up. Not yet, at least. He was just here to give this stupid mage a warning.

But still, the punch felt good.

Maybe ripping out Anders' heart might feel even better.

"I am not a fool." Fenris said after a short pause (though he had half a mind to consider Anders' proposal). "I would not be so quick to sully Hawke's reputation for your sake, mage."

"Too late for that now," Anders fired back.

"I could easily rip out your heart, mage." Fenris warned. "I could rip it out for you to see with your own eyes! But … I will not give you that satisfaction. You are just like all the other maleficar and you will never change. I should have known better than to let Hawke wander into your clutches..."

"Quit acting as though you care for her." Anders said angrily.

"I care for her much more than you." Fenris retorted. "And I have done more than enough to prove it."

"Clearly," Ander replied sarcastically.

"Do you think yourself better than me? Do you see yourself as harmless, then? An abomination that would never harm someone else?"

"Like, for example, ripping someone's heart out of his chest?" Ander replied with the same fuming sparks in his eyes, ready to lash out.

"I did that at the behest of no demon." Fenris snarled.

"Not all mages are as weak as you think!"

"Speak for yourself." Fenris replied.

"I'll prove to you that I'm not weak," Anders said with absolution.

"Prove it to yourself. You're convincing no one else." Fenris replied, his hand around the handle of his sword as he watched the mage cautiously.

"So help me…"

Anders could not control it any longer.

He was about to lunge for Fenris when the sound of laughing came from behind them, followed by very familiar voices. Both men sheathed their weapons almost immediately.

* * *

**A/N:** Double updating, all the way! (lol) Consider it a present for not updating sooner. I'm having a trouble with beta reading, and I'm sort of impatient when it comes to betas (is 2 weeks time too long or too short for editing a 20k chapter? I'm no expert when it come to these things). Anyways, if I ever get my chapters back, I might update these to the revision editions.

Fun trivia for you guys: Chapter 25 and 26 were ONE chapter I had written together. But somehow, having a 20k word chapter seemed like overkill, so I cut it into two chapters instead. I posted them together though, so it's kind of pointless. I just wanted to have a somewhat equal word count for my chapters because I'm OCD like that.

Anyways, I just checked the stats to this story and I've almost got 100 followers! Hooray! You guys are the best! You rock!

And as usual, I want to know your opinions, your ideas, your thoughts on these two chapters!

What do you think should happen? Is the story going the way you thought? What would you like to see next?

Help me stay focused and motivated and I'll write more often! Review and I'll write faster and longer pieces! **Remember, I look forward to reading every comment!**

Thanks! - ADL


	27. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Sorry for the long delay, guys! I've been really busy lately with my shop on etsy, and I've really just got too many things I want to do!

Anyways, the next chapter will be up shortly, so I've very sorry for the one-month delay. Unfortunately, I'm still having trouble with betas, so I might just scrap that idea for now. Fortunately, I haven't given up on this story, and I still think about part of it that will be coming in the future: the arrival of my Cousland royalty, Fenris and Hawke finally getting back together (expect lemon and smut galore!), Danarius' grand arrival, and the very end of this long story!

So stay tuned and thank you for the continued support! You ideas are always welcome. (Feed my brain with your inspirational ideas! Rawr!~)  
Again, sorry for the delay. The next chapter should be up sometime this week! I promise!

-ADL


	28. Cousland and Hawke

**Summary: **After finding out Anders lied and betrayed her, Hawke breaks up with him and refuses to talk to him at all. During this time, she reconciles with Fenris and they confess their feelings towards each other once more. But Hawke wants to take things slow because she still feels heartache for Anders. When her friends tell her that she shouldn't treat Anders with such distance, she is afraid to tell them the truth: that Anders plotted to blow up the Chantry and start a full-scale war. Instead, Hawke tries her best to talk to Anders again, but it nearly raped by him when Anders loses control. Fenris overhears all this going on, and feel conflicted on what to do. However, that didn't stop him from wanting to give Anders a thrashing. Without Hawke's knowledge, the two men prepare to duke it out in the alleys, but are interrupted by a woman's voice...

* * *

**Chapter 27: Cousland and Hawke**

* * *

"Really now, that sounds just like her!"

The voice in the distance grew louder. It was a woman's tone - gentle but chirpy, and very noble and refined. One glance at the other end of the road was enough for any sleuth to figure out from whom the voice came.

A tall, slender lady walked down the Lowtown streets wearing a fine suit of leather armor. Each footstep she made was light as a feather, and she carried a heavy longbow on her back with a short dagger clipped at her thigh. Her eyelids were colored in the faintest teal color and her eyelashes not overdone and caked with makeup. She was clad with buckles, belts, and a turquoise corset made of the richest of brocades. Her armor gleamed like it was new and pristine, but the style was not of Kirkwall fashion or Orlesian design. The look in her eyes suggested this strange woman had seen many a battle, perhaps even more than Fenris and Anders combined. It was evident that she came from close proximity of the Free Marches. The first indication of this was not her fancy corset or Antivan boots, but rather her elegant and high-class Fereldan accent.

But that was not what gave away her identity at first glance. If her voice was not enough, the group of five guards behind her surely indicated her status and land of origin. Her men were all clad in dragonbone armor, ten times as sturdy as what you would normally find around Kirkwall, and all bore the Ferelden sigil on their chestplates. Two of her soldiers near the back held long poles with triangle flags at the top, as if it weren't already clear that this lady was royalty.

"This seems just like the type of place she would frequent! Such fun!" The cheery woman giggled, quite pleased with herself as she pressed her hands together gleefully.

"Your Highness, perhaps it would be wise for us to search the place out for you first?" Her bodyguard suggested. "This looks to be a rather … dirty, if I may say so myself. It would be best for us to go in first. Besides, this is a rather lowly place for someone of your stand-"

"Nonsense." She cut in with a chuckle. "Any trouble we'll find in a bar is nothing I can't handle. You know that. Don't be such a spoilsport."

Her voice sounded oddly familiar, and the cockiness seemed almost like…

"But, you highness-"

"Oh, move along and just stand outside if you must follow me around town." She said, rolling her eyes and pushing her bodyguards outside to proceed into the Hanged Man. "Don't be ridiculous! If you think I can't handle a few – wait, Anders? Is that you?"

As she turned to walk into the tavern, her eyes caught from afar the blond apostate whose hands now loosened around his staff as he bowed and smiled upon her approach.

"Do my eyes deceive me, or are you really Anders? I believe we traveled together and met during my stay in Amaranthine, or am I mistaken?"

Anders sheathed his weapon behind him and fell into a short, humble bow before her. "You are not mistaken. It is me. Though I must say, it's been awhile. I can't imagine seeing you here, of all places." He greeted as she neared. His voice was oddly sheepish and nervous, Fenris noted.

"Oh, I had no idea this was where you were! You look so different!"

Fenris stood there, not knowing what to do. He frowned. This woman was an acquaintance of the mage's? Who was she? Even the elf had to admit that this royal Fereldan seemed intriguing. She knew Anders? They had traveled together? Fenris knew Anders was popular with the ladies (though he had no idea why), but from what circumstance could that blasted mage have met a woman of such stature? She was no some common woman, and she certainly sounded surprised, although whether or not she was happy to see Anders had yet to be seen.

"Well, you know…" Anders shifted his feet uncomfortably. "I've been around."

"Apparently." She smirked. "You look a lot thinner than you used to be."

"Well, being on the run constantly can do that to you." He muttered quietly.

"This is too much a coincidence! I'd almost think it was blood magic!"

Fenris tensed up at these words; Anders didn't comment.

"Say, you wouldn't happen to be here with Isabela, would you?" She turned, smiling at Anders.

"Isabela? Yes, I know her…" Anders blinked, his voice nervous still.

The woman sighed and rolled her eyes, gently patting Anders on the shoulder. "Oh, don't be so nervous, Anders. There's no need to be so tense: I'm not here on behalf of the Wardens to drag you back by your neck."

"You... aren't?" Anders blinked once, then twice, and then finally let out a deep sigh of relief, as if a big, tense boulder had just been lifted from his shoulders. "You could have said that right from the beginning, you know! I was starting to worry!" He remarked.

Fenris frowned. Apparently, the mage had been worried because this woman was once a member of the Grey Wardens with him? Which meant that she was...

"You? Worry? That is not an idea I'm too familiar with, I must say! You were always running around like the casanova you were!" She laughed in a harmonious tone before turning to Fenris, who stood a few feet away from them, his sword completely sheathed now. "And who might this be?"

Fenris did not answer. He did not know what to say. Somehow, introducing himself to a higher-up stranger from Ferelden seemed like a horrible idea. He had no connection to her. For all he knew, she could be a slaver, or some bounty hunter. He had no idea what her intentions were and what she was capable of. As per his standard routine, Fenris was not too keen on telling this outsider much regarding himself. He didn't care if she was a Grey Warden or not.

Anders looked at Fenris and then back towards the Grey Warden before him, speechless and caught off guard for a moment: "Um… well, he's my…"

"A friend?" She asked, completely unaware.

"Not exactly." Fenris replied before Anders could get a word out of his mouth. There was no way he was letting the mage talk as though they were on good terms when nothing could be far from the truth. He was sick of Anders' lies, and did not intend to get caught up in one of them.

"We're... acquaintances." Anders said, quite awkwardly.

"Oh. I see." She smirked suddenly. "Were you fighting? Did I interrupt? I'm terribly sorry if I did. You're welcome to continue on if you'd prefer."

"I'd rather not." Fenris replied cautiously, eying her guards.

"Well, that's too bad." She shook her head, smiling. "And here I was, prepared to watch and lay down my bets."

Fenris blinked once. Then twice. He suddenly realized why he found this woman intriguing: Her joking attitude and charismatic voice not only resembled Hawke's, but to a certain extent, she also reminded him of Varric and Isabela. He didn't know whether to laugh or shudder. What a strange image!

"No, it's uh… we weren't…"

"It is done. We can continue later." Fenris spoke up, glaring at the Anders. His opportunity to off the mage or inflict any physical pain on him had been lost. It was far too late now. He certainly wasn't going to kill Anders before the Fereldan guard... or whatever they were called over there.

"So you're... acquaintances?" She asked slowly, as if trying to process the words. "Or perhaps friends? Friends who like to fight?"

For a moment, Fenris was taken aback by her strange comment. Friends? With Anders, no less! It was peculiar enough a human would assume that an elf and mage were accomplices, but to think that they were friends? How odd indeed! Normally, Fenris would assume that others saw him as just another slave, perhaps even the slave of a mage like Anders. But this woman assumed at first glance that Fenris was a free man.

"Sort of." Anders answered her, shuffling his feet.

"No." Fenris glowered. Did Anders just say they were friends? Fenris wanted to laugh at the idea. Nothing could be further from the truth.

She giggled.

Fenris looked at the woman before him inquisitively. What did she find so funny?

"Tell me, ser elf, what is your name?" She asked politely.

There it was again. She caught him off guard. What did she need his name for? Why did she speak to him with such high regard? Could she not see that he was an elf?

"Fenris." He replied. Common sense told Fenris to bow since she seemed like a prominent royal figure, but his lengthy time spent out of Tevinter and away from the magisters made him stubborn to the idea. He never wanted to bow down to anyone who didn't deserve such. He was not about to break his rule either; he didn't care who this woman was.

She didn't seem to mind, although a few of her guards gawked and frowned at him for his lack of respect. The woman herself didn't say a word about it, and merely smiled at him, extending her hand out in welcome. He hesitated for a second, but took it with his own and found her touch to be quite warm.

"Hello Fenris, pleased to meet you." She replied with a natural air of grace and charisma as she neared him with an outstretched hand. She smelled of lilies and her hazel eyes twinkled merrily towards him. "I am Alethea Elizabeth Cousland. I'm not sure if you've heard of me before, but I've come from Ferelden and I am looking for a beloved cousin of mine, Eden Marian Hawke. I hear she's become quite the celebrity here. Tell me, do you two know of her?"

Fenris blinked again. This woman… she was…

"_Know of her_? Are you joking?" Anders started. "We work with her all the time!"

Fenris held back on rolling his eyes. Stupid abomination. What was he trying to prove? Here Anders was, talking as though he had never been banished or shunned by Hawke for his less than respectable actions of late. If Lady Cousland knew of Anders' devious schemes and ghastly measures against her cousin, what would her reaction be, Fenris wondered?

"Truly? Why did you not speak up about it, Anders?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were related to Hawke. She didn't say anything to me about it." Anders said with an uneasy chuckle.

Fenris smirked a little. Of course Anders didn't know. He was not there when Hawke was telling the rest of them about it a few days ago - the same day Hawke had been urged on by Aveline to try patching things up with Anders. Anders wasn't there and didn't join them until a day later. The mage was clueless.

"Where is the king? Didn't he want to accompany you here?" Anders asked.

"Ha! Surely you jest, Anders! Alistair practically ushered me out the door as I was leaving! No doubt he's grown tired of me getting in his hair all the time!" She laughed. "My husband is a busy man, so I suppose a little relaxation is needed for the both of us. Besides, now things will be like old times, won't they?"

"If only." Anders smiled weakly.

"My cousin and I have a lot to catch up on! She has already given me the grave news of her family in her letters, and I can only imagine how much she has gone through since. Champion of Kirkwall, indeed! Hopefully, I will be able to help her to the best of my abilities!"

"I'm sure she would appreciate that." Anders smiled.

"Oh, why must you be so polite to me, Anders?" Cousland frowned. "We were once traveling companions as well, were we not? What's with the change in demeanor? Don't tell me you find me intimidating all of a sudden?" She joked.

Anders laughed. "No, of course not. It's just that it has been so long. I suppose being in the Free Marches has done a lot to me over the years. I had almost forgotten about the old days."

"Well, it's only been a few years! Come with me to greet her at this pub everyone keeps telling me about!" She marched, beckoning Anders and Fenris to follow. " What a small world we live in! I would love to catch up on all the good stories I've missed!"

"Then you're going to love Varric." Anders assured her. "He'll tell you all the stories you want, even the ones Hawke wouldn't want anyone to hear."

"Oh, but those are the best ones!"

Cousland laughed as she slipped each of her arms through Anders' and Fenris' and started skipping with them towards the pub door. Both men struggled to keep up with her pace and Cousland's guards followed them to the entrance.

Fenris couldn't help but find himself surprised.

This bubbly woman was the queen of Ferelden?

"I'm afraid I can't go with you." Anders said nervously, slithering away from her reach as they neared the door to the Hanged Man. "I just left to go back to my clinic. I have work to do, I'm afraid."

"Clinic?"

"I manage a clinic in Darktown, you see." He explained. "It's not a great and exciting lifestyle compared to the golden days, but I like doing it. I have work to keep me occupied most of the time, so I'm rather busy."

"Oh, I see." Cousland did not bother hiding her disappointment, but she smiled nonetheless as Anders started walking the opposite direction. "I will see you again though, I assume?"

"Certainly, my lady." Anders nodded as he started walking away. "If Hawke needs me, I'll be around." He told her.

Fenris rolled his eyes and turned away.

Cousland's arm was still looped through his own, and he didn't know whether to let her drag him back to the pub or to try shoving her off of him. She _was _Queen of Ferelden, after all. And on top of that, Hawke's cousin.

Still, for a woman of such high stature Alethea Cousland seemed like a rather hyperactive and touchy person. Half of him was eager to see how similar Hawke and her cousin were (it seemed political charisma and greatness ran in her family), but the other half of him just wanted to call it a day and go home. Fenris had a feeling that if he stayed with Hawke any more than he had to, he wouldn't be able to contain himself and he'd have to tell her what he'd overheard. His ability to dwell on the past and brood over things over great lengths never ceased. The boiling rage within him was just starting to die down too.

"Well, shall we?" Cousland smiled, turning to the door. Her guards tried to follow, but she shot them a look that told them to stay outside instead.

Fenris turned to speak to the queen beside him but before he was able to make a decision, he found himself being whisked away through the doors of the Hanged Man once more. The familiar sound of chatter wrapped around them, and the smell of alcohol, sweat, and Maker-knows-what-else permeated the air.

Cousland didn't seem to mind it one bit.

"Now, where is that cousin of mine?" She said, squinting around to see in through the crowds.

"She was here just a few minutes ago." He told her, pointing to the table where he had left Hawke and Isabela to deal with an intoxicated Sebastian.

"Well, I don't see her anywhere. Hmm…" She looked around as though she were a sailor, and quickly continued down the steps with her hand around Fenris' arm, dragging him along as if he were a rag doll. For a skinny woman, she had a rather strong grip.

"Is that…?" He heard the surprise in her voice and turned to where she was looking - the bar.

Isabela stood near the counter, her back turned towards them. Before her stood a trembling stranger, a man who had been backed into the wall by the pirate, whose blade was no longer sheathed at her thigh but instead held high above his chest, nearly inches away from his throat. Isabela's arm had him twisted in the most uncomfortable manner, with his face smashed against the cold stone wall of the pub. A group of bystanders looked on as the fight neared its end.

"What is going on here?" Cousland asked under her breath. Normally you'd expect this kind of scene to make a queen rather flabbergasted, but Cousland's tone of voice suggested that she was anything but. In fact, if Fenris knew her better he would even say she was excited.

"No doubt Isabela's gone and pissed off the wrong people again." He replied quietly. "That pirate's always getting herself into trouble." He muttered.

"Isabela?" Cousland became even more excited at the mention of her name. "Could this truly be the same Isabela I knew back in Ferelden?" She exclaimed.

Fenris didn't need to answer. At this point, Isabela turned towards them. The pirate's eyes bulged out so wide that Fenris thought they were likely to pop out from their sockets. As the pirate walked swiftly to greet them, Fenris took the opportunity to slip his arm away from Cousland's. He wasn't much for clingy women, especially ones he just met.

"Isabela?"

"Well! My lady Cousland!" Isabela grinned as she pulled Cousland in for an embrace. "What are you doing here? I thought Hawke said you wouldn't be here for another week!"

"Did she?"

"Well, now that I think of it, she never specified a time, I suppose." Isabela looked thoughtful for a second. "But the earlier the better! How about I treat you to a pint, mate?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Fenris asked. "I mean, she's-"

"Oh hush, Fenris. Let the woman enjoy herself here!" Isabela brushed him off. "It's time for her to relax! It's time for fun!"

"You two know each other as well?" Cousland asked. "Oh, what am I saying? You probably work together with Anders and Hawke! My, what a small world!" What were the chances?"

Fenris did not move from where he stood, but a frown did form on his face at the mention of Anders again. Fenris was not working _with Anders_. Anders was working _with them_. The mage was in no position greater than the rest of them and Fenris did not take kindly to the phrasing of Cousland's words. Of course, she had not intended to imply that Anders was better than Fenris, but at this point anything related to the mage was enough to tick the elf off.

"Where is she anyway? That cousin of mine better be up for some drinking and long nights talking with me!"

"Hawke's a busy woman." Isabela smirked as the two walked over to the bar. Fenris didn't know whether to follow or leave. "What with everything in the city falling apart... Fenris, don't try to leave! Join us!"

"Yes, ser elf, join us!" Cousland smiled.

Fenris frowned. "Where's Hawke?"

"Oh, don't worry yourself. She's with Sebastian upstairs."

"She's _what?!_" He grimaced, glaring at the pirate.

"Relax. She and Varric are trying to get him to go to bed."

"What's going on?" Cousland looked at the two, confused and intrigued. A mischievous smirk crept across her face that reminded Fenris of Hawke's devious smile.

"One of our companions had himself too much to drink. Hawke's putting him upstairs in my room until he sobers up tomorrow." Isabela replied in a dejected manner. "I was so close to getting my hands around him too, but Hawke's such a spoilsport."

_"Telling on me won't help your case, Isabela!"_

Hawke's voice came around with a loud harshness to it. They turned and saw their leader with her hands on her hips and her brows furrowed towards the pirate.

"My cousin comes here to see me and what do you proceed to do? Tell on me to her! Why, you're no better than my mother, Isabela!" Hawke exclaimed in an overly-dramatic, obviously faked anger. A smile crept upon her face as she tried to hold back her glee.

"Eden!" Cousland promptly popped off her stool to greet her cousin.

Compared to Hawke, the Fereldan queen was far taller and more slender. She didn't even need the heels on her boots to show that. On the other hand, Hawke's body had more form and fleshed out more. However, their smiles were quite similar, and from what Fenris saw Cousland seemed like quite the jovial lady. There was definitely a strong family resemblance.

"Alethea!" Hawke beamed. "I didn't know you would come so soon! You weren't due to be in the city for another week! I hadn't even properly prepared for this!"

"I had free time." Cousland shrugged. "Of course, had I known you were harboring all my old friends, I would have come sooner!"

"So I've heard." Hawke replied. "Isabela often boasts about how you two knew each other a long time ago."

"We did more than 'get to know each other', Hawke." Isabela winked.

Fenris rolled his eyes.

"Isabela!" Hawke exclaimed. "You _do _realize this is my cousin we're talking to, don't you? I don't want to hear about those kinds of things! I already told you!"

"But I want to talk about it!" Isabela whined. "I have all these spectacular stories just waiting, begging to be told, Hawke! You _always _storytime cock-block me!"

"That's because all your stories involve you having sex with someone I already know!" Hawke argued. "Honestly, does the phrase 'too much information' _ever _cross your mind?" Hawke's hands were at her hips, but she still had a smile on her face. She was enjoying this.

"Story-telling, eh? I haven't had the time for some good, old-fashioned campfire tales since the Blight was ended. Sounds like quite the fun time, waiting to be had." Cousland chuckled. "I haven't had any decent 'girl time' for a while now either. Being a Queen _does _take it's toll on you, I'll tell you! Oh, but why not save that boring old stuff for another time? Eden and I are more sisters than cousins, really. I'm not sure if you know, Bela, but we were fairly close as children. Eden, Bethany, and I used to write to each other all the time. I have no doubt she wouldn't want to hear about her cousin and her companions getting it on." Cousland winked at the pirate.

"With your husband, no less!" Isabela exclaimed, as though she were proud of the fact. Scratch that. Knowing the Rivaini, she probably _was indeed _proud of the fact.

_"Tell us the stories then!"_

Varric's clunking crossbow could be heard from far away. The dwarf came to join the rest of them with an eager grin on his face.

"Come on! Spill the beans!" Varric insisted. "I've got my inks and pens waiting eagerly! My readers would be so ecstatic to have the queen of Fereldan have a few words in the book!"

"_And _you have a dwarf on your team, Eden? How oddly reminiscent of my own adventures!" Cousland smiled. "It seems we are not so different, you and I."

"True, true. It's as though greatness comes from your heritage, Hawke. In any case, if you wouldn't mind, we can carry our drinks over to my humble abode." Varric motioned to them kindly, bowing to the queen. "Hawke knows I enjoy a good story now and then."

Hawke laughed and turned to her cousin. "Before I forget, this would be Varric Tethras, second prince of his House," Hawke turned and winked to Varric before adding: "...and he just happens to be the most wonderful storyteller you'll likely ever know."

"Oh Hawke. You forgot to mention 'sexy, dashing, charming, and has more than a pleasing amount of chest hair.'" Varric grinned. "But it was a good try. I'll pay you later."

Their explosion of laughter carried down the pub hallways as they crew started walking towards Varric's room, accompanied by their new royal guest of honor. Cousland followed as natural as any friend, and didn't seem phased at all by the run-down demeanor of the Hanged Man. In fact, she and Hawke walked side by side, their arms slipping through each other as they followed Varric, laughing and chattering along.

Fenris was beckoned by his friends to follow. He didn't know if he wanted to stay or not. Didn't he have enough excitement for one night? Yet this new Cousland lady had gotten him quite curious, so he followed them anyway. Up they went, to the second floor and into Varric's prized room, where most of their glorious storytelling, drinking, and gambling went on.

_"Hey! There they are!"_

Unfortunately, they hadn't even make it to the top of the stairs before an unfamiliar voice came from behind. The five of them turned to see a group of several men approach. One of them was the man Isabela had just threatened and beat up minutes ago, crouched behind a rather large man. This huge bald man of hulking stature and height seemed to be his boss, or leader or whatever. The first thing they notice was that he carried an ax the size of an ogre's head.

How the bouncer at the front door had let this behemoth inside was beyond anyone's guess. And it was obvious that he was... well, quite butthurt about his lackey's lack of initiative in dealing with the Rivaini.

"_Someone's _overcompensating." Isabela snickered.

"You there, the bitch in the short white skirt! You beat up m'boy here pretty good!" He exclaimed. "Now yer gonna apologize to him!"

"Why? He was being a pig." Isabela rolled her eyes, groaning. "He deserved what he got. Now how about you run along before I get _really _pissed off?"

She paused, waiting for the men to back off. When they didn't, she only rolled her eyes again and heaved a bored sigh their way. Behind her, Alethea Cousland gave a tiny giggle and Varric scratched his head.

"This again?" The dwarf sighed. "Why do you have to do this to me all the time, Rivaini? You _do _realize that _I'm _going to the one responsible for paying the bill on the inn and bar damages after you and Hawke trash the place, right?"

"Oh, nonsense. You've got all the money in the world." Isabela smirked. "Like you have anything to complain about."

"Hey! Stop your chattering!" The thug waved his huge ax around like it was a toothpick. His arms were as thick as his head, but if Hawke had anything to say about it, they were probably not as thick as his skull.

"You've got to be kidding me. I don't want to deal with you guys. Leave me alone, will you? You're an eyesore and I'm not interested in you or any of your friends." The pirate scoffed, turning her nose.

"Wench, apologize to him now unless ya want trouble for you and yer friends!" He demanded and then grinned at her, glancing up and down. "Who knows? Maybe I'll even let you buy me a drink later, if you do!"

"Not likely." Isabela shook her head.

The bald, bulky man snarled at them and pointed with his ax directly at her, whizzing as it sliced through the air. "Yer gonna regret this, bitch! Once we're through with you, you'll be begging for mercy! Get 'em, boys!"

Swords and daggers rose into the air without a moment's notice. Dust particles clouded the bar within seconds, tubs of ale splashed the walls and the sounds of the bartender protesting went ignored. Heavy stomps and cries echoed throughout the tavern and the lanterns on the walls shook with ferocity. Picture frames trembled and fell to the ground, shattering into pieces and volleys of arrows shot from above and showered the area without a moment's hesitation.

Drinks that were not held in the hands of patrons were tipped and spilled over onto the floors, and the barmaids cowered in fear, their shrill screams filling the air. However, many of the patrons to the bar, including the bartender himself, stood at their usual seat to spectate the amusing fight, some even roared in anticipation for the impending brawl.

Fenris had his hand on the handle of his greatsword within seconds and mirrored Isabela's movements with ease. One fell swoop was all he needed to push back their assailants, ricocheting them to the far side of the tavern against the walls.

This was not a abnormal occurrence at the Hanged Man, of course. In fact, it was well-known that there would be some sort of brawl at least once a week. Many were drunken brawls, more humorous than dangerous. Others were confrontational and would eventually get broken up by the bartender and his bouncers if they got too tough.

Yet when Hawke and her friends were at the Hanged Man, not many brawls occurred because everyone in town knew of the Champion and her friends. So when it came to fighting at the Hanged Man, it either meant two things – these were outsiders who were unaware that the Champion frequented this run-down pub, or these were drunken men who tried to hit on Isabela and didn't know any better.

Or, in this case, both.

"I could have shown you a good time, you know!" The man with the ax coaxed at Isabela as their blades clashed. "It's not too late for you to apologize and get on your knees for me, woman!"

"No, thanks." Isabela grimaced visibly at the thought. Her knees wobbled at the sheer weight of his blade, but still her strength did not falter.

"Hey! I dare you to roll your eyes at me again, wench!" He grabbed Isabela by the arm forcefully, his meaty hands easily grabbing hold of her.

"Get your greasy hands off me, you oaf!" She said, kicking him away. She dusted herself off, as though his touch was the plague, and then turned to Hawke irritably. "Seriously, why do I always get dumped with all the stupid boys? Why can't I get stuck with some hot, young stud instead?"

"Why, so you can beat him up too?" Hawke raised a brow and smiled.

"Depends on what he's into, I suppose." Isabela shrugged. "If that's the kind of foreplay he likes, then I'd be most happy to try it out."

Behind them, Alethea snorted, breaking into laughter.

"Thanks for sharing." Fenris cut in sarcastically. "Can we just get this over with quickly? Or are you just going to stand there talking all night?"

"Aw, can't you handle it for me, Fenris?" Isabela whined. "I just got my daggers polished! It'd be a waste to use it on _them!_"

"Speak for yourself. I'm not your servant." He growled. "This was _your _mess, pirate."

"But we're _friends!_" She wined again.

He rolled his eyes and pushed against the flat side of his blade to shield them from harm. At least Lady Cousland was busy having a riot laughing in the back there.

"Ugh, fine!" Isabela groaned. "You're always a spoilsport, Fenris! When are you going to stop being Broody?"

Despite the Rivaini's remarks, their fight was relatively easy and uneventful compared to the plethora of roughhousing and slaughter they had experienced outside of the city. A couple of thugs in the city was nothing to them. Bickering and arguing in the middle of battle had become common to them by now. In fact, they found that it angered their adversaries even more.

For lack of better words, Fenris was certainly bored. His greatsword was barely dented and didn't even rattle against the dull blades of the men surrounding them. In fact, he didn't even need to light up his lyrium to get the job done (although there was a high chance it might have scared them off just as easily). Yet he had to admit: he felt a sense of ease and pride for himself when he didn't rely on his lyrium in battle. It reassured him to know that he was perfectly capable of holding his own regardless of his blasted lyrium curse.

"Nice one, Hawke!" Varric exclaimed as he reloaded in the background.

"Thanks." She replied, her fist colliding perfectly into the jaw of her adversary. "How many you got?"

"So far? Five."

Varric shook his head in disappointment as he shot another bolt straight past Hawke's shoulder, aimed straight for the forearm of one of the runaway thugs heading for the door. The poor fellow was reduced to tears as he hung on the pub wall like a display trophy. A few fighting enthusiasts in the bar laughed at his humility.

"We're about even, I'd say." Hawke replied to the dwarf as she nearly broke another fellow's leg. "That'd be my sixth."

They weren't playing for kills, after all. They avoided it if at all possible. Being on the road granted them different circumstances than the city. Even when they were wandering outside of city walls, Hawke was not keen on killing regular bandits unless necessary. Of course, assassins and slavers deserved little mercy if they were intent of taking innocent lives. She considered herself doing a service to the Kirkwall citizens by taking care of potential threats. But these were just normal citizens, too proud for their own good. She had no trouble knocking them down a peg or two. But they didn't deserve death. Not yet, at least.

"Hawke!" Isabela yelled from across the broken table that separated them. "Are you _seriously_ keeping count of this? They're not even worth the – watch out!"

By the time Fenris turned, all he saw were two things:

Hawke being grabbed by a bulky man twice her size, and a shining light that whizzed past him like Tevinter fireworks during a Saturnalia festival.

With Hawke's arms locked from movement, the behemoth lifted the Champion up as if she was a light-grade mail parcel. The man was so big that Fenris suddenly wondered how they could possibly have missed such a figure. Was he hiding in the shadows all this time?

"Listen to the boss, little bird." His yellow teeth snarled at Hawke as she kicked with all her strength to struggle free. "You'll be so-"

And then the sparking light Fenris saw blew past him like a fierce wind, leaving a gale in its trail, and almost grazing the elf in the arm.

"That'd be my sixth too, Hawke." Varric grinned as her assailant fell to the ground behind her. "Though I gotta say, taking that kill makes me almost feel bad, what with Broody bleeding like a faucet over there."

"Varric!" Hawke shot him a look as she rushed to Fenris' side.

"Oh, he'll be fine." Varric said, sheating his crossbow. "Won't you, Broody?"

"Watch where you're aiming that next time, dwarf." Fenris said, though he did not sound angry. After all, Varric was right – it was just a graze. Fenris had endured far worse.

"What a joke!" Isabela exclaimed as another victim fell to the ground, dust blowing under him as he slumped onto the floorboards. She removed her dagger from his back and shook her head in distaste.

"You said it." Hawke sighed as she twirled her own weapons between her fingers. She was a show-off when it came to fighting with Isabela. Fenris wondered if this was because Hawke felt herself the Rivaini's rival. Maybe it was a woman sort of thing. He certainly didn't understand it. They seemed to get along quite well, after all.

"Don't be cocky, bitch!"

"Hawke, be careful! He's got a tar bomb!" Isabela warned as they turned.

"Have you gone mental?" Hawke asked the man who Isabela had emasculated from the beginning before the fight even started. "If you hurt all these people, don't think you'll be able to just walk away from it unscathed!"

"Or what? Are you going to call the Champion here?" He grinned.

Hawke looked at him, her eyebrows cocked. "Excuse me?" She tried to hold back a smirk. She really did.

"You heard her, lass." He had a sleazy smile on his face. "There ain't no Champion 'round here, missy. You're going to be in trouble, and you better-"

"She _is _the Champion, you moron." Isabela said, rolling her eyes and sheathed her blades. "Andraste help me, what a complete idiot." She muttered, turning away.

"Wait, what?" He looked at them with eyes as wide as dinner plates. "You've got to be pulling my leg! That's a load of bull! Why would the Champion – I mean, here? In this run-downpub? Don't they got them fancy parties and shit over in Hightown? Why would..." He paused, as if thinking it over.

"You're _some _kind of dense, aren't you love?" Isabela laughed. "Everyone in town knows Hawke's face around here. You must be out of town."

"Sailors, by the looks of it." Varric said as he handed Hawke a foreign gold piece. "From your hometown, it looks like, Rivaini."

"Well, color me surprised." Isabela folded her arms. "Doesn't matter where they're from though. Have you had enough, boys? If so, leave this place with your tail between your legs and don't bother coming back. Take your friends with you too."

The crowd of spectators around them booed and roared at the two or three men left standing in opposition to Isabela, their fists swinging in the air and their offensive remarks ringing. Money that was thrown in to bet on the fight was tripled.

"I'm confused, are you trying to get them to leave, or egg them on further?" Hawke asked in a whisper, leaning her head towards the pirate.

"I haven't decided yet." Isabela answered.

"This is stupid." Fenris sheathed his weapon and turned his back towards the girls. After all this, all he wanted was to get a bottle of wine at the bar and drink himself to stupor. He had enough on his mind already.

And then an explosive shot rang in their ears as the tar bomb collided with the wooden floorboard of the pub. The bartenders' angry groan was left unheard as half the bar crouched down from the blast, and bits and pieces of the floorboards flew in all directions. Wooden chips littered the floor and smoke filled the air.

"Grenade!" A voice in the distance yelled.

Fenris couldn't even tell who it was that said that. Luckily, his heavy blade shielded him from most of the blast and he remained on his feet for the most part. He certainly hadn't bet on their adversary using the bomb, much less a grenade.

"Combustion grenade in a bar?!" Hawke's voice came from the smoke, but he could see nothing. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Hawke, careful!" He yelled as he reached his hands around the handle of his sword once more. "This is ridiculous..." He muttered.

But then he realized he couldn't move.

Blasted tar bomb!

"Damn it." He said as he tried to budge his arms, dragging his sword behind him. But it was as if his body had turned into stone. No part of him could move.

"Ridiculous, yes." Cousland said beside him, nodding. "But somewhat exciting for me, I'll admit." She smiled.

She had not been phased by the blast, and when she emerged from behind him Fenris realized that she had been directly behind him, and thus shielded from the blast by Fenris himself.

"You're a Grey Warden." He said as she strode past him, bow drawn. "Yet you would find a common bar brawl exciting?"

The thick smoke around them blocked their vision, but he could see Cousland squint her eyes, attempting to see through the thick fog.

"That was quite some time ago." She said. "I hardly get this much excitement back home. The most I get is a heated argument in court. And I can't even beat anyone's face into a bloody pulp there. Trust me, I've tried, but Alistair told me not to do it anymore."

He didn't know whether or not to laugh.

"You can't see anything in here." He muttered instead. "And I can't move."

"Good thing you've got me." She replied. "You blocked most of that blast for me. I'm feeling just fine because of it. Don't worry, I've got you covered."

He didn't comment. The idea of being helpless in battle irked him. Even more, he was not keen on letting Cousland fight to defend him while he stood there, immobilized like a useless statue. To make things worse, he had no idea what Hawke and the others were doing.

"Is everyone alright?" Hawke's voice echoed the room.

"For the most part." Varric's voice was muffled for some reason.

"Now's our chance!" Foreign voices yelled.

If Fenris thought this was the perfect chance for their adversaries to run off with gold, free booze, and their injured companions, he was right. Unfortunately, the bandits did not think the same. Instead, all that was heard in the next thirty seconds were mindless clangs of blades and shields.

"You should have run when you had the chance" Isabela yelled as groans and yells from rang the through the pub. "I'm through playing nice!"

"Isabela-"

"Sorry, Hawke." Isabela replied. "But I can only take _so much _before I snap. You know that."

Although his field of vision was limited, it didn't take long for Fenris to spot the crimson hue of blood on the floorboard at his feet, seeping through the wood and running its way towards him. A bloody hand fell to the ground near him as he tried to moving his feet to join the fray. He let out a frustrated roar when it didn't help. All he could hear were Isabela tumbling around the pub, more blasted grenades, Hawke yelling through the clearing fog, and Varric cursing out a shitstorm in the back.

"Hawke!"

"Clever bastards," Varric coughed. "Got me pretty good, I must say."

It took a few more seconds for the smoke to clear up, but by then Fenris could move and didn't waste a moment's time to dash ahead of Cousland, who had been firing rapidly through the thick smoke.

"Varric's down!" Hawke yelled as she expertly tumbled out of harm way and towards Fenris. "And where the hell did all these others come from?"

They were easily outnumbered, but that never stopped them before. However, Varric looked pretty bad. Through the smog, their enemy had seized the chance to rain steel upon the dwarf at first chance. If that weren't bad enough, they had multiplied in number. Some of the thugs had been watching from the sidelines and gotten involved once the smog had settled in. Clever, underhanded bastards.

"Hawke!"

"Eden, get down!"

Fenris had spotted the danger first. But given her position, Lady Cousland was inevitably faster than Fenris with his heavy sword. Her arrow whizzed past Fenris and Hawke both and pierced straight through the chest of Hawke's assailant expertly. Fenris had barely made it to Hawke's side, his weapon drawn.

Even her thin, long fingers held her arrows with elegance, and the look in her eyes was oddly serene as Lady Cousland fired at her enemies without hesitation. She had seen her share of battles. If he didn't know any better, Fenris would almost want to say that Alethea Cousland had been trained by the most expert of the famous Dalish archers. Who knows, perhaps in her time traveling she had picked up on some useful tips. She seemed a even better archer than Sebastian, in fact.

"Omph!"

Even when neared by a potential threat, all Alethea had to do was move herself swiftly, using her bow as a blunt hitting weapon, and tumbling backward by reflex as her victim stood in a daze before her. Her acrobatics were most commendable, and when coupled with Hawke's agility, the duo made quick work of their adversaries.

"If only Beth was here," Cousland said as she drew another bow and took her shot.

"I know." Hawke said sadly.

Isabela had been knocked straight back to the other side of the room, but suffered no dangerous blow aside from being separated from the rest of her friends in the battlefield. The crowd around them made way for the fight, their bodies forming a arena around the two clashing parties.

Yet even though they had suffered a major blow being so close to the tar bomb and combustion grenade, their opponents still had no chance against them. With ease, Hawke made her way towards the Rivaini, and both women knocked their burly enemy onto his side with their combined force, daggers puncturing him in multiple spots.

Fenris found himself suddenly feeling relieved that he had never pissed off Hawke and Isabela simultaneously. When he thought about it, those two rogue women certainly made a dangerous duo if they so desired to team up on the battlefield (which was quite often). Comically, the voice in the back of his head chose at this point to remind him that he had slept with both. The mere thought sent shivers down his back.

_Whoosh._

A whizzing sound came to his ears and a hot, white flash nearly cut him across the cheek. For a second, he felt his face light on fire, followed by a gust of warm wind. The arrow hit with such force that it sent its victim flying backward.

With such speed, Fenris was sure it would've killed him if it connected with him instead. He looked back to see Lady Cousland holding out her bow towards him. Thankfully, she did not miss her mark.

"Thanks." He murmured.

It only took another few minutes to get everything back into control. The crowd around them roared and coins were collected the minute the last man fell into a bloody puddle before Isabela's feet.

"That was fun, wasn't it?" The pirate said as she got off the dead body of one of the men. She had done her share of looting and found nothing.

"Here." Hawke tossed the pirate some money she found in a pouch on their victims, and then gave a large sum to the bartender as compensation. Thankfully, nothing had been destroyed beyond repair, aside from a table, and a chair or two.

"Ugh, kill me now." Isabela groaned as she sheathed her weapons.

"I thought we were going to _not _kill anyone today." Hawke sighed.

"Me too." Isabela said. "But they forced my hand."

"Right." Hawke replied sarcastically as they walked in unison towards the rest of the gang. "How's Varric?"

"Better," Her cousin replied as they formed a circle around Varric.

The dwarf sat near the bottom of the stairs and was bleeding out of his left shoulder. The blood trickled down his arm and onto the floor. Other than that, he looked fit as a fiddle and was smiling as they clamored around him.

"I gave him a special revitalizing, curative powder I brought with me." Cousland explained. "It's more potent than a simple elfroot potion. He should be fine in a few minutes."

"Better clean all that blood off though."

"I'm feeling better already." Varric said, struggling to stand. "Don't let the blood misguide you. This is nothing."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Varric nodded, standing upright. "Better than Broody, I'll tell you that much."

"Huh?"

"Maker, Fenris! Where did you get that gash?! It looks terrible! How did we not notice it before?"

Hawke's eyes bulged out as wide as the summer sky when she turned to see the blood seeping through his chest. Drops of crimson dotted the floor from where he walked, forming a trail of his own. His silver armor was smeared in blood that he once thought belonged to his enemies but now began to second-guess.

His clothes were dark, so it was hard to see his injuries most of the time. It didn't help that Fenris had developed a high tolerance of pain (being Danarius' pet had earned him such tricks) and had no idea where or when he had gotten hurt during the excitement. In fact, he barely felt a thing. But the blood was seeping through his clothes and smeared on his armor definitely indicated something was amiss. Perhaps he had gotten it from the concussion grenade?

"It must have been the tar bomb." Cousland was saying. "It numbed his nerves and senses so he probably didn't even feel it. He was probably cleaved right as the bomb collided. After all, he was the only one that got hit by it. I would've suffered a full blast if Fenris wasn't in front of me to block it."

"You can't even feel it?" Hawke said, her mouth dropping open. "It looks terrible, Fenris! It looks like a cat blew up on your chest."

Cousland laughed.

"Thanks, Hawke." He replied sarcastically.

"You got any more of that powder?" Varric asked Cousland.

"Not here with me." Cousland shook her head sadly. "But we can still fix him up if we hurry."

"Better take Broody upstairs then." Varric said. "We've got potions to help."

"I'm feeling fine." Fenris defended.

"Right now, you are." Cousland said, standing up to follow Varric up the stairs. "But when that numbness fades, you'll be feeling all shades of hell. Trust me. I've been there before."

Fenris looked down at his chest. Even he had to admit, it looked pretty bad.

He had never suffered a full-on blow from a tar bomb before. Most of the time, they were aimed at the more agile players on the field, so all he had to worry about was defending his friends until they shook loose of it.

"Damn." He muttered as he followed them upstairs and to a private room where a bed and table sat. "I can't even feel it."

"You will in a minute." Cousland reassured him as she beckoned him to sit on the bed. "I'll use some of the salves I've got. They work better than the ones found here in Kirkwall. But it won't do wonders like the powder. Ugh, I knew I should've brought more!"

"You've got nothing to worry about." Hawke said as she sat down next to Fenris with a wet towel in her hand. "We can deal with this, no problem. We've suffered worse in the past year."

"Should we get Anders then?" Cousland asked.

Both Fenris and Hawke immediately froze up.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Isabela replied: "He's probably getting swamped with work at the Clinic right now. Besides, it's nothing to trouble him on. We've got this."

Hawke let out a quiet, deep breath that only Fenris felt. Their eyes met and Hawke smiled at him in attempt to make him feel better, which he had to admit worked a little. But still, she didn't know that Fenris was aware of her strained situation with Anders. He still wanted to admit to her that he had overheard her afternoon's events. But now was not the time or place.

"I _really _feel fine." Fenris turned to the others. "We don't need the mage."

"Right," Hawke said, forcing a smile. "Anders is busy."

"I don't need any special treatment either." Fenris told Hawke. "Just give me a potion and I'll get this over with."

"Nonsense," Hawke turned to him, snapping her fingers at him. "You're badly wounded. We just need a few minutes to take care of it."

"Hawke-"

"We can get this done in a matter of minutes."

"Seriously-"

"Just hurry up and take your armor and shirt off, Fenris."

As she said this, Fenris couldn't help but look at her with an amused face, cocking his brows. Varric gave a long whistled in the background as Hawke's cheeks flushed red as a tomato, and Isabela laughed. Hawke immediately got up from her seat.

"Get your shirt off, indeed." Isabela giggled. "Better hurry up, Fenris. She's can't wait much longer."

"Knock it off, guys." Hawke said, her face still flushed. "I'm going downstairs to ask for some bandages. And stop that smirking, Fenris!" She said, tossing a pillow at his face before she left the room to ask the barmaid where the pub's stash of healing aids were.

"She likes you." Cousland said, giggling with Isabela as soon as Hawke left the room. Lady Cousland then paused a moment to look at Fenris' unphased expression, and immediate added: "And you like her too." She realized.

"That's an understatement." Isabela snorted. "You don't know the half of it."

"So you two are..." Cousland looked at him inquisitively.

"It's complicated." Varric answered for Fenris.

Fenris groaned. His friends, although nice company, _really _had to learn about boundaries. He would rather not talk about his personal life to a stranger. He didn't care if Cousland was Hawke's cousin.

Nevertheless, when Hawke came back from downstairs, she found Fenris still sitting on the clean bed of the guest room, with his armor and shirt off and a wet towel in his hand, dabbing at the large gash across his chest. Her cousin sat beside him, a pan of water on the table before her as she rinsed out the second towel of its bloody contents.

Isabela and Varric had passed Hawke on their way down to get their usual drinks at the bar. After a brawl like this, everyone needed a drink and a laugh. Besides, they had all suffered far worse. It wasn't as though Fenris was dying.

Still, Fenris' wound was seeping with blood that leaked like a broken faucet from his flesh. Drops stained the bedsheets, which was probably why he didn't want to lay in it. He wasn't keen on paying the bartender for ruining one of his beds.

But one look at the blood dripping down his chest and ribs prompted Hawke to tell him to lay down, no excuses. He was too tired to argue, and he had to admit a part of him desired her attention anyway. Nevertheless, he begrudgingly agreed and laid on the bed, his head falling on the pillow Hawke had earlier thrown at him in her flustered state.

The gash wasn't as terrible as it was before, but it would've definitely festered into something terrible if left untreated. Fenris had done his best cleaning the wound of its spill, and Lady Cousland had doused the thin towel he held with plenty of alcohol. He suddenly found himself feeling glad that he could barely feel a thing due to the numbness.

Still, Hawke took the smelly towel from his hand and looked at him with a warm smile on her face. She examined his chest area closely to make sure everything was intact (among other things), and made sure Fenris was not harmed anywhere else. His wound certainly looked better than it had when he first took off his shirt to have it looked at. It's length spanned from his collarbone to his rib in a clean, diagonal cut. Probably from something like a longsword. Hawke was just glad it wasn't the ax that the big, bald leader had on him. Otherwise, Fenris would probably be in two pieces on the pub floor right now, a thought that did little to ease Hawke's mind.

Fenris let out a deep breath as she worked the fabric into his wound. The pain was starting to come back to him. But it wasn't as bad as it seemed. Hawke was gentle as she cleaned his wound with the alcohol-drenched towel. She slid the wet cloth across Fenris' chest, cleaning the dried blood from his body.

A mixture of alcohol, linen, and blood permeated the air around them. Even so, Hawke couldn't help but admire his well-toned chest and muscles. Her cheeks flushed as she touched his flesh, smearing the cool ointment across his skin. She tried distracting her eyes by tracing the light blue lines of his tattoos with her eyes, but when the contours of his lyrium ink led her up his arms, past his chest, down his stomach and then near his breeches, it only made her face flush bright pink and her chest nearly explode with a sudden fiery heat that she only hoped Fenris did not notice.

"I assume this is just your average evening brawl at the pub?" Lady Cousland asked her cousin as she wrung the other towel dry. The water in the bowl below immediately turned ruby red, and the metallic smell around them certainly didn't come from the silver bowl Lady Cousland was using.

"Only in Isabela's case." Hawke replied, trying to steady her voice.

"She's always been like that." Cousland chuckled. "Creating trouble and all that..."

"I think the bleeding's stopped." Hawke said, trying to cool herself down mentally.

"How are you feeling, Fenris?" Cousland asked, making her way towards them with the dry, stained towel in her hand. "Does it hurt? I have painkillers if you'd prefer."

"It's nothing." He said. "Nothing I can't deal with."

"My apologies, I'm sure you didn't want to be put in this position." She said. "If you hadn't been blocking me, I would've been the one to get hit though. Thank you."

"It's nothing." He insisted. "It's better I was the one to get hit by it."

"I assume the numbness is fading? Looks like the blood is starting to clot. You know, normal people would be writhing in pain from a gash that big. Even elves."

"I've been accustomed to worse." He repeated, now a little agitated. He didn't like other people treating him like some traumatized, helpless patient, much less a child. "Trust me." He stressed.

"He's not a ordinary elf either." Hawke smiled.

"I'd assume so, with tattoos like those." Lady Cousland stated with intrigue. "I've been to numerous Dalish camps in my lifetime, but I've never seen anything quite like those. Is that... lyrium?"

"It's complicated." Fenris said. "Hawke can tell you if you really want to know."

"I'd rather you tell her instead." Hawke said quietly. "It's not my story to tell."

"Well, we can save it for another occasion." Lady Cousland shrugged. "For now, let's put the bandages on him."

"Can you get up?" Hawke asked him gently.

"I was afraid you'd never ask." Fenris said as he finally got up. His wound hurt a little, but was not enough to hinder his movement at all. But Lady Cousland was right when she assumed his numbness was fading. At least the worst part was over. He didn't need to go through that feeling of having alcohol pressed against his open wound. He always hated that part, especially if it was Anders doing it.

Hawke took the roll of bandages from her cousin and proceeded to wrap it around his torso, her arms hugging him slightly as she unraveled the linen around his chest and ribs, working around and around his torso until the roll was depleted. Fenris watched as she worked her arms around him, her face focused intently.

"Isabela certainly enjoyed it." Lady Cousland was saying. "A fight with her involved is nothing I'd be surprised of. That's how I met her for the first time, in fact. It was a situation quite similar to this one, as I recall..."

"Most every fight that happens here is her doing." Fenris muttered.

"Hey! It's not my fault that my life is always so difficult!" Isabela's whine came from behind. "The good-looking men are always the hardest to get! All I do is get hit on by the scumbags. I'm not like Hawke here."

Fenris immediately frowned. What did _that _mean?

"Me?" Hawke exclaimed. "What do I have to do with this?"

"Oh please, Hawke. We all know you've got tons of men practically lining up at your doorstep! If you're already set your eyes on one, why not direct the rest towards me, as a favor for all the good times we've shared?" Isabela asked, puppy dogs eyes and all.

Hawke laughed and shook her head.

Fenris raised his brows. What men? What was Isabela talking about? Was she talking about Anders? Or maybe even some other man that Hawke had not yet mentioned to him?

He didn't say anything about it though, and instead pulled his tunic over his body again and started settling himself back into his normal attire. The mixture of alcohol, blood, and medicinal ointment filled his nose, and it was not a pleasant odor.

"You feeling okay?" Hawke asked.

He nodded. "Just fine. Thank you for dressing my wounds."

"No problem."

Her blushing was certainly something that made him want to smirk a little as they made their way around their usual table. Their drinks were already in their usual places and Varric was starting on one of his tales for Lady Cousland to hear. Still, as they sat down at their usual spots, Fenris brooded over his thoughts. Was Hawke being courted again? That stupid Aedan Reinhardt or whatever-his-face-was had done enough to make Fenris want to rip out his vocal chords. So who else was on Hawke's tail this time?

The thoughts that rushed to Fenris' mind were not pleasant. His insides were starting scorch into a burning fire, eating away at him once more. He wanted Hawke to know that he was there to protect her, and that he wouldn't let anyone else hurt her again, Anders especially. He felt like his injury only made himself appear weaker and more reliant.

Yes, she was their leader. But that didn't matter when it came to his pride. He was, first and foremost, a man, and Hawke was his woman. He knew if he didn't tell her what he overheard soon, he was afraid he wouldn't get the chance to talk about it again without making himself seem underhanded or melodramatic. He didn't want to hide the fact that he followed and eavesdropped on her earlier this afternoon forever. For one, it would eat him from the inside slowly. Maker, it was already beginning to.

_Damn having a conscience! _He cursed at himself. This wasn't like him at all.

"Fenris, what are you doing just standing there?" Isabela's voice came to break through his thoughts. "Aren't you going to join us?"

He hesitated.

Did he want to join them tonight? What if he couldn't control his tongue? What if he ruins this reunion Hawke was having with her cousin by telling her news that would make her uncomfortable and possibly never trust him again?

"Come Fenris, what are you going to do? Leave poor Hawke alone with us for torture? She'll just come running to you later to moan and groan about it!" Isabela giggled. "Especially the moaning. A lot of it, I might add."

"Isabela!" Hawke's face turned beet red.

"Oh my, and here I almost forgot! What's this about, Eden?" Cousland had a huge grin on her face. "You haven't told me about this! I hear that you and Fenris are an item, is that true?"

Hawke groaned.

Fenris had no idea what to do. He didn't know which was worse: having to deal with both Isabela _and _Lady Cousland (the two of which he was quickly beginning to realize were fairly similar), or dealing with Hawke herself. He looked forward to spending alone time with Hawke, but he had a feeling it would not be too easy for them with the two devious ladies in the back playing their tricks and teasing them all week (or however long Lady Cousland was planning on staying).

Fenris spoke up to avoid further embarrassment on Hawke's behalf, turning to Isabela with a stern frown:

"Listen here, you and Lady Cousland have-"

"_Lady _Cousland?" Lady Cousland neared spilled her drink and snorted into a laugh.

Hawke even smirked at Fenris and he suddenly felt uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"You don't need to be so formal, Fenris." Lady Cousland told him.

"Then what should I call you?" He asked, terribly irritated of the girls giggling away.

"How about just Cousland?" Isabela suggested, smirking.

"I actually prefer Alethea." Lady Cousland shrugged. "My father was the one everyone called Cousland. I'd rather it stay that way."

"But he doesn't even call _Hawke_ by her first name!" Isabela pointed out.

"I don't mind." Hawke said and turned to Fenris with a innocent smile. "He can call her whatever she wants,"

Fenris let out a sigh of relief.

"But only if he calls me 'Lady Hawke' as well." She finished.

Fenris frowned. Hawke too? Was she seriously having fun at his expense?

From the far side of the room Varric looked at him quizzically and shrugged. Women were a mysterious to men, and always would be as far as they knew it. This was quickly turning into more than they could handle.

"That would make for some nice bedroom talk! 'Lady Hawke!'" Isabela laughed. "Maybe even put on a nice silk gown with some cleavage to show-"

"Isabela!" Hawke started to protest, blushing and her eyes wide.

"What, Hawke? You always hide yourself in that silly leather armor! Why not show off your body once in awhile? I know you have some nice tits to show under all that! Fenris wouldn't mind, would you Fenris?" Isabela turned to Fenris with her eyes twinkling.

Fenris looked at both Isabela and Alethea, who were now staring at him intently. Hawke looked down at her lap. Her face was red as a tomato and Fenris had a feeling it had nothing to do with the wine they were drinking. Meanwhile, Varric was sipping his glass and overlooking this conversation with a rather smug grin on his face. Fenris looked around the room in search for another topic. Like a vase… or a plate… or something.

"Your elf is rather shy, Eden." Alethea pointed out after a few seconds. "Funny, I always thought you liked the headstrong and possessive types." She winked.

Hawke blushed and said nothing.

"You just don't know Fenris like we do." Isabela winked. "He keeps to himself-"

"And broods exceedingly well." Varric added.

"But he can be rather violent and rash when he's irritated." Isabela finished.

"I'm right here, you know." Fenris grumbled loudly. "I can hear you talking about me."

"Well, share your opinions then, Fenris." Isabela said. "What are your plans with Hawke?"

Fenris glared at her and Hawke looked up.

"Isabela, come on." She begged. "Not tonight."

"Funny though," Alethea started. "I thought from the moment I found out Anders was working with you that you'd have a thing for him. He seems like your type - the nice gentlemanly mage."

Fenris frowned and this time, he didn't even try to hide it. His fists clenched up immediately and his brows were so furrowed that they started to hurt his face. Still, he couldn't help but hear the echo of what Alethea just said in his head over and over again.

Anders was …. Hawke's 'type'?

Did Hawke prefer someone like Anders?

Isabela looked over at Hawke nervously. She had no idea if bringing up the fact that Hawke had recently broken up with Anders was a good idea or not. It wasn't her business anyway.

Hawke said nothing about it but merely laughed. For such a emotional wreck, she was pretty good at hiding her feelings with laughter. But Fenris was sure Alethea knew that.

"So, you two are together?" Alethea asked Hawke, a smile creeping on her face. She ceased her incessant prying, for the sake of her cousin. Perhaps it was true that Hawke and Cousland were more sisters than cousins. Perhaps they could gauge each other's feeling well enough to know where the boundaries were.

Hawke took a deep breath at that point, glanced at Fenris, whose face was just as uncomfortable as hers, and then nodded. Immediately, Fenris felt the inside of his chest explode, roaring with triumph. Hawke acknowledged that she was with him, that she was his. Even though they hadn't really made it too clear, it was still reassuring to know she was willing to admit it to everyone so openly.

"It's been a long-term thing." Isabela explained to Alethea in a low voice. "They've had some hiccups on the way and only got together again recently."

"I can hear you, Isabela." Hawke said dully as she gave the pirate a look of warning.

Fenris grimaced and suddenly felt an oncoming migraine. He frowned and proceeded to place his hand over his forehead. These women were … something.

"Why do you think Hawke likes gentlemanly types, Alethea?" Isabela smirked. "Why, from the very beginning I recall her being head over heels for the ol' broody there!"

"Isabela!" Hawke begged. "Why are you so intent on ruining tonight for me?"

"Because it's fun, love." Isabela laughed.

"Not for me, it isn't." Hawke frowned.

"Still, I can imagine Auntie Leandra being quite excited of the idea." Alethea commented. "What was her reaction to your relationship when you told her?"

"She never knew." Hawke turned away. "I mean, I never really told her about it."

"I see… I'm sorry about what happened. Sorry if I'm late on the toasts and wishes, cousin. I really wish I could have made it to her funeral, Eden. I really do." Alethea said with sincerity deep in her voice. "Honest."

"I know." Hawke sighed sadly.

Fenris glanced at Hawke's suddenly dejected face. Her mother was still a depressing subject. Of course Lady Amell didn't know about Fenris and her eldest daughter. Hawke never spoke a word of it to her mother for fear of breaking her heart. Hawke's mother wanted nothing more than to see her children settle down, and often dreamed of the day when she would become a grandmother. Unfortunately, that day never came and he knew Hawke often felt depressed about it. He tried to cheer her up to the best of his abilities when this happened, but he knew the rest was up to Hawke. There was only so much he could do for her.

"Don't be sorry," Hawke shook her head. "Mother was strong up until the very end."

"A toast then?" Alethea smiled warmly. "To the beautiful and courageous late Leandra Hawke?"

Varric nodded followed by the rest of the group. Even Fenris raised his glass to toast.

Their glasses clinked and each took a sip of wine, ale, or whatever poison they chose for the impending night. Their evening then took a turn for the more positive of conversations, ensuing into the night with cheers and laughter.

* * *

But try as he might, he couldn't do it.

He couldn't bring himself to tell her.

They had spent four hours in the Hanged Man together, until they were the only ones left and even the night shift bartender had closed down the downstairs bar, knowing that Varric kept his word on paying the tab later tomorrow.

It wasn't until the very late of night, before dawn was breaking, that the five parted ways. Varric and Isabela stayed at the Hanged Man, and Alethea had her own place to stay in the Viscount's Keep, even though Hawke assured her that she was welcome to stay in the empty Amell mansion. Alethea nodded but insisted she stay at the Viscount's Keep at least one night as a gesture of sincerity and gratitude to Kirkwall. She _was _Queen of Fereldan, after all. Meridith insisted on it, and as if Alethea's personal unit was not enough, insisted the Kirkwall guards to be kept around Alethea everywhere.

And so, when their friends were gone, Hawke and Fenris, who lived a block away from each other in Hightown, started their walk in silence, each having their own private thoughts.

For Fenris, he felt relaxed knowing that the silence between them was not as awkward as it was romantic. He enjoyed their time together, even the silence. He felt as though they had that rare bond that wasn't normally found in most couples. It was the kind of bond that didn't necessarily require constantly talking to liven the mood. It was enough to be near one another. Feeling his hand entwined with hers made the warm feeling in his chest steadily grow.

Maker, he was grateful to have her again.

When they reached the door to her home, he felt a deep sadness wash over him like a tidal wave. Why could their walk have gone on forever? It was was far too short for his liking. Nonetheless, they paused outside the entrance and his eyes caught hers.

"Thank you for walking me back." She whispered softly.

But Fenris crossed his arms and frowned. "Hawke..."

"I'm sorry for my cousin and Isabela putting you on the spot tonight. I know it was a little awkward." She admitted, blushing. "They're more alike than I care to admit, truth be told. I never even noticed until now..."

"You don't need to apologize." He told her, brushing a strand of her hair aside. "It is never awkward with you around, Hawke. You should know that by now. Besides," He smiled at her the best he could, despite his inner voice begging for him to come clean with her. "You don't need to keep thanking and apologizing for everything like you've got something to prove."

"Well, it's just that it's only been a short while since we've gone past that uncomfortable stage where we had no idea how to reconcile or talk to each other." She shuffled her feet and looked at the ground. "I was afraid I might lose you if I say anything stupid."

"Well, now you can say all the stupid things you want to me." Fenris smirked.

"And I won't lose you?"

"You won't." He reassured her. "Although I reserve the right to make fun of you for it later."

"I suppose that's fair." She laughed. "You know, my family was always on the run because of my father and Bethany. I've never really had any close friends for too long until I reached Kirkwall, and you're kind of like the friend I never had as a child!"

"If anything, I will always be your friend, Hawke." He told her gently.

"No," She shook her head. "I think I'm happy with being more."

"As you should be."

"Full of yourself, aren't you?" She raised a brow, smirking at him.

"Look who's talking." Fenris retorted. "What was with all the endless stories on your battle with the Arishok? How many versions of the tale do you have written up in your head?"

"I can't help it! Varric gives me good ideas!" She laughed a hearty laugh that made his stomach turn into fluttering butterflies. "Besides, telling everyone that we are together…. made me happy."

"Hawke, I am glad to be at your side, always." He told her in a low, gentle tone.

"And I am glad to once again be yours." Hawke replied.

Fenris nodded, raising his hand to touch her soft, warm flesh. "I am yours, and you are mine."

"I'm yours." She breathed. She liked the sound of that.

"Yes." He said. "You are mine."

"I like it when you say that."

Fenris smirked and stepped closer to her, wrapping his arms around her to bring them closer together. "You, beautiful woman, are mine." He repeated.

"You think I'm beautiful?" She teased.

"Of course." He replied. "Stunningly beautiful."

"Gorgeous, even?"

Fenris chuckled slightly and smiled. "That's basically the same as what I just said."

"No!" She argued. "Gorgeous is a level above 'beautiful.'"

"I'll keep that in mind next time." He told her. "But yes, you are beautiful, _and _gorgeous."

"And perfect for you." She added.

"Without a doubt."

"And tremendously sexy."

He smirked. "Of course."

"Perhaps even the best at cards out of all of us."

"Clearly."

"And a fine Champion for Kirkwall."

"Indeed."

"And I'm so good a Champion that I can best even you in a fight."

"Don't press your luck."

"Don't believe me? Want to try sometime?"

"I don't want to hurt you, Hawke." He teased.

"That's _Lady _Hawke to you." She laughed.

"Maybe if you best me in battle, I will call you Lady Hawke."

"Promise?"

"If it will reassure you of our bet, then I will promise." He nodded, smirking.

"You're on then." She grinned. "It certainly gives me more incentive to beat you up."

"You're welcome to try."

"I won't hold back."

"No need to warn me." He chuckled.

She grinned. "See you later?"

"Always."

* * *

How far would you go for freedom?

How far could a person be pushed?

Thoughts and ideas have potential - the potential to become something far greater. Yet the last step to any idea or plan is also the hardest part: carrying out your idea. After countless hours of screening, revision, and planning, no matter how hard you try to _think _about how well your ideas may work, all the effort you put into your plans will mean nothing if you don't have the guts to carry them out or follow them through.

No matter how difficult the decision, or how hard it becomes for you and those around you... Even if you forsake those around you for the greater good, you have to tell yourself that in the end it'll all be worth the pain, suffering, and wait. Even if you hurt those you care for most, liberating the rest of your people will made you the better man. In the end, you have to tell yourself that you _had to _make that tough decision. It was a tough call, but you made the right decision in the end.

Yes, that was exactly what Anders told himself as he burned Hawke's letter.

* * *

When the morning light crept in, bathing the faded gray walls with its warm glow, the first thing Fenris thought to do was promptly flip over onto his side, pull the covers over his head, and close his eyes for some more rest. Unfortunately, being under the thick cotton sheets with his breath heating up his breathing space and the sunlight baking him underneath for ten minutes finally forced him to abandon his attempt to reenter deep slumber in defeat.

Kirkwall was nearing the end of spring, which meant the weather was heating up, fast. If there was any season Fenris hated, it would have been summer. The heat was unbearable and it made him want to stay inside the nice, cool interior of his mansion.

He rubbed his eyes groggily, with one hand perched on his knee while the other brushed through his hair. His mouth was dry and his nose was itchy. Nevertheless, Fenris sat there for a while, letting the warm beams hit his bare skin. His tattoos traced throughout his body, gleaming as though they awoke with him.

He opened his eyes and out of the corner of his eyes caught a red little book laying beside him. It was open and half falling off the edge of the bed. Fenris took it and read through the first few sentences of the page it was opened to. Funny, he didn't remember reading this part last night. Then again, he was probably too sleepy to remember anything he read at all. It had been a tiring day yesterday, after all.

He set the book down by his bedside table and looked out his bedroom window. Tiny birds perched on the railing outside looked at him and chirped. Others flew away as soon as Fenris stood up and started putting on his pants. He stretched a little before grabbing his vest and the rest of his clothes off a chair and heading down the stairs.

Even after all the chatter about his relationship with Hawke last night, he was unable to tell her what he had overheard. Maker, he wanted to. He wanted to tell her almost as badly as he wanted to rip out Anders' insides, but something held him back from saying anything to Hawke.

She had just reunited with her cousin, for one. And for two, he was not about to explain to her how he actually thought Isabela's plan was a good idea. Now that he brooded over it a bit, a part of him was beginning to regret taking part in the pirate's scheme. One of the many, unfortunately.

Still, Hawke wanted her space for the time being, and if he told her that he had broken his promise to give her that space by following her around Darktown and eavesdropping on her private conversation with the mage, he wasn't too sure how she would react. If it was his guess, Hawke would probably be angry at him for doing it. So out of sheer respect and love for the woman, he bit his tongue last evening and held himself back. It was certainly harder than he thought, and if it weren't for Hawke's cousin, Anders would probably have been found last night by the Kirkwall Guard, reduced to nothing but a heap of organs and flesh, torn from his very bones.

Speaking of which, if Alethea Cousland suspected anything of Fenris and Anders, she certainly didn't say a word about it. Still, Fenris had a feeling the Ferelden queen was suspicious about what was going on between Hawke, Fenris, and Anders. She dropped many hints about it last night, and even though all of them eventually became shit-faced from all the drinking, Fenris managed to keep to himself quite well.

Hawke fared well for herself too. She talked to her cousin a great deal about familial matters and loosened up around her cousin. Fenris had never heard Hawke talk about her family to such great lengths and was grateful for having seen yet another side of her. Something about having a woman who was simultaneously strong and caring was commendable. Although, to be honest, Fenris found every side of Hawke attractive.

Yet for the love of the Maker, Fenris honestly couldn't pinpoint one specific attribute to blame for his attraction to Hawke. She had many flaws, of course, but none of them really bothered him. It was as though he could let her get away with anything as long as he knew she felt the same way about him.

In no way had Fenris felt this way before.

Well, before he met Hawke, that is.

If there had been any woman before him, Fenris certainly didn't remember it, let alone know how it felt. But even though he never experienced love in his 'life' so far, he couldn't ignore his feelings for Hawke.

He wasn't sure when it first happened, but the moment she left him for another man, he immediately felt it. And that was when he knew for sure: He loved her. He had fallen irrevocably and hopelessly in love with her.

It had taken him a long time to be honest with himself after that. Hell, at first he didn't even know _what _it was he felt for her. Love was such a foreign idea to a slave like Fenris. He had never thought anyone would bother getting close to him. In fact, Fenris expected Hawke to turn him in immediately when they first met. He planned to even have an escape plan when they first met in case of such scenario. But she turned out to be the complete opposite, and much more.

He told himself that this was love. What he felt for Hawke was confusing, but at the same time warm and fuzzy. It was a joyful feeling, one that he had never experienced – not even when he ran from his master and found himself living a free life. He couldn't even use normal words to describe his thoughts.

Hawke was amazing; she was honest and kind-hearted. He knew no matter what he needed, she would always try to help him. Yes, she was somewhat timid and secretive when it came to personal matters, like her situation with Anders, but that was understandable. Hawke was certainly a committed woman, Fenris gave her that. She couldn't even break her promise to Anders, a man who clearly didn't deserve her respect after what he had tried doing.

Even so, Fenris couldn't help but let out a little chuckle to himself as he thought about her. He found Hawke's nervousness around him both cute and strange.

For one, he had always been used to seeing her as their leader, who remained sarcastic and diplomatic in official business. Yet, when it came to her personal romantic life she would suddenly become indecisive. It was obvious that she did not bode well when it came to awkward social situations and love, but Fenris found that he could as easily overlook all of her flaws as he could commend all her strengths. He understood that she was a planner, and tried to keep things according to her itenery. That was how she got things done, after all.

All of these thoughts were nice and all, but sooner or later Fenris' brooding would get the best of him, and he would start wondering: What had he done for Hawke? What _could _he do for her that she couldn't do herself? What could he, a Tevinter fugitive, offer her, a Fereldan noblewoman and Champion of Kirkwall?

That was when he knew he should stop thinking and start trying to preoccupy himself with something physical, or perhaps even get out a bottle of wine from the cellar again.

Unfortunately, it was too early in the day for that.

Fenris squinted at the sun blinding him as he walked down the step to his living room. He held up his arm to block the beam from his eyes. He needed curtains.

* * *

_"Eden Marian Hawke, I need to speak to you right this instant!"_

The roaring sound of her cousin, Alethea, was the first thing that greeted Hawke that morning. She nearly jumped out of bed, fearing for the worst, when her cousin barged into her bedroom. Hawke was barely dressed as she scrambled off her bed to greet her. All she wore was a lace camisole under her silk sheets. Thank the Maker it was just Alethea bursting through her door.

"What's the matter?" She asked, trying to sound alert while rubbing her eyes.

"You didn't tell me anything about Anders!" Alethea exclaimed.

Hawke snapped awake. "W… What?"

"You know what, Eden!" Alethea accused. "Isabela told me all about it! You used to date that apostate, didn't you? Until you found something out that you weren't going to tell any of us about! Tell me right this instant!" She stamped.

Hawke frowned. What? How did Alethea…?

"What are you talking about?" Hawke asked.

"Stop pretending, Eden." Alethea heaved. "You used to share the same bed as the apostate, I hear! I understand not telling me about _that_ part. Heck, I don't expect you to divulge every detail about your sex life like Isabela does to me, but you've been hiding something much more dangerous, haven't you?"

"What?" Hawke stammered, trying to find her words. What a brilliant way to wake up. "I don't understand. What did Isabela tell you exactly?"

"Is it true?"

"Is _what _true?" She was starting to get irritated. It was too early in the morning for this. Hawke was a morning person, yes, but even she had limits.

"Anders." Alethea frowned. "Is it true he merged with Justice and is dangerous?"

"Well, Justice is dangerous, yes, but Anders-"

"Is Anders dangerous?" Alethea asked, although it sounded more like a warning. "Don't lie to me, Eden. Is he a danger to us all?"

"What are you talking about?" Hawke asked desperately. It couldn't be!

"Isabela said she heard about your little spat with the mage. She said that man even tried to force himself on you! Is that true?" The Fereldan queen asked. "And that he tried to start a blasted war and kill all of you without anyone knowing?"

"I… How did Isabela know about this?" Hawke was terribly confused. Her heart was beating as if there were no tomorrow, her head hurt, and she was suddenly fearful of what her powerful cousin might be considering.

"I'm asking the questions, Eden." Alethea said sternly. "This concerns everyone, not just you. Please tell the truth. Don't make me hold my role as Queen above you. You know I'd hate to do that."

"What are you, my mother?" Hawke snapped back. She hated it when Alethea treated her like a little sister. Yes, it could be endearing sometimes, but this was not one of those times.

She was angry. How could Isabela have found out in the first place? Even if Isabela had known about what happened the last time Hawke was alone with Anders, why didn't the pirate say anything to Hawke first? Why did she have to go blab about it to her cousin, the _queen of Ferelden_? Of course her former Grey Warden cousin would be more than concerned. If what Anders was plotting really came to fruition, it would likely result in a full-scale war between the mages and templars, not to mention blowing up the Chantry in Kirkwall would have major consequences, and even get the Orlesian council involved. Yes, Hawke knew why Alethea was so distressed about this news.

Perhaps Hawke should have said something about it sooner. But it was far too late for her to become regretful. She had thought about it once or twice, but in the end Hawke simply didn't want Anders to be labeled a traitor, murderer, or crazed and delusional apostate. He had gone through enough, and she didn't want to make his life more miserable than it already was. In a way, she felt halfway responsible for his predicament.

"You've yet to answer me." Alethea demanded, although her tone was now more gentle. "I don't care if you slept with Anders, Eden. I don't care at all. But what I _do _care about is his mental health. He doesn't sound stable. He was once my friend too, you know. I want to help him if he's in danger. In fact, he could very well be a danger to us all, including you. Please understand. Don't be angry at me, or your friends. They're only trying to care for you."

Hawke didn't answer.

Of course she was angry at Isabela for telling on her, and for possibly eavesdropping and sneaking behind her back. What kind of friend would do that to her? Isabela already tried stealing away Fenris in the past, and now this? Suddenly, Hawke's animosity towards the entire world became directly towards one single pirate wench. How dare she!

"Trust your friends. They care for you. Especially Isabela and Fenris. More than you know." Alethea told her. "Why not tell me what happened? I can help." She offered gently.

Hawke closed her eyes and tried to stop her clenched fists from trembling. Her head hurt even more now. What was there to do? What were her options?

"Anders tried to blow up the Chantry." She said in one breath. "I stopped him before he could."

"He tried to…" Alethea's eyes grew slightly wider and she stared off into space for a few seconds, letting out a big sigh. "So it was true."

Hawke nodded miserably.

"Why didn't you tell the others?"

"I don't want them to hate Anders for what he did."

"How could they not?" Alethea sighed. "Don't let your past with him cloud your judgment."

Hawke frowned again. "You used to travel with him, Alethea. How could you _not _understand why I tried covering for him?" Hawke tried. "You should know that he isn't the man he used to be! He would never do anything like this! It isn't like him! He wasn't always like this. It's Justice - the more that evil spirit twists his thoughts, the worse it becomes for Anders. He's losing himself and he needs help! He can't overcome this by himself!"

"You sitting there feeling sorry for him isn't helping either." Alethea replied.

"Well, I don't know what to do."

"Let me deal with him."

"I can't let you do that."

"And why not?" Alethea's voice suddenly turned stern again. "If I request Anders to come back with me to Ferelden, by our law he cannot refuse unless he wants to be put to death. Besides, under the Grey Warden decree, he _has to _obey. Even you cannot alter this. I am still a Grey Warden, you know."

"I know." Hawke said unhappily.

Alethea paused and watched as Eden sat down on the edge of her bed, dropping her head into her palms as she tried to steady her breath. This was crippling. What started out as a little problem that Hawke hoped she had tucked in a box in the corner quickly escalated to a big ripple in the water. She could clearly see why her cousin was distraught, and she didn't blame Alethea for it. If anything, Hawke was beginning to curse at herself.

"Did you love him a great deal?" Alethea asked quietly.

Hawke swallowed and whispered back. "I thought I did. But now I don't know _who _it was I loved."

"I'm sorry."

Hawke felt the bed shift as her cousin came to sit next to her on the edge of her bed. The lavender sheets shifted as Alethea pulled them over her cousin. The warmth was soothing and helped her relax a little. Her cousin wrapped her arm around her shoulders.

"I thought I could try to help him." Hawke explained through tears. "I thought I was helping him from the beginning, but it turned out I was wrong. Even when he lied and betrayed me, I tried to undo his wrongs and told myself that he wasn't acting like himself. Once I stopped him, I was hoping he could go back to himself. I thought I could make him come back to his senses."

"I can't tell you what you did was wrong, Eden." Alethea told her as she patted her back. "But I can't tell you what you did was right either. Your companions deserved to know about this, and you know that. How can you be their leader if you plan to keep things like these from them?"

"I'm not suited to be their leader." Hawke sighed. "I never was. It just sort of… happened."

"Then make the best of it." Alethea told her. "Stop moping about it. This isn't like you. What will they do if they see you like this, hm? You were chosen for a reason. They are still waiting for you, and they still care. Even about Anders."

Hawke laughed. "Say that to Fenris and see how he reacts."

Alethea chuckled. "I've heard about the love triangle. Isabela told me that as well."

"Honestly, does that woman know no bounds?" Hawke groaned.

"Isabela is only trying to look out for you the best she knows how." Alethea said. "You understand, don't you?"

"I can try."

"That's a start." Alethea smiled.

"What about Anders?" Hawke smiled weakly at her cousin. "What do you intend to do?"

"I want to take him back to Ferelden when I go and have him watched until we find a way to disperse the spirit of Justice from his body." Alethea told her.

"Is that even possible?"

"I don't know." She looked down at the carpet solemnly. "But I have to believe there is."

"Please," Hawke begged. "We have to find a cure. I've been trying but I don't know where to even begin to look. You have more power, more resources." Hawke paused. "Maybe you will be able to help him more than I have…"

"I can certainly try." Alethea nodded. She walked towards Hawke's bedroom window and drew back the curtains. "When we first encountered Justice, there was little choice for us but to let him take possession of another's body, but that body was already a dead corpse. When the battle was over, he left Kristoff's body and we all thought he returned to the Fade. I never knew that Anders became his new host. He never said a word about it."

"He's suffering because that spirit has warped his thoughts."

"Or it could be quite the opposite." Alethea breathed. "Perhaps those angry thoughts were already in Anders' mind. Justice merely became contaminated with his hatred and their thoughts warped together into a ferocious ball of anger, regret, and vengeance."

Hawke didn't want to argue further. "Whatever it is, Anders needs help."

"I can see what I can do when I take him back to Ferelden, Eden." Alethea looked at Hawke with a sadness in her eyes. "But if push comes to shove, you know what'll happen."

"You will make him tranquil?" Hawke whispered between her own fingertips. The thought itself was heart-wrenching. "Anders would never agree to that…"

"If it is impossible or proves to be too difficult… we'll have no choice but to execute him." Alethea nodded. "I'm sorry, Eden."

Alethea sat with her cousin for a while, hugging her and helping her up from bed.

She knew Hawke had no family to confide in. In her immediate family, back when the Couslands of Fereldan still existed, family was a high priority. Knowing that Hawke had no family nearby only strengthened Alethea's desire to stay in Kirkwall longer. Bethany was with the mages, her every move monitored and restricted by laws. Carver had been long lost, and Hawke's mother was no longer there to keep her company in the haunting halls of the Amell Estate.

Yes, Alethea was definitely going to write to King Alistair about this.

She went downstairs and helped fix breakfast for her cousin. She made an assortment of old family recipes for the morning, including pancakes with maple syrup, fried eggs, sausage, and a medley of jams to go with their toast. She had brought many Ferelden goods that she was sure her cousin deeply missed in her time spent away from their homeland. Hopefully, it would cheer her up.

"Thank you." Hawke smiled as she bit into her toast. "I didn't mean to snap at you, Allie. I know you're only trying to help. I shouldn't have lost it like that. I know you meant well. Your duty as Queen is high, and it should be above all else. I wish I could be as level-headed when it came to these kinds of situations."

"You're still human, Eden." Alethea told her as she buttered her toast. "And don't make me out to be some sort of divine being. I'm human, just like you. I won't blame you for withholding information. Besides, no one is holding you accountable for anything."

"It's just hard to see Anders like this." Hawke explained. "When we first met, he was so different. Perhaps closer to the man you knew."

"Well, to be honest, I didn't get the chance to speak with him much when I met him yesterday so I couldn't tell how much he's changed. But perhaps I should pay him a visit." Alethea caught Hawke's worried glance as she said this and quickly added, "I'm not going to reveal what I know to him yet though. I know you promised him you would not tell."

"Technically I haven't broken the promise." Hawke smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, Eden." Alethea said once more. "I truly am."

"It isn't your fault." Hawke replied. "I know what I did was less than what my friends deserved. I can't imagine them being very pleased with me at the moment."

"I don't think they know yet."

"Huh?"

"Isabela only told me. She didn't say it in front of everyone else." Alethea told her. "Although, if you have the time today, you might want to drop by your boyfriend's place."

Hawke nearly spilled her juice all over her lap as Alethea said this.

"My… my what?" She sputtered like a fool, her face growing flushed.

"Oh, don't be so modest." Alethea smiled. "I'm talking about Fenris, you dolt."

"I know!" Hawke protested. "I know! I just… I didn't think… I don't even…"

Alethea laughed at her cousin again.

"You're teasing me again, aren't you?" Hawke demanded. "Like last night with Isabela? Honestly, you two are just the worst duo to put up with! You _do _realize you're basically twins, right? And did you _really_ sleep with her as well? _With your husband, _no less?" She said with a irritated tone, but a grin was slowly creeping up to break her façade.

"Hush now, Eden." Alethea winked. "I can't tell you about that unless you promise to tell me about your time with that lanky elf of yours."

Hawke blushed.

"See? We've come to an agreement." Alethea laughed. "You tell me about dear, sexy Fenris and I'll tell you about my romantic escapade with Alistair."

"I'm not even interested in your husband in the slightest though." Hawke groaned. "I mean, he's charming and all, but he's your _husband,_ Allie. Think before you speak at least, unless you want me telling on you to him."

"Threatening a queen, are we?" Alethea raised a brow at Hawke.

"Well then, don't get any ideas with Fenris." Hawke said defiantly. "I've got enough headaches with Isabela going after him all the time."

"Oh, dear Eden!" Alethea broke out in laughter. "You can't seriously think I'm interested in your elf, can you? I mean, for one Fenris is far too short for me."

"I don't recall that ever getting in your way before, Allie." Hawke snorted.

"You're right." Alethea snickered as she wiped the tears of laughter from her face. "Honestly though," She started. "You should go see your elf today, Eden."

"Why? What's so important? I'll probably see him today at the pub. We're sort of trying to take things slow." Hawke blushed.

"Well, regardless, he wanted to tell you yesterday night himself. In fact, Isabela said he was insisting on it fervently. She stopped him before he could though, because she thought it might be better if you thought she had been the only one in the scheme."

"He wanted to tell me something?" Hawke asked, puzzled. "Tell me what?"

And then Alethea told her.

All at once, Hawke's world plummeted down to the darkest pit, and her heart dropped from her chest down her stomach.

She was not feeling that hungry anymore.

"He's actually the one who overheard your conversation with Anders yesterday."

* * *

**A/N: **Wow. It has been more than a month since I last updated this thing. I am SO SO SO SORRY about the long delay. I'm horrible, I know. But hey- getting here was a journey in itself.

The good things is, this was a really long chapter and it took quite a few re-edits to get it to it way it was. I'm still not sure if I'm satisfied with it. If you have any ideas, please pass them along to me. Shinkshinkshink was great to work with, even though our time together was short. I loved the input and idea she gave me, so having a few more couldn't hurt, right? :)

However... since I lost my beta, and I got kind of distracted by Dragon's Dogma, it took me forever to roll this one out. I'm afraid at this point that it's just a story dragging itself to its grave. Sorry, it's frustrating, isn't it? Speaking of which, I know I get frustrated at negative reviews, but what's new? I'll live and move on anyway. Can't satisfy everyone.

What do you think of Cousland so far? She's a work in progress, needless to say.

Please review, and give me feedback! I know I probably don't deserve it after having you wait so long for this one, but whether you liked it or not, letting me know wouldn't hurt, right? :)


	29. Together

**Summary: **After Hawke finds Anders trying to sabotage the Kirkwall Chantry, and the whole world of Thedas as she knew it, she puts a stop to his plans and breaks up with him, leading to the rekindling of her past relationship with Fenris. But when she goes to tell Anders that she will keep his genocide plans a secret from the rest of their friends and that she is determined to cure him of Justice, Anders responds by trying to hurt and rape her. Fenris overhears all this and tries to kill Anders, only to be interrupted by Hawke's cousin, Alethea Cousland. Although Hawke tries to play things cool with her friends, when she finds out that Fenris overheard her fight with Anders the following morning, she bolts towards Fenris' mansion without a second thought.

* * *

**Chapter 28: Together**

* * *

"Fenris!" She yelled out, bolting through his front door as fast as she had barged it open. "Fenris! Are you here?"

Her own voice echoed back to her in the large, dusty mansion, and she looked around the front lobby. It was dark, cobwebs littered the corners, and the air was chalky and cold. Portraits and landscapes of unknown places and people hung on the walls. The lights hanging from the ceiling looked unused and moss was starting to break into the structure from the cracks on the roof. Furthermore, the wallpaper was peeling and the floorboards were creaking with each step she took.

Hawke raced up the stairs, sliding her fingers up the railing only to notice that it was very cold, and very dusty. She had only placed her hands on the railing for a few seconds before lifting it to find her fingers caked with gray fluff and debris. She dusted her hands off on her leather pants and continued up the stairs until she found herself in front of Fenris' bedroom. That is, one of the rooms he frequently when he slumbered. There was never really any knowing where he could be in his huge mansion. After all, he slept wherever he pleased in his home. Often times, Hawke would find him in the cellar, or in the library, often accompanied by a empty wine bottle close to his hand.

His usual bedroom door was closed, so she listened carefully for sounds of his presence. But when she heard nothing coming from the other side, she slowly reached out to push the door open, expecting to see a sleeping elf, but only finding an empty bed chamber instead.

Fenris' bed was unmade, as usual, and there was a book lying on the bed by lonely itself. She smiled at the mental image of Fenris reading in bed until he fell asleep, thinking back on the evening she had spent teaching him how to read. It took her a few moments to gather herself back to reality before turning on her heel to venture off in continuation of her search.

She had barely made it past his kitchen when she turned around the corner to his living room only to suddenly find herself staring into a pair of green eyes that were just as surprised as she, and the glean of his gigantic broadsword looming just over her head, inches away from smashing her skull into bits and pieces. She let out a barely audible gasp.

"Hawke!" Fenris lowered the sword immediately. "It's you."

"Who the bloody hell did you think it was?" She asked, raising a brow as she tried to calm down the thumping of her heart. "You certainly gave me a fright!"

"I could say the same for you." He replied with a deep sigh of relief.

She looked up at him and her breath got caught in her throat. She found that her heart was not as easily calmed as she had hoped. This was especially true when Fenris stood before her with nothing on but his pants. She could see so clearly every scar on his skin, the well-defined muscles on his chest, the horrible gash from last night, and the way his tattoos trailed down his stomach to hide under his breeches. She blushed at the thought of last night, the feeling she had of his skin under her fingertips still fresh in her mind.

The lyrium on his skin glowed faintly and was still in the process of dying down as Fenris set down his sword against the wall. Fenris didn't seem phased by the fact that he wore no shirt. Hell, he probably had no idea what effect it had on her.

"So... were you expecting anyone?" She smirked, trying to shake her head of the dirty thoughts.

"No." He replied, his back turned to her.

"Weren't you about to strike me down?" She cocked a brow. "Just who did you think I was?"

"I wasn't sure. You could have been anyone. You can't be too relaxed when you're a fugitive in the city. Slavers could show up any minute, day or night."

"Oh." She answered softly, suddenly feeling depressed at the thought that Fenris had to live his every day in such a way. Every time he brought it up, it made her frustrated. Here she was, daydreaming about him when there was so much to take care of. Was there nothing she could do to help him? Fenris would always answer with a stern 'no'. Over time, she had learned to just let it go and let Fenris carry on in his own way. He preferred it that way.

"Er... what did you want?" He asked, walking back to the dusty coffee table in his not-so-humble abode. "It's quite early, Hawke. I wasn't aware you were awake at this time of day."

"I wasn't." She grumbled. "Alethea woke me up."

"Hm?" He didn't catch what she said.

"I, uh..." Her mind went blank. "I'm here because..."

"From the way you barged in here, I thought you were a hunter trying to take me back in chains." He told her.

"Sorry," She tried. "I was looking for you to talk about something."

"Well, whatever it was, you sounded urgent enough." He told her, dropping himself down on a couch. Dust particles flew into the air. "If I hadn't just woken up, I would have killed you by accident the moment I heard you walk in."

"Oh please," She rolled her eyes. "You would never."

His brow rose. "'I would never', what? Attack you? Or kill you?"

"Both." She smiled confidently, brushing her hair to the side with the back of her hand. "You would never strike at me. And even if you did – let's be honest here - it wouldn't be enough to kill me."

"Quite confident of yourself, aren't you?" He shot her a look.

"You know it."

"Care to test that confidence on me today?"

His eyes flashed dangerously, and she couldn't help but feel a familiar aching of need for him. He was sexy when he had that look about him... so determined and confident. His looming personality was overwhelming, and it sent delicious chills down her spine. Plus, he wasn't even wearing a shirt. A little part of her heart died every second she was with him in this state. She suddenly found herself wondering what kind of reaction she would receive if she tried licking those long ears of his... or perhaps even those dark nipples... Ugh, wait! What was she thinking? This wasn't why she was here!

Maker, this elf drove her nuts sometimes, and he probably didn't even know it. Hawke looked out the window instead, trying to maintain her air of confidence and smug demeanor. What was she thinking? This was not what she came here for...

Er... now that she thought of it, why _was _she here?

"I seem to remember... that we agreed on a sparring match last night." She smirked, trying to not look at his bare chest as he stretched out his morning grogginess. "Or was that my imagination?"

"No, I remember it as well." He stood up from his couch. "I remember it quite clearly, actually."

"Still think you can take me on?" She challenged.

"You may be fast, Hawke," He told her. "But I'm far stronger. I don't need to be fast to catch you." He had that twinkle in his eye, the kind that made Hawke feel weak at the knees. And it didn't help that he had walked so close to her that she could feel his breath on her nose.

"Just try." She said, hoping her voice wasn't quivering.

"Are you blushing, Hawke?" He asked out of the blue.

"What? I am not! What makes you think that I am?" She shot back, looking away and feeling the warmth in her cheeks on her fingertips. Andraste, he was probably right.

He laughed, and it made her heart melt. How often did she get to hear him laugh? What an exotic feeling! Just the experience itself was enough to make Hawke smile uncontrollably. She didn't care that she looked stupid, standing there with her hands on her cheeks, blushing like a mad woman.

"It's your fault!" She accused, pointing at him. "For the love of Andraste, put a shirt on!" She told him, grabbing the tunic that sat on a chair beside her and throwing it in his face. "You daft elf!"

He was taken aback by her seemingly random request, but it didn't take long for him to piece together what was going on in her mind. Hawke was always so transparent, he wondered why he hadn't noticed earlier. If it helped argue his case, he wasn't exactly a morning person. Regardless, Fenris smirked and took the tunic Hawke threw at him into his hand, but didn't put it on. Instead, he reached out to grab her.

Was she always this warm?

He could feel the bones of her shoulders in his palms, and when he stretched out his arms to wrap them around her waist, he realized that it had been quite some time since he had held her this close. Her hair smelled like flowers (of what kind, he had no idea). He felt her intake a deep breath as their bodies melded together, with her back pressed tightly against his chest. He didn't even need to place his palm over her chest to learn that Hawke's heart was beating like a drum. She was pulsating all over.

Was this all because he wasn't wearing a shirt? Silly woman.

"You are strange indeed." He nuzzled at her hair, feeling the silky threads on his skin.

"_I'm _the strange one?" She replied indignantly. "_You're _the one about to go head-on into battle in your own home, wearing nothing but your breeches!" She exclaimed, her hands flying up to clutch his arms. But he didn't let her go.

"I'm starting to think that you have some strange elven fetish." He smirked into her hair.

She turned to look at him angrily. She was trying her best to glare at him angrily, but he could tell that she was anything but. Her face was more flushed than before, in fact.

"I do not!" She argued, pulling away from him with her face flushed again.

"Your heart is racing." He told her. "I could almost hear it."

He pulled closer to her, burying his nose into the curls of her hair once more. His lips brushed lightly against her ear and he felt her shudder. Her hands trembled against his chest, fumbling as she tried to get away, and he felt her breath quicken against him. She always went weak to the bone at his every touch. It was endearing, really.

"Quit that." She said quietly, her breath lost. "You tease."

"All it takes is an elf without a shirt on to make your heart race like a mabari in heat?" He whispered into her ear, smiling. "Had I known, I would have taken my shirt off sooner."

Maker, that voice. It made her heart spring and jump around in her chest like fireworks on display. Even if he had just compared her to a hound, she didn't care. Fenris could recite ancient Tevinter blood magic rituals in Arcanum or the most horrible of Orlesian plays and she would still listen to him talk all day. His husky, honeyed words filled her ears and it was all she could hear. At this point, he would have to be a daft elf indeed to not know what his seductive voice did to her. In fact, she had a feeling he was using it on purpose to torment her.

"Did you just compare me to a mabari?" She asked, faking the shock in her voice as her face flushed bright red. "Why, I never!"

He laughed again, pulled away from her ear, and pecked her lightly on the cheek.

"I find it endearing, Hawke." He confessed as he tried to stretch the wrinkles out of his tunic. "Although, I sincerely hope you're not like this around all elves."

She rolled her eyes and huffed. "For the last time, I don't have a elf fetish!"

Was he always this much a tease in the morning? Hawke wouldn't know, she never really met him this early in the day. In fact, this is the first time she had ever seen Fenris when he woke up. It was a new experience, for the both of them.

"Ugh! Just put your fucking shirt on and let's go somewhere else to talk!" She turned away. "It's cold and stuffy in here. I don't know how you put up with it."

"Well, I find it quite pleasant in the living room at night. I had a fire going last night when I slept here. Perhaps I'll show you sometime. It's quite nice, if I do say so myself."

Ugh. Maker, that suave, husky voice. If this was what she could wake to the sound of every morning, her life would be complete.

"Stop talking!" She snarled, pushing her hand against his mouth. "And do as I told you!"

"Or what?" He said, his voice muffled through her fingers.

"I'll punch you." She warned.

Fenris looked at her skeptically. He brought his face down to hers so close that their noses touched and she could see every shade of green pigment in his wonderfully dreamy eyes. Were it not for her hand, their lips would've already touched and Maker knows she would've lost it there and then.

"Why don't you do something about it?" He breathed past her fingers, his eyes daring her to make a move. His hand rose to pull hers away.

Maker, she wanted to. She wanted to pounce him right on the spot. The aching desire growing between her thighs definitely urged her to do so, but...

"You!" She was at a loss for words. "You cruel, teasing beast!" She accused him, thrashing her fists at him. "I demand to have that fight we talked about last night right here, right now!"

He dodged her blows expertly, chuckling. "You'll have to try harder than – "

He let out a low groan as her fist collided with his flesh for the tenth time, this time hitting him in the chest. A piercing pain stopped him from blocking her playful blows and he was no longer smiling. She wasn't even punching at him hard enough to bruise him. But the sharp pain he felt was definitely real.

"Fenris?" She stopped thrashing a second later. "What's wrong?"

"Ah, it's – it's nothing." He held his hand at his chest and stumbled backward a little. Strange, that shouldn't have happened under any normal circumstance...

"Fenris, your wound!" She gasped, helping him sit on the couch. His hand clutched at his chest in an unrelenting manner, and she had to brush it away. "Let me see it!"

"Hawke-"

"It's starting bleeding again!" She told him upon discovering the blood starting to drip. "Why'd you take the bandages off? The ones I gave you last night?"

"I thought it had healed."

"Are you daft? It's only been a few hours since the brawl!" She told him. "I know you have your pride, but this-"

"I usually let the lyrium do its work for me." He told her. "I had expected it to heal overnight, like most of my wounds do."

"What? I had no idea your lyrium did that!" She look at him suspiciously.

"I'm sorry, I assumed you did." He said genuinely. "Seeing how I seldom need help from any healer, I thought it a obvious conclusion for you. Besides, my markings aren't exactly a preferred topic in conversation..."

Hawke thought about it. Fenris was right. After each of their fights, when everyone had horrible gashes, were missing a few teeth, or had broken a few bones, Fenris would advise Anders to heal everyone else first and foremost before himself. Hawke had always assumed that it had been because Fenris hated Anders and never wanted the mage to touch him. Now she understood that it carried healing powers too. It made sense, of course, she just never thought of it.

"You need to see Anders." She told him, pulling on his arm to get up. "This is terrible, and if your lyrium couldn't heal it-"

"No." Fenris said through his teeth, wrenching free of his grasp so suddenly she almost lost balance and fell over.

"What?"

"You heard me, woman." Fenris growled.

Then Hawke suddenly remembered why she had come here in the first place. She knelt down on the floor at his feet, placing her hand gently at his knee. Her brows curved downward in worry and sorrow, and she found it hard to look him in the eyes.

"Fenris, I... I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"Hawke... what are you-"

"I know what you overheard yesterday." She said, taking in a deep breath. "I came here to tell you that; I remember now. I came here as fast as I could after Allie told me."

"Lady Cousland told you... that I knew?" He was confused, and she didn't blame him.

"Apparently, Isabela gets talkative after a certain point when it comes to Llomeryn rum." Hawke explained, shaking her head and shrugging as she smiled sadly. "Isabela told Alethea what happened, and I woke up first thing this morning to a rather unexpected earful from my cousin." She told him sheepishly.

"I... see." Fenris said. "I imagine it was a rather loud lecture."

"It was, but it made me see things more clearly, if that makes any sense."

"A little."

"I'm so sorry, Fenris." She said, looking at him with fearful eyes. "I didn't mean... I didn't mean to hide everything from you, or the others. I just didn't know how to deal with it at the time. I screwed up, I know... but I hope you can forgive me."

"Hawke..." He leaned over to brush his hands through her hair, feeling the silky texture and admiring the dirty blond curls. He saw his own reflection in her emerald eyes, which he realized now were swelling a little. He bent down, brought her closer to him, and kissed the top of her head gently. "While the thought of you keeping the secret from us made me angry for a while, I understand why you did it. I can't bear the thought of staying angry at you forever. So if it makes you feel better, know that I'm not counting it against you."

"You aren't mad?" She asked meekly.

He shook his head. "No. And I forgive you for keeping your secret." He patted her head.

She sniffed a little and leaned her cheek against his leg. His hand reached for hers, and he watched as their fingers danced with each other on his thigh. He felt Hawke let out a deep breath of relief and smiled.

"I didn't mean to." She said again.

"I know." He reassured her. "I know you didn't."

"I promise – I'll never withhold another secret from you."

"I will hold you to that promise, then." He told her.

She got up after that, wiping her eyes lightly, and stretched out her hand for him to take.

"Come on. We'll have to bandage that up first." She told him. "I know I have some at my house, but I'll bet Anders has a better supply if we-"

"Hawke, don't."

"Fenris-"

Fenris grabbed her wrist so suddenly it made her jump. He glared at her, but the ill intent within she knew was not directed at her. Even so, his hiss was almost ghastly: _"Do not mention his name to me."_ He said through his teeth, brows furrowed so deep she could only see the gleam from his eyes under their shadows.

"Fenris, please-" She started. "I know it's hard and you don't like him-"

"That's putting things lightly." Fenris' words rang in her ears like poison. Even his honeyed voice could not deter her from hearing the spite in his tone. The hatred was not aimed at her, but still made her shudder just to think about it. There was murderous intent in his every octave.

Hawke pleaded with him to listen, but Fenris would have none of it. How come all their conversations were like this? One moment everything was seductive and sweet, but the next moment everything turned into a clusterfuck. Not that Hawke blamed Fenris. She knew what he had overheard yesterday was not easy for a person of his temperament.

"If it is about what you heard yesterday afternoon, I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"You have nothing to apologize for." He said, his voice his raging. "I told you already: I am not angry at you. I am angry at myself... and that wretched abomination for treating you as he did."

Her stomach did a backflip and she turned away from him. She didn't want to think about what happened yesterday. In fact, she didn't want to think of Anders at all. But … it had only happened yesterday, and here she was acting like nothing ever happened, acting carefree and happy, and flirting with Fenris. What was wrong with her? She shook her head wearily.

"Don't be angry." She told him, touching his arm lightly. "Don't be angry at yourself. You had nothing to do with it. I can't begin to explain how sorry I am for what I did."

Right now, her focus should be on Fenris, and how he felt. She couldn't even begin to imagine how it had made him feel. All she knew was that everything he had said last night, even his hug and warm embrace, all made sense now. He wanted to protect her, and he wanted her to know that he cared, probably more than she had known at the time.

"I was there! I could have helped!" Fenris told her, slamming his fist down on the couch to fast she nearly jumped. "You mean to tell me that you are not disappointed that I did nothing to help you?"

"Fenris," She smiled. "I'm a big girl, now. I can take care of myself."

"Don't patronize me, Hawke." He warned.

"I could say the same to you." Hawke told him with a frown. "I don't expect you to be my knight in shining armor, Fenris. I can get things done by myself, in my own way. I don't need you to be there every step of the way. You should know this by now."

"That is not the point." Fenris frowned. "I... I wished to help you then. But I was confused, and I didn't know what to ... Maker, what was I thinking? I should have barged in to put him in his place!"

"Andraste's Grace! I'd sooner thank you for _not _barging in!" Hawke exclaimed. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing that would have been for me? As if this weren't already embarrassing enough, Fenris!"

"You have nothing to be ashamed of." Fenris told her. "I would not have judged you. You were the victim of that maleficar's incessant, pathetic whining."

"That's not the point." She started. "I lied to you all, Fenris. That... That fact shames me, more than you know. Alethea opened my eyes for me this morning, and the first thing I thought of was to apologize for not telling the truth. I... I am your leader... and I failed in the most basics of leadership!"

"You had your reasons." He told her. "But... what happened yesterday with Anders... that was not acceptable, and I could have done something to-"

"Fenris, I know you why you were there. I know you wanted to know more, and I know you only did it because you – and the others - care for me." She told him. "I was selfish. I apologize. But I don't want to talk about-"

"You owe me no apology." He told her softly, his hand cupping her face as he gazed into her eyes. "Like I said, I should have helped you when he-"

"Shush." She stopped his lips with the touch of her fingers. "Don't say it. Don't say anymore. I don't want to hear another word. I mean it."

"Hawke-"

"It was terrible and I was frightened." She told him. "But it wasn't anything I couldn't get out of. I was never in any harm, Fenris..."

"That is a lie." He breathed, moving her fingers away from his lips. Her hand was cold in his. "You were in trouble. And I did nothing to help you when I could. And it frustrates me to oblivion."

"I know it was shocking, but I had it under control." She tried. "If I had wanted, I could've taken on Justice if I had to. I just... I just didn't want to hurt Anders."

"Under that circumstance, you could hurt him and he would still chase after you." Fenris said with rage rising in his voice. "He would have had his way with you."

"But I stopped him!" She pointed out. "He didn't do it because I stopped him! I talked sense into him! He's still there! The old Anders is still-"

"You would defend him still? After what he tried to do to you?" Fenris frowned, his voice rising. "I heard the entire thing, Hawke! You can't hide the truth from me now! I heard the abomination as he tried to force himself on you like the vile creature that he was! What if he had hurt you? What would you have done then? Where would you be now? Think about it for a second!"

"Fenris-"

"You are too careless around him, Hawke." He said wearily. "Your past with him makes you soft-hearted on him. Even you cannot see him for who he is-"

"I am _the only one _who saw him for what he is." She corrected, her eyes fiery and clashing with his. Her nostrils flared up as she spoke, and her lips were pressed to a thin layer. "I can't help that you never liked him from the beginning."

"Why do you defend him so?" Fenris snapped. "I can't believe this!"

"I am not defending him, Fenris!" She yelled. "I wanted to help him, and I thought I could! I tried so hard to make things right! I wanted to believe he could still change!" She shouted with tears nearly bursting from her eyes and stamped her foot.

"Well, for future reference, perhaps you can tell the rest of us before going off on your own?"

"I will!" She told him. "I just... I wanted to try it one more time."

"Well, I hope that will be the _last _time you try to do _anything _with the abomination."

"Fenris..."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes with such intensity it felt like she was drowning into a sea of olive green. Tears stained her cheeks lightly, and her lips quivered as she stared back, afraid to look away. She knew he was angry at her for defending Anders all the time, but she also knew that Fenris felt nothing but care and passion for her.

"I don't care what happens, just promise me one thing, Hawke." He requested as he pulled her close once more. "Promise me... that you will _never _go see him again-"

"What? I can't do that, Fenris! You know-" She started pulling away.

Fenris' fingers flew to her lips within seconds and she stopped her flustered stammering almost immediately, her eyes turned back to him.

"Let me finish." He instructed before repeating: "Promise me that you will never go see him again... without me, or anyone else with you."

"Fenris-"

"Promise me. Please."

It was the first time she had actually heard him beg. Him. Fenris. Begging her. His eyes looked almost glassy enough for her to think that he was going to shed tears for the first time. Her heart knew if that happened, it would break into a million pieces. Was she really going to deny him this promise?

She bit her lip and nodded silently. Fair enough.

"So … does that mean you will see him today?" She asked meekly. "You can't avoid a trip to the clinic forever, Fenris. And to be honest, I think Anders is the only affordable healer we can have these days... unless you'd like to go out of the city to find another capable healer for that gash..."

Fenris grumbled to himself in Arcanum but didn't argue.

"Let's go then." She pulled at his arm.

"I should have killed him while I had the chance." He muttered under his breath as she dragged him along.

"What?" She stopped.

"Nothing." He replied grumpily.

"You were... going to kill him?" Hawke frowned.

"I thought about it." Fenris said quietly before adding: "I'm still thinking about it."

"Well, I'd prefer if you _don't_ think about it anymore." She told him, frowning. "I know you hate him with a fiery passion, but-"

"Passion is for lovers, Hawke." He told her angrily. "I prefer if you don't call it that."

"Fine, fine." She rolled her eyes as she grabbed his tunic again for him. "I know you hate him with the fire of a thousand suns, but you have a wound that needs to be looked at. Please go see him?" She looked at him with sad, pleading eyes.

"If you were wounded and bleeding, would you go to him?" Fenris asked as he pulled his shirt over his head. "Think about it, Hawke. After what he did to you... would you truly go back to him?"

Hawke gulped.

"Well, I..." It wasn't as though she hadn't thought about it. In fact, last night at the bar fight she was thinking that exact thing. What if she suffered a fatal blow and needed help? If it was anyone else, like Aveline or Isabela, she could just give them a day off or even a month, to recover and visit the clinic. But if she was wounded … Sooner or later, they had to visit Anders again. She would have to face him once more. What if she found herself alone with him again?

"You wouldn't, would you?" Fenris demanded. "I know you, and I know what you are likely to do! Don't be a hypocrite, Hawke. You don't much care for seeing the abomination again, do you? Not after what he's done!"

"I..." She didn't want to admit it. "We're going to have to ask him for help at_ some _point! We can't hide from him forever!" She argued.

"I sure as hell can." Fenris scoffed as he adjusted his armor. "It's just a simple wound, Hawke. It will heal, just like any other wound does."

"Fenris-"

"I'm not going, Hawke." He said in very determined tone. "Unless you want me to rip out that loathsome voicebox of his the next time we meet, I am not going anywhere near that clinic, or that abomination. Understood?"

She paused, nervously biting her lip, and then nodded slowly.

WHAM.

Fenris' fist collided abruptly with the wall in his front lobby. She yelped in a pitch high enough for her to question whether it really came from her or not. The wall crumbled into pieces underneath his fist, leaving only a large hole in the wall, and Fenris' arm glowed with that familiar light blue aura.

"Maker, just thinking about it... it takes my every being – my every bit of restraint – " His voice was straining in a painful manner. "My _every droplet_ of respect for you, Hawke – not to storm down there myself to pummel him to death right this instant!"

"Please, Fenris. Calm down-"

"Just thinking about it makes my blood boil." His voice was harsh and unrelenting, and his eyes darkened. His claws were trembling and he was breathing heavily.

"Then don't think about it." She begged.

"I can't stop myself." He told her. "I closed my eyes last night and all I could think of was what I heard, and what I would've seen if I had been there. I tried reading to get my mind off of it, but..."

Hawke could see his jaw twitching in anger, and the veins on his skin looked as though they were about to pop out or burst. Fenris was really upset over this; it was obvious. How did she not notice all night yesterday? Was she the only one who didn't know? Maker, she had been stupid! He had endured this all by himself last night, even when they were joking before heading their separate ways at the end of the night... What a fool she had been!

"Fenris, I'm sorry."

She moved to wrap her arms around him, but he wrenched himself free of her easily.

"I am unfit to be with you," He said, looking away from her.

"What?" She was taken aback.

"I am a man, first and foremost, Hawke." He said. "You must understand... this kind of situation, for a person of my stature especially... I don't know how to deal with it. Maker, I don't even know how I held back for so long knowing what I did."

"It is done, Fenris." She told him. "It is over. There is nothing left for you to do about it. Can't we just move on?"

He grabbed her arm roughly, his claw digging into her flesh.

"Knowing that I did nothing to help?" He growled. "You could've been violated by that maleficar, or even taken to the Void by that demon! And I did nothing but stand by and listen to it all. What sort of man am I? I was so gathered in my own thoughts that could not even step in to help the woman I love."

"It happened so fast, Fenris, there was nothing you could do. I barely had time to react myself." She explained, feeling his talons dig deeper into her arm. "Frankly speaking, I'd say I'm handling it a lot better than most."

But he ignored her last remark and continued, "I wanted to come to your aid... even when I heard you take care of him and disperse the mage of his idiotic attempt to claim you, I still wanted to kill him myself." Fenris' grip loosened around her arm, and she felt the blood rush back slowly.

"Well, the next time it happens," Hawke swallowed. "Next time, I'll bring you along."

"Next time, Hawke." He advised with his eyes glowering. "Next time... your mage will not have his life spared. And if he's lucky, the only thing I'll have pulled out was that black, poisonous heart of his."

* * *

Heads turned and greeted the Queen of Fereldan as she entered the Hanged Man. As usual, her men were stationed outside. The bartender waved to her as politely as a person of his stature could, and offered her a seat next to one of the Hanged Man's greatest patrons – Isabela.

"You told her, then?" The pirate asked as Alethea crossed the noisy bar to sit next to her.

It was nearly noon, yet the pub still maintained its usual quota of customers. Most of the people that frequented the bar at a time like this were the night-shift workers, gambling drunks, or the stay-at-home parents. Or, in their case, mercenaries with little work at the moment. Regardless, it was still packed. The fact that the Queen of Fereldan was present last night also did wonders for the business.

"I'll just take a ginger ale, please." Alethea motioned to the bartender before turning to the pirate with a sigh. "I had to, didn't I?"

"It's still early in the day. Why couldn't you wait until later on in the week?"

"I prefer to get business done and out of the way." Alethea said, brushing her short hair behind her shoulders and puffing at her bangs so that they weren't in her eyes anymore. She needed a light trim. "Besides, you should have seen the way she sprang up and flew out the estate door like there was Archdemon nipping at her feet!" Alethea laughed as she turned to face Isabela.

"To Fenris', I assume?" Isabela smirked, her hand resting at her chin.

"Of course." Alethea replied with a grin. "It didn't even take a second more for me to explain before Eden went out the door, barely having her shoes on! I've never seen her in such a state!"

"Being told that your lover witnessed you almost being raped by another man has that effect, I suppose." Isabela said as she asked for two shots of rum. Alethea's eyebrows rose as the pirate ordered and Isabela only winked. "It's on me, sweetling. Anyway, I'm just disappointed that I didn't get to see ol' Broody's face when it happened yesterday afternoon. I bet you he never wanted to punch Anders' lights out that badly."

"You're playing a dangerous game, Isabela." Alethea warned, taking her ginger ale from the bartender, who smiled at the Fereldan Queen. "Best be careful who emerges victorious."

"You know, despite what you may think, I always plan ahead." Isabela said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Fenris would have never gone through with it. Even if he did, Anders was never in any real harm with Hawke there."

"Loving the drama, aren't you?" Alethea laughed.

"I always do." Isabela smiled as the bartender came back once again to hand her two shots of rum. The pirate handed one glass to Alethea. "And when there isn't any, it's always fun to create some because hey, where's the fun in life without some drama to stir up?"

"You never change." Alethea clinked her glass with Isabela and the two girls downed their shots in seconds. "Do you suppose it's going over well?"

"With Fenris and Hawke?" Isabela shrugged. "With those two, you never know. Fenris is possessive and confused at life, almost as much as Hawke is. She probably feels like shit for lying to us, and breaking her promise to Anders, but at the same time she values Fenris above all else."

"She cares for him deeply, I can tell." Alethea pointed out, pulling her ginger ale closer and playing with it from her straw. "Just from the way they were talking last night... It's obvious."

"It's disgusting, actually." Isabela said outright and sighed. "Lovey-dovey was never up my alley. But it does make me happy to see them together again, I suppose..."

"Jealous, aren't you?"

"A little." Isabela admitted. "Though I can't say I didn't have my fill of Broody back when he was still on the rocks with Hawke." She chuckled.

Alethea coughed into her drink. "You did what? With Fenris?"

"I coerced him into it." Isabela told her proudly. "But it wasn't spectacular. He wasn't all there, you see. I guess it's because he was too busy thinking of Hawke."

"My, my Isabela. Does that mean you're losing your touch?" Alethea teased as she slid her half-full ale over to Isabela for her to take a sip.

"Nah, ol' Fenny was just never interested in me that way." Isabela shook her head. "Hawke's got a good thing with him, if she can manage it."

"It'll definitely be a tough road for them if they decide to stick it out." Alethea nodded. "Especially considering his background. It has me curious though: If his master wants him back so badly, why not just come directly for Fenris?"

"Varric and I thought the same." Isabela nodded after taking a sip of Alethea's drink. The taste of ginger ale and rum mixed together in her mouth, but she didn't care. "That's why Varric's got his guys set up everywhere in the city just in case. You can never be too careful, especially when Hawke's already had a few assailants attempt to take her life."

"Has she?" Alethea turned to Isabela, a little surprised. "And I assume the unsuccessful assassination attempts are promptly dealt with then?"

"For the most part." Isabela ordered another two shots, tossing her coins at the bartender casually.

"'For the most part'? What do you mean? Being my cousin's bodyguard of sorts, I'd advise you to deal with all her assassins promptly." Alethea said with a frown. "Trust me when I say you don't want any unclosed ordeals. You never know when they'll come back to bite you in the ass later. Especially since I hear Hawke's about to step up as Viscount of the city."

"Don't get all business-like on me again, Warden. I'm trying to get you drunk so I can get inside your pants, here."

Alethea chuckled. "I've noticed."

"Anyway, we've taken care of most of the assassins." Isabela smiled. "If you count loose ends, there's only one."

"Better start working on it then." Alethea cleared her throat as she downed another shot with the pirate. "I'll get it done. It's not like I've got anything better to do."

"Oh, must you try to get everything on everyone's laundry list done while your here?" Isabela said in a very bored tone. "This isn't like the old days, Alethea. Besides, we've been howling at the moon for ages now, but to no avail. All we've got is this old, foreign arrowhead. It's gotten us nowhere, and all we know is that isn't from Fereldan or the Free Marches, and likely custom-made. Laced with poison too."

"Maybe I can help." Alethea offered.

"Well, how much do you know of foreign assassins and the like?" Isabela asked as she and Alethea downed another shot each.

"I'd say about as much as you do, I'm afraid." Alethea smirked, wiping the alcohol from her chin. "But I _do _know someone who knows a great deal about assassins." She looked at Isabela with a twinkle in her eyes.

The pirate thought for a seconds, groaned, and then slapped herself on the forehead.

"Ugh, why didn't I think of him sooner?" She exclaimed as she dragged her hand over her face. "It would have been _so easy_ but I was all caught up with my own troubles to think about it! Damn!"

"You reckon he'll be easy for you to find?"

"Easy?" Isabela's lips curved to form a smug smirk from under her hand. "Ol' Zev' will be here in a few days once I send the word. Especially if I add a certain Warden's name to the message..." She winked.

"Oh stop it, you're making me blush." Alethea laughed, though she didn't seem embarrassed at all. Whether or not it was the alcohol was yet to be known.

"Ah-ha! So you _do _remember that night we spent in Denerim!" Isabela snapped her fingers and pointed, accusing the dear queen. "Why'd you deny it last night then?"

"I don't want Eden thinking _too _badly of me!" Alethea defended, pouting. "Why, I used to be her loving guardian and older sister when we were young! I don't intend to spoil _every _memory of me that every existed in her mind! Not all at once, at least."

"My dear Warden, I think all the memories Hawke had of you when you were children went flying out the door when we started talking about the time we tied your husband to the bedposts on my old ship!" Isabela laughed loudly. "Did you see the look on her face?"

"No doubt we gave her some ideas." Alethea giggled gleefully.

"I can only hope so." Isabela snickered. "I love asking her about the details of her romantic excursions later. It drives her mad. She can be such a prude sometimes, you know."

"You never miss a chance to talk about sex, do you?"

"You know that answer better than anyone else, Warden." Isabela smiled, leaning closer to Alethea to smell her hair and touch her lightly on the arm. Alethea made no move to stop Isabela.

"Oh, Zevran was definitely right about you, I'll give him that!" Alethea snorted. "'Sharpest blade in Llomeryn', indeed!" She giggled, tears in her eyes.

"As I recall, you were the one that came back for seconds." Isabela smirked, her voice slightly huskier as she moved her hand onto the Queen's thigh lightly. A few men nearby pointed and gawked, but they didn't care. Isabela leaned closer to whisper into Alethea's ear: "And behind your husband's back, you naughty girl!"

"Oh, shut up!" Alethea hushed, grabbing Isabela by the arms. "And don't you dare go telling Eden about that! She thinks Alistair is my one and only, like a prince and her princess!"

Isabela snorted. "Hawke has another thing coming when she finds out about your secret man-whore on the side, then."

"Don't tell her about it!" Alethea nudged. "I don't want her to know yet!"

"What are you waiting for?" Isabela rose a brow. "It's a good story!"

"For another time!" Alethea begged. "I don't want to shatter my image completely in one go, Isabela. Besides, it's been forever since I even thought about that night..." A blush rose to Alethea's cheeks as she thought of that time years ago.

"Well, if Zev responds fast enough, you'll probably be able to catch him. Unless you plan to stay here for longer than expected?" Isabela shot Alethea a questioning look.

Alethea nodded. "Seeing Eden like this, and learning about Anders has made me more confident of that fact. I'm sure Alistair can deal with me getting out of his hair for a few extra weeks." Her hands still fumbled around Isabela's.

"He won't miss his queen?" Isabela smirked.

"Not a chance." Alethea shook her head. "He's tired of me getting on his case, I reckon."

Isabela laughed. "I guess that means there's more for me, then."

Alethea shrugged, giggling a little before changing the topic: "So... my cousin's going to become Viscount, huh?"

"Eh, it's just a rumor at this point. We don't know for sure." Isabela nodded as she went back to her drink. "But if anyone's good for it, it's Hawke. I'll tell you one thing though: The moment that Templar Meredith steps up as Viscount, you can count me high-tailing it out of this city!"

"Perhaps you can take me aboard with you sometime?" Alethea smirked.

"What would Alistair think!" Isabela gasped. "You're not thinking of jumping ship with your marriage, are you?"

"Not in a million years, Isabela." Alethea laughed. "I'll ask Alistair to join, of course. And don't worry, everything on your ship is going to be completely under your charge." Alethea leaned closer to the pirate this time to whisper additionally: "Especially Alistair. I'll even volunteer to tie him up this time."

"Damn straight." Isabela proclaimed and Alethea giggled. "I can already imagine all the fun we'll be having with the dear king."

"It wouldn't be a party without you, Isabela." Alethea sighed.

"You know, I never believed you when you told me he was actually fine with you sleeping with Zevran and I." Isabela looked at her skeptically. "I still call bullshit on that one."

Alethea shook her head. "Nope, it's the truth. I told him, and he was initially angry at me, but-"

"You had angry sex and it was awesome?" Isabela's eyes became gigantic.

Alethea laughed. "Maybe."

"Oh, you lucky bitch!" Isabela pushed Alethea lightly.

"Well, I figured: He had Morrigan to sleep with. Why not me?" Alethea giggled. "It's not as though he didn't like it! We were even now, right?"

"Oh, you tease." Isabela smirked, looking at the Warden with a familiar gleam in her eyes. "Don't urge me to tip the scale again."

"You're a woman, Isabela."

"Like that's ever stopped us before." Isabela purred.

"I don't think he considers it cheating unless a man is involved." Alethea said.

"That's why Zevran's coming along for the ride." Isabela said as she pulled Alethea off her stool.

"You think he'll remember?" Alethea asked as she followed.

"Silly Warden, of course he will." Isabela smiled as she led Hawke away from the crowds. "He remembers every woman he's every been with. Heck, he'll definitely remember Hawke once he meets her. I wouldn't be surprised if he made a move on her himself. In fact, I'll even dare him too, just to see Fenris' reaction!"

"Maybe he'll even agree to help us give Fenris and Eden that push they need?"

"Oh? I thought you weren't fond of meddling in the affairs of your cousin?" Isabela smirked.

"When did I ever say that?" Alethea replied deviously.

"I'll definitely convince Zev to toss a trick or two their way then." Isabela smirked. "But for now, I'm glad that shot of rum worked on you." The pirate chuckled as Alethea fumbled over the steps.

"You play dirty, pirate." Alethea glared at her, but couldn't resist laughing herself. "Getting a queen drunk in attempt to bed her in a dump like this! "

"Oh, don't play innocent. You like it dirty."

The two girls, both a little tipsy, stumbled into Varric's room. The dwarf was out at the moment, running errands. Isabela pushed Alethea down on the creaky bed and closed the door, smirking. Alethea herself had already begun undressing. Needless to say, Varric was a little surprised when he came back moments later to find two naked ladies in a rather... promiscuous position on top his bed.

* * *

As it turned out, Fenris never got that gash across his chest looked at, and Hawke never pressed him further to go see Anders. It didn't take but a week for the wound to fully heal. Alethea looked at it for a second time and determined that it was due to a poison, most likely smeared on the blade that hit him. She gave him anti-toxins to drink and Fenris felt better within days, although he swore he couldn't feel his taste buds much in the days following.

Neither the wound nor the dreadful tonics hindered Fenris in any way, of course, but Hawke was still worrying about it in the back of her head and Fenris knew. In the course of the next week, he would find her gazing off into a distance before him, deep in thought. True to her word though, she never visited Anders alone, and never asked the mage to check out Fenris' condition. In fact, even when they were together, she could scarcely look into Anders in the eyes.

Yes, they were still hanging out with Anders.

The reason for this was because Hawke and her companions had reached a decision on what to do with the tormented mage. It was a difficult decision, of course, but with Alethea's help and Hawke's determination, they managed to save Anders from a pummeling, thrashing, and certain death.

At first, Hawke had difficulty going about how to confess to her friends what she had done. But when she officially told the rest of the gang what Anders had planned, what she had prevented, and how sorry she was that she kept the truth from her beloved friends, the reactions she got were not at all what she expected. No one was angry at her, not for long at least. In fact, the only two people with profound reactions were Aveline and Sebastian.

Upon hearing that it was in danger, the Guard Captain immediately set up her guards at the Chantry vicinity (discreetly, of course), though that didn't stop her from pounding on the table the moment she heard about it. Hawke swore Aveline looked as though she was about to march over to Darktown to haul Anders off to the Circle herself, or bash his face in with a cement brick, but was glad that Alethea was there to calm things down so that neither happened.

Sebastian, needless to say, was not at all pleased at the news of his Chantry and Grand Cleric Elthina being in danger. Though the fact that Aveline had issued more guards around the perimeter set his heart slightly more at ease, out of all Hawke's friends Sebastian was the most direct with his demands: He wanted Anders dead, very badly. Alethea tried to remedy the prince's anger as well, and managed with some difficulty to persuade Starkhaven's heir that she would be taking Anders back to Fereldan to either turn him over to the Circle, make him Tranquil, or behead him.

For the most part, Varric, Isabela, Merill, and Fenris said very little on the subject. This might have had something to do with the fact that Isabela and Fenris had already known what had happened and had their 'talk' with Hawke in private, and Varric could care less about Anders' misbehavior as long as Varric himself was not in harm's way and reserved the right to write about it later. Merrill expressed haughty displeasure at knowing that Anders had sullied the mage title, but all that resulted in was Fenris calling her a hypocritical Blood Mage, which only led to further arguments that Hawke and Alethea had to split up.

Though the hard part was over, getting everyone to agree on giving Anders another chance still took combined efforts. Hawke had never been so glad to have her cousin at her side, and Fenris there to support her. Even Isabela, usually filled with nothing but sex stories and perverted jokes, chimed in here and there to help persuade Sebastian and Aveline to lay off Anders.

In the end, they decided to still accept Anders as their ally. Since Alethea did not want to scare Anders into running again, she suggested they all pretend Hawke had kept her end of her bargain with Anders and had never told them a word of Anders' crazed bombing experiment to them. Instead, they would just feign ignorance and act as though Hawke and Anders had a bad break-up. Of course, they did not know that Hawke and Anders actually _did _have a bad break up... sort of. But Hawke chose to omit the part with Anders forcing himself on her. That was in the past now and they didn't need to know about it.

"I don't know if I can do that." Aveline said stubbornly, her arms crossed at the table. "I don't even know if I can look at his face anymore without wanting to tear it off. A traitor is a traitor, through and through."

"I agree." Sebastian nodded. "I mean, how could he think to do such a horrible thing? Not just to the Grand Cleric, but also to many others-"

"Please," Alethea held out her hands to silence them. "Just give it a chance, won't you? Eden thinks that it might be good for us to try and remember who Anders was before this happened. He wasn't always like this. I can vouch for that personally. I knew him before he ever met Justice, or any of you, for that matter."

"Yes, welcome the dangerous maleficar back into our merry band of mercenaries. That sounds like a spectacular idea." Fenris muttered sarcastically. Hawke nudged him with her elbow.

"I want to give it a try, I really do." Sebastian told Hawke from across the table. "But I just can't. You know how I feel about the Chantry, Hawke, I just-"

"Choir Boy, if it helps you out, I'll say that none of us are quite too pleased with this." Varric said, patting Sebastian on the shoulder. "But if Hawke wants to believe in him, why not give him this last chance?"

"She believed you were the rightful heir to the Starkhaven throne." Alethea pointed out.

"I'm not asking for you to follow every decision I make." Hawke announced loudly over the arguing. "And I'm not asking for you to follow me blindly every step of the way, trust me. But I _do _want to try and break Anders' curse. He was my friend once, and he needs my help. He needs _our _help."

"What if there is no cure?" Sebastian asked, frowning.

"If it doesn't work, I'll give him up to Alethea." Hawke admitted sadly. "I told Alethea I would. I intend to keep that promise. So no matter what happens, Anders will likely be far away from here."

"Why don't we just be rid of him _now_?" Sebastian frowned.

"If we manage to bring Anders back, to figure a way to rid him of Justice, then he might still stand a chance." Alethea said. "I'm with Eden on this. If there's even a little sliver of hope that the real Anders is still in there, then we have to try!"

"You've been reading too many of those Fereldan fairytales." Fenris said. "It isn't going to work like it does in the stories."

"Fenris, please." Hawke shot him a look. "Just let us give this a try."

"I'm not going to help the abomination rid himself of a curse he procured by himself who-knows-when." Fenris told her. "I thought we went over this."

"Then don't." Hawke replied. "I don't need you all to run around town asking suspicious questions. All I need you to do is support my decision to let Anders stay for a while longer."

"Well, you already know what I feel about the matter." Sebastian said before pausing for a short while. He sighed and replied slowly: "But... I respect your wishes, and Lady Cousland's ideas, even if I do not agree with them."

"Thank you, Sebastian." Hawke said gratefully.

"So what kind of things are we looking for to break this curse anyway?" Aveline asked. "I mean, do we even have a clue as to where to start?"

"Some ancient texts in the Dalish camps might have some answers." Merrill suggested. "Ooh! I can ask the elder if she knows anything of it! Perhaps she can help! Why don't we go ask?"

"Yes, ask a maleficar for help against another maleficar. Brilliant. After all, that's how this whole thing got started, wasn't it?" Fenris' sarcastic tone did not go unnoticed.

"Oh, don't be so sour, Fenris." Isabela said as she turned to Merrill. "Don't worry, kitten, I think it's a idea worth delving into. I'll go with you tomorrow, okay? We'll even bring Varric and Fenris."

Merrill nodded.

"What? Why me?" Fenris frowned. "I'm not going."

"Fine, I'll just take Sebastian along instead." Isabela shrugged, not caring one bit for the brooding elf's cold demeanor. She was far too used to it by now. "How does that sound, Hawke?"

"Sounds like a good way to get started." Hawke smiled.

Alethea clapped her hands together. "And while we're at if, we should all go research some ways to see what we can do. I've tried all I can, but there might be things I've overlooked! After all, I'm not from the city! I've also asked some of my assistants in Fereldan to help as well!"

"Good!" Hawke beamed. Sometimes, her companions could be totally sweethearts, she admitted. Fenris looked at her and sighed.

"I do understand that not all of you want to help, and I'm not forcing you to. I just appreciate you for giving this a chance. To do this, I'm going to need everyone with me. I'm going to need support, from all of you." Hawke especially looked at Fenris as she said this.

"Don't worry about me, Hawke." Fenris said. "You do whatever you want with the abomination. Just remember your promise to me."

"Promise? Ooh- what's this?" Isabela leaned forward to hear more, smirking.

"Hawke promised she would not visit him by herself." Fenris said casually.

"What?" Aveline raised a brow. "She's not a criminal, Fenris. Are we to monitor her every movement now?"

"Yeah, isn't that your job?" Isabela giggled.

He ignored the pirate. "It's for her own good." He replied. "I'm not taking chances."

"I understand that he broke up with you, but making sure that she's always with another person? I mean, they _did _have a long relationship, but... that's an invasion of personal privacy, don't you think? We're not her parents, Fenris."

"If you had any idea what he did to-"

"Well, let's just leave their promises to themselves," Isabela cut in, frowning at Fenris and patting him on the back before he could finish his sentence. "I think that the time for talking about all this stuff is over, and the time for cutting open a new bottle of Llomeryn rum is about to start!" The pirate howled as she brought out a large bottle of rum to share, and half their party groaned, knowing that the night would entail if they stayed. The other half cheered, for they too wanted to relax and think nothing more of the situation.

"Spoken like a Rivaini!" Varric raised his mug. "Screw Hawke saving the city and getting rid of the big, horned terrorist! I'll put in my vote in for you as Viscount any time!" He grinned.

"Oh, shut up." Isabela told him.

As the cards were dealt and the drinks served, Hawke reached over to grab Fenris' hand lightly. She sat at the end of the table, right next to her beloved elf, and felt his hands upon hers beneath the table. It made her feel warm inside, and she was never more glad to have him at her side.

* * *

**A/N:** I wrote this about the same time as the last chapter, give or take, and finished it the same time I finished my first one shot (which isn't that great so I'll advise you against reading it if you aren't a Anders x F!Hawke shipper). Anyways, I hope this chapter didn't feel rushed. I'm adding a few hints to the story for some allusion and mystery. But in case it wasn't obvious, the next Chapter will be titled, 'Assassin', because guess who will be joining the banter? :)

Also, just so I know...

_On a scale from 1 to 10, how close are you guys from hating me for not adding a hardcore, bondage scene with Hawke and Fenris in this chapter?_ 1 = 'I could wait a couple more chapters'; 10 = 'ERMAGERD I NEED SMUT NAO'. Answer in the box below!

Remember, reviews are what I need to keep this going though, so please write to me! Thank you for reading~ ADL


	30. Assassin

**Summary: **When Hawke sabotages Anders' plans to blow up the Chantry, she tries desperately to find a cure for his growing insanity, but to no avail. Anders refuses to help himself, which irritates her. On top of that, Anders tries to get Hawke back with repercussions to their already wounded friendship. As Fenris and Hawke are trying to build back their own relationship, Alethea Cousland - Hawke's cousin - enters the scene to fix things, including making sure Hawke is safe from assassins, researching the cure for Anders, and calling in an assassin from another country to better obtain some much-needed information.

* * *

**Chapter 29: Assassin**

* * *

"Look, all I'm saying is that I'm starting to feel guilty about the whole thing again." Hawke insisted, turning to her cousin as they walked up the Hightown steps. "I mean, while I realize it's been more than two weeks since we told everyone about it, I start to feel more and more like an arse every time it comes up in my mind!"

"Well, stop thinking about it then." Alethea said. "It's been done. You have this bad habit of dwelling and thinking back on the past, you know."

"I can't help it." Hawke said, struggling to keep up as she spoke. "Who were we to sit there like a council, passing judgment? We're not your Fereldan court, Allie. I'm just not used to this."

"Well, seeing how you're bound to be named Viscount any second, I suggest you get yourself accustomed to it." Alethea replied hastily. "Can't we talk about something else? You've been ranting about this for hours now! You're such a worrywart, Eden."

It had been two and a half weeks since Hawke had told all her companions about Anders and his operations for mage liberation. She told them everything, save for the fact that Anders tried to assault her. That part was best left out for now. Only Fenris, Isabela, and Alethea were aware about it anyway, and that was already one too many people knowing for Hawke's taste.

Regardless, everyone - even Lady Cousland – tried to remain diligent in their quest to seek answers for the Void and spiritual possession. Unfortunately, Hawke and her companions didn't have much luck finding anything of use. In fact, they had more trouble trying to keep Anders from being suspicious than they did actually going around the city to help find evidence that a cure even existed. Hawke didn't want to give up, but things never ceased to drag her down, especially with Fenris breathing fire down her neck every time Anders was mentioned, which was quite often in the recent weeks.

It was a perfectly sunny day today, and Hawke had been running around Kirkwall for a few hours now with her cousin, trying to gather information and help out as they could. She was also accompanied by Aveline, Isabela and Fenris, and of course they were always open for odd jobs and requests. Even if Hawke was in no mood for a overload on jobs this week, Aveline would not have let her hear the end of it if Hawke turned down a single call of distress and neither – of course – would her diplomatic, yet borderline-crazy-when-drunk-and-off-the-clock cousin. Hawke had a strong feeling half of Alethea's reasons for staying in Kirkwall involved relaxing on a fun vacation, which Hawke took to mean that the Fereldan court politics were finally getting to her. But Anders' situation here was too heavy to ignore for the Queen of Fereldan.

So there they were – the five of them roaming Kirkwall for jobs and finishing up errands, when it just so happened while they were trekking back up the Hightown stairs through the Red Lantern District that a rather peculiar opportunity presented itself to the Champion and her entourage.

"You there!" A man shouted at Hawke from the shady corner of the Red Light District. They had barely arrived in Hightown. "You are Champion of Kirkwall I've been hearing of, are you not?" He asked, his words broken with his Antivan accent.

Hawke turned to see a tall, brown-haired fellow standing around with a few of of his soldiers. He had clear gray eyes and a long, scruffy goatee. Mercenaries? Foreigner scouts? Or maybe some new gang she hadn't heard of yet? It didn't matter, she had nothing to lose anyway.

"Yes, I'm Hawke." She approached them, with her cousin and friends close behind. "And you are?"

"Ah, Nuncio at your service." He bowed slightly. "Me and my men come from Antiva, as you might have guessed. We're in urgent need of someone of your... expertise."

Hawke cocked her brow. "Oh? And what is this job, Nuncio?"

"Well, we came here in search for a elf." He told her outright.

At that moment, she could almost feel Fenris flinch from the behind her. She felt her own heart skip a beat and heard Aveline's breath stop short. Hawke's hand almost instinctively reached for the dagger on her back, her actions mirrored by her cousin. Their obvious shuffling made Nuncio and his men stare in alarm.

"Slavers!" Fenris muttered under his breath. Hawke didn't even need to look back to know that he was frowning with his hand twitching on the handle of his blade.

"No, no!" Nuncio pulled up his hands, bearing no weapons towards them. His Antivan accent minced his words as he explained: "I am no slaver! And I'm not interested in just any elf, ser. I'm hunting down an assassin, you see."

"An assassin?" Hawke's hand did not loosen around her blades' handle. "And what connection do you have with such an person?"

"Does it matter? All I need to know is if you can get the job done."

"I can, but it doesn't mean I will." Hawke replied, her opinion of the Antivan man dwindling by the second. "I prefer to hear a little more of the big story before deciding who I help and align myself with. These days, everyone's a critic and I'd rather not give the town something heinous to talk about."

Nuncio sighed. "Very well. I am a Antivan noble and I'm hunting an assassin who has betrayed my family and run away."

Hawke frowned. An Antivan noble... what in the bloody Void had he doing in the Red Lantern district, the shadiest part of Hightown? Normally, nobles would never associate themselves with such places...

"You mean he was your slave?" Alethea asked Nuncio, squinting.

If Nuncio knew that Alethea was Queen, he certainly didn't show it.

"No, no. He was no slave. This has nothing to do with slavery. He was an assassin that we hired." Nuncio explained. "But he betrayed us and is on the run. He has already killed many of my brethren. I hear he's been seeking refuge in the Dalish camps outside the city, but alas I do not think they take kindly to strangers. I heard you have frequent dealings with the Dalish over there, so I wanted to ask for your help. That is, if you'd be so kind..."

Hawke looked at Alethea, and then to her other companions. Isabela just shrugged and Fenris offered no opinion. Aveline seemed to be for the idea, and so was Alethea.

"I'm on it." Hawke nodded to Nuncio, though she was still distrustful of the fellow. He seemed fishy, and she couldn't help but brush her fingers against the handle of the hidden blade she had strapped to her thigh as she turned her back to him to leave.

"Good!" Nuncio replied, delighted. "I will meet you at a camp we've set outside the city. Come find us when the deed is done and I will award you handsomely!" He assured her as they departed.

Heads turned to greet and wave bashfully at the Champion of Kirkwall as she and her friends walked through the Red Light District, passing the Blooming Rose. Isabela in particular was chatty with those standing outside as they passed. Aveline had to practically grab the Rivaini by the arm for them to continue down to the Hightown Square. Nevertheless, when they reached the outside of Hawke's Estate and were undoubtedly out of earshot of others, Isabela cleared her throat.

"Have something to say, do you?" Alethea smirked at the pirate.

"I was going to advise us not to get too distracted, but I suppose he all had us on full alert when he mentioned the elf hunt." Isabela replied with a snort.

"I agree. Smells fishy, that Nuncio." Hawke nodded. "Glad I'm not the only one to think so."

Aveline sighed. "All I know is that I nearly had a panic attack when he said he was hunting a elf. I even saw Isabela hold her breath in."

"All of us flinched, trust me." Hawke grimaced at the thought.

"It was certainly... unexpected." Fenris agreed, his voice more relieved than frantic.

He had to admit that he had become rigid the moment he heard Nuncio talked of capturing an elf. The idea of Danarius hiring foreign mercenaries and slaves had crossed his mind, of course. But there was just too many possibilities for Fenris to keep track of and he couldn't possibly stand guard on full alert every minute of his life. Though he preferred to deal with his past alone, he realized the idea of having close allies had grown on him. Times like these made him feel more at ease, knowing that he had companions who were genuinely concerned and protective of him.

"Good thing is he wasn't interested in slaves." Aveline nodded.

"Or so it seems." Fenris warned. "You never know."

"I don't know. He didn't seem that bad to me." Aveline replied, shrugging. "I'm not judging until we know all the facts. He could be telling the truth. But I see it's four against one on this, so I'll just keep my mouth shut for now."

"Let's just be careful with this one." Hawke advised, with Alethea nodding. "All we need to do is pay extra attention to the details."

"I'll tell you what you _need to do_: Go get some guards around here." Aveline pointed to Hawke's home, her shield clunking below her arm.

It was true; Hawke's Estate, even in the daylight, looked quite unfitting for a person of her stature. These days, everyone knew the Champion. Heck, everyone knew where she lived. However, the only indication that the estate belonged to the Champion of Kirkwall was the large Amell crest over the top of the large entrance doors. At the moment though, Hawke's Estate looked more like the Fereldan queen's temporary vacation home than it did the Champion's home. Alethea's royal guards, carrying their flags on metal poles, were stationed outside the Hawke manor like vultures, practically ready to strike anything the moved. (Hawke also had a feeling Alethea had men stationed in the shadowy corners of the city, as well as some disguised agents littered around her just in case.)

"Alethea has her guards here. I don't need any." Hawke protested.

"Lady Cousland isn't going to be here forever." Aveline replied. Despite Alethea's insistence, the guard-captain was still dead-set on calling her 'Lady Cousland' or 'Warden Commander'. This was probably because Aveline still held Fereldan as her honorable homeland. Then again, perhaps the Guard-Captain didn't feel very comfortable with Alethea's personality yet. After all, if Alethea weren't the Queen, Aveline would probably have lost it what with Alethea and Isabela giggling and making lewd comments all the time. It was like they were joined at the hip at birth – except that Alethea actually had a sense of duty and honor to her homeland, which made it a little better.

"Agreed." Fenris nodded.

Hawke groaned. "Not this again. For the last time: I'm not going to hire guards, Aveline. They're just going to be a pain in my ass!" She told the frowning Guard-Captain. "While I appreciate the concern you have for me, I would rather keep my estate free of sellswords and vagrants."

"They're going to be _my _men, Hawke." Aveline argued. "They're not sellswords."

"Whatever they are, I don't need them." Hawke boasted: "I can take care of myself; you know that."

"Careful now," Fenris smirked. "I can see your head is swelling."

"I'm not worried about your fighting capabilities, Hawke." Aveline frowned.

"Well, if you're worried about your messages getting to me quickly enough, I'll tell you that Bodahn runs fast for a dwarf. Besides, he, Sandal, and Orana are enough to keep watch on the house and take care of it." Hawke said proudly before adding to a frowning Fenris, "And I pay them."

"That's not the point." Fenris told her, holding up his hand to stop her protests. "You live, more or less, by yourself with no one else capable to protect you. In fact, I'd say you do more protecting at home than you do anywhere else."

"Orana _does _have the tendency to spill and trip on things." Alethea reminded Hawke. "Remember this morning, when she burnt the toast?"

Hawke groaned and grumbled, "Yes."

There was some truth in that statement. Orana had a penchant for getting herself into trouble, always falling over books on the floor, tripping down the stairs, or burning herself in the kitchen by accident. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Ever since Leandra had passed, Orana took over the cleaning and cooking, which Hawke appreciated with all her heart. However, the little elven maid was turning out to be more of a handful than she thought. Bodahn and Sandal could only handle so much. Well, Bodahn mostly because Hawke had no idea what Sandal did half the time.

"I don't care." Hawke said at last, shaking her head. "I'm not hiring anyone to keep watch in my home and that's final. I tried it once last year, and I certainly didn't like it. I can't say I'm overly fond of being watched while I eat, sleep, bathe, and re-"

"You had someone keep watch on her while she bathed?" Fenris turned to Aveline, his brows raised. "For what purpose?"

"Relax. It was a female guard, for one." Aveline rolled her eyes at him. "Besides, you never know where or when dangerous people will strike. Most cases I have concerning female victims involve them being in a vulnerable state, most likely when in the bath or sleeping. I thought it was a good idea. It's not as thought it's hurting her. I don't know what the big deal is."

Fenris turned away and said nothing. He didn't need to be thinking of Hawke in the bath at a time like this. Isabela giggled and he shot her a cold glare, which the pirate replied to by sticking her tongue out at him in a rather lewd manner, gesturing towards him and Hawke. He rolled his eyes and just looked away. Alethea just smiled at the two of them, nudging Isabela to stop making fun of the poor elf.

"Oh, shut up whore." Aveline told the pirate as she caught her making faces.

"Let's just go." Hawke sighed, shaking her head, unaware of what was going on behind her. She started making her way out of the city walls. "We'll talk about this later, I'm sure."

* * *

As it turned out, the aforementioned assassin was nothing like they had anticipated. At least, not for Hawke. Although she had a feeling that Isabela and Alethea knew something she didn't. For one, the two of them were tossing each other stares and whispers throughout the entire trek, from Sundermount, to the Dalish camps, and in the caves. While it took Hawke a while to be get used to the idea of her cousin flirting with Isabela to begin with, she was more irritated at the fact that they were both trying to gang up on her. Fenris said nothing about the two girls and Aveline constantly tried to maintain her temper with Isabela without disrespecting the Queen of Fereldan.

"Alright - What is going on here? Honestly." Hawke demanded, turning around to greet the two giggling girls. They were stopped in the middle of the steps going down the caves. Hawke had been hypothesizing plot after plot in her head, and she knew that her mind tended to blow things out of proportion the more she pondered. "Out with it. You guys know something we don't."

"One of Isabela's schemes, no doubt." Aveline scoffed.

"Hey!" Isabela defended. "My schemes are totally worth it. And useful."

"I have no idea what you two have planned, but whatever it is – it better not make my life a total Blighted disaster." Hawke warned, pointing her finger.

"Hey! Since when have any of my plans turned out to be a turn for the worse?"

"Oh, I think I can name quite a few just off the top of my head." Aveline said.

"Me too." Fenris added.

"Whatever," Isabela rolled her eyes. "Let's just meet this assassin, alright?"

"Why so eager? Do you know him?"

"Sort of." Isabela smirked and winked. "You'll see."

"Isabela-"

"Trust me, Eden." Alethea cut in. "I have a feeling Isabela and I know who it is. In fact, if it _is _him, I reckon my letter got there just in the nick of time."

"You _asked_ an assassin to come to Kirkwall?" Hawke gaped at them in disbelief. "For what purpose? What in the Void is going on?" She demanded.

"Well, we were looking into ways to help." Alethea explained. "I have old connections that may help. Why not give it a try?"

"An assassin?" Hawke stood there, hands on hips, shooting skeptical looks at the both of them. "And just how is an assassin going to help us? What, do we need to have someone killed?"

"Depending on who's the target, the idea _does _seems appealing." Fenris muttered. Hawke heard the words 'mage' and 'abomination' follow shortly after.

"If it's who we think it is, then he'll know a great deal." Isabela nodded. "And judging by the looks of these traps he's set, it might very well be Zev."

"_Judging by the looks of these traps,_ he's not likely to come quietly." Hawke muttered loudly. "Although it's strange that Nuncio didn't know where the assassin was hiding. I mean, it's not as though your assassin's hiding himself. He practically told us where he'll be."

"Maybe our friend Nuncio is no friend of the Dalish." Fenris replied. "They aren't very welcome to outsiders to begin with. Maybe they got off on the wrong foot with Nuncio."

"I'm sure our Assassin did it so none of the Dalish would be involved." Alethea said as she tiptoed past a hidden, metal trap on the cave floor. "You know how Zev is with the Dalish."

"Oh, I remember." Isabela smirked. "You trying to reminisce about the good old days, dear queen? I'm sure all those stories about you and him are true..."

Hawke groaned. "Can you guys be more on-topic, please? Who is this 'Zev' and how do you know him anyway?"

Alethea smiled. "If you must know, he's a old companion of mine, and he's an Antivan C-"

"Watch out! Varterral!"

Hawke's eyes bulged out wide and she barely managed to roll out of the way from those sharp legs and teeth. By the time she got back up, her companions were already attacking the beast. After all, they had dealt with a Varterral before, how hard could another be?

"I thought we killed this thing already!" Fenris yelled as the Varterral's arm lunged for him. He blocked it with the blunt side of his blade.

"Should we go and ask it to die nicely?" Alethea offered with glee as she nocked an arrow loose. It hit the Varterral square in the forehead, and it writhed in pain, twisting and turning, fumbling in haste to charge for the queen instead of Fenris.

"Merril said they'll continually revive as long as they have something to guard!" Hawke yelled, her arm slightly grazed. "Clever of this assassin friend of yours, using the Varterral as a guard dog!"

Unfortunately for this 'Zev' fellow, Hawke and her friends had no trouble killing the Varterral a second time. Hawke's blades dug deep into its head moments later, and after the beast ceased its twitching and writhing, Hawke heard a light shuffling behind her. Her weapons were still drawn when she twisted around on full alert.

There, a blonde elf stepped out of the shadows. Where had he been this entire time? Was he just watching them? His skin was as tanned and dark as Fenris' and black ink covered one side of his face. Hawke wondered for a second if they were some sort of Dalish pattern. If so, she certainly didn't recognize them.

"Now _you_ I wasn't expecting," He took a low bow, his Antivan accent ringing the cave. He smiled, oddly intrigued and friendly towards the group that was 'hunting' him. "How do you do? My name is Zevran Aranai, adventurer and … occasional assassin."

"Wait-" Aveline blinked, shifting her weight. "You're that elf they say helped stop the Blight with the Queen, aren't you? The rogue assassin?"

It didn't take Hawke a second to dart her eyes to the daggers this elf had on his back. Ah, she _thought _the name had sounded familiar. Alethea had mentioned this elf's name a couple of days ago. Hawke turned to see both Isabela and Alethea smirking.

"The one and only, my lady." Zevran replied. "Though I must admit, I was waiting for an assault by the Crows, not the mighty Champion of Kirkwall herself."

"And just how do you know I'm the Champion?" She asked, suspicious and frowning. "Even if you've heard of me, you've never met me before."

"Slayer of Qunari, Deep Roads explorer, and a beauty to make the gods jealous? You underestimate your fame." Zevran chuckled in his wonderfully exotic voice.

Fenris shifted behind her uncomfortably, a low, growling hum coming from his throat.

Hawke didn't even know how to respond to Zevran. Such obvious flattery was not enough to make her cheeks warm. It made her laugh at the corniness, but it was the thought that counted she supposed. Still, she wondered how this assassin knew so much about her without having met, and instantly turned to Alethea.

"Care to explain?" She asked her cousin, gesturing her hands towards the Antivan.

Alethea cleared her throat and stepped up, smiling to herself.

"My, my! You are a sight for sore eyes, _mio bellissima!_" Zevran smirked at the queen, bowing as far as his flexibility allowed (which was quite low, actually). "How long has it been,_ amore_?"

"Too long, I'd say." Isabela replied.

"Ah! Such lovely beauties, all together! How you spoil me!" Zevran exclaimed. "When I read your letter I almost cried in joy! I thought, 'could it be that such a dream has come true yet again'? I made it here as fast as I could for a man on the run! I must see it for myself!"

"And now here we are," Isabela said. "Just like old times."

"You haven't changed a bit." Alethea pointed out. "It must have been a pain to get here."

"Ah, compared to a chance to be by your side once more, it is nothing." Zevran took Alethea's hand in his. "I would storm the dark city itself for you, my queen. Never doubt it."

Hawke snorted before turning to Zevran: "Now, when you say 'assault by the Crows,' I assume you're not talking about birds." She asked.

"Oh my!" Zevran exclaimed, his hand covering his heart. "You have not heard of us? How can this be? We are the finest guild of assassins, an object of fear throughout the lands for any man with wealthy enemies. Or … I should say, _they_ are," He corrected, still smirking. "For you see, I am no longer a Crow - a fact they find unacceptable."

She raised an eyebrow. "You... left the guild so now they're here to hunt you? There must be more to it than that..."

"Ah, but that is the heaviest of offenses to the Crows, believe me." He told her. "Though... I may have also killed the last four assassins they sent after me. And, ah, all their men. Oh, and the Guildmaster. In fact, if you were a Crow, you might make a fortune bringing me in! You should consider a career change!" He laughed, his voice resonating in the cave.

Hawke couldn't help but smile a little again. She looked at him, intrigued, and spoke her mind: "You … you are not at all what I expected."

"See? I told you she'd like him." Isabela nudged Alethea. Fenris frowned and Aveline just shook her head. Isabela propped her arm up on Alethea's shoulder as she talked: "So what now? You want to just say 'fuck it' and get some real business done? Zevran here has traveled around most of Thedas. He knows more than he cares to let on. He can help us, Hawke."

"But what about the hunters?" Alethea asked.

"Ah! Let me guess," Zevran's looked inquisitively towards them, walking back and forth as he talked. "A man named Nuncio has asked you to capture a dangerous killer, yes? What did he say this time? That I killed his wife? Butchered his parents? Sold his children into slavery? Or did he tell you he was a noble from Antiva, charged with capturing a ridiculously handsome fugitive?"

Hawke laughed uneasily at his words.

"He didn't mention _how _handsome." Alethea smirked.

Hawke shot her cousin a look.

"Ahh, how good it feels to see you again, my dear!" Zevran let out a long exhale, his eyes lingering on Alethea a second more before turning back to Hawke. "You can bring me to Nuncio if you wish, Champion." He told her without hesitation. "But I warn you, he intends to kill you. The Crows do not like loose ends... unlike myself." He chuckled and then continued in the same lighthearted manner. "But you are a woman who can clearly handle herself, yes? Why worry?"

Hawke shot Alethea a look. Her cousin traveled with _this _man during her battle against the Blight? Zevran definitely did not match her ideal image of a Grey Warden. But then again, the only Wardens Hawke ever knew were in Lothering, and none of them were assassins.

"So," Zevran continued, smirking at Hawke. "You can either tie me up, gag me, and then manhandle me... or you can take me to Nuncio. Which will it be, I wonder?"

Fenris coughed.

Hawke couldn't help herself from smiling yet again. What a strange elf indeed! She had never heard of or met any of these 'Antinvan Crows' before, but she sure hoped not all of them were this... exotic with their words. He was rather humorous, and she liked that. She let out a small chuckle before stating, "You're very compliant for a fugitive."

"Compliant, yes," He nodded with a smirk again. "And very bendy." He added. "But truthfully, I know when I am outmatched. I would rather take my chances against the Crows."

It was nice to deal who wasn't a complete idiot for a change, Hawke noted. At least Zevran knew that the odds were against him. She also suspected that he knew that there was no way she was going to turn him over to Nuncio. Although, from Alethea's giggling and Isabela's stares, Hawke had a feeling the 'tie me up, gag me, and then manhandle me' part might already have been decided, whether Hawke wanted it to happen or not.

She sighed and shook her head. "I'm not going to hand you over to someone who lied to me." She said before adding with a smirk a raised brow, "Especially if they have plans to kill me."

"Asking the Champion _and _the Queen of Fereldan for that job was probably a bad idea." Alethea nodded to her cousin. "Though they probably had no idea who I was."

"I apologize," Zevran bowed. "My former companions are rather poorly informed on Fereldan politics. It's a wonder they knew about the Blight at all. But do not worry! I would never forget a face as beautiful as yours, _amore_." He winked. "Ah. And as a suggestion, you might wish to deal with Nuncio. If you don't, he will only come after you."

"What about you?" Hawke asked.

"Oh, don't worry about me, I can handle myself." He assured her. "I shall meet you at the camp! It's been more than a pleasure, my dear Champion. I look forward to speaking to you some more when this is all done and over with!"

"Wait!"

She called out to him but Zevran was already gone, moving from boulder to boulder like a cat until they could no longer see his shadow. Huh. Perhaps he could train her to move like that, Hawke thought. It might be useful to learn some new techniques, and who better to learn than from a accomplished assassin?

Fenris let out an impatient grunt. "Are we just going to let him go like that? I thought we needed his help, though it seems he's more interested in... other things."

"Well, regardless of whatever 'help' he's going to give us, we'll have to help him deal with his enemies first in order to sit down and talk." Hawke said, sighing. "And what exactly is going on with the two of you?" She demanded the giggling Isabela and Alethea.

"Nothing," Alethea told her. "Just a little backtracking is all."

"Never mind, I don't want to know." Hawke told her cousin. "At this point, I reckon you've slept with half of Fereldan."

"Hey, I'm not that bad." Alethea protested.

"I am." Isabela snickered wickedly.

Hawke rolled her eyes.

"So, once again, we're going to do someone else's dirty work." Fenris growled irritably.

"Oh, stop being a sour puss." Isabela told him. "Just because you're a little jealous..."

"I am not." He said defiantly, scowling.

"Can we just get a move on?" Aveline groaned.

Hawke sighed and shook her head before saying, "Yes, let's go have a talk with Nuncio. I have far more reason to trust Zevran than I do him at this point. So let's go find out who this Antivan Crow _really _is. After that, we'll see whether Zevran proves useful or not." She said, ignoring the string of smart-ass remarks and sexual innuendos to come from Isabela while Alethea laughed.

* * *

Nuncio's campsite was marked on her map by the man himself. It was easy for Hawke to navigate the tall mountain walls and canyons, and it took little time for them to reach the place. It was out in the middle of nowhere, far more distant from the city than Hawke had expected (why make a camp on the outskirts of town when Kirkwall was standing there bright as day in the distance?). In any case, she paced herself through the sandy trail until she saw the first sign of the camp.

Zevran was sitting up on the branch of a tree when Hawke approached the area. Clever fellow. If he wanted to take the stealthy approach, she'd have to be his decoy. So Hawke waltzed into the camp with her companions; though she preferred the sneaky routine herself, she was not afraid of a little danger now and then. She had never fought Crows before, and she was eager to see how well they faired in battled, being assassins and all.

Nuncio's eyes caught her team immediately and he greeted them with a eagerness that didn't quite match the refined, charming attitude of any noble she'd seen. After all, what sort of noble wasn't high-strung and didn't want to talk about fancy drinks and poorly-drawn art? Not to mention his guards seemed more like brigands than they did actual guards, even for a noble. Then again, Hawke was used to seeing guards as men who waved flags at her doorstep, and nobles as snobbish narcissists. It was a huge generalization, really.

Hawke scanned the area briefly. As they greeted one another, Nuncio's men eyed her group cautiously, and it was not a pleasant feeling.

"You didn't tell me the assassin you wanted captured was one of your own." She started before Nuncio got a word out. The faster this reached a conclusion, the better. She was tired.

"Oh. So Zevran told you, did he?" Nuncio hesitated for a moment, seemingly taken aback from her directness. But then his demeanor changed and he narrowed his eyes at her, motioning to his men. "Well... It really doesn't matter. I am thoroughly disappointed. No one fails the Crows and lives."

"I guess I'll be the first." Hawke retorted as she drew her daggers.

She was not surprised when a few men sprung out from the shadows and bushes behind Nuncio, ready to attack. She was well aware that these assassins were crafty. She was even less surprised when she saw Zevran walk out of the shadows as well, smirking. Wait – was that blood on his sleeve?

"Ah. Poor, stupid Nuncio." He said slowly to his former comrade as he took his stance next to her. "The Crows _do_ like that saying... but alas, I am living proof it's a lie." He chuckled and then turned to Hawke and Alethea with a charming smile. "Why they insist on thinking they can kill people like you lovely ladies, I will never guess."

"Let me tell you, it's a burden I bear on a daily basis." Hawke replied, grinning.

"Tell me about it." Alethea giggled, her bow drawn. "They're all so eager to die, aren't they?"

But Nuncio interrupted their little humorous chat by motioning for his men and yelling, "You're nothing but a traitor and a coward, Zevran! You'll die here!"

A lone assassin snuck up behind Zevran. _Whoosh. _One gentle flick from Zevran's hand nailed the assassin right in the eye with a small knife. Hawke had barely seen it fly out from Zevran's sleeve. She trembled at the sight, but it was an exhilarating feeling that left her in awe. Yes, she _definitely _had to learn some of those daunting moves.

"Yes, well," Zevran paused with a confident smirk. "Let's see how that works out for you." He told Nuncio in a low, dangerously charming tone.

"Here we go," Hawke breathed as she unsheathed her blades, dragging them through the closest assassin to her. She buried her dagger into the chest with a sickening crunch, pulling it back out in another swish seconds later.

A daggers' edge swiped across Hawke's cheek, drawing a few droplets of blood. She barely managed to fall back before hearing herself curse at the air. She used the back of her hand to wipe her cut and leaped back into the fray, sliding under Fenris' large flatblade to slice at his assailants' ankles and watching as they fell on their knees so that Fenris could decapitate them.

"Can't we all just get along?... No?" Alethea said as she nocked an arrow loose.

"Apparently not." Zevran replied as his elbow collided with another assailant's nose, releasing a loud groan from the poor assassin. He then plunged his dagger deep into his stomach. "Still, this brings back the good memories, does it not?" His spicy accent vibrated against his throat as he spoke.

"Pleasantly reminiscent, I agree." She smiled at him as they leaned back to back.

"Don't have too much fun, now." Hawke slit the throat of a female assassin behind them, kicking the kneeling body away hastily. "It will be over soon, I'll warrant."

"Less talking please!" Aveline barked from the other side of the field. She raised her shield just in the nick of time to dodge a blow to the head from Nuncio, and swung at him with her own blade. He blocked it expertly, jumping and rolling away from Alethea's oncoming projectiles. But when a arrow pierced his flesh critically, he stumbled back clutching at his bleeding arm.

Fenris lunged for the Antivan Crow with a heavy cry, the lyrium ink on his skin glowing and emitting a magical halo around his body. With the most of his lackeys gone and taken care of, it was only a matter of seconds before Fenris and Aveline made quick work of poor Nuncio. Blood spewed on the ground around them and all that was left of Nuncio as he dropped into the dirt was his barely beating heart, clutched tightly in Fenris' palm. The elf then dropped the squishy organ onto the ground next to Nuncio's corpse, shaking the red from his gauntlet.

"That's a neat trick." Zevran clicked his tongue.

"Isn't it?" Isabela nodded as they started convening in the middle of the field, not minding the carnage around them that symbolized their victory.

"By the maker..." Alethea withdrew her longbow and wiped the sweat and blood from her face. She looked down at her leather skirt and frowned. "How _am _I going to get all this blood out?"

"You're worried about the blood on your skirt?" Fenris rose a brow. They were all covered in blood and grime, and it was a part of their daily ritual. Especially Fenris, having stuck his entire hand into another human being's chest.

"Excellent," Zevran let out a sigh of relief before bending down to scour the pockets and chests of the camp. "Killing my former brothers-in-arms is oddly satisfying." Carefully grabbing the shirt of a deceased corpse, he used the fabric to wipe off his blood-stained daggers.

"Well, Nuncio had it coming. I had a feeling he was up to something from the start." Hawke shrugged. "You sure you won't miss them?"

"Haha, you jest Champion. I like a woman with a sense of humor, you know. Alas, Nuncio was always a little... what's the word? 'Short-sighted' seems suitable enough I suppose." Zevran chuckled. "I'm afraid I've little reward to offer you, Champion, but perhaps this will serve as a token of my thanks." And then he pulled out of his sleeve a hidden, gleaming knife that had been strapped to his forearm. It was a double-ended blade with sharp, rigid teeth. How Zevran managed to keep that large knife strapped to his arm was beyond Hawke's imagination. Nevertheless, she took the blade and instantly felt the warmth of Zevran's skin.

"This is... for me?" She asked, examining it's quality. It was strong, durable, and did not look very worn at all. This definitely beat the rusty ring and leather armor plates she had nabbed in Crows' tents after their battle.

"It is, my lady. It is a blade that has seen many a battle and will prove useful to you." Zevran assured her. "Consider it payment for your troubles."

Hawke did not know what to say. This blade was made with a fine metal, it had a sparkle in it's polish that made it almost look... legendary. Hawke stared at Zevran in surprise before saying, "Thank you. It is a fine blade indeed. I am grateful."

"That is good to hear." Zevran waved his hand in the air before turning to Alethea. "Now, you asked me all the way out here, dear Warden?"

"Yes, we were hoping for some information." The queen confessed. "I assume you've heard and seen a great deal from your journeys. We need your help locating a certain object."

"Ah, I see." He paused to grin, crossing his arms as he winked to Alethea. "And what object is this that you seek?"

"It's complicated." Hawke replied. "We don't know what it looks like, or if it even exists. But I'm sure my cousin has already explained the situation, right Allie?"

"Well, I mentioned Anders' possession briefly, but we actually asked him over for other purposes." Alethea told her. "Among other things."

Hawke groaned. "You … called him over here... for sex?"

"Figures." Fenris muttered.

"No, no, you've got it all wrong." Isabela spoke up. "Well, not really. I mean, kind of. Wait you're confusing me, Hawke. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is: yes, we _are _going to sleep together but that isn't what we called him over here for."

"Then... what?" Hawke waited for the answer impatiently.

"I had no idea you knew Zevran." Aveline told the pirate. "And here I always assumed your only friends outside of us were at the Blooming Rose."

"Hey! I have other friends!" Isabela defended. "Many others, in fact. Even in your precious guard." Isabela smirked and Aveline scoffed.

"Let's get back on topic, please." Fenris frowned, massaging the bridge between his brows. He had a massive headache coming on, and he was not prepared for it at all.

"Right," Alethea cleared her throat. "A old apostate friend of ours is in a little bit of trouble. He's... let's just say he's cursed. And we need help finding an antidote."

"I'm not sure I follow." Zevran told her. "I am not familiar with the uses of magic, I'm afraid."

"But you have connections." Isabela reminded him.

"Any information would be helpful." Hawke pleaded.

From the back, Hawke heard Fenris growl irritably. "I can't believe you asked an assassin to come here to Kirkwall... just to help the abomination."

"Oh, deal with it and stop scowling, Fenris." Isabela told him.

"I may know some people, yes." Zevran told them, nodding. "But... I also need more information. Perhaps we could go somewhere to talk, hmm?" He gestured down the road.

"Of course! To the bar it is!" Isabela exclaimed, jumping up and down.

The six of them continued down the road, their clothes stained in blood and their pockets filled with more gold than they started the day with. The sand beneath their feet was growing cold with the setting sun, and the cries of seagulls could be heard far off in the distance. Fenris grumbled as he followed the rest of them walk back to the city, keeping a eye on the flirtatious and extremely touchy Antivan Crow before him.

"I would have never thought you'd call upon me for help like this," Zevran told Alethea as they clamored up the sandy dunes. "Does being queen not give you a wide access to such texts? I am by no means a scholar, my dear warden."

"Well, like I said – it's complicated." Alethea explained, looping her arm around his casually. Hawke rolled her eyes but Alethea ignored her cousin.

"Aren;t you worried someone might see you flirting with another man and run back home to tell your husband about it?" Hawke asked her cousin. "I mean, a woman is fine. But a man..."

"Oh don't worry Hawke. It's not as though I'm having sex in public." Alethea said. "Well, not with a man at least."

Isabela snorted.

"I have men all around the city." Alethea told her. "Not just the guards in from of your home, mind you. The Queen of Fereldan has a large network of spies and covert, undercover guards that even _you _don't know about."

"I had a feeling." Hawke smirked. "Just wanted to make sure."

"Aw, and here I thought you were actually worried about my public image." Alethea pouted. "You wound me, cousin."

Hawke shook her head as Alethea turned back to Zevran.

"Speaking of my cousin – let's get back on topic - we need you to look into something else in addition to the magical antidote. It involves my cousin's well-being."

"Huh?" Hawke interjected, sticking her head out to join their conversation. "Uh... I wasn't told about this. What are you looking into my 'well-being' for? This is about Anders!"

"Well, I want to look into your assassins." Alethea confessed.

"My... my what?" Hawke looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Hawke has made some enemies." Isabela told Zevran. " She's been targeted by assassins before, but we've always taken care of them. But this particular assassin attempt years ago has the Warden quite concerned."

"What? That silly old arrow from way back when?" Hawke waved it off, scoffing. "That was nothing. I most likely killed those responsible without even knowing it." She said proudly.

"Still, being the queen – and your cousin – I thought it might be best to get to the bottom of it." Alethea said. "It's best to get things straight once and for all. You never know when it might come back to bite you in the ass later."

"Speaking from personal experience, are we?" Hawke smirked.

"Yes," Alethea sighed. "Unfortunately."

"Well, _that _seems like something I could help you with." Zevran assured her. "It will take me a while to get the word around and obtain results, but such a task is not foreign to me. I will be able to get it sorted out."

"Good." Alethea nodded.

"Well, I hadn't realized it was such a big deal..." Hawke grumbled. "It seems a little too drastic, if you ask me. No need to blow things out of proportion, Allie. It wasn't as though I died."

"I disagree." Fenris' voice came from behind her, making her jump slightly. "It was a close call, Hawke. I was there."

"You guys are more like my parents than my friends, you know that?" Hawke groaned.

"Very well, I will help with that too! Who am I to confuse such beautiful women?" Zevran laughed. "You know, you are like the Warden when we first traveled together. It is a very refreshing sight, indeed! I had been imagining what you would be like since the Warden mentioned you in her letter! It is good that my imagination was not too far off from the real thing! Perhaps later, you'd care to get to know each other better?" Zevran purred, the words rolling off his tongue like water.

There was a twinkle in his eyes as he winked to her. Hawke's mouth dropped open, but she was at a loss for words. Fenris frowned as Zevran placed an arm over her shoulders and immediately made his way beside her, his one gauntlet brushing aside Zevran's.

"Best keep your imagination to yourself, Crow." He hissed, pulling Hawke away. "Unless you care to test that luck of yours."

Zevran chuckled and immediately backed away from Hawke. She flushed instantly at the situation, biting her lip and looking up to see Fenris' scowling face. Her lover's gauntlet then fell to his side, and she didn't hesitate to grab it, despite the sticky, bloody residue on it.

"Oh, I see." A playful smile curled on Zevran's lips as he looked at Hawke, and then back to Fenris. "Fair enough, then." He said with no hurt feelings at all, for which Hawke was glad.

"So how long do you reckon this research of yours will take?" Alethea asked, her arms still slipped through Zevran's. Hawke briefly wondered what King Alistair would think if he saw Alethea like this, but then realized it was none of her damn business anyway. Alethea had her head leaning against Zevran's shoulder, and he certainly didn't seem to mind.

"A while, I warrant." Zevran replied.

"How long will you be here?" Isabela asked as she walked beside them.

"As long as you want, my darling 'Bela." Zevran smiled. "After all, it's not as though I have any marks to take out from the guild." He chuckled.

"Yes," Fenris cleared his throat. "It's not as though you have a whole Antivan organization chasing after you either." He said sarcastically.

"We'll take care of it." Isabela reassured Zevran, giving Fenris a look.

Fenris scowled again.

"Thank you, ladies. But your friend is right. While the Crows will undoubtedly send more men after men, it is nothing I won't be able to handle. Although I suppose this means I will be additional steel at your side as compensation for such troubles in the future?" Zevran asked Hawke. "I was impressed, to be honest. From what I saw, you are a brilliant warrior, _mio campione bella_. Just as I thought!"

"Your help would be welcome, yes." Hawke nodded, despite Fenris' frowning. "And what was that you just said? Mio...?"

"Ah, apologies." Zevran replied. "'Mio campione bella' means 'my lovely champion'."

"Oh!" Hawke smiled. "Thank you! I apologize, it seems I must brush up on my Antivan."

"That is not necessary." Zevran cleared his throat and chuckled. "I see I will have to refrain from such daring declarations from now on."

"Hm?" Hawke looked confused for a second before Alethea tipped her head towards Fenris in gesture. Hawke turned to see Fenris glaring daggers at Zevran, a fiery loathing burning in his eyes as they reached the gates to the city.

"It will be like old times." Alethea said gleefully to Zevran.

"Exactly." Isabela smiled and winked. Her other hand ran through his leather chestplate, twirling her fingers and smirking to him. She leaned in close and purred, "We could travel together... like old times."

As they walked back to the the city, Hawke was had a feeling 'like old times' did not refer to fighting or journeying at all.

* * *

Loud laughing and chatting was all that ever came from Varric's room these days, which was a rather good thing compared to the darker times when Hawke was injured and had to stay in bed for weeks, or when she and Anders were still on terrible terms (although, truthfully they were _still _on bad terms, but at least not everyone knew about it). Ale mugs and wine glasses cluttered the table while the cards were laid out on the table for Wicked Grace. Coin pouches were being emptied at the center of the table, among other trinkets and gems. With both Alethea and Zevran joining them in their nightly party, a larger table had to be brought in, nothing that Varric couldn't arrange for.

"Excuse me, my handsome friend, but may I inquire about your tattoos?" Zevran asked. Hawke bit her lip at the question and looked at Fenris.

"My what?" Fenris' brow rose. Apparently, he had not Zevran heard the first time. Probably because he was busy glaring at the assassin for sitting unusually close to Hawke. Fenris had a feeling that every time Zevran leaned over to her, it was not to merely peek at her cards.

"Your tattoos!" Zevran smiled. "The intricate ink that is embedded in your finely tanned skin."

Fenris grimaced slightly before responding in his usual scowling demeanor: "They are not ink. They are lyrium, burned deeply into my flesh."

"Ah, an interesting choice of medium." Zevran replied.

"I did not have a choice in what my master put into me." Fenris said bitterly.

"Do we ever?" Zevran sighed.

Hawke coughed out, laughing into her drink. Fenris frowned at her but she couldn't help herself. She gave him a shrug and continued giggling. Zevran was obviously not talking about tattoos anymore.

"I have had an unpleasant experience with lyrium myself, you know." Zevran said.

"Oh?" Fenris was not convinced.

"During the joining." Zevran turned to the Warden. "There came a point in time when they force us to drink lyrium. It was a terrible experience, really. It gave me a headache for days afterwards."

Alethea elbowed Zevran.

Their whole evening went this way, in fact. Despite Zevran being an extreme flirt, Hawke was always giggling and snorting at his jokes, which she assumed did not sit well with her lover. Fortunately, Zevran liked to flirt with everyone, including Fenris himself. Even though Fenris did not like Hawke being wooed even in a comical manner, he was even more uncomfortable when Zevran put the moves on him instead. It was good though, because Fenris would've rather had to deal with the assassin's taunts than listen to him talk to Hawke in a lewd manner. Hawke certainly seemed to find it entertaining, giggling away as she leaned her head against Fenris' shoulder and played cards.

Meanwhile, Aveline had only a pint before leaving with Donnic for the night, something Isabela had much to joke about as the married couple left. Anders joined them after a hour of being kept at the clinic by his patients. Fenris said nothing to the mage the entire time, but that was nothing to be surprised about. Hawke and Anders exchanged a uncomfortable stare as he entered, but she turned her awkwardness into a smile and things went smoothly from there on. Well, aside from the fact that with Isabela, Alethea, and Zevran playing with her, chances of winning back her coin was slim. Hawke was just relieved they weren't playing s_trip _Wicked Grace.

Unfortunately, two hours into the night Fenris got up, rubbing the bridge between his brows at Isabela's latest perverted remark. Hawke turned to ask Fenris if he was alright as he strapped his greatsword to his back, and the brooding elf replied by stating that he would be turning in for the night, much to her chagrin.

"I assume you'll be staying for a while longer." He said to her, though he did not hide the sadness in his words. Hawke nodded and felt guilty herself, but at the same time she was not tired at all, and knew that Fenris had been staying up to practice reading before bed.

"I will see you tomorrow then." He smiled, leaning over to kiss her rosy cheek lightly. As he pulled away, Fenris shot a look over to Zevran, who was staring at the both of them intently.

"Why the stern glares, my friend?" Zevran asked with an innocent smile that only made Fenris scowl more. "May I add that you have the loveliest wrinkle in your brow when you brood?"

"I do not brood. And don't think I'm not aware of your intentions, assassin. Do not overstep your boundaries with Hawke," Fenris told him. "Or I will pull out more than your heart."

"Oh? Am I to be subjected to cruel torture until you are satisfied? This idea, I like."

Zevran leaned so close to Fenris that their noses touched, smirking. Fenris gaped at the assassin, blinking before leaping back to get away from their almost kiss, frowning furiously.

"You know, you resemble a man I once knew." Zevran chuckled as Fenris wrinkled his nose.

"Do I now?" Fenris frowned irritably. "With the lyrium and all?"

"No, not quite." Zevran shook his head. "The man I'm referring tocharged a large fortune for his services."

"I assume you couldn't afford him then." Fenris replied.

"Ah!" Zevran clutched his chest, as if pierced through the heart. "My wound... it deepens!"

Hawke grinned and turned to Fenris, who was now smirking too.

Despite having to deal with yet _another _rogue who enjoyed jesting, making snide remarks, emptying her coin purse, and flirting in their midst, Hawke was enjoying her time with this assassin. She didn't want to admit it, but it was funny to watch Fenris become edgy and uncomfortable every time Zevran tried to flirt with him. Besides, she did not feel that the assassin would endanger her relationship with Fenris at all.

Fenris took her hand and she turned to greet those brilliant, olive eyes.

"Hawke," His voice was low and gentle. "I will see you tomorrow."

She nodded, smiling. "Of course."

"Be careful when you walk home." He whispered. "And whatever you do, don't-"

"I know," She hushed him with the touch of her fingertips. "I'll take care of myself."

He nodded, not pushing further. Her hand dropped to his again and squeezed.

"Oh, get a room, you two." Varric yelled at the end of the table. "Preferably your own, if you're to stay here and do it. I've had enough peep shows." Varric stared in particular to Isabela and Alethea, both of whom burst out laughing.

Hawke blushed and Fenris smirked. Anders shifted comfortably at the other end, his lips thinning.

"Oh, what's wrong with staying here in your room, Varric?" Isabela whined. "They can give us a little show! Come on, Fenris! I'll give you back all the coin you've lost today if you to take Hawke's clothes off in front of us!" She howled.

"Maybe I will." Fenris replied. "One of these days."

Hawke sputtered into her mug while Isabela's jaw dropped. Anders frowned and Fenris smirked, satisfied with their reactions, and kissed a dumbstruck Hawke atop the head before telling her to have a good night. Seconds later, he was gone from the pub.

"Oh look, she's blushing." Alethea pointed.

"Shut up," Hawke told her cousin. "I can't believe he even had the gall to say that." Hawke shook her head regrettably. Perhaps she ought to have gone home with Fenris after all.

"Anyway, now that your scowling lover is gone, what did Aidan say afterwards?" Alethea asked her cousin as she sipped her martini glass of its contents. "What did he say after he gave you the gem?"

"Oh, he was trying so hard and I almost felt bad for the guy." Hawke explained. "He told me, 'you could have everything you ever dreamed of, everything coin can buy! You could sleep in satin sheets, eat chips from a silver bowl, be escorted all over town in your own horse-drawn carriages-'"

Alethea snorted. "If that's what every lady wants, why don't we all marry Alistair?"

"I imagine that would be quite pleasant for dear Alistair." Zevran interjected. "Being surrounded by so many ladies is a dream every man has at least once! And I am happy to add that I have experienced it quite a few times, though that was when I was but a little child."

"You had sex when you were a child?" Anders raised a brow.

"No, no." Zevran chuckled. "If only. You see, I was raised in a brothel."

"That explains a lot." Anders replied.

"So what became of Aidan? Finish your tale then!" Alethea asked, tapping Hawke on the elbow.

"Oh, right. Well, it was silly for me to explain such simple notions to a man a year older than myself, but I told him there are some things money can't buy. No matter how many fancy drinks with umbrellas he bought for me!" Hawke took a sip of her drink.

Zevran smiled, setting his drink down on the table. "Ah! Your stories are quite helpful!"

"Helpful?" Hawke frowned. "In what way?"

"They will help me learn more about you like in order to better woo you, of course!"

Hawke laughed. "You heard Fenris, Zevran. I'm already taken."

"There's no such thing as being 'taken' to Zev, Hawke." Isabela winked.

"Ah! _That_, my dear Isabela, is where you are wrong." Zevran corrected, turning away from Hawke.

"Oh, am I?" Isabela crossed her arms.

"I only go after the women who are willing!" He said. "Marriage is... not as complicated as you think when it comes to such acts of passion."

"I don't doubt he's been with married women."

"Yeah, we have one with us right now." Hawke coughed, shooting Alethea a glare. "Can't believe your husband lets you get away with it."

"It's not like he has to know." Alethea shrugged. "What's it matter anyway? Sex is sex and it feels good. It's not like I've changed by having sex with Zev. I still love Alistair, so what does it matter?"

"Oh, so I'm sure you won't mind if I tell him all about your weekly escapades the next I see him?" Hawke smirked.

"Threatening the queen, are you?" Alethea rose her eyebrow. "Tell him. And when he finds out, it'll just be another joy ride for me anyway. Angry sex with Alistair is wild and exhilarating. You have no idea."

Hawke groaned. There was no way she would win this battle.

"You guys are terrible." Anders said to both Alethea and Isabela, who snickered.

Hawke finished her mug and folded her cards on the table. Varric won this round and Hawke sighed. It was impossible with so many of these sneaky bastards. Isabela was probably cheating, but Zevran was too busy talking and catching up with the two women that neither Alethea nor Isabela were trying to win at all. Varric shook his head from the other end of the table as he reshuffled.

Hawke looked into the empty glass before her.

Fenris had gone home. She was still not sleepy. But then she began to wonder if it had been a good idea letting him go home alone. Fenris knew that she had been having fun with their friends and needed to spend time with her cousin anyway. Still, perhaps it would've been better if she had accompanied him home, maybe even read a little to him until he fell asleep. Truthfully, she was proud that he had picked up on reading so fast and so easily. It showed her that Fenris had potential to be something greater than he ever imagined. And that Hawke was possibly the best teacher ever.

"So, the knight-commander... Boiling in oil?" Varric grinned at Anders. "That one never gets old."

"Don't even joke about that." Anders replied, his head in his hand.

"I'm helping you indulge in elaborate revenge fantasies. I think it's good for you."

Hawke looked at Varric, not sure if this was a good idea. Anders had not been in the mood to joke, ever since he and Hawke broke up and his plans foiled. Even among friends, these past few weeks he had been considerably glum. Hawke assumed it was because she and Fenris had finally gotten together again. Half of her guilt stemmed from this.

"Meredith will die. Do not doubt that." Anders said with conviction, his eyes glimmering so much that it made her shift uncomfortably. Alethea turned away from Zevran to place her hand gently on Anders' shoulder.

Varric dealt the cards. "Go away, Justice. Can Anders come out and play?"

Anders' eyes glowed with a familiar light blue and his voice thundered in the room: _"Stop."_

The dwarf sighed in defeat. "You're no fun anymore."

Alethea opened her mouth to try comforting Anders, but nothing came out. Zevran only looked at the glowing mage in intrigue while Isabela yawned visibly. Hawke cleared her throat, wanting to dissipate the situation.

"If you want fun Varric, why not let me try out this new blade on you?" She asked with a grin, pulling out the double-edged dagger.

"Whoa! Where'd you get that?" Anders asked cautiously. "It looks like a knife with teeth!"

"Zevran gave it to me today. Quite nice, right?"

"While it _does _look incredibly shiny and sharp, I prefer to keep my chest hair intact, thank you." Varric responded.

"Who's 'no fun anymore' now?" Hawke smirked before turning to Zevran. "Where did you get this anyway? Don't you want it yourself?"

"Ah, that?" Zevran turned to her, his Antivan accent humming as he spoke. "I do not need it. I have plenty of sharp blade... and other sharp objects... to use. Besides, I think a warrior as fine as you would be more well-equipped with Finesse by your side."

"Was that a compliment? I couldn't tell." Hawke squinted. "And what do you mean, 'Finesse'?

"You should know by now that I _only _ever talk in compliments when in your presence, my lady." Zevran laughed. "I called the blade you hold 'Finesse'. It is a name well-known in Antiva and Orlais. Are you aware of it?"

"I'm afraid I am not." Hawke said, shaking her head.

"I am not surprised. Allow me to explain: 'Finesse' was the name of a legendary courtesan whose real name was 'Callisto di Bastion'. She was welcome in many noble homes... as well as their bedrooms, of course." He smiled.

"So, she was your type of woman?" Hawke chuckled.

"_Every _type of woman is his woman, Hawke." Anders' voice stated dully.

"That is also very true, my friend." Zevran replied without a teeniest inkling of irritation.

At least he was a good sport about these kinds of things. Then again, what Anders said held some truth after all, even if it was said in contempt. What use was there in hiding it?

"In any case, the blade is named after Callisto because she was the one who stabbed King Guiomar the Younger." Zevran told Hawke. "On top of that, she had a tongue of silver! In fact, many say she received training from the Orlesian bards in addition to the Crows. Ah, what I would give to have met and bedded her in my lifetime!"

"I'll bet." Hawke smiled. "So if you didn't meet her, where _did _you manage to obtain such a thing?"

"Ah. That. Well, it was in the heat of battle with the darkspawn. After the Warden and I parted ways, I was left to run from the Crows, fight darkspawn, and possibly wait for the taint to kill me – but let's be honest here, I am not one to think too much on these things. I prefer to enjoy my life."

Zevran's laugh echoed the room as the story continued, but Hawke's world paused when he mentioned 'taint'. She immediately thought of Anders. Even though he had run from the Grey Wardens, Anders' fate was still preordained. If Justice didn't manage to doom Anders to the Void, then surely the Calling would. As far as Hawke knew, the Calling was the process all Wardens went through, where they heard strange voices 'calling' out for them to go to the Deep Roads, Blight-Lands or be pursued by Darkspawn until death. This was due to the taint that drew them to each other.

"Are you serious?"

Hawke looked up, snapping from her thoughts. Apparently, Zevran was still telling the tale of when he obtained Finesse. Anders was looking at the assassin, quite distraught.

"I told the Warden-Commander – er, queen - back when we were in Amaranthine _not_ to make deals with darkspawn. I guess you Antivan Crows need the same advice."

"This blade came from a Darkspawn?" Hawke asked, looking over the blade again.

"You could say that." Zevran replied. "It is a rare blade descended from the fabled courtesan though. I am sure of that."

"You made a deal with a Darkspawn to obtain it?" Hawke asked.

"It does not sound as bad as it seems." Zevran assured her. "No darkspawn will go after you, Champion, for you are no Grey Warden. Besides, Darkspawn are not known to treasure trinkets."

"I'm not worried about being targeted by Darkspawn." Hawke told him. "I'm more interested in the Taint, now that you mention it."

"That taint?" Alethea rose a brow. "What for?"

"Nothing," Hawke shifted under her seat. "It just occurred to me that I didn't know very much about it."

"Eden..." Alethea looked at her worriedly.

"I know you're not supposed to tell me about anything concerning the order, but considering I have friends a family who are Wardens... and you already told me about the Calling, I thought I might ask: Is there any way a Grey Warden can get out of the Calling?"

Half the room went silent. Varric and Isabela stopped talking to listen intently to the conversation.

Taint, Grey Wardens, and the Calling were not common subjects in their daily routine. Varric and Isabela probably didn't even know what they were talking about. Yet the idea was there, and the Wardens were well aware of their fate, including Anders. Of course, Hawke assumed none of them thought about it much. It would just be too depressing to do so. That's why no one ever asked or talked about it.

"You told her?" Anders asked Alethea, crossing his arms.

"I had been drinking?" Alethea tried sheepishly.

"Great." Anders sighed. "Great job, _Warden-Commander._" He told her before turning back to Hawke and letting out a loud sigh. His eyes stared back at Hawke sadly, and she had a feeling he knew what she had been thinking. Anders cleared his throat and turned to her cousin, forcing another smile. "Well, there is no avoiding it now. Tell her then, Warden-Commander."

"Tell me what?" Hawke squinted suspiciously. "I thought no Warden could escape the Calling."

Now it was Alethea's turn to twist uncomfortably. "Well, that's not exactly true. There is one... one Warden who no longer has to go to the Calling." Her hushed words whispered from her lips.

Zevran tinkered with his glass. "But that is not a plausible, my queen. If you are referring to the Grand Enchanter for the Circle of Magi, I fear she is a special case. No Warden has been able to replicate such things. You know that."

"I know," Alethea swallowed. "It's just that... Eden has a point. I... Well, with Alistair and I both still being Wardens, I've been thinking about it myself. I thought I'd keep it to myself, but now that Eden mentions it, I must confess that I had … other intentions... when I came to Kirkwall." She looked at the thin hands lying in her lap.

"What?" Hawke blinked.

"Years ago, Alistair's mother – Fiona – experienced a premature Calling because of the amulet she wore. It was designed to accelerate the taint for the Wardens, but all that resulted in it was a horrible rash. But when she returned from her mission in the Deep Roads, she no longer had the Taint. She was free."

Hawke stared. "So... what you're saying is... we need to get some of these magical amulets?"

"Hawke..." Anders' voice came in a dangerous tone. "I know what you're thinking, and you can't-"

"It seems easy to me." Hawke told Alethea, ignoring Anders. "What's the catch?"

"Aside from the obvious fact that we have no idea where to start?" Alethea laughed weakly. "I visited Fiona years ago for her help, but she barely knows anything herself."

Hawke sighed deeply.

More and more homework to do. Great. As if getting Anders' cure wasn't impossible enough. How come everything had to be like this? How come everywhere she went there was always a dead end to greet her like the plague? King Alistair... Zevran... Alethea... Anders. Were all of them doomed to forever bear this taint? This death sentence?

Anders looked at her and repeated: "Hawke, I know what you're thinking. Don't-"

"I _think_ ..." Hawke stood up. "I think I've had too much to drink." She told them, grabbing her coat.

"Hawke, let me..."

"I'll go home myself, you can stay here." Hawke smiled to her cousin. "I'll be fine on my own. I just think I need to sleep on this."

Alethea stood up, frowning. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, my head's starting to hurt." Hawke said, barely managing to let out a laugh.

"You shouldn't be walking around at night anyway." Alethea told her. "It's dangerous, what with assassins and the like." Zevran chuckled at that last remark.

"I'll keep her company." Anders got up too.

Hawke's eyes glanced nervously at the rest of the group. Alethea opened her mouth but no words came out. Wait, but Hawke wasn't supposed to... she had promised Fenris...

"Wait, Anders. You don't have to-"

"It's about time I turned in anyway." He told her, ushering her down the steps.

"I'll come along too." Alethea grabbed her coat as well.

Anders paused, watching as the Queen of Fereldan looped her arm through Hawke's and the two women started going down the steps. He followed after them a second after, slightly confused.

"Well, looks like it's just going to be us." Isabela's voice came from behind them.

Hawke turned back to give Isabela a desperate look. The pirate bit her lip and shot Hawke a I-don't-know-what-to-do face, shrugging. Hawke rolled her eyes. She had little choice in avoiding Anders. Thankfully, Alethea was with her.

* * *

It was obvious that Anders wanted to tell her something.

But Hawke didn't want to deal with him at the moment. She knew what he was going to say; she knew what he wanted from her: He was going to apologize for his actions and ask her to forgive him, regardless if she still loved him or not.

Alethea was walking with her cousin slowly down the streets. She didn't know what to say either, but this trek was turning out to be rather awkward. She finally let out a sigh.

"If you're worried about me, don't be." She told Hawke.

"How could I not?" Hawke replied glumly. "I've lost my family. And now I'm going to lose you too."

"Don't think like that." Alethea said. "You still have your friends, you still have Fenris."

"Yeah..." Hawke looked at the ground as they walked.

"You know Eden, I came here to find out what I could do to prevent it." Alethea said. "I want to live a long life with Alistair, but the reality is that we can't live our ideal lives. Not now, not ever."

"Does he know you're here to try and escape the Calling?"

"Yes," Alethea replied. "I told him. He told me not to go, but I said I had to."

"Can't imagine him being too happy about that." Hawke smiled a little. "If you really wanted, you could try living your lives to the fullest. Just settle down, have a family before you are both gone."

"Oh, Eden." Alethea's eyes started watering. "I want to... I want to have Alistair's children. I do."

"Does he not want any?" Hawke asked, surprised.

Alethea shook her head. "It's not that he doesn't want any... it's just that..." Her voice broke into a silent sob and she turned away, unable to finish. Hawke put her shoulder over Alethea and then turned to look at Anders, confused.

Anders looked solemn but explained anyway: "It's hard enough for a Grey Warden to have children because of the Taint we carry. _Two _Grey Wardens trying to have a child would be damn near impossible."

"Oh, Allie..." Hawke turned back to her sniffing cousin. "I don't know what to say... I'm... I'm so sorry. I wish... I wish I could help."

"I told you from the beginning." Anders said. "I told you it would be a bad idea to bring this up."

"Well, I hadn't thought of it so deeply back then!" Hawke told him, snapping. "And I certainly didn't know about the Taint or Calling." She eyed him in a accusing fashion.

"I had no intentions of telling you about the Calling." Anders said firmly. "As the Warden-Commander, she shouldn't have told you either. I may've run from the Grey Wardens, but I didn't want to tell the world about how depressing life as a Warden was. Ruins the image, to be honest."

"I thought you ran away because you didn't care." Alethea chuckled through her tears.

"I ran away because of Ser-Pounce-A-Lot." Anders mumbled.

"What?" Alethea wiped away the wet streaks on her cheeks.

"They made me get rid of him." Anders said.

"Are you serious?" Alethea turned to stare at him. "You ran away because of the cat I gave you years ago at the keep?" She almost burst out laughing. At least this time her tears would be happy.

"I really liked him!" Anders defended. "He was the best cat I ever had."

"I'm sure." Alethea snorted.

Anders smiled slightly and they continued their trek together until they reached the start of the stairs doing up to Hightown. Anders stopped to turn the other way.

"See you tomorrow?" Alethea asked.

"If I find a flexible schedule, yes." Anders replied. "Good night, your highness. Hawke."

Normally, Hawke would make a joke about the fact that he hadn't called her a noble title. In fact, she almost did. But she bit her tongue when she thought about it. Maybe it would've made things slightly awkward. After all, Anders and her hadn't talked about what happened since three weeks ago. Things were a little ragged.

"Good night," Hawke said softly as she walked up the steps with her cousin.

Anders' shadow eventually disappeared down the road, and Hawke turned to her cousin. Alethea was staring in the other direction, squinting at the houses that were lit up beyond the stairs leading up.

"What are you looking at now?" Hakwe said. "The moon isn't particularly beautiful tonight."

"I'm not looking for the moon, you dolt." Alethea told her. "For one, the moon's the completel opposite direction of where I'm looking."

"Oh." Hawke flushed bashfully.

"I'm looking to see that Fenris' mansion is lit."

"What?" Hawke squinted.

Sure enough, there is was – a faint, little glimmer of yellow light that she could barely make out. Was he still reading at this time of night? Hawke had to admit, he sure was devoted. Talk about a hobby!

She smiled to herself, wondering if Fenris had fallen asleep reading again. He always looked so cute when he was sleeping with a book open at his lap.

"You want to see your lover, don't you?" Alethea winked.

"What? No." Hawke exclaimed. "I'd rather keep you company-"

"You know I don't need company, silly girl. Go to your lover, hurry.

"We're you just crying because of the Taint?" Hawke asked.

"I was, but I don't need comforting all night to get over it." Alethea told her. "I'm not going to linger over those things. I can't do anything to change them at the moment, so I might as well do something to take my mind off things and have some fun."

"Allie-"

"Besides, if you go sleep over there for the night. It would give _me_ an excuse to go back to the pub." Alethea sang, nudging Hawke's side.

"You've got to be joking." Hawke stared at her in awe. "Weren't you crying just a second ago!"

"That was then. This is now." Alethea urged. "Besides, do you have _any idea _how long it's been since I've seen Zevran?"

"What's the hurry?" Hawke rose a brow. "You've been with him before. It's not as though he's only going to be here for just tonight."

"But the thought of Isabela getting some action without me just doesn't feel right." Alethea stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"So let me get this straight," Hawke shifted her weight and placed a hand on her hip. "You want _me_ to go over to _Fenris_' place to sleep over for the night... so that _you_ can shag with a former Antivan Crow and a pirate wench?"

"Yes?" Alethea smiled hopefully.

Hawke looked at her with her eyebrows twisted up.

"Oh, what's the big deal anyway?" Alethea stamped. "You and Fenris look like you need a good, old-fashioned lay anyway! Why not just give in to it? It'll be a win-win for the both of us."

Hawke groaned.

Still, she looked towards the stairs leading up to Fenris' mansion and thought about it.

She swallowed.

Did she dare?

* * *

**A/N: **Finally getting back on track to where I need to be in terms of this story. Sorry for the rehashing of conversations in this chapter.

T.I.M. Enchanter gave me some feedback for the chapter before I posted it, so thank you for your feedback TImmy! I also recently read the DA comics by David Gaider and thought to make Fiona Alistair's mother. Hopefully, that won't ruin the story. I'm also sorry for using the word 'hell' so often. I just feel awkward when I used 'Void' or 'Black City'. I feel like 'hell' is a much more relatable term. But I tried not to use 'hell' in this chapter though. It's a little challenging, but hopefully the story's still enjoyable!

So were the characters too OoC? What do you think Hawke should do? Should she go see Fenris... or not?


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